Write That Down #46

Just because you're Black and have White friends doesn't mean that you forget you're Black and that racism is STILL alive in 2012. So don't turn a blind eye to racism when it's staring you in the face just to appease them in order to avoid being accused of having ABMS (Angry Black Man Syndrome). If they're really friends worth having, or existing at all, they'll listen to your reality with an open-mind and increase the worth of their humanity by having enough compassion to learn something they didn't learn before.

Write That Down #45

Last week, I posted that I was debuting a new poem at a Titillating Tongues open mic this coming Tuesday night. Unfortunately, that event has been cancelled, hence the removal of that blog post.

Through animated gifs, I gave a clue of what the topic of the poem was. If you haven't figured it out, the poem addresses the drug use in the gay community. I will debut the poem and also a song to accompany it to make it a complete story at some point. Maybe here, maybe at the rescheduled Titillating Tongues, or maybe at some other open mic night.

Anyway, anyone who knows me personally, or has read this blog for any length of time, knows of my experiences with drug abusers, alcoholics, my own experimentation, and how it all has now led me to keep such people at a distance. And if they are allowed in my circle on any intimate level, they are just a rare fuck-buddy at best.

Add to that how I'm still remembering the guy I was dating a few weeks ago whom another more explained backstory and poem you should be on the lookout for. Because he took issue with my being so open about sexuality.

All this combined made me come to realize why neither of these kinds of guys are man enough to be in my life for the long haul. With that said, it's been awhile, but my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:


For those who can't read it or enlarge it, it says:

Owning my sexuality and standards makes problems not for myself, but for others. For:

1) someone with shame over their sexual practices can't handle my openness about my sexual behavior. And;
2) someone who drinks heavily or uses drugs can't deal with me because I know they are a coward about some aspect(s) of their life. Otherwise, they wouldn't be doing the drugs and/or drinking so much in the first place.

Either way, neither are man enough to handle me. For being with me means they have no place to hide their shame and/or cowardice.

Write That Down #44

Based on all that I have said about the porn industry in recent months, one would think I have a a great regret about doing it. The truth is,....I actually don't.

The porn industry is a vile world when it doesn't need to be, for it can be of good use (I'll save greater explanation for my autobiography). However, the reality that makes me speak so badly of it is because it is a world run by leeches who are seeking to feed off the insecurities of those needing validation for their worth. Be those insecurities because of their orientation, the undeserved feeling of worthlessness after a molestation or rape, or whatever.  And this is nothing you haven't heard said before in one way of wording or another.

Even with that being the case, I took some good from my time in the gay porn industry. By doing appearances, I became comfortable enough on a stage or in front of a camera to improvise if I have to. And improvisation was something I was horrible at before porn. My being in porn also made way for me to do this blog. I had a poetry website before getting into porn, and no one paid it any mind. I started blogging as "Tré Xavier", and people not only got to see me as a porn actor with a brain, but they also saw I had real talent, as an actual performer. And not just an erotic one. The "Tré Xavier" name is how I did a poetry reading last year. That name is why I'm being asked to conduct discussions on racism in the gay community. That name gave me the beginning that I segued into becoming known by my legal first name that you now know me by.

So this is another case of how every dark cloud has a silver lining. That's why my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:

Now this quote may have been inspired by my time in porn, but I'm sure you can make it pertain to situations more personal to you.

Write That Down #43

Have you ever been to the Gay/Lesbian section of Netflix?
If so, have you seen how most of the gay movies have pages of negative reviews?
And if so, have you seen how the negative reviews always point out the same flaws?

Well, if you answered "Yes" to all of the above questions, then it should tell the sad truth that gay cinema is not taken seriously.  Not even by the very community it was created to cater to.

Gay cinema tends to be a softcore version of gay porn in regards to its casting practices. For unless it is a gay film with a non-White cast, how often is a non-White the lead? How often is the face of a non-White considered a box office draw?...

...I do believe that's the sound of crickets you hear chirping.

In most gay cinema, the only non-White that stands a chance at recognizable screen-time is a light-complexioned Latino.

Now, if such is the case, then these movies keep being made because of who's giving financial backing to the production. Just like gay porn is paid for by racist White men looking to see white as the only beauty, the same can be said for gay cinema. Racist White guys with money to burn who don't care about a profit as much as they care to see a visual that gets them off. And in the case where those backing the film are more racially open-minded, then it's the producers, directors and casting people at fault. For they're basing their casting practices on the assumption that "White sells", which is just as bad as being a racist themselves. Never mind the fact that gays who are Black, Asian, Middle Eastern, etc. light and dark have money they want to spend on gay cinema as well. Non-whites are made to feel they don't belong, and this only leads to those ethnicities to practice the same racism in their casting and viewing.

Such an example can be said of "Noah's Arc". I liked the show. And every show has its good and bad points. I was glad to see Black actors working. I was also glad to see the fact displayed of how there is just as much of a variety of types of gays amongst Blacks as they are amongst Whites. What troubled me with the show was how seldom these Black American characters were shown interacting with other ethnicities in a positive light. But I believe the path to this lack of positive interaction between ethnicities started from predominately White gay cinema ostracizing, marginalizing, and making a fetish out of non-Whites.

It is this narrow-mindedness that leads gay cinema overall to be so marginalized, and rightfully disrespected, with the decent few getting overlooked. And until a greater percentage of producers, directors, consumers, and all parties involved change their casting practices, this marginalization and disrespect will be well deserved.

I shouldn't have to remind you that it's 2012...Therefore, I shouldn't be as correct as I am in saying any of this.

So let's get it together, people!

Write That Down #42

Over time, a lot of people have told me that I look great for my age, which in case you didn't know, I am presently 40, and will turn 41 come the very end of March. This is not me blowing my own horn, but look at how much I've aged from the early 1990s till now:

When asked what do I do to keep myself looking so young, I always tell people that I live by a motto on a mug my late grandmother had that said, "Don't Let The Bastards Wear You Down". The fact is my living a life of not letting people get to me is only part of what helps me to maintain my youthful appearance. The problem is if I tell the other part to the people complimenting me, I'll probably scream at them to the top of my lungs. Because another part of what keeps my youthful appearance is the fact that I'm seldom to never do what they themselves are doing when they ask me.

You see, most of the people who ask me "What's your secret?" are people I meet who are in the midst of drinking way more than me, standing outside smoking, or doing drugs at a get-together while I'm drug-free. And some are White who along with one or more of the aforementioned, obviously frequent some tanning salon. So they just give the "Black don't crack" excuse for my more youthful appearance, rather than deal with the fact of how all those things are causing their inability to age well.


In short, they're doing one or more of the few things that the health news has yet to backpedal on in telling you how some or too much of it is bad for you.


My looking so young is actually what helped to start my time in porn, and what gets some asking if I'll make a return. It's also part of the reason why I'm seldom attracted to guys my own age. Because too many males my age are worn-down-looking, and look old enough to be my father rather than my boyfriend. So I instead wind up getting involved with 20-something losers like the guy from "Paying (Ends---My 'Friend')", who I am now realizing are nothing more the younger versions of the guys my own age before the alcohol, smoking, drugs, and/or tanning took their toll.


Now, any American adult knows that America is a youth-obsessed society, and the gay community worldwide is even more obsessed with youth than the straight majority. With that being the case, that's why my latest "Write That Down" quote asks:


If gay males hate aging soooo much, then why the fuck are so many of them heavy drinkers, drug users, smokers, and frequenting tanning salons? ...ALL of which speed up the aging process.

Please don't ask me what the reason is, because I don't have a solid answer for you. The best I can gather is that many gays have a self-destructive streak because they still harbor the parental, regional, and/or religion-induced shame over their homosexuality that I lost pretty much the moment I came out to myself. In short, they have yet to grow up, and love themselves. So until they decide to accept AND love themselves, be they 20-somethings and beyond, I'll continue to revel in my single status, and not love them either.


Because if they don't find themselves worth acceptance and love,...then why should I?

Write That Down #41

We as humans have always been users of the arts to both express and hide our pain, be it by singing, writing, composing, dancing, drawing, acting, etc. But nowadays, along with drugs (some of which are FDA approved), we are also using people as tools for hiding our pain a lot more frequently. And sometimes that using of people is by way of sex.

This using of people for sex has reached such a sad level that people aren't just having sex with people claiming it's to numb some pain. It's now at a point where the line, "Sexuality is fluid"  has become common place over the past few years. With people crossing their own natural orientations, and accepting when people do it. Pathetically so, this is especially true in the gay community with sell-outs to humanity by way of being porn producers, directors, actors, and patrons deciding to greenlight the "gay-for-pay" concept in porn, and prostitution, as well as for the sake of tolerating those living "on the down low".

Sexuality is NOT fluid. As a member of free society, you are not straight today and gay tomorrow just because you're horny or for a porn or escorting gig, then back to straight when the tryst is over. ANY member of the gay community adopting this concept is undoing all of the work that gay rights activist have done in getting mainstream society to accept us. But it is quite hypocritcal of the gay community to want the straight majority to accept us when we do things like adopt lines like "sexuality is fluid", for anyone who says it or believes it is not accepting of themselves.

And this also goes for those out there who claim they don't like labels, so they call themselves "sexual". I know that I brought this point up before, and I will bring it up again. The fact is there are times when labels go into overkill. However, in regards to sexual orientation, the word "sexual" is too broad a spectrum, so labels are VERY MUCH necessary. For let's get real as I always do...

A pedophile is SEXUAL.
Someone into bestiality is SEXUAL.
Someone who practices incest is SEXUAL.
A child molester is SEXUAL.
A rapist is SEXUAL.

And it is for this reason why people who call themselves "sexual" or claim "sexuality is fluid" are people who subconsciously confess that their sexual behavior is behavior that cannot be trusted. I'm not saying that someone who labels their sexual orientation is incapable of sexual depravity, but avoiding that much needed label does paint a bigger target on your back for suspicion of sexually depraved actions. For it says that you are hiding something, if not from others, then from yourself. And if you're not man or woman enough to face and love who you are, why should anyone else?

Remember, I define myself as a predominately gay bisexual. Why? Because I am well aware that my sexuality is not "fluid", and I have enough pride in myself to not hide it behind too broad a definition. It doesn't switch from gay to straight in a moment's notice like that line "sexuality is fluid" insinuates. No matter how horny I am, if I am in the mood to poke a hole, most likely it's the hole of a man's ass that I'm looking to poke. I'm not going to poke a beautiful woman's pussy just because she offers it while I'm in a poking mood. She must inspire that straight part of me to surface. For I have a respect for sex that won't let me enter you or let you in me unless that gender-specific and physical attraction are BOTH present.

With all this in mind, that is why my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:
"Sexuality is fluid" is a line made to cover up how empty the sayer and believer is inside. For those of us with enough respect for sex to give it only to someone we're attracted to would NEVER say or believe such a thing.

Write That Down #40

This quote was originally written at the same time I wrote the poem, "Paying (Ends---My "Friend")". For it was sparked by the boozer loser in that poem, Toby, and followed by memories of other guys I was involved with, the porn industry, and other past associates whose negative behavior inspired some art work of mine. Be that artwork a song, poem, drawing, or artistic series of some kind like "The Industry".

Now, a few months later, after I've finally got the wording right, the "Write That Down" quote is ready to be unveiled as it reads:

Everyone should live to inspire the various forms of art. And while wrong-doers inspire art conveying fear, anger, heartbreak, and other negative emotions contributing to the balance of life, for this they may not be totally worthless existences. But the ugliness of their souls damn sure makes them undesirable ones.

Write That Down #39

Saying The Dirty Word....LIVE

Recently, I received an email from Men of All Colors Together/NY (MACT/NY) inviting me to be a featured speaker at a meeting on November 4, 2011. They wanted me to speak on an issue that to many is a bit of a dirty word. Especially in the gay community.

Considering how much I address it on this blog, and appear to be an expert on it, you might be wondering if the dirty word is "SEX"?" BLOWJOBS? Or the phrase, "ANAL MAINTENANCE"?

Actually, no to all of the above. The "dirty" word another I address alot on this blog ---RACISM. "The Present State of Racism in the LGBT Community" to be exact.

If you have followed this blog to any degree, then you know that I have talked quite a bit about how racism is one of the things we need to correct within ourselves if we are to put on a proper face for demanding equal rights. And by some of your own personal experiences, you are just as aware as I am as to how the word "racism" has become a dirty, unspoken word mistreated as an exaggeration the moment when the truth of its existence is spoken of, especially in the LGBT community, who are one of the biggest perpetrators of it. Well, this is your chance to hear me address this issue LIVE, as well as pose questions to me about some of the things you have heard me say here on this blog, other blogs, or during the course of that night. And maybe even enlighten me and the audience with tales of your own experiences.

Some of the topics I am considering for inclusion are racism displayed by:
Gay porn
Gay nightlife
Gay media (magazines, television, online, etc.)
And close by addressing if the racism displayed by these mediums influences and/or reflects the mindset of the majority of today's LGBT community.

I was asked if I could find others to include in this, thereby creating a discussion panel. Well, for this I would like to have a rainbow of speakers. Blacks and very likely Asians are represented thus far. So if you are part of a gay ethnic organization, or a sole observer of this issue please send me a message of interest, credentials, and group affiliation if you have one via email.

However the line-up turns out, whether it's me alone or as part of a panel, I'm very much looking forward to it. For this is a discussion that I will keep you posted on the details of because it very much needs to be had. The LGBT community is already a minority, and the last thing we need is what we are presently plagued with - the separatism and bigotry from racism within the gay community to further separate us.

So until then, please keep in mind my latest "Write That Down" quote to show the importance of this event. It reads:

Write That Down #38

I believe that this "Write That Down" quote is one of my most revealing. In fact, as I am finally stating to work on writing my autobiography, this quote is in the running to have a definite place in it. I feel it's quite self-explanatory as it reads:
Some wonder why I tell so much behind-the-scenes dirt on the porn industry. Well, while I did my part, few kept their word to me when I was in it. So now, I have NO "Code Of  Silence" to honor.

Write That Down #37

I've had many people that I've felt the need to part ways with. Now, while going to the extent of saying "you're dead to me" is pretty harsh, it is sadly sometimes necessary. And this is usually most necessary when someone takes your kind heart for granted, and refuses to do the humane thing by giving nowhere near the same capacity in return. Hence why my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:

Becoming dead to me is easy. Just show me that you are dumb enough to be dead inside to someone who is alive with caring as I am. A case where opposites DO NOT attract. And if they do attract, they soon repel.




What makes it easy is the fact that regardless of how disheartening and spirit-breaking the person's wrong-doing may be, I must survive. And those of you who have been in such a predicament, must do the same for yourselves.

Write That Down #36

I have often been asked what is the longest relationship I've ever had. When I tell people that I've never been involved with anyone long enough to really have a long term relationship, most show themselves to be moronic enough to be in shock. They don't seem to realize the fact that the reason it never went long enough to become a relationship for me is because while I know we all have flaws (myself included), there are some flaws that you can't live with in someone. And instead of holding on just so I can say "I got someone" when that someone is actually worthless, I got out when I saw the signs that the person's flaws were flaws that I couldn't deal with. Before getting to the point of months or years together, then ending up in battles over 
possessions and properties.


So what is moronic about their shock is what has inspired my latest "Write That Down" quote, which reads:

It really disappoints me when most people are shocked that I've never had a long-term relationship. What's disappointing is that most of the people shocked have had NUMEROUS relationships. And that practically ALWAYS means that they stayed in all of those "relationships" long after the signs appeared that they should have walked away from the person. All for the sake of saying, "I'm in a relationship".

You see, I love myself too much to commit frauds. 
Especially to myself.

Write That Down #35

Whenever I meet someone new, at some point, the conversation gets to my blog, and how my blog started with me formerly being in gay porn. That last revelation understandably opens a floodgate of questions. I answer every question without hesitation. However, there comes a point where the guy will ask a question, and he apologizes for asking it, or for staying on the subject. Sometimes his apology comes after asking as little a number as 2 questions. I always tell him that there's no need for him to apologize and I understand his curiosity.

Lately, I've been wondering why is it that no matter how many (or few) questions a guy asks me about the porn industry does he always feel the need to apologize. And I recently came to the conclusion that it may very well be my own fault.

You see, my mother has always told me that I have very expressive eyes.

 She said that if I don't like someone, that no matter how much smiling I may do, all they have to do is look in my eyes, and they'll know how the truth is...I actually LOATHE them.

So being me, I further broke it down by saying to her, “So while my smile says a nice warm, ‘Hello’, my eyes go cold saying, ‘Your b*tch a** is lucky that we’re not standing on the edge of the cliff, because I would damn sure push your a** off, and watch your blood splatter as you hit the rocks below.”

My Mom replied, “That’s EXACTLY what you do.”

With that in mind, I now see that these guys are seeing that same duality between my smile and my eyes. My mouth says, “Ask away! I don’t mind.”

But simultaneously, my eyes are saying, “Can we change the fuckin’ subject, PLEASE!”

And come to think of it, why wouldn’t I? After all, trying to right so many wrongs in the gay porn industry didn’t make my time in it the happiest time of my life. And when you initially meet someone, you want them to see and hear of you at your happiest.

Speaking of happiness, that explains why I light up like a Christmas tree when I talk about sex and sexuality. Because as I've said numerous times before, I love nature.

And sex is definitely natural, while porn is not. It's not even the display of nature that it once was. Another case of how the love of money ruins great things.

 All this can be summarized by my latest "Write That Down" quote:


How do I know the connection between the porn industry and sexuality has been lost?
When I talk about the porn industry, my mood goes DARK.
But when I talk about sexuality....I start fuckin' BEAMING, get a second wind, and if you're HOT, I'm ready to give you a personal and thorough demonstration of some of the knowledge I've amassed.

Compliments of RocketTube

Write That Down 33 & 34

One thing this blog has become notorious for is for me telling of my sexual escapades. What might surprise some is the fact that I hold sex in very high regard with an extreme respect for its intentions. Of course, as a predominately gay bisexual, that intention is not about pro-creating as some religions want to say is the sole purpose of sex. The part of sex's intention that I'm speaking of is about how it is meant to be an intense moment of upping the ante on your connection to someone. My personal sexually liberated nature just happens to allow that upping the ante on a connection that is fleeting, as well as life long.

Normally, when I see a person I've had sex with at an outing after the fact, I feel like every one in the room watching us, even for a second can tell that we have had sex. We've had that moment of intensely connecting to each other. During that outing afterwards, we don't have to kiss. We don't have to hug. The connection is just in the energy of our interaction.

There have been some sex partners however, who I will see afterwards at an outing, and I will get from them no kind of energy that says that we had sex. I know I give it off, but they aren't giving it in return. Now, I'm not looking for them to date me, fall in love with me, or make plans to fight for gay marriage. But I feel that in that moment of connection, since you gave away something that should be held to some degree sacred (your body), even after the fact, that moment of connection should be respected and acknowledged in your energy. If you don't, then it is signs of a problem within you.

That's why my 1st "Write That Down" quote for this post reads:

For me, even in a romp at a sex party or one night stand, SEX is a connection of souls. So it takes one with issues to so easily blow off the fact that you had that moment of connection.

I'm sure that my feeling this way about sex is why I've voiced such disdain for the way the porn industry is presently being operated, and eventually led my need to exit it. Especially with the industry's present routine of putting escorts in front of the camera, instead of studios concerning themselves with whether or not the people are really attracted to each other. The porn industry's present disregard for that part of sex's intentions is what eventually made it beneath me.

In regard to escorts, it is the very purpose of sex that I mentioned that leads me to believe is the reason why escorts for the very most part don't have lasting relationships. That's why my other "Write That Down" quote reads:

Escorts most often don't have lasting relationships because their work requires them going to a dead place within. And repeatedly going to this dead place makes their boyfriend/girlfriend subconsciously question how often are they going to that dead place with them.

Living in denial of this question is what prolongs the relationship, but it's only natural that such a question would exist. Then surface. Then rightfully causes distrust. Then understandably make the relationship fail.

I'm sure how I value sex may be quite surprising to some. But I felt it was about time to make people aware as to what values I have that make me take some of the various stands that I have taken over time. For I know sometimes comparing the things I do with what I say can come off as contradictory. These quotes make it obvious that they are not.

Write That Down #32

I was born and raised in the United States of America. And I have grown fully aware that this country has gotten to the prosperity that it has achieved because of the combined efforts of the many cultures and ethnicities that have called it "home" for generations after generations. While some cultures and ethnicities were brought here by force, I believe God allowed it to happen, so from that point of travesty, we can show our greatness by uniting, and treating one no better than the other.

Since this is the U.S.A., people being so close-minded that they can't find beauty in skin-colors other than their own says that there is a sickness in their mind. We see it in all forms of media and entertainment everyday, even in casting notices for plays where the situations are in no way ethnically-specific calling for a certain color in their casting. And in ethnically-diverse cities like New York, you see people on the street and with social networking site profiles that only have one color and/or shade. These people practicing modern-day segregation should be ashamed of themselves and their existence. For we have something to learn from each other, and these people are thumbing their noses at that opportunity.

For this reason, my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:


If you live in the USA, especially in a multi-ethnic area, and you're white with only white friends, black with only black friends, Asian with only Asian friends, Latin with only Latin friends, etc., since you hate befriending and admiring the beauty of variety that God created so much, then you need go back to your "motherland", and be a worthless existence THERE!


I'm just stating the obvious.

Write That Down #31

Recently, this latest "Write That Down" quote has been going through my mind quite a bit. But the final straw to push me to say it now was when I saw a scene featuring a subject from my past posts, Ty (or "Tyron" as he is listed in the movie I saw) from "Sweet Reunions Over Milk Chocolate, Pt. 2". After reading that post, knowing that I had retired from the industry, Ty still asked if I would do a scene with him. While I told Ty that I would come out of retirement to do the scene, and Ty said he told the studio, the studio never contacted me.

The reason I was willing to come out of retirement to do the scene was to undo most of the things that I spoke of in my poetry series, "The Industry". Mainly the lack of undeniable attractions in so much of today's studio-based porn. And our attraction was so real that many can see it by us looking into each other's eyes in a simple still photograph.

With our many times of having sex being born of that undeniable attraction, it goes without saying that if I see him in a scene with someone else, I know what to look for in his eyes that can tell me if his attraction is real. And in the scene that I saw, the glimmer that was in his eyes with me...was nowhere to be seen. I find this troublesome because if I see someone that I've had sex with in a scene, I would like to masturbate to the memories of that glimmer and passion when we were together. And with that glimmer in his eyes missing, I felt like I was watching what I never, ever wanted to see of him---Ty on an escorting job.

I have said it numerous times... I even said it during my poetry reading in January that the only parts in porn that are supposed to be acted (if any) are the scenario and the greatness of the sex. The attractions are NOT supposed to be acted. That's what escorts have to do, and it's an ugliness that should not be seen. However, porn directors insist on doing it anyway. Hence why studio-based porn is polluted with escorts and not the exhibitionist that porn-buying consumer would hope for. Therefore, not worth your money.

When it comes to what I call "free downloads", while porn studios call them "illegal" or "pirated" downloads, maybe it's my Aries stubbornness, but it is a case of "you say 'tomāto', I say 'tomătoe'". I have sometimes seem movies that I've been in on these sites. So why have I not alerted the studio heads I've worked for? It's because what porn studios call "art", I don't respect it as such. For it's becoming that practically all studios are run by ego-maniacs more concerned with whether or not you can get a hard-on "on their command" rather than whether or not your hard-on is actually inspired by the person you're supposed to do a scene with. In short, you're treated like a dog living to please his owner, instead of a human being displaying his pleasure. And only porn actors in denial would dare to disagree with me. A perfect example is from thinking back to when I did the movie, "The Interview". I recall one of the reasons Tyson Cane liked Favian Gotti was because according to Tyson cane, Favian could get hard on Tyson Cane's command.

I'm different. For similar to what I said earlier, I am a human being, not a dog living to please his owner. Hence mine and Tyson Cane eventual butting of the heads.

Now, when porn studios decide to actually do the work of hiring exhibitionists rather than escorts, thereby making movies based on authentic attractions, I will urge you to pay your hard-earned money for that product. But until I see evidence of that...FREE DOWNLOADS ALL THE WAY!

And to all those in the industry who want to say to me how pirating is wrong, I reply to you with this:
It's WRONG to create a product that caters to racism.
It's WRONG to create a product that purposely and repeatedly displays the worst image of an ethnicity.
And it's WRONG to create a product like porn, and ignore the request of pairing your models with whom they know they have great chemistry with.

I am well aware that 2 wrongs don't make a right. And I've tried my best to get this corrected by addressing those and other matters on this blog over time. However, all I have seen are these much needed changes move way slower than molasses...


...So I have been pushed to advocate doing this 1 wrong to combat those and many more wrongs done by YOU.

It is for this reason practically all studio-based porn is no longer "art" in my eyes. And I'm starting to wonder if it ever was, even when I was a part of it.

If studio-based porn was never "art", my misconception that it was comes from the fact that I view sex itself to be "art". An art that is born from genuine attractions, and based on what I said in the previous paragraphs, few studios (if any) pride themselves on that genuine attraction. Hence how porn has lost being a legitimate art form.

With all this in mind, my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:

I was never really a "porn actor". Due to the so-called "standards" of today's porn, that would be lowering myself. But I have always proudly been and continue to proudly be an exhibitionist.

Now, while this all may seem like I holding a massive grudge against the porn industry. The truth is quite the contrary. In fact, I'm quite thankful for the experience of being "Tré Xavier", because had it not been for those experiences, I would not have all the knowledge I have now, I would not be as thick-skinned against stupidity as I am now, nor would I be getting the opportunities to advance myself. So this is not me expressing a grudge, but venting an annoyance over mishandling. For I am a natural-born fighter for things to be done correctly, and the mishandling of the porn industry gave me the opportunity to better my skills as that fighter.

So THANK YOU.

Write That Down #30

In my recent interview for Dunkin's Playground, I will be the first to admit to how much bad I said about the porn industry, but in the midst of that, I do take note of the good that came from my being in it. So while some are wondering about how my having so much bad to say outweighs the amount of good, it's because I can't, nor should I forget the past bad that helped to make my present good. In short, living by the saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

Mainly because of issues like racism and bigotry, I had to fight so hard for what I have and (more importantly) who I am that there are scars from attempted breaks on my spirit. A spirit that now shines brighter than ever. Those scars don't lessen the shine of my light, but it's my life, so I know that the scars are there. With that in mind, my latest "Write That Down" quote is:

Yes, you gave me lemons, and I was fortunate and smart enough to make some "so-good-it'll-make-you-wanna-smack-yo-mama" lemonade from those lemons. However, that doesn't change my rightful annoyance at the fact that you gave me lemons in the first place...when you should have given me gold.

Write That Down #29

I think I've made it quite clear that I'm not a fan of the Logo TV show, "The A-List: New York". But in the small amount of the show that I've seen, I do know that Austin has a long-distance relationship, and claims to be committed.

Well, he's not the first to be delusional enough to make such a claim, and sadly he won't be the last. Nor is it just gay couples fooling themselves to think that such a set-up can make for a worthwhile relationship. Straight couples do it as well. It's part of what contributes to the high divorce rate.

Knowing this, why do people put up with this? It's because they so desperately want to say, "I'm taken", "I'm spoken for", or "I'm married" that they'll settle for something that is doomed to fail. For in romantic relationships, the more time spent miles away in body, the more it makes you miles away in heart, mind, and soul. For the idea of "absence makes the heart grow fonder" was not meant for romantic relationships where you spend months (or days that add up to months) apart. I mean, these people need to ask themselves, How can you love each other if that being apart makes you not have a home together in the first place, OR you have a home together, but one or both of you are hardly at home?

With that in mind, my latest "Write That Down" quote is not just for gay relationships, but for ALL RELATIONSHIPS. It reads:

If the majority of your time does not have you in the same city as me, lessening the conflict of us getting together, then we are NOT in a relationship. The statement that "we're a couple" and/or the ring on your finger is just you being a guy/girl for show. For how can we love each other if that being apart makes us not have a home together in the first place, OR we have a home together, but we are separately hardly at home? We can't!

Write That Down #28

Entertainment mediums, from media forms to nightlife events can be quite influential in how we perceive things. Especially, when one is weak-minded. Such as how these mediums lead many to believe that to be White or any light-complexion is to be treated as if it's your birth-right to a sense of entitlement and to be considered "beautiful". Of course if the latter were true, then so many Whites and lighter-complexions wouldn't be making the tanning industry, plastic surgery, and medical procedures to fill certain areas such big money businesses.

When it comes to the beauty of Black males, these same mediums are quite limiting. Limiting by displaying the only beauty to be a dark-complexioned, muscled-up gym-rat who is usually bald (most likely to hide his African ancestry). Now considering the intellect displayed by more notable Blacks fitting that description in the media spectrum from hip-hop to gay porn, that doesn't speak well for Black males...AT ALL.

It has gotten to the point that one who doesn't fit that status quo of beauty (like myself) has no choice but to instill in themselves the knowledge of their beauty. For these mediums refuses to confirm my beauty, and there are too many more weak-minded followers (as opposed to TRUE individuals) allowing themselves to become susceptible to these mediums' influences. That is why regardless of your ethnicity or fit physique you have that doesn't receive a proper amount of praise, I strongly advise you to keep in your heart my latest "Write That Down" quote which reads:

When someone tells me I'm good-looking, and I respond by saying "Really?" or "Oh, stop!", that response is not a sign of self-doubt. Because to be honest, contrary to what entertainment mediums says about my degree of Black skin and physique, I have enough self-confidence to know that I am a beautiful man - on the outside that is amplified by my being beautiful inside. Instead, my reactions that may be mistaken for self-doubt, is actually my being pleasantly shocked at how there are still a few people in society who amidst all the media hype of what beauty is, are enough of an individual thinker to notice my beauty, which doesn't fit that brand hyped by most entertainment mediums.

Write That Down #27

One thing I have come to be known for is writing about my sexual trysts. I write about them often enough that people think that I'm having a load of sex. Truth is most of the trysts you read about is all that I've done. However, there are some trysts that happen in between sex tales that DON'T get written about for one reason or another.

For a writer, I believe writing about one's sexual encounters should have a purpose. And while others allow seeking book knowledge to take presidence over the human nature to seek knowledge about life by experiences and observations, I stay true to human nature, including in regards to human sexuality. With that in mind, it should be no surprise that I write about my sexual encounters to reveal something new that I've learned, be it about my sexuality or sexuality in general. I'm sure you've also noticed how I take writing about my trysts as an opportunity to express my feelings about something about sex (like a certain position, fetish, or mindset) that I have yet to see addressed in great detail.

All this leads to my getting back to the aforementioned trysts that I don't write about, which is the subject of my latest "Write That Down" quote. It reads:

Sex in romantic or fuck-buddy relationships is sexual play held more sacred to me. So unless you fall in that category, the reason I won't write about a sexual tryst with you is because you gave me nothing new to learn about in exploring sexuality. You're not a new experience, or in no way (before, during, or after the fact) did you inspire me to talk about something about sex that has yet to be addressed in detail. In short, no matter how intense the sex was, you're just too damn common. So to be written about, make it count by being one of some substance. And since I can name names heinously when crossed, make it of good substance. Therefore, players & idiots need not apply.