Hungry For My 2nd D.P.

For years now, I have been making pleas to be double-penetrated. Well, last year around this time, it finally happened. I never wrote a blog post giving details. I instead told those details at a storytelling event in Brooklyn called Spill! True Stories of Queer Sex, Desire, and Romance. So if you're a New Yorker, and missed me telling it, then that's your lost.

Anyway, while it was a good experience, I'm writing this because I want it again. I've noticed that the last couple of times I've written about wanting to be double-penetrated, based on how and who it finally happened with, I got offers that never came to fruition. All I will say about the actual occurrence is that I was not mentally prepared for it. The 2 guys were not 2 guys I wanted together. Also, it did not play out where at least one of the guys was someone I had been topped by in the past, as I said I wanted in Eureka!....Discovering My D.P. Formula.

So basically, I want a do-over. A double penetration where my preferences are not undermined by one's lust-induced selfishness. Such as how, I'm not a size queen, and since this is a double penetration, I DO NOT need a monster cock! Especially, if one guy is as thick as 2 average size guys. So if you come to me with the words, "He's got a big dick" as a selling point in your pitch, both you and him will lose your shot. For I'm about character strength, not dick length. If this seems like me being a bit bossy, I have a right to be. After all, this is my body, so it's my call. Furthermore, whter by knowing me personally and my blog posts about this wish, guys who should have known better about me did the "he's got a big dick" pitch to me. So thinking back on that has me a bit annoyed and frustrated of how too often when a male is horny, his lust makes him selfish to the point that he only half-listens, if at all.

Anyway, what I still also want is the initial one-on-one starting with the guy I've never been with before, then followed by one guy I've been topped by before. And if I've been topped by both guys before, then maybe then we can do something else I've never done before -----get fucked blindfolded.

Over the next couple of months, we have 4 holidays coming up. One is an actual holiday, while the other 3 are essential only to me. They are:

February 9th - The day I came out to myself. Going into the morning of;
February 10th - The day I lost my virginity (in a 5-man orgy)
February 14th - Valentine's Day
March 31st - My birthday. This year I turn 43.

So any of my past playmates reading this wanting to be one of my 2 tops should keep those dates in mind. OR if both of my tops are to be new playmates, then we should have a 1-on-1 before or on one of those dates, then the double penetration on one of the those dates.

So who's man enough? For if I'm man enough to want to take on 2 dick with my tight hole, someone should be man enough to comply, and on my terms.

Talking EXPLOITATION et al. with Justin Samuels

My last blog post was about my annoyance with a guy I briefly dated, but remained civil with named, Lovari. For announcing he was producing porn with Latino Fan Club, which features a lot of guys claiming to be "on the down low".  And I've made it no secret about how I feel about that and "gay-for-pay". Hence my annoyance.

Shortly after, Lovari did an interview with blogger/author Justin Samuels who  mentioned my blog post about Lovari in that interview. I then found myself verbally attacked by commenters and responding by re-iterating points I had already made in my blog post about Lovari. Most comments were signed "Anonymous" (chicken shits), and to be honest, I suspect that some were from Lovari himself. For the wording was too similar. Plus, if more than one person's brain is that ass-backwards, then we are truly doomed as a community.

Anyway, to be fair, Justin Samuels offered me an interview to explain my point of view for his audience. I graciously accepted, and not only did we address my viewpoint on producing porn with guys on the down low. We also addressed the state of gay nightlife, gays in the military, and gay marriage as well. So check out the interview:

LeNair Xavier on the Exploitation in the Porn Business and Gay Club Scene 

 

Lovari's Loose Screws To Hypocrisy

It is coming up on 5 years since I wrote the blog post, "Crash And Burn On Valentine's Edge". If my most loyal readers recall I never revealed the guy in that post. Well, that guy is the singer, Lovari.

Why am I revealing this now? For my rule is that I need to get that story out of my system, but initially, I try to respect you enough to keep your name and/or face out of it. Even when it's a sexual escapade, and I feel you've shown a skill and/or degree of character that you should be publicly lauded for. However, when you cross a line with me that sends you into exile from my life...all bets are off. Such a low was recently committed by Lovari.

I have said a great deal against the gay porn industry over the last 4 years, plus for even longer been vocal in my stance against gay-for-pay or being "on the down low". So imagine my annoyance when I saw a Facebook update like this from Lovari, someone I once gave of my time to:

 

You might think since our brief involvement of 10 days occurring 5 years ago, that I should look at Lovari now partnering with Latino Fan Club as some kind of progress. Think again!

For at least I'm honest, out, and proud about my love of dick and male ass. Progress for Lovari would be him partnering with a porn company that features guys just as honest, out, and proud of themselves. If that was the case, as much of an issue I have with the industry at the moment, not only would I not think so low of him now, but I might actually consider a brief return. However, such is not the case. Instead, he's partnering with a company that produces porn that:

1) is known for giving sexual praise to Latinos who are ghetto trash;

2) glorifies living a mentally and emotionally scarring double life, which can easily influence questioning gay/bi males to do the  same, and;

3) gives the models shit pay in the process of 1 & 2.

So if there's any question as to why I said to him, "YOU HAVE SUNK TO A NEW FUCKIN' LOW!", there shouldn't be now. 

Yet, Lovari actually tried to say to me that my being vocal in my disappointment with him is "the pot calling the kettle 'black'". In short, he tried to called me a "hypocrite" - wondering how I could have done porn, but be annoyed that he's now producing it. Well, this is very easy to explain. And this explanation also goes out to any dumb-ass ready to side with Lovari by making his same lame-brain argument...

For while I have made homemade porn since leaving the industry, I officially left the porn industry in September 2009. That is 4 1/4 years ago (if the math escapes you), and have always been vocal as to why I left. Plus, in all of my porn videos (industry-based and homemade), I always made a point of being out and proud of homosexuality. For I have said in many interviews and on this blog that I got into the porn industry to inspire the questioning to feel comfort in whatever degree of homosexuality they had, and not shame. Meanwhile, Lovari is producing porn that incites that very shame. Showing guys fucked up enough in the head to be ashamed of their homosexuality, yet try to make a buck off of their self-shame. So there is no pot calling the kettle "black" here. There is simply me telling the truth, and Lovari's inability to handle that truth...like most porn producers.

Unfortunately now, I am led to believe that Lovari's "Likes" for my Facebook posts about the porn industry was him trying to get my support for his porn endeavors by way of claiming to support my viewpoint. This (in his mind) would ward off me coming at him the way I did. The problem is that makes his support of my viewpoint a lie. And since I loathe liars, such a stunt makes him fit right into that shady business.

As many times as I've been through this, this level of stupidity still baffles me. For with all that I've said on the issue of gay-for-pay in blog posts, AND conversations during and since our 10 days of dating, how STUPID can Lovari be?!

How stupid can he be to believe that I am going to support him producing porn featuring guys who claim to be on the "down low"?!
How stupid can he be to believe that I am going to support this when the reason we stopped dating is because he couldn't handle my sexuality that allowed me to be sexually liberated enough to do porn?! So he now is going to influence others to appear as sexually liberated for the sake of a buck?! But lie to themselves (and you) about their obvious orientation?! Sounds like a bit of hypocrisy if you ask me. But adding to the hypocrisy is when you consider how Lovari once pissed a bitch about how gay events were not hiring and/or being headlined by out and proud gay music artists. Now, if you read this blog for any length of time, then you know how much I hate hypocrisy. So now, thinking back to the fact that I allowed him to kiss me... 

Eww! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth!

Luckily, I have thoughts of my interview with the organization, AntiPornography.org to pull it back. For it reminds me that I'm doing something to combat the matter by addressing the matter.

Cold Outside, Warm In You

 

I debuted this poem at Titillating Tongues on December 20, 2013 to a small crowd on a night nowhere near as cold as the cold weather that's been hitting some parts of the U.S. lately. So with presenting it here, I hope you have someone to cuddle with, and/or....

feel the warmth inside of.

Poem's lyrics can be found by clicking on the poem title in the Soundcloud widget.

Porno Bingo For The Rainbow Book Fair

January 7, 2011. It was a night to remember.

Most might recall it marking 3 years since my infamous face-to-face verbal confrontation with Diesel Washington. However, it's the event that the confrontation took place at that was the most important to me. For January 7th also marks 3 years since Men of All Colors Together presented me debuting my poetry series with a Q & A telling all many try to ignore about the gay porn industry - simply titled, "The Industry".

Before his untimely death, the host of the sex party, Hot Jock Party helped to promote my event by including mention of it in his emails. I was a regular, and I did attend last party held before my event. I recall telling the clothes check guy about it, him saying how great an idea it was, as well as him saying, "Something good is going to come out of that. You watch."

On the outside, I smiled and said, "Why thank you!". But while hoping for the best, but expecting the worst, my inside voice was saying to him, "You've got to be out of your damn mind! Ain't shit going to come of this!"

Well, fast forward to the morning of January 8, 2011, the day after "The Industry" debuts. I wake up around 10 a.m. checking emails with no expectations in my post wake-up haze. Turns out I did have new email. The 1st email being from someone who attended my poetry reading.

He complimented me on my poetry. He also complimented me no how I handled myself during the Q & A. Both compliments I greatly appreciated, but more so the latter compliment because there were a couple of argumentative dumb-asses there besides Diesel Washington. So being praised on handling them said that I did something right. But in addition to these compliments came him mentioning certain positions that he held, and how he would be willing to assist in my involvement. Such as being involved in with the Leslie-Lohman Museum of Gay & Lesbian Art, as well as The Rainbow Book Fair. Reading this began taking me out of my post wake-up haze. As well as realize that the clothes check guy at that sex party was foreseeing the future. For this is for starters, how I got to meet staffers at the Leslie-Lohman, and how I've been one of the many poets reading in The Rainbow Book Fair's Poetry Salon since March 2011.

So it is this audience member's kindness that got me involved in those and some of the other things you have read about my involvement in over the past 3 years. Such as my modeling for the Leslie-Lohman Drawing Studio, my bartending at Leslie-Lohman openings (which led to a modeling gig), and my drawing "Bi-Butterfly" being in the Leslie-Lohman exhibit, "Queer Art and the Church". 

Now, this gentleman made me aware of the Leslie-Lohman, but he played no part in that drawing being displayed. For when he saw me at the exhibit opening, he though I was just being another art connoisseur. He was actually surprised to see that I actually submitted a piece. However, with such good deeds in mind, it is understandable that I feel that January 8th is a day to remember. So this coming Wednesday, January 8th, with The Rainbow Book Fair as the beneficiary of the night at The Will Clark Show featuring Porno Bingo, then I should be there to show my support.

Some of you might be thinking that with the way I feel about the porn industry now that this might be a hypocritical move. Trust me, it's not. For despite what I think of the porn industry, I'm well aware that without it in my past, I would not be on the upward road I am presently on. So I have no qualms lending my support to a porn-related event when the big picture has it is being for a good cause. And that definitely includes a night like The Will Clark Show featuring Porno Bingo having The Rainbow Book Fair as a beneficiary. For The Rainbow Book Fair is how I've gotten my name to some gay publishers as well as how I became a model for Next Door Magazine that year. You see, I always look at the big picture, and take note of how wide that ripple has spread from that one little drop into a pond.

Most artists' success starts from them being honest and facing bad occurrences  and calling themselves out on bad decisions. Sometimes telling that truth turns into a financial success. Though it is always most importantly, both a mental and emotional success that brings tranquility. And presenting "The Industry" was definitely a mental and emotional success bringing me tranquility. So I'm glad to celebrate its anniversary by attending an event that benefits a good thing that resulted from it. If you're in NYC, I hope you'll stop by and show your support.

J Train Lust

While the backstory was told in this video, it was originally told in my blog post, "Hearing Lust Can Warm You Up".