Thursday, March 25, 2010

Gimme Sex On 31 For 39

As March 31st comes closer, I'm thinking more and more about some of the things I would like for a birthday present. Well, a job offer to do one of the many artistic things I love to do would be nice, because those 7 years as a Mail Clerk at Kenyon & Kenyon LLP were really starting to piss me off. OR a nice boyfriend, because the guy I was recently seeing quickly showed himself to be another emotionally unstable lazy ass. Those things are no so far-fetched, but a bit out of reach at the moment, so in the meantime, let me focus on something more accessible, and more SEX.

Let's face it, sex is very accessible. Many of us have phone numbers of guys and girls who are often ready, willing, and able to give us some ass when we want it. And like practically any male animal, I want some crazy hot sweet sweaty sex for my birthday.

That's right, I said it!

What man doesn't want getting laid as one of their birthday presents? Now, don't be so shocked that I once again spoke aloud the truth that you're thinking in silence. Because as I get older, I seem to be getting bolder.

Anyone who knows me personally and reads this blog are well aware that there are many possible ways to sexually please me for my birthday.But here are a few suggestions:

1)Someone can hook-up a get together where that double penetration I've been craving (and almost had at the NYJP/GBU party) will finally come to fruition;
2)A bisexual 3-way;
3)Someone will surprise me with an ethnically diverse group of studs to make me a bottom in an international gangbang. Now, if someone sets that one up, be sure to bring a camera so we can be the ones to bring back a time when porno movies were actually worth buying.

If by some chance nothing happens on March 31st when I hit 39 years young, I do know that I'll be getting some the day after my birthday since there is an NY Jock Party happening April 1st that I plan to attend. Plus, I'll be getting in for 1/2 price since that is their rule for parties if they fall on the day before, of, or after your birthday ----Yippee!!!! So I know that night I'll either be making up for what I missed on my birthday, or taking my sex drive into extra innings....and outings. Maybe I can have my international gangbang there starting with the clothes-check guy and the bartender.

And yes, come 2:57 AM Wednesday morning, I will be 39. Now look what a life without abusing drugs can do for you. Because as you can see I'm walking down a road that will have me with the looks and sexual energy bound to make me become a young-looking, dirty old man....and I LOVE IT!!!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Seeking The Silver In The TIM Dim Cloud

At the end of February, I was attempting to make a brief return to porn. The studio was Treasure Island Media where in one email  to describe the shoot said they were "treating it like a paid audition" with a group of 5 or 6 guys who were all versatile and ready, willing and able to flip-fuck - and it was a total bust. I can't speak for the others, but for me, I could not perform with someone's body odor reeking in the room. Especially when we were instructed to wear deodorant. As far as I knew, this was not supposed to be a bear shoot where stench is looked upon as a badge of honor. Yet instead of the director telling the person with the body odor to either "hit the showers, or hit the road", we all had to try to endure that stench, which intensified as the heat in a hotel room rose because of NO AIR CONDITIONING.

This is why if I make an official return to porn, I'm sticking to my rule of knowing my scene partner beforehand, because I let that rule slide once since making it, and look what happens! Had I known this guy would be there I would have probably bailed on the idea of working with him, because I've worked with that guy before at a live appearance, and seen him at parties, and body odor was something I experienced EVERYTIME while being near him. I would go into greater detail about this, but that's not the main idea of this post. That was the bad part of the backstory that I thought would lead to the good part of that day.

The good that I thought came of it was when me and one of the other guys on the set,  Aandré hit it off - from the moment we saw each other. As soon as he saw me, he started making out with me, and I wasn't going to complain, because I felt the magnetism as well.

Being the shy guy that I am, before the attempt at shooting began, we were exchanging glances, and once the shooting began, we were not only the 1st to fuck, but the 1st to flip-fuck. However, as I mentioned before, the smelly guy's body odor was killing my hard-on. Once the director ended the shoot, Aandré invited me back to his place to pick up where we left off on the set.

We did pick up where we left off. That night, the sex was HOT AS FUCK. But we didn't get to the sex right away that night. We talked - alot, and this became our way everyday that week. We grew so close, so fast that I wound up living there for practically a whole week. This led me to feel that this was the silver lining in the dark cloud that was the Treasure Island shoot.

In those talks, he revealed to me that he was an escort, and has been for some time. He also revealed that he didn't want to do it much more if he was to be with me, and I was open to trying a relationship, be it monogamous or open. I must admit to having more misgivngs about dating an escort than I would a porn actor. It's because as I've stated repeatedly about the difference between the 2 sex occupations. Porn actors are supposed to have an attraction to their scene partners, while escorts don't have to, which actually makes it that much more of a mental strain on them. This furthers their need to be detached, which is unhealthy for the mind and body. Now for an entire week and a half, Aandré made it clear he wanted to be attached to me instead. So much so that he didn't even want to see any of my movie scenes, and I was willing to be with him while he continued escorting.

What happened in that week and a half?
Aandré had a call with a client. The moment that happened Aandré's upbeat mood did a complete 180 degree change, with all desires for his future that he conveyed to me dying in that moment, and yet to be resurrected. So in short, me and Aandré only lasted 10 days. An intense 10 days, but only 10 days nonetheless. 10 days that made me feel that the dark cloud that was the Treasure Island shoot broke the rule of how "every dark cloud has a silver lining". For this cloud now seemed to have none.

You would think this would make me heartbroken, but the truth is I'm more disappointed. And above all disgusted by his presence for wasting my time. For while I try to look at every one as an individual, between my failed hook-up with Jason White and now a failed romance with Aandré, I'm starting to re-think looking at escorts as individuals, and say that they are all cut from the same cloth - the dirty cloth of empty emotions.

That cloth I speak of is that of how there is something in an escort's life that they are not dealing with - an emotional wall that they refuse (and in some cases, are too cowardly) to take down. The misfortune is when they bring this mindset into a relationship, platonic or romantic. They're emotionally detached people who can only appear to thrive when they are amongst others who also live a life of detaching themselves. All other people are kept at a distance, and anyone in the mental health field will tell you, this is a self-destructive life.

To explain to me one of the reasons he escorts, Aandré once said, "It allows me to treat people like shit, because I can't treat you like shit."

I'm not being sarcastic in saying this, but I would hope that a good psychiatrist would ask him the same question I was too shocked to ask him at the time in response to that statement. That question being----What in your life (namely your past) would make you purposely take a job that makes you treat people like shit?

Therefore, while André said to me that he's not boyfriend material because of his escorting, I'm realizing NO ESCORT IS BOYFRIEND MATERIAL. For to knowingly take a job that makes you treat people like shit, because the johns treat you like shit makes you treat others like shit that you claim to love and/or care for. So you make yourself part of an ugly cycle of disrespectful behavior. The sad thing about Aandré is that he's been escorting for almost 20 years. I say this to point out, he's not getting any younger, so when is he going to take himself out of that ugly cycle and make himself not only boyfriend material - but emotionally attainable. He needs to man-up and deal with his issues of his past. And my loyal readers know that I practice what I preach by saying this, just as I documented on this blog my overcoming my racism towards other Black men, among other things.

In response to Aandré saying that he's not "boyfriend material". I told him that just the fact that he can say that shows that he has the potential to change it, but he's just too lazy to do the work on himself to make that needed change happen. And because he won't make that change, Aandré, other escorts, and the many who live such detached lives as well are all destined for loneliness that includes drug use (prescription and/or illegal) to escape the pain of that loneliness.

At this point, I have a life worth living to proceed with, and I don't, can't and won't care beyond writing this post to show my concern. Any other action holds me back to progressing just like Aandré is doing to himself right now by being in this escorting "game", especially at his age. So Aandré's 180 degree turn has now justifiably sparked my 180 turn in my empathy.

I was hoping that maybe I could take Aandré along on my journey of growing with me, but he is now just another existence who let me down. Because of his emotional instability, he's another Danny. Luckily, while Danny took years for me to realize I was wasting my time, I used that as a lesson. Hence why with Aandré, it was less than 2 weeks.

So as you can see, nothing good came of that day. Lousy protocol for a porn shoot, and I left with a lousy excuse for a man.

Or did some good come of it after all?

Maybe, just maybe some guy escorting will stop being in denial and realize that they are living the life of detachment by reading this post they'll see the sadness that is Aandré mirrored in their own life. Maybe this post will make them realize how contemptuous they are making their existence to be to where no one of value will want them, and they will man-up, and start the hard work and face the trials to make themselves worthy of someone of value.

If this is the silver lining in this dark cloud, even with the aggravation fate put me through to expose it....I say THANK GOD FOR IT.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Peppermint's "Excuse My Beauty"

Destiny must have known!

Another one of the non-porn projects I was involved in before deciding to officially retire from porn has come to light. First released was Empulse's video for "Fight The People (With Love)", now comes me being one of the extras in Peppermint's video for the single, "Excuse My Beauty". I'm actually the guy at the front of the line in  the beginning of the video.

That long trenchcoat that I'm wearing has become famous to the point that I've been called either "Neo", "Morpheus", or "Blade". It also had Jeff, one of the coat-check guys at The Cock once say to me, "Some people you know by their drink. You, I know by your coat."

With that in mind, anyone who knows that coat will notice me - but if you blink, you'll miss me.

For such a small part, I was present to see a great deal of this video being filmed. Along with standing outside HK Lounge where I was a wanna-be party-goer, I was also origanlly at Splash Bar seeing the dancers start in tuxedos, then ending in street clothes,
and seeing the girls hating on Peppermint,

 - I was there to see all of that. So being as interested in the inner-workings of things as I am, it's interesting to see how all that I saw that day finally came together.

So what's next for me to pop up in? With me, you never know ;-)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

NYC Gay Parties...Over- and Under-

As I've tried to overcome my indecisiveness about going to The Black Party, I finally came to a decision....

...I am NOT going to The Black Party.

My decision came to me while talking my friend Anthony's ear off (again) about my indecisiveness. Then he mentioned how a lot of people he talked to weren't going. While the main reason for their stand was not the same as the racial issue I addressed in "Rites XXXI: Right Choices For Me?", the reasons they mentioned was one I was also considering ----the price.

I mean what are YOU getting for all that money? You still have to pay for drinks. You still have to pay for clothes check. You're still getting sex which you can get at a sex party that has open-bar and $1 clothes check that you pay anywhere from $20 - $40 for (which is where I'll be going). So in short, to answer my own question, what you're getting more is....NOT A GODDAMN THING. In fact, you're getting less.

In that conversation with my friend Anthony, we also realized that New York City overcharges for many of its parties in gay nightlife. So everyone ends up being overcharged, if you're not a racist pig, you will find the parties over-light, therefore you'll find people of a darker complexion or certain ethnicty to have the beauty of who they are under-appreciated.

If you are going to The Black Party, be safe, have fun, and keep what I've say here in your head so that you make a better decison in the future.

And if you're one of the NYC gay nightlife promoters (be it The Black Party or any other gay party), then take heed of what I'm saying here, so I don't have to be this brutally honest again. Because you may think I enjoy calling you people out on your greed and racism, but the truth is that I want us to love and mix each others' cultures and colors in all that we do, so I don't enjoy this. So until you catch up to the high level of thinking as those who share my desire for togetherness, I must take this stand.

If I decided to go to The Black Party, I would only be going to see if my suspicions of "overcharged, over-light performers, and under-appreciated races" were correct, and I don't feel confirming myself as being correct is worth $95 -$150 out of my pocket. So after taking all these things into account, I feel a great deal of solace with my decision to not go. My decision makes me no longer have to worry about whether or not I'm being a hypocrite and betraying my stand against the racism of NYC gay party promoters. So once my decision was made, I realized I wasn't.

For the serenity I now feel over my decision, this is not an angry post. I am doing what I have always done with my blog - not call it like I see, but call it like it is.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Write That Down #13

I have often said here the words "nigger" and "faggot" using both of them in a negative light. The reason for my using them can be explained in my next quote for my "Write That Down" category:

Just as Chris Rock once said in a comedy special, "There are Black folks, and there are niggers", I agree and add that there are gay men, and there are faggots. The 1st in both cases are great to be. However, the latter in both cases are actually one and the same---blights on humanity.

For this reason, I don't take well to being called "nigger" or with the friendly hip-hop meaning and spelling "nigga", NOR do I condone being referred to as "faggot" by another homosexual. I've heard many a gay party host say the word as a greeting, and I don't approve. In fact, I usually give them a glare and lackluster clap to show my disapproval.

Now to that person who once criticized me in the comments of how I shouldn't be using those words. First of all, this is MY blog, and if I use a negative word in a negative light, unless I make a statement that one can give undeniable proof that I am incorrect, then you need to shut the fuck up, and know your place.

While I'm being a bit serious right now, I'm going to make you LAUGH tomorrow while I'll be using one of those words again. Until then....

Thursday, March 4, 2010

2 3-Ways, 1 Week, #1 - Straight's 1st Gay Poke

Continuing my countdown to the best 3-way of that week, it was the night of the last snowstorm to hit NYC. The snow fell during the day, and it wasn't as bad as some predicted, but it was enough to keep some from venturing out who were naive enough to believe that was really a snowstorm.

I was in the mood to go out, but didn't know exactly where. I then got a text message from a trick I hadn't heard from in awhile. He invited me out to meet him where he was, which was Barracuda. I met him there, then we bar-hopped from there to Phoenix, a friend of his arrived later, and then I decided to go to check out the asses at the Ass Wednesday contest at The Urge. My trick said he would most likely meet me there later.

There was a small crowd at The Urge, and when approached about entering the Ass Wednesday contest, I decided with such a small crowd, maybe the racism won't be so rampant, so why not give it another shot. It turns out that the racism was there, but by some miracle, I won anyway. And the runner-up was a cute White guy with a hot ass.

After the contest, I went to the bar, and wound up sitting next to the runner-up. He congratualted me again on my win, and started a conversation with me. It turns out he's a dancer (my loyal readers know that's a weakness) . He invited me to a dance workshop he was participating in, and he began a long philosophical conversation with me with him doing most of the talking. After quite a long time into it, he told me that he was straight.

Yes, you read correct - straight. And his whole routine of playing to the crowd and poking out his hot dancer's butt was just him being a performer, and giving the crowd what they wanted. By the time he revealed his heterosexuality, I was listening close with him constantly grazing me, which gave me the nerve to slowly stroke his side in return, but he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he was so into his conversation that he let his friend who was with him leave without him so he could continue talking to me.

He did get more in depth to explain his considering himself "straight". He said that he's pretty open sexually, but romantically speaking, he's straight. However, that sexual openess has never had him have anal sex with a guy before. I did understand his explanation, because it's the opposite of what I say with my bisexuality. For I have had and can still have sex with a woman, but nothing more than lust will be my motivation, but it is a man who can get the combination of lust AND my loving heart.

My trick did eventually make it to The Urge. I lost him various times, and figured by now, he had gone home. It turned out that he didn't. He came to me and the straight guy and invited us back to his place. The straight guy asked if my friend had any kind of "party favors", and my friend said he did. So off to my trick's place we went.

My trick and the straight guy did a couple of lines of cocaine. And I will admit, in my constant curiosity as to why people do drugs, I did do a couple of lines as well. And since my curiosity was as satisfied as it needed to be, so I was done with cocaine. Because while they may have a need to escape their lives, I don't. Therefore drugs serve me no purpose. My trick and the straight guy however did more. Soon after, we all started getting naked, and going down on each other. Mainly me and the straight guy, because I later realized my trick's idea for bringing us back to his place was more about him watching me and the straight guy fuck, than it was about him being part of a 3-way.

I wasn't the least bit high as far as I could tell except for my lack of a hard-on like everyone else in the room. I can still recall all of my actions, and cannot sight one thing out of character for me except my taking in the drugs in the 1st place. So once we took the nakedness into my trick's bedroom, because of my experimental dose of coke (for all I know, I didn't even snort it properly) I quickly got back my hard-on. So I had the cock everyone wanted to play with, which led the straight guy to ask my trick if he wanted me to fuck him. My trick said yes, so I got a condom and pounded my trick for a good bit. My trick and I then looked over to see the straight guy was slowly getting hard from watching us. So I knew it was my ass that was going to be sacrificed to engulf the straight guy's thick cock.

I knew I wasn't topping the straight guy, not only because he said so, but because I didn't want to, so I wasn't even going to suggest trying it. Because I wanted to see if he was as sexually open as he claimed, and if I could be the man to finally get him to go all the way with this sexual openess that he claimed to have, and possess the 1st guy's hole that he pokes - even for a little bit.

Well ladies and gentlemen----MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

I did get to to feel his hard cock inside me, but it didn't last long. Later on we tried again. This go-around, he said, "You're hot as fuck, but you're just the wrong gender."

I strongly doubt that. I think the cocaine still had a hold on him. But over time, it was starting to lose its hold, which is why the 2nd try of him fucking me lasted longer and more intense than the 1st.

After seeing how far the straight guy came by making me his 1st gay fuck, my trick and I jerked off, and then all 3 of us fell asleep.

When I woke up that morning, it was only me and the straight guy in the bed. I actually got out of bed, looked around for my trick to discover he left us in his apartment all alone. I got back in the bed, and took some advantage of the situation. I knew the only reason the straight guy came to my trick's place was because he had cocaine - something to free his inhibitons of the experience that he wanted to have with me.  So I felt with my trick gone, the straight guy would be more at ease. So in taking some advantage, while the straight guy was sleeping on his side, I started feeling him up by massaging his ass, then started playing with his cock. He started to turn over onto his back so I could do more, and I started sucking his cock. His cock got so fuckin' rock hard, if I thought to take full advantage I would have put a condom on him, straddled him, and rode his cock until he filled it full of his man-milk. Instead, he filled my mouth with his man-milk as his muscles in his dick's shaft contracted from me sucking his dick. I didn't swallow, but to go that far proves that I am the cum-pig that I said I am.

Please do not misunderstand this post. After all the noise I've made about gay-for-pay, I am by no means being a hypocrite and advocating recruiting straight men. I am not Jet Set Men's Chris Steele (who I hope has gotten off that subject of seducing straight guys by now). Every action done between me and that straight guy was an action that he knowingly put himself in the position to make happen, and was OK with letting happen. And because of that willingness, I have no problem with the outcome, except for the drug use involved to make him do it....but that's another blog entry.

For I don't need drugs or alcohol to have sex with a woman and revel in the small part of me that is straight. Yet it took alcohol and drugs to make this guy explore his gay side. Therefore, it's fair to assess that he's not all that comfortable with his bi-sexuality or bi-curiosity, but it's not my job to push that fact upon him. That's something he must come to terms with himself in due time. Which is why I never corrected him when he said that he doesn't kiss guys, yet he kissed me twice. Not open mouth, but still----our lips met. So as far as I'm concerned, I'm totally comfortable with him calling himself "sexually open", but romantically speaking, he's "straight".

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