Backstory & What If: "Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor's Husband"

In case you didn't know or have forgotten, I occasionally write sex articles for the sex toy company Kiiroo. A few months ago however, they asked me for an erotic short story. The one I gave was actually a true story. Recently though, I pitched to them a story that was actual fiction.

The idea was born out of 2 facts I've confessed to when porn is part of my masturbation:

1) I watch more straight porn than gay porn, and;
2) While I'm totally versatile in action, in my fantasies however, I'm more of a bottom.

Keeping those 2 facts in mind, then you are right to conclude that the pleasure one assumes that male is giving that female's vagina is pleasure I'm imagining him giving to my ass.

My masturbation fantasy is usually nothing more than him still being an actor in straight porn. So he has sex will a lot of women, and while I'm the only guy he wants, he is not in a relationship with me. In fact, whether he even has an actual relationship is never part of the fantasy. So since he's having sex with me and those porn starlets, he was definitely bisexual. It's just a matter of what kind of bisexual was he. More gay than straight, more straight than gay, or right down the middle.

In any case, when I decided to build a story around that fantasy, I felt a deeper involvement between the two was more interesting. At first conscious thought, it seemed unbelievable. However, the more I thought about the idea, the more I realized how the fantasy of me, a predominately gay bisexual having sex with a male who does straight porn as expression within a relationship...

This could possibly be someone's reality.

Like I said, for this short story, I made the couple have an actual relationship. Then I upped the ante some more. For the initial story idea was to make my character and the pornstar (whose name is "Zen Massif") boyfriends that had been together for a few years. Then came the last minute idea to up the ante even more so by making us married. It was a means to indicate how while being an unwed couple for a few years shows that you have been through a lot of discovery with each other, getting to the point of marriage means the bond is even stronger. You need such a strong bond if you're going to be involved with someone who is not only in the sex industry as a porn actor, but with whom you have a non-monogamous relationship.

With that in mind, I'm sure many are wondering why would anyone even fantasize, much less actually be so deeply involved with a porn actor. It is because sex between 2 (or more) people truly attracted to each other is a beautiful sight. Especially when the motivation bringing the together are pure. Such as being void of racism, or sexualizing of daddy issues, or glamorizing incest. When absent of such motivations, sex alone or in an orgy has a beauty more than words can describe.  Even if you know one or more of those people are romantically involved with someone else. With that in mind, the thought of watching my significant other being sexual attracted to someone else, pleasuring them that once (twice or occasionally), but always coming home to/with me to pleasure me many times over is a massive turn-on. Also, having that outside person be the means by which you can see the beauty of your partner's sexual motions that you can't see when he is with you, or that you might miss if you have strategically placed mirrors to see yourselves.

Keeping all that in mind, I titled it "Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor's Husband".

I wrote this story to be more of a preface for more tales to follow. Tales that could easily be adapted to become a porn film. So what if this story was to be adapted to become an actual porn film? With my ownership and pride in this fantasy, the only way a porn adaption would get my blessing is if I played the storyteller. So yes, I would actually come out of my retirement from doing studio-based porn to play that role. And hence why before the story was published, I made my own banner. Even though I knew Kiiroo would make one up themselves.

Now, if I would be playing the storyteller, then who would play my porn stud husband, "Zen Massif"?

Whoever I would approve of, with the exception of being in love with me, the guy playing Zen Massif would have to be a great deal of a real-life version of him. Firstly, he would definitely have to be sexually attracted to me. Because I refuse to fake the chemistry. Also, the guy would have to have shown his bisexual pride by being an out and proud bisexual. He cannot treat his straight or gay side like each side is on a half of a flip-switch. With that side it flips on being triggered only by the weight of dollars placed on it. Instead both his straight and gay side are triggered by the weight of the his prospective sex partner's sexual spirit.

The only way the porn actor can mentally and sexually differ from Zen is how his bisexuality does not have to be predominately gay like Zen and myself. He could be a predominately straight bisexual. Having just enough gay and a lust for me to fuck my ass into oblivion for all the world to see---at least twice.

The "at least twice" is in reference to my doing the aforementioned continuation of the story. That continuation depends on either how well the story is received, or just for my own entertainment. In any case, each part would be a sexual escapade featuring Zen and/or my character either together, or with other people that would also be one scene in a porn flick. And at least 2 of those detailed stories would have Zen with his husband.

Whatever the case, it would not be the overkill of bodies in most bisexual porn movies, especially of today. For most bisexual porn movies today are MMF 3-way after MMF 3-way. You hardly ever see  nowadays how and if the guy behaves differently when he is alone with a male compared to when he is alone with a female. The last time I recall seeing a total 1-on-1 scene within a bisexual porn was in the movie "Semper Bi", and that movie was made over a decade ago. With that in mind, I must sadly surmise that all the MMF scenes in one movie is probably a tactic used to prevent you from seeing when the male porn performer has monetized his sexual orientation. An act that is a total contradiction to the character of Zen that anyone playing him should not do. 

So will those stories happen? Only time will tell. In any case, I do hope you read the erotic story, enjoy it, then let me know if you want some follow-up stories.

SEX.... Never Lose Its Fascination

Sex has always been an interesting subject to me.

Looking back to being a grade school child when I learned exactly what sex is; then starting to masturbate, which gave me some idea of how great sex feels to the body; then as I got older, even as a virgin, learning sex was a beautiful and powerful thing. Such a powerful thing that it can create life. Then once I finally experienced it for myself, I further understood that power. Seeing how while I already knew that when done right, sex can create life in a physical state, I also saw how it can create life in a spiritual state as well. But I additionally saw how when done wrong, it can be just as easily end those states of life. So the older I get, the more I understand how we have to respect that power and not take it lightly. And I try to educate people to do the same.

Just the outward simplicity of sex... simple back and forth motions. Causing all those inward complexities of sensations throughout the body, effecting the mind, and changing lives. ALL OF THAT IS FASCINATING.

And as long as there is life to continue, it will never cease being fascinating. Especially among us human being. So I wrote a poem to talk about the never ending fascination that is sex. Enjoy.

How Straight Are Males In Straight Porn Really?

I have long said that there is nothing wrong with fantasizing about sex with a straight male. Wrongdoing doesn't come until you try making that fantasy become reality by imposing gay advances upon that male professing to be heterosexual when he has shown no evidence of the contrary of his professed sexual orientation.

So what about straight male porn actors? For with many straight porn actors, there are instances in many of their histories and performances that expose evidence contrary to their displayed heterosexuality seen on screen. Such as:

Having A Gay Porn Past

I'm discovering more and more of the straight male porn actors I lust for actually have gay porn in their past. Of those in the above collage, 4 of them are just a few of many. And I'm not talking about a solo jerk-off scene here and there for a gay porn movie or website. No, I'm talking about them doing a full-on sex scene of them giving dick to a male's ass, or taking a male's dick in their ass to the point of busting a nut. Even making intense eye contact during the sex.

For your average Joe, I've long said that a "straight" guy having gay sex 3 times or more exposes his claim of being 100% straight a complete self-denial. With a straight porn actor who has had gay sex on camera, it's more like 2 times. For with any porn actor, there is a camera on you, can create performance anxiety in a male. So if he can get through such a sexual scenario more than once, those males are bringing upon themselves even more question as to how straight they are.

Double Vaginal or Double Anal Penetration Scenes
When I initially posted something addressing this topic on Facebook, someone tried to comment that same-sex skin to skin contact does not define sexual orientation. Well, if you're talking about one male putting a hand on another male's bare shoulder or knee, in that regards, that person was correct. However, when you are talking about a male's genitals rubbing or touching another male's private area, like bare dick to dick, bare dick to ass, or bare ass to ass rubbing, any of which having a clear erection present, that is when I must strongly disagree.

And to prove my point, I just discovered the 1st (Oliver Flynn) & 5th (Tyler Steel) male porn actors in a double-vaginal penetration scene. No limps dicks present.

For a male of sound mind maintains his penile erection by his penis being engulf by pleasurable materials. So if it's not 100% the texture of a vagina or rectum, then the texture of that other guys penis is adding to his stimulation. And knowing of that other guy's presence makes it clear that those 2 guys are not as heterosexual as they claim to be.


If any male in straight porn that you can name displaying these indicators was to ever try to dispute what I'm saying, then that denial should cause one concern. For it means 1) that those male performers are not thinking of their scene partners as human beings; therefore 2) the sex is void of a spiritual connection. And I have stated many times that any sexual tryst should have a spiritual connection if it's to be considered a healthy one. Even a one-time tryst, like that in filming a porn scene.

Some of these male porn actors might not want to be considered bisexual. If so, then perhaps he should consider an article I applauded on Medium. It stated how while many of us focus on sexual orientation, there is also romantic orientation. I applauded that article because it definitely explains my defining as a predominately gay bisexual. For I am sexually attracted to both males and females, but males way more than females. Add to that how I am strictly romantically attracted to males. I feel these male porn actors in straight porn who display the aforementioned indicators of sexual fluidity might be the exact opposite of myself. Romantically, they are all about females, but sexually a male can spark something in them. How and to what extent that sexual attraction to males manifests itself is his call though.

Case in point: While it has been some time since I last had my dick inside a cisgendered female's pussy, my attraction to a female is often displayed by me flirting with them. Males in straight porn have an even more available means of release of that sexual attraction. They are put in situations where they get a chance to get that occasional sexual attraction to a male out by way of physical sexual contact with a male.

With that said however, I do wonder how do the male performers with a gay porn past display that degree of gay after they have stopped doing gay porn. Do they flirt with males like I do females? Are they having tryst with males off-camera and not making it public? Or worse case scenario, are they denying themselves a physical means to satisfy that urge when their body and mind is not made for that satisfaction to be achieved without physical contact? My concern about that scenario is that it can lead to the violence of gay-for-pay porn actors that I addressed 11 years ago in "Denied Self Becomes Violent Self".

My pointing out these indicators is in no way meant to throw shade on them. I'm well aware that studio-based porn is a business, and these guys passing themselves off as being totally straight is part of that. I'm just pointing out how there are signs within their history and performances that show these males in straight porn are some level of bisexual just as many of their female counterparts seem to be. Even more obvious because of the penis being such an obvious indicator of arousal. Now, whether or not they choose to admit to those signs, that is something that only their own sexual conscience will revel in or bury.

In any case, my lusting eyes is hoping for the former.

A Sexually Geeky's Why I ♥ Sex

Dick....

To mouth....

To pussy ….

Or ass!

One of the ways I describe myself in the pic below is “Sexually geeky”. But what exactly makes me sexually geeky?

I believe it’s my realizing how the simple aforementioned body parts are beautiful, and do amazing things on their own. However, when you combine 2 of these body parts together, the things they can do brought together are not just amazing. They actually become phenomenal. 

Perhaps you never thought about it. So let's look at these body parts one by one, and see their initial place and purpose, and what their pleasuring purpose evolves into. 

Dick 

A dick is amazing on its own. To me, even when flaccid it's beautiful. Perhaps that beauty comes from knowing how when it's flaccid, all it's good for is to pee and fondle. However, all it takes is someone to trigger a male's sexual arousal (perhaps by fondling), and that small, soft appendage suddenly grows multiple times longer and wider, losing that softness. So it's newly formed hardness can point at a target for penetration. 

The fascination continues when you think of how the back and forth of penetration, or being ridden by a person (or sex toy) causes a build up of sensations and semen. Making the male orgasm comparable to the eruption of a volcano, but with the sexiness of consent, it's the best volcano to experience. 

And whether the sex is for procreation or just an intimate connection to another human being, knowing that the semen, this seemingly harmless milky white substance that springs from a male's penis that initially seems to only be a sign that a male orgasm has transpired, proves itself to be much more when you remember how semen carry sperm, which create life. So it's stimulating to realize that male has (because of you) expelled the very thing that helps to create every human being you see. 

So these instances makes a dick show that initially, it's just interesting. However, when it meets its target, its abilities along with that of its target, makes it grow in physical size as well as interest.

And you have to admit that to be true regardless of your sexual orientation. For it’s why many lesbians or predominately lesbian bisexuals have stayed in heterosexual relationships, honestly claiming to be sexually satisfied, despite realizing their homo- or bisexuality. 

Mouth 

Ever since you came out of your mother's womb, the mouth has been used as a means to eat, then express yourself by speaking, and held contorting the lips a certain way to convey emotion. At no point thinking that at some point, using it to kiss would make it become part of your activity after you learn about "the birds and the bees". And an even greater shock to learn that as you become more advanced in your sex play that your mouth could become a powerful tool in foreplay with your playmate/lover/spouse. Such a powerful tool that a blowjob (when given right) feels so incredibly good that males of various cultures have for centuries tried to make themselves entitled to it simply because they have a dick. 

Or in some cases, using the mouth to perform fellatio, cunnilingus, or rimming is used in place of vaginal or anal sex for one reason or another.

With that in mind, perhaps this is why so many can be bad at oral sex, or even bad at just kissing. These people have never allowed themselves to evolve in realizing that a mouth is good for more than just speaking, tasting, and eating food. They need to learn you can taste and eat off your sex partner as well. Thereby making the "need" for flavored lubes become obsolete. For you won't need or want anything to change the sexy flavor of your sex partner's skin. 

  

Pussy 

What a vagina is called going back and forth depending on its purpose at that the moment is already fascinating. That fascination grows even more once you describe those abilities it has in that particular purpose. 

Such as how when a female gets her period, and when she is giving birth, it is called its scientific name, vagina. However, when a woman becomes horny, or is in the midst of curing her horniness by masturbation and/or sex, that scientific term "vagina" morphs into numerous words that some consider to be dirty and scandalous. Inciting shame in the sexually repressed. Meanwhile, a word-perv like myself can easily get turned on by such words, and with no shame about it. And the most common of those words is "pussy". 

After addressing that fascinating fact, let's talk about what a sweet pussy can do. It was likely thought of as a pussy when the male put his penis in it, stretching to accommodate its entry. Then again a vagina, where it became the canal in a female's body by which a microscopic seed of life expelled from that dick was put in, making it not have to stayed stretched. Then usually 9 months later, it stretches wide enough to introduce to the world that microscopic seed that has over those 9 months formed into a human being. Then it goes back to being soft flesh – becoming a pussy when it welcomes being filled again by a finger, penis or sex toy for pleasure. And when a penis is allowed to enter, the pussy embraces it. Making it become a means to give pleasure to a male, as well as herself. Thereby making the physical and spiritual connection that is sex. 

And again, this is what one must admit regardless of orientation. It’s why many gay or predominately gay bisexuals stay in heterosexual relationships. Because like a dick, a pussy can feel so good that you procrastinate in acknowledging your true self. The most common way that you can deny it is if you’ve never tried it.  

Ass 

Like most children, I was unaware of the many ways sex can happen. Even though I experienced an orgasm by jerking off, I thought in some strange way, gay males were able to achieve orgasm by being dick to dick. Once I got older and realized gay male sex was primarily anal sex, I then had an inner-conflict. 

For my Christian upbringing was saying "Ewwww". Meanwhile, my gayness needing to be released was curious to know how was this possible. How was it possible for a body orifice that I was for almost 2 decades taught was "exit only", and is only entered as a form of rape, is actually entered willingly by some? And not only that. But it is entered willingly because pleasure can be given from that entry? 

Ever since I came to hear of this possibility, anal pleasure has been something I craved to experience. It went from playing around my hole with my finger. To actually entering it with my finger. More and more, it made me want a cock inside it. 

Now, that I know of that pleasure, while like the typical male, my cock craves penetrating an adult human orifice, but when I bottom,… I’m an insatiable power bottom.

I’m fascinated by how once a skilled guy enters my ass, I’m able to withstand every thrust until he’s unable to enter me again. Even if it means his dick being inside me for over an hour. And I marvel at seeing the slightest hunger for anal penetration in others. 

I probably would have never come to these realizations about sex had it not been for me overcoming the sexual repression imposed upon me. Making this another testament to the saying that “every dark cloud has a silver lining”. And part of that silver lining is seeing sex and all of its parts as beautiful. Not ugly. Not shameful. So all of my writings and videos on the matter of sex is to pass those realizations, and joy from them on to you.

My Sweet 16 at CumUnion

February 9, 2002.

That was the day I went out to Splash Bar (now gone) in NYC, walked through the door, and all my years of trying to figure out if I was straight, gay, or bi finally came to a close. A close that made me realize that I was bisexual, but a lot more gay than straight. A discovery that made me ready and willing to have sex with a male, which I did just a few hours later. And since those few hours later came to be after midnight, the date of me losing my virginity is February 10, 2002.

That makes it now 16 years to the day of me coming out to myself, and losing my virginity. My Sweet 16, if you will. And Sweet 16s always get a celebration. So how did I celebrate mine?

Everyone has their way to celebrate such moments. I chose to go to the sex party, CumUnion.

Quite fitting to those of you who know I lost my virginity during a 5-man orgy. And I found my 1st playmate for the night before I even entered the party. In fact, even before I paid my entry fee.

I walked down the stairs of Paddles where the party was held, and as soon as I got down the last flight of stairs, I saw an older guy with thinning blond hair on the line to get in with one person in front of him. The guy appeared to be around my age. He gave me a quick grin to acknowledge me. Then as he waited for the person in front of him to pay and go in, he took that waiting time to take a few more quick glances at me to check me out. I didn't let on that I saw this, but I did the same to him. As I noticed his good looks and took note of what I could gather of his build in his winter jacket, the louder my sexual precognitive voice screamed to me about us, "Y'all 2 are gonna fuck!"

After checking in my clothes, I saw that guy walking around for a good 15 minutes. He was still looking at me, so by this point I knew for sure his gazes at me earlier were not my imagination. Then I went on a trip to explore the backroom. It was pretty dark, which I hate. So I went to the part of the backroom where there was more light. That's where I found him again, and he found me.

As soon as he saw me, he took my cock and started stroking it. I grabbed his ass. It was nice and smooth. He then turned his back to me. Grabbing my dick for me to put it in. Earlier when my inner-voice told me that we'd fuck, it didn't make aware if I would be a top or bottom. As far as I'm concerned, it could have gone either way, but I was getting my answer at that point. Telling me that I'm going to be a top.

My cock went inside him, and his ass jiggled with each of my thrust. His ass felt great. We drew a small crowd from our moans and the slaps of my crotch against his booty. I didn't come, but he felt good enough to be a candidate to look for if I wanted to release my load.

I must admit the next guy I topped did get me a good bit closer. Maybe because I had some leftover climax-building tingle from the guy I topped before. If it wasn't for the voyeurs who were living vicariously through us to the point that they kept touching us in interfering places, I probably would have shot my load in his ass. One thing I was glad to see of myself was that this guy was also close to my age.

This back-to-back topping had me concerned that the usual would happen. That every white guy there was going to expect me to be a total top. Some black guys might be cool with this, but being that I was celebrating my coming out and losing my virginity, I also wanted to show off and celebrate my sexual growth. Primarily my becoming versatile. A great change from the total bottom I was 16 years ago. So this constant topping was getting me a little stressed. Then someone came along to pound out that stress.

This tall hottie with light brown hair, possibly red kept coming near me throughout the night. With his full lips and bubble butt, I immediately wanted him the top me the second I saw him. After seeing him fuck a couple of other guys, I thought he had no interest in me. So just as I was moving on, my peripheral vision saw him coming up behind me. I thought he was going to walk pass me. Instead, he stopped and stood behind me. He moved in closer to the point his dick grazed the crack of my bare ass, then his shaft got closer, and deeper in the crack. Growing larger with each motion forward. I reached back to touch his thigh, and in return, he put his arms around me and started kissing my neck. I allowed this for a quick bit, then turned around to face him, and squatted down to suck his dick.

His dick was semi-hard when I started sucking it. Then it grew in my mouth to become rock hard. With his moans of pleasure, I felt his cock throb in my mouth once. He picked me up and turned me back to having my back to him. He leaned me over the medical table in front of me. I quickly reached to my preparation pouch that was gartered on my left thigh to prepare my ass for his entry. I put spit lube on his cock, then he slid it into my ass. He started thrusting into me, and more and more he was hitting the spot. So much so that without even touching myself, my dick was getting hard and I could feel my pre-cum (or cum) edging closer and closer to the tip of my dick. Knowing at any moment, that edging jizz could soon become a drip with a long tail. And just before it got to that point, he came. I could feel every throb of his cock letting out that cum, and he didn't pull out of me until the very last throb and last drop were in me.

That tall hottie wasn't my only top for the night. So my celebrating gave me an equal number of bottoms and tops with a short, sexy Latino that arrived later in the night. He caught him eyeing me as soon as he walked in. Since you never know how those things will turn out, I didn't push to make anything happen. We wound up near each other by chance, and he came to me. We grazed each other, then immediately started making out. I led him over to the side in the back area and positioned myself on all fours. I lubed us both up and as soon as slid inside me slowly. But once inside, he pounded my ass cheeks so hard, it felt like I was being topped by someone twice his size.

At one point he asked, "Do you like that?"
I replied with an exasperated moan, "Fuck yeah!"

My dick was getting hard with each of his thrust. And once again, I felt his hungry cock milk my prostate. Making me pre-cum without touching myself. Or as with my previous top, possibly full-on cumming. Because at least for me, pre-cum just appears. There's no sensation telling me it's happening, unlike cum, which be its arrival to my cock, fast or slow, I feel it. Much like I did with both of these tops.

This makes me come to a realization about my sexual growth. About how as I get older, and more comfortable I am with my sexual body playing with others. I'm finding myself getting near cumming without touching myself. I take it to be that after all this time, the Sweet 16 of my coming out, my body is finally learning to let go when I bottom. What probably took it so long was the fact that my sole sexual interaction with my body up until the age of 30 was masturbation.

I'm sure this point of sexual growth could have happened sooner. I surmise that in addition to my anxiousness from my late coming out making it take this long, there's also how 3 years after my coming out, and losing some of the anxiousness, I unknowingly resurrected it by my getting into porn. So now, almost 8 1/2 years after retiring from the porn industry, my body is having the response to sex it should have naturally. For I never did, nor did I that night use drugs to ease myself to the pressures of being good at sex. Not even poppers.

So as with all of my sexual adventures, I have found the lesson I needed to learn. In this case, the epiphany about my own sexual development. So THANKS, CumUnion and Milk Chocolate NYC for a great celebration you had no idea you were giving me for my Sweet 16.