Friday, December 28, 2012

Gay Media's NEEDED New Year's Resolutions

Over time with this blog, as well as on their websites, I have made it no secret of how much of a bad taste various gay media sources have disappointed me. So as the new year is soon arriving, I would like to ask these gay media sources to make the following New Year's resolutions below. So that we can finally bury the hatchet, and bridge the gap between, not just me, but the many in the gay community who have come to, and unknowingly agree with me.
I'm sure I could have a longer list. However, let's start with these few, but very important things so that the healing between us can begin. Thank you.

Friday, December 21, 2012

See Chocolate Sexy, Beautiful, and Love: Neapolitan's Inspiration

It's very easy just to write about sex in a story, song, or poem. But it takes work to make that tale have a message that readers can get.

In the case of a poem I recently wrote entitled "Neapolitan", the word just popped in my head. I felt that word popped in my head for a reason. It had to be. After all, as an American ice cream flavor, Neapolitan is by no means my favorite. So I wasn't being subconsciously sent out to go buy some. This led me to feel that Fate was using the word to symbolize a message I needed to share. More specifically, an erotic message.

Then it hit me as a lot of recent events flooded my mind.

Such as the behavior of Whites at the last GBU/NY Jock Party I attended. The absence of Blacks in underwear modeling as I addressed in "Black Guys Wear Underwear, Too". And the saturation of White (and maybe light-complexioned non-White) males in too many ads and videos promoting parties held here in the multi-ethnic mecca that is NYC. All of this led me to again be reminded (not that I ever forgot) how in gay nightlife and media Whites are the only sign of intellect, humanity, and beauty, with Latinos being 2nd in line, but only if they're also light-complexioned. Meanwhile, I can easily point out specific instances that show one race to not be any better than the other.

What also came to mind was how in sexually desire, non-Whites are treated like fetishes and not human beings, and how anger over this may translate into those treated as such using sex as a weapon of revenge, namely Blacks. A matter I addressed in purple print in "Return to Boxers & Briefs".

The idea of Black males using sex as a weapon has been forced down our throats in pornography. From Bobby Blake to Diesel Washington and the like in gay porn, or Sean Michaels, Lexington Steele to Brian Pumper and the like in straight porn, Black males have always been shown borderline raping their White counterparts. And Whites who colorize sexuality perceive this to be what we are, therefore understandably fear us. For this kind of sexual display shows no potential for a loving heart. So this became a damaging image of Blacks I wanted to undo with "Neapolitan".

With a fetish, you can take it or leave it. And there are no real worthwhile judgments against you should you decide to leave it. Whites are not treated as such. All media, be it magazine, TV/web series, or porn, act as if you don't like Whites, then you're looked upon as if you're inhumane. However, we Black and Asians are treated like we're disposable. As if to say, "You don't like Whites?! What's wrong with you?! Now, if you don't like those niggers and chinks, no big deal. They're an acquired taste anyway."

Well let me remind you that acquire taste known as Blacks is sometime referred to as Chocolate.
Now, should you confront people on having that attitude, they'll say that they would never say those words. However, the old adage still holds true that action speaks louder than words.

Whether it's the man or woman's mouth, a woman's vagina, or a man or woman's rectum, and regardless of the person's ethnicity, we are all pink inside our mouths and asses. In this case

After all of this, the colors and flavors of Neapolitan coming together had a meaning to translate into erotic poetry.
Chocolate was the penis of a Black male.
Strawberry was the inner flesh of the mouth, vagina, or ass.
And Vanilla was the ejaculation from the Chocolate and Strawberry coming together.

So the purpose of Neapolitan was to reassure Black males of their beauty and sexuality, and how they did not have to mold themselves into these bad sexual images of us put out by the media. And also let non-Blacks knows that those images are not who we are, and how much those of us Black males who are men appreciate when we are not seen with such stereotypical sexual ugliness.

What makes Neapolitan more special is that the message of its lyrics not only easily crosses over various colors/ethnicities being with Black men, but also sexual orientations of Black men. So while I am proud of the eroticism of the poem, the behavior from those around us that inspired a need for it is what I'm troubled by.

Maybe you will come see it as it is very likely that I will debut at the next open mic of "Titillating Tongues".

See the video here.

Monday, December 17, 2012

You Are Not Alone - Not A Black Documentary

Last Monday night, I attended a screening by DGBM of the documentary, "You Are Not Alone" by NAACP Award-winning director, Stanley Bennett Clay.

After hearing of DGBM(Depressed Black Gay Men), I was apprehensive about seeing this film because as proven from watching the documentary, the issues that cause depression among gay Black males are no different than in any other ethnicity. However, as I brought up to the director privately after the screening, gay media as we know it always puts a White face on all of the issues in coming out. Mr. Clay's response to me was, "Well, they're telling their stories, so we must tell ours."

And that's what has always bothered me about American gay media - the separatism of such universal issues. In regards to coming out as a gay American, because of the variety in ethnicities in this country, there should be no Black people's story, White people's story, Latino, Asian, Middle Easterner's story, etc. There is no color to the depression that some of us face. For it is all a COLOR-BLIND HUMAN story. Nor is it based on religion, since there are even atheist households that hate homosexuals. So depression takes its toll on them as well.

The reason why documentaries like "You Are Not Alone" have become necessary is because gay media makes Black families the bad guys in halting the progression of gay rights. How many stories on gay media websites during the campaign for gay marriage did we not see fingers repeatedly pointed at Black churches? Trying to make us quickly forget the Mitt Romneys and Michele Bachmanns and her husband with his "conversion therapy". That is until Election Day was nearing.

So I say requests to see this film should definitely be made. Not only so families of Black gay males can watch and learn from it, but non-Black gays of all ages as well. So they can realize that despite what the racism in gay media has told you, our situations, our struggles with our families, and ourselves are COLOR BLIND and NO DIFFERENT.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Black Guys Wear Underwear, Too!

Some of you need something brought to your attention.

As much as you may lust after underwear models, how many of you have noticed that with maybe the exception of Calvin Klein, Jocks By RJ and recently 2(x)ist, most underwear companies NEVER use medium to dark complexioned models?

And if they do it is under extreme tokenism, like the m.o.'s of C-IN2, or Andrew Christian with some of his videos - obviously aimed at pleasing the White aesthetic. Even if they use them for fashion shows in certain areas, medium to dark complexion models are practically never hired to become the main spokesmodel for any company.

This problem is big in the modeling world, but no one will publicly discuss it at length. Mainly because all parties involved want to make their money, and not rock the boat while doing so. The marketing departments of the underwear companies are guilty, so the reason for their silence is obvious. Models themselves of whatever color won't say anything to avoid losing potential future work. Lastly, modeling agencies and photographers won't say anything to avoid losing present and/or potential clients from the big name racist companies. I know this one for a fact because I saw a modeling agency that is owned by a male of color and works primarily with models of color put out a call for underwear models in  a Facebook posting. The posting called for White, Latino, and even Asian. BLACKS HOWEVER WERE NOT AT ALL MENTIONED, AND THE AGENT KNEW IT BY ADDRESSING IT IN THE POSTING CITING THE REASON I STATED FOR AGENCIES' SILENCE IN THIS MATTER. So the code of silence about the racism is very similar to the one I experienced while in gay porn.

This is where I come in....

....Someone who sees a wrong, and doesn't care about the consequences of addressing it. For I know I have the strength of character and the multiple talents to survive after all the sell-outs and guilty parties have turned their backs on me. I did it with gay porn, and I am prepared to do it again with the modeling world.

Before I continue, let me state for the record, I have had an exchanges with some of these companies via social networking sites regarding their limited use of Black models. However, I have gotten very political replies in return.

My friend, Ben Marksman brought up an interesting line of reasoning that he was hoping would explain the absence of Black underwear models. He said that it might have something to do with the belief of Black guys having bigger penises, so Whites in marketing fear feeling inferior by putting those believed to be bigger penises in underwear for all to see. Well, I can say IF that plays any part at all, them it's a small part (no pun intended). I say this because Latino males are also known  for big penises, and companies like Andrew Christian, C-IN22(x)ist, N2N Bodywear, Male Power, etc. seem to have no problem with hiring light-complexioned Latino males to model their underwear. So while it is a racism issue, it goes even deeper by being light and dark color issue.

Recently, Andrew Christian put out a casting notice for Asian and Black models. It's unfortunate that I'm skeptical, but it's very much justified. For as I stated earlier past inclusion of Blacks in Andrew Christian underwear ads have been both sporadic and token uses. All you have to do is look at the photo above and his videos to back up the truth in my statement.

Gregg Homme put out a casting notice as well that is not ethnicity-specific.
I am giving them some leeway because they are not based here in the U.S., but in Canada. However, with their intent to grow here in the U.S. is why I have submitted my pics for consideration. For racism is so out of control in this country that diversity in your advertisement casting is a must to avoid a public outcry, even if the media tries to downplay it as being a whisper.

Now, if those heading these ad campaigns really do feel an inferiority due to the "Black is bigger" theory, then wouldn't it be wise of them to show us wearing briefs and bikini underwear to cage those "bigger & blacker" endowments? It seems like a smart move to me. For them, better that than to have Black males doing a boycott of underwear companies to the point that those big Black dicks start poking out of boxers or bulging in our jeans, slacks, and shorts because us Black guys have all gone commando.

Evidently their advertising departments are not color-blind enough to beauty to think so. And agencies and photographers don't have the big enough balls to take them to task on it. And with models being expected to be faces and bodies with no thought in order to get the next  modeling job, they are the ones that we can expect to see the least amount a stand on this matter.

With all that said, my parting words are for these underwear companies:

If your companies were to suddenly start hiring darker models of color, it doesn't change a thing. Because the only reason you would do so is because of an outcry from blog posts like this. And if that's what it takes to make you acknowledge people of medium to darker complexions as symbols of beauty, or as part of your target market, then at this point why should we care?

For while some of you seem to be just now getting around to trying, from my perspective, the damage is already done. Especially by American companies. For you already told on yourself of your limited thinking as to who is beautiful enough and financially able to wear your products by your numerous videos and ads with White and light-complexioned Latino models. And these are times when the Black American community and those non-Blacks with enough humanity to understand have ALL reached a point that unless you are an agent profiting from the commission, or a Black model himself, tokenism is not appreciated. And it is damn sure not respected.

Furthermore, if you have any real humanity, it shouldn't take a public outcry to make you aware of your oversight. Especially, if you call yourself an American. For as an American, showing diversity should be ingrained in your brain.

So it's a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario at this point. But it is of your own doing.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

DL Guys, Fuck Me With Your Eyes

On November 16th, I debuted a poem entitled "Fuck Me With Your Eyes" at the open mic event of "Titillating Tongues". It was a poem I wrote telling a story of me responding to being courted by a guy on the "down low". This is the pic I used to promote it on Facebook, Twitter, and my Tumblr blog.

After posting this pic, surprisingly no one has ever asked, whose eyes are those behind me?

The answer...Nickolay Petrov.

Why did I use him? It was my way of calling out my own bad misjudgment that I acknowledged in "Gotta Kick Myself: Porn Regrets Born". For when I was interviewed for the book "Ultimate Starz", one questioned I was asked was if I was to make a movie called "Tre's X' Orgy", who would my 4 costars be? I regrettably named Nickolay Petrov as one of the 4 guys.

If the name, "Nickolay Petrov" is unfamiliar to you, it's probably because he's a former porn actor. A former porn actor whose real name is Edmon Vardanyan. The reason he is no longer on the scene is because he was sent away to prison. Something that I once pointed out almost 5 years ago seems to be a constant with many gay-for-pay porn actors. Committing violent acts against people perceived to be weaker than them. So while at the time of being asked the question for the book, I was unaware that Nickolay Petrov was "gay-for-pay" it would have resulted in regret had the opportunity to bottom for him in a scene presented itself. So again I say, "Thank you, Gay Porn Industry Racism!"

Another reason to use Nickolay Petrov was to show that the lusting eyes of those "on the down low" is not the "Black thing" the media tries to make it seem. For one personal story I can tell is how I went to a sex party a few years ago, and saw an attractive guy there who may have been either White or a light-complexioned Latino. I noticed he was wearing a gold wedding ring. He made it clear that he was interested. At the time, the rules I have in play of learning specifics of his real relationship were not in play like they are today, so I went along and we started making out. When it came time to get a condom, I told him what I was going to do and that I'd be right back. When I came back with the condom,...he was gone. Now what if we had unprotected sex like he seemed to want, and I had an STD? Then he was not only putting himself at risk, but his wife as well.

Do I have fantasies about sex with straight guys? I have never denied the fact that I do. In fact, gay porn is so phony that most of the porn I watch is straight porn with me wishing that guy would do to my ass what he's doing to that girl's pussy. But part of being a man and not lessening your manhood to what I define as a "faggot" is by knowing when to leave things as being just a fantasy by respecting reality.

On websites like Adam4Adam, I have encountered many guys whose profile will say "Out No". This could mean either he's not into the gay scene as far as going to bars/clubs. Or worse, he could be not respecting his reality by living the double-life known as "life on the down low". Based on all that I've written here about the first, you can see why I don't fault him. However, if his "Out No" means being on the down low, then he and his cowardice make him lie to not only himself, but also his female significant other, makes him need to move on so he can man-up.

Sadly, there are gay males who don't feel the same. And they should be ashamed of themselves for that. For we are enough at risk either going home with strangers, or letting them into our homes after meeting them on the streets, in bars/clubs, or online. So why would you up the ante to that risk by inviting someone who is obviously so mentally and emotionally disturbed that they would advertise in conversation or a profile the secretive double-life they're living? Making you an accomplice to them deceiving their female significant other. And worst of all, possibly killing you as a way to keep their secret.

All to stroke your ego and say, "I got a straight guy"?...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!

If that is the case, then you are just as demented as he is. And while I don't wish you ill-will, if something heinous happens to you, then you brought it upon yourself.

When I see someone say they're on the down low, the outcome like this from the movie "Johns" comes to mind. Yes, the movie is about male prostitutes working the streets, and the john as a speech impediment, but that doesn't change the possibility of this outcome becoming real for you at anytime.

So since guys on the down low have a secret to keep. What's to stop them from doing you harm to silence you? Hence why if they want to fuck me, they can do it by looking, then masturbating to the fantasy after. But for their lack of manhood by not being true to themselves and those around them, they will never be worthy of the real thing that is me.

Where's the poem, you ask? I decided that I'm not going to post the poem here. All I'm going to say is that the message was well received at the event. So next time when I promote how I'm delivering a good message in my poetry, hopefully you'll come by so you don't miss out.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Sex Party Etiquette - Who Hired The Commentator?

Is it just me, or are you annoyed by those guys at sex parties who make you ask, "Since when did ESPN send commentators over to sex parties? Gay sex parties at that? Did I miss the point when gay sex became a sporting event?"

Well, let me tell you, they annoy the fuck out of me!

And for some reason they always seem to want to commentate in my ear. It's gotten to the point that I have started needing to show my disapproval by looking them up and down, then walking away from them.

Would you believe that I started this blog post 2 YEARS AGO?! The reason it's taken this long to address this is not because the behavior has stopped. Instead, it's because these idiots pretty much kept the commentating to moans and whispers of "Yeah, fuck his ass." The straw that broke the camel's back was that this time, I had some overcompensating shithead trying to be a gay sex education teacher, when he's not getting any action his damn self.

I was trying to top this Asian guy. I had topped this Asian guy before, but what I forgot was how many breaks he takes to sniff poppers. And it has been well documented here how I hate poppers, even most recently in my poem, "Run From The Fun", most of the 3rd stanza addresses this, as it reads:

Don’t need poppers
Don’t need T
All I need is lube and to crave you in me
For it’s my will to have you that makes me open wide
It’s a lesser man who needs a drug to let you inside
For a real man will do a drug-free withstand
Of a cock pencil-thin or thick like a beer can

Anyway, this night his popper use seemed worst than before. My mistake to even bother, but I started fucking his ass, and I couldn't get a good number of thrust in before he had to sniff his poppers. I tried again, and the same thing happened - another need to sniff. After this 2nd stop, my memory of his popper addiction got more refreshed, which made me get so annoyed that I just quit trying.

There was this Black guy watching. I kept seeing him around throughout the night, but not playing with anybody. After I tapped the Asian to signal my being done trying, he walked away. But just before walking away, he whispered to me, "Make him arch his back."

I looked back and said, "I know what to do."

The Black guy looked back knowing I was annoyed. Because evidently, my annoyance with the situation showed in my voice. And I didn't know which of the 2 withstanding annoyances was more prevalent in my tone: a) the Asian bottom whose lessened his manhood by being unable to take cock without using poppers incessantly, or b) this Black asshole who made himself an asshole by trying to play commentator to my action, when in any free moment I had, I never saw him do anything on his own all night.

When the Black guy made his comment, I never looked him completely in the face as I replied. Because I didn't want to put my eyes on him. For he already annoyed me with his presence by being the common bald Black gym-rat who obviously hits the gym to fit some White-ordained image of what a beautiful Black male should be. So for him to try criticizing me or giving me advice, because of the aforementioned, he needed to start criticizing and advising himself to be an individual, instead of being molded from a gay media-influenced cookie-cutter.

Furthermore, the fact that this guy's commentary came from him not even knowing the history of what I've experienced with this Asian guy and his popper use. And even furthermore, we are talking about the male sexual ego. A male at a sex party with any degree of logical thinking wants to be cheered on from the sidelines. Not guided by some other voice besides his own.

Now, do I go to sex parties and as far as I'm concerned see tops doing their bottoms wrong? ABSOLUTELY. But I leave them be. For they're 2 consenting adults, and what is going on between them is just that - between them. Therefore, they are to play director to one another. You need to stop being a nosey busy-body no-action-having little faggot, and stay the fuck out of it!

When you're at a sex party, the only sounds you really want to hear are the moans, groans, slaps from body contact, and the whispers and hollars from the pleasure - in short, the symphony of sex. All other sounds like your conversations and you commentating in someone's ear makes you a nuisance. At least for me, I don't need my ego stroked about how good a fuck I am by someone who I'm not fucking. I mean is my dick in your hole or in his? Exactly, HIS. So shut the fuck up! Thank you kind-LY.

Now, whether watching sex in a porn movie or at a sex party, I'm sure we all have the thoughts like, "Yeah, he's pounding that ass!", "Yeah, he's tearing that pussy UP!", or "Boy, he's givin' it to 'em!"

Keywords, people ---- "INSIDE VOICE!!!!!"

Yes, I'm thinking the same thing. Yes, I'm getting turned on. But my dick just went limp by hearing your out-of-control yap. Because your inability to keep it as an inner-thought makes it seem that you came here not out of the fun of watching sex (and maybe getting some yourself), but out of a desperation for sex so severe that you can't control yourself. And that will only lessen how attractive a self-assured person is going to find you. Now, if you came here to be the recipient of a mercy fuck - keep up the good work. But do your search over by someone else. Someone whose stupidity and lack of self-assurance makes them need that ego boost from you. The "stupidity" I speak of is because you're supposed to get reassurance of your skill from your partner who is suppose to receive pleasure from your body, not some random voyeur with no such connection. And your lack of self-assurance is shown by you taking a compliment or critique with no regard as to whether or not it's the proper source of a compliment or critique.

Sometimes this commentating is not only done by words. It can also be done by action. I've had a few occasions at sex parties and backrooms where I'm giving or receiving oral sex, and someone besides the receiver puts their hand of the giver's head to guide him. Again, WHO THE FUCK ASKED YOU?!

If I'm the one receiving, the guy who put their hands on the giver's head looks annoyed when I move his hand. And I don't care. Because putting your hand on him to guide his head is not your place. Since it's my dick in his mouth, it's my call. And if I'm the giver, then it's vice versa. Either way, communication is to be between the giver and receiver. Therefore everyone else, BACK OFF, SHUT THE HELL UP, and KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOUR-FUCKIN'-SELF!!!

With all that said, I'm going to close by saying this...Whatever you're overcompensating for, get your shit together, and stop being an oversized gnat in a guy's ear making him pay for it! Just because your lack of social grace has you miserable, do not try making us your company. Because if you think you're lonely now,...and no, I am not about to say the rest of those Bobby Womack lyrics....

What I'm saying is, if you think you're lonely now, ...your whispers shows ugliness to make sure you stay that way.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

HIV, STDs & The Power of CHOICE

Earlier this month, I made up this collage and posted it on this blog and on Facebook. I knew being as brief as it was that it might require some explanation. Because truth be told, as much as many of us try to put forth the facade that we don't need things explained to us, reactions prove otherwise.

Such as the exchange between me and a Facebook friend via the comments when I posted the photo there. While I understand where he is coming from with a great deal of what he said. As I said in my reply, my offense to his reaction was that he harped on my using the word "CHOICE". I highlighted the word "CHOICE" out of respect for us all being adults in this situation. So I felt acting like I was wrong for saying "CHOICE" was him greenlighting more of the patronizing safe-sex messages that have been drilled into our heads thus far.

Let me start explaining why I made this collage by saying that I am not pro-barebacking. Nor am I trying to be the condom police intruding upon your bedroom. One reason I made this collage was because I am pro-choice on condom use, and I feel encouraging both of those other extremes is quite dangerous, and I for one am so sick and tired of seeing us adults treated like children over this matter. And the reason adults are treated like children is mainly because of America's attitude towards 1)addressing sexuality with their children, and 2) respecting as adults we have the power of choice. So this leaves the media to try doing the job parents should have started since the children were late pre-teens and continued from there.

I want the media to respect us, the target audience. But in order to show that respect, whether parents did their part of not, certain aspects of sex must be taken into account by the media if these messages to combat contracting HIV and other STDs are to have the desired effect of decreased transmissions.
TAKE NOTE of how the nature of sex is to be in the heat of the moment.
TAKE NOTE how as adults we have inner voices that gives us the power of choice.
TAKE NOTE that  the nature of sex is that there should not be a barrier between you and your partner. Therefore, sex with a condom is unnatural. However, because of the times we live in with various STDs that we may need to go against nature. Therefore,...
TAKE NOTE that which based on the aforementioned nature of sex (being in the heat of the moment) going against nature is not always so easy to do. And also
TAKE NOTE that we live in a time where more and more people (young and old) are using sex to fill emotional voids made by physically and emotionally unavailable parents and significant others, mainly due to putting career before family.

If all these things are taken into account, we can try to come forth with a more effective, and less condescending message. I say "try" because the sexual repression of our society has done its damage to both, our youth and our adults. On a subject like sex, no matter how well-intended these safe-sex messages are, you can't treat an adult like a child and expect him/her to respond without rebellion. Instead, they are going to listen to nature, which is sex void of that barrier called a "condom", even though they're aware of the fact that it includes risks. So all you can appeal to now is their adult power of choice.

Hence why in that Facebook commentary, when the matter was brought up about when making a choice that you are also choosing the consequences, part of my response was to ask him as I now ask you, ...Do you REALLY think we don't know about the consequences of our actions? This is what I mean in us adults being treated like children in regards to the matter of condom use and STD transmissions. We are well aware of the consequences, but we are talking about SEX - an act that has a nature of being done in the heat of the moment. This is why if someone falters in their condom use, you have little to no right to play judge, jury, and executioner. Doing so tells me that you pointing and shaking that "Shame on you" finger at someone is your way of making yourself seem sexually superior (which you're not), since you're trying to distract others from seeing how many times you've made that same mistake, or different ones in judgement.

This may seem like I'm not getting off topic, but I'm not. I'm just taking a moment to elaborate on how in saying "different mistakes", I am referring to another reason I made this collage. It was to counter the infantile and hypocritical antics of some anti-barebacking porn directors. Such as loud-mouths like Chi Chi LaRue with his "Shut Your Hole" PSA, and Michael Lucas with his alleged rules towards performers who have done bareback porn. Before buying into their crap, be aware of their different (and still repeating) mistakes in judgement of making a fetish of Black males, and encouraging life on the down low with their swift hiring of "gay-for-pay" bitches in denial porn performers. The hypocrisy of these and other porn directors should be found astounding, but after my experience in the industry it's not surprising at all. For I have long said that we most of us were told about condom use before most of us even  faced the reality of our being some degree of gay. So blaming porn producers like Treasure Island or Dark Alley Media is scapegoating. I will give credit where credit is due, and say that at least most these barebacking companies don't use "gay-for-pay" bitches in denial. Unlike Corbin Fisher, Sean Cody, and Bel Ami who have started to use barebacking as a way to compete in the game, but try to lessen the heat of scrutiny with claims of mandatory testing prior to shooting, which is not 100% fool-proof. Now, Chi Chi LaRue, Michael Lucas, and the like may use condoms, but they're guilty of the same scapegoating.

And though I don't owe you this, I'm only confessing this to further prove that I practice what I preach, and have been doing so for quite some time now.
In early 2003, within my first year after coming out, I contracted a STD. I sat in Chelsea clinic unlike I am now, uneducated about HIV and other STDs, but fearing HIV mainly, even though I used a condom with the person I got that STD from. But while waiting for the diagnosis and possible treatment, I told myself, "Whatever happens LeNair, you made a CHOICE to suck that guy's dick. You made a CHOICE to let him suck on yours. And since it takes 2 to tango, he made a CHOICE to let you suck his dick. And he made a CHOICE to put his mouth on yours." So on that day, I taught myself to own the consequences of my actions, and how the foundation of much of what happens to us is CHOICE.
And FYI - the STD turned out being syphilis.

All this said, the bottom line message of that collage is as I said in my Facebook comment:
I made this picture to combat the patronizing rhetoric and say, "I respect you have the intellect to know what to do, BUT it is up to you to do it. And if you don't, then that's on you and whoever CONSENTS to being with you.
If you go bareback and get HIV or some other STD, that's your fault. OWN IT! Even if you asked their status, they say they're disease-free, so you go bareback, and get something, that's your fault as well. OWN IT!"

Like I said before, it's all about us being adults, and treated as such. Acknowledge that, then maybe we can create a message to slow transmissions down.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Computer Bold

Have you gotten "Anonymous" replies to a comment you've written on a blog? Do you have profiles on various sites (like Facebook and MySpace, even YouTube, Vimeo, and dare I say Xtube) and seen your words, art, and uploads criticized with hate-speak by some faceless profile with nothing of their own to show to back up their critique? Have you had arguments and/or break-ups via text message or email, instead of face-to-face or voice-to-voice? OR have you been the person to do these things?

Well, I submitted a definition to the Urban Dictionary that was accepted soon after to describe the "bravery" of such people. The term is called "computer bold", and it reads:
However, the idea of being computer bold is no limited to just communications through your PC, Mac, laptop, or tablet. For as the last aforementioned question shows, it also entails text messaging on cell phones.

Well, I have written a poem to accompany the term I made that sums it all up. And also made a video. In the video, I'm aware that the section addressing text messaging seems to drag. The fact is I did that purposely to show how much more work it takes to be a coward addressing someone by text message instead of actually facing them in person or by voice, and owning up to whatever reaction from them your words may incite. So yes, the section drags. But considering the point it makes, it drags for a very good reason.

So with that slow spot explain beforehand, without further ado, please take note of the video for "Computer Bold":
And just think, that texting section would have taken almost twice as long if I had totally typed it. And I'm actually a good typist, even on a Qwerty keyboard.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Enter Me, Enter You

This past Friday, I did as promoted here and took part in the open mic at Titillating Tongues. I also stated in that promotion post what original selections of mine that I would be doing. One of them was an a cappella song entitled, "Enter Me, Enter You".

"Enter Me, Enter You" was written as a happy ending to the poem I posted about a week ago addressing the drug use during sex play that seems rampant in the gay community. That poem was entitled, "Run From The Fun".

Once I arrived to the venue, I was told that because of another event at the venue, only acoustic music would be allowed in our part. Since my song is a cappella, I hoped that would not be a problem for me. Wrong. For it meant my CD with the a cappella background vocals and finger-snaps could not be played. So I had to improvise by having the audience snap along to the rhythm I started of. There was no need for a tantrum on my part. For I just sucked it up to the fact that such curve-balls build character as a performer. Making you better equipped to handle things when all doesn't go according to plan.

So this video is not of that performance. That video should be coming soon. Instead, the video below is one I quickly made up to show you what the song is really supposed to sound like. So please enjoy. :-)

Friday, November 9, 2012

Run From The Fun

The stigma of there being massive drug use in the gay community was once believed to be due to gays needing to escape from the shame brought on by society for them being gay. After all, drug and alcohol abuse are known tools of escapism, so it makes sense.

Well, in the last couple of years, a lot has changed. Gays are more accepted in society and the mainstream media. In the United States, not that I care so much, but our own recent Election Day saw gay marriage become legal in 4 more states. Also, celebrities who rightfully kept the public guessing their sexual orientation have now revealed their homo- or bisexuality. So with such progress in acceptance, and less need for shame, why is drug and alcohol abuse still so rampant, maybe even growing in the LGBT community?

My suspicions that it's actually growing arose from my noticing how it's gotten bad to the point that drug addiction and alcoholism it is now playing part in gay porn videos thanks to sites like Fraternity X. Sure, some of you might look at the animated gifs and  say, "Oh, it's just weed." But maybe you need to look further.

For add to that the fact of how some of their video descriptions specifically talk of how the guy in the scene was "partying", which we all know means drug use. Even if we don't see it, the mention of that word "partying" says to us crystal meth, cocaine, or some other drug besides marijuana is being used heavily to motivate the sex play. Now if drug use hasn't grown in the community, then porn scenes like ones from sites like Fraternity X are only solidifying the stigma that I've seen firsthand to be true --- of how many porn actors really are drug abusers and alcoholics.

In any case, for some gays, whether it's marijuana, crystal meth, cocaine, extacy, k, heroine, some other drug, some kind of alcoholic drink, or even poppers, one or more of these are not just an occasional sex play "helper". Instead, they're a requirement for their every sex play, which lessens their worth to me. And don't hate me for saying it. Because if you thought more of yourself, and the quality of the sex you were having, you wouldn't be doing any it trying to call it an "enhancer".

After this and my documented encounters with drug abusers and alcoholics, this all made me more so than ever put my foot down as to what I will and will not tolerate from a sex partner, or life partner in regards to drug and alcohol abuse. So now that you know the backstory, please take heed of:

Since so few people seem to have such rules in play for themselves, that makes this poem very necessary. So for the sake of the LGBT community erasing that stigma of us all being drug abusers and alcoholics ashamed of ourselves and our sex play, please pass this poem around, so the words can inspire more and more of us to live by its message. Thank you.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

F**k Me With Your Eyes,....Then Enter

Back near the end of May, I was a featured performer in an erotica salon called Titillating TonguesSince my performance was so well-received, I have been wanting to go back to possibly debut other new material via their open mic slots.

Well, I finally have some things I'm comfortable taking there. I have written a poem and a song that I am very much looking forward to debuting not on my blog, but before a live audience. And if you're in New York City on November 16th, I very much hope that you can be there to hear them. Bringing the great support you've shown me via cyberspace into the real world.

For one, my poem,

I will be debuting this poem at the next Titillating Tongues. Using erotica, it will address being courted by a guy "on the down low".

Also, I will be debuting a song a cappella that is a happy ending to my poem, "Run From The Fun". A song entitled,
"Enter Me, Enter You"

It is an open mic, so you never know who will take the mic before or after me. Maybe even YOU. Just know beforehand that you have 6 minutes to dazzle the audience with your erotic work if you do, and sign-up for the open mic starts at 7:00 PM, while the show starts at 8 PM. But whether you participate as a performer, or an audience member, if past experience is any indicator, you can be sure that the trip will be something worth your while.

The cover charge is $10. No drink minimum to my knowledge. So get your tickets in advance, especially if you want to guarantee yourself a slot in the open mic. Just click on the event's logo, or the link below it.

The Gallery at LPR (Le Poisson Rouge)
Downstairs Gallery Bar
158 Bleecker Street
New York, NY 10012

Friday, November 16, 2012 

Open Mic sign-up - 7:00 PM

Show - 8:00 PM to 10:00 PM

I hope to see you there.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

You Can Say Never

This past Labor Day, I reconnected with someone I had talked to online. This led to 3-weeks of dating that I am now quite annoyed to have invested my time in.

What was wrong? In short, he was 3 things in someone I'm against being with.
Pretentious. Hypocritical. Stereotypical of his race.

How so is explained after the poem, thereby explains some lines you might find troubling or not quite get.

He said that what I do reflects on him, which is true. So he has a problem with my studio-based porn past, and he disapproves of my using the notoriety from it to springboard to my future like I am. But if you can't support me embracing my past, and how it has enabled the road to my goals of addressing social woes, then you are not man enough to be with me. Mainly because you are not man enough to even be YOU.

For one's past can lead to the roads and standards that take us to our present. Therefore, we must not run from them, but instead embrace them, whether they are flawed judgments on our part or not.

He even had what some would call naivete, but because of this technological age, I say stupidity to suggest I try erasing my porn past. My own computer-illiterate mother knows that even if I wanted to, erasing my porn past is IMPOSSIBLE.

If it's one thing I loath to be in the presence of, it's hypocrisy. And the downward slope with this guy continued when one of our talks resulted in him saying to me, "I'm a good guy. I'm a wholesome guy."

With this I wanted to scream, "YOU FUCKIN' HYPOCRITE!!!"

For my tight-as-a drum memory immediately went to how during sex, his dirty talk consisting of asking me if I like taking his "big white dick", when for me, it's not about taking his "big white dick". Instead, for me, it's about simply taking "his dick", regardless of color or ethnic origin. I also recalled one conversation of him mentioning how he partied and wound up at the sex party space that I'm proud to have been banned from. People who are truly "wholesome" don't do such things.

Now, if you were wondering why I posted this Facebook status update on October 14th, now you know:

Normally, I wouldn't tell this much personal business of someone I'm dating. Even with all my talk about sex, intimate details of my relationship partner would not so easily be put on display for all to read. But as you can see for me thus far, and with the following point, lines were crossed. That's why he was someone I was dating - past tense. So now, my self-imposed confidentiality clause due to courtship (then relationship) is null and void.

Stereotypical of his race
Now, this point explains mainly the 2nd stanza, and if you're close-minded to what I have to say already, it will offend you. Anyway, depending upon your race and ethnic background, there is a way of thinking taught to us that gives way to stereotypes. Such as White American culture teaches to be more book-smart, while Black American culture teaches to be more street-smart, meanwhile Asian, Latino, and other cultures teach that in coming to America to be submissive to Whites, etc. I personally have no interest in anyone Black, White, Asian, Latino, Middle Eastern, etc. who lives a life governed heavily by these rules of their racial/ethnic cultures. There is a middle ground for all of these thought processes, and that is what I try my best to live by. And the fact that few others do is not only the reason why I'm single, but also why I have a small group of people I call "true friends".

Anyway, in regards to this guy, his thinking was too stereotypical of White culture. And while I was brought up with Black culture, my entire family for generations has been taught to find the middle ground. Hence why we all excel to the praise (and chagrin) of many with whatever we're meant to do. But he expected otherwise of me because of his Midwestern White American upbringing.

A stereotypical White American is intimidated by a Black person, or any person of color showing book-smart intelligence. It's the reason why Blacks who show any book-smart intellect are not placed front and center in the media (gay media more than mainstream media is notorious for this). So these kinds of Whites repeatedly try to one-up you since as a Black person, you're not sticking to "the program" of being all about your "street-smarts". You're a Black person that took the time to empower yourself more so by listening and reading as well. And while they say they applaud you, to the stereotypical White American, that wider spectrum of knowledge is scary. Hence this guy's lack of support for my blogging insinuating that my venting helps no one, as well as his constant need to unnecessarily edit my correct words. Even though he said that he has an "infatuation with guys from the other side of the tracks". His exact words, I am not even paraphrasing.

At first I paid that statement no mind. But now, looking back on his condescending behavior, I now take great offense to that. Because YES, I'm Black. YES, I'm from the ghetto. And YES, I'm come from stereotypical things. But look how I've made myself NOT be so obvious of that. But meanwhile, his pretentiousness, his hypocrisy, and his sexual shame is more than a tad indicative of the stereotype of where he comes from.

You all know me to be well-spoken. That's why some of you have been such loyal readers over my years of blogging. So if you haven't already, by now you understand my annoyance that led to the above poem and its title.

With all of this, in our parting phone conversation, 2 things I recalled saying to him:
1) that if he wants to continue his "infatuation with guys from the other side of the tracks", that he needs to not talk to them like they're stupid. And
2) A question that he should have asked himself before trying to pursue a relationship with me. That question being: What if I tried staying with him, became successful with what I'm trying to accomplish by being sexually open, how would he feel? And not just more successful by way of notoriety, because I already surpass him that way. But financially more successful as well.

His response was, "More power to ya."

From a male perspective, we know that's another crock of shit said like a politician to avoid the truth. Because any male knows that it's hard enough on the male ego to have a significant other surpassing you in their happiness in their job path. It's even worse when you add to that a better financial state. And worst of all is when you add to those 2 variables how it's by way of doing something you don't even support. This would breed the relationship-killing emotions of envy and resentment.

So with all that in mind, am I pissed? I think the poem more than shows ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY!

However, not just at him. But also at myself. For giving that much of my time, and even my body to someone like that. For someone like this needs to be left alone so that they finally get their wake-up call. Before someone comes along who doesn't use poetry as their release to stay sane as I do, and responds to his ways in a more violent fashion.

And with hopes of him getting that wake up call, I am sending this to him. Now, whether or not he reads it, and takes heed of it,...that's on him.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

F**king It Deep In Here

A few months ago, I made contact with a cute little Latino bottom online. We kept trying to get together to no avail. Then one night as I was going to attend a Hot Milk sex party, I hit him up to see if he was free, and if so, invited him to attend. He wasn't sure if he could make it. But as it turned out, he showed up at the party after all. We played there, but not without the often unwanted hands touching on both of us. Not good since it made me lose my hard-on, which of course is no good for a guy topping. Since then, we have tried to get together, but the scheduling conflicts arose again on both our parts. So when I recently got a text from him wanting to plan some fun on an afternoon that I just happened to be free, needless to say I wanted to get some 1-on-1 time before considering accommodating his insatiable booty, and maybe making it into a tag-team or gangbang scenario.

When he texted me, my initial thought was to suggest recording it. I even set up my webcam for it. But I never suggested any of that. I instead decided to just bask in the fun, and have it as a good memory. So imagine my delight when after about more than 30 minutes of various positions of me alone fucking his hot ass and him fucking only my dick, he suggested taking a picture of it.

Since I don't have that kind of equipment, I just turned on the webcam, decided to get a screencap later, and went back to fucking his ass and him fucking my dick. But at least there is no sexual denial, no sexual hypocrisy, no sexual shame, no sexual degradation of partners in this video. So it wasn't like the videos from Corbin Fisher, Sean Cody, Cocky Boys,,, etc. Videos that dumb-asses are paying money for just to hear time-wasting yapping and oral play that lead to 50% or less of the video showing assess and dicks getting fucked. This video gives you anal sex from the moment you press "PLAY":

To those that have an issue with this being a video of me having bareback sex, I'd advise you to check yourself.

Because in this video:
Am I being disrespectful to my bottom like in most studio-based porn today?
While I am being a top, am I being a top playing into the racial stereotypes of Black guys that in 2012 is still being reinforced by studio-based porn by being abusive, overly-aggressive, therefore over-compensating?
And lastly, have I ever denied having bareback sex, or spoke badly of it?

The answer to all 3 of those questions is a loud echoing NO!
A NO that screams louder than the hypocritical sacks of shit led by head hypocrite, Chi Chi LaRue in his "Shut Your Hole" video. In fact sadly, unlike those in studio-based porn, my behavior and the fact this video was made at all shows that my bottom has a voice. And I acknowledge it because he's a human being.

So with all that, I hope you enjoyed the video. And have your own fun void of sexual denial, degradation, hypocrisy, or shame. ;-)

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Write That Down #45

Last week, I posted that I was debuting a new poem at a Titillating Tongues open mic this coming Tuesday night. Unfortunately, that event has been cancelled, hence the removal of that blog post.

Through animated gifs, I gave a clue of what the topic of the poem was. If you haven't figured it out, the poem addresses the drug use in the gay community. I will debut the poem and also a song to accompany it to make it a complete story at some point. Maybe here, maybe at the rescheduled Titillating Tongues, or maybe at some other open mic night.

Anyway, anyone who knows me personally, or has read this blog for any length of time, knows of my experiences with drug abusers, alcoholics, my own experimentation, and how it all has now led me to keep such people at a distance. And if they are allowed in my circle on any intimate level, they are just a rare fuck-buddy at best.

Add to that how I'm still remembering the guy I was dating a few weeks ago whom another more explained backstory and poem you should be on the lookout for. Because he took issue with my being so open about sexuality.

All this combined made me come to realize why neither of these kinds of guys are man enough to be in my life for the long haul. With that said, it's been awhile, but my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:

For those who can't read it or enlarge it, it says:

Owning my sexuality and standards makes problems not for myself, but for others. For:

1) someone with shame over their sexual practices can't handle my openness about my sexual behavior. And;
2) someone who drinks heavily or uses drugs can't deal with me because I know they are a coward about some aspect(s) of their life. Otherwise, they wouldn't be doing the drugs and/or drinking so much in the first place.

Either way, neither are man enough to handle me. For being with me means they have no place to hide their shame and/or cowardice.

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