For Anal: Ina Wave vs. Loki Wave

I have often said that the sex toy industry is quite often too gender-specific for its own good. Case in point, of the 8 sex toys I have reviewed for my Nude Dude Review, 4 - half of them are marketed to females. Yet, my male body got great enough pleasure from them that by the end of the video, I had stripped down to some very skimpy underwear.

This brings me to the target toys of this article. The Ina Wave, a rabbit vibrator marketed to females, and; The Loki Wave, a vibrating prostate massager marketed to males.

By my working at a sex shop when these 2 sex toys came out, I got my hands on both of them. Now, many would expect that as a male, I would favor the Loki Wave over the Ina Wave. Well, you would be quite wrong.

I actually prefer the Ina Wave. In fact, I have even said to co-workers and customers that to my body, the Loki Wave feels like a nice sex toy, but the Ina Wave...makes me feel like I have an actual guest.

Perhaps the slight difference in shape of the area that lays on my taint is a factor. I definitely know that the width of that part is a factor for me.

For when I and/or a playmate plays with my taint, I prefer a finger. Approximately the size of the external stimulator on the Ina Wave, which also reaches the right length along my taint. Meanwhile, the external stimulator on the Loki Wave is more suitable for someone who prefers fingers (plural), and at a longer length for their external stimulation, be they male or female. I know this from a discussion with a former female co-worker who said that she preferred the Loki Wave over the Ina Wave for her vaginal pleasure.

Also, when placed side by side, I found the Ina Wave can go a tad deeper inside than the Loki Wave. So that slighter depth plus that motion might very well land on my prostate in a way to be more stimulating. 

Even though this article has been a long time coming, I hope that the next time you consider buying one of the two, give the other a look. Because the one marketed to bodies of the opposite gender might actually be the one you're looking for. 

Trust me on this. Because remember, I have a history of discovering such things. 😉

Enter, Thrust, Throb, Cream + backstory

One beauty of having your own laptop keep in the solitude of your room is that you can be as much of a pervert about it as you want to be. Namely, through your wallpaper. For this is a screenshot of the wallpaper I had on my computer at the time my song "Enter, Thrust, Throb, Cream" came to mind.

It's a still from a NextDoor Studios scene in which Michael DelRay tops Scotty Zee. So that's Scotty Zee cute butt.

For me, sex is art. So while this photo does turn me on, I don't stop and jerk off to this pic. I turn on my laptop see the nature-created artistry of a cock inside a nice wanting ass, and get to work.

However, on one particular day, I got up to take a break from a project. In doing so, I closed the web browser and all open windows, leaving me to see just that wallpaper. Suddenly, a subconscious thought came to me. I can tell it was my subconscious because as it reached my conscious mind, its volume slowly increased. It was 4 words said rhythmically describing what was going on in the picture, and the result. I knew that because while I couldn't instantly figure out what the middle 2 words were, I knew the first word was "Enter" and the last was "Cream" - 2 words I use very often when describing the process of sex.

As I thought more about it, I realized the other 2 words were to describe actions that fascinate me during sex. Knowing how I've always been fascinated how penetrative sex is a simple thrusting back and forth that brings one so much euphoric physical pleasure, it should be no surprise how the next word was "Thrust". Followed by the next fascinating thing during sex is the various times a guy's cock will throb as he's getting closer and closer to orgasm and ejaculation. Making the other word "Throb".

With the words now set in their rhythm, next came describing each word's part in sex from the entering of the penis to the ejaculation(s) that often concludes it. And this is the end result a cappella:

SEX.... Never Lose Its Fascination

Sex has always been an interesting subject to me.

Looking back to being a grade school child when I learned exactly what sex is; then starting to masturbate, which gave me some idea of how great sex feels to the body; then as I got older, even as a virgin, learning sex was a beautiful and powerful thing. Such a powerful thing that it can create life. Then once I finally experienced it for myself, I further understood that power. Seeing how while I already knew that when done right, sex can create life in a physical state, I also saw how it can create life in a spiritual state as well. But I additionally saw how when done wrong, it can be just as easily end those states of life. So the older I get, the more I understand how we have to respect that power and not take it lightly. And I try to educate people to do the same.

Just the outward simplicity of sex... simple back and forth motions. Causing all those inward complexities of sensations throughout the body, effecting the mind, and changing lives. ALL OF THAT IS FASCINATING.

And as long as there is life to continue, it will never cease being fascinating. Especially among us human being. So I wrote a poem to talk about the never ending fascination that is sex. Enjoy.

Top Me, Bottom - an erotic poem

While I think this poem is self-explanatory, its lyrics might have gone over some readers' head.

The gist of it is that if a man says he's a bottom, no matter how much you might want his cock in your ass, don't pressure him about it. Much like I said in "How To Make A Versatile Bottom Top", let him know only once about your interest to have him top you, then leave the topic alone. Let circumstance bring him around if such is in the cards for him. And even if that never happens, take solace in the fact that you have masturbation to get off to the thought if it happening.

How Straight Are Males In Straight Porn Really?

I have long said that there is nothing wrong with fantasizing about sex with a straight male. Wrongdoing doesn't come until you try making that fantasy become reality by imposing gay advances upon that male professing to be heterosexual when he has shown no evidence of the contrary of his professed sexual orientation.

So what about straight male porn actors? For with many straight porn actors, there are instances in many of their histories and performances that expose evidence contrary to their displayed heterosexuality seen on screen. Such as:

Having A Gay Porn Past

I'm discovering more and more of the straight male porn actors I lust for actually have gay porn in their past. Of those in the above collage, 4 of them are just a few of many. And I'm not talking about a solo jerk-off scene here and there for a gay porn movie or website. No, I'm talking about them doing a full-on sex scene of them giving dick to a male's ass, or taking a male's dick in their ass to the point of busting a nut. Even making intense eye contact during the sex.

For your average Joe, I've long said that a "straight" guy having gay sex 3 times or more exposes his claim of being 100% straight a complete self-denial. With a straight porn actor who has had gay sex on camera, it's more like 2 times. For with any porn actor, there is a camera on you, can create performance anxiety in a male. So if he can get through such a sexual scenario more than once, those males are bringing upon themselves even more question as to how straight they are.

Double Vaginal or Double Anal Penetration Scenes
When I initially posted something addressing this topic on Facebook, someone tried to comment that same-sex skin to skin contact does not define sexual orientation. Well, if you're talking about one male putting a hand on another male's bare shoulder or knee, in that regards, that person was correct. However, when you are talking about a male's genitals rubbing or touching another male's private area, like bare dick to dick, bare dick to ass, or bare ass to ass rubbing, any of which having a clear erection present, that is when I must strongly disagree.

And to prove my point, I just discovered the 1st (Oliver Flynn) & 5th (Tyler Steel) male porn actors in a double-vaginal penetration scene. No limps dicks present.

For a male of sound mind maintains his penile erection by his penis being engulf by pleasurable materials. So if it's not 100% the texture of a vagina or rectum, then the texture of that other guys penis is adding to his stimulation. And knowing of that other guy's presence makes it clear that those 2 guys are not as heterosexual as they claim to be.


If any male in straight porn that you can name displaying these indicators was to ever try to dispute what I'm saying, then that denial should cause one concern. For it means 1) that those male performers are not thinking of their scene partners as human beings; therefore 2) the sex is void of a spiritual connection. And I have stated many times that any sexual tryst should have a spiritual connection if it's to be considered a healthy one. Even a one-time tryst, like that in filming a porn scene.

Some of these male porn actors might not want to be considered bisexual. If so, then perhaps he should consider an article I applauded on Medium. It stated how while many of us focus on sexual orientation, there is also romantic orientation. I applauded that article because it definitely explains my defining as a predominately gay bisexual. For I am sexually attracted to both males and females, but males way more than females. Add to that how I am strictly romantically attracted to males. I feel these male porn actors in straight porn who display the aforementioned indicators of sexual fluidity might be the exact opposite of myself. Romantically, they are all about females, but sexually a male can spark something in them. How and to what extent that sexual attraction to males manifests itself is his call though.

Case in point: While it has been some time since I last had my dick inside a cisgendered female's pussy, my attraction to a female is often displayed by me flirting with them. Males in straight porn have an even more available means of release of that sexual attraction. They are put in situations where they get a chance to get that occasional sexual attraction to a male out by way of physical sexual contact with a male.

With that said however, I do wonder how do the male performers with a gay porn past display that degree of gay after they have stopped doing gay porn. Do they flirt with males like I do females? Are they having tryst with males off-camera and not making it public? Or worse case scenario, are they denying themselves a physical means to satisfy that urge when their body and mind is not made for that satisfaction to be achieved without physical contact? My concern about that scenario is that it can lead to the violence of gay-for-pay porn actors that I addressed 11 years ago in "Denied Self Becomes Violent Self".

My pointing out these indicators is in no way meant to throw shade on them. I'm well aware that studio-based porn is a business, and these guys passing themselves off as being totally straight is part of that. I'm just pointing out how there are signs within their history and performances that show these males in straight porn are some level of bisexual just as many of their female counterparts seem to be. Even more obvious because of the penis being such an obvious indicator of arousal. Now, whether or not they choose to admit to those signs, that is something that only their own sexual conscience will revel in or bury.

In any case, my lusting eyes is hoping for the former.

Nude Dude Review - Atom/Plus

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The Real on Why I Hate Poppers

If you follow me on any form of social media, then you know that I have made it no secret of my great disdain for poppers. Well, it is one thing to have a disdain for something, but it becomes a stance of arrogance to refuse an in depth explanation for that stance.

Once at The Pleasure Chest, they had a sex-ed skill-share for people wanting to be sex educators. One of the required task was to make a 10-minute presentation on a sexual topic, to which other participants gave criticisms on your presentation. The topic I chose was “Popper-Free Anal Sex”. And while I took most of the criticism well, and was actually self-aware enough to know, one criticism was substance-abuse enabling, and capitalism-driven for a sex retail space willing to sell poppers.

I was told that my calling partakers of poppers ignorant was me shaming them.

I’m sorry, but I am supposed to think that I said something wrong? For I pride myself on seeing the big picture on a matter before speaking publicly about it. Plus, when I say anything against poppers, I am talking to adults. Adults who should know better than to intentionally hold a bottle mere millimeters away from their noses to sniff. Especially since that bottle houses amyl nitrates — a chemical that if ingested any more directly (like swallowing) can result in immediate (and possibly fatal) harm to the body. Such as this doctor’s quote from a Vice article shows:

“It is not thought that amyl leads to many long-term issues, but there are some short-term risks,” Dr Boylan says. “It is possible to develop an allergic reaction over time. Another rare but serious complication is methaemoglobinaemia, which means the blood becomes unable to carry oxygen. This can be life threatening, and it happens when a person swallows rather than inhales poppers.”

Am I really supposed to coddle adults who should have the common sense to figure out just a smidgen of this information?

Take note that the person who accused me of shaming was a cis female. She does not live with seeing this ignoring of common sense repeated in her community ad nauseum. Unlike me, who sees it repeatedly since the gayness in my bisexuality has me way more so in the gay male community. Hence why I made it my topic for that event.

I feel no wrong in shaming in this instance. For if a parent is any degree worthy of the title of “parent”, then there are instances in which teaching the difference between right and wrong requires shaming you for doing the wrong. Plus what other choice does one have when common sense is often met by many popper users with an addict's aggression to defend their drug of choice. So real educators, ones not marionetted by corporate bottom lines are left to pick up where too many "gay parents" have fucked up.

Before we go any further, know that I have survived over a decade of contemplating suicide because of not owning my orientation. I did not survive and endure all of those days and nights of angst to finally come out, bottoming, then delude myself into thinking I’d be cooler if I became a substance abuser by doing poppers. Hence why I make no secret as to how since my coming out, my enjoyment of anal sex has led to me being tag-teamed by beer-can thick dicks, double-penetrated (more than twice), practically gangbanged, and still get compliments on having a tight hole. All without poppers.

My dislike of poppers is more about me wanting what every person engaging in sexual intercourse should want — — to be the center of my sex partner’s attention.

If I’m to share my sex partner’s focus, I want it to be with another human being if we’re having group sex. I don’t like the idea of sharing that focus... with a bottle? A bottle as much as 35 times shorter than me and containing a harmful substance. So the frustration that has come through much of what I’ve written about poppers over time is my concern as to why more gay males don’t want the same for themselves. And gay males are already prone to self-esteem issues as an oppressed community. So the use of poppers in my eyes becomes an acting out over those issues.

Furthermore, when one encourages another to use them, they are encouraging that person to follow a path that is counterproductive to the ongoing fights for 1)being gay, and; 2) having anal sex considered a healthy sexual practice to celebrate sexuality.

I come at this matter with such veracity because I’ve been masturbating since I was about 10 years old. Eventually I realized that fondling of myself was me introducing my body to sexual stimulation. Well, from the pleasures I got from that fondling, then playing with my butt hole once I discovered gay male sex was usually anal, I felt if those pleasant sensations were so much as an inkling of what actual sexual intercourse felt like, then I wanted nothing, nothing, NOTHING to interfere with my brain receiving the messages of how much pleasure I was feeling. Nor did I want anything to interfere with me remembering what exactly I did to my body to achieve that pleasure, so I can pass on that information to my sex partner(s) if need be. Or who gave that pleasure to me.

I find it to be absolute insanity to allow anything to interfere with that sensation. To the point that I will not date a guy who does poppers. So while some white/light-complexioned guys treat medium/dark-complexioned guys as being “good enough for a lay, but not to stay”, that’s how I treat guys who do poppers. And I feel no shame about it. For at least my discarding of such guys is based on a health-conscious decision. A behavior they can change if they choose to. Unlike the aforementioned white/light-complexioned guys whose racism and colorism makes them discard you over natural traits like darker skin and almond-shaped eyes. Therefore, beyond your control.

I personally get highly offended when I either see online profiles of guys claiming how they “can suck dick all day by doing poppers”, or seeing the actual action at a sex party/backroom by a guy on his knees sucking every dick around him and interrupting his suck with a huff of poppers. What offends me is how such a guy is lying to himself about his love of oral sex. Anyone who claims to “need” poppers to better their endurance of oral sex is telling themselves a lie.

For I love giving blowjobs. If you put 5 hot guys in front of me with their dicks out, I’ll suck on their dicks so long that my jowls might look like those of Kanye West by the end of it. And I don’t need to huff on poppers to suck on them that long. My love of sucking dick, those guys’ sex appeal, and my ego about my oral prowess is all the drive I need.

I’m sure some feel that I owe no one this explanation. After all, the term “poppers” alone is illegal is some places because it shows illegal intent to use amyl nitrates by huffing. Even XTube is aware of this fact. Hence why I had to change the title in the description for my XTube video embedded in “Poppers! We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Poppers!” For XTube has outlawed the use of the word “poppers” on their site. Even if the purpose of the word is to eradicate poppers itself.

However, what motivates me to give this explanation is because poppers have so heinously infiltrated the gay male community, it is seeping into the anal sex lives of straight people as well… But by the misleading advice of gay males who were advised by the misled before them. So it is an ugly passing of a spiked baton showing that this substance abuse is an epidemic. One that a detailed explanation of one’s adversity to poppers might be one of the last stitch efforts to eradicate this interference to our anal-sex-loving lives.

With all this, am I bragging? In order to get the message through, YES.

So join me so that I will have no reason or right to brag. For doing such great sexual feats will instead become for all of us in the anal sex-loving community, a common place statement of being. Thereby making bragging become wasted breath. But right now, my bragging is still necessary.

Fuck Train Engine

In my blog article "Evolution of My Bottoming", I mentioned how the French guy I was with made me the front of a fuck train, while he was the center. And how he was such a skilled center in picking up the rhythm of the guy at the end (the caboose) that I could feel the fuck rhythm changed when that last guy entered. That made me also reminisce about a couple of 3somes I had with a hot couple in Harlem. And how I experienced the same shift of who was running the fuck rhythm because of them being that much of a sexually in-tuned couple.

With that said, as far as my sexual history goes, I have been the engine, the passenger car, and the caboose of a fuck train. However, my favorite part is being the front - the engine.

After a social media posting, I was reminded that there have been a number of misinterpretations of what a fuck train is. Mostly because guys hear a term, and don't properly investigate the exact details of its meaning..OR they make up a term just to so their male sexual ego can say they made something. This has led to many confusing a "fuck train" with the terminology of "running a train on" someone. I personally feel the term "running a train" is quite idiotic because it is already what is succinctly and more appropriately referred to as a "gangbang".

So I made this drawing to give a visual of what a fuck train is. As for the color of the bodies, it's my way of giving a big "FUCK YOU" to the narrow-minded perception bestowed on us by porn. For all of the fuck trains seen in porn make it seem that only white males are sexually adventurous enough to participate in a real fuck train.

Plus, a real pleasurable fuck train is only 3 bodies. Not 4 or more. These 2 pictures may look hot because of the vast number of men being sexually charged simultaneously counters so many forms of sexual represssion. However, in actuality, it's another stint of a porn director living vicariously through his performers. Telling them to do something that may look sexy optically, but is by no means pleasurable in real life. For the too many bodies make it is a ball of confusion.


Well, truth be told, my fuck train experiences have been pretty much the skin color scheme I drew. I was the front of the fuck train with the medium skin tone; the guy in me was lighter complexioned, and the guy who was the caboose has always been the darkest. This was never intentional. It just worked out that way. And I'm quite proud of it because the diverse skin tones show how being sexually adventurous is not a market cornered by one skin color.

With that said, I am well aware that I am not the greatest artist in the world. I've been drawing since I was in kindegarten, but fell off from improving my skill. However, I do maintain enough skill to make my drawings say what they need to say. And in this case, it is to say...

THIS IS A FUCK TRAIN.

Evolution of My Bottoming

Back in my porn days, during one of my too many visits to Lucas Entertainment, Michael Lucas asked me if I could cum while being fucked. I told him sometimes. Well, the fact is that was a lie... then.

It's quite rare that I lie, but one of the few times I do is when I'm giving answers about myself that are lies at the time, but will actually be my truth in the future. So the reason I tell the lie is not out of an intent to lie, but because I can foresee that future so clearly that I refuse to verbalize how it is untrue at that present time.

With that said, as much as I hate to lie and being lied to, what I know of Michael Lucas and my own history of dealing with him makes me feel no regret about that lie.

Especially since a recent trip to CumUnion made that lie about myself back then finally become my truth today.

My French playmate pounded away at me, and I realized that my dick was semi-hard. That is not unusual when I bottom. But I am never compelled to jerk off. I'm always about enjoying the dick, and letting that be where all of my sexual pleasure comes from. This time, I decided to go for it. As soon as I started jerking off, I could feel my physical orgasm coming. In fact, it grew in me slowly getting me to the point of ejaculation. And when it happened, I thought, "Oh my God, it's happening! HOW is this happening???".

I could feel the cum start oozing from my dick and onto the side of my finger. Then an even greater shock happened... I wasn't done.

I kept cumming. With the intensity of the orgasms growing, leading my cum load to grow as well. I surmise it was a cumload like the one from me playing with my SackJack.

However, even with that heightened intensity, I still wanted my playmate to keep his dick sliding back and forth in my ass tunnel. He did. And with not one single request to stop from me.


I have never been one who could masturbate while bottoming, then shoot a cumload. I could however do it while using an anal sex toy. With that, I always surmised that it was because, unlike with a human being, while using a sex toy, one doesn't have to focus on an actual human being's needs, desires, and in-the-flesh beauty for sexual fulfillment at that moment. But even without cumming from jerking off during sex, the sex still usually satisfied me. So I resolved myself to how the mental orgasm I spoke of in an article for Thotyssey is what I would always have with a guy.

I always wondered though that if and when I finally jerked off and came while bottoming if I was going to be one of those guys who once they orgasmed, would they end the sex. Thankfully, that was not the case.

This concerned me because as I have said before, if I'm getting good dick, I become an insatiable power bottom.

Keyword - INSATIABLE. Meaning keep going because their is no ending to this pleasure for me.

For I have always loved, loved, LOVED, LOVED  a hot guy's dick in my ass. Hating when the time comes that he has to take it out because life happens.

So I always feared a physical orgasm from my body's penile satisfaction while bottoming would make me go back on my word. Since the typical response to a male's penile orgasm includes an end to the sex. The mental orgasm I get knowing the pleasure my body is giving my sex partner allows the sex to continue.

We later sat cuddled together on the sofa upstairs. Just enjoying sharing a space with each other. I know it sounds romantic, even though it was a sex party. But that's the kind of energy I give off.

My sexual energy gives off my true view of sex - a physical and spiritual connection. Many gay males don't have the depth and/or maturity to handle that even at a sex party. If they're a top, their hard-ons are sparked by guys who they see as empty vessels to take their cock in. And if they're bottoms, they're holes widen for guys who they see as empty vessels who don't really care about in who they put their dicks. In any case, even if they talk to the person, such actions shows that they are drawn to someone who has less respect for their own humanity.

Anyway, we got so comfortable that neither one of us realized that we had both fallen asleep. We woke up because the party's host came upstairs to announce that the venue was preparing for Encore, the after-hours party held Fridays and Saturdays at Paddles. The host saw us on the sofa as he headed back downstairs. Teasing us by asking "When's the wedding?", because the last time my playmate was in New York, we met up at Paddles, and the host saw us cuddled together then as well. Like I said, I give off that kind of sexual energy, and a sweet few are deep and mature enough to embrace it.

Luckily, that nap re-energized us. We saw the after-hours crowd come in and be horny as fuck. We watched, but never got up from the sofa to get involved. I liked his naked skin against mine so I kept stroking his thigh, and occasionally kissing his chest as I leaned on it, and reached up to kiss his neck. The entire time, he kept stroking my shoulder and kissing on me.

Knowing he is inspired by watching people fuck, I started fondling his dick and balls, even before the after-hours crowd arrived. He was getting semi-erect before then. But once the after-hours crowd came in, he got harder, and harder.

What really sparked him into action was how while I was on my playmate's left, a Black guy was getting a blowjob to his right. The Black guy and my playmate started touching each other. The Black guy reached to include me, and I reciprocated by rubbing the smooth skin of his forearm, and reaching across my playmate so I could continue the travel of my hand to reach and massage the Black guy's shoulder.

This went on long enough that my playmate's dick got rock-hard and wanted to fuck my hole yet again. He was trying to include the Black guy by having the Black guy fuck him while he fucked me. You see, my playmate is actually quite skilled in a fuck-train. Hence the following tweet the following afternoon:

Thinking back to last night's @CumUnion NYC hosted by @MilkNYC, and how skilled my playmate is at being the center of a fuck-train.

He finds his top's fuck-rhythm, then copies it, so I (as his bottom) feel that same rhythm, but with his dick.

OMG!!! That Frenchman can fuck!!!!

— LeNair Xavier (@LeNairXavier) May 25, 2019

However, the Black guy never took my playmate up on the invitation. So it was just me and my playmate once again. That re-energizing nap led to my playmate thrusting into my ass for what must have been about an hour or more in various parts of Paddles. Eventually, he came inside me. I could feel the throbs of his cock as he let out his load. This was when I went back to a mental orgasm. Because at no point during that entire hour (or more) of bottoming did I stroke my cock. I was so turned on by his body in me and on me that I needed nothing else to stimulate me.

In any case, I'm thinking back on the pleasure of both Acts I and II. Learning I can now get off by both a mental and physical orgasm. This leads to new sexual information about my bottoming that I didn't know before.

So now, there is versatility within my versatility. 😉

Anal Muscle Memory - Trained, Gained & Maintained

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Evolution of My Topping

After losing my virginity in 2002, I was a total bottom for about 2 years. Always knowing that eventually I would become versatile, but for the moment, I was a total bottom, and okay with that. That is why I always tells customers in the sex shop to be patient with themselves for whatever their goal may be.

Once I started topping, I always said that after 2 years of being a total bottom that in my versatility I am a much better bottom than top. No matter what percentage of being a top or bottom I was, even when my versatility reached 50/50, and a good number of playmates praising me as a top, I still felt my skill set made me a much better bottom.

I recently had 2 encounters with which I saw myself becoming more confident in my topping skills. An evolution, if you will. The signs of this evolution might not seem obvious at first, but I will explain how so, and why it is for the better later.

The first incident happened at The Cock. I was behind a curtain, and this guy was sucking me off. Right next to me was a short hottie that I've played with before. As he watched me get my cock sucked, he laid on his back on the bench while playing with his hole. The blowjob was pretty good, but watching that short hottie play with his hole made me rock hard, and needing to be engulfed by not a mouth, but the 98.6 degree and rising warmth of a hungry bottom's ass tunnel.

The past times I topped the short hottie, he assumed the position to be topped doggy style. Being the ass-man that I am, that made it easier to get turned on, start fucking him, and keep fucking him. This time however, seeing him in position to bottom in missionary made me want him right away. My craving wasn't to look at his ass while inside it. No, it was solely about being inside him. Seeing the beauty of his ass was no longer a crutch to get me hard and keep me hard. Just the thought of being inside him in any position was all I needed.

Before I'm called a hypocrite regarding Rule #5 in my rules of blowjob etiquette, I initially was planning to give my dick to the guy giving me a blowjob. But he was sucking me for so long that he seemed like sucking my cock was all he wanted to do. A man that is going to be worth my interest knows to do as I do - stop sucking to check on his playmate to see if he eventually wants that cock made hard by a cocksucker so it can go in his cocksucker's ass, like it should be. This guy never checked in with me for that. He was sucking me for all eternity and I was getting bored by it. As I mentioned before, he sucked it pretty good, but he never offered his asshole. My playmate from my past laying on the bench next to me did offer his asshole.

I went in my pouch and got out some lube to put on my cock. I then slid my cock inside him and started pounding with so much passion. A degree of a passion I've done while topping doggy style, but never in missionary. The more he moaned in pleasure. The more I touched his bare skin not covered by his harness and jockstrap. The more I wrapped my arms around him to go deeper inside him. It all made me not want to stop. But I did stop, so I wouldn't come. Because I have a feeling that if I did come, I would not have stopped. I would have probably shot a raw load in his ass, and kept pumping so I could try and shoot another. Fucking him so long that the lights would come on in the bar because of it nearing closing time.

The other instance happened at a Milk Chocolate NYC party.

I had already topped from behind while standing this sexy guy who was around my height. The entire time I thrusted into the soft cheeks of his ass, as much as I loved looking down to see those cheeks squeeze with my every inward thrust, I wanted him on his back. So I could look in his eyes right below those sexy eyebrows.

Later on in the night, he and a guy that he and I both had bottomed for earlier were sitting on a sofa in the space. Another guy put his legs up and started fucking the hottie. This put the thought back in my head of how much I wanted to look in his eyes while my cock is inside that amazing ass. Then the other guy stopped. So my chance opened up. And when this hottie saw my hard cock eager to get in him again, he opened his ass up along with that chance.

I got on my knees and put my hard cock inside him, with his legs leaning on my shoulders. He lit up the deeper I went in. And when I started pumping into him, he lit up even more. Maybe because my cock was also swelling from feeling his body hair and playing with his big dick. In any case, his being pleased was undeniable for me to see because I was looking right into his eyes.

So how do these 2 occurrences show that I am evolving in my topping skills?

I have long been saying that sex is not just a physical connection, but also a spiritual connection. The latter is one many gay males try to deny. Hence why doggy-style is the most common position at a sex party or backroom. For both connections exist even in a backroom/sex party tryst, and doggy-style, while a great position for a top to view the ass he is pumping into, it also helps a top avoid looking into his sex partner's eyes, which are windows to the soul.

With that said, those 2 encounters with me craving, then being a top in missionary shows me evolving because before then, my spiritual connection that I said was part of sex was obtained in my mind, but less obtained by our sexual position. Therefore, giving no guarantee as to whether or not the spiritual connection that was obtained before the sex was truly maintained during the sex. By me topping in missionary, a more intimate position, I have now evolved to obtaining that spiritual connection by more physical and definite means. A position where my playmate and I look each other in the eyes. Where we can see the beauty of healthy lust, and ask for more. Or see its ugliness and part ways soon after.

Since in addition to being horny, I need to vibe with positive sexual energy from the person(s), I believe the lust we'll have will most definitely be the beauty of healthy lust.

I Can Sell Your Dick Better Than Any Pornstar

After midnight on Friday, I wrote this post on my former Facebook page:

After riding the Latino's beautiful cock, we parted ways. I then went and sat on a stool at the bar. Not too long after though, I could see from there that a go-go boy was trying to give the Latino a lap dance. The lap dance might have even led to some fucking over there. But it was definitely the case in an area behind a curtain closer to the bar, as I went for a closer look.

Trust me, my need to go in closer was not jealousy of any kind. My need to investigate was because I suspected a trend. The trend I stated in the caption of the Instagram pic below:

View this post on Instagram

Over the past few months, I have had not 1, not 2, but 3 instances when I'm bottoming with a hottie in a #gaybar backroom, and the #gogoboy witnessing it needs to be next. Since my verbal and physical reactions were the most noticeable parts of the encounter, it was literally my #ass that sold those #gogoboys on straying from their job to try getting a taste of what I was enjoying. And for Gogo #1, that's continued straying. And you probably thought only #bottoming #gaypornstars could sell you on a top's #cock. A blog post on "L's X-Ray Vision" will soon give more details. * #gaynightlife #backroom #jealousy #envy #sexualwhiteentitlement #racisminthegaycommunity #sexualracism

A post shared by LeNair Xavier (@lenairxavier71) on Feb 28, 2019 at 7:53pm PST

So this was the 3 time such a thing has happened in the past 4 or 5 months. It's common for fellow patrons in a sex party/backroom to scramble to be the next one to ride on the dick that just pleased you because your ass pleased him. But it's another social disorder present when that many go-go boys do the same thing in such a span of time.

What's wrong is that their behavior reaffirms my observations from over 7 years ago. About how today's go-go boys don't stick to being solely eye candy. And while most go-go boys are millennials, many let their horniness be governed by the narcissism and sense of entitlement numerous articles have shown that millennials have come to be known for. A work ethic is not as much in their performance as it should be, or as they might claim it is.

I'm sure this next suspicion is going to cause some of you to say, "Oh, here he goes with that again!", But the fact is many white and light-complexioned males have long tried to either be the "next and better" sex partner, or out right steal a playmate from a person of color. Yes, they play the same game with other white/light complexioned people. However, every medium to dark complexioned Black, Latino, or Middle Easterner, and Asian reading this has probably experienced this at some point, and a good deal more often.

Case in point:

At the after party that inspired my Thotyssey article, "Fetch My Drugs, Fetch My Fuck", I was the sole Black guy invited. Always having a White/light Latino playmate. When one guest would start playing with someone who came as part of a pair or grouping, all of the members of that initial pair or grouping was always added to being played with, but they were all either white or light skinned Latino. But when one of the guest tried playing with the guy my +1 (since I was the one initially invited), they tried acting like I wasn't even in the room.

Luckily, it never erupted into a conflict because the playmates I brought there were loyal enough to me to not leave me out, and tried including me when the white/light guy wouldn't bother. Looking back, I wonder does that have to do with them being European. Because I have not had such a high percentage of loyalty from American white males. But that's another topic.

My point is that all of these go-go boys are either white American or Latino. So it's only natural that they would be suspected of that same self-serving mindset. Especially by being a go-go boy, many looked upon as sex gods, and they know it. 

If this is not the case with all 3, it is definitely the case with Go-go Boy #1. For while I was bottoming for the guy he wanted, he was actually trying to chat away with my top to get him away from me. This just goes to show that you can give a white boy (even one with a big dick) a gig that portrays him as a sex god, but he can still exhibit the racist white male insecurity towards a Black male's sexuality.

For no man is a sex god, whatever color he may be. And no matter what media hype tells us, the deepest part of our conscience knows that limitation to be true.

Now, let's address the title of this article. It's because when you think about it, most fans of penetrating male porn actors are sold on that male not by his actions solely, if at all. They are more sold on that male porn actor by the reactions of the person they are performing sex acts on/with.

In my cases:

#1 was a combo of him thrusting into my ass from behind, and me thrusting on his dick;

#2 was mostly me riding the guy's dick, and;

#3 was me solely riding the guy's dick.

So the majority of action and reaction that made these go-go boys strive for a turn came from me. Therefore, it was my ass and my top's reaction to my ass that sold those go-go boys on my playmate's cock to the point that they wanted to be next in line. Much like a penetrated pornstar, but better than a penetrated pornstar because I didn't need to get paid in order to do it. It was a natural sexual chemistry leading to my natural fun expressed. 

It is definitely an ego boost to realize that the way I fuck, in this case, as a bottom, that I can make even the guys portrayed as sex gods want the playmate that I had obtained. And it may be a degree of envy involved. For those go-go boys' trysts after mine came more so from them dancing on that box. A perch for them to be noticed. Meanwhile, my trysts with those playmates came simply from me being in the room... at floor level like my playmates. Knowing recognition is a possibility, but not seeking it when they approached me. 😁😎😉😘

10 Seconds More, Then Fisted

Hanging out on the little stage in the basement of The Cock, I met a guy. After exchanging glances we gravitated towards each other. We started making out. As the making out progressed to us feeling each other up through our clothes, then digging down each other's pants in a dark corner, sex seemed to a definite expectation that night.

In our feeling each other up, he went for both my dick and ass just as much as I went for his. So I decided to do what I always do with a guy, even if he focuses more on my back than my front, or vice versa. I asked him if he was a top, bottom, or versatile.

It's unfortunate how the ignorant sexual roles based on color/ethnicity and body weight/height imposed upon us in the gay community by gay media forms made me fear I wouldn't trust him once he answered. For he was white, shorter than me, and our feel-up session informed my hand that he had an ass to die for on that smaller frame of his. So the racist sexpectations of me that I've experienced so many times before had me prepared for him to say that he was a bottom.

Instead, he said he was versatile (like me), but (unlike me) more of a top. From that moment, he didn't earn my complete trust in his character, but he earned a hell of a lot more than a white guy of any height saying he was a bottom. Because at least I knew by confessing to me he was more of a top, I knew for certain that he wasn't another gay white male taught by porn as to what a Black male's role should be during an interracial sexual encounter.

Some of you reading this are probably thinking that by bringing this up that I'm exasperating the racism. Such accusations come from 2 types of people:

1. non-blacks who refuse to understand and;
2. blacks who falsely validate their sex appeal by an interracial sexual encounter. Lowering themselves to becoming complacent in allowing those non-blacks to continue to not understand.

The fact is that I've seen the effect gay porn has had on our sexual expectations based on such "-isms" as racism and ageism, and I refuse to live in silence about its effect on my sex life. Because if I don't realize this consciously, then it becomes a catalyst for the subconscious uber-aggressive, brutal topping that too many ignorant black males do to appease non-blacks taught by porn.


But I necessarily digress.

After he told me he was more of a top, I lit up. Because that's actually what I wanted from him. We continued making out for a bit. Then went back upstairs to the bar for a drink. He then extended an invitation back to his place to which I graciously accepted.

We got back to his place. He asked if I wanted something to drink. I chose water. He stepped out and came back. After a quick sip, we immediately stripped off our clothes. I saw that fit physique of his in his underwear, and it only made me want his body to connect with mine even more. For his dick to be a key, and my asshole to be the keyhole by which entry of his key can unlock my horniness and his.

We started making out, and he put me on his bed. We continued making out, then he asked a question that threw me for a bit. He asked, "Do you like to get fisted?"

In my blogging over the years, I have put up much fuss as to how out of love for my tight hole, I would never try it. Then I remembered an interracial couple that lived in Harlem where each of them tried fisting me, and only got up to their knuckles. But through them I began to change my tune.

For I started realizing that I allowed them to get that far because I was so into them that I wanted their bodies inside mine in every way possible. So from that point on, I knew someday, I would get completely fisted. But that night was not the night.

So I thought that this night was going to be the night. Because I was that intensely into him. So to answer his question, I told him, "Not completely. But I'm willing to let you try."

And he did, He lubed up his hand heavily. He tried going in, and at first, only got as far as the couple in Harlem. He then offered me some poppers. Breaking my long-standing anti-poppers rule, I must confess that I took him up on his offer. And trust me, I am not proud that I did.

My head felt the usual light-headedness that I've come to know (and loathe) even by a contact high from poppers. However, even though I took a huff, I was still determined to prove the point I made in all of my anti-poppers articles. I then took a deep breath, and he started moving his hand around inside me. I had no idea as to how deep inside he was. However deep it was though, it did feel good. And this was not the high from the poppers talking because by the time I acknowledged the pleasure I was feeling, the high from the poppers had worn off.

Then it suddenly became too much. So I had him stop. I could see in his beautiful light eyes that he wanted to keep going, but he did what a real man would do. He listened to me listening to my body and stopped.

Afterwards, I asked him how far had he gotten inside me. It felt like he was all the way in, and while he was doing it, I saw none of his hand. So I asked to be sure. He said, "Another 10 seconds, and I would have been all the way in."

It wasn't what I expected to hear, but I was still both shock and disappointed at the same time. It's because I see now that I am capable of allowing someone to try fisting me IF my sexual attraction to them is intense enough. So I now do hope to try that again sometime.

I also learned that even if a full-on fisting doesn't happen, the attempt alone makes me horny as fuck for that fist to be immediately replaced by my playmate's cock. So we gave that a try. My playmate took off his underwear, and I could see his reflection in the window. So I was ready to look at a live porn show starring my playmate and my ass.

Unfortunately, my playmate drank too much and was unable to perform. And I was not at all mad. Disappointed, yes. But not mad. For he seemed completely sober. It was just a case where whiskey dick didn't hit during the initial act to cause excitement. It hit numerous acts to cause excitement. A situation I have experienced myself after a drink or 2 and intense foreplay. Especially on an empty stomach.

So we didn't fuck... That night.

A few weeks later, we ran into each other at a gay bar. With gay male's bad reputation for thinking of their playmates as disposable from life and memory, I expected him to not remember me if he saw me. It turns out he did remember me. Greeting me when he saw me. And from that we started making out again. This time, we didn't wait. We found a corner in the backroom, he undid his pants, and I immediately went down on him. While I was sucking his dick, I undid my pants and reached into my pouch and lubed my ass. Perfect timing. Because once he got rock hard, he picked me up, and turned me around with a quickness. Snatched down my pants. Put a spit lube on his cock, and put it in my ass.

He thrusted away at my hole. I reached back a few times to squeeze his nice ass as it flexed while he plowed into me. I grinded my ass on his cock a few times also because when I bottom, I am not a lazy bottom. There were guys watching this, but they were of no concern. However, my always multi-tasking mind did realize something about the crowd that was wrong, but too familiar.

With racism in the gay community being alive and well, the initial optics of this gorgeous shorter White man putting, then thrusting his eager cock inside a slightly taller Black man with an equally eager hole stunned many enough to make them look. But just for a moment. For many of the white guys, once the sexual racism ingrained in their so-called minds made them realize they were seeing something that "broke the rules", they left. So in my haze from the pleasure of my playmate's dick in my ass, I noticed that we were surrounded by mostly men of color.

I didn't really give a damn about whether the crowd watched or not. As far as I'm concerned, as in all my public sexual escapades, the mood to fuck hit me and a hot guy in a space I could release the tension, so I took advantage of the space and time. Whether or not people are there, or if they watch is not a necessity to make me do what I do. Therefore voyeurs are of no concern to me for the sex to be satisfying.

And speaking of satisfying, my playmate thrusted in my hole until I felt those throbs of a man's cock that I love to feel when bottoming. He shot his raw load into my ass. So I finally got that ass pounding from him that I had been craving since the night he was just 10 seconds away from completely fisting me.

So now, I'm wondering when I will experience that full-on fisting. If it happens, that next time I am determined to do it without the slightest bit of poppers. For I allowed myself to stray from my rules once, but it will not be a constant thing. Because within my loathing for hypocrisy, I view poppers as a hazardous crutch. So if I can't get fisted without poppers, then I am not meant to be fisted.