The Social Destruction of Fan Paysite Pornstars

I have a friend with benefits that I have fooled around with for a few years now. We have discussed numerous times about making a video because the sex between us ---- my dick inside his beautifully round ass----is SO FUCKIN' HOT.

Sometimes, when we get together, I'm ready to place both of our smartphones so we can make a video from 2 angles instead of just 1. However, just as quick as it enters our minds, we let it leave. It's because our lust for each other takes precedence. Making the only buttons we want to push not be those on a camcorder, the camera app on our cell phones, or the webcam on our laptops. Instead, the only buttons we want to push are those in and on our bodies to trigger one another's erogenous zones.

If porn actors and others with accounts on fan paysites like OnlyFans, JustForFans, and 4MyFans had that same kind of depth towards each other, then such sites would not presently be all the rage. Nor would they be a new rabid sign of how we are failing each other. For while we already know that sex is a commodity to them, their account on such sites shows just how deeply troubling such an outlook on sex really is.

When I did studio-based gay porn, I cherished my sex away from the camera. I never even propositioned a playmate during that time about recording us. Hence why the videos of me with someone on my XTube account are all after my retirement from studio-based porn. It's because I wanted my sex partners to know that I wasn't "on" while I was with them. I also wanted them to know that the sex I was having with them was about me enjoying their company first and foremost. Enjoying and reveling in the pleasures born from the sights, sounds, taste, textures, and smells from the joy and intimacy of the sex. Unlike those on these fan paysites, my playmates weren't a means to build up my marketability, even as a sex educator. If they exemplified a point that I've often made, like my playmate in "Why It's WE Fuck", it was strictly by chance.

In that and all of my other videos with someone, we were so into each other that we never looked at the camera. Unlike many on those fan paysites. Many of them can't get enough of looking at the camera while fucking. Never realizing how that look in the camera exposes:

• their desperation for validation through porn
• 
  
  
  an indicator of how in their narcissism, they want to make money from memberships so bad that they refuse to enjoy their sex partner and communicating that to their sex partner by looking into their partner's eyes. And sometimes, if they do look in their eyes, it's not with their own eyes. They instead use the eye of a camera. Lessening their intimacy with that person. Signifying so much more social ineptitude;
• 
  a sexual display that is all a put-on. When these porn actors play to the camera in their videos, you are never allowed to play voyeur and see their true sexual self. So if you're dumb enough to pay for it, then you're paying for a fake display. And the more you pay for it, the more it reveals your lack of respect for the connection that should come with sex. Especially when it is to be viewed by others.

I'm sure many have one of these fan paysites to have sex where they can reclaim control over their sexual self and escape from the loud-mouth and scrutiny of a porn director living vicariously through them. Working in such conditions, I understand a porn actor's need to escape. However, they need to wise up... Because what good is their "escape" when during their sex away from a studio, they're still playing to the camera? Also, where is the reclaim of power over their sexual self? Because in the end...

You are still somebody's bitch. You are still owned.

The difference is that instead of being owned by a studio-based porn director, you've now become a owned by your subscribers. Going from clocking in and out to be one power's bitch, then clocking in to being an even greater power's bitch. And quite often, it's within the porn actor's own place of residence. So where is the "home", and where is the "sweet" in your "Home Sweet Home" now?

Sadly, you sold it. While selling away the joy of having a praiseworthy sex life. And the "praiseworthy" I'm speaking of is solely about the serenity and intimacy that a mentally and emotionally healthy sex life should have. Because call it a job or not, it's still sex. Therefore, even if it's just a tryst, it needs that spiritual connection to be mentally and emotionally healthy sex. And that does not happen in many of these fan paysite scenarios.

Some on sites like OnlyFans have the fuck-faced audacity to ask you for tips so you'll see the very content that you subscribed to them for in the first place, which is deplorable. Many porn actors try to say they don't deserve to be looked down upon, but when they pull stunts like this, they most definitely deserve it. Because a subscriber already paid to see you totally naked, and/or to see you fuck. So asking for anymore money is you being another greedy, lecherous stereotypical prick that the sex industry is known for. So you're keeping the negative stigma associated with the porn industry very much alive. Congratulations, asshole!

With such methods, the way many do their fan paysite accounts makes them always "on". So they in turn have no real sex life. And the more members of our community act like this is okay, the more we are contributing to the lack of intimacy in our community's relationships.

Speaking of intimacy in relationships, let's address those who are on these sites and claim to be in relationships. What does this say about their significant other?

Well for starters, their "significant other" can't really be that significant. To themselves or the porn actor they're involved with. For after all I have said here thus far, do you really think allowing an even longer chain to the porn industry than that of a common studio-based porn actor makes an emotionally and mentally healthy relationship? Or does it contribute more so to the growing social dysfunction in the gay community?... I say the latter.

Since this is so often for the sake of bigging up the amount of material to put on their fan paysite accounts, and making "commercials" for their porn careers, it causes and justifies the lack of respect many have for sexual performers today. The ripple effect of this ignorance is that it causes true exhibitionists like myself to be seen just as worthy of disdain and unworthy of respect. In spite of the fact that our respect for you as a voyeur is the reason why you are never charged so much as a penny.

I have never, even while I was doing studio-based porn, charged viewers for watching my tube site videos. I always kept links to my porn accounts near the top of this page because over the years, I love the way I have learned to masturbate. I love the sex that I have learned to have. And I love that you enjoy watching me learn both. You can't really put a price tag on that love, or those connections.

This is why I am so troubled by many with these fan paysites. It's because they don't know of that love. Even if they say they do, their actions of having such an account, performing the way they do, and charging you money for it speaks way louder than their words.

Porn actors need that away-from-the-camera sex more than anyone. But having one of these accounts blinds them to the how sex needs to is a nature-blessed joy to cherish and the high percentage of times it needs to be held sacred. Even if they claim to find the person hot that they make a video with, how cherished and held sacred is that sex by all parties? Knowing that the main reason it was recorded was not to have a cherished memory of the encounter. Instead, it was recorded primarily for the purpose of making money. Even if a porn actor suppresses that acknowledgement, it is still there in your brain for you to feel less than because of it. Which leads to porn actors acting out. Most likely by doing more scenes, and taking more pics, then using the likes and purchases by subscribers and followers to distract them from dealing with the ugliness of it all.

So the real one who suffers in this obsession with seeking subscribers are those with the accounts. They are selling out their intimacy all for the sake of greater porn stardom. Being a fighter for exhibitionism and a healthy state of mind with it is why this troubles me. So for now, the best I can do is what I do when my compassion crosses paths with an addict... Distance myself from those who feel the need to go this route, but leave myself open to advise them if/when they alas realize, or even simply open up to suspecting that they have made a bad call.

It sadly needs to be this way because our society is already plagued with social ineptitude because of obsession with forms of social media. And the gay community as a whole is even more so socially inept by its unawareness and denial of how we define one another and gay sex by ways taught by porn. So such people need to be left alone until they realize the harm to others, and to themselves that they are contributing to.

The Bible of Gay Sex is BLASPHEMY

The publishing company Bruno Gmunder published a book last year titled "The Bible of Gay Sex". I flipped through this book, and all I saw was white and light-complexioned Latino porn actors. Images to say that they are the epitome of sex and sex appeal, and all the rest of us are only worth being their voyeurs. And to be sure, I flipped through this book a number of times to make sure I didn't miss a person of color that wasn't considered "passing" like light-complexioned Latinos are by the white-preferring racists of our community.

I say "white-preferring racists" because in addition to whites, there are Blacks, Middle Easterners, and Asians who have been brainwashed by the racist domination of media, and the racist ignorance of their native cultures to also play a part in perpetrating the idea of "white is right".

In my Aries stubbornness and 6th sense telling me there was a black model to be found, I one day did indeed find a black model. Only one, so it was a bittersweet find, because that meant, as usual, they were practicing tokenism with black males. Then in a fraction of a second, the bittersweet became a little sweeter. For the black model was....bottoming.

Yes, you read correct. A muscular black model bottoming.

Since showing black males bottoming with white sex partners was one of my goals in my getting into gay porn, I was quite happy to see this.

But the remaining fraction of a second made the bittersweet find that turned a tad sweeter fall into being sour then vomit-inducing spoiled. For this muscular black male bottoming in the photo was doing so... while snorting lines of cocaine.

So Bruno Gmunder, saw fit to publish a gay sex education book depicting its sole black male as a drug addict.

With Bruno Gmunder as the book's publisher, that means they have final say. That by no means exonerates those in the chain before this book went to print for their part in this racist depiction of black males during gay sex. In this case, that would be Cazzo Film Berlin, Steffen Kwelke (layout and illustrations), picture editor Simeon Morales, Dolph Caesar (final layout), and Zwei G Consult (production).

My annoyance is because I'm tired of the limiting view of black males. Depictions orchestrated by racist white males and their sexual insecurities. Expanding for the better their depiction of black males in one way, while shitting on us more so than before in another, which in turn evens out to no progress at all. For the sheer purpose in their so-called minds is to still have us blacks "kept in their place". All of this done with these whites having an unjust sense of entitlement thinking that we blacks should not complain, because "at least a black male was featured".

Furthermore, why is the black male the drug abuser? Because based on my many inter-ethnic multi-colored encounters, be they 1-on-1 or in a group with me as the only black male in the room, my sole black self is the only person in the room not participating in substance abuse. Not even poppers. So this false imagery of white/light complexioned males being the epitome of sex and sex appeal really needs to stop. Especially when my position is further proven by how many more white/Latino porn actors die each year than blacks, or how in a bar/club with multi-colored patronage, how more often than blacks it is that a white/Latino gay male is thrown out for being unruly under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

For those who are really the epitome of sex and sex appeal don't need such substances to invite, incite, or participate in sex. Their natural, untainted sex drive makes all of that happen.

So I am also annoyed by how such imagery and more porn is perpetrating that a bottom can't get through a fuck without substance abuse. Even poppers. And I don't care whether or not what is written in that book counters substance abuse like it should. Due to the aforementioned racist display and negligence on the part of the Bruno Gmunder, and all other parties, this photo in 2016 furthers porn's influence into our sex lives, and not for the better. For it still depicts bottoms as the position of weakness in gay sex. When in fact, such a bottom is not the weakness, but the weaker. For a strong top doesn't want a bottom weak bottom that needs drugs to get through a fuck. Therefore, the top is also weak for tolerating, and most likely inciting the substance abuse, and the bottom is weaker for following.

I predicted "The Bible of Gay Sex" was a racist shit-show as soon as I saw an endorsement on the back cover from of all creatures, Chi Chi LaRue.

With his trifling "Blackballed" series inciting naive white males to make sex with black males a fetish, and a history of movies that make blacks seem otherwise non-existent, therefore unworthy (in his eyes) of sexual notoriety, it's no surprise that he would endorse something putting us black males in a bad light.

With all of that said, I don't care how correct the information on gay sex may or may not be in this book. Because the packaging is DISRESPECTFUL. And I feel every gay male, regardless of their color/ethnicity should feel that way. And in response, boycott buying "The Bible of Gay Sex", and boycott anything from Bruno Gmunder until they cease printing on that edition, and come back with a more respectable edition. One that is way more praising and respectful of color diversity. Like a real book to be considered a "bible" should be.

Go-Go Boys Racially Profiling Blacks... For Drugs

Recently, I wrote a post on Kinja about the roles depending on race/ethnicity that are ordained by the racist whites running gay media and nightlife. Two of the labels I stated as being put upon blacks were those of poor tipper and drug dealer. I should know. BOTH labels have been put upon me.

In numerous posts, I have made it no secret how many go-go boys do racial profiling in targeting patrons for tips. So if you're a person of color and notice a white patron getting more attention for their $1 tip than you, it's because they were taught the prostitution "mind"-set of targeting first old, then younger white males. And whether this is a practice taught by party promoters or more seasoned go-go boys, now you know what you're seeing. Also, you also now know to never tip his racist faggotty pig ass again.

So I already knew about go-go boys doing racial profiling for tips. However, imagine my surprise to see them do racial profiling...for drugs!!!

Yes, you read correct. I've seen a go-go boy do racial profiling for drugs. Now, it's bad enough to have had a number of situations where a white/light bar patron racially profiled my black self as knowing where to get drugs. And if you think it's not racial profiling, then explain this:

Some white/light people walk into the bar. Walking past numerous white/light people, and they don't stop and chat with another patron until they stand near you, one of (if not the only) black people in the room. And their greeting is them asking you if you know where they can get drugs.

Those doing this kind of racial profiling even includes a former Next Magazine cover model. But a go-go boy racially profiling a black person (or any other person of color), AND while on the clock is insulting to  the patron. Especially when that patron is a paying American patron.

I know because I am that paying American patron.

These Brazilian go-go boys are a duo. One with light hair, and one with dark. They were doing as they always do, when not on a box, tip-toeing around the bar, primarily targeting anyone alone. For in their minds, "alone" and "lonely" are synonyms, when actually they're not. For being lonely is being sad from being alone. I know their modus operandi so well because I was alone to do what I always do, observe and learn, which in turn makes me happy to be alone. But since they're one of my targets of observation, they would never fathom that.

However, on this night, the dark-haired one came up to me, which I found odd. For his light-haired partner always talked to me, but never him. In fact, the dark-haired one only shuffles across the floor, grinds up on a guy who makes their interest known by gawking at him, then says “Thank you”, only occasionally talking to anyone beyond that. So him opening his mouth to simply greet me when I was paying him no mind put me in even more shock. Well, I was trying to figure out what brought about this change in him to socialize with me. It didn't take long to find out.

For the very next thing he said after his greeting was,..."Do you know where I can get some cocaine?"

Hearing that question reminded me as to how I was one of few black guys in the bar, and how many white guys he stuck to his routine with of not talking much unless he was tipped. So between that, my being anti-drugs, being racially profiled by white/light patrons in the past, plus the unprofessionalism it takes for a go-go boy to try getting drugs (especially from a patron) while on the clock, I had to maintain my composure. For I was at a dangerously violent level of PISSED.

So I snapped back with the reply, “You don’t get to be my age, and look this good doing that stuff. So NO.”

Avoiding looking me in the eye, he turned his head and gave me a quick “thank you”, while doing his signature foot shuffle. Going away with his certified jackass tail between his legs.

If you follow my "Calling Out Ass Holes" Tumblr blog, you may know that the racial profiling in bar/clubs regarding drug use has happened to me before. It's recounted in the post titled, "Dancing While Black", where I was once removed from the dancefloor and searched at the (rightfully so) no-more Roxy. All because according to the sellout males of color who searched me, I "fit a description".

Never mind the fact that from what I've witnessed, since my coming out, the ones carried out of the bars/clubs for being wasted from drugs or booze has more than 80% of the time been white, followed their accepted person of color, light-complexioned Latinos.  Blacks and dark Middle Easterners are actually about 10%, or maybe less to be the ones carried out. So we're the good minority. Yet, you have the white heads of nightlife people treating us like we're the bad minority. Like the bad minority is supplying the drugs. And if nightlife people want to go that racist route, then let this scenario light a fuse in their sphincter that explodes when it reaches their stomach...

It's the simple law of economics. Supply & Demand. Even with illegal drugs. Let's say for argument's sake that the drug dealers are black. Well, if that black drug dealer is supplying the drugs, he can't supply the drugs if there is not a demand for product from the low sense of self-worth displayed by those white/light people and/or their Uncle Tom co-horts. So it's these white/light people needing to be carried out of the bar/club who keep the drug dealers in business. Plus, these blacks most likely don't have the connections to get these drugs. But the well-to-do whites targeted by go-go boys do. So there's your real supplier. Yet, just like with the American justice system, the racists running gay nightlife are targeting the black middlemen in the chain of the drug trade. As if that is going to solve the problem.

Well, I've seen some of the minority drug dealers no longer allowed to hang outside the bars. So if that was stopping the drugs, then why am I still being approached by whites asking me if I know where to get drugs? It's because their racist asses are still getting high!

This is what the white/light privilege and entitlement has brought to the gay community now???

It has already made white/light people of all ages feel entitled to touch go-go boys without tipping. Interrupting patrons of color who actually are tipping, all so they can make out with go-go boys, or buy them off the bar with money, promises of sex and/or drugs. All this, YET blacks still get racially profiled for being the main association with drugs and not tipping go-go boys. Well, if blacks do start ignoring go-go boys, you blame us based on how we're treated.

For while I'm sure what happened to me in this instance is not a common incident of racial profiling in gay nightlife, I'm sure it's a sign of the next step. That step where this sense of entitlement, privilege, and preferential hiring meant to cater to racism has now led to white/light staffers boldly racially profiling black patrons. For the racism promoters are catering to leads them to have no fear of consequence(s).

In fact, if the promoter or bar owner learns of this post, I'm sure that the most reprimand that will probably happen to that go-go boy afterwards is him being told to not approach me (specifically) again...because I'm a blogger.

The problem with that is just like many might not know of me as a blogger who calls out such occurrences, the next black person they approach in such an unprofessional manner could also be such a blogger. One even more popular than myself, but taken for granted because blacks are perceived by many as being powerless in the gay community, especially gay media. Or a white/light blogger who witnesses such actions, whose humanity and racial sensitivity make him find such actions from a go-go boy intolerable. Whatever his color, he might be an even more well known blogger whose post like this can do way more damage...

So party promoters and bar owners, THINK ABOUT THAT.

With that said, these promoters better check these go-go boys before bloggers like myself do it for them. Because I'm tired of people of my skin color and darker being made to appear as not good enough to dance on the bars and danceboxes of gay nightlife. Yet, these white/light boys are treated like the saints of beauty & sexuality. Being allowed to pull racist shit like this to patrons, and keep on dancing.

And I know such unprofessional behavior is not the case of every white/light go-go boy. And that's another reason I'm writing this post. For in recent years, I've seen too many go-go boys who are allowed to be this unprofessional that they put those who are professional under suspicion as being just as bad as them.

So THIS ALL NEEDS TO STOP!!! And if calling this situation out needs to be the beginning of that ignorance's end, then so be it.

Why Gays Huff Poppers

Besides peer pressure from gay males making you believe if you don't do it, then you won't be desirable; Besides seeing so many gay males doing it at sex parties and backrooms, which transfers to their private spaces; Besides gay porn reaching such a low in the ignorance they teach new gays and further the social death of old,...EVERYTHING HAS A ROOT.

And gay males using poppers is no different.

The problem is it is a rotting root.

For the reason so many gay males do poppers is the same as with any other drug. They're trying to escape. They're trying to escape the voices of their anti-gay oppressors past, present, and future that still lurk in their minds while doing a gay act.

This is now becoming such an epidemic that gay males' actions today show that poppers, which was once believed to make it easier for bottoms to have anal sex, is now used for every part of gay sex. From blowjobs, to topping, and even voyeurism of gay sex. So it's not the just doing the act of gay sex they're trying to numb themselves to their unnecessary shame of. It's also the unnecessary shame of viewing gay sex. So as much as many will refuse to admit it, as much as it is enabled by various aspects of the gay community, this enabled escapism, this enabled cowardice is now becoming the greatest drug epidemic within our community due to how long it has been enabled by our community.

This acceptance and enabling of poppers show today's gay males who act as if they're more of a man than the gay males of the past to be total frauds unto themselves. Because before some huffing addict(s) influenced others into using poppers, many gay males of the past still got through anal sex with a big enough smile on their face for homosexual sex to continue.

So what is wrong with so many gays today???!!!

There is obviously something wrong when we start telling each other to have a chemical high when we so much as not just make out with our same sex partner, but watch same sex happening. And treating the acts of foreplay and sex themselves as if their high will never be enough.

Sex itself is enough of a high when taken the way nature intended. If you can't feel that, then why fuck???

For so many gays acting like they need poppers to have gay sex further justifies every right-wingers claim that gay sex is unnatural. Therefore, every popper-user is making us our own worst enemy. Undoing all of the progress gay rights activists (who are not substance-abusers) have been doing for so long to show right-wingers that our being gay and the sex we have is natural. Well, how well are you sending that message if you can't get through sex without huffing on a chemical that's lethal if directly ingested orally, and will destroy your brain cells definitely (and maybe your lungs) over time?

Regardless of how many gays over time have enabled the use of poppers by passing it to a "fuck-buddy", or advertisers and retailers making its intended illegal use of huffing go under the radar of legal authorities by prettying up the name by calling them "cleaning solvents" or "electrical contact cleaners", the use of poppers is still a slow mental and physical suicide for anyone using them. Since the chemical fumes are dangerous, especially if inhaled that closely.

The reason they use the terms "cleaning solvents", "video head cleaner", or "electrical contact cleaner" is to escape criminal prosecution for selling an illegal substance. Because if used for their original purpose, cleaning solvents are not illegal. HOWEVER, the reason you would you walk into a sex shop to buy cleaning solvents ---huffing, is illegal. Thereby making someone requesting them by the terminology that makes the intent for that illegal use obvious (poppers) also illegal.

So "cleaning solvents" and "electrical contact cleaners" is a bullshit words for "poppers". I bring this up because the term "cleaning solvents" was recently used to tell the cause of death of gay porn actor King B is to lessen the reality of how many gay males live lives where such a death can easily be either abruptly repeated, or is slowly but surely happening now. And as far as we know, King B. may be the only porn actor to die from using poppers. But ask yourself this:..

...What about all of those porn actors who causes of deaths were never told to the public?

For if no details were given, we can easily rule out a transportation accident as cause of death. That therefore leaves, illness they never wanted told publicly, murder in a place that tarnishes their image, or drug overdose (including poppers) which further justifies the negative stigma about the porn world. In short, death that was in some way the result of their own bad choices.

Anyway, defenders and enablers of this gay self-destruction from poppers are the first to say that no study has been done to prove the long term effects of using poppers. Such a defense is a cop-out excuse for them to not even try using the brain cells that poppers have left for them to use. For you don't need to read a study from someone else to tell you the truth. Nature gave us eyes and a brain to observe things on our own, and take note of consequences for certain actions on our own. With that said, the only person who can't see how older guys who have used poppers for years have many instances where things don't register properly...is someone whose brain is either also at that bad point, or are on the road to that same bad point of brain functionality.

Once I came out to myself and lost my virginity, I believe I subconsciously made a credo for myself that made me not want alcohol, drugs, or any subastance during sex. Even though I have made no secret of my experimentation with drugs during some early sexual escapades, in the end, what has made me be so against substance abuse during sex is realizing how I feel about myself and my body as a man who has gay anal sex. The best words to sum those feelings up are:

I love my dick. I love my ass. I love having men I'm attracted to play with my dick and ass. I love licking, sucking, eating out, and fucking their dicks and asses. And I do it all with no shame. Because for the most part, I'm gay. Therefore, such cravings are my nature, which is a part of nature overall.

If every gay male made such a proclamation and actually meant it, then so many gay males wouldn't feel the need to use poppers for anal sex. For they would want nothing to distract the brain from receiving the message from the nerve endings in your dick and ass to give you the unmatched high of sex. For sex is such a great enough high all its own when done right that it needs no enhancement. And part of sex being done right means being done without the shame your oppressors (namely prudes, religious uptights, and homophobes) have impressed upon you. The reason we are having this epidemic of popper use is because in regards to feeling no shame over their gay selves, many gay males do the talk, but they don't do the walk. 

With that said, no gay using poppers has any right to criticize a popper-huffing gay-for-pay bitch in denial like Vadim Black (as he admitted to huffing on MTV's True Life). Because Vadim Black huffs (and dopes) out of shame of his gay self. 

And if you're huffing on poppers, you're huffing out of shame of your gay self as well.

With all that I've told about myself from my time in porn until now, I am by no means a prude, oppressor, or homophobe. I have your best interest at heart. I want you to have the most mentally and emotionally (leading to physically) healthy sex possible. If I am to stand by my credo, I cannot treat poppers as a thing to call a simple matter of choice like condom use, which may or not be done with healthy intent. However, no matter what you may have been told about doing poppers, short or long term, HUFFING ON POPPERS HAS NO HEALTHY INTENT OR OUTCOME.

It is for this reason that I have decided to never date a guy I know does poppers. It's bad enough tolerating the use of them from a one-night stand, a sex party or backroom tryst, but it's even more disrespectful coming from a significant other. For when you have sex YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE THE ONE & ONLY HIGH for your sex partner(s), and you theirs. And I have reached the point where I refuse to compete with a bottle that at it's smallest is a little less than 2 inches tall. Making it at least 33 times shorter than my 5'6" self.

So in closing, I'm glad to hear that British Parliament is proposing a ban on poppers. I don't know the exact motive. Maybe it's putting capitalism aside for the sake of people's sexual well-being. But based on all what I have said of the real reason gay males use them and the long-term effects I've witnessed, doesn't it tell you something is wrong in our community if the other possibility for this proposed ban on poppers is to make us gays unable to have sex? It means we've as a whole (including political shithead Crispin Blunt) have put out an image of us not being man enough to joyfully have sex without chemicals.

So every time a gay man considers huffing on poppers, as he's putting that bottle to his nose, he needs to think about how enabling and encouraging the use of poppers has shown gay behavior in such a bad light. Then at that point, STOP.

From Daddy Issues To Cyber-Lynching

In various Facebook posts, I've talked about how some gay males daddy issues are manifested by sexualizing those daddy issues by persuing guys old enough to be their father. I have also said that I would be honest as to how I have my own daddy issues, male abandonment issues, namely. and that I would come forward and address those issues in greater detail. Telling how they came to manifest themselves in my own relationships.

Be it Danny, Toby, or most recently, Douglas Sanders, if it seemed that my talking about them bordered on obsession, there's a reason for it.

It's because unlike the other unnamed guys that I've been involved with, those aforementioned guys were failures because they did to me what my father did to my Mom.

They all laid the groundwork for something great to happen out of our time together, and when it became time to man-up, and up the ante on the directions our words, actions, and time spent together was heading, ...they bailed.

Danny laid the groundwork when he took my phone number at The (now thankfully closed) Roxy and called me a day or 2 later in the wee hours of the morning after he got off from work. Toby laid the groundwork when he propositioned me, didn't follow through, so he got rejected by me, but when given another chance, stepped his game up and didn't start following through by proving to be a self-destructive trouble-making drunk. And Douglas laid the groundwork when he invited me to attend his church, cooked for me the day before, let me spend the night in his bed that night and the night after going to his church, then after 4 months of wasting my time on my dime backpedaled because of his religious hypocrisy. Such actions should make it more understandable as to how I see my father's cowardice, therefore giving birth to the hatred I feel for these guys after giving so much of my emotional, mental, and creative self to them.

My cyber-lynching of these guys is how my daddy issues have manifested themselves. Now, these are not the only guys I've been involved with. I have blog posts and poems proving there are other guys. However, what made me part ways with those unnamed guys just warranted a poem or two (like "You Can Say Never"), or to be lumped into being the motivations for my vlog, "10 Reasons Why I Am Single".

I don't know how much (or if at all) Danny or Toby have improved from being the emotional cripples they were when I was involved with them. I do know that Douglas has not changed. And it should have made my latest tale of him disturbing to us all. For this crystal meth-smoking, popper-fried brained, sexually racist emotionally cripple coward of life is now allowed to officiate weddings and even worst...give people counseling???!!! All because the predominately black church in St, Andrews' Church's basement, Rivers NY is a fucked up enough dysfunction-enabling group to ordain him a minister, Like I said of them before, they're quick to take money, but if they were really on the up-and-up, Douglas would not have been ordained without getting extensive counseling himself to which my latest tale of him would not have been allowed. For that reason, it's a scary thought how many lives might be put in such self-loathing hands. And putting people on notice of that is what I am doing with those memory flashes of anger.

Now, some of the more stereotypical snarky gays reading this are probably saying, "That's why you can't keep no man. 'Cuz when things go wrong, you're go talk about 'em. So nobody wants to be bothered with you."

Well, what should I do? Stay quiet and enable their ignorance. When putting them on blast might be the wake-up call to make them straighten up and fly right. Plus, I've said it before, that if he is confident enough with the goodness of his heart, he will take that chance.

Now, while it's an odd time to revert back to my porn career, but a good example lies there...

I had a heated email exchange once with Chris Steele of Jet Set Men about his lack of Black male porn actors. Chris Steele, referring to my calling out Tyson Cane on his numerous displays of social ineptitude tried to say that I would have probably talked about him like I did Tyson Cane. And my response to him was that if Tyson Cane didn't disrespect me and my scene partners, there would be nothing bad to say. And I told Chris Steele that I would have nothing bad to say about him if he had done me right. Proof that I'm a man of my word on that is my continued friendship with Ben Marksman,...the director of my last porno, "All Out Assault" - who hired me even after reading numerous disparaging blog posts of mine about various porn actors and directors. If he wasn't confident in his own goodness, that hiring would not have happened, and that friendship would not be still continuing.

My point is that the same goes for any guy involving themselves with me. If he is truly confident and not misled of his worthwhile ethics by someone (like family, friends, job, or church group), then he will stand by all of his actions, instead of running from them. So even if things still go south, we can part ways with me respecting him, as I have actually had some amicable parting of the ways with some guys.

But how can I respectfully part ways with someone who relies on modern technology to drag out their cowardice by texting instead of accepting my invitation to actually talk the way Danny, Toby, and Douglas did? Or how can you respectfully part ways with someone whose cowardice (drawn out for any length of time) reminds me of that of my father?

The answer is you can't respectfully part ways with them. Especially, when their behavior mimics that of a bad parent. Thereby making it all too understandable why one like myself is pushed to such extreme to vent as I have been over these guys. For even if you move on, as I have,...you will never forget.

Poppers?!...We Don't Need No Stinkin' Poppers!

When you bottom, do you want to be the best bottom,...or do you want to just be mediocre, or worse?

Well, if you're doing poppers, then you are definitely the latter. And I make no apologies for calling you as such.

The use of poppers has become an epidemic in the gay community. To the point that it is hard to find someone man enough to make the act of sex itself be the only high. And while porn was a failure in inspiring many other negatives in gay male sexual behavior, at one time, it was a place to look for a sign of hope. Well, I must inform you that this is now another thing to add to porn's failures. For now the use of poppers has been making its way into porn.

My 1st sight of this repulsion was seeing Tim Kruger allow poppers into a scene for his TimTales site. And most recently, I saw it in a Treasure Island Media scene I came across from "Fuck Holes 3" where the bottom Ryan Cummings was such a pathetic slave to poppers that he wore his bottle of poppers as a necklace. It's sad seeing the number of gay males who have lessened their manhood because they are following the lead of such weaklings. Which in turn makes them an even greater weakling. For the follower of a fool is a greater fool than the original.

Adding to my annoyance is my awareness of how popper-users are putting their sex partners lives in jeopardy. For since I was doing porn, porn actors are encouraged to take male enhancement pills, like Viagra and the like. And I'm sure those pills are being taken for play at sex parties. This makes way for the problem of how male enhancement pills and poppers are a combo that can lower your blood pressure to dangerous levels. So it's weak and selfish play on the part of the person using poppers, and irresponsible porn production for a porn producer/director to allow this. But from Treasure Island Media, this is not the first time I've seen such irresponsibility. So moving on...

This problem would not exist if more gay males were told how taking in dick successfully requires 3 simple things:

1. LUBE. Make your hole and his cock nice, wet, and slick;
2. REAL DESIRE to have that person inside you, and;
3. A DEEP BREATH during a top's entry. For the rectum is a suction tube, and breathing in deeply while your top is entering you helps to suck him into you. 

Well, due to the lack of seeing my tips practiced, and after purchasing and receiving dildos in a variety of sizes since I started my day job, I decided what better way to prove why I have a right to my annoyance than to show myself taking on some big dicks popper-free. Even better with dildos being those dicks because for many of us, a dildo is more difficult to take in than an actual penis. So if I can get through 3 increasingly large dildos without a single huff of poppers, then it proves that those of you who use poppers have no excuse.

So if you're using poppers, then you have fallen prey to a lie. The use of poppers is nothing more than a means to get high.

Sad compared to how my high during sex doesn't involve any manufactured harmful chemicals. Because for me, sex is the high. That high being the entire road building from mouth to mouth, then skin to skin, sweat to sweat, my dick to his ass, and/or his dick to my ass ----THOSE ARE THE THINGS that make my high during sex. And this post and video is to urge others to do the same.