Sunday, January 30, 2011

Sex Party Etiquette: Don't Rape Your Fellow Guests!

For some time, I had been volunteering at the sex party mentioned as Olympus, but now known as Edge. It had been quite awhile since I had any fun there because of a certain staffer was getting a bit militant trying to tell me how to do my simple job when the fact is that I was there doing it before he showed up. Between that and seeing how he behaved with other volunteers and guests, it got to the point one night that I contemplated never returning.

With Edge being actually a combination of parties (therefore more variety), I decided to give it another try. That staffer must have gotten a talking to of some kind, because I haven't had or seen any of his annoying ways since. So I was finally starting to come and have fun again.

One night there recently, I had more fun than I've had there in a long, long, long, long time. I was loving the variety of guys that I fooled around with. One was a guy that I later discovered was Brazilian. I was watching him for quite awhile fuck a few guys, and he was a pleasure to watch.

At one point, I saw him standing on the side, and we made eye contact. I walked over to him, and like many before him, my ass became his most desired part of me to grab. After making out for a bit, I made my way from kissing his chest, his stomach, tonguing his belly button, then down to suck his cock. The way his shaft muscles were contracting, I thought a couple of times that he was going to come in my mouth. So to avoid that, I got back on my feet and made out with him some more. I turned around to let his cock rub against my ass. Then eventually I took us over to the bed so we could fuck.

He put on a condom while I put on lube. He let out this loud pleasure moan as soon as he got inside me. That made a crowd form before he even started thrusting. He fucked me missionary, then doggy-style. While I was getting fucked doggy-style, I saw another bottom line up next to me. So now, there were 2 couples fucking side by side. The Brazilian stopped and pulled out. I thought that he was taking a break. Then my 6th sense felt a presence behind me. I figured it was the Brazilian coming back for more, but then my 6th sense picked up a strange vibe along with that presence. That strange vibe was then followed by the feeling of a thicker cock trying to enter my ass. I know I have a resilient hole that closes up so soon after pulling out that it makes a guy feel like he's been fucking Wolverine of the X-Men, but my 6th sense knew something was off.

My 6th sense knew that this was not the Brazilian.

I turn around a bit to discover that it was a muscular Black guy who had tried getting at me earlier in the night, but I wasn't interested.

My lack of interest I'm sure was born from a couple of things:
(1) As I've said here often, that image of dark-skinned muscular Black males with savage-like sexual aggression is an image shoved down our throats so much, that in my need for individuality, I've become indifferent to it. I'm not saying that it's impossible for such a Black male to have me. I've written of occurrences where it has. However, if I get the vibe that you're playing a role that's expected of you because of you having that physique, THEN I'm turned off. Which leads to;
(2) my remembering how this guy approached me earlier in the night. I saw him, but the vibe I got from him made me have no interest. And he proved me right by doing like the desperado trolls at a sex party who repeatedly touch on you after you've either politely move their hand or straight up said "No, thank you", but then escalates to you having to move away whenever they come by.

I didn't want him before, so he was hoping to take advantage of the fact that he sees me as a bottom with my back to him.

I am well-aware that at some sex parties, there are bottoms who stay on all-fours for almost the entire duration of the party offering themselves to be poked by whomever. But not every bottom is that low in their self-esteem. However, there are some tops who take the idea of a bottom being in what some may call a "submissive" position too far. For being a bottom does not mean that one's ass must submit to every hard dick wanting a hole to poke. For a bottom is still a human being. Therefore, that human being has THE RIGHT OF CHOICE.

The problem is hoping that a bottom would deny himself that right after a previous dismissal of your advances, even at a sex party, has you bordering on being a rapist.

So how did I respond to this situation? I looked back and saw that Black guy, got up, and stood against the wall. The Brazilian realized that I got up, and stopped fucking the other guy, and came over to me. He apologized, we kissed, made up, and I gave him another condom, and went back to us fucking.

Now, I don't fault the Brazilian totally, because he didn't know of my past run-ins with that Black guy that night. Although, I do feel that if you are going to do a switch, some sign should be realized beforehand of all tops involved being hungry for all bottoms involved, AS WELL AS all bottoms involved being hungry for all tops involved. I've taken those precautions in a switch where I was the top. And I don't think I'm understanding because I've spent so much time as a bottom. I think I'm understanding of the need to take that measure because even in my most sexually aggressive of moments, I still maintain the humanity it takes to look out for my bottom.

If you don't, you would have a situation where one or more parties are NOT happy as they should be at a sex party. A situation that's opposite the "changing of the guards" that took place in the 5-man orgy scene I did in "69 Fuck Street":

If you've seen this movie in its entirety, then you know that I got fucked by my 2nd top in this scene, Jake Corwin in the 1st scene of the movie, and was quite pleased with him then. Therefore, it's more than safe to assume that him having another go at me was no problem.

Keep that in mind the next time you are at a sex party or orgy and consider doing a switch.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Party Sex In Rainbows

When I uploaded the picture on your right to Twitpic, the caption I made for it said:

Maybe not this position, but a lot of my sex starts like this....light-complexioned hands on my ass. ;-)

Well last weekend at the Milk Chocolate NYC partythis was one night where a variety of colored hands were on my ass starting off the sex. I've written about some trysts there before, but this one being on the heels of my poetry reading, reminded me of one particular poem from that poetry reading. So much so that this was a story I had to tell.

Once there, I went to the upstairs party area. I saw this tall, slim, and young White guy bent over getting fucked by more built White guy of average height. I didn't know who I wanted to be more, the top or the bottom. The top didn't seem interested in me. He wasn't rude by doing something like throwing my hand off the very second I touch him like the most racist in faggotry do. Instead, he just didn't react, so I took the hint. The tall and slim bottom however, reached for my now hard cock, and after the other White guy fucked him, he went down on me. And he was good. In fact, I seem to have found a good number of guys who can give good head lately.

It turns out he was there with an older guy. The older guy knew I wanted to fuck his young friend, and he let me. I suited up, and pounded his ass. The more I felt his smooth soft cheeks, and looked down to see them bounce from my thrusts, the more I couldn't decide if I should fuck him to the point of cumming, regardless of the fact that I hadn't been at the party for even 30 minutes yet. I did know that if I did shoot a load this fuck-a-round, that my stamina was good enough to easily go for Round 2 as a bottom, or a top. But while I decided not to fuck to the point of shooting a load, the sight and feel of that beautiful ass and his moans did make me fuck him harder before calling it quits on him.

While I was fucking the young White guy, a dark-skinned Black guy about my height and build who was getting sucked off reached over and started rubbing on my chest. In that dim light, he obviously had a vibe that made an impression on me. Because after fucking the White guy, I washed myself off a bit. I then went back into the room, and the Black guy was standing against the wall while a group of guys were gathered on and around the bed. I saw the Black guy, considered him, but in my being draw to group sex, I went over to the bed instead. But even then, the Black guy was on my mind the entire time.

I saw the group around the bed, and for once found myself not wanting to be in the midst of the sexual clutter. So I went back to the Black guy, but by this time a White guy was fooling around with him. So I leaned up against the wall and watch. Obviously the Black guy still wanted me, because he brought me into the mix to where he was now sandwich between me and the White guy, with the White guy against the wall, and him facing me. While the White guys was touching us both and I was enjoying it, this time, again for once, I was getting the feeling that 3 hot guys together (even though into each other) was a crowd. I guess the White guy felt the same, because he slipped out from against the wall, and left us to ourselves. And I think we must have both wanted that, because that's when we really went at each other.

What was odd about this intense attraction for me was that fact that he was dark-skinned. It's not that I don't find dark-skinned guys attractive. But as I've said before, my artistic eye is drawn to the color contrast, so I usually go for guys lighter than myself. But I have repeatedly said that I would never rule out the possibility of being with a guy my complexion or darker. Well, this night put me to a test that I never saw coming.

He rubbed my chest, and I rubbed his. I worked my way down to his ass, and OH MY GOD!!!! It was so nice and juicy. Then he started to feel my ass in return. Usually in a make-out session, my ass gets grabbed first. So he turned the tables, and I was loving it. His dick was rock-hard, and I kept making out with him. But in all honesty, I wanted to fuck. My making out was really 2 things: (1)getting up the nerve to say that I wanted to fuck NOW, and (2)buying time to decide that once given the green-light, which position do I offer to be for him first, top or bottom.

I took a risk, and offered to be his bottom. This is a risk, because usually after being a bottom with a versatile guy who wants a flip-fuck, my knack for picking good tops makes me get fucked so good and hard that I'm in no mood (or sometimes no condition) to top afterwards. So for me to bottom then top, like I did in my video "Tre Xavier with Lucky Irish" is a rarity.

He asked if I had a condom, and I reached into my sock and got one, as well as my Wet lube - all of which I brought from home, because I don't care much for the Lifestyle lube that they have there. I lubed up his cock a bit bare, then again with the condom on. Then I put lube on my ass and prepare my mind for his nice-sized cock. I laid on my back to be fucked missionary so I could grab that ass while getting fucked. Because of my tight hole, it took him awhile to get in because he wasn't 100% hard. Once in, for whatever reason, he couldn't stay hard. I thought maybe being in missionary wasn't working for him, so I opted for doggy-style. He got hard, but still couldn't stay hard. But I still wanted in that ass, so I prepped my cock the same way I prepped his.

My dick was like a heat-seeking missile that night. Because like the White guy, he also had a nice tight hole that was followed by a tunnel warm to my cock. Between that warmth and the sight of his 2 dark chocolate-covered pear-shaped ass cheeks surrounding my dick, I couldn't help but bang the fuck out of him. This was another sweet hole that I had to pace myself with or else I was going to bust a but soon after entry. So I did him the same way I did the tall, slim White guy earlier - gave him some even harder bangs, then called it quits. He apologized for his hard-to-maintain hard-on, and I told him it wasn't a problem. Because there have been days when it has happened to me as well.

Next was a Latino, who was also close to my size and build. We first came in contact while I was making out with someone else who I can't recall because all we did was make out. When me and my make-out partner parted ways, I returned the favor from the Latino and started to suck on him. My mouth was quite shocked to have to open up so wide for this thick dick on this simply toned  and shorter frame. After showing how good my hole above the waist can be to his dick, he decided he wanted his cock to now fill my hole below my waist. So from my sock, another condom and more lube gone, he dressed up his dick, and let me have it. Missionary, doggy-style, and on my stomach - not once, but twice. Even as a versatile guy, who when I bottom is a self-proclaimed power-bottom, I have no idea how I took those 2 passionate poundings from him. And was considering taking more pounding from his big-cocked Latino friend.

Things with his friend didn't work out. After I wash off a bit, I came back to find another guy was sucking him off. He made eye contact with me to show that his plan was to fuck me after. However, after the guy stopped sucking on him, he went to the restroom. While he was in the restroom, after thinking he would be a no-show, a fuck-buddy that I had invited to the party finally showed up. My fuck-buddy started sucking me off. Then the other Latino came back and wound up occupied elsewhere. My fuck-buddy was making me hornier by the second. Especially after seeing an Asian guy come up behind him, and start fucking him while he was sucking me off. So after that, I wanted my turn at his hole.

My fuck-buddy is about a year older than me, and has an amazing body, which includes a hot dancer's butt. I fucked him doggy-style while he sucked off another guy on the bed. Neither of us came. The party was winding down, so we decided to leave. Once outside, my fuck-buddy invited me over to his place, and I accepted.

We got back to his place, and had some glasses of white wine, talked for a bit. Then he put on some music, and did what we always do - fucked like rabbits. This time, he was the top. He fucked me so good, then when he was about to come, I tightened my sphincter around his dick to squeeze out every last bit of his jizz.

The next morning, as with most guys I've slept with (be they a trick or a guy I'm dating), I was the first to wake up. Once he made a turn and saw me awake, he started playing with my cock. He made me get rock-hard, then straddled me as I laid on my back, and put my cock in his ass. We took turns between me thrusting hard into his hole, and him riding my cock. He was jerking off the entire time, and when he shot his load, he leaned back to let it shoot on his stomach. Afterwards, he got up to clean off, but not before I took some of his cum to use it as lube to jerk off.

While feeling his hot body, it didn't take long for me to shoot. And I shot my load all the way up to my chest. It had to be the tension I had built up from me having a night of living the dream sex I talk about in my poem "Sex In Rainbows". Because I walked into the sex party and right away I dipped my chocolate into the vanilla of a White guy, then went to the sweetest dark chocolate brown in a Black guy, then went to a boost from tasting the mocha brown coffee of a Latino. So this was a night where I lived the motto of a Skittles commercial and "tasted the rainbow". Although this rainbow was more like one you would find at Starbucks, it still had some sweet flavors that we all should not deny ourselves of feasting on.

Maybe then we'll be deserving of the equality so many of us keep demanding. For then, we'll be practicing what we preach.

Monday, January 24, 2011

@PINK 2.0 - The Silence That Spoke Volumes

Last Tuesday, I attended PINK 2.0 LGBT Media and Marketing - Past, Present & Future at the LGBT Center in NYC. Considering how I've mention the lack of diversity in LGBT media in past blog posts, I felt this event was the perfect opportunity for me to try and get some answers.

I came to find out that this discussion was being held in Room 310. That made for a table-turning moment, because on this night I was walking into the room as an audience member. However, just 11 days prior, ---- I was walking into Room 310 as the speaker on the stage, for that's the same room I did my poetry reading of "The Industry".

I knew my question, but I wasn't sure of how to word it. I finally figured out how on the subway train ride over. And even by the time the train got to my stop, I still wasn't finished writing it down. Therefore, it wasn't truly memorized. Once inside, I finished writing my question down. When the discussion became open for questions, I didn't want to be reading from a paper. But something told me that once I opened my mouth, the words would just flow. It turns out that I was right.

My question was:
With the demand for equality from the straight mainstream being infused into the many forms of LGBT media and marketing, do you find it to be false advertising considering how LGBT media and marketing doesn't practice equality itself by portraying beauty and intellect to come from only Whites and light-complexions within the community?

Since the question made a lightbulb go off for the moderator, NBC New York's weekend meteorologist, Raphael Miranda, I'm sure it went off for others in the room as well. And it is probably going off for some of you as you read this blog post. So considering the way-too-long neglected dissension within the LGBT community, I'm glad to have brought forth a long overdue question.

Now, as far as who answered it, There were FIVE (5) panelists.

The panelists were:

DAVID BLOCH - Focus Features, SVP Marketing
MICHELLE KRISTEL - Executive Director of In The Life Media, Producer of "In The Life"
AMY LESSER - Editor of Go Magazine: The Premiere Lesbian Magazine
QUINCY MORRIS - Creator of the new web series, "In Between Men"
JOSH ROSENZWEIG - Here Media, SVP Integrated Marketing

I must say that I was quite disappointed to see that of those 5 panelists...ONLY 1 answered.

That one was Quincy Morris, creator and executive producer of "In Between Men".

This did not sit well with me, and I will get back to explain why in a moment. But first, I will give you the short version of Qunicy's answer.

Quincy said that since the lead character was based on himself  that he was originally looking to cast a Black male as the lead character of "In Between Men". (Had I known about this role, I might have auditioned) Anyway, he either wasn't able to find many Black males who were comfortable with playing the intimacy involved for the role and/or those auditioned were missing something needed for the role. However, the actor who was reading with those who auditioned, Nick Matthews, did have what the role required. So it was a Catch 22 - casting someone totally based on race, even when the part is not necessarily race specific, OR cast someone who brings what is needed to the role. And understandably so, Quincy chose the latter.

Quincy and myself talked for a bit after the discussion, and while I thanked him for being the only one who answered my question, he in return commended me on asking a good question. During our conversation, we realized that we shared a lot of the same annoyances with portrayals of men of color (or lack thereof) in gay media.

This conversation led to me taking Quincy up on his invitation to go to the website, and email him there if I saw fit. Once there, I did send in a couple of follow-up questions. Which were:
How well-received has "In Between Men" been thus far? And if it has been well-received, do you think it would still be as well-received if your original stated intent to cast a Black male as your lead would have come to fruition?

Quincy replied back. It reads:
Hi LeNair!

It was a pleasure mtg you at the panel discussion this past week. Thanks for making it out.  I would love to answer a couple questions for you.  I am cc'ing my publicist in this email just so he is aware I am answering questions for a public media platform since this will be on your blog. No worries, it just so he is aware.

In Between Men (IBM) has been received extremely well. I initially just wanted to diversify the landscape by offering a true representation of many gay men that be found very easily in the media.  The show has resonated with many men who feel the same way I do.  People are grateful and excited that this show has reached consciousness, gay and straight alike.  The show is being watched in over 100 countries around the world, and I get emails on a daily basis from places like Iran, Serbia, Africa, and obviously the US thanking us for the show and how excited they are about it and how much they love it.  The audience continues to grow.

I am completely confident that the show would have been successful with a black male lead.  One of the things that people love about the show and what makes it different than any other show with a gay theme, is that it is so accessible and relatable.  I can only imagine that greater diversity would only allow it to be even more accessible and relatable. And ultimately the stories being told are ones that we all can relate to as gay men.  They are stories that in one way shape or form represent things that affect all of us and that the daily life these men live are not exclusive to African American men alone. I live by the philosophy that we have way more in common than differences in this world, no matter what our background.

Like Quincy, I do believe that we have more in common than we do have differences. It is the reason that during my time in studio-based porn that I've always challenged companies and websites to stop acting as if scenarios were race-specific. And with that, I also believe that Quincy is right about people accepting it regardless of the ethnicity of the lead character. I hope we are not wrong on either belief. However, if we are wrong on the latter, then that means that the American LGBT community has more growing up to do than any of us imagined.

This leads to my getting back to why Quincy being the only one to answer my question did not sit well with me.

It is because the panel was comprised of people from different forms of LGBT media and marketing. David Bloch works in film, Michelle Kristel works in public television and online media, Amy Lesser works in print, and Josh Rosenzweig works in cable television. Therefore, ALL OF THEM should have had something to add. Part of me feels that it was my mistake as an interviewer when I ended my question by saying how either one OR all of them could answer. Because it in some way gave them that chance to duck the question. However, anyone who was in attendance can tell you how they were quick to show off their egos over expertise in their individual mediums on other questions. So the fact that they were so quick to display the "Oh, it's a race question - let the Black guy handle it" mentality by allowing Quincy Morris to be the only one to respond to my question tells all of us about how many members of that panel live with an unevolved naiveté.

Well, they need to be informed of reality. For the reality is that...

....Segregation and racism are not "minority" issues. They are HUMAN issues.

If you ever wonder why there is such separatism within the LGBT community, and why the refusal to take part in gay rights functions is so prevalent amongst gays who are Black, Latino, Middle Eastern and Asians ----the answers lied in the silence of the other panelists. For that silence spoke volumes as to how we do not feel represented because WE ARE NOT REPRESENTED.

And if we are represented, it is marginally so.

Proof of this is just as simple as a stroll out into the hallway of the LGBT Center, and picking up most of the magazines out there, or going to a newsstand and picking up a gay news magazine. Or by turning on your television and watching the gay cable channel, Logo. Or going to a gay news website. Or seeing which gay films get most often described as "beautiful" and/or "smart". Each of these forms of gay media and marketing display the LGBT community as a community living in a mindset prior the Civil Rights Movement thinking that beauty and intellect come primarily from Whites and people of light-complexions.

Well, if that was really the case, then I wouldn't be able to be so eloquent in either case of asking my questions at PINK 2.0, or making this overall observation in this report. Now would I?

I have repeatedly said on this and other blogs, if we are to make demands from our oppressors, then we must be better than our oppressors.

Many minorities have all too often seen a White or light-complexioned gay activist or performer praised for something said to a media outlet or post on their blog, when the person of a darker complexion already addressed the same subject matter AND made those media outlets aware of it anywhere from a few months to more than a year prior to them praising that person who is White or light-complexioned. With behavior like that, how is LGBT media showing itself to be better than the oppressors in mainstream media? IT IS NOT.

At the close of the discussion, a hostess advised us to show our support for LGBT media by donating to, buying, and not bootlegging LGBT media. Really?! Why should I donate to television stations that televise shows like "In The Life"? Why should I not bootleg a movie by Focus Features or something on Here! network? Why should a lesbian not photocopy a friend's copy of GO Magazine? Why should I not when I feel that because of their color and/or ethnic background, some forms of LGBT media are giving my fellow members of the LGBT community such limited representation, if any at all?

I hope those panelists, and other members of LGBT media and entertainment get wind of this report, and give some real heavy thought of how they handle their affairs. And really consider what it means for the voice of the LGBT community if some substantial changes aren't made SOON...


for those who been in love how do you know when it hits you? i just want to see how many answers are the same and how many are different

I don't think I've ever been in love. But the closest that I feel that I came to it was with a guy I've mentioned in my blog named Danny.

I can however tell you why I felt that I was in love with him. It was because for me being so highly sexual, for the first time, I felt that no one else would do for me. The sound of his voice on the phone, to the rare occurrence of seeing him in person. And we never had sex. So that's something to think about.

And not to be the bearer of bad news, but it were those rare occurrence of seeing him in person due to a lack of effort on his part that made me realize that I wasn't in love after all, nor should I should be. Because it was obvious that he was not in love with me.

My blog may make me seem like an open book....but maybe I'm not, so ask away ;-)

Friday, January 21, 2011

In Lust With....Kazaky

When I first started to learn of the Ukrainian boyband, Kazaky, it was by seeing various posts on Facebook of their video, "In The Middle". Seeing the same still that you are seeing below, I was wondering why am I seeing this everywhere. It looks like a silhouette of 4 girls. Wondering if this was another case of so many gays being naive enough to go crazy over straight women who exploit gay dollars , then remembering how one posting didn't just say their name, but also mentioned that they were a boyband, then realizing that it would only take about 2 1/2 minutes of my time to investigate, I decided to give it a try.

After those 2 1/2 minutes, I became another guy who wanted more.

Now, I have never made it a secret of how much I lust for dancers. Nor have I made it a secret of how much I lust for guys from across the Atlantic (by now you should be remembering the Swedes). Nor have I made it a secret of how I lust for hot guys who are wet. Well, as you can see, these guys encompass all 3 of those lust motivators of mine.

At this point, I can see myself in one of 2 fantasies scenarios resulting from being thrown me in the middle of these guys. Put us all in a room together with only a bed, condoms, lube, and water. Then:
1) let the dicks fall into whoever's hole above or below the waist is willing to take it in for a hot group sex session, OR my even more preferred scenario;
2) In my past tryst with dancers, I have had brief moments as a top with some of them. And that pose of that leg in the air does give me some ideas to take advantage of that flexibility. So how in this fantasy tryst would my being a top take place?
Lining those beautiful dancer butts up to poke them doggy-styles for a few minutes each would be my foreplay. Afterwards I would be a bottom for all 4 of them after arranging them in order of least thick cock to thickest cock. And wait, there's more. This wouldn't be the usual gangbang you see in a porn video, where a tops pounds the bottom for a couple of minutes then the next guy gets his turn. In this gangbang each guy gets to fuck me as long as they can until the tops shoot his load. THEN the next guy gets his turn. So if that means getting fucked by one guy for a 15 minutes, then the next guy for a hour, then the next for 30 minutes, then the thickest dicked guy for another hour ----so be it. Because remember, I may be versatile, but when I bottom,...I'm a power bottom.

Also this gangbang would have me in a variety of positions. Mainly missionary to see those tight abs as they do their rhythmic thrust into me that they're obviously capable of and to grab those dancer asses. And also reverse cowboy. Because in addition to being an ass-man, I'm also a leg-man. And I would love to watch and massage those shapely dancer legs while riding their cocks. After all, they would deserve a massage after the thrusts those legs muscles could push into me when doing me missionary. So no matter what, with these 4 guys, I would be in for a loooooong night. And the previously mentioned water in the room, would be to replenish ourselves from the intense "workout".

I know some may take issue with these guys wearing stilettos. 

I personally don't care. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that heels or no-heels, I can still see some hot-bodied males to have a romp with. And that lust makes me yearn to see what they're going to come up with next.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Why You're Single: You're Hot! So Is Your Enemy!

It is an INCREDIBLY DUMB MOVE for a guy to tell you that you're hot, then when he sees a known enemy of yours, HE MAKES IT NO SECRET that he finds YOUR ENEMY to be hot as well. Sure, he may think it, but don't be dumb enough to say it aloud. AGREE or DISAGREE?
Answer here

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Diesel-Powered Cowardice: Reading THE INDUSTRY, Part 2

During a recent Twitter exchange with Diesel Washington, I invited him to my poetry reading. He tweeted that he probably would come so he can "put me in my place".

In response to such arrogance, I tweeted back 2 words,---- "BRING IT!!!!"

That night, while I was reading, I saw someone walking hunched over down the stairs of the room looking like Quasimodo from "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". I was focused on my work at the moment, and even though I'm great at multi-tasking, I didn't focus on who exactly this person was. Then once done reading, I looked out at the crowd for the Q & A sessions I promised in between each poem. By that time, this person was facing forward, and I realized it was him...Diesel Washington.

He took so long to show up that I thought he wasn't going to. It turns out, my friends and some other guests informed me that he was there for quite awhile before coming in. He was pacing outside the hallway of the room, and peeking in occasionally. Like I said, I was focused on my presentation and my audience, so if you weren't in the room, you didn't exist for me. Although, since we are talking about Diesel Washington whose wannabe-larger-than-life attitude has made him the scourge of any worthwhile person's social circle, even when he was in the room, he didn't exist. And I think that he was well aware of me having that sentiment about him.

I did have a brief moment wondering if he was going to say anything. I was hoping to think that maybe, just maybe, his silence was because he was getting the point I was making with my poetry, that the issues that HE CREATED between me and him had nothing to do with this reading, and maybe he would have something good to add to what I said in my poetry. Especially in my piece about racism, "Sex In Rainbows".

However, since Diesel's reputation proceeds him, I knew to hope for the best, but expect the worst.

And I'm sad to report, that the worst is what he gave.

Time was running out, and that was when he decided to make his move. He went on this whole rambling about how I point fingers at porn actors talking about how he perpetuates the "Mandingo" image, and all he's trying to do is make a little change, and why do I feel the need to tear him down. And saying that he wanted to ask me this now that he has me there.

Diesel's 1st delusion of grandeur: Diesel didn't have me anywhere. This was MY event, that I invited him to, therefore could have easily had him removed from if I so chose to.

As I was responding to remind him that I have always placed the blame on studio-heads and head of gay media, he attempted to talk over me. At this point, I was getting pissed, because he was obviously trying to make my moment his.

So I stopped him by saying, "Excuse me! Are you going to be in love with the sound of your own voice, or are you going to let me answer your question?!"

At this point, the sound of someone in the audience saying, "Ooo!", made it obvious that a line was crossed by him trying to take over the speaker's time on the floor, and it wasn't being tolerated. This also was a moment of truth for Diesel.

Diesel's 2nd delusion of grandeur: My talking back to him made it clear to him that he was not dealing with one of those dimwitted White boys with their "White guilt" that are dumb and self-loathing enough to have sex with him on or off camera who prove this by playing into reverse slavery, and bowing to his every whim, most likely because they are intimidated by his size. The fact here is I am a Black man from Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, so none of those issues that hinders those dumb White boys hinders me from putting one in their place when one tries to disrespect me on my time in my domain of the moment. This leads to...

Diesel's 3rd delusion of grandeur: My talking back to him also made it clear to him (and the audience) that the mouth you get an impression of by reading my blog is THE REAL ME. It's not so forceful just because I'm sitting in the safe confines of typing on a keyboard out of sight from my enemies. That moment made it clear what I've always said,..."If I say it on my blog, I will say it to your face." Many bloggers who have a reputation of trying to call people out can't say the same.

My calling him out on his interrupting me angered him. And from that point on, I stopped being pissed about him attempting to make my moment his. Because then the sadistic son of a bitch who gets his jollies by pissing you off for disrespecting me, my friends, my guests and/or my space had now been forced to surface in me. Hence, why I had a smirk on my face during his rants. For as my friend, Rich noticed, I was ROYALLY HYPED, while everyone in the audience could see that Diesel Washington was now ROYALLY PISSED.

Another bone of contention between us that was addressed that night was Diesel trying to bait barebacking pornstar, Chase Coxxx into disclosing his HIV status to the public. He tried to play this infantile "Gotcha" game by letting me know that he saw my comment to my post for MOC Blog, "Solved Enigmas From The Stigmas", which included a link to Twitpic showing this screenshot of tweets from Diesel to Chase Coxxx (JuicyGigolo on Twitter).
I found this to be a new low, even for Diesel. Yet Diesel actually tried defending this behavior by claiming how Chase Coxxx "goes on Twitter promoting his bareback porn movies, talking about breeding White boys, and on World AIDS Day, making a YouTube video showing him getting an HIV test, but won't disclose his status."

I don't think I need to point out the oafish stupidity with Diesel's rant, but I'll make it clear anyway.

1)Chase Coxxx can promote his bareback movies on Twitter just the same as the White porn actors and studio-heads that Diesel kisses the ass of use Twitter to promote their movies;
2)Many people (be they a celebrity or not, or in porn or not) write tweets about their sexual exploits, be those exploits safe or not;
3)Chase Coxxx may do bareback porn, but his statement about HIV to the public is the same as mine...KNOW YOUR STATUS! I further reiterated the same point that I made in that comment to my MOC Blog post of how even a public sex figure is by no means obligated to disclose his status to the public, and adding, "That is between Chase and who he's fuckin', just like it's between me and who I'm fuckin', and just like it's between you and who you're fuckin'! It is NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS!"

So what makes Chase Coxxx such a target?
It's because Chase isn't one of those White guys that Diesel is kissing the ass of. Therefore, like I won't kiss Diesel's ass, Chase Coxxx is a scapegoat target for the aggression that Diesel won't direct at the same porn actors, studio-heads, and so-called journalists whose asses he repeatedly kisses.

Now, the fact that Diesel launched this rant against Chase Coxxx at all at my reading shows that he's so much thinking that it's all about him, that he never read my post on MOC Blog enough to understand that he's exhibiting the very same false sense of sexual superiority that made me kick myself in gear to make me write the post 2 months after getting the green-light from Victor Hoff.

Diesel's 4th delusion of grandeur: Diesel's low self-esteem has become notorious for overcompensating by acting as if he has "saved the day" of gay porn. A perfect example of this was how during his rant about Chase Coxxx, he tried to act as if he answered an audience member's question regarding HIV/STD testing, and I didn't. THE FACTS ---- I answered that audience member the moment the question was asked. Telling him that it varies. For some condom companies test and some don't, and some barebacking companies test, and some don't. And in the case where they don't, one takes the actor's word for it. So no matter what, the actor is still taking a risk.

Diesel's FINAL delusion of grandeur for the evening: When the moderator allowed ONE MORE comment, that was when Diesel went on his rant about Chase Coxxx. Diesel tried to run out of the room acting as if his comment was closing my event. Well, the night was not going to end and my guests were not going to leave until I said the last word. Why? Because this was MY event, therefore MY moderator doing his job properly was not going to let it be done any other way.

At first, in writing this post, I was going to refer to Diesel by his real first name because I thought there was nothing "diesel-powered" about Diesel Washington. But then I realized that contrary to Diesel's claims, since I have always placed blame on the heads of studios and gay media for shoving the "Mandingo" image down our throats that Diesel plays, that there is something diesel-powered about Diesel Washington after all...

...It's his cowardice, and ass-kissing power.

I say this because while I'm not painting myself to be some kind of savior, but if I have always been brave enough to blame the head of studios for putting out that "Mandingo" image as the only sexual beauty in Black males, and getting myself blacklisted in the process, then why can't Diesel? It's because he's too much of a coward to face being blacklisted like I have been by "mainstream" studios. AND unlike me, he's become so addicted to the porn-stardom that he refuses to consider going beyond porn with himself. So instead, he'd rather kiss the narrow-minded asses of White studio-heads, continue playing the "Mandingo" part, and point a finger at me, as if I'm powerful enough to ruin his porn image and career. If his porn image is ruined, it's because the studios have used him up, and the behavior like he exhibited at my poetry reading. So he needs to man-up and point the finger at them and himself. 

I must say that if by some chance, he's tired of playing that "big, Black brute", then Diesel needs to stop playing a man and actually be one, by saying, "NO!". And if they don't comply, then walk away. When I couldn't get hired because of the stupidity of White porn companies, after nearly lowering myself to going back to thug-porn, I decided that unless studios were willing to undo some of the things that inspired my writing "The Industry", then I was done with studio-based porn. Because I have so much more to offer as an entertainer, and I've branded my name enough that I can now segue into mainstream. It may be slow, but I can now get there. Diesel needs to do the same. For I'm living proof that, as much as you may like the attention, leaving porn is not the end of the world.

In closing, I have been informed that Diesel has wrote a blog post attempting to discredit me. I have also been informed that he was taking video at my poetry reading for this futile attack. All of that is irrelevant to me. For it is just a 6' 6" heap of shit writing shit. Especially when you consider what has resulted from that night for me was:
1) a high that felt like sex so great that I needed 2 days to basked in the after-glow before returning to my normal routine, but even then and now, a smile is still on my face, and;
2) an email the following morning complimenting me on how I presented myself, an invite to a book fair with the possibility of being published, and an invitation to model for some drawing classes----ALL IN THE SAME EMAIL.

So why doesn't Diesel put that energy into making himself a more worthwhile existence of a human being where good things can happen for him? Instead, he spends all that time trying to create things to discredit me out of envy of the fact that I have moved on, which thereby makes him help inspire a negative stanza in my poetry.

Something he should consider. But when you're as miserable as Diesel Washington, you're always looking for company. So while this "conflict" ends here for me, I'm sure it doesn't for him.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Preface to Diesel-Powered Cowardice

I was hoping that Diesel Washington showing up to my poetry reading would have opened his eyes to a few things. But it was quite obvious that he is so full of self-loathing masked as anger towards me, Chase Coxxx, other Black performers and bloggers and racially-sensitive non-Blacks.

Pathetically, anyone in the psychiatric field can tell you that the anger he displays is born from anger towards himself for kissing the asses of the very people he should be calling out - directors, porn actors, and gay porn news bloggers who make as if White or light-complexion is the only beauty worth acknowledging in males. And even though he was there at my reading to hear my poems for the most part, it is a shame that he'd rather live suffering from the ABMS (Angry Black Man Syndrome) that he accuses me of having, instead of acknowledging how on the mark I am in each and every poem I presented. I mean, why don't he confront those same White porn actors and industry people that he cuddles up to whose stories can easily be told in each of these poems in "The Industry":

Traded Love (0:19): Oops! Can't do that! Because most people whose story can be told in this poem are either dead, in rehab, or strung out on drugs and/or alcohol. Therefore, they never made it pass the 3rd stanza.
Exhibitionist vs. Whore (3:25): Why don't he ask some of his past scene partners about how they only let themselves be fucked by him only because of the money, and how off the set, they're disgusted by him, because as Pierre Fitch said in my presence, "I like my White men. Their skin feels better"? Oops! Can't do that either. Because by living with the mindset of a whore, they live by the idea of "fuck-n-go". Now doesn't that make one feel soooo desirable?
Erection's Confession (6:56): So busy whoring that he buddies up to the likes of Jeremy Bilding and Wolf Hudson that he concerns himself with crusading against Blacks doing bareback porn, but he won't crusade against gay-for-pay when many gay males coming to terms with their sexuality use porn as a means to see males comfortable with their sexuality, because being gay is so much more taboo than condom use that a young gay male knows to put a condom on, even before he's sure of his orientation. However, he just might need porn to guide him to be whatever degree of gay he is. But crusading against gay-for-pay puts too many of his meal-tickets at risk. Is Dean Coxx and Robert Van Damme who inspired the 3rd stanza of that poem also on that list of buddies?
 And why don't he ask how wrong I am about this poem by paying a visit to Marcus Allen, Nickolay Petrov, and Addison. All of whom inspired the 4th stanza...That is if you want to go on a ride to whatever prison is housing them.
Sex In Rainbows (11:32): The biggest disappointment was to not hear him support me on this. For I'm sure there are names of White porn actors who wanted to work with him, but because of a studio's racism, the White porn actor wasn't allow the opportunity. But instead of calling out a studio on their racism, and risk a meal ticket because he has allowed himself to have nothing else but this life as a sex worker, he tries to make my night all about him, and not addressing this issue at all.
The HIVE (14:59): As I said before, Diesel is quick to crusade against Blacks in barebacking porn or bloggers who advertise it, but after I read this poem, he said absolutely nothing about my mentioning how some of the porn actors in Chi Chi LaRue's PSA yelling "Shut your hole!" may be promoting condom use, but have profiles on hook-up sites catering to barebacking. Maybe  it would bring his own hypocrisy to light because I can easily respond about him getting chummy with incestuous barebacking Peter Twins from Bel Ami in not 1, but 2 videos.

If he's going to crusade against barebacking, he should crusade against EVERYONE who does it.

It is all of these lack of reactions to these matters before these poems came to be that has led Diesel Washington to be considered a sell-out by many porn consumers and other actors who are either Black or racially-sensitive non-Blacks.

Now, with the ground work laid out. What exactly did he say at my poetry reading to cause such misled venom from him that I refuse to read on his blog?

You can easily find out HERE.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Tré's Swan Song: Reading THE INDUSTRY

Last Friday, I finally presented to the public my poetry series, "The Industry" at the LGBT Center. With some friends stopping by to show their support, meeting some online friends face-to-face for the first time, and considering the snowfall earlier in the day, I was pleased by the turnout. Especially since that night was (as said in the press release) the swan song of my "Tré Xavier" persona.

I was totally ready, willing, and able to bid the "Tré Xavier" persona "farewell". However, there were a few things I was not prepared for. Such as the fact that by exposing some of what's wrong in the porn industry, which could be considered a "fantasy machine", while I knew it would bring forth a lot of questions because of that, I didn't realize it would bring forth such in-depth discussions amongst the audience that we would go over the amount of time I had planned for the Q & A in between each poem. And that's not a bad thing. It showed me that even in poetry form, it is still my writing, and I pride myself on doing writing that inspires people to think, look beyond the surface, and don't accept so many things "just because". Hence the logo in the banner for this blog.

I also wasn't prepared for the fact that in order to properly answer the audience's questions that I would segue into other poems in the series before even reading them. This was a shock to me, because while the reason the character in most of the poems leave the porn industry for a reasons that I left, I had no intention of connecting their stories where if the characters were to meet, they could say to each other, "Yeah, it's kind of like when 'this thing' happened to me". So evidently, I subconsciously connected their stories.

One audience member emailed me to compliment me on the way I handled myself. Especially since he found some of the questions in his words, "unfair or even rude" for (also in his words) "a writer or poet never has to explain, justify, or rationalize their creative efforts".  And I must say that I agree for the most part with that as one of the comments from an audience member annoyed me IMMENSELY. And for that comment that I addressed politely at the reading, I will now address with some harsh truth that this blog is known for giving.

The comment from an audience member claimed that I was being too harsh on my "fellow actors" for doing scenes when they're not attracted to their scene partners. First of all, the same way I don't call a Black thug "my brother" just because he's Black, I don't call porn actors (be they gay, straight, bi, or gay-for-pay) who do it without being attracted to their scene partners, "fellow porn actors". Those are "whores" - escorts who lower themselves to being called "whores" by putting it on display. And I say this as someone admitting to my own whoring moments by appearing in "Love Of The Dick 4" and "The Booth". This audience member basically said that porn movies are to entertain and create a fantasy, and tried to compare someone having sex on camera with someone playing a psycho in a movie. What is "psycho" is comparing the two. And I can say this because I was also a mainstream actor before I got into porn. For with playing a psycho there are the actor's movements to simulate killing someone, and makeup and special effects artist to make it appear real. However while a porn movie is about creating a fantasy, you're dealing with such an intimate act of the human body, that it should be role-playing with people genuinely attracted to each other. Finding porn entertaining from watching people who aren't into each other makes one the very same inhumane voyeur that I speak of in my poem, "Exhibitionist vs. Whore". So while another audience member mentioned people losing the "spirituality in sex", it is that lost of spirituality in sex that made that audience member think I was being so harsh on whores. For my not losing that spirituality is why I can't fuck to the point of cumming someone that I'm not attracted to. I need that connection, and I have little to no trust in someone who can repeatedly have sex void of that connection. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. For it explains why escorts, especially those who are gay tops or straight males lead such lonely lives with their only friends being either other escorts, people who bought the illusion of friendship, and/or people saying behind their backs how sorry they feel for them leading that life.

Now, with that said, there were some questions that I felt deserved highlighting and/or further explanation.

One question asked that I wanted to highlight was asking if there was a union for porn actors. Some in the audience laughed, but I found it to be a good question. And to others who might be wondering, the answer is NO. I wanted to highlight this question to recall the reason why I stated at the reading as to while it is a good idea, with this mentality governing most porn actors these days, it will never happen. It's because the industry is presently polluted with escorts, instead of clean with exhibitionist. And yes, I said polluted. Escorts are pollutants of the porn industry not only because of the reasons I state in "Exhibitionist vs. Whore", but because escorts have an "every man for himself" mentality. This mentality not only makes the term "man" be used loosely, but it would also therefore cause a union for porn actors to fall part very easily if one was formed today.

Another question I wanted to highlight was the one that asked what the lure to the industry was if there's so much wrong with it like no union and lack of residuals. On that question, I could just answer for myself by saying that I thought the porn industry would widen my XTube audience, and help me show those who were in limbo about their orientation like I once was, someone who displayed his degree of being gay with no shame. As far as XTube goes, my audience has actually grown at a faster rate since my retirement from the industry than it did while in it. Others in the industry however are probably in the industry to seek validation, because they've failed at just about everything else. And since sex is an act that you have to be the one experiencing it in order to rightfully judge its quality, from a voyeur's point of view, it's easy to look good at it,...even when you're not.

One point that I didn't get into too much was about being "on the down low". Because as I was watching the time along with my moderator noticing that I wasn't done reading all of my poems yet, and it was nearing 9:30, so I just quickly said that "living on the d.l." was about everyone not knowing what you're doing. That is actually being "in the closet", which I have no problem with as long as you are not a gay-basher, or condemning homosexuality while in a position of power. I do however agree with my friend, Matt who made the comment about  how being "on the down low" is a cop-out. That is if you are living by the true definition of "living on the down low". For the true definition of "living on the d.l." is that your gay sexual encounters are also secret from your girlfriend, fiancée, or wife. And that is WRONG, AND NOT OPEN FOR DEBATE. Even though it did cause a heated moment between Matt and the other audience member who mentioned life "on the down low".

Another heated moment came about between Diesel Washington and myself as he tried to make my moment his. Actually, he was the one heated. I was the one hyped, and I took a sadistic pleasure from his getting heated. But I will get into those details in Part 2.

So in the meantime, here are the poems of "The Industry". I know the video is blurry and the sound quality isn't the best, but with my nerves about this being my first poetry reading, my usual technological know-how was blocked. I hope my video editing afterwards and most importantly, the poetry itself  - make you well-compensated for your time thus far.

A heartfelt THANKS to MACT/NY, the LGBT Center, and all of the audience members who came out to show an appreciation for what I have done, love to do, and plan on continuing to do.

Be sure to come back for Part 2. :-)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

RUD: What She Had In Mind

The podcast of my presentation at "Red Umbrella Diaries: Family Affairs" entitled "What She Had In Mind" is now online.

I must admit that I was disappointed by the personal friends who promised to be there, but weren't for my appearance at "Red Umbrella Diaries: Family Affairs". However, knowing how every cloud has a silver lining, or looking at the glass as half-full instead of half-empty, I realized that in some way, those friends did me some degree of a favor by not showing up. They proved to me the quality of my writing. Because I know that the laughs and applause coming from the crowd were not a bunch of my friends simply humoring me. The laughs and applause were from a room full of people - strangers actually. Strangers truly appreciating my talent as a writer. Now, I hope my friends don't repeatedly put me in this kind of scenario. But because of what I got from it this time, with them, all is forgiven.

And I do give credit to those who didn't this past Friday when I presented "The Industry".

You can now hear my presentation by listening to it in your browser or downloading it from iTunes.
I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed presenting.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Goodbye Tré....Hello LeNair!!!!

After my poetry reading at the LGBT Center this past Friday, I've officially retired the name, "Tré Xavier".

The Industry

If you missed that night, the main thing you missed was that event being the swan song of "Tré Xavier". But you also missed Diesel Washington stopping by...showing behavior that makes it clear why: (1)he's whining about no mainstream studios wanting him AND (2)he's one of the main people this 4th stanza of my first poem from that evening, "Traded Love" was written with him in mind:

But more on that when I do my overall report of the evening later.

For now however, while I bask in the after-glow of that swan song, this blog's name had to change as well.
So with the official birth of LeNair Xavier, this blog will now be known as

But you need not worry.
I will still be intuitive, I will still be insightful, I will still be blunt, and I will still be sexual.

So with ALL of my heart, I THANK YOU ALL
for continuing this journey with me.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

For MOC Blog: Solved Enigmas From The Stigmas

Almost 2 months ago, I asked Victor Hoff if I could write another piece for MOC Blog. He said, "Yes".

At the time, it was blog posts by other bloggers (including TheBlackoutBlog Man) mentioning something that inspired me to tell this erotic tale from my early years after becoming sexually active. A tale that I believe has me starting off the new year right. For besides my poetry reading this Friday, I feel it is my greatest combination of eroticism and thought-provocation EVER.

Please check this out:

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Come See Me...Read THE INDUSTRY + Q & A

This Friday is the BIG day.

You've seen the YouTube video at the top of this page.
You've read the press release.
Now experience poetry the guilty in the porn industry don't want you to hear,
and make that guilt more obvious if they stay away.


I look forward to seeing you there.

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