Dope Dick

Just about every gay male and straight female who has spent time with an alcoholic and/or drug user knows of what I'm about to tell you. With alcoholics, it's called "whiskey dick". With cocaine users, it's called "coke dick". With other drugs, I don't know what it's called. But since all of it takes an idiot to repeatedly put themselves in these situations where alcohol/drug prohibits the guy from being able to "perform" sexually, I have simplified it all with the term "dope dick".

The term "dope dick" is already in use in the Urban Dictionary. However, I think my reasoning behind defining it as such is better than any meanings they have listed.

For instance, my most loyal readers may recall my blog post from September 2007 The Cock-Adieu-I Do and Coke-I-Don't. Well besides that patience trying incident with a drug user, there was another that I never spoke of.

One night out, I met a guy who was kind of husky, but I still found myself attracted to him. This was odd because husky guys who can be healthy are not at all my ideal body type in a sex partner. It was probably for this reason that when he invited me back to his place, I went along. For as a single man, I like being taken out of my routine type every once in awhile. Just present yourself with the heart to inspire it. Also keep in mind that this was before I became as versatile as I am now, so I was still more of a bottom. Anyway, we get back to his place, start fooling around, and when it comes time for him to get hard, after all my fondling, and sucking on his dick ---no reaction. At this point he confess, "I did a little coke earlier. I'm sorry."

But wait! IT GETS BETTER!

This was after 3 a.m., and then he tells me, "I don't feel comfortable having strangers staying in my bed. Sorry, I know I'm being a dick", which means not only am I not getting the dick that I came back there for because his drug addicted ass can't get it up. But to top it all off, he was enough of a fuck-faced faggot to send me home after 3 a.m. from as far as he knows, an unfamiliar spot!

This warranted my response to his self-proclaiming of him being a dick with me saying, "Well, at least you know that much about yourself." So after I left his apartment with his repeat apologies that was about to get me to bloody up his apartment with his own busted skull, I made my way home. Luckily, I knew the area enough to know where to go.

I must confess that I am no stranger to being the dope who gets "dope dick". So my right to damn the stupidity of getting dope dick comes from my being on both sides of the situation. I met this cute French guy who was here on vacation. We were fooling around in a group in a bar bathroom, but as things progressed, I could see that we took a greater liking to each other. All that time, my dick was doing a see-saw of hard and soft. It was like my brain was trying to decide that although I wasn't drunk, whether or not to let the alcohol take hold of my cock's ability to get hard. Afterwards, we discovered that we had to go home not only on the same train, but get off at the same stop. So we rode the train together. After we got off, he invited back to where he was staying. I loved seeing his naked body, but the see-sawing of my dick continued.

We got to the point of where he positioned himself to bottom for me. I looked at his ass, while stroking my dick, and I got hard. But the moment I paused to put a condom on, the see-sawing of my dick had it go down. I did have one try where I was able to get inside him for a good 30 seconds. And though he seemed to love it, it wasn't enough time to stimulate me to stay hard. So the attempts at putting on the condom kept happening to me about 2 or 3 more times to where all we were left with was jerking off.

It is for reasons such as this that make guys go bareback when they shouldn't. Because if I could have avoided that condom, or been dishonest enough to pretend to wear it and fuck him raw, my dick would have been in his little French bubble butt while turning him in all directions to do the Gay Kama Sutra.

What made me think I had a shot was because when I drink, my alcohol drink of choice is seldom the only drink all night. I go back and forth between alcohol drink, then water or soda, alcohol drink, then water or soda, and I repeat that switch all night. And even though I only did it like 3 times, I probably didn't have enough in my stomach for that to work in its usual capacity. Hence the see-sawing of my erections all night.

I'm not a constant drinker. I am not an alcoholic by any means. So this was the night I discovered that I was susceptible to whiskey dick. Had I known before what I know now, I would have never went home with that French guy, because I would have known that I couldn't perform. So why waste both of ours time? What I fault those other guys for is the fact that by their reactions to the cocaine's effect on them, they've done this before. So it's quite likely that they've disappointed others as well.

Like I said before,I'm no stranger to being the dope who gets "dope dick". So from this incident with me as "the dope", my right to damn the imbecility of it comes from my being on both sides of the situation, AND unlike most, owning it.

So with all that in mind, I’d like to close not with a poem to sum up all I have said here, appropriately titled,

Bullying - The Next Cry Wolf

“Some people want to die so they can be free”

That’s a line from the bridge of the Prince song, “Controversy”. The sad fact is many of our young people are taking that line quite literally by killing themselves as a way to escape the bullying that they endure today. And I will address the severity of this later. But for now, what I must address is how some, especially some gay activists and their followers lacking a sense of self by jumping on a bandwagon are overusing the word “bullying”.

A couple of weeks ago, someone on Facebook asked this question:

What would you tell yourself to make your 2011 easier if you could go back in time a year ago?

When I read this question, since I like questions that make you think, I took a moment and took stock of the past 12 months of my life. 

 And between working on my poetry series, “The Industry”, presenting the series in January, reading my poetry at the Rainbow Book Fair, invites to model at the Leslie/Lohman Erotic Drawing Studio, appearing in the September issue of Next Door Magazine, and my interview with Swerv Magazine, these past 12 months have almost nothing I want to go back in time to make easier.

However, I must say “almost” because I then realized that there was something that I would go back in time if I could to make 2011 easier. It would be to not give the guy from my poem “Paying (Ends---My ‘Friend’) the time of day. And if you’ve heard or read the poem and its accompanying post, you understand why I feel that way. Hence why my answer to that question on Facebook was as follows:

Stop opening myself up to emotional cripples like "said person". Save my kindness and 2nd chances for someone who UNMISTAKABLY deserves it.

When I said “said person” the fact is not only did I write this guy’s name, but I also tagged it. And when I said before how I wouldn’t give him “the time of day”, I mean that in the most literal sense of the phrase. For me and this guy met at as volunteers at a sex party. During the party, we never spoke to each other. At the end of the party however, after we all got dressed and were preparing to leave, he asked if anyone had the time. Always wearing my watch, I was the one who answered. He was standing across the room from me, and walked over to me while saying “Thank you”, and came over and kissed me. And not just a peck on the cheek or lips, but a full-blown kiss with tongue. And from that night on, we tried making plans to get together to hang out. With me, like with too many guys before, putting in the most effort.

The guy who wrote that Facebook question was not happy with my reply. He deleted it, and sent me and email chastising me for doing a public bashing of someone on his wall. A bad judgment on my part that I accept responsibility for. The problem is he took too far by calling it a form of bullying.

In reply I said:

You're right. It was a public bashing. You are correct in that regard. So my apologies.

However, a public bashing does not always have to be construed as bullying. Especially when in this case, it's AN ADULT being held accountable for what they've done. But that is as you said my personal issue with this person. But it is NOT bullying. 

The word "bullying" is becoming so overused, especially by gay activists lately that it soon will become like crying wolf - where no one will pay attention to the cry of it when it's truly needed.

The beginning of his reply reads:

LeNair, I'm not going to get into a semantics war with you. Bullying is the word that I said, and it's the word that I meant.

Now, I have reached a point in my maturity where once I make my correct response to a situation, if what you have to say doesn’t embrace that, you will find your long-windedness ignored. Hence why I never read beyond those 2 sentences of the long-winded yammering paragraph that those 2 sentences come from.  Because I already took responsibility for how I handled the situation wrong.  But I’ll be damned if I’m going to tolerate some weak-minded rider of the gay activist bandwagon bordering on burning another bridge by shaking his “Mommy” finger at me. Because I am not dumb enough to be his spouse, or unfortunate enough to be his child, so I am under no obligation to listen to his bullshit accusation of bullying like too many gay activists are now quick to do when you take the slightest verbal swipe at an adult.

For that is one of the ways that the word “bullying” is losing it validity to the point that is becoming the next cry “wolf”. Another way is because gay activists have now tried to shall we say “corner the market” on being bullied. Thereby being the stereotypical gay narcissist ignoring the larger world of misunderstood youth, be they nerds, acne-sufferers, straight, gay, bi, Black, White, Asian, Indian, rich, poor etc. who needs supports. You need to can your hissy fit when I hold an adult responsible for their misbehavior towards me. Because there is a very distinct difference.

Sadly, an accusation of bullying being on the edge of a gay person’s tongue has now become almost as common as the mouth’s natural production of saliva. The problem is that when it becomes that constant, the accusation can all too often be proven false. Such as in the case I’m talking about now where I can easily prove how I’m being chastised when there are others who really need it a hell of a lot more than me.

Now, this person said in his last response to me that he didn’t want to get into a semantics war with me. Well, my response to him is simple:

If you don’t want to get into a war over semantics, then I suggest you put a lid on your dramatics.

For there are people out there who really are being bullied. Many of them young and failed by parents who are so caught up in their careers that they’re not there for their children and/or school systems that have their hands tied in dealing with the situation. But both act like the most loving after a child has killed him/herself over the torment he/she has endured.

This person accusing me of bullying that guy, needs to learn some individuality, therefore stop jumping on the gay activists bandwagon, and get his facts straight on what bullying is. For I have an equation for him and everyone else in doubt of what defines as an act of bullying. The equation is as follows:

Overcompensating Coward + Victim = Bullying

I’ll say it again: Overcompensating Coward + Victim = Bullying

Now, anyone who knows me knows that equation doesn’t work for this, or any situation that I’m involved in. Because while that guy likes to play victim, hence one of the things that made us part ways, especially for some dimwit females’ sympathy, I however am by no means an overcompensating coward. For whatever I say on this blog, I have no problem re-iterating it to the face of the person I’m talking about should I have to. And furthermore, that guy from “Paying (Ends---My’Friend’)” knows that I have no problem saying to his face what I’ve said here, or in the post and poem.  For some of this has been said to him already. And what I didn’t get to say to him already didn’t get said to his face because I know his cowardice wouldn’t allow it to be said to his face by me. Instead, he would leave me to resort to his cowardice mode of communication, texting. OR it will just fester within me, so I wind up using any mode presented to me to vent my annoyance of his existence. Which is a natural reaction. The mistake I and others must not make is to vent that rightful annoyance in an improper place. But even if you vent it in the wrong space, it is not the unnatural action of bullying. It is instead just plain rudeness, and I have already owned up to that lapse in my judgment. In any case, as with any equation, if one part of the equation is non-existent, then it’s not the answer you’re looking for. Therefore, since I’m not an overcompensating coward, no bullying took place.

The existence of the guy I wrote the comment about made himself the dark disappointing, worthless cloud within those past 12 months of my life. Worthless to the point that if I could go back in time, and not give him the time of day, like I did the night we met, I seriously doubt it would trigger a butterfly effect. It’s sad and may seem cruel to say, but it is without a doubt TRUE.

But with the things that lead me to that sad true statement, my question to the person who accused me of bullying is this:

Were you the one being spoken to in a rude tone on the phone, because this guy was hanging out at a bar on the verge of getting wasted again?

Were you the one repeatedly getting apologized to and accepting that overload of apologies the day after this alcoholic’s tirade?

Were you the one who was asked to put the integrity of your blog on the line after this guy once again in a drunken state being the alcoholic that he was, got up in a bouncer’s face yelling “Ha” for defending a friend of his who may or may not have in the past done something out of line while in a drunken state just like this guy has done with me?

With the answers to ALL of these questions being “No”, the person who accused me of bullying is making himself into nothing more than a follower of the moronic gay activists overusing the word “bullying”. Thereby showing himself to be a bigger fool by joining those foolish activists in crying “wolf”. Because as I’ve said before, the follower of a fool is a bigger fool than the original.

While I won’t reveal who the person is that accused me of bullying, I will say that he is involved with the porn industry. And isn’t it funny how the last person to jump on that bandwagon of falsely accusing people me of bullying also deals heavily with people in the porn industry.

I’m well aware that most industries nowadays don’t make an effort to hold anyone accountable when something goes wrong, but the porn industry has made it their means of existence to not hold people accountable.

Case in point being the very recent story swirling around gay porn over gay-for-pay porn actor Spencer Fox dogging gays and the gay porn industry. Being the bitches in denial that gay-for-pay porn actors are, this is common behavior from them in some degree. But do you think the people like Chi Chi LaRue, Chris Steele of Jet Set Men, or Michael Lucas (just to name a few directors)  who hire gay-for-pay porn actors without batting an eye take responsibility for creating these obvious self-loathing monsters? OR do the gay porn bloggers who big up the gay-for-pay porn actors’ image by writing about them take responsibility for their part in this creation of a monster by way of a hideous soul?

The answer to both questions is a deafening and echoing “NO!”

Because that’s what people in many industries, especially the porn industry tend to do. It‘s the reason why so many have some degree of chemical dependency. For they’re trying to escape the guilt of the wrong they do, that no one is adult enough to hold them responsible for.

The reason I brought this up is because both of those industry people falsely accusing me of bullying did so because I was holding a person responsible for what they did. A public bashing is not always bullying. Especially in regards to the guy I wrote “Paying (Ends---My ‘Friend’)” about, based on all I went through with him, including what I haven’t told you, was a public bashing provoked and justified? ABSOLUTELY, especially from an artist’s perspective since venting through your art form is your therapy. But to do that therapy on the Facebook wall of a complete outsider to the situation, like the person who recently accused me of bullying? While this person’s question provoked the public bashing, being that he’s an outsider to the situation, it was not justified. But that still doesn’t make it bullying. Because remember my equation:

Overcompensating Coward + Victim = Bullying

But based on this accuser’s way of thinking, my calling him out for his false accusation is me bullying him. BULLSHIT!

Because  if I wanted to go that route, the bullying to report is from those 2 accusers as the overcompensating cowards. Because the reason they are pointing their fingers at me is because put in the same situation, they’re too cowardly to hold the person accountable. They’re going to do like most, and leave the obnoxious wrong-doer off without being called out on what they’ve done. After all, the accuser who provoked this post was one of the inspirations for my post from 3 ½ years ago, “Shhhh….It’s A Small Community” for he said that since the porn community is small, people don’t name names….What the FUCK does the size of a community have to do with whether or not someone deserves to be called out?! Not a damn thing. It’s mindsets like this that give just fuel to the negative stigma of how the porn community and its closest associates are dysfunctional.

Now if this guy I made a comment about was to off himself because of his guilt over how he was the ugly spot of my year, well that would be on him. And I really don’t give a damn. Because if you don’t want to feel guilt, then don’t do wrong. But my holding him accountable for being that ugly spot is not bullying.

However, there are people out there who really are being bullied. Have done nothing wrong to deserve it, but be themselves regardless of their orientation, color, economic background, religion, whatever. And they need to know that they’re loved.

As you can see, I am sympathetic to those affected by bullying. Because I was bullied myself as a child. Hence why I am able to come up with that equation for bullying. Because back then, those kids were overcompensating ghetto trash cowards, and I was their victim. But the time came when I had to grow up, and stop being a victim, and bring myself to being only a target. For I’ve had instances in my adult life where I could have played the victim to someone trying to bully me. Such as the conflict at my poetry reading back in January with Diesel Washington. I could have easily played the victim to his bully-like behavior. In fact, I dont’ even recall using the word “bullying” in telling of that incident. It’s because I didn’t play victim to his overcompensating cowardice that he’s used to from White boys who cowering down to him because of their White guilt, and being intimidated by his size. Instead, I fought back by talking back. And that’s what a lot of gays need to start doing now. STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM!!! So that this overuse of the word “bullying” comes to a much needed end.

Now contrary to what gay activists want to make you believe, bullying is NOT just a gay problem. Nor is it just a child’s problem. For some adults, bullies are bosses, with their subordinates as the victims in the equation. Such as one of the reasons I’m sure they were glad to get rid of me at the law firm I was working at was because I wouldn’t allow myself to be a victim, whether it was a co-worker, a partner in the firm, or someone in administration. And for others, bullies are stalkers. But in all these situations, one can either be just a target or a victim. And which one we become depends on (1)the REaction of the bully’s target AND (2)the powers that be doing their part to remedy the situation. To clarify, a bully’s target can stay being only a target by taking a stand on his/her own and/or reporting the bully to the proper authorities. However, the target becomes a victim by him/her and/or the proper authorities doing nothing.

The bottom line is the fact that bullying is a very real problem. It has been going on since the dawn of mankind. But as time and technology has changed, new methods have arose. And with those new methods, we must remember the basic principle of bullying that will stand until the end of time as to what should be defined as “bullying.” Don’t go pulling new principles out of your ass to define “bullying” for the sake of pandering to a cause.

While some who have been bullied take the weakness route and become bullies themselves, others who have been bullied like myself, use that adversity to make themselves stronger inside than we would have been had we not been bullied. So it’s another case of how every dark cloud has a silver lining.

So to all those struggling, may you find the light at the end of the tunnel. For you will, just as I have. All you have to do is follow my motto, ---- Keep Being U2B. FREE.

Becoming Mr. Mistress - text version

Due to the quick popularity of my last podcast, I have decided to comply with request of having it in text form. Thanks to those who helped to make it such a success.

I define myself as a predominately gay bisexual. However, this situation is one that is all too common in this technological age regardless of your age, gender, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation. So I strongly advise you to read this, and feel free to pass it along to friends who might have, are presently, or are on the verge of living this scenario.

What made me need to tell this story is because I have been in 3-ways, and even felt like I was nearing being propositioned to be part of a 3-way partnership. But in all of my sexual experiences and online encounters, you might be shocked to learn that I have never experience something like this.

About 3 weeks ago, I got a friend request on Facebook. The guy said that we chatted on the gay hook-up website, Adam4Adam a couple of years ago. He also lives here in NYC. As with my most people, before I accept their friend request, I checked their info. Hence why there are some people right now waiting for me to accept their friend requests but I won’t because there is just too little information available to me about them and their friends. And some of them look like kids, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to have Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC’s “To Catch A Predator” busting down my door, with cops cuffing me, and taking my computer for suspicion of pedophilia. That shit is not happening.

Anyway, after I accepted his friend request, he started chatting with me. Our chats (all of which he initiated) always wound up with us exchanging very sexual flirtations. As this went on, I began considering picking up where we left off in our exchanges on Adam4Adam. But to be sure, I went to his profile to see some things. His relationship status – but there was nothing listed in that regard. So I went to the back-up, his photos. I saw a guy in some of the pics that the body language suggested he was more than a friend. The date on those pics was July. Now with relationships being as fleeting as they are these days, I thought that relationship might be over and he just never deleted the pictures. The same way Toby, the guy from my poem "Paying (Ends---My Friend)" is still on my friends list with him tagged in my drawings that symbolize his bad behavior. However, with this guy, as our chats continued, he always said things that if you didn’t read between the lines like I do, you might not realize that this relationship of his wasn’t at all over. But he never came right out and said it like he should have, especially since no words stated so on his profile. The problem was that while I was figuring this out, my desire to come face to face with him was starting to grow again, just as it did when we exchanged messages on Adam4Adam.

One of our flirtation conversations led to him saying to me, “…too damn bad i didn't meet you when we first started talking, …something tells me we could've had a lot of fun. i still imagine we would."

I said in reply, “Obviously, you do.”

He said, “oh, why so obvious? Lol”

And that’s when I dropped the bomb by saying, “Well, having a taken man tell you how he's been turned on by you, can't be more obvious than that.”

He confirmed how true that was and then apologized if I felt it was inappropriate of him to talk to me so much or in that way, or if it was unfair to me. I told him that if I didn’t do my research and see his pictures, I wouldn’t have known about his boyfriend, because he never mentioned him. So his actions were unfair. And not just to me, but to his boyfriend as well. He agreed and told me that he loves his boyfriend, and he would never cheat on him. But it’s just that at times he feels a bit trapped, sexually.

Well, since I don’t know much about him and nothing at all about his boyfriend, nor am I behind their closed doors, I won’t doubt as to whether or not he loves his boyfriend. But how many times have we seen this scenario? How many entertainment and political scandals have started out this way in recent years because of this technological age of social media websites making us able to lay the ground work of meeting someone? Yet one party professes their love for and faithfulness to their significant other while pretty much saying all the words to court another? Waaaaay too many!

Now let’s go back to when he said that he at times feels trapped, sexually. He says that my openness about sex is part of what drew him to me. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t that sexual openness and adventurous spirit have been a requirement he made of his boyfriend before taking up with him? The same way I said in a recent blog post how I could never be in a monogamous relationship with a guy who is a total top or a total bottom, because my versatility is going to make me crave both the dick and ass of that man. And denying me of either will only spark me to look outside of that relationship. Now, if you tell me beforehand that there is a physical reason for you to be a total top or bottom, and I accept it, then I can’t complain. Or if something happens to you physically during the course of our relationship that makes you a total top or bottom, then I should accept it and be monogamous. Otherwise, what halts you is mental, and I am under no obligation to proceed with attempting a monogamous relationship with you. And this is a conversation we need to have before we call ourselves “a couple”.

So if my sexual openness and adventurous spirit is such a draw to him, then it only makes sense for me to conclude that his feeling sexually trapped is born from one of 3 things:

(1) he’s having issues with having sex with the same person all the time, which is not uncommon.

(2) his boyfriend is what they call “vanilla”. Meaning that he doesn’t do too much outside the norm, and there might not be much communication about what he does within that norm. This is communication that should have been had before they called themselves “a couple”.

Whatever reason he has bouts of feeling sexually trapped, it’s why some couples are into 3-somes, swinging, and open relationships. But also, it doesn’t justify him leading anyone on, or putting himself in the position to be unfaithful since being in one of those more sexually open relationships doesn’t seem to be an option for him. Or

3) some combination of 1 & 2.

Now, it’s inevitable that at some point, one of us would have propositioned a meeting, and the other would have agreed. It was inevitable because it is a natural instinct put in us human beings that when we feel trapped, we are to seek escape. So what if I was such a lonely soul that I decided to offer myself as this guy’s escape from that feeling of being sexually trapped? Or what if he propositioned me to come face to face at long last? Maybe just to talk. Maybe more. Consciously, or subconsciously, no matter how much he claims that he would never cheat on his boyfriend, it’s a line we’ve heard of too many times before, as he would have been putting himself in the position to be unfaithful. And I also would have lessened my worth as a person by being a party to it.

Now, they say it’s a small world. By both of us living here in New York City, it makes it even more probable that even in a city this big that, I could very easily run into this guy and his boyfriend. And it should be hell on my conscience to look his boyfriend in the face. Now, the question is while it should be hell on my conscience, would I risk lessening my worth because I’m that lonely a soul?

Well, I’m going to put it to you like this, …I have no intention of being Kat Von D. to this guy’s possible Jessie James. Having Karma kick my ass because of what I did to his boyfriend’s  possible part as Sandra Bullock. In short, NO, I am not lessening my worth, nor am I that lonely a soul.

I admit to having my moments of loneliness. But 1) no one should find a piece of ass, a piece of dick, or a piece of pussy worth all that hiding and bad karma. Especially, when at the end of the day, until that person gets caught, he/she is going back to the real significant other. The significant other that he/she shares a life, maybe a home, and maybe even children with. And 2) I love myself enough to not be someone’s consolation prize. Which is what you’ll become when that person gets caught and thrown out on his/her ass. Everyone’s goal in their love life should not be a consolation prize. But instead, demand that they are THE PRIZE.

It’s sad how someone into monogamy can immediately communicate to someone they’re seeing how that person is not their type once that person reveals being in the sex industry. Yet, they can’t bring themselves to talk about their own sexual nature, be it mild or wild. Well, the reason why it seems so easy is because the monogamous person doesn’t have to communicate to the person in the sex industry that a union between them won’t work. Because CIRCUMSTANCE did the talking for them. CIRCUMSTANCE allowed them to maintain their being tongue-tied by way of sexual repression. And I’m not saying that the monogamous person is sexual repressed because he/she isn’t so sexual open enough to be in the sex trade. I’m saying he/she is sexually repressed because they won’t communicate with their partner what they want sexually. Or for the sake of not being alone, they settle. Which is why some relationships involving people of 2 opposing sexual natures come to fruition, even though they should have never gotten started in the first place. Unfortunately, there comes a time when one or both parties can’t lie about it anymore, and the opposing sexual natures surface so much that a parting of the ways is a must.

Now before I continue, some of you might not realize that I do need to clarify what I mean by “monogamous”. For there are those in the sex trade like some porn actors and prostitutes who are part of a couple, who show that they are dumber than a box of hair by claiming “outside of work, we’re monogamous”. Truth be told----NO THE FUCK YOU ARE NOT!!!! Because your male significant other is getting his dick wrapped nice and snug in a 98.6 degree hole, be that hole a mouth, ass, or pussy that is NOT yours, and your male or female significant other is getting his or her 98. 6 degree hole, be it a mouth, ass, or pussy stuffed better than the turkey you had this past Thanksgiving with a male’s dick that is NOT your own. The short version is, no matter what the situation you put yourself in, if you’re fucking somebody besides your significant other, you are NOT monogamous. Don’t try to bullshit me just because you’re dumb enough to try to bullshit yourself.

Therefore, these people need to stop lying to us and themselves, and start communicating the truth. Just like any member of a couple needs to when they feel in some way trapped. Because circumstance is not going to always do the talking for you. For it happens more often than not that you’re going to have to be an adult, therefore make an adult decision, therefore have an adult conversation. Otherwise, the situation that I am speaking of now, or worse is the situation that you end up with.

There is a part of me that thinks had I kept up with communicating with this guy, that I would have no need to do this podcast, because we’ve experienced each other, and might still be together. But make no mistake, I am by no means doing this podcast as a regret song of “Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda”.

Because you may have come to know of me by way of the internet, but when it comes to my social life, I deal with the real world. Even though I have profiles on Adam4Adam, Manhunt, Gaydar, BBRT, DudesNudes, and maybe some others I’m forgetting right now, the fact remains that the overwhelming majority of guys in my life have been met by venturing out into the real world. Some might say they don’t have time to go out and meet people. Well guess what? The time it takes you to plant your ass in front of that computer, and make a profile, send an email, or chat online, you could have took your ass out into the real world and met someone. The reason why you won’t is because of you’ve probably become conditioned to play along with the sheer cowardice in communicating by using the less intimate ways that this technological age has greenlighted. My most loyal readers may recall that I’ve had this problem with Danny, and most recently Toby who both text like crazy, instead of being a man about their business and TALK - voice to voice and/or face to face.

And playing into those modernized bad habits is why this guy never heard from me again. I’m not an online or texting type of person when it comes to communicating in my personal relationships. If you live in this city, and want to maintain communication, then up the ante on your communication with me. Because of you don’t…your lost will surely be somebody else’s gain. And you risk the chance that you’ll be left to settle. Which may have very well been the case of the guy I’m talking about now. I don’t know anything about his boyfriend. I don’t know his boyfriend’s personality, sexual likes and dislikes. I know NOTHING. But I’ll tell you what, I’m not going to allow myself to be his “guy on the side” just because he may have decided to settle. With most people that I’m interested in talking to, I give them my blog address. And considering how I reveal so much of my stands on my blog, if they are still interested, then we can go further from there. Because there are so many ways to find me. But this guy waited until now to do it. Well, for me or anybody with worthwhile standards, it’s too little, too late.

And like I said before, he said he wouldn’t cheat on his boyfriend. Do any of you within the sound of my voice really expect me to believe that at some point the temptation would not have become too strong for one or both of us to resist making that next inevitable step? I didn’t think so.

As I said in the intro, this story crosses over the lines of age.\,ethnicity, religion, gender, and sexual orientation. So I hope if you find yourself in such a predicament, you will do the right thing. Because it is the only way you will able to give yourself the pat on the back that I’m giving myself right now – with both hands. Because it’s very easy to say “if that was me, I would have done such and such”. But when the moment of truth arrives, some of us don’t follow through on doing “such and such”. Well, this time, it was me presented with that moment of truth, and I did do “such and such”. Why?

Because I am too damn good to be ANYBODY’s "Mr. Mistress".