Intro To Anal

There's no set age that each man reaches when they comes to terms with who they really are. The fact of the matter is that most gay men at some point in their life will try to fight off the urge to be attracted to other men. As with anything outside of the norm, it's hard to accept that you might not be the same as the status quo.

But eventually, the clouds are lifted, and he can finally comes to terms with his sexuality. He could be 8, 18, or 80, but it's only when he finally allows himself to be who he is that he can really start living.

Unfortunately, the hindering of their sexuality can leave a lot of gay men unaware of how to go about having anal sex for the first time. But not to worry! There are a few things you can do to make your first time just as amazing as you hoped it would be.

Getting Comfortable With Insertion

The first step when you're just starting out with anal play is lube. Lots and lots of lube. It will make insertion much easier and limit your discomfort.

If you haven't experimented with anal play in the past, you can test your sensitivity using your finger, or an anal toys first. When using a toy, start with something small, like a slender butt plug. Go slow, and once you're comfortable with the size, you can move up to larger, more advanced varieties.

If you eventually decide to share your new toys with a partner, you should put a condom on them as well. Also, remember that oil and petroleum-based lubes can cause latex to deteriorate, according to GMFA. Whether your with a partner or sharing a sex toy, make sure that your lube is compatible with the condoms you're using, or stick with water-based variety.

Locate Your Prostate

Once you're comfortable with insertion, there are also toys that you can get to help you locate and pleasure your prostate. As Adam & Eve explains, "the prostate is considered to be the male g-spot." While it can be stimulated externally, "the most effective prostate massage is done internally with a finger or anal vibrator."

Knowing where your prostate is will help you guide your partner during anal sex, so he can make the experience as enjoyable for you as it is for him.

Picking the Right Partner

It's better that your first time be with someone who you trust and can accommodate your need to go slow the first time. I've talked before about how I run into problems with men thinking that they can be forceful. Remember, gay or straight, that's never okay. Although you might feel like it'd be nice to have someone take the reigns for your first go around, chances are if they're not respecting your body in public, their certainly not going to in private.

Most importantly, while this blog endorses choice in regards to condom use, for your introduction to anal play, and until you feel secure with your partner, it is very much recommended that you use a condom. While there's no reason to be scared of having anal sex, it's crucial that you're aware of the risks so that you understand the need for protection. Anal sex provides a much easier route for the STDs because of the thinner wall of skin in the anus than any other hole. The thinner skin is more likely to lead to small tears, thus opening possible areas for infection. However, there's nothing to worry about as long as you and your partner are both safe and have been recently tested.

The pleasure of opening your eyes (and yourself!) up to a new world sex is indescribable. Your inhibitions are lost when you can be who you really are and have sex like you've always wanted. In no time at all, you'll be comfortable enough to initiate some fun on your own and maybe even join in at sex parties or two!

What are you waiting for

Ben Markaman's Gay Marriage And Greener Grass

The following post was not written by me. But instead by my friend, Ben Marksman. If the name sounds familiar to my loyal readers, it's because Ben Marksman was the director of one of my last and favorite of my porn films, "All Out Assault". Since filming "All Out Assault", me and Ben have remained good friends, and we often share wisdom on various matters to the point where we find ourselves preaching to the choir. And this post is pretty much no different.

It came about in a recent conversation I had with Ben about someone I was repeatedly trying to go on an outing with, yet the guy seemed to be dragging his feet to make it happen. When I made the point of how with my busy schedule I was putting forth the effort, so why wasn't he, Ben mentioned the "Greener grass..." complex being a very possible factor. Once said, a lightbulb came on for me, and I so realized that Ben might be onto something, that I asked him to share that wisdom by writing a post on the matter. So I give you the wisdom of Ben Marksman...

Gay Marriage And Greener Grass

So now that the dust has settled a bit in New York on the topic of gay marriage, I gave a lot of thought into what this really means for the gay male here in our fair city. My first thought is that Lesbians will most likely be the primary advantage takers of this new law, more so than gay male couples because gay men seem to be less interested in the idea of commitment. As a gay man, I had to really look at my fellow gay brothers and figure out why this is.

Now look, if you want to spend your life unattached, going from man to man, that is okay... as long as you're protecting yourself and your partner. There is nothing wrong with reveling in your sexuality.  However, it does make me wonder why so many gay men jump in and out of relationships so quickly.

The answer: most gay men really don't want a real relationship or understand what a relationship really means. Oh yeah, you're going to jump down my throat for this, but ask yourself some questions:

(1)Do you claim to be in love with someone after 2 weeks?

(2)Have you had a relationship that lasted more than three years? 

(3)Have you started dating someone within a few days or a couple of weeks after you broke up with a person you "loved," only to be "in love" with the new guy two weeks into that "relationship?"

Chances are many of you are wincing because you either noticed yourself or you recognized the pattern in friends around you. So why is it that gay men (for the most part) can't really make a lasting, supportive, monogamous commitment to another man?

It may have something to do with the "Grass is always greener over there" complex. Many gay men may have the most beautiful boyfriend with the best body, best face, biggest dick, tightest ass, best car, best job, most wonderful sense of humor, be the most caring and supportive person in the world, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

Yet, so many gay men will just turn around and throw it away for a tryst with another guy who may not even measure up to the perfect standards of their current boyfriend.  This person may be you, or the lover who cheated on you.  This constant need to always want something more, different, "better," bigger is ultimately self-defeating if you really want to be in a loving long term relationship.

Here's the deal folks - a real relationship is based on honesty and real love can take many months to actually GROW. It can take time, sacrifice, patience and if it is with the right person and what you REALLY want, you are going to have to work at it and not throw IT, or the person of the week or month away. Maybe if gay men realize that now that they have the legal right to marry here in New York, they may think twice about the consequences of bailing out of a "relationship," because now there can indeed be consequences!

Oh yeah, GAY DIVORCE!

There goes your home and possessions, income and more with alimony payments, legal fees and never getting rid of that partner so free and clear.

So think twice about what you really want before you jump into a relationship that is one in name only, and be more honest about what you think you want, and if you do decide that you really want to be in a real long term committed relationship, understand what it really requires.