The Social Destruction of Fan Paysite Pornstars

I have a friend with benefits that I have fooled around with for a few years now. We have discussed numerous times about making a video because the sex between us ---- my dick inside his beautifully round ass----is SO FUCKIN' HOT.

Sometimes, when we get together, I'm ready to place both of our smartphones so we can make a video from 2 angles instead of just 1. However, just as quick as it enters our minds, we let it leave. It's because our lust for each other takes precedence. Making the only buttons we want to push not be those on a camcorder, the camera app on our cell phones, or the webcam on our laptops. Instead, the only buttons we want to push are those in and on our bodies to trigger one another's erogenous zones.

If porn actors and others with accounts on fan paysites like OnlyFans, JustForFans, and 4MyFans had that same kind of depth towards each other, then such sites would not presently be all the rage. Nor would they be a new rabid sign of how we are failing each other. For while we already know that sex is a commodity to them, their account on such sites shows just how deeply troubling such an outlook on sex really is.

When I did studio-based gay porn, I cherished my sex away from the camera. I never even propositioned a playmate during that time about recording us. Hence why the videos of me with someone on my XTube account are all after my retirement from studio-based porn. It's because I wanted my sex partners to know that I wasn't "on" while I was with them. I also wanted them to know that the sex I was having with them was about me enjoying their company first and foremost. Enjoying and reveling in the pleasures born from the sights, sounds, taste, textures, and smells from the joy and intimacy of the sex. Unlike those on these fan paysites, my playmates weren't a means to build up my marketability, even as a sex educator. If they exemplified a point that I've often made, like my playmate in "Why It's WE Fuck", it was strictly by chance.

In that and all of my other videos with someone, we were so into each other that we never looked at the camera. Unlike many on those fan paysites. Many of them can't get enough of looking at the camera while fucking. Never realizing how that look in the camera exposes:

• their desperation for validation through porn
• 
  
  
  an indicator of how in their narcissism, they want to make money from memberships so bad that they refuse to enjoy their sex partner and communicating that to their sex partner by looking into their partner's eyes. And sometimes, if they do look in their eyes, it's not with their own eyes. They instead use the eye of a camera. Lessening their intimacy with that person. Signifying so much more social ineptitude;
• 
  a sexual display that is all a put-on. When these porn actors play to the camera in their videos, you are never allowed to play voyeur and see their true sexual self. So if you're dumb enough to pay for it, then you're paying for a fake display. And the more you pay for it, the more it reveals your lack of respect for the connection that should come with sex. Especially when it is to be viewed by others.

I'm sure many have one of these fan paysites to have sex where they can reclaim control over their sexual self and escape from the loud-mouth and scrutiny of a porn director living vicariously through them. Working in such conditions, I understand a porn actor's need to escape. However, they need to wise up... Because what good is their "escape" when during their sex away from a studio, they're still playing to the camera? Also, where is the reclaim of power over their sexual self? Because in the end...

You are still somebody's bitch. You are still owned.

The difference is that instead of being owned by a studio-based porn director, you've now become a owned by your subscribers. Going from clocking in and out to be one power's bitch, then clocking in to being an even greater power's bitch. And quite often, it's within the porn actor's own place of residence. So where is the "home", and where is the "sweet" in your "Home Sweet Home" now?

Sadly, you sold it. While selling away the joy of having a praiseworthy sex life. And the "praiseworthy" I'm speaking of is solely about the serenity and intimacy that a mentally and emotionally healthy sex life should have. Because call it a job or not, it's still sex. Therefore, even if it's just a tryst, it needs that spiritual connection to be mentally and emotionally healthy sex. And that does not happen in many of these fan paysite scenarios.

Some on sites like OnlyFans have the fuck-faced audacity to ask you for tips so you'll see the very content that you subscribed to them for in the first place, which is deplorable. Many porn actors try to say they don't deserve to be looked down upon, but when they pull stunts like this, they most definitely deserve it. Because a subscriber already paid to see you totally naked, and/or to see you fuck. So asking for anymore money is you being another greedy, lecherous stereotypical prick that the sex industry is known for. So you're keeping the negative stigma associated with the porn industry very much alive. Congratulations, asshole!

With such methods, the way many do their fan paysite accounts makes them always "on". So they in turn have no real sex life. And the more members of our community act like this is okay, the more we are contributing to the lack of intimacy in our community's relationships.

Speaking of intimacy in relationships, let's address those who are on these sites and claim to be in relationships. What does this say about their significant other?

Well for starters, their "significant other" can't really be that significant. To themselves or the porn actor they're involved with. For after all I have said here thus far, do you really think allowing an even longer chain to the porn industry than that of a common studio-based porn actor makes an emotionally and mentally healthy relationship? Or does it contribute more so to the growing social dysfunction in the gay community?... I say the latter.

Since this is so often for the sake of bigging up the amount of material to put on their fan paysite accounts, and making "commercials" for their porn careers, it causes and justifies the lack of respect many have for sexual performers today. The ripple effect of this ignorance is that it causes true exhibitionists like myself to be seen just as worthy of disdain and unworthy of respect. In spite of the fact that our respect for you as a voyeur is the reason why you are never charged so much as a penny.

I have never, even while I was doing studio-based porn, charged viewers for watching my tube site videos. I always kept links to my porn accounts near the top of this page because over the years, I love the way I have learned to masturbate. I love the sex that I have learned to have. And I love that you enjoy watching me learn both. You can't really put a price tag on that love, or those connections.

This is why I am so troubled by many with these fan paysites. It's because they don't know of that love. Even if they say they do, their actions of having such an account, performing the way they do, and charging you money for it speaks way louder than their words.

Porn actors need that away-from-the-camera sex more than anyone. But having one of these accounts blinds them to the how sex needs to is a nature-blessed joy to cherish and the high percentage of times it needs to be held sacred. Even if they claim to find the person hot that they make a video with, how cherished and held sacred is that sex by all parties? Knowing that the main reason it was recorded was not to have a cherished memory of the encounter. Instead, it was recorded primarily for the purpose of making money. Even if a porn actor suppresses that acknowledgement, it is still there in your brain for you to feel less than because of it. Which leads to porn actors acting out. Most likely by doing more scenes, and taking more pics, then using the likes and purchases by subscribers and followers to distract them from dealing with the ugliness of it all.

So the real one who suffers in this obsession with seeking subscribers are those with the accounts. They are selling out their intimacy all for the sake of greater porn stardom. Being a fighter for exhibitionism and a healthy state of mind with it is why this troubles me. So for now, the best I can do is what I do when my compassion crosses paths with an addict... Distance myself from those who feel the need to go this route, but leave myself open to advise them if/when they alas realize, or even simply open up to suspecting that they have made a bad call.

It sadly needs to be this way because our society is already plagued with social ineptitude because of obsession with forms of social media. And the gay community as a whole is even more so socially inept by its unawareness and denial of how we define one another and gay sex by ways taught by porn. So such people need to be left alone until they realize the harm to others, and to themselves that they are contributing to.

Roots Of My Stance On Poppers

Every stance we take has a root much like any plant, flower, or tree. So while I have been very harsh in my stance against poppers, I figured I should explain what the roots of my hard stance against poppers are exactly. So maybe, you'll understand, instead of thinking I'm just being judgmental about poppers for no reason. and if you're using them, you just might find my roots good reason to reconsider taking another huff.

Whatever choice you make, the choice is yours.

And as to why I'm so scantily clad while explaining all of this to you, for that you have to watch the video....

Sexual Narrow Mind

Many things in the gay community dictate the perceptions and sexpectations we gay males have of one another. Based on everything  from our skin color, age, exhibitionism level, sexual orientation, etc.

The problem is... many of them lead to life as a lonely single gay male, using certain sexual exploits to overcompensate.

Unfortunately, the main influencers to this problem among us are once again, gay media, porn, and nightlife. For our straight parents can't tell us what it means to be a gay male. Add to that how many running outlets of those aforementioned gay sources tell you to do away with even the decent principles your straight parents taught you, you will then end up with gay males having ignorant and limiting outlooks.

Sadly, they will always be the main contributors to this problem until a complete overhaul is done. One that adds new blood to surge through the veins of these influential sources. New blood from those who are more self-assured, ethical, non-racist, therefore more representational of our country's rainbow of skin color. When that happens the relevance of poems like "Sexual Narrow Mind" will no longer be.


Sexual Narrow Mind from LeNair Xavier on Vimeo.

Leading The Stud To Sex Toys at Kiiroo

I recently wrote an article for the blog of the sex toy company, Kiiroo. The article was about introducing sex toys into the bedroom. They already did it from a female perspective, so I was asked to address it from a male's.

While the photo might make it appear the article is for a straight sex partner, I made sure the article could easily work for a straight or gay sexual partnership. As well as whether the guy is the one toy use is suggested by, or suggested to. I hope you enjoy it.

https://www.kiiroo.com/leading-the-stud-to-sex-toys/

When I Write A Sex Tale, I Want You....

When I write a sex tale, my intent with writing such detailed descriptions of the sex is (as I have said in promoting my posts) to make my audience horny. In addition to that, it is also a means to motivate readers to try the position that I play in the story when they thus far play the complete opposite in their own sex lives.

One reason many tops don't want to try bottoming is because the image porn and other writers have made it seem that bottoming to is a role that is so submissive and emasculating to a degrading level.  For as I have repeatedly said, porn is a gay male's first teacher of sexual interaction 90+% of the time. So I try to write bottoming as a role without porn's imposed limitation. TherI try to write bottoming the way I live it ----as an act that can be submissive, aggressive, equal amounts of both, or a little of one and a lot of the other. With the ability for a change-up even occurring during one sex session. And whatever the case, one's self-respect and manhood remain intact. Thereby letting a top reading it see the great variety of additional optional sensations he's denying himself by not bottoming.

When I tell of my sexual escapades as a top, I am once again trying to undo the damage taught by porn. I want to show that topping does not mean you degrade your bottom as we see on porn sites like Men.com and TitanMedia videos. Also, especially as a Black male, I'm even more conscious about making my writing undo the damage many Black gay male tops have taken from porn, which they don't seem to realize is the reason why they have a revolving door of White asses to top, but never really being taken serious as a human being deserving of monogamy or a primary love. Instead, they're seen only as being the hashtag #BBC (Big Black Cock) - stick for their hole. So I make sure to show in my writing the humanity that I show my bottoms. When you read my sex tales, I don't want you to see images in the vein of angry-sex-to-punish-whites-for-slavery as portrayed over the years by Diesel Washington and Bobby Blake, or the absolute soullessness of Supreme. And these porn actors might not like me talking about them, but the fact remains that they, like I, must own the bad representation of Black males that they played, and many Black males are following that bad example today. Especially in their interracial sexual encounters.

In short, in the 2 previous paragraphs, one goal with my writing is that I'm looking to motivate all gay males to be a community of flip-fuckers. For unless there's a pre-existing medical condition, we as males have the tools (dick & ass) to play both roles. So why not make use of them, and spend forever exploring the pleasure to be found from both. I believe it's another way for sex to never get old.

This is another reason why I give such detailed descriptions of the sex in my tales as a top. For from my experience, many total bottoms says they have tried to top, but it didn't feel good to them. When I hear that, I always wonder how many of those bottoms tried topping a bottom who using poppers, or a size-queen who never did kegels to maintain their tightness. If either or both is the case, then that bottom tried topping with someone with a loose hole that didn't match up to the sensation from the tight grip of their hand. If certain circumstances and mindsets are the case, it's no wonder it didn't feel good. Also, keep in mind that bottoms have no responsibility of having an erection unless they need to achieve a cumshot for a porn scene. Therefore, regardless of what they say, they are total bottoms taught by circumstance.

I know many writers will tell you to not seem judgmental of an act when writing. Well, I don't live by the rules of this age that says "Say nothing", because that rule is what has so many having lousy sex. And it's not going to begin to stop until someone tries to educated people that certain behaviors are wrong to yourself, and disrespectful to your partner. Now, I may be just a blogger (at the moment), but I feel if just one person is inspired by my honesty in a sex tales of how wrong some of these allotted behaviors are, then my writing is entertaining AND educating.

With that said, it's impossible for me to stay silent when something is being done wrong, especially when it comes to a subject I love ----SEX. For one overall goal with my writing is to inspire good mental and emotional health during sex. That has not thus far, nor will it ever be achieved by one or more parties taking a huff of poppers, snorting cocaine, being drunk, popping pills, etc. So you will not read of me inciting such acts. You will instead read of me condemning them. Hoping to inspire you to leave those things behind before, during, and after sex, so you can have the best sex possible.

Now, haters are going to hate. And I know I have a sex life that many envy. Truth be told, that's on them. In any case, I've made my writing motivations more obvious, maybe those whose quick-to-judge attitudes make them believe my tales are for me to brag and nothing more will be enlightened to how I actually use my gift of writing about my sexual prowess as a means to better sex lives.

These Herbal Male Enhancements Keep Me UP!

I have a confession to make....

I have a sweet tooth. Always have, and I have yet to grow out of it. So in a candy store, I want to sample everything, and if I like it, eat it to completion.

The same can be said about me at a sex party. For when I go to a sex party, the hot guys there are my candy. So at a sex party or bar backroom,....Yes, I'm like a kid in a candy store.

However, to sample everything and "eat" to completion takes more than what even a guy with my high sex drive can handle, regardless of his age. So for that, guys like us need a little boost to keep up our libido's demand to sample so many hot bodies. That's why if you see me at a sex party, I've most likely popped a male enhancement pill beforehand.

Now, besides Viagra and Cialis, which require a prescription, there are many herbal male enhancement supplements out there that don't require a prescription and are not FDA approved. I have tried quite a few of those herbal supplements. Many do nothing. So I decided to let you in on my top 3 choices of those that do actually work.

Black Storm - Let's get this one out of the way. For I won't say that they work as fast, or as long as it says on the box, but they do work. Also, unlike the other enhancement pills I'm suggesting, I do advise that with this one, to take the entire pill. Lastly, like most male enhancement pills, these will weaken with alcohol consumption. I don't drink much alcohol, even at a bar. But even with the small amount I drank, I felt the pill weakening. My 1st experiment was with 1/2 a pill like I do with all of the others I'm recommending in this post, and my light drinking killed the effects. With a whole pill, it took a little longer, but it still weakened it effects. So while I can recommend Black Storm as a pill that works, it's not one of my favorites. In fact, of those that I know to work, it is my least favorite.

Super Hard - With these I recommend that if you have no pre-existing condition like erectile
dysfunction, then you should take only 1/2 of a pill. While all these types of pills have varying times as to when they take effect, my suggestion is always 1 - 2 hours prior so that it's good within your system. My experience with Super Hard has had me feeling it start within a half-hour.

Super Hard pills give the promise that they unlike most male enhancement pills that they do not weaken with alcohol consumption. And this is something I have found to be true. This will be gbreat news to those who are heavier drinkers than me.

V20Max -  What I have to say about V20Max is pretty much the same as what I said about Super Hard pills with the exception of a couple of things.

For one, V20Max is a capsule, and not a tablet like the aforementioned. So while it's not the best taste in the world, I personally have taken the capsule apart, and put half of the capsule's ingredients under my tongue. For I was told quite a few years ago that heart patients do this with their medications to make them get in the system faster. So I do the same with any medication I take and male enhancers as well.

Also, V20Max is so powerful that I found that 1/2 a pill was still kickin' in my system for 2 to 3 days after taking it. With that said, as stated earlier, I naturally have a high sex drive. So it's safe to conclude that since I'm picky about a connection with my playmates, either:
a) my porn collection got a good workout for the next 2 or 3 days after taking that a capsule of V20Max;
b) I got a lot of work done to keep my mind off of sex, or;
c) I started some great erotic poetry as my means to get off.
I'll leave it up to your imagination to figure out which one, or which combo, I chose. In this case, I won't jerk or work and tell.

Before I conclude, as instructed on most of these products, if you take a heart medication, you should not try any of these without a doctor's OK.

With that all of that said, by now I'm sure you're wondering why I haven't mentioned the blue pills that no one knows the name of because of the Chinese writing all over the box. The reason I can't include them in my assessment is because the one encounter I had with using them is one that I cannot tell you if they worked or not. For the person who gave it to me, was using poppers, which led to me having a massive headache. One that could have actually killed me. Because poppers or a whole enhancement pill can individually give one a headache, but what I didn't know at the time was that poppers combined with male enhancement pills can be a more dangerous combination since it lowers your blood pressure to a level that's can be lethal.

This brings me to where I must conclude leaving you with a choice....When you have sex, be it at a sex party, bar backroom, or the comfort of someone's home, which do you prefer during sex?

A hard cock to keep pleasing yourself and your partner/playmate, or a loose hole that can be lethal to your partner/playmate (and yourself) if either of you have taken an enhancement pill beknownst or unbeknownst to each other?

Well, considering how huffing on poppers is the inhalation of fumes from chemicals that taken in their regular form can kill you, I don't know about you, but I'm sticking with the former of having a hard dick. Hence why if you see me at a sex party, bar backroom, or group sex scenario, how will you find me?...

With a hard dick and smile.

Chemicals In Our Night

Don't Disrespect This Fuck!

Due to how much I see poppers as a sign of a continuing sexually social epidemic within the gay community despite our present ongoing social acceptance, I have made it no secret of my disdain for them. To the point that I have made the vow to myself to never date a guy who uses them. And I believe this poem clearly explains why.

This sentiment is further explained in my poem, "Poppered Preacher". It's a poem about a minister-in-training who I was recently involved with. If you read my Tumblr blog post on Calling Out Ass Holes that was an open letter to the church he attends, then you have the foundation for that poem already in your minds. So I hope you will let yourself be enlightened by that poem as well.

Now, if you feel either of these poems made the gay community looked bad to the mostly heterosexual audience it was presented to, since I made it clear that I myself don't use them, that's not my fault. That is an issue that needs to be taken up with the user(s) of poppers that you are the most familiar with. So this problem will stop, thereby making me no longer need to address it. And if you're one of those users, then your ill-will towards these poems is your calling to STOP.

I'll Fix That Bitch...With A Porn Cover?!

During a recent Friday night outing with friends, they told me of how they came across a DVD that had me on the cover on TLA.com's porn section of the website. I reminded them that I was on the cover for one of my movies. Its title was "The Booth". The picture of me had lousy coloring, which matches how the lack of chemistry between me and the scene partner I wound up having sex with made it a lousy scene.

Well, it turns out that wasn't the DVD they were speaking of. It was a compilation DVD. Now, I am aware that there is a compilation DVD out there with one or more of my scenes on it. I've know of this DVD for at least a couple of years now, but I'm not on the cover. I told them this, and they responded by telling me that the compilation DVD they were speaking of was new.

Sunday, I finally got around to going to TLA Video's website to search for this DVD. So I typed my old porn name, "Tre Xavier", and a line of thumbnails pop up,...with the first thumbnail being of this compilation DVD my friends mentioned, with a picture of me and Shorty J on the front. A photo I fondly remember being taken the day we shot our scene together for the movie "The Interview". I then clicked on the thumbnail, and when I put the mouse over the image, it showed the backcover. And what do you think I found?

It turns out...I was large on the backcover as well.

Surrounded by a bunch of screenshots. Enough screenshots to conclude that at least 3 of my 10 scenes from my porn career are on that DVD.

Also, not only is it new. TLA Video isn't shipping it out until December 5th. So my friends were right, it is new. Not the scenes, but the compilation. Because the scenes that I saw screenshots of on the cover are from movies I did 7 or 8 years ago. That point must be made clear because some might think that everyone on that DVD is still in the business. Meanwhile, I can definitely tell you how for myself, that is damn sure not the case. I officially bid the porn industry "adieu" a little over 5 years ago.

Moments like this is why I've been urging guys for years that if they want to get in the porn industry that this is what they have to expect. I knew all of the following facts beforehand, but this is the first time I'm actually experiencing it myself. Facts like:
     The fact that you have no control over your image.
     The fact that you have so little control that if the studio owning it allows use of your image, while the studio gets paid, you will never get a single penny for that photo, or your scene.
     The fact that the industry is so plagued with self-serving fuckheads that they will never consult you as to whether or not they can use your image. So if you want your porn persona to disappear, it will never happen. For your desires in the situation are irrelevant to them.

Keep in mind that since my departure from the porn industry, I have been very vocal about the shadiness of it by telling fact like that, as well as the poor social skills of director Tyson Cane. For this reason, I suspect that my being so vocal about those shortcomings is why my image was used. This is not me having a case of overblown ego and paranoia. It's because both the front and back cover photos of me are from photoshoots I did with Tyson Cane. And I know as much as the industry tries to downplay my existence, for mainly them, my name has become synonymous with citing the wrongs of their industry. So I think my image showing up on that DVD cover was way more than just a "he's a hot guy" reasoning. I suspect it was more a "I'll show that bitch for getting on a high horse about us - let's make his past with us a fact he can't escape!" reasoning.

Well, I'm blessed in regards to the fact that I have never tried to hide my porn past. In fact, I've used it to get me on the road I am on now. Such as my presently working at the high-end sex shop, The Pleasure Chest. Working there gives me less reason to need that past buried. Probably an unlikely scenario if I was still working at the law firm of Kenyon & Kenyon LLP. So the only weird part of it is how my co-workers can so easily see my endowment...and Tyson Cane's caking on of make-up and excessive photoshop for porn actors in his movies.

So am I mad about this. Truth be told, with all I have said, I'm one part flattered, another part pissed (simply for the motive I suspect is at play), and another part glad that contrary to Tyson Cane's size-queen antics, the world now sees that I actually do have a nice-sized cock. One that a good number of guys have before & since found addictive and pleasurable. ;-)

Phone Slave

On September 29th, the proof of me needing to write and present this poem couldn't have been more evident. Not only on the NYC trains and streets while going to, while at, and going home from work. But cellphone use has gotten so out of hand that it was even at disrespectful levels within the audience at The Inspired Word open mic at which I debuted the poem.

First, when me and my guest sat down in a booth, a girl to my right was texting away while a performer was onstage. I initially felt offended for the performer on stage. That is until that performer got off the stage, then by chance I turned around to see that performer had left the stage to sit in a booth behind us, ...texting away while the next performer was onstage. It was blatant disrespect from one performer to another.

Sadly, this disrespect and loyalty to cellphones over human beings is not only seen at open mic events. They can be seen in every kind of show, in every means of travel, and in relationships. Hence why so many relationships are doomed to fail. It's really sad that this is what we have become. And I hope the lyrics of my poem made that clear, and we start a needed change within ourselves because of it.

Why are you such slaves to your phones?

Has it ever crossed your minds?

That it’s the reason you’re single and lonely

Letting it consume so much attention and time

You can’t walk down the street

Or climb up and down a flight of stairs

Without letting that damn smartphone

Get priority of your stare

Do you need to kiss the grill of a Mack truck

To make you finally stop being blind?

It’s scary to think it might take such a catastrophe

To make you prioritize your eyes and mind

And since such is the case

It is a damn shame

That it’s your phone that’s smart

But you can’t say the same

Maybe you should buy it an engagement ring

Maybe make it your spouse

Try living happily ever after

You and it alone in a big old house

So how will you consummate this marriage?

Once you and it have tied the knot

Groom shocks his dick fucking the charging hole?

Bride lets the phone vibrate in her twat?

Call my words vulgar

Call them crude

Doesn’t change how much they are the truth

And I will not change a single lyric

As long as you show you’re socially sick

Hoping folks see you engulfed on your status symbol

Thinking it makes you cool

But in reality, you’ve just shown yourself

To be a robotic, socially inept, fuckin’ fool!

For you hold onto your phone

Before you hold your child’s hand

Letting you children run wild

Without a single reprimand

Through the streets, through stores, or through a church

Where they’re going and what they’re doing, you’re totally unaware

Makes one wonder are they really yours

Hence why you don’t seem to care

You dismiss the blessing of children

And how they are to be adored

So what’s your excuse when they act out

From the years your “parenting” left them ignored?

We put on this façade like we’re so evolved

Yet we’re worst than prehistoric man

For this servitude to technology like camping outside stores

Makes closeness only LOOK bundled in our hand

Meanwhile, the human connect is getting out of reach

Creating many desperate social acts

We look and read the news wondering how and why

We became an age burdened with these sad facts

It’s because so many, too many of you are Phone Slaves

Clutching your phone like it’s your life and heart

Refusing to see the signs

Of how it’s tearing your life apart

Stop living a life of social silence by texting

Actually TALK to your family, friends, and lover

For if we don’t maintain our social skills

The growth of this Age of Anger by Loneliness

Is what we make ourselves doomed to discover

Sex Party Etiquette: I Hit YOU Up, NOT You & THAT!

How many times have you went online for a hook-up, and when a guy you've wanted responds, especially after a number of miss chances, you get a message saying, "I'm here with 'so-and-so'. Come join..."?

Burying your annoyance deep inside because truth be told, when you hit the person up, you wanted him...alone.

So playing along with this makes you have to go to that other person's profile and see if they are of interests to you. And sometimes they're not. However, whether it's out of extreme horniness or you felt a connection beyond sexual that's so strong in your interaction with that initial person, that in spite of that voice in your head saying that other person is a bad idea, you agree to meet up. That is actually how my last "Sex Party Etiquette" post started out.

Me and the host spoke a few times before, but nothing came to fruition. Then we had an exchange before I went out the door that night. On my way home, out of boredom, I went to the website on my phone, and saw he finally responded to the message I sent after a couple of hours later. Don't you fuckin' hate that? So like too many guys, he dragged his feet in replying. And they wonder why they end up alone when they don't respect someone else's time. I mean, just because someone is a one-night stand, that doesn't make them any less human, or their time any less valuable.

Anyway, when I replied back to that message, he replied telling me in the body of the message that he had the other guy there --- the guy who would later become the ill-mannered, popper-addicted asswipe of "Mi Casa AIN'T Su Casa, Bitch!"

Why is this wrong?

Because when you hit someone up online, unless it is a couple's profile, you are looking for that one single person ALONE. Not that person and somebody else. When you open up an email to read its body all to discover that somebody else is already there, even if we don't want to admit it to them or ourselves, we feel cheated. And we have every right to feel as such. 

The reason we won't admit to feeling cheated is because this degree of self-loathing by accommodating those invitations to 3-ways without question has become a sad degree of normal. With that said, before I continue, let me include calling out myself as a perpetrator of this self-loathing, ignorant behavior. So when the opportunity presents itself, we and the hosts both continue the chain of selfishness and self-loathing in ourselves, and we enable the selfishness of these hosts.

This is especially true if you and/or the host is drunk/high on something. Be it alcohol, marijuana, poppers, or harder drugs, because your brains are not right. So if you have a normal code of decency that makes you think about your self-worth, as well as the feelings of other people involved, lust plus that chemical(s) are going to impair your judgment.

Some might be quick to say that this post was written out of spite, because of the bad experience from my last "Sex Party Etiquette" post. Well, let me tell you how you're quite wrong. If anything, that bad experience opened my eyes to look at the root of that situation, and how far back that bad root dated. It made me see how I've always felt slighted by someone offering me an invitation when there's already someone else there. For proper etiquette would be to indicate that other person's presence beforehand by the host telling it in his profile, or in the subject line of his email.  However, due to their mishandling, I always felt that all of those hosts snuck that information about that other person in the body of the email because subconsciously they knew they were being selfish at my (and maybe the other person's) expense.

These hosts know they're trying to trap you. They knew you really want only them. But they want to have their cake and eat it too. So they feel if they build your anticipation up enough, when they spring that other person on you, you'll want them so much that you won't say "No"...like you should. And that is how I ended up in that fix. Me led by a person with a weak and selfish mind to show myself having a moment of a weaker mind. Well, those days are gone. Hence why I am writing this post.

This post is meant to let you know that such a person is looking to boost their sexual ego at your expense. And for that, their ego needs to be deflated. So the next time you receive an invitation where another party is not told to you beforehand by the person's profile, or subject line of their message, drop them like a hot potato. For they deserve to be taught that lesson of how you are a human being. One who also has a craving for intimacy. Intimacy where you should not be tricked into the idea of "three's company". Intimacy where, at least for the initial encounter, the old saying still applies...of how "Two's company, and three's a crowd."

Popper-Free Anal Sex

This past Saturday, I took part in a workshop presented by the NY Academy of Sex Ed called the Sex Educator Skill Share. It was a workshop for sex educators to better their skills as educators, and it was limited to 10 people. A big part of the requirement being that each person gave a 10-minute presentation, with every other member critiquing your presentation afterwards.

As for my topic, the topic I chose was brought on by my 1-on-1 and sex party trysts where my supposed playmate caused me headaches. Not knowing some of those headaches could have become fatal since I took an enhancement pill, which I later learned is not to be combined with what made a necessity for my topic...poppers. Hence why my topic was:

This was the outline that I followed for my presentation:

I. Intro 

   A. Warn audience of bluntness

         B.  Popper use – perceived necessity for anal play 
              1.   Introduced early after engaging in gay anal sex 
                    a.    Once was not in porn, now it is 
              2.   Straight couples popper use likely started by gay suggestion 
      II. 2 Powers to influence popper use
          A. Power of suggestion 
               1.   Told it makes anal sex easier 
               2.   Debunk it makes anal sex easier 
                     a. It’s HUFFING 
                        1. Question why tops and oral sex players use it 
                        2. Risking damage because brain not properly receiving messages

                        3. ANY action with such a risk of harm is WRONG

         B. Power of mind over matter 
              1. Tells of experiences proving poppers unnecessary 
              2. Tell components for popper-free anal sex 
                  a. Lube 
                  b. Desire 
                      1. Is your anal sex pleasure or a chore 
                  c. Deep breath 
                      1. Point out how this was discovered 
                      2. Suction makes it like a blow job pulling  him in for penetrate you
      III. Hope for strongly enforced laws, so more power of mind over matter must take effect

There were things that I forgot to put in the outline in some fashion, and due to nervousness forgot to address in my presentation. Once I realized that, it became apparent to me how I avoided the 1-minute warning finger being raised at me. Those things in the order as to where they should have been on the outline were: 

Risking brain damage - this is the reason your body won't properly receive messages of both pleasure and pain. But it also can over time hinder your common sense and other degrees of intellect.

Anal sex is not for everyone - some people have preexisting conditions that prevent them from having anal sex. So taking poppers to cover the pain with a huffing high from poppers is self-destructive.
Do you really want to be gangbanged? - I've witnessed many bottoms gangbanged at sex parties, but seldom (if ever) are they doing it the way I plan to if I ever get the gangbang I desire ---- without poppers. So this is sex as a tool for escapism.

My hopes with this 10-minute presentation is to make it a 2-hour presentation. Possibly for a lecture or workshop in the future. The Pleasure Chest is one place that comes to mind. I would expand on all of the points told and forgotten in the 10-minute presentation, as well as give definitions that I left out due to (once again) the time constraint. Definitions for words like "huffing" - a word that hasn't been used much since maybe the 1990's, and has been covered up more and more by the glorification of popper use.

So where will this go from here....Only time will tell. But be advised that putting in a word to make it happen does help. Thank you.