Sunday, July 31, 2011

LeNair Xavier - New York Undercover Extra

I have often said here that before I got into gay porn that I was trying my hand at mainstream entertainment. Part of that attempt was me appearing as an extra in TV shows, movies, and videos.

One of those TV shows was the 90's Fox TV show "New York Undercover". My fate at realizing my degree of gay was probably written all over that extra gig. You see, I had worked as an extra on "New York Undercover" about 5 -9 times before finally getting a close-up in the episode "Blonds Have More Fun", an episode in which the show's heroes go undercover as drag queens in order to solve the murder of a drag queen. Now, I've never done drag, but the drag scene is more of a part of gay society. So I'm sure now you can see how even though I didn't face my orientation until 2002, Fate was trying to tell me something about myself even all the way back in 1994, which is when this episode was filmed and aired.

I can recall one funny moment of that day. Like on most sets, the actors have to wait around for the crew to get everything and everyone properly placed before shooting can begin. On that day, the set was (to no surprise because of the storyline) FULL of drag queens. During the wait however, most of those drag queens showed themselves to be on, but maintaining a degree of decorum where they weren't too loud to be considered obnoxious. That all changed when we all heard this one flamboyant sounding  male voice come in saying, "Heyyyyyy! How y'all doin'! Heyyyy!"

I looked around thinking, "Who in the hell is this loud ass drag queen?!"

Once I saw the face, I found myself on the verge of balling over laughing. Because it wasn't a drag queen necessarily. It was one of the stars of the show, Malik Yoba in drag along with his co-star Michael De Lorenzo also in drag.
And from the looks of Malik in drag, you can see why I was ready to howl with laughter. Although, I'm actually surprised once I saw him, that I didn't scream in horror.

The moral of this story is that sometimes when you're in some form of limbo, and unsure of where we're going, you may find yourself being what you think at the moment is just you as "a face in the crowd". But later on down the line, you'll be able to look back on that "face in the crowd" moment and say, "Well I'll be damned. Fate knew."

Friday, July 29, 2011

Why We Bare The Risk

I used to write for Pitbull Productions' ThugPornBlog, and I recently decided to take some of my blog post from there and copy and paste them here with very little grammatical changes and practically none to the wording, even if my viewpoint and/or lifestyle has changed somewhat. I kept it that way because I still feel for the most part, I was on point with what I said then, and it is still relevant now. 

That's why I'm re-posting my ThugPornBlog piece about barebacking here.
Please take heed of the lesson. 

Why do some of us bareback when we know the risk, but don't want the consequences? 

Looking back on my days of taking that risk, I can give you an idea of what many are looking for, even if they themselves don't realize it. 

Me and a friend of mine who is a psychoanalyst, got into a bit of a debate about this. He said that people bareback because of "The Pleasure Principle" - pleasure at any cost. I believe it goes deeper than just ordinary pleasure. When I would take the risk of barebacking, I was searching for pleasure, but a very specific kind of pleasure. The pleasure of intimacy. 

I stated before that when ever you have sex with someone you always have a moment where you get in touch with all of them. All of their heart, mind, body, and soul. Whether for a fraction of a second or throughout the entire sex session, you and that other person have a moment where you are completely joined. And that moment is what we are searching for when we have sex. Be the sex in a relationship or numerous 1 night stands. And how much more physically intimate with the body can you get than to bareback. It's totally flesh to flesh, and fluid to fluid. Now, although many realize that connection should be reserved for a life-partner, some of us feel a desperation for the pleasure of that extremely intimate connection and take the risk. 

But before you take that risk again, you need to ask yourself:

Is the fear you go through when you walk into a doctor's office or free clinic to get a HIV/STD test worth it? 
Is the possibility of hearing the words, "You tested positive for ______" worth that risk? 
Is having to tell your friends and family, and most importantly, your significant other worth that risk? 

I hope your answers are NO! NO! and NO! 

And I am well aware that you are not going to ask yourself those questions when you are in the heat of the moment. That's why you should keep repeating them to yourself now, so that when the moment arises those questions are so embedded in your brain that your asking and answer those questions, and the actions that result from those answers are all subconscious, but safe. 

This is what I do now, and I hope you are doing the same, and if not, I hope you start to. Stay well.

Originally posted on ThugPornBlog on December 4, 2007

Sunday, July 24, 2011

CHALLENGER: Give Me Straight and Lesbian Love

My CHALLENGER poetry series was created to challenge the LGBT community to undo the separatist attitudes that plague us and make us unfit to demand any kind of equal rights from the powers-that-be. Such an example of my conviction to this series is how I have NOT been one of the NY gays jumping on the bandwagon applauding NY State giving us the right to marry. It is because in my way of doing things, I work on what's wrong on the inside first before working on the outside in order to make an honest and superior presentation to the powers-that-be.

And because I see the LGBT community as a whole is perpetrating a fraud, no matter what rights today's activists may bring to my lap, I will still not be happy. For being as separatist as we are within our community, and doing nothing about it, we as a whole are not fixing what's wrong on the inside first. Be it size-queens amongst gay males, racism, and now as I present to you, sexism - I, by writing this poetry series with no LGBT media source that I have appealed to with it backing me up, am standing alone in trying to fix these problems.

But for things to get better, with us wearing honest needs to be WE.

Give Me Straight and Lesbian Love
I woke up to a good look
At the friends that make up my world
It’s so full of boys with toys
And practically no girls
I have some straight girlfriends
That’s common for a gay man
But I’m wanting more lesbians
To fill my heart’s demand
We have so much in common
With our desires and fight for rights
So why do we make it our business
To stay out of each other’s sights

Fellow gay males, you piss me off
When you want to see her banned
Showing yourselves to be simpletons
All because she is not a man
Scoffs for her just walking in the door
Your actions done to break her heart
Like the straights did exiling you
So it’s an action you shouldn’t start
You should bring down your turned up noses
Be better than our oppressors
For if we’re to make demands of them
We have to show that we are better

I love a night with the boys
She loves a night with the girls
But must our entire lives
Look like single-gender worlds
We may not have the orientation
That is needed to create life
But since it does take each other’s gender
Respect what made your living light

I don’t want to see 3 worlds
1 straight and 2 gay worlds
Let’s live in one world
Filled with boys and girls
Can we have fun together?
And not bond only in stormy weather
Call me “crazy” to want to dare and think
Being just a war buddy is not enough
Give me straight and lesbian love

© 2011 LeNair Xavier

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Write That Down #36

I have often been asked what is the longest relationship I've ever had. When I tell people that I've never been involved with anyone long enough to really have a long term relationship, most show themselves to be moronic enough to be in shock. They don't seem to realize the fact that the reason it never went long enough to become a relationship for me is because while I know we all have flaws (myself included), there are some flaws that you can't live with in someone. And instead of holding on just so I can say "I got someone" when that someone is actually worthless, I got out when I saw the signs that the person's flaws were flaws that I couldn't deal with. Before getting to the point of months or years together, then ending up in battles over 
possessions and properties.

So what is moronic about their shock is what has inspired my latest "Write That Down" quote, which reads:

It really disappoints me when most people are shocked that I've never had a long-term relationship. What's disappointing is that most of the people shocked have had NUMEROUS relationships. And that practically ALWAYS means that they stayed in all of those "relationships" long after the signs appeared that they should have walked away from the person. All for the sake of saying, "I'm in a relationship".

You see, I love myself too much to commit frauds. 
Especially to myself.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Getting Out The Kinks: Step To Me - WET!

Originally posted on ThugPornBlog, July 28, 2007

I know I've mentioned it before. My love of the sight of wet hot guys. I love it to the point that I'm writing this blog entry with a hard-on because of all the images flashing through my mind to inspire all I'm about to say. 

I don't know what started this kink of mine, or how many people share it. Maybe it's because although I'm an Aries (which is a fire sign), my rising sign is Pisces, a water sign. Most Pisces and others I know who are water signs, have expressed interest in sexual and romantic scenarios involving water, which is what brings me to that conclusion about water signs being a factor.

It doesn't matter how he got wet. A guy being drenched in the rain is about the only time my kink for wetness gets turned on by a man being fully-clothed. His shirt clinging to his body showing definition of his body that would be a mystery to you on a sunny day. The day I started writing this was such a day in New York City where I saw so many cute guys with their dress shirts & T-shirts clinging to them. Therefore, it's not hard to believe that my 10-minute walk from the WTC PATH Station to my day job had me searching for a comfort-zone because I had a hard-on for most of the walk.

A guy taking a shower is a sexy scene. Occasionally, I can get turned on by a wet T-shirt here. BUT don't wear anything below the waist, and that includes underwear. I've taken showers with guys and although I've experienced it on a few occasions, everytime I step into a shower with a guy, I ALWAYS WANT HIM TO FUCK ME - HARD. I want to feel and hear those splashes of water from each time his wet groin slams into my wet ass.

Now we usually shower to get rid of sweat. For me, there's no hurry. The only reason you may have to rush to the shower if you're sweaty is because of the odor you might have picked up from the environment you were in before hand. Otherwise than that, I'm commanding him to take off his clothes, and get more drenched with sweat by putting in a workout on my ass.

The main body parts I yearn to feel when wet are the ass and dick. Me, loving a wet ass? That's no surprise.

But being that I'm not a size queen, you may be surprised to know that something like simple wetness makes me hunger for a guy's cock. I love going down on a guy with a wet cock, be it hard or soft, and no matter why it's wet - I want it in my mouth. It could be by the shower, sweat, piss, pre-cum, even pussy juice. And I've had a cock in my mouth wet by all of those things, but pussy juice. Well, if that bi-3-way or orgy I'm hoping for ever comes my way - it will be my lucky day. 

So I'll leave you with this old solo video of mine to further your understanding of this edition of my "Getting Out The Kinks" series. Or maybe you have had it all along, and just didn't realize it. Now you know. Enjoy.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Ben Markaman's Gay Marriage And Greener Grass

The following post was not written by me. But instead by my friend, Ben Marksman. If the name sounds familiar to my loyal readers, it's because Ben Marksman was the director of one of my last and favorite of my porn films, "All Out Assault". Since filming "All Out Assault", me and Ben have remained good friends, and we often share wisdom on various matters to the point where we find ourselves preaching to the choir. And this post is pretty much no different.

It came about in a recent conversation I had with Ben about someone I was repeatedly trying to go on an outing with, yet the guy seemed to be dragging his feet to make it happen. When I made the point of how with my busy schedule I was putting forth the effort, so why wasn't he, Ben mentioned the "Greener grass..." complex being a very possible factor. Once said, a lightbulb came on for me, and I so realized that Ben might be onto something, that I asked him to share that wisdom by writing a post on the matter. So I give you the wisdom of Ben Marksman...

Gay Marriage And Greener Grass

So now that the dust has settled a bit in New York on the topic of gay marriage, I gave a lot of thought into what this really means for the gay male here in our fair city. My first thought is that Lesbians will most likely be the primary advantage takers of this new law, more so than gay male couples because gay men seem to be less interested in the idea of commitment. As a gay man, I had to really look at my fellow gay brothers and figure out why this is.

Now look, if you want to spend your life unattached, going from man to man, that is okay... as long as you're protecting yourself and your partner. There is nothing wrong with reveling in your sexuality.  However, it does make me wonder why so many gay men jump in and out of relationships so quickly.

The answer: most gay men really don't want a real relationship or understand what a relationship really means. Oh yeah, you're going to jump down my throat for this, but ask yourself some questions:
(1)Do you claim to be in love with someone after 2 weeks?
(2)Have you had a relationship that lasted more than three years? 
(3)Have you started dating someone within a few days or a couple of weeks after you broke up with a person you "loved," only to be "in love" with the new guy two weeks into that "relationship?"

Chances are many of you are wincing because you either noticed yourself or you recognized the pattern in friends around you. So why is it that gay men (for the most part) can't really make a lasting, supportive, monogamous commitment to another man?

It may have something to do with the "Grass is always greener over there" complex. Many gay men may have the most beautiful boyfriend with the best body, best face, biggest dick, tightest ass, best car, best job, most wonderful sense of humor, be the most caring and supportive person in the world, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

Yet, so many gay men will just turn around and throw it away for a tryst with another guy who may not even measure up to the perfect standards of their current boyfriend.  This person may be you, or the lover who cheated on you.  This constant need to always want something more, different, "better," bigger is ultimately self-defeating if you really want to be in a loving long term relationship.

Here's the deal folks - a real relationship is based on honesty and real love can take many months to actually GROW. It can take time, sacrifice, patience and if it is with the right person and what you REALLY want, you are going to have to work at it and not throw IT, or the person of the week or month away. Maybe if gay men realize that now that they have the legal right to marry here in New York, they may think twice about the consequences of bailing out of a "relationship," because now there can indeed be consequences!


There goes your home and possessions, income and more with alimony payments, legal fees and never getting rid of that partner so free and clear.

So think twice about what you really want before you jump into a relationship that is one in name only, and be more honest about what you think you want, and if you do decide that you really want to be in a real long term committed relationship, understand what it really requires.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Sex Party Etiquette - Drop The Stigmas With Your Pants

As many closed their NY Gay Pride Weekend with some kind of social event, I was no different. The social event I went to however dealt with socializing of a more physically interlocking fashion.

I went to the NYJP/GBU Sex Party.

My fun started almost the moment I walked in the door. After getting undressed, I went to the back, and almost immediately got my cock sucked. I then went deeper into the back where there were more people, and almost immediately it was my cock-sucking skills that got put to work. And as soon as the moans from the recipient of my cock-sucking prowess started, a line that I was not accommodating began to form.

A little while later, I saw this cute blond bent over getting fucked. As I got closer to the action, and stood in front of the blond, the blond started sucking my dick and making out with me while he was still getting fucked. When the top got his fill, me and the blond continued making out. We made out so hard that at one point when the blond went down no me, instead of pulling him back up, I found myself squatting down to be with him, and we continued kissing there. Since this was a sex party, and I'm not your typical New Yorker at a sex party treating it like a suckfest instead of the fuckfest it should be, I made it obvious that I was hungry to fuck by asking him if he was a top or bottom. He spoke with an accent, because he turned out being Canadian. He said that he was more of a bottom, but I was so sexy that he could definitely see himself topping me. He was beautiful from head to toe and front to back, so I didn't care at this point what position he was. We just got up, I grabbed a condom and lube packet from my sock, and started fucking his beautiful ass.

The problem was that it was so hot in the room that I got overheated very quickly. Although, it was very early in the night, I didn't want to come yet. I would have at least like to bring myself close, but the heat of the room wouldn't let me. So I took a break to get something to drink and cool off, and we agreed to meet up later.

When I went to go get a drink, someone pointed out to me how a lot of guys there liked the Black guys. Something about that made me uneasy. Then I realized why. It was because as usual at a NYJP event, the non-Black guys are either totally not into Black guys at all, and if they are, they usually live by the porn-induced idea that all Black guys are tops. And the fact that I'm versatile, and was very much in the mood that night to dip my dick in a guy's ass having his 98.6 degrees quickly warming a condom then my cock, as well as have a guy do the same to me is what made that revelation a bit unsettling. So I began to fear if the twitching of my asshole because it craved a cock to milk cum out of... might be all for nothing.

When I went back to the party, this short gorgeous muscular Asian was there. As soon as he saw me, he grabbed me so fast and took me to the corner where a bed was, that I never got to see his cock. That is until he assumed the position...for him to be a bottom. As this made my previously mentioned unsettling feeling more prevalent, I still wasn't going to let the chance to fuck him get away from me. He was too fuckin' HOT.

He was laying on his back to be fucked missionary. While this is my favorite position as a bottom, and I am usually very accommodating of my partner, since he took me to the bed so fast that I never got to see his ass either, I asked him to get on all fours.

I looked down and his ass looked AMAZING. And once inside, proved how he was right to be the motivation for my tweet from yesterday:
Gays are known narcissists who fuck versions of themselves. NOT ME...with the exception of fucking another guy with a tight hole. ;-)

Because his ass was so tight from hole throughout the tunnel that he hugged my dick and engulfed it in warmth. I told myself to change positions in order to entertain his original desire for missionary, a position which I've said in past posts lets the eye contact show that it is you specifically who are desired, and not only your tools for sex. But he was feeling so good that I didn't want to stop. However at the same time, I needed to because if I didn't, I knew I was going to fill up that condom with my man-milk. Luckily, there was a guy standing right next to me watching me fuck the Asian. In the dim lighting I could see that he was of a lighter complexion and a little bit shorter than me. And I could feel that he had a nice ass and an uncut dick. And even though that uncut dick wasn't hard, if he turned out wanting to top, it was going to be my pleasure to make it hard. Because clearly by his stare, he wanted to have sex with me. It was just a matter of finding out how he wanted me - as the top or the bottom.

Once he handed me a condom, it became evident that he wanted me to again be the top. Part of me was disappointed, another part of me got his ego stroked to feel like I was a rooster in a hen house. A place filled with hungry chicks craving this cock. The part of me that was disappointed was from that same unsettling feeling as before. But with my cock in his ass, and groping his soft bubbly ass while I fucked him, made me quickly got over that feeling.

After him, I ran into the Canadian. This is where American White guys show how because of stigmas, they're threatened by Black sex appeal. Because I've noticed at sex parties, when White guys starts getting in a group, they easily let another White guy in. However, when a Black guy is welcomed by one of the White guys in the group (in this case me welcomed by the Canadian), the other White guys scatter - showing how their no better than vermin when you tread upon their rest-stop.

Well, with this outcome, I took full advantage of their stupidity and made out with the Canadian again. However, I was still craving to bottom. So unless he was going to fulfill that desire and top me, my being with the Canadian was going to be temporary. And since such turned out being the case, temporary it was.

Later, I was walking around and saw a Latino standing against the wall who showed interest in me earlier. He had all that I want in a top at a sex party. A gorgeous face, nice body, and a juicy ass to grope while every inch of his hungry cock is dipping in my ass. With that juicy ass, one might think that he was a bottom. Well, my hunger to bottom made me get more aggressive, so I actually made the 1st move this time. We started making out, and I immediately went down on him with the plan to make my mouth feel so good that he would no doubt want to finish pumping his dick in my ass. I sucked him long enough to make his dick throb a couple of times like it was about to shoot, then got up, and just as I was about to whisper, "Fuck me!", he said, "Do you want it?"

No surprise that my response was, "Fuck yes!"

We found the smaller bed free, and I got into missionary position on it. He started fucking me, and I groped his ass and all the muscles in his chest and arms. He then wanted me to turn over. We first did doggy-style, then I laid on my stomach, burying my knees into the bed, raising my ass, and arching my back - for those that don't know, this formula makes do when you don't have and/or want pillows to put underneath the bottom.

Anyway, that intense fuck was a fuck of relief to my hungry hole.

Not long after, the party was winding down. I ran into the last guy I topped. This time we actually spoke, and it turned out being that he was a Spaniard. We got to talking, and our talking continued outside the building. Part of what became interesting about our conversation was how observant he was of behaviors and expectations based on ethnicity. He became even more interesting once I discovered what age all of this knowledge was coming from---- a 22 year-old. Looking for such wisdom in American males at that age is almost like searching for Bigfoot.

He told me one of the things that made him want me to top him was because when he saw me fucking the Asian, the way my body moved made him say, "Oooo, I want to get fucked by him!".

That's not the first time I got such a compliment, but hearing it this time is what sparked my most recent Formspring question. And his compliment is also the reason that I'm more turned off by White American boys in gay porn than before. Because it reaffirmed how from the many I've seen in the clubs be they a patron or go-go dancer, most can't dance for shit. And my experience with lousy dancers is that they are also lousy lays, and the only ones who find them good in bed are other lousy dancers a.k.a. "Citizens of Rhythm-less Nation".

Anyway, I thanked him for the compliment. Especially, since it showed that he took note of how when I top, that I fuck passionately, but not rough. And since he didn't have the "White guilt" that White guys have who go hunting for Black cock tend to look to be punished for, he didn't crave to be fucked with the unseemly savagery that most Black porn actor tops do. Thereby giving birth to the lousy stigma of Blacks males using sex to release their anger over the sins of this country's White forefathers. Instead, he craved the passion, lust-filled hard thrusts from when I top someone. Because though hard and passionate, my thrusts coincide with his self-respect.

He also told me that he was apprehensive about touching me. Because of what he's experienced and witnessed in the past with other Black guys. He told me of an occurrence where he saw a Black guy fucking someone, and when he reached out to touch the guy, the Black guy threw his hand off. I told him that I've witness that myself in other ethnicities as well, but mainly in Black guys. I also told him that since I'm not like that, I have no idea of where that stupidity comes from. I told him so many Black guys doing that creates the stigma associated with Black men that either they can't walk and chew gum at the same time. or they believe that they're too good to be touched while they're fucking. I also told him about my porn past, and how a guy did that to me in a scene.

If any of you saw the movie, "B.L.A.K. (Bruthas Live And Kinky)", you might recall a point where I reach back to touch my scene partner, Foxx while he's fucking me from behind. At which point, he throws my hand down.
It is for this reason that movie is NOT one of the movies I'm giving away at the Bad Boys On The Hudson Sea Tea this Sunday. Because whatever joy I was having from doing that scene, Foxx's being representative of that stigma killed that joy.

So you see by this instance, that it's not only Whites who need to drop the stigmas with their pants, but Blacks need to do the same. You see, I'm an equal opportunity chastiser.

While writing this post, I realized that racial stigmas aren't the only stigmas that need to be with patrons' pants. There are other types of stigmas that need to be addressed, which is why I think this post may be a Part 1. So stay tuned...

Sunday, July 3, 2011

LeNair Xavier's Secret Touch

Back in December of 2002, it was my 1st December since realizing that I was a 5 on the Kinsey scale back in early March. The law firm I was working at had a Christmas party, and even though I was a temporary Mail Clerk, I was allowed to attend. I seemed to draw a great deal of attention. Not just for the shining silver-grey muscle shirt that I revealed after I taking off my sports-jacket. But also because of the reason I needed to take off my sports-jacket ----me, the quiet temp of a Mail Clerk was dancing up a storm. 

Maybe my being in the middle of a party gave me reason to throw so much energy into celebrating how it was nearing a year since my coming out to myself.

Believe it or not, we had work the next day. While doing one of my mail-runs, one of the ladies in one of the departments I had to stop at said to me, "LeNair, do you have ANY bones in your body?"

Everyone in that department laughed hilariously, myself included. My laughter however was out of shyness. Because now my secret of being able to dance was out.

What surprised me about the question was the fact that I didn't think that I did anything to show my body as being that loose. I didn't do any drops to the floor, or pop-locking. I just danced. I guess it was because when you're surrounded by the tightness of people in the corporate world like attorneys, in your mind's eye, anyone incredibly good at keeping a rhythm becomes greater than they actually are at that moment.

During my time at that firm I went to 7 Christmas parties, and I was the go-to guy to dance with. No matter what type of music it was. Be it disco, r & b, hip-hop, rock/pop, Reggae, or Latin, I got dragged to the dancefloor and wore out most of the women I danced with.

Backtrack to 1989, when Donny Osmond made his comeback with the hit, "Soldier Of Love". After curiosity got the better of me, I bought the cassette of the album (yes, cassette - it was 1989). And I'm glad I did. I was liking every song. Naturally, some more than others. But when the cassette went to Side 2, I heard this tribal beat begin. And the song, "My Secret Touch", became a song I often used at the time (and occasionally still do) to better my ability to combine my skills as a singer and dancer.

Although I've long ago stopped chasing the dream of being a recording artist because of the overload of auto-tune in the music industry, I've still been wanting to perform this song for an audience 22 years later. Now, thanks to sites like YouTubeVimeo, and the like, I can now have that audience in some capacity.

One of the things I am most proud of with this video is how I made it now at 40, instead of when I first heard and feel in love with the beat of this song 22 years ago when I was 18. For I can now show how with being active, mostly healthy eating, plus little to no drugs and alcohol you can prolong one being able to exemplify how age can really be just a number.

Because if I'm to be asked again if I have any bones in my body, this video will definitely lead you to wonder.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Formspring: Are Dancers Better In Bed?

In light of my newest dance video to be posted tomorrow, the compliments I have received in the bedroom, and compliments I have given, I decided to ask:

Do you find the rhythmic properties of dance help dancers to be better in bed? And if so, which TYPE of dancers do you find better? Those trained with the rigidness of types like ballet, OR those who are good at simply working it on the club dancefloor?

Answer here at Formspring. But I would rather you do so in  the comments section.

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