Sex Party of Appreciation Or Fetishizing

• At a naked party I recently attended, the only other black partygoer there besides myself quietly asked me, "Why doesn't anybody like me?"
• 
  
• As much as I didn't want to say it there, as I get older, I no longer care in waiting to tell a truth needed to be told. So I felt if anyone hears me, and has a problem with what I say, then they would expose themselves as either a guilty party, and/or an enabler of the problem.

So I unleashed the truth by telling him specifically what that problem is...Sexual racism, and how it is very much alive in 2017. Even though we have a great host that is welcoming to all colors and ethnicities, a number of guests are not that open-minded. Their actions show that if you don't fit into the color spectrum of white to light, then you get a polite "Hello" (if that), and nothing more.

In the midst of my saying this and more to further explain my point, I think that in my passion, my voice carried. For I heard one guy say to another in the next room, "It's just sex, You're overthinking it!"

Maybe it wasn't them kiki'ing over what I was saying. However, since that response is a very common racially insensitive white response to when I address the issue of sexual racism, it's only natural for me to feel it was very likely directed at what I was saying.

• 
  
• So in my suspicion and needed venting, I posted this on Facebook, then made a screenshot of it, to post on Instagram the next day:

• #sexualracism #racism #interracial #interracialsex #blackandwhite #racialinsensitivity #gaysexparties

  A post shared by LeNair Xavier (@lenairxavier) on Jul 11, 2017 at 8:13pm PDT

• After some likes on Instagram, I got this comment from @ciscofashionnyc, and followed by my reply:
• ciscofashionnycquestion i have is.. if you feel that way, why would you attend sex parties where you feel that’s the case 😕 go where you will appreciated ‼️ #Facts#NYC #KiKiWithCisco

lenairxavier@ciscofashionnyc Because the only way one can get away from it is if they're such a coward about the reality of racism that they attend an all-black party. And since I love and honor the diversity that comes from being born and raised in the USA, and a native New Yorker, I'll be damned if I'm going to let some racist trash heaps chase me out of a place. Especially when some there do appreciate me, furthering the intent of the welcoming inclusive host.

As long as that reply is, because it was Instagram, I didn't reply with as much voracity as I will now by adding:
Being black and allowing myself to be exiled to attend an all-black party makes me just as racist and cowardly as the whites whose actions exiled me there. Furthermore, what exactly is an indicator for Black males to "go where you will be appreciated"? Is that attending a party catering to "bruthas and their admirers"?

If so, then that's advising that I attend a party enabling more racism. For attending such a sex party, says I'm low enough on self-esteem to allow myself to be made a fetish of. Because the non-black "admirers" attending such parties are there for that purpose, even if they're too brainwashed with white/light entitlement to realize it. Plus, enough porn companies pull that crap, leading a plethora of ignorant whites and non-blacks to follow it. And for that reason, instead of sticking my dick in their ass to give them some "big black cock",  sticking my fist through their face and beyond as punishment for their ignorance sounds a lot more inviting. So to avoid going to that dark place, I don't attend events marketed in that fashion. 

After my initial response, I then got this question asked:

ciscofashionnycso why are you focused on the negative and not highlighting those who do appreciate you / instead of giving so much light to those with dark hearts ⁉️

My reply:

lenairxavier@ciscofashionnyc Because those with dark hearts do so because no one calls them on it.

The racism of gay media endorses and enables their dark hearts. And that damage will never get undone unless someone with the means to do so holds them accountable. Social media gives us all a means to do that. Plus, their behavior is rooted in narcissism. So they want attention "all about them"? Then they should have been careful with what their actions wished for.

Which brings to how those who appreciate me not being narcissists. So they don't need the public praise. And I have offered it to them. But many I talk to about giving it to them don't want it, even anonymously. It's because they know who they are, and the good they have within. And you can't help but respect them for that in the way they see fit.

Again, I let some explanations slide in my response. First, with hindsight being 20/20, I realize that answering my fellow black partygoer there with the risk of being overheard was me subconsciously giving the guilty their overdue calling out for their behavior. And it seemed to spark a reaction that paves the way for a discussion to many black males are guilted by whites into not having, with themselves or with whites. So at first I would have apologized for answering the question at that time. But now I see it was the right thing to do.

Second further explanation, if the person commenting kept in mind what he also sees of me on Facebook, he would have easily seen how I do give praise to those who appreciate me and my brown skin. Blog posts as recent as "When Pornstars & Their Lookalikes Fuck Alike" is a perfect example of that.

My playmate from that encounter was a white male who resembled white straight porn actor Mark Ashley. The reason I didn't highlight his appreciation of my darker skin to his pale skin was because it was just that - appreciation. Not fetishizing. Giving me such a level of peace that in telling the story, instead of focusing on the presumed absence of racism (sexual or otherwise), I was able to focus on the sexual bliss. For our attraction to each other was not me seeing him as an attractive white man, or (as far as I knew) him seeing me as an attractive black man. We saw each other simply as 2 attractive men. With skin color not being a necessary part of that beauty. When skin color is not part of the discussion, it makes for a beautiful tryst. And that's how it should be.

This is not to say that I'm against praising a man's skin color. Because I have been blessed with the gift of sight to see your skin color, and I maintain the wisdom to find both light and dark skin worth admiring. But sexual racism being what it is, we have to be mindful to not tell someone too much about that aspect of their beauty we are admiring. For too early of a reveal can lead to us giving ourselves to a racial fetishist, then calling them our lover, then life-partner. So one should let the overt admiration of their skin color be earned over time.

With all that said, what keeps me coming back to that party? It's who I mentioned before - the inclusive host. While a number of the white/light guys there will stick to their racist white gay media-endorsed mantra of "it's a preference", totally oblivious to their own racism, the obvious welcoming of the host is what keeps me coming back. For that welcome is true appreciation.

Now, if you go to a party, and the host is fake, and obviously unwelcoming, then that is when the beauty of your skin color is not appreciated. And that is when your patronage should cease. But as long as the host is doing their part, keep coming back.

The Bible of Gay Sex is BLASPHEMY

The publishing company Bruno Gmunder published a book last year titled "The Bible of Gay Sex". I flipped through this book, and all I saw was white and light-complexioned Latino porn actors. Images to say that they are the epitome of sex and sex appeal, and all the rest of us are only worth being their voyeurs. And to be sure, I flipped through this book a number of times to make sure I didn't miss a person of color that wasn't considered "passing" like light-complexioned Latinos are by the white-preferring racists of our community.

I say "white-preferring racists" because in addition to whites, there are Blacks, Middle Easterners, and Asians who have been brainwashed by the racist domination of media, and the racist ignorance of their native cultures to also play a part in perpetrating the idea of "white is right".

In my Aries stubbornness and 6th sense telling me there was a black model to be found, I one day did indeed find a black model. Only one, so it was a bittersweet find, because that meant, as usual, they were practicing tokenism with black males. Then in a fraction of a second, the bittersweet became a little sweeter. For the black model was....bottoming.

Yes, you read correct. A muscular black model bottoming.

Since showing black males bottoming with white sex partners was one of my goals in my getting into gay porn, I was quite happy to see this.

But the remaining fraction of a second made the bittersweet find that turned a tad sweeter fall into being sour then vomit-inducing spoiled. For this muscular black male bottoming in the photo was doing so... while snorting lines of cocaine.

So Bruno Gmunder, saw fit to publish a gay sex education book depicting its sole black male as a drug addict.

With Bruno Gmunder as the book's publisher, that means they have final say. That by no means exonerates those in the chain before this book went to print for their part in this racist depiction of black males during gay sex. In this case, that would be Cazzo Film Berlin, Steffen Kwelke (layout and illustrations), picture editor Simeon Morales, Dolph Caesar (final layout), and Zwei G Consult (production).

My annoyance is because I'm tired of the limiting view of black males. Depictions orchestrated by racist white males and their sexual insecurities. Expanding for the better their depiction of black males in one way, while shitting on us more so than before in another, which in turn evens out to no progress at all. For the sheer purpose in their so-called minds is to still have us blacks "kept in their place". All of this done with these whites having an unjust sense of entitlement thinking that we blacks should not complain, because "at least a black male was featured".

Furthermore, why is the black male the drug abuser? Because based on my many inter-ethnic multi-colored encounters, be they 1-on-1 or in a group with me as the only black male in the room, my sole black self is the only person in the room not participating in substance abuse. Not even poppers. So this false imagery of white/light complexioned males being the epitome of sex and sex appeal really needs to stop. Especially when my position is further proven by how many more white/Latino porn actors die each year than blacks, or how in a bar/club with multi-colored patronage, how more often than blacks it is that a white/Latino gay male is thrown out for being unruly under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

For those who are really the epitome of sex and sex appeal don't need such substances to invite, incite, or participate in sex. Their natural, untainted sex drive makes all of that happen.

So I am also annoyed by how such imagery and more porn is perpetrating that a bottom can't get through a fuck without substance abuse. Even poppers. And I don't care whether or not what is written in that book counters substance abuse like it should. Due to the aforementioned racist display and negligence on the part of the Bruno Gmunder, and all other parties, this photo in 2016 furthers porn's influence into our sex lives, and not for the better. For it still depicts bottoms as the position of weakness in gay sex. When in fact, such a bottom is not the weakness, but the weaker. For a strong top doesn't want a bottom weak bottom that needs drugs to get through a fuck. Therefore, the top is also weak for tolerating, and most likely inciting the substance abuse, and the bottom is weaker for following.

I predicted "The Bible of Gay Sex" was a racist shit-show as soon as I saw an endorsement on the back cover from of all creatures, Chi Chi LaRue.

With his trifling "Blackballed" series inciting naive white males to make sex with black males a fetish, and a history of movies that make blacks seem otherwise non-existent, therefore unworthy (in his eyes) of sexual notoriety, it's no surprise that he would endorse something putting us black males in a bad light.

With all of that said, I don't care how correct the information on gay sex may or may not be in this book. Because the packaging is DISRESPECTFUL. And I feel every gay male, regardless of their color/ethnicity should feel that way. And in response, boycott buying "The Bible of Gay Sex", and boycott anything from Bruno Gmunder until they cease printing on that edition, and come back with a more respectable edition. One that is way more praising and respectful of color diversity. Like a real book to be considered a "bible" should be.

Sexual Narrow Mind

Many things in the gay community dictate the perceptions and sexpectations we gay males have of one another. Based on everything  from our skin color, age, exhibitionism level, sexual orientation, etc.

The problem is... many of them lead to life as a lonely single gay male, using certain sexual exploits to overcompensate.

Unfortunately, the main influencers to this problem among us are once again, gay media, porn, and nightlife. For our straight parents can't tell us what it means to be a gay male. Add to that how many running outlets of those aforementioned gay sources tell you to do away with even the decent principles your straight parents taught you, you will then end up with gay males having ignorant and limiting outlooks.

Sadly, they will always be the main contributors to this problem until a complete overhaul is done. One that adds new blood to surge through the veins of these influential sources. New blood from those who are more self-assured, ethical, non-racist, therefore more representational of our country's rainbow of skin color. When that happens the relevance of poems like "Sexual Narrow Mind" will no longer be.


Sexual Narrow Mind from LeNair Xavier on Vimeo.

Breeding Black Armor By White Insecurity

People are the products of their environment. These environments have often programmed their proclaimed standards long before you met them. If those standards contradict your own, those signs of that environment might fade a bit in your presence. Unfortunately, like a computer, they often reboot in that person when they leave your presence.

So since most media, events, and the most-respected people in gay society do not teach inclusiveness, we have moments where some (mainly blacks) get overwhelmed feeling like the outsider. Even if they normally forge head-first into the situation as a means to combat it, like myself.

Such a situation has people wearing an armor, even if the event has us totally naked. And with that, there comes a point when that armor must come off. You can and should take the armor off yourself. Otherwise, it will fall off unexpectedly. Resulting in awkward, and sometimes dangerous situations.

I usually take the armor off myself. By either the event ending in time, or me removing myself from the situation. Recently at a party however, I didn't do the latter, and the armor fell off. Thereby creating, not a dangerous situation, but definitely an awkward one.

The host had no idea as to what caused my usually cool, calm, and collected self to suddenly bolt out the door. I later explained giving a much more condensed version of what I'm saying here now.

Many black males experience this, but will seldom (if ever) reveal it out loud. Meanwhile, those whites and light people of color whose selfishness refuse to discuss racism since they so massively benefit from it need to learn empathy and compassion.

At the aforementioned party, I was fine a t first. However, the smaller the crowd got the more I felt the energy making me "the black man in the room". Many black male party-goers feel this. Either drinking themselves into stoopers, or making themselves the main drug connection for whites, and getting high with those whites to avoid feeling the reality of being "the black man in the room". That's why I'm more prone to address it. I'm always sober enough to see it, feel it, therefore remember every detail to acknowledge our community's moments of progress, but too often lack thereof.

Like I said, this is something I, and every other black male feels at just about any gay event in this country. And the only way to avoid it is to exile ourselves further by attending all-black parties like the one I mentioned in a Facebook post I wrote about a Latino I played with at a CumUnion party. And as a born and raised New Yorker, therefore a born and raised American, I should not have to exile myself like I'm in Pre-Civil Rights Movement America when the year is 2017. Especially when the heads of gay media, party promoters, and porn producers further inciting this racism are transplants to this multi-colored and multi-ethnic mecca that is my home.

Any black male you meet telling you they know not of what I speak is in denial. Either that, or they're telling you a bold-face lie to cover the guilt racially insensitive whites and bougie people of color try laying on us. Calling us blacks who speak honestly on this matter, "angry black men" if we dare to bring this matter up.

The question created by these situations are:
Why are blacks and other darker people of color still being made to feel inferior, when they are not by any means?

Well, the answer is the same as it has been throughout American history. It's what brought forth slavery. It's what brought forth segregation. It's what brought forth gender inequality along with too many other forms of inequality... WHITE MALE INSECURITY.

This insecurity is born out of how it is very likely encoded in our DNA that when we are put on any kind of pedestal, we fear the day (and way) we fall off of it. And it is inevitable that we will fall off of it. For every thing man produces has mortality.

So a white male's time on a pedestal appearing as the epitome of sex, beauty, and intellect; light-complexioned people of various ethnicities given those same props because the whites running media consider them as "passing"; all of the aforementioned seeing a person of a darker color or certain ethnicity, and initially liking what they see, but turn their eyes away just as quickly because the programming kicks in to think of those people as "ugly"; and for all of them, youth being their ticket to climbing that segregated ladder...

ALL OF IT WILL DIE AT SOME POINT. Ageism dismissing older gays will start it on its way. As for its final resting place, maybe not in my lifetime, or yours, but these ways of life will die. And no matter how much of a bravado is put on by those benefiting from that racism, every one of those people are dreading the day their time of being seen as a stud, a muse, or a genius dies.

Worst part of it is that for generations, these gay males still have never realized, therefore ignored teaching the next generation that the more they play into that racism, the more they act entitled to its perceived benefits, the more it's going to hurt when it's time to come down. It's probably because each generation had and has an arrogance saying things like, "I like what I like just because" or worst, "It will never happen to me."

Well, don't we already see the signs that beg to differ? For you can't miss seeing in the bars and clubs, the lonely old white and light-complexioned males buying lapdances and "alone time" with go-go boys. And long before that and very much on-going, how older guys are the main clients for escorts/prostitutes. So basically, those younger gays doing these gigs, are doing so for their lonely future selves.

How much worst does it have to get for us to realize that this RACISM (sexual and otherwise) NEEDS TO STOP???!!! All of this makes it clear how actions like this racism in the gay community creates a chain of livelihoods that shouldn't even be called "livelihoods". For they are making our community put on a happy face when in all actuality, we are imploding.

Therefore, all of the aforementioned acts create a path that benefits no one.

Scum-Dump Trump

In the wee-hours of November 9, 2016 Eastern Standard Time 

The public's vote screamed "Hilary!" 

But the smaller electoral vote screamed "Trump!" 

Leaving the public to lose faith in the system 

Since Trump has become our President-elect  

So to those who voted for Trump 

And those who voted 3rd party, and now complain 

I have some choice words for you 

That you need carved into your brain.. 

Every woman sexually assaulted 

Every black person called "nigger" 

Every Latino called "spic" 

Every gay called "faggot" or "dyke" 

Who are then bullied and beaten for that natural difference 

Their blood is on your hands 

Every transgender person called "freak" 

Every Muslim reading the Koran 

Every pregnant woman needing an abortion 

Every immigrant seeking the American dream 

Ostracized, taunted, and beaten 

For making a decision to save less their wallet, but way more their soul  

The blood of the unborn and unrealized is on your hands 

It's not all of the blood 

But if you have any resemblance of a conscience 

Even a tiny drop is too much 

And since you filled in that dot on that ballot 

I guess you have no conscience at all 

Now you might say 

Those acts of bullying are people acting on their own 

Well, the bully in them might have been dormant 

But the biggest cyberbully lit that ugly spark 

The cyberbully YOU voted to make 

The leader of our great nation... 

And his actions are to make him 

The ultimate validator 

For he should be the ultimate example of America 

But this Scum-Dump… 

…named Donald J. Trump 

What is he the ultimate validator of? 

He is a validator of racism  

He is a validator of sexism 

He is a validator of misogyny 

He is a validator of sexual assault 

He is a validator of overcompensating machismo  

He is a validator of bullying  

Therefore, he is a validator of cowardice 

All signs of this were shown at his rallies 

And it has now poured and grown onto our streets 

Since he was declared the winner  

Declared winner by the electoral college 

NOT by the people 

So if you Trump trolls beg to differ 

About Trump being a true worthwhile leader 

Where was his "masterful" voice 

Telling these verbally and physically violent people 

To STOP this violence at his rallies? 

Where was his "masterful" voice 

Asking for them to peacefully disagree? 

Instead, he further incited them 

Giving them the greenlight to go ahead and be cruel 

So this long overdue call for calm is seen for what it is 

Like his Trump University settlement 

It's a crock to hide the crook 

And you know why he was silent for so long? 

It's because CONGRATULATIONS! 

To all of you who voted for Donald J. Scum-Dump Trump 

You are all his minions! 

You are all his bitches! 

Doing all of the dirty work 

He's not brave enough to do for himself 

It's like you're all employees for the Trump Organization 

And he's doing the something, yet nothing that he has done before... 

...He's not paying you shit! 

Much like he has done with his taxes 

Anyway, I said before that I guess you have no conscience 

Then why am I talking to you? 

It's because I'm hoping you have a human heart 

One that now feels regret 

After seeing the results of the choice you made that fateful day 

A day that has caused for the 1st time in my lifetime 

Marches in cities across the nation 

Repulsed by the government's decision of a president-elect 

For as I said before, 

The people's vote cried "Hilary" 

But those in government 

Protecting their take-from-the-poor-give-to-the-rich credo 

...It's them who cried "Trump" 

So please feel regret 

Prove to me, but more importantly to yourself 

That you are not such a narcissist 

A narcissist like the scum-dump 

Whose name is Donald J. Trump