I'm Nearing Half a Century,....NOT Nearing Ugly, Asexual, or Impotent

Especially by gay nightlife and gay media, being 30+ is treated like a death sentence. Well, as I turn 47 on March 31, 2018, this is my decree as to how I beg to differ and why.

Who Is My Message of Resistance at The Pleasure Chest For?

NYC's Gay Pride was yesterday. I spent the day working with The Pleasure Chest as part of their street team. Handing out paint paddles, fans, condoms, and buttons.

Before that, we wrote names of LGBTQ inspirations and messages of resistance. I chose to do a message of resistance, much like the one I did on the window of the Upper East Side location.

I'm sure most names of inspirations and messages of resistance will at the most cause a fellow member of the LGBT community to in some way scream "YAAASSS!", with little chance of an anti-LGBT pedestrian even looking up to see the message to put them on notice. And such a more out gay presence near the West Village location, I chose to write the message:

RESIST RACISM, AGEISM, SEXISM

It is a message that might not only make a fellow member of the LGBT community scream the aforementioned, but more so stop them in their tracks and make them see a mirror. A mirror they might not want to look in.

For that look at themselves might show how supporters of this country's present shit-show of a presidential administration are not the only ones exhibiting behaviors that need messages of resistance. Sad to say, but members of the LGBT community itself are also culprits.

If you don't think so, then please read on...

RACISM Almost every LGBT hero and/or sex symbol we are bombarded with is white. Or they are a light person of color that gay media uses to claim they are not racist when in fact they are. Even though there are plenty of medium to dark people of color who have accomplished just as great (or better) a feat, or been just as great (or even stronger) a voice.

As I have stated in the past, Queerty and  Instinct is such a perpetrator of this, and has gotten so cowardly in facing those who follow my lead in calling them out on it, they both have blocked me from commenting.

Also, most recently, the racial insensitivity to Philadelphia's unveiling of a gay flag including the colors of black and brown makes those white and assimilating people of color who claim to be anti-Trump to be the biggest of hypocrites. Ones whose souls are at a level of disgust that there are no words to describe how deplorable they make their existence. This is not to say that I didn't have my own feelings about it, but it was nothing compared to the racial insensitivity and selling out that I saw online from our own.

AGEISM The ageism in the LGBT community is also deplorable. For why is it immediately assumed when I walk into a gay bar, that because I'm over 30 that I'm to buy a 20-something a drink? Why do porn companies like Icon Male and Naked Sword prey upon the maladjustment of many gay males' daddy issues by sexualizing them, being one of those inciting those 20-somethings to make a fetish out of me for my age. Porn has done that to me enough for the color of my skin. I don't need porn doing it to me because of my age as well.

Also, why is it that when a model call is put out that as good as I and others 30+ have maintained themselves, we are denied the gig simply because of our age. Yet some of us have the looks, stamina, and discipline to get the job done better than the white/light 20-somethings hired?

Case in point with an example that compounds both ageism and racism.- There have been many nights when I've go-go danced in my 40s, and didn't stop dancing for 1.5 - 2 hours after I started. Meanwhile, many of these young white go-go boys today act so entitled that they get on the dancing box for 5 - 10 minutes, and then they disappear, and are hired again.

SEXISM The sexism in the LGBT community is also out of control. For there is no excuse for a female to be questioned about her presence in a male-dominated gay bar when she is with her gay best friend. Or when she is being so civilized, you wouldn't notice her unless you stood next to her, and/or she politely said "Hello". Yet, there are many gay males who get their knickers in a ball-crunching twist when she is civilized.  I know many females come in with their overcompensating flamboyant male friends. But let the female show themselves before judging them. The same way you don't want to be judge based on the behavior of a few bad seed gay males in our community.

This sexism also translates into transphobia. The kind of transphobia that makes transgender people not tell you they are transgender until after the fact. Such as the instance I spoke of in my Thotyssey post, "X-Ray Sex: The Transgender Surprise".


So you see, the message of resistance is not only necessary to be addressed to the racism, sexual assaults, misogyny, and narcissism that presently runs our country. It also needs to be addressed to ourselves. And it's a reason why there are gays considering strapping themselves into some form of a "Conversion Therapy Horror Chair".

Sexual Narrow Mind

Many things in the gay community dictate the perceptions and sexpectations we gay males have of one another. Based on everything  from our skin color, age, exhibitionism level, sexual orientation, etc.

The problem is... many of them lead to life as a lonely single gay male, using certain sexual exploits to overcompensate.

Unfortunately, the main influencers to this problem among us are once again, gay media, porn, and nightlife. For our straight parents can't tell us what it means to be a gay male. Add to that how many running outlets of those aforementioned gay sources tell you to do away with even the decent principles your straight parents taught you, you will then end up with gay males having ignorant and limiting outlooks.

Sadly, they will always be the main contributors to this problem until a complete overhaul is done. One that adds new blood to surge through the veins of these influential sources. New blood from those who are more self-assured, ethical, non-racist, therefore more representational of our country's rainbow of skin color. When that happens the relevance of poems like "Sexual Narrow Mind" will no longer be.


Sexual Narrow Mind from LeNair Xavier on Vimeo.

It's All BUTT Love - Social Media Experiement

What does it take to do all of those Facebook Live, Instagram, and Snapchat videos? Considering how many of them show such mundane instances in one's day, one should wonder how much time they are wasting by watching them.

Case in point, I don't need to see you grocery shopping. Or walking to work. Or walking to your next gig... All with a stoic look on your face. IDGAF because...

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO

WITH YOUR BRAND????

And the answer is...

UNLESS YOUR BRAND IS "NARCISSISM",

NOT A MUTHA FUCKIN' THING!!!

This has always ran through my mind, but I thought more deeply about this while making the following video I posted on Instagram:

How do I plan on sleeping like a baby? By rubbing one out before I pass out with @tenga_pr's Flip Zero. #sextoys #masturbation #tenga #flipseries

A post shared by LeNair Xavier (@lenairxavier) on Apr 23, 2017 at 7:51am PDT

Afterwards, I left everything but my smartphone and the Tenga Flip Zero. Did what I said I was going to do with my Flip Zero, then went to bed. When I woke up the following morning, I came up with the idea to give this narcissistic craze a whirl. But to make it not be totally pointless, I still made it contribute to my brand.

So I decided to dance naked. I  told you I contributed to my brand. With every decision from the song, how much of the song, as well as how much of my body would show was decided upon, set up a tad more, and shot in less than an hour.

My decision after this was if it took that much work to quickly put together something that might actually contribute to the part of my brand meant to showcase the sex appeal of males over 30, especially of color, then what the fuck is wrong with the social skills of guys who take the time to post videos that contribute absolutely nothing to their brand.

It's fuckin' ridiculous!!!

Well, this is the end result of that experiment. It has gotten 800+ views at the time of writing this post. So I hope my snap decision to do this experiment contributes to my brand of representing being black, sexy, fit, high energy, while over 40.

What do you think?

It's All Butt Love from LeNair Xavier on Vimeo.

NAKED & SEXY WILL Come in BLACK

I've been deliberating about this for awhile now, but I'm entering again.

Gay media has puked out foul messages about medium to dark men of color, and men 30+ for the longest. Saying we either never had naked sex appeal because of our color, or we lose our naked sex appeal because of our age. Well, someone needs to take a stand and flip the bird to that.

So for me, while winning would be nice, it's not about winning. It's about not sitting in the crowd. For I feel sitting in the crowd when your have the goods to take to the stage confirms those aforementioned foul messages. So I hope to see you there to cheer me on.

Breeding Black Armor By White Insecurity

People are the products of their environment. These environments have often programmed their proclaimed standards long before you met them. If those standards contradict your own, those signs of that environment might fade a bit in your presence. Unfortunately, like a computer, they often reboot in that person when they leave your presence.

So since most media, events, and the most-respected people in gay society do not teach inclusiveness, we have moments where some (mainly blacks) get overwhelmed feeling like the outsider. Even if they normally forge head-first into the situation as a means to combat it, like myself.

Such a situation has people wearing an armor, even if the event has us totally naked. And with that, there comes a point when that armor must come off. You can and should take the armor off yourself. Otherwise, it will fall off unexpectedly. Resulting in awkward, and sometimes dangerous situations.

I usually take the armor off myself. By either the event ending in time, or me removing myself from the situation. Recently at a party however, I didn't do the latter, and the armor fell off. Thereby creating, not a dangerous situation, but definitely an awkward one.

The host had no idea as to what caused my usually cool, calm, and collected self to suddenly bolt out the door. I later explained giving a much more condensed version of what I'm saying here now.

Many black males experience this, but will seldom (if ever) reveal it out loud. Meanwhile, those whites and light people of color whose selfishness refuse to discuss racism since they so massively benefit from it need to learn empathy and compassion.

At the aforementioned party, I was fine a t first. However, the smaller the crowd got the more I felt the energy making me "the black man in the room". Many black male party-goers feel this. Either drinking themselves into stoopers, or making themselves the main drug connection for whites, and getting high with those whites to avoid feeling the reality of being "the black man in the room". That's why I'm more prone to address it. I'm always sober enough to see it, feel it, therefore remember every detail to acknowledge our community's moments of progress, but too often lack thereof.

Like I said, this is something I, and every other black male feels at just about any gay event in this country. And the only way to avoid it is to exile ourselves further by attending all-black parties like the one I mentioned in a Facebook post I wrote about a Latino I played with at a CumUnion party. And as a born and raised New Yorker, therefore a born and raised American, I should not have to exile myself like I'm in Pre-Civil Rights Movement America when the year is 2017. Especially when the heads of gay media, party promoters, and porn producers further inciting this racism are transplants to this multi-colored and multi-ethnic mecca that is my home.

Any black male you meet telling you they know not of what I speak is in denial. Either that, or they're telling you a bold-face lie to cover the guilt racially insensitive whites and bougie people of color try laying on us. Calling us blacks who speak honestly on this matter, "angry black men" if we dare to bring this matter up.

The question created by these situations are:
Why are blacks and other darker people of color still being made to feel inferior, when they are not by any means?

Well, the answer is the same as it has been throughout American history. It's what brought forth slavery. It's what brought forth segregation. It's what brought forth gender inequality along with too many other forms of inequality... WHITE MALE INSECURITY.

This insecurity is born out of how it is very likely encoded in our DNA that when we are put on any kind of pedestal, we fear the day (and way) we fall off of it. And it is inevitable that we will fall off of it. For every thing man produces has mortality.

So a white male's time on a pedestal appearing as the epitome of sex, beauty, and intellect; light-complexioned people of various ethnicities given those same props because the whites running media consider them as "passing"; all of the aforementioned seeing a person of a darker color or certain ethnicity, and initially liking what they see, but turn their eyes away just as quickly because the programming kicks in to think of those people as "ugly"; and for all of them, youth being their ticket to climbing that segregated ladder...

ALL OF IT WILL DIE AT SOME POINT. Ageism dismissing older gays will start it on its way. As for its final resting place, maybe not in my lifetime, or yours, but these ways of life will die. And no matter how much of a bravado is put on by those benefiting from that racism, every one of those people are dreading the day their time of being seen as a stud, a muse, or a genius dies.

Worst part of it is that for generations, these gay males still have never realized, therefore ignored teaching the next generation that the more they play into that racism, the more they act entitled to its perceived benefits, the more it's going to hurt when it's time to come down. It's probably because each generation had and has an arrogance saying things like, "I like what I like just because" or worst, "It will never happen to me."

Well, don't we already see the signs that beg to differ? For you can't miss seeing in the bars and clubs, the lonely old white and light-complexioned males buying lapdances and "alone time" with go-go boys. And long before that and very much on-going, how older guys are the main clients for escorts/prostitutes. So basically, those younger gays doing these gigs, are doing so for their lonely future selves.

How much worst does it have to get for us to realize that this RACISM (sexual and otherwise) NEEDS TO STOP???!!! All of this makes it clear how actions like this racism in the gay community creates a chain of livelihoods that shouldn't even be called "livelihoods". For they are making our community put on a happy face when in all actuality, we are imploding.

Therefore, all of the aforementioned acts create a path that benefits no one.

See Me Return to Mr. Nude York

Well, after my absence last year for reasons stated in a blog post from about a year ago, I'm throwing my name in the hat again to try to be crowned Mr. Nude York.

I still feel win or lose, my presence is necessary. For I'm seeing my greatest fears of Black gay males come to fruition...That they've given up trying to show themselves as a contender for beauty and sex appeal because gay media has beaten down their confidence. Even when these fellow blacks claim to be like me, an exhibitionist. So someone needs to show that we're not all beaten down.

And I will not just be representing my color, but also my age group. For it needs to be shown that just because you're over 30, that doesn't mean you roll over, act dead, and live vicariously through the 20-somethings by paying their way for everything their greed desires. In short, I'm adding messages to this statement I will always make with my exhibitionism: 

By wanting my presence to give such a message, I hope to see you there for support. To be entertained by me, and all the hot bods in their undies.

Come See Me: Sex/Intellect - Same Body, Same Mind

Since 2011, I have been invited to read poetry at The Rainbow Book Fair's COME HEAR! Poetry Salon.

It is an invitation I consider an honor, and for that, I have always graciously accepted. So the invitation to read this year is no different.

For the last few years, I have tried to make my 5-minute appearance within those 6 hours mean something. Something that will linger after I have walked away from the microphone/podium. Last year, I did it better than ever with the poem "Beauty To 44 & 5 Despites". I was constantly stopped by other poets and guests thanking me for addressing the way under-discussed topic of ageism in the gay community. And for that, I thank all who have viewed the viewed the video I did of me reciting the poem shortly after.

With that said, this year, I'm combating how here in America, we as a whole have a problem looking at a person as an intellectual being, as well as a sexual being in the same space and time. Over the years, I've often felt this was why I never saw fans of mine at both my appearances at Will Clark's Porno Bingo and the discussions I've moderated for Men of All Colors Together. This makes us hypocrites in how we present ourselves to the world, for Americaas a whole is nowhere near as evolved as we present ourselves. And I would like to change that. So my plan is to do 2 poems. Two (2) poems that make it unavoidable to see me as both a intellectual and sexual being because there is no break in my 5 allotted minutes.

So what poems can you look forward to for me to accomplish my goal?

Praising Missionary, which is a sexy (sometimes raunchy) foreplay poem about being a bottom, and proud to do so in missionary position.

The necessity for this poem is because "thanks" to porn, both being a bottom and missionary position are seen by many in our community to be ones of weakness, worthy only of disrespect. If you think I'm lying, look at the profiles of bottoms on hook-up sites, and how the bottoms at backrooms and sex parties (too often) allow themselves to be treated. So with this poem, I'm using erotica to instill a much needed mutual respect between bottoms and tops, primarily in the missionary position. With the bottom having the rare chance in any art form to initiate demands for that intimacy.

We Are Armed (H.I.V.E. Soldiers) is my poetic declaration written for those who are HIV+ and their allies.

It's to be their stand against those who are show prejudice towards those with HIV.

I'm scheduled to be on from around 3:15 - 3:20 pm. So if you're in NYC on April 9th, I hope to see you there. And while I'm shy, you don't have to be.

Please, feel free to come up to me and say "Hello".

The Expendable Gay Male

Why are so many gay males single?

It is a question often asked, but no one seems to have a real concrete answer. And if they do come up with one, they often do the talk, but not the walk. Well, while I am not perfect, I plan on letting this post show that what I say here comes from being both the wronged, as well as the wrong-doer. So I have learned my lesson. And by the end of this post, you'll learn how we can discuss this further in person.

Whether you meet a guy in a bar/club, at a sex party or backroom, or via an online hook-up it has become a norm that we have come to accept and display behavior to one another that says:

"I got horny, hit you up online (or left the bar/club with you), fucked, and never thought that for one second I owed you the courtesy of treating you like anything more than a hole to stick my dick in and/or a stick to tickle the nerve endings in my ass tunnel with. So excuse me for acting like that moment and night never happened, and/or not remembering your name. It's because in short, you weren't human to me. You were an expendable object simply there to satisfy my horniness. And I used you because I got sick and fuckin' tired of using my hand and sex toys. And for some unforeseen reason, you just happened to be a hole or stick that came with a pulse."

And hook-up websites and apps have only exasperated this problem. For they take away the face-to-face human interaction once required for a hook-up, which made us more human, therefore less often seen as expendable. Also, many gay males lessen their manhood by saying things like a guy named Douglas said to me,"Hey, it's a hook-up site. You take it too literally and too personally. It is what is and will always be just that. It's not the Love Connection with Chuck Woolery."

Keep in mind that Douglas is a minister-in-training. So with an attitude like that to exonerate himself from being dismissive of one's time, body, and emotions in a hook-up, only a fool would go to his ministry. For his statement is waaaay less embodying of those of a man worth being called a "minister". But I digress.

Anyway, just because the idea of dismissing the person as existing after doing the deed is considered "protocol", that doesn't make it right.

(If you think it does, come to my discussion on 1/23/15 and I'll give you an indisputable example to solidify this point.)

Now, I'm not saying that after a hook-up that you have to date, then call a realtor, because you're immediately a couple. What I am saying is that from the moment that guy either clicks on your online profile, approaches you at a sex party, touches you in a backroom, lust for you in a bar/club, or so much as kisses you in any of the aforementioned places, it is your God-ordained right to demand that he remembers the fact that first and foremost, YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING. So after sex, he should not be allowed to treat a Fleshlight or Tenga Flip-Hole with more respect than he treats you.

And if it's not those instances that gay males are using as a means to treat one another as expendable. It's circumstances like color/ethnicity, age, and even HIV status.

I've went over color/ethnicity enough times that I don't have to go there in great detail right now. If you're new to this blog, you can easily click on one of the links under "Category", and you can easily find stories to support how we are ostracizing each other for no good reason.

The same can also be said regarding HIV status as a means to treat one another as disposable. I also went over this in great detail in the blog post, "The 'Are You Clean?' Challenge".

What many gays don't seem to realize is that all of this ostracizing makes for bad Karma. Bad Karma punishing us for that dehumanizing treatment, which in turn makes many gay males end up alone. And Karma being the tricky bitch that she is will get you. For even after you think you've found the "love of your life", Karma makes you pay by taking that love away. It's payback for however many times you didn't show simple human courtesy to a person you shared your body with.

There is always that parent, family member, former friend, or job that distances themselves from us after we come out. However, that cannot be used as an excuse as to why so many gay males do it to each other, then end up alone and lonely in our old age. We have to start breaking the cycle of belittling.

And it won't stop until we address how it exist, and act humanely to one another to counter it. Hence why I will be continuing this in a discussion I'm moderating on January 23rd at the LGBT Center in NYC. There I will give more details to my stories, and give you the floor to tell some of your own. So until then....