Top Me, Bottom - an erotic poem

While I think this poem is self-explanatory, its lyrics might have gone over some readers' head.

The gist of it is that if a man says he's a bottom, no matter how much you might want his cock in your ass, don't pressure him about it. Much like I said in "How To Make A Versatile Bottom Top", let him know only once about your interest to have him top you, then leave the topic alone. Let circumstance bring him around if such is in the cards for him. And even if that never happens, take solace in the fact that you have masturbation to get off to the thought if it happening.

Fuck Train Engine

In my blog article "Evolution of My Bottoming", I mentioned how the French guy I was with made me the front of a fuck train, while he was the center. And how he was such a skilled center in picking up the rhythm of the guy at the end (the caboose) that I could feel the fuck rhythm changed when that last guy entered. That made me also reminisce about a couple of 3somes I had with a hot couple in Harlem. And how I experienced the same shift of who was running the fuck rhythm because of them being that much of a sexually in-tuned couple.

With that said, as far as my sexual history goes, I have been the engine, the passenger car, and the caboose of a fuck train. However, my favorite part is being the front - the engine.

After a social media posting, I was reminded that there have been a number of misinterpretations of what a fuck train is. Mostly because guys hear a term, and don't properly investigate the exact details of its meaning..OR they make up a term just to so their male sexual ego can say they made something. This has led to many confusing a "fuck train" with the terminology of "running a train on" someone. I personally feel the term "running a train" is quite idiotic because it is already what is succinctly and more appropriately referred to as a "gangbang".

So I made this drawing to give a visual of what a fuck train is. As for the color of the bodies, it's my way of giving a big "FUCK YOU" to the narrow-minded perception bestowed on us by porn. For all of the fuck trains seen in porn make it seem that only white males are sexually adventurous enough to participate in a real fuck train.

Plus, a real pleasurable fuck train is only 3 bodies. Not 4 or more. These 2 pictures may look hot because of the vast number of men being sexually charged simultaneously counters so many forms of sexual represssion. However, in actuality, it's another stint of a porn director living vicariously through his performers. Telling them to do something that may look sexy optically, but is by no means pleasurable in real life. For the too many bodies make it is a ball of confusion.


Well, truth be told, my fuck train experiences have been pretty much the skin color scheme I drew. I was the front of the fuck train with the medium skin tone; the guy in me was lighter complexioned, and the guy who was the caboose has always been the darkest. This was never intentional. It just worked out that way. And I'm quite proud of it because the diverse skin tones show how being sexually adventurous is not a market cornered by one skin color.

With that said, I am well aware that I am not the greatest artist in the world. I've been drawing since I was in kindegarten, but fell off from improving my skill. However, I do maintain enough skill to make my drawings say what they need to say. And in this case, it is to say...

THIS IS A FUCK TRAIN.

Evolution of My Bottoming

Back in my porn days, during one of my too many visits to Lucas Entertainment, Michael Lucas asked me if I could cum while being fucked. I told him sometimes. Well, the fact is that was a lie... then.

It's quite rare that I lie, but one of the few times I do is when I'm giving answers about myself that are lies at the time, but will actually be my truth in the future. So the reason I tell the lie is not out of an intent to lie, but because I can foresee that future so clearly that I refuse to verbalize how it is untrue at that present time.

With that said, as much as I hate to lie and being lied to, what I know of Michael Lucas and my own history of dealing with him makes me feel no regret about that lie.

Especially since a recent trip to CumUnion made that lie about myself back then finally become my truth today.

My French playmate pounded away at me, and I realized that my dick was semi-hard. That is not unusual when I bottom. But I am never compelled to jerk off. I'm always about enjoying the dick, and letting that be where all of my sexual pleasure comes from. This time, I decided to go for it. As soon as I started jerking off, I could feel my physical orgasm coming. In fact, it grew in me slowly getting me to the point of ejaculation. And when it happened, I thought, "Oh my God, it's happening! HOW is this happening???".

I could feel the cum start oozing from my dick and onto the side of my finger. Then an even greater shock happened... I wasn't done.

I kept cumming. With the intensity of the orgasms growing, leading my cum load to grow as well. I surmise it was a cumload like the one from me playing with my SackJack.

However, even with that heightened intensity, I still wanted my playmate to keep his dick sliding back and forth in my ass tunnel. He did. And with not one single request to stop from me.


I have never been one who could masturbate while bottoming, then shoot a cumload. I could however do it while using an anal sex toy. With that, I always surmised that it was because, unlike with a human being, while using a sex toy, one doesn't have to focus on an actual human being's needs, desires, and in-the-flesh beauty for sexual fulfillment at that moment. But even without cumming from jerking off during sex, the sex still usually satisfied me. So I resolved myself to how the mental orgasm I spoke of in an article for Thotyssey is what I would always have with a guy.

I always wondered though that if and when I finally jerked off and came while bottoming if I was going to be one of those guys who once they orgasmed, would they end the sex. Thankfully, that was not the case.

This concerned me because as I have said before, if I'm getting good dick, I become an insatiable power bottom.

Keyword - INSATIABLE. Meaning keep going because their is no ending to this pleasure for me.

For I have always loved, loved, LOVED, LOVED  a hot guy's dick in my ass. Hating when the time comes that he has to take it out because life happens.

So I always feared a physical orgasm from my body's penile satisfaction while bottoming would make me go back on my word. Since the typical response to a male's penile orgasm includes an end to the sex. The mental orgasm I get knowing the pleasure my body is giving my sex partner allows the sex to continue.

We later sat cuddled together on the sofa upstairs. Just enjoying sharing a space with each other. I know it sounds romantic, even though it was a sex party. But that's the kind of energy I give off.

My sexual energy gives off my true view of sex - a physical and spiritual connection. Many gay males don't have the depth and/or maturity to handle that even at a sex party. If they're a top, their hard-ons are sparked by guys who they see as empty vessels to take their cock in. And if they're bottoms, they're holes widen for guys who they see as empty vessels who don't really care about in who they put their dicks. In any case, even if they talk to the person, such actions shows that they are drawn to someone who has less respect for their own humanity.

Anyway, we got so comfortable that neither one of us realized that we had both fallen asleep. We woke up because the party's host came upstairs to announce that the venue was preparing for Encore, the after-hours party held Fridays and Saturdays at Paddles. The host saw us on the sofa as he headed back downstairs. Teasing us by asking "When's the wedding?", because the last time my playmate was in New York, we met up at Paddles, and the host saw us cuddled together then as well. Like I said, I give off that kind of sexual energy, and a sweet few are deep and mature enough to embrace it.

Luckily, that nap re-energized us. We saw the after-hours crowd come in and be horny as fuck. We watched, but never got up from the sofa to get involved. I liked his naked skin against mine so I kept stroking his thigh, and occasionally kissing his chest as I leaned on it, and reached up to kiss his neck. The entire time, he kept stroking my shoulder and kissing on me.

Knowing he is inspired by watching people fuck, I started fondling his dick and balls, even before the after-hours crowd arrived. He was getting semi-erect before then. But once the after-hours crowd came in, he got harder, and harder.

What really sparked him into action was how while I was on my playmate's left, a Black guy was getting a blowjob to his right. The Black guy and my playmate started touching each other. The Black guy reached to include me, and I reciprocated by rubbing the smooth skin of his forearm, and reaching across my playmate so I could continue the travel of my hand to reach and massage the Black guy's shoulder.

This went on long enough that my playmate's dick got rock-hard and wanted to fuck my hole yet again. He was trying to include the Black guy by having the Black guy fuck him while he fucked me. You see, my playmate is actually quite skilled in a fuck-train. Hence the following tweet the following afternoon:

Thinking back to last night's @CumUnion NYC hosted by @MilkNYC, and how skilled my playmate is at being the center of a fuck-train.

He finds his top's fuck-rhythm, then copies it, so I (as his bottom) feel that same rhythm, but with his dick.

OMG!!! That Frenchman can fuck!!!!

— LeNair Xavier (@LeNairXavier) May 25, 2019

However, the Black guy never took my playmate up on the invitation. So it was just me and my playmate once again. That re-energizing nap led to my playmate thrusting into my ass for what must have been about an hour or more in various parts of Paddles. Eventually, he came inside me. I could feel the throbs of his cock as he let out his load. This was when I went back to a mental orgasm. Because at no point during that entire hour (or more) of bottoming did I stroke my cock. I was so turned on by his body in me and on me that I needed nothing else to stimulate me.

In any case, I'm thinking back on the pleasure of both Acts I and II. Learning I can now get off by both a mental and physical orgasm. This leads to new sexual information about my bottoming that I didn't know before.

So now, there is versatility within my versatility. 😉

Evolution of My Topping

After losing my virginity in 2002, I was a total bottom for about 2 years. Always knowing that eventually I would become versatile, but for the moment, I was a total bottom, and okay with that. That is why I always tells customers in the sex shop to be patient with themselves for whatever their goal may be.

Once I started topping, I always said that after 2 years of being a total bottom that in my versatility I am a much better bottom than top. No matter what percentage of being a top or bottom I was, even when my versatility reached 50/50, and a good number of playmates praising me as a top, I still felt my skill set made me a much better bottom.

I recently had 2 encounters with which I saw myself becoming more confident in my topping skills. An evolution, if you will. The signs of this evolution might not seem obvious at first, but I will explain how so, and why it is for the better later.

The first incident happened at The Cock. I was behind a curtain, and this guy was sucking me off. Right next to me was a short hottie that I've played with before. As he watched me get my cock sucked, he laid on his back on the bench while playing with his hole. The blowjob was pretty good, but watching that short hottie play with his hole made me rock hard, and needing to be engulfed by not a mouth, but the 98.6 degree and rising warmth of a hungry bottom's ass tunnel.

The past times I topped the short hottie, he assumed the position to be topped doggy style. Being the ass-man that I am, that made it easier to get turned on, start fucking him, and keep fucking him. This time however, seeing him in position to bottom in missionary made me want him right away. My craving wasn't to look at his ass while inside it. No, it was solely about being inside him. Seeing the beauty of his ass was no longer a crutch to get me hard and keep me hard. Just the thought of being inside him in any position was all I needed.

Before I'm called a hypocrite regarding Rule #5 in my rules of blowjob etiquette, I initially was planning to give my dick to the guy giving me a blowjob. But he was sucking me for so long that he seemed like sucking my cock was all he wanted to do. A man that is going to be worth my interest knows to do as I do - stop sucking to check on his playmate to see if he eventually wants that cock made hard by a cocksucker so it can go in his cocksucker's ass, like it should be. This guy never checked in with me for that. He was sucking me for all eternity and I was getting bored by it. As I mentioned before, he sucked it pretty good, but he never offered his asshole. My playmate from my past laying on the bench next to me did offer his asshole.

I went in my pouch and got out some lube to put on my cock. I then slid my cock inside him and started pounding with so much passion. A degree of a passion I've done while topping doggy style, but never in missionary. The more he moaned in pleasure. The more I touched his bare skin not covered by his harness and jockstrap. The more I wrapped my arms around him to go deeper inside him. It all made me not want to stop. But I did stop, so I wouldn't come. Because I have a feeling that if I did come, I would not have stopped. I would have probably shot a raw load in his ass, and kept pumping so I could try and shoot another. Fucking him so long that the lights would come on in the bar because of it nearing closing time.

The other instance happened at a Milk Chocolate NYC party.

I had already topped from behind while standing this sexy guy who was around my height. The entire time I thrusted into the soft cheeks of his ass, as much as I loved looking down to see those cheeks squeeze with my every inward thrust, I wanted him on his back. So I could look in his eyes right below those sexy eyebrows.

Later on in the night, he and a guy that he and I both had bottomed for earlier were sitting on a sofa in the space. Another guy put his legs up and started fucking the hottie. This put the thought back in my head of how much I wanted to look in his eyes while my cock is inside that amazing ass. Then the other guy stopped. So my chance opened up. And when this hottie saw my hard cock eager to get in him again, he opened his ass up along with that chance.

I got on my knees and put my hard cock inside him, with his legs leaning on my shoulders. He lit up the deeper I went in. And when I started pumping into him, he lit up even more. Maybe because my cock was also swelling from feeling his body hair and playing with his big dick. In any case, his being pleased was undeniable for me to see because I was looking right into his eyes.

So how do these 2 occurrences show that I am evolving in my topping skills?

I have long been saying that sex is not just a physical connection, but also a spiritual connection. The latter is one many gay males try to deny. Hence why doggy-style is the most common position at a sex party or backroom. For both connections exist even in a backroom/sex party tryst, and doggy-style, while a great position for a top to view the ass he is pumping into, it also helps a top avoid looking into his sex partner's eyes, which are windows to the soul.

With that said, those 2 encounters with me craving, then being a top in missionary shows me evolving because before then, my spiritual connection that I said was part of sex was obtained in my mind, but less obtained by our sexual position. Therefore, giving no guarantee as to whether or not the spiritual connection that was obtained before the sex was truly maintained during the sex. By me topping in missionary, a more intimate position, I have now evolved to obtaining that spiritual connection by more physical and definite means. A position where my playmate and I look each other in the eyes. Where we can see the beauty of healthy lust, and ask for more. Or see its ugliness and part ways soon after.

Since in addition to being horny, I need to vibe with positive sexual energy from the person(s), I believe the lust we'll have will most definitely be the beauty of healthy lust.

The Expected Porn Return Fail, Courtesy of Treasure Island

Back in May, Treasure Island Media tweeted a request for models. I clicked on the link and applied. With all that I have said about the gay porn industry, I'm sure you're wondering why I would do such a thing. Did my desperation for validation return with such a vengeance that I chose to put myself through all that I've said bad about the gay porn industry all over again? Am I that pressed for cash? Or is it a combination of both?

The answer to all of those possibilities is actually a loud and echoing NOOOOOO!!!

I did it partly because due to my firsthand experience in the porn industry, I was feeling I wouldn't be able to further justify my annoyance without trying to get back in it again for a brief moment. Even though standing on the outside looking in as I have been since I announced my retirement in 2009, I see many signs to let me know I made the right decision. But still, I wanted some firsthand confirmation. So as long as I still have a good look, I thought why not go for it. Besides, after all that I have said about the industry and them, the worst they could do is say "No".

Well actually, I filled  out the application on a Friday afternoon (May 11th), and got an email the following Monday morning (May 14th) a little before 9:30 asking me to come in to make an audition video on May 25th. I responded that I was okay with this, and all I needed in response was an exact place and time. A number of days passed with no response. Then after asking again on May 22nd, I finally got a response saying:

Hey LeNair, 

First off let me apologize for the delay in getting back to you. I was out of the office for the better part of last week. 

I reviewed your application with Max Sohl. 

Based on your past interactions together, he has decided decline your application. 

I am sorry for any inconvenience and wish you the best of luck going forward.

With that response, instead of me asking you to read through an entire old blog post to let you know the exactness of that past interaction with Treasure Island Media director, Max Sohl, here are the 1st and 2nd paragraphs of the blog post "Seeking The Silver In The TIM Dim Cloud" that explains it exactly:

"At the end of February, I was attempting to make a brief return to porn. The studio was Treasure Island Media where in one email  to describe the shoot said they were "treating it like a paid audition" with a group of 5 or 6 guys who were all versatile and ready, willing and able to flip-fuck --- and it was a total bust. I can't speak for the others, but for me, I could not perform with someone's body odor reeking in the room. Especially when we were instructed to wear deodorant. As far as I knew, this was not supposed to be a bear shoot where stench is looked upon as a badge of honor. Yet instead of the director telling the person with the body odor to either 'hit the showers, or hit the road', we all had to try to endure that stench, which intensified as the heat in a hotel room rose because of NO AIR CONDITIONING.

This is why if I make an official return to porn, I'm sticking to my rule of knowing my scene partner beforehand, because I let that rule slide once since making it, and look what happens! Had I known this guy would be there I would have probably bailed on the idea of working with him, because I've worked with that guy before at a live appearance, and seen him at parties, and body odor was something I experienced EVERYTIME while being near him..."

So with this incident as my and Max Sohl's past interaction, what is the other reason as to why I took a chance and applied to Treasure Island Media?

It's because, first of all, time has passed. Me and Max Sohl both have had 8 1/4 years to look back on that incident, and ask ourselves if our position during that incident should have been different. Now, over my years of blogging, I have owned up to a good number of my missteps in judgement. However, for the reasons I stated in that old blog post, I had no reason to change. In fact, me changing from that position would be me lowering my standards, and going back to being the stereotypical prey of the sex industry. That prey being the disenfranchised, marginalized, broken, unloved, and self-loathing because of being the aforementioned. All of which are easily manipulated by all parts of the sex industry. From prostitution, to porn, and even sex retail. And me allowing that would be me undoing  all the maturing I have done to give me this much more sense.

This brings me to Max Sohl. He is entitled to not changing or growing. However, it shows an ongoing failure in his character. One that is too common among most porn directors and other heads in the sex industry overall. Making them the predators that they too often are. Thereby justifying the negative stigma about them.

I can't say verbatim, but I can come very close to verbatim as to how on the model application, as I said in the beginning of this post, I made it very clear that I said disparaging things about the porn industry and their company in the past. I also said to them that me accepting an offer from them would be a step in undoing some of the negatives that I have said about the industry and them, and I would be willing to publicly state that.

These statements were clear as day in the comment section of my model application. With that being the case,...

Why was I even offered an audition before my application reached the eyes of Max Sohl? It's because of a very common unorganized sequence I have found in the porn industry. So if I wanted that firsthand confirmation of the gay porn industry still being fucked up, I guess I got it proven with that move from them.

Perhaps Treasure Island Media had that much trust in this casting director, Kyle's judgement. Even so, if you read something from a model application where the applicant admits to saying bad things about the company, common sense should tell you to not give a "yay" or "nay" to the applicant about anything in the casting process until after you have spoken to a higher positioned person. Namely, the higher positioned person those disparaging statements are about. That common sense move was not done here. So my time and professionalism in getting the schedule right was wasted.

If so much as an audition video had happened, I know me returning in front of any studio's camera would raise some eyebrows to those who remember me as "Tre Xavier". It would have been a move that my fans and followers now, which may actually include anti-porn activists, would want to know why.

Even though it's rare, there are times in the porn industry that a big fallout between porn actor and porn company happen, and a reconciliation happens later on down the line. So why wasn't the situation between Treasure Island Media's Max Sohl and myself one of those cases?

Could it be because being that I wasn't what he sees as a "draw"?

After all, if you look at Treasure Island Media's record of black models, it's no different than most white-owned predominately white/light casting porn studios. Having more than 90% of the black males they use playing what I've long referred to as a "gorilla nigger" top to some white and light-complexioned person of color. Fetishizing low self-esteem having black males for a profit. And all that I have stated about the industry, my goal to be a versatile Black man still celebrating bottoming with any color, and my own sexual performance shows that even if I topped for any studio's camera, I would not play that gorilla nigger role. For such a role is a downgrade of me (and anyone who plays it) as a man, and makes one's presence a disrespect to sex overall. Lastly, even with their name in the title and photo on the DVD cover, bottoms in porn are treated as lesser beings primed for abuse. This is especially true of Treasure Island Media, which since this incident I realize is adding substance abuse to their list of abuses. So part of my applying was to give them a more respectable display of bottoms.

In addition to my not playing that negative racist role, the fact that I as an adult entertainer have enough self-esteem to lay down such laws for myself very likely also makes them (and most other porn companies) unwilling to deal with me. Especially when they are white and the knowledge and strength of that potential model is wrapped in medium to dark brown skin, like mine. For it shows that I'm not the sex industry's usual target when a predator is in charge. You see, while I may be part of a group that is disenfranchised and marginalized, I do not present myself as being hurt or broken by it. And that makes the stereotypical predatory head of a sex industry business very uneasy.

I had hoped to see that Max Sohl had grown up, and taken ownership of his fuck-ups in that old situation. As we can see, such is not the case. And it is most likely because porn actors low enough on self-esteem keep coming back. Enduring whatever unpleasant and unhealthy conditions he throws them in, instead of challenging him to do better by them.

Some of you are probably thinking that my calling out guys in the porn industry out like this is why less and less porn companies wanted to work with me, and would not consider taking me in today fi I tried harder for a return to the industry. Well years ago, Chris Steele of Jet Set Men tried saying the same thing to me about not working with me because of all I've said about Tyson Cane's antics on porn sets. And in response, I told Chris' dumb ass the same thing I'm telling yours...

What I've put folks on blast for in the porn industry are acts of ignorance. If you have enough faith in your character, then you know that you would never do the dumb shit I put someone on blast for. Therefore, you would have nothing to be worried about in working with me. So such a statement says more about your lack of integrity and faith in your own humanity than it does about my work ethic and sense of self-worth.

Proof of that statement being true is Ben Marksman, the director of one of my last movies "All Out Assault". After initially meeting at The Gay Erotic Expo of 2007, I gave him this blog's address citing certain posts to tell him what I had experienced in the industry by that point, and what those instances made me come to decide to work with and not work with. So he became fully aware of all I've said about the many directors by name while we were in talks about working together. And he still hired me. Why? Because he had enough faith in his own integrity and character to know that he would never do those things. And that humanity is why he is the only person I met while in the gay porn industry that I am still friends with today.

So you see, I am aware that there are some, but too few decent people in the porn industry.

In closing, if I seem angered by all of this, know that "anger" is not the right word. The correct word is disappointed. Disappointed in the fact that I was once again right about an ill within the adult entertainment industry. You see, as much as most people (including myself) normally want to be right, this is a situation that I would like to for once publicly admit to being wrong. But this outcome shows that day is not today.

4 Dicks To Bottom Resurrection

I'm versatile, but it had been awhile since I last bottomed. Long enough of awhile that I had to use one of my sex toys to take the edge off. That says a lot when, truth be told, I rarely use my sex toys. And as you can see, I have a lot of just anal-friendly sex toys alone, and more have been added since the above pic.

One of those nights, I tested my new FemmeFunn Wireless Turbo Baller dildo to twirl around in my ass while I imagined getting pounded by one go-go boy I drool over at The Cock. This was prepping me for Saturday which was a day I was hoping the bottom in me would get resurrected. In fact, it NEEDED to be resurrected.

I go to a private naked party in Jersey just about every month. It was so much fun. Even more so since it is strictly by chance that the 2 hot guys I had sex with....I bottomed for. AND while I'm not a size-queen at all.... those 2 sexy men had the 2 biggest dicks at the party.

But FYI, my bottoming for the night did not stop at that party.

You see, I rode bus to the Port Authority as part of a group of 4. Then I found myself doing something I've never done, and always hated seeing other do. I parted from conversing with the group to focus on my phone. I did so because I got a text, which is highly unlikely for me because of the time (1 AM).

That is unless it a booty call.

As it turned out, it was a member of a couple I've played with before. A couple that put my hole through it months ago by both of them trying to fist me, tag teaming me, having one dick in my mouth and another in my ass, and then double-penetrating me.

I could have ignored the text. However, even though I'm versatile, when I get good dick (like the 2 I had at the Jersey party), I become an insatiable power-bottom. I concede when there are no more givers, but I am always ready if a sexy new arrival comes along. So being hit up by that couple was just the new arrival my hole desired.

So since the 2 dicks I had at the party made me horny as fuck, I was ready and willing to take whatever that couple had planned for me. And I write this post saying that I was also able.

As soon as I entered their place, my clothes were off in no time. With tasting both of their cocks in my mouth, and their tongues on my asshole. Wetting it and teasing it of the pleasure soon to come by the head of their amazing cocks passing through. Followed by them putting me in every position. From tag-teaming me doggy-style and missionary while the other watched; to doing doggy style with a dick in my asshole and another in my mouth. Then came what I knew the 2 monster cocks I took at the Jersey party prepared me for ----- being double-penetrated.

Since one of the couple was a tad darker than me while the other was lighter, part of my sexual bliss was born out of being the center of a sexy skin rainbow. A sight not enough in the American gay community look to welcome, especially at parties. It's what can often make more intimate gatherings like this more appealing.

With that, the sex ended with each of them having me on my stomach. I could feel my ass cheeks be a pleasing cushion to each of their hard and fast inward thrusts. Burying their cocks as deep into my ass as possible. The sweat from their bodies rubbing against me. And with my love of wet naked bodies, I had no complaints. They both filled their condoms with a good load of jizz. And my male ego was sweetly stroked by catching the slightest glimpse of what had been accomplished by the tightness and flexing of my hole.

Thanks to the MTA (Metropolitan Transit Authority), with all of its transfers because of weekend track work, my train ride home took an eternity. And after all of that sex, great sex, I was exhausted.

Exhausted, but without one bit of shame. Because of that, I could hear the stanza from my poem "Strut of No Shame" that reads:

I’ll leave not walking, but strutting with no shame
Reeking of sex
Wearing it proud like it’s cologne

Proud of the scent’s effects
Smelling of pheromones, sweet cum,
Salty sweat, and happy tears
I’ll see people turn up their noses  

And I will have no shame or fears

For I spent the night with 4 guys putting their amazing cocks in my ass. 4 guys working up a sweat by thrusting, pounding, throbbing, (and some) then cumming because of my hole. All of that sweat on me, and I never showered before leaving Jersey or after I left the couple that DP'd me. So all that accumulated musk was on me.

Because of the time of the night, the trains were not crowded. However, even with a wool trenchcoat on, someone might have caught a whiff of something. And if anyone did, daring to make a face, I would have simply wrote off their being "appalled" as them covering up their envy.

Reunion/Redemption Sex In The Men's Den

About 2 years ago, I wrote a post for my LXtreme Tumblr titled "Swiss Navy, Change Is Not Always Good". It was a tale about a sex party in which I experimented with Swiss Navy's Premium Anal lube with a playmate I've had the pleasure of having inside me before. The lube however, has clove flower extract, which is a natural ingredient, but causes numbing. This in turn led to me being denied me feeling the pleasure that time around. Not to mention that numbing turns off your body's natural alarm to tell you and your partner if you're overdoing it. Luckily, my playmate was skilled enough to not put me in that situation.

I had a number of guys tell me they were glad I wrote the post. Whoever handles Swiss Navy's Twitter account obviously felt differently. For one random day, I decided to go to their Twitter page...

All to discover that I was BLOCKED.

Oh well, they're not the best lube anyway. So there was no need to be devastated. What was devastating me was my not being able to redeem myself to my playmate from that encounter. For we saw each other at a couple of parties since that one. However, I was not prepared to bottom. So for 2 years thus far, since I strive to give the best of myself even in my casual sex encounters, in the back of my mind was a desire to have some reunion sex with him to redeem myself. I owed him for my pretending it was great sex. Especially when the fact that it wasn't great that time was not his fault in any way, shape, or form.

I recently went to a party called "Men's Den". It was only my 2nd time going. The 1st time I went, I was a bit of a wallflower. This time, I was sure me being a wallflower would not be the case. I just didn't know how soon after my arrival.

As soon as I walked in, I noticed a white guy who looked familiar, but before I could get settled in the room and investigate it, an older white guy approached me. I felt some sexual attraction to him, but his aggression of not letting me get settled in made the attraction short-lived. So I politely moved his hand, and stood on the side to settle in. Once I felt more settled, the guy I noticed as soon as I walked in came near me. His immediate look at me told me why he looked familiar. It was because he resembled my playmate from "Swiss Navy, Change Is Not Always Good". Then "resembled" turned to certainty once we greeted each other with "Hello".

We stroked each other's cock immediately after that "Hello", and started making out. So the sexual spark between us was definitely still there. But I didn't want to get my hopes up that night was going to be the night I could redeem myself.

At one point during our making out, I had my back to him, and he played with my nipples and cock. There was a dark-skinned black guy with this beautiful ass standing at a diagonal from me watching all of this. Me and my playmate both saw him, and moved closer to him. I laid down on my stomach on the edge of the bed with my playmate on top of me. The black guy's rock hard cock was right in my face, and I started sucking on him because he was a hottie on my To-Fuck list. Because that guy had an ass I couldn't decide if I wanted to put my cock in it, or grope it in missionary while he stuffed me with his big, tasty dick.

If my personal mission wasn't to redeem myself to my reunion playmate, I would have gladly made what was starting as a 1-on-1 into a 3-way. However, I'm not your typical gay male, jumping from one guy to another, even before I've even finished what I started with the one I'm already with. In short, even as a sex party tryst, I'm loyal. So since I was already in the midst of playing with my reunion playmate, I reluctantly stopped sucking on the black guy's cock and proceeded with my reunion playmate. As we continued, he grabbed a condom. That made me realize that my wish for the night was coming true. He was going to top me.

We got more on the bed. He laid me down on my back. I raised my legs, relaxing my hole to take him inside me. My hole twitched watching him put the condom on his hard dick, because it meant I was that much closer to having my ass filled with it, then his thrusts. So when the head of his dick touched the edge on my hole, it sent a tingle on my hole. A tingle that started spreading all over my body the more his cock went inside me.

While I could still hear chit-chat in the room, his tall frame hovering over me made me forget all about them, while also blocking my view of them. He was all I could focus on. Correction, he was all I wanted to focus on.

We later changed positions to where he was on his back, and I was riding his cock. Next to us was a cute light Latino getting his dick sucked. He looked at me, and tried to kiss me. Since I knew my reunion playmate didn't mind me playing with others in some capacity while with him, I let the guy kiss me. We both liked how the other kissed, and we kept going back for more. Our kissing got to be so much that I didn't want to part with it. Nor did I want to stop riding my reunion playmate's cock. So I had to re-position myself to do both comfortably.

I turned myself to ride my reunion playmate's dick at about a 45 degree angle, and stretched my left leg out. I moved my right leg in between my top's thighs, put myself back in the squatting position, and rode my top's cock while kissing the hottie still getting sucked. Yes, I showed myself to be quite flexible for 46 years of age.

I don't need to go any further with how the action went. For my goal was accomplished. He laid his pipe inside me, and because that Swiss Navy lube wasn't part of the picture, I felt every sweet sensation from his every thrust of, and every ride on his dick.

After my playing with my reunion playmate, we cuddled. During that cuddle, I admitted my being glad to have run into him. How I felt I needed to redeem myself, and telling him why I needed to redeem myself. So yes, I told him about the Swiss Navy Premium Anal lube numbing me to feel the pleasure his cock gives my hole. And due to his great sense of humor, he laughed about it. Especially since it gave me more reason to give him my ass.

Some of you are probably thinking, "He was just a fuck, not your boyfriend. So why all of the concern of wanting to 'redeem' yourself, or 'do right by him'?"

It's because, even if he's a tryst at a sex party, or a bar backroom, he is still a human being. And his actions towards me more so proved that.

For he never treated me like he wanted me just because I was Black. He never talked about me "loving his white dick", or him "loving my black booty". I simply had an ass he wanted to fuck, and at times, a dick he wanted to take in. No mention of color required. And when he topped me, it was with passion. Not aggression to emulate a modern-day rendition of a white man raping his black slave. Nor did he ask for aggression from me topping him where I was the black male using hole-tearing sex on him to avenge the abuse my forefathers suffered from slavery. That was not us. Even more deserving of a reward since all of our previous trysts were at a party that fetishizes black males in its marketing. Very contrary to this party whose marketing puts everyone of every color and ethnicity on the same level. So with the aforementioned negative actions having no place with us, if I screw up a fuck, he (and any man like him) deserves my desire to redeem myself. Making it my duty to give my booty when that opportunity for redemption presents itself.

And here was that opportunity, and I'm so glad that I honored it.

Roots Of My Stance On Poppers

Every stance we take has a root much like any plant, flower, or tree. So while I have been very harsh in my stance against poppers, I figured I should explain what the roots of my hard stance against poppers are exactly. So maybe, you'll understand, instead of thinking I'm just being judgmental about poppers for no reason. and if you're using them, you just might find my roots good reason to reconsider taking another huff.

Whatever choice you make, the choice is yours.

And as to why I'm so scantily clad while explaining all of this to you, for that you have to watch the video....

How A Versatile Bottom Tops

Many versatile bottoms top so seldom that when they do top, they surprise even themselves. At least that's been the claim of every versatile bottom that has topped me. Well my thought is they have a dick, and all of our cock's naturally crave to penetrate or be massaged for stimulation. Even if it's the palm of our own hand. So a bottom suddenly deciding to top is not an impossibility. A fact I can definitely testify to.

For it seems that I have a history of leading versatile bottoms to have topping moments. The way these moments came about was by me not doing much. This leads me to wonder what did I do, or what do I have to make them feel so comfortable and confident about topping me.  Well, I've come to realize that it's at least 3 of these 4 things:

Give them the option
As I mentioned earlier, my bottoming for versatile bottoms often resulted from me without warning, being put into a bottoming position when I initially thought that they would be assuming that position. Such was the case with my playmate from "Prince Albert Goes Inside". I showed up intending to be a top, got rimmed by my intended bottom, then the next thing I knew, he lubed up my ass, and put his cock in me, fucking my ass hard for almost 45 minutes straight. Some would say instances such as that border on rape. I beg to differ. For as the old saying goes, "you can't rape the willing". And that's what has happened each time for me.

Early on in our meeting, I asked if they were top, bottom, or versatile. They at first say "bottom", then they say "versatile bottom". If I reveal my being versatile after, I always tell them that if at any time they feel the desire to top me, don't be afraid to take advantage. And I've enjoyed each time they took advantage.

Don't dwell on it

When I tell a versatile bottom to not be afraid to take advantage, I tell them that one time, and if I see them more than once, I hardly ever bring it up again. I might say that they have a beautiful dick, but I'm not pressuring them to put that beautiful cock inside my ass. It's more so to give them a blowjob. 

Because with no huffing on poppers required - I love, love, LOVE, LOVE sucking dick. The entire journey of it from looking at it up close before it goes in my mouth, to the taste of its head and skin. And I love to taste and swallow the cum that fills my mouth because of my cocksucking skills. And I always let any bottom I'm sucking on know that's why I'm so eager to suck their cock. The discussion about him topping me, was already said and done, so moving on.... until he's ready.

Give them confidence

You have to give a versatile bottom confidence that they are not less of a man because they bottom. I feel the need to give them that confidence because gay males are too often their own worst enemy by stigmatizing being a bottom. Or being versatile, like myself for that matter. Because it's a common act in porn for bottoms to be belittled, and a common "joke" in gay comedy and drag shows in a demeaning way to label someone as a bottom when they admit to being any degree versatile. Because of this, a versatile bottom doesn't often feel confident enough to admit to their own versatility. For most of the gay male community has now been taught to not acknowledge it. So I try to let my invitation to let them top me give them a safe place for their versatility to shine.

For if you help a guy that's any degree of a bottom to feel that bottoming does not lessen their manhood, it might lessen their anxiety in using their dicks as part of the play when they're with you. I surmise that media-induced anxiety might also be a reason why so many bottoms use poppers to  loosen up. Because if you're truly confident in your bottoming, even if it takes a couple of tries, you'll relax to accommodate the cock(s) you want to take in with no chemical required.

Due to the aforementioned confidence-killers, you instilling confidence in your partner is also necessary if your versatile bottom is not that well-endowed. When you give him the option to top you, if he notes the size of his cock as a reason why he doesn't top, inform him as to how you're not a size-queen. Now, I did say as a previous step to not dwell on it. In this case, if he brings up doubt about his size more than once, then you re-assure him each time as a response.

Have a nice ass
This is what in the introduction of this list that I was referring to as the "what do I have" to inspire versatile bottoms to top me. And it makes perfect sense for it to be so. I'm sure that my sexcapades in which I inspired a versatile bottom to top would have never happened if not for the aforementioned previous steps, as well as me having this ass that I am often complimented on.

This is not to say that using the previous 3 steps without what you think is a great ass won't inspire a versatile bottom to top you if you want him to. Because just like giving our hearts to love is inspired by traits within a person, those same traits within a partner can also create that spark to make us give our bodies to lust.


With only 4 steps, it doesn't take a lot of steps to get a versatile bottom unsure to his topping skills to become more self-assured. What it might take a lot of however is patience. For the damaged done to the male ego by the aforementioned confidence-breakers might take awhile to undo. So if you're willing to wait it out, you may in due time get a truly versatile bottom. One that might even go from versatile bottom, to totally versatile.

Either way, your patience will be rewarded.