Like You - See All Gays As Sexual Equals

There have been enough instances in which my medium to dark-complexioned self will see a white or light-skinned guy check me out, look like they want to talk to me, or just fuck and be my top, but never make a move. However, they have no problem approaching a white or light-skinned guy to become their top, or approach a medium to dark-skinned guy to be his bottom.

Another instance I have seen often is a white or light-skinned guy who claims to be completely versatile or a versatile bottom, and while he might seem to be open to playing with guys of various colors/ethnicities, his urge to top never seems to surface with medium to dark-complexioned males. Instead, his urge to top only happens with white and light-skinned males.

These are definite displays within sexual racism.

Sexual racism is not just saying, "I'm not into <insert color/ethnicity here>". It is also limiting a person of a certain color/ethnicity to being only one specific sexual role. Such as the porn-induced idea that if a medium to dark-complexioned black male is to have sex with a white or light-complexioned person, that medium to dark-skinned guy can only be a top.

Also, the idea says that black males within that hue must be aggressive in their topping. Aggressive in a way that to the sane eye borders on sexual brutality and rape. A style that is a sexualization of white guilt demanding punishment. So if it's in porn today, then that means the porn producers and directors are problematic creatures in the mix. And the performers regardless of color are also problematic. Prove every bit as to why I think of most porn actors as a past poem states, "Fuckable Body,..Unlovable Soul".

I know some are quick to say that there are more blacks bottoming in porn now. Yes, there are, but not many. Nor do they have a variety of looks like their white counterparts. And before I continue, take note:

The few porn scenes that you see of blacks bottoming would have never come to be if I didn't speak up about it during my time doing studio-based porn under the name "Tré Xavier", as I pointed out in an article on my "Calling Out Ass Holes" Tumblr . In short, there would be no them if there was no me. 

So I started needed conversations then, and I am starting needed conversations now.

While I did write that article and see the slight changes, it hasn't changed the overwhelming racist sexual expectations of many white and light-skinned males enough. Like most forms of racism, it is so indoctrinated into all of our minds that most people of every color don't realize they're exemplifying it. That includes the black males playing the roles of the overly aggressive.

In most possible sexual encounters, I am still expected to be a top to a white/light person. Never mind the fact that my bubbly ass makes me much more desirable as a bottom than my proportionate dick does as a top.

Still, white/light-complexioned guys, (even when they are over 6 feet tall) come to my 5'6" 145 -160 lbs. frame having me being their top be their initial ass-umption. Meanwhile, a white/light-skinned male with the same height and weight and front and back endowments is either negotiated with about their position, or immediately assumed to be a bottom.

If you have problems with the white guy being assumed to be a bottom, then you are missing the point. For the point is at least there is multiple choice of how a white/light-skinned guy is approached. I, as a medium to dark-skinned Black man, don't get that same multiple choice. In any case, it's a clear sign that there is some racial profiling about medium to dark-skinned black males with their sexuality, and it needs to be addressed.

Of course that needed talk won't happen when the ignorance of many white/light-skinned guys is so obvious around us. It is shown in them doing studio-based porn. It is shown in the porn they do to show on Twitter, Chaturbate, OnlyFans, and the like. And it is shown by those not doing any kind of porn at all.

If you think I'm wrong, and are ready to give the prostituting stereotypical gay porn actor a pass by saying that he was paid to do that, then explain his OnlyFans, JustForFans, 4MyFans, etc.! If a white/light-skinned guy does studio-based porn as well as porn on those fansites, you practically never see him top a medium to dark-complexioned male on those fansites. What is so telling of how brainwashed and racist they actually are is the fact that the purpose of those sites for them is to do things without the puppet strings of a studio-based porn producer and director. Yet, there they are. Still under the puppet strings. Being another white/light whimpy, wincing bottom over the black dick that has sold out to yet another white person's desire to fetishize them.

With that said, just because you're a white guy doing 1 or 2 scenes for NoirMale, your run back to your all-white world still exposes you are a racist. OR because you have signed up to be the latest token black male topping white boys for CockyBoys, you're still a sellout and part of this problem. Neither scenario (or one like it) exonerates any guy of any color as to how much they are another lump of feces floating around in a septic tank. Thereby further exasperating this problematic imagery.

And yes, as much as the gay porn industry tries to deny accountability for how we gay males see each other sexually, I still beg to differ and cite porn as both a teacher and indicator. Based on the facts I am presenting here, disgustingly more so, teacher.  

This is why when we speak of "not being into" a person of a certain ethnicity or color, we must ask ourselves if our feeling that way is naturally us as an individual, or if something outside of our nature influenced that definition of beauty. White entitlement and the spoiled brat mindset it enables causes many white males to refuse to do that pause and look within. Hence why they are the quickest to call their racism "preference".

And colorism being a branch of racism that makes the gay community like Pre-Civil Rights Movement America entices many light-skinned people of color to play along for acceptance.

Now, black males are by no means exonerated from blame in this problem. After all, the black porn actors (past and present) in such interracial scenes, and the black gays who heed to the call of such white/light males to play what I call the "gorilla nigger" are willing participants. I am proud to say that I am not one of those black guys. I have probably lost most of the white/light guys I've dated because of it. If so, their loss will one day be a real man's gain.

Hence the need for this poem. We are about to head into the year 2021. So by now we should all be seen more as equals in all ways, and that includes sexually. Yet we are not, and that need to stop TODAY.

Which Responds Best To The Sounds of Sex?...Lovense or We-Vibe

Even before my exploration into interactive sex toys with Kiiroo, I have always wanted my vibrating sex toys to vibrate in sync with the sounds of sex in the porn I was watching. Mainly those toys that I use anally, which are many.

So when the technology for such vibrating sex toys evolved to having app connections that make the toy vibrate to music, it was only a matter of time before I put my own spin on it.

You see, I was never impressed by the idea of a sex toy vibrating to music. Probably because for me, I want the vibrations to be connected to who I'm fantasizing about. So as much as I'm a Prince fan, and love the song "It" as a song to play during sex, I'm not going to masturbate to its vibrations because I never had a masturbation fantasy about Prince. 

I will admit though that song does work well for that sex toy feature.

Anyway, it took awhile, but eventually I realized that while I didn't want to use music for the syncing vibration with audio feature like it was marketed, I could practice what I always preach....I came up with my own way of using that feature.

The idea probably came to me thanks to Kiiroo. For their Titan syncing with porn is pretty much what I was looking to do with the sync-with-audio feature of my anal toys. Luckily, I had 2 anal sex toys to test my theory with. The Hush by Lovense and the Vector by We-Vibe.

So what were the results of my tests?

Trust me, I love both brands and butt toys. However, when it comes to the sounds of sex, Lovense beats We-Vibe by a wide margin. Hence why I now also own a Lovense Edge, which was after the Hush that I used for this video:

In my testing, I found what gives Lovense the edge is their sensitivity feature. That sensitivity feature makes it more responsive to non-musical sounds, such as those in the title of my compilation: body slaps, bed squeaks, and moans. That is why you were hearing me moan over the sounds of the video. I was feeling (and enjoying) the Hush vibrating in my butt in perfect synchronicity to those sounds in the porn. Hence how I wound up coming close to the same time as Marco Paris.

With We-Vibe, whether the sounds of sex are in an audio track or by using the microphone to hear porn you have playing, you can see the app picking up the sound. However, the app picking it up does not transfer as well to the Vector, if at all. And the changing it from "bass", "mid-range", or "treble" didn't change that much. I figured if anything that the Vector would pick up the sexual sounds if you set it to react to mid-range or treble, but no such luck. For it seems the We-Connect app is meant for picking up the bass, mid-range, and treble of music only.

This review is not condemning We-Vibe's Vector. It is just simply pointing out that it's audio-responses do not respond to the sounds of sex. Everything great I said about the We-Vibe Vector in my initial review of it still remains true.

With that, I leave you with the video compilation that I made for the purpose of this test. Appropriately titled "Body Slaps, Bed Squeaks & Moans". 

https://1drv.ms/v/s!AklovIuy4VIKgbZdX-5_R21xPtOx9w?e=Q8pNRG

How Straight Are Males In Straight Porn Really?

I have long said that there is nothing wrong with fantasizing about sex with a straight male. Wrongdoing doesn't come until you try making that fantasy become reality by imposing gay advances upon that male professing to be heterosexual when he has shown no evidence of the contrary of his professed sexual orientation.

So what about straight male porn actors? For with many straight porn actors, there are instances in many of their histories and performances that expose evidence contrary to their displayed heterosexuality seen on screen. Such as:

Having A Gay Porn Past

I'm discovering more and more of the straight male porn actors I lust for actually have gay porn in their past. Of those in the above collage, 4 of them are just a few of many. And I'm not talking about a solo jerk-off scene here and there for a gay porn movie or website. No, I'm talking about them doing a full-on sex scene of them giving dick to a male's ass, or taking a male's dick in their ass to the point of busting a nut. Even making intense eye contact during the sex.

For your average Joe, I've long said that a "straight" guy having gay sex 3 times or more exposes his claim of being 100% straight a complete self-denial. With a straight porn actor who has had gay sex on camera, it's more like 2 times. For with any porn actor, there is a camera on you, can create performance anxiety in a male. So if he can get through such a sexual scenario more than once, those males are bringing upon themselves even more question as to how straight they are.

Double Vaginal or Double Anal Penetration Scenes
When I initially posted something addressing this topic on Facebook, someone tried to comment that same-sex skin to skin contact does not define sexual orientation. Well, if you're talking about one male putting a hand on another male's bare shoulder or knee, in that regards, that person was correct. However, when you are talking about a male's genitals rubbing or touching another male's private area, like bare dick to dick, bare dick to ass, or bare ass to ass rubbing, any of which having a clear erection present, that is when I must strongly disagree.

And to prove my point, I just discovered the 1st (Oliver Flynn) & 5th (Tyler Steel) male porn actors in a double-vaginal penetration scene. No limps dicks present.

For a male of sound mind maintains his penile erection by his penis being engulf by pleasurable materials. So if it's not 100% the texture of a vagina or rectum, then the texture of that other guys penis is adding to his stimulation. And knowing of that other guy's presence makes it clear that those 2 guys are not as heterosexual as they claim to be.


If any male in straight porn that you can name displaying these indicators was to ever try to dispute what I'm saying, then that denial should cause one concern. For it means 1) that those male performers are not thinking of their scene partners as human beings; therefore 2) the sex is void of a spiritual connection. And I have stated many times that any sexual tryst should have a spiritual connection if it's to be considered a healthy one. Even a one-time tryst, like that in filming a porn scene.

Some of these male porn actors might not want to be considered bisexual. If so, then perhaps he should consider an article I applauded on Medium. It stated how while many of us focus on sexual orientation, there is also romantic orientation. I applauded that article because it definitely explains my defining as a predominately gay bisexual. For I am sexually attracted to both males and females, but males way more than females. Add to that how I am strictly romantically attracted to males. I feel these male porn actors in straight porn who display the aforementioned indicators of sexual fluidity might be the exact opposite of myself. Romantically, they are all about females, but sexually a male can spark something in them. How and to what extent that sexual attraction to males manifests itself is his call though.

Case in point: While it has been some time since I last had my dick inside a cisgendered female's pussy, my attraction to a female is often displayed by me flirting with them. Males in straight porn have an even more available means of release of that sexual attraction. They are put in situations where they get a chance to get that occasional sexual attraction to a male out by way of physical sexual contact with a male.

With that said however, I do wonder how do the male performers with a gay porn past display that degree of gay after they have stopped doing gay porn. Do they flirt with males like I do females? Are they having tryst with males off-camera and not making it public? Or worse case scenario, are they denying themselves a physical means to satisfy that urge when their body and mind is not made for that satisfaction to be achieved without physical contact? My concern about that scenario is that it can lead to the violence of gay-for-pay porn actors that I addressed 11 years ago in "Denied Self Becomes Violent Self".

My pointing out these indicators is in no way meant to throw shade on them. I'm well aware that studio-based porn is a business, and these guys passing themselves off as being totally straight is part of that. I'm just pointing out how there are signs within their history and performances that show these males in straight porn are some level of bisexual just as many of their female counterparts seem to be. Even more obvious because of the penis being such an obvious indicator of arousal. Now, whether or not they choose to admit to those signs, that is something that only their own sexual conscience will revel in or bury.

In any case, my lusting eyes is hoping for the former.

Imagining I'm Riding Thunder's Wood

This is the tweet from Thunder Woods that started it all:

Thunder Woods and I have been following each other on Twitter for a good while now. The cum pig that I am  has been enjoying all of the jerk & cumshot videos he's been posting with many of his tweets, including the aforementioned tweet. In fact, the way that tweet started it all is because from that angle, I realized how much his cock was shaped like the Neo Elite from Blush Novelties that I own. Here this tweet I posted in response and his response that followed:

So I decided that since I don't like to disappoint Twitter followers that I'd love to have a good fuck with, I decided to make a video of me using the Neo Elite. I was a bit busy at the time, so it took awhile for me to make good on that desire for myself. However, during that putting it off, I began to come up with other ideas to make imagining Thunder Woods' cock throbbing and shooting a load in my ass even more fun.

Such as using my using my double-sided suction cup from NY Toy Collective to attached the Neo Elite dildo to a We-Vibe Wish. A trick that can be done with just about any dildo with a base to turn a non-vibrating dildo into a vibrating one. The difficult part became trying to stuff the Wish into my Liberator Bon Bon. But I got it in, then I got that dildo in me.... While watching one of Thunder Wood's cumshot videos.

So that's enough backstory. Sit back and enjoy the ride of watching me ride. 😉

Sex For Toy Testing

Every sex toy reviewer has a process as to how they go about reviewing a sex toy. Some do it solo. Some do it with a partner, which works best when the toy is marketed to and can only be used effectively for review purposes by a couple. However, since most sex toys are made for masturbation and foreplay, reviewing a sex toy alone is the best. Primarily because it eliminates focusing on a partner's pleasure, which can be a distraction if that partner is not the test subject. Reviewing it alone makes you the sole collector of the information, therefore better focused on the details to help readers and viewers of the review.

I revealed details of my review process before in a couple of posts. Namely when I reviewed the Kiiroo Titan, and most recently when reviewing We-Vibe's Vector. This gave me the idea for you readers to see if possible the exact videos I have used for my review. Hence this post from my Facebook page:

So now there is a playlist on my Pornhub account featuring as many videos as I could find that I have used to masturbate to for my sex toy reviews. And yes, for various reasons, be it the studios, scenario, or porn actor's habits, some criteria in the video go against what I stand for. So the way I'm able to watch them is by following the rules of my poem "When I Masturbate". Using my imagination to think of those criteria being more up to my level or synonymous with my traits.

Such as how most of the porn on that list is straight porn, which much to many jaded gays chagrin, I have stated that there is nothing wrong with such a fantasy, as long as you don't try to impose upon a self-proclaimed sexual orientation in order to make it a reality. Hence why I've fantasized that the guy having straight sex is putting his cock in my male ass, then shooting his cumload deep inside it. Or imagine a pornstar I've never seen with a black person having sex with my sexy chocolate self.

So click on the "link between the teasing gifs "Sex For Toy Testing" and see the scene those gifs are made from and more to get deeper into my sex toy review process. You'll see what along with the sex toy contributed to my orgasm.

Sex For Toy Testing

Sex Toy Review: Thruster Mini

I recently bought the Thruster Mini by Velvet CoCK. I must admit that the accordion like neck made me a bit hesitant. This hesitation was to no fault of Velvet CoCK's designing. It was actually because of a previous purchase I made of an anal sex toy with a similar design.

For that other toy also had an accordion design in the neck, which in me caused a pinching of my rectal walls. An unkind sensation that I said in my review that I submitted to The Pleasure Chest would happen to anyone with a rectum tight enough to engulf the entire shape of anything entered into it. With that said, what made me give the Thruster Mini a try was the fact that unlike that other toy, the thrusting part is not meant to be put inside the body.

The Thruster Mini is made of silicone, so it will not harbor bacteria after cleaning, and can only be used with water-based and silicone-based lubricants. Do not use silicone-based lubes on a silicone toy. For it will destroy the toy, thereby void the warranty. It is also water-resistant, which means it can be taken into the shower, but it cannot be submerged into a tub.

The insertable part of the Thruster Mini's shaft is 5" long. A length which is quite comparable to the length of the highly respected Aneros' prostate massagers. Add to that the ability for the shaft to be bent up to 30º, I became hopeful that the Thruster Mini would do that thrusting towards the prostate. And it did not disappoint.

For in the XTube video below, about 3 minutes into it, I assume the missionary position. What you of course can't see is that due to the angle at which I held the Liberator Bon Bon that the Thruster Mini is in, the Thruster Mini did in fact stimulate my prostate. Hence the quivering orgasm seem by the end of the video. So if it was able to be curved to hit my prostate, there is no doubt it can be curved to hit a female's G-spot.

LeNair Xavier Gets Thrusted powered by XTube

With a present retail value of $149, the Thruster Mini is by no means a cheap sex toy. However, I do recommend it for both males and females. Anyway, it does say "Unisex" on the box. Making this one case where a sex toy company did not lie about the usefulness of their product, and that gets many stars in my book.

Fuck Train Engine

In my blog article "Evolution of My Bottoming", I mentioned how the French guy I was with made me the front of a fuck train, while he was the center. And how he was such a skilled center in picking up the rhythm of the guy at the end (the caboose) that I could feel the fuck rhythm changed when that last guy entered. That made me also reminisce about a couple of 3somes I had with a hot couple in Harlem. And how I experienced the same shift of who was running the fuck rhythm because of them being that much of a sexually in-tuned couple.

With that said, as far as my sexual history goes, I have been the engine, the passenger car, and the caboose of a fuck train. However, my favorite part is being the front - the engine.

After a social media posting, I was reminded that there have been a number of misinterpretations of what a fuck train is. Mostly because guys hear a term, and don't properly investigate the exact details of its meaning..OR they make up a term just to so their male sexual ego can say they made something. This has led to many confusing a "fuck train" with the terminology of "running a train on" someone. I personally feel the term "running a train" is quite idiotic because it is already what is succinctly and more appropriately referred to as a "gangbang".

So I made this drawing to give a visual of what a fuck train is. As for the color of the bodies, it's my way of giving a big "FUCK YOU" to the narrow-minded perception bestowed on us by porn. For all of the fuck trains seen in porn make it seem that only white males are sexually adventurous enough to participate in a real fuck train.

Plus, a real pleasurable fuck train is only 3 bodies. Not 4 or more. These 2 pictures may look hot because of the vast number of men being sexually charged simultaneously counters so many forms of sexual represssion. However, in actuality, it's another stint of a porn director living vicariously through his performers. Telling them to do something that may look sexy optically, but is by no means pleasurable in real life. For the too many bodies make it is a ball of confusion.


Well, truth be told, my fuck train experiences have been pretty much the skin color scheme I drew. I was the front of the fuck train with the medium skin tone; the guy in me was lighter complexioned, and the guy who was the caboose has always been the darkest. This was never intentional. It just worked out that way. And I'm quite proud of it because the diverse skin tones show how being sexually adventurous is not a market cornered by one skin color.

With that said, I am well aware that I am not the greatest artist in the world. I've been drawing since I was in kindegarten, but fell off from improving my skill. However, I do maintain enough skill to make my drawings say what they need to say. And in this case, it is to say...

THIS IS A FUCK TRAIN.

Satisfied By SatisfyerMen... On OnlyFans???

Back in July 2018, I wrote the blog article "The Social Destruction of Fan Paysite Pornstars". I still very much stand behind my position in that article, in which I criticized studio-based pornstars for not allowing themselves the right amount of downtime a porn performer needs to have mentally and emotionally healthy sex.



As there are many with so little of a life that they like to start drama, I'm sure such a post has some ready to scream, "HYPOCRITE!"

Well, with my abhorrence for hypocrisy, I can assure you that there is none here in my having an OnlyFans page. Primarily, because of the issue I stated in the post. And since I am no longer doing studio-based porn, the idea of a OnlyFans, JustForFans, and the like is an option I'm free to explore without being a hypocrite.

A lesser way I avoid hypocrisy is because at this point, subscribing to my OnlyFans page is FREE. I feel why should I charge for it when I haven't done so for as long as I have had XTube, RedTube, and Pornhub accounts. Hence why you don't need an OnlyFans account to see the 1st video I've uploaded there. That same video in its 7 minutes and 20 seconds entirety is also on my XTube and RedTube accounts.

Because I like what I do. I like to erotically stimulate people. And although I'm nowhere near rich, knowing you like it at this juncture is all the payment I need.

The reason I made an OnlyFans page is because I thought at some point I would make a video, and post it on there to test myself. And testing myself is what I always do. In this case, testing to see if I was going to be a hypocrite or not. Do I really want to make you pay for porn that is a peek into my personal sex life? An act I have long spoken against.

For my desire to do porn in all of its various art forms has always been to incite a safe space for those questioning their orientation, feel comfortable in their desire to be exhibitionists, and embrace the body they are in, whatever size or color that body comes in, as long as it's healthy. So the porn I do is to flip the bird to the sizes, colors, and shades that the media overhype as sexy despite their healthiness.

With all that said, clicking on the pick below will take you to my 1st OnlyFans upload. Enjoy.

Evolution of My Topping

After losing my virginity in 2002, I was a total bottom for about 2 years. Always knowing that eventually I would become versatile, but for the moment, I was a total bottom, and okay with that. That is why I always tells customers in the sex shop to be patient with themselves for whatever their goal may be.

Once I started topping, I always said that after 2 years of being a total bottom that in my versatility I am a much better bottom than top. No matter what percentage of being a top or bottom I was, even when my versatility reached 50/50, and a good number of playmates praising me as a top, I still felt my skill set made me a much better bottom.

I recently had 2 encounters with which I saw myself becoming more confident in my topping skills. An evolution, if you will. The signs of this evolution might not seem obvious at first, but I will explain how so, and why it is for the better later.

The first incident happened at The Cock. I was behind a curtain, and this guy was sucking me off. Right next to me was a short hottie that I've played with before. As he watched me get my cock sucked, he laid on his back on the bench while playing with his hole. The blowjob was pretty good, but watching that short hottie play with his hole made me rock hard, and needing to be engulfed by not a mouth, but the 98.6 degree and rising warmth of a hungry bottom's ass tunnel.

The past times I topped the short hottie, he assumed the position to be topped doggy style. Being the ass-man that I am, that made it easier to get turned on, start fucking him, and keep fucking him. This time however, seeing him in position to bottom in missionary made me want him right away. My craving wasn't to look at his ass while inside it. No, it was solely about being inside him. Seeing the beauty of his ass was no longer a crutch to get me hard and keep me hard. Just the thought of being inside him in any position was all I needed.

Before I'm called a hypocrite regarding Rule #5 in my rules of blowjob etiquette, I initially was planning to give my dick to the guy giving me a blowjob. But he was sucking me for so long that he seemed like sucking my cock was all he wanted to do. A man that is going to be worth my interest knows to do as I do - stop sucking to check on his playmate to see if he eventually wants that cock made hard by a cocksucker so it can go in his cocksucker's ass, like it should be. This guy never checked in with me for that. He was sucking me for all eternity and I was getting bored by it. As I mentioned before, he sucked it pretty good, but he never offered his asshole. My playmate from my past laying on the bench next to me did offer his asshole.

I went in my pouch and got out some lube to put on my cock. I then slid my cock inside him and started pounding with so much passion. A degree of a passion I've done while topping doggy style, but never in missionary. The more he moaned in pleasure. The more I touched his bare skin not covered by his harness and jockstrap. The more I wrapped my arms around him to go deeper inside him. It all made me not want to stop. But I did stop, so I wouldn't come. Because I have a feeling that if I did come, I would not have stopped. I would have probably shot a raw load in his ass, and kept pumping so I could try and shoot another. Fucking him so long that the lights would come on in the bar because of it nearing closing time.

The other instance happened at a Milk Chocolate NYC party.

I had already topped from behind while standing this sexy guy who was around my height. The entire time I thrusted into the soft cheeks of his ass, as much as I loved looking down to see those cheeks squeeze with my every inward thrust, I wanted him on his back. So I could look in his eyes right below those sexy eyebrows.

Later on in the night, he and a guy that he and I both had bottomed for earlier were sitting on a sofa in the space. Another guy put his legs up and started fucking the hottie. This put the thought back in my head of how much I wanted to look in his eyes while my cock is inside that amazing ass. Then the other guy stopped. So my chance opened up. And when this hottie saw my hard cock eager to get in him again, he opened his ass up along with that chance.

I got on my knees and put my hard cock inside him, with his legs leaning on my shoulders. He lit up the deeper I went in. And when I started pumping into him, he lit up even more. Maybe because my cock was also swelling from feeling his body hair and playing with his big dick. In any case, his being pleased was undeniable for me to see because I was looking right into his eyes.

So how do these 2 occurrences show that I am evolving in my topping skills?

I have long been saying that sex is not just a physical connection, but also a spiritual connection. The latter is one many gay males try to deny. Hence why doggy-style is the most common position at a sex party or backroom. For both connections exist even in a backroom/sex party tryst, and doggy-style, while a great position for a top to view the ass he is pumping into, it also helps a top avoid looking into his sex partner's eyes, which are windows to the soul.

With that said, those 2 encounters with me craving, then being a top in missionary shows me evolving because before then, my spiritual connection that I said was part of sex was obtained in my mind, but less obtained by our sexual position. Therefore, giving no guarantee as to whether or not the spiritual connection that was obtained before the sex was truly maintained during the sex. By me topping in missionary, a more intimate position, I have now evolved to obtaining that spiritual connection by more physical and definite means. A position where my playmate and I look each other in the eyes. Where we can see the beauty of healthy lust, and ask for more. Or see its ugliness and part ways soon after.

Since in addition to being horny, I need to vibe with positive sexual energy from the person(s), I believe the lust we'll have will most definitely be the beauty of healthy lust.

The Social Destruction of Fan Paysite Pornstars

I have a friend with benefits that I have fooled around with for a few years now. We have discussed numerous times about making a video because the sex between us ---- my dick inside his beautifully round ass----is SO FUCKIN' HOT.

Sometimes, when we get together, I'm ready to place both of our smartphones so we can make a video from 2 angles instead of just 1. However, just as quick as it enters our minds, we let it leave. It's because our lust for each other takes precedence. Making the only buttons we want to push not be those on a camcorder, the camera app on our cell phones, or the webcam on our laptops. Instead, the only buttons we want to push are those in and on our bodies to trigger one another's erogenous zones.

If porn actors and others with accounts on fan paysites like OnlyFans, JustForFans, and 4MyFans had that same kind of depth towards each other, then such sites would not presently be all the rage. Nor would they be a new rabid sign of how we are failing each other. For while we already know that sex is a commodity to them, their account on such sites shows just how deeply troubling such an outlook on sex really is.

When I did studio-based gay porn, I cherished my sex away from the camera. I never even propositioned a playmate during that time about recording us. Hence why the videos of me with someone on my XTube account are all after my retirement from studio-based porn. It's because I wanted my sex partners to know that I wasn't "on" while I was with them. I also wanted them to know that the sex I was having with them was about me enjoying their company first and foremost. Enjoying and reveling in the pleasures born from the sights, sounds, taste, textures, and smells from the joy and intimacy of the sex. Unlike those on these fan paysites, my playmates weren't a means to build up my marketability, even as a sex educator. If they exemplified a point that I've often made, like my playmate in "Why It's WE Fuck", it was strictly by chance.

In that and all of my other videos with someone, we were so into each other that we never looked at the camera. Unlike many on those fan paysites. Many of them can't get enough of looking at the camera while fucking. Never realizing how that look in the camera exposes:

• their desperation for validation through porn
• 
  
  
  an indicator of how in their narcissism, they want to make money from memberships so bad that they refuse to enjoy their sex partner and communicating that to their sex partner by looking into their partner's eyes. And sometimes, if they do look in their eyes, it's not with their own eyes. They instead use the eye of a camera. Lessening their intimacy with that person. Signifying so much more social ineptitude;
• 
  a sexual display that is all a put-on. When these porn actors play to the camera in their videos, you are never allowed to play voyeur and see their true sexual self. So if you're dumb enough to pay for it, then you're paying for a fake display. And the more you pay for it, the more it reveals your lack of respect for the connection that should come with sex. Especially when it is to be viewed by others.

I'm sure many have one of these fan paysites to have sex where they can reclaim control over their sexual self and escape from the loud-mouth and scrutiny of a porn director living vicariously through them. Working in such conditions, I understand a porn actor's need to escape. However, they need to wise up... Because what good is their "escape" when during their sex away from a studio, they're still playing to the camera? Also, where is the reclaim of power over their sexual self? Because in the end...

You are still somebody's bitch. You are still owned.

The difference is that instead of being owned by a studio-based porn director, you've now become a owned by your subscribers. Going from clocking in and out to be one power's bitch, then clocking in to being an even greater power's bitch. And quite often, it's within the porn actor's own place of residence. So where is the "home", and where is the "sweet" in your "Home Sweet Home" now?

Sadly, you sold it. While selling away the joy of having a praiseworthy sex life. And the "praiseworthy" I'm speaking of is solely about the serenity and intimacy that a mentally and emotionally healthy sex life should have. Because call it a job or not, it's still sex. Therefore, even if it's just a tryst, it needs that spiritual connection to be mentally and emotionally healthy sex. And that does not happen in many of these fan paysite scenarios.

Some on sites like OnlyFans have the fuck-faced audacity to ask you for tips so you'll see the very content that you subscribed to them for in the first place, which is deplorable. Many porn actors try to say they don't deserve to be looked down upon, but when they pull stunts like this, they most definitely deserve it. Because a subscriber already paid to see you totally naked, and/or to see you fuck. So asking for anymore money is you being another greedy, lecherous stereotypical prick that the sex industry is known for. So you're keeping the negative stigma associated with the porn industry very much alive. Congratulations, asshole!

With such methods, the way many do their fan paysite accounts makes them always "on". So they in turn have no real sex life. And the more members of our community act like this is okay, the more we are contributing to the lack of intimacy in our community's relationships.

Speaking of intimacy in relationships, let's address those who are on these sites and claim to be in relationships. What does this say about their significant other?

Well for starters, their "significant other" can't really be that significant. To themselves or the porn actor they're involved with. For after all I have said here thus far, do you really think allowing an even longer chain to the porn industry than that of a common studio-based porn actor makes an emotionally and mentally healthy relationship? Or does it contribute more so to the growing social dysfunction in the gay community?... I say the latter.

Since this is so often for the sake of bigging up the amount of material to put on their fan paysite accounts, and making "commercials" for their porn careers, it causes and justifies the lack of respect many have for sexual performers today. The ripple effect of this ignorance is that it causes true exhibitionists like myself to be seen just as worthy of disdain and unworthy of respect. In spite of the fact that our respect for you as a voyeur is the reason why you are never charged so much as a penny.

I have never, even while I was doing studio-based porn, charged viewers for watching my tube site videos. I always kept links to my porn accounts near the top of this page because over the years, I love the way I have learned to masturbate. I love the sex that I have learned to have. And I love that you enjoy watching me learn both. You can't really put a price tag on that love, or those connections.

This is why I am so troubled by many with these fan paysites. It's because they don't know of that love. Even if they say they do, their actions of having such an account, performing the way they do, and charging you money for it speaks way louder than their words.

Porn actors need that away-from-the-camera sex more than anyone. But having one of these accounts blinds them to the how sex needs to is a nature-blessed joy to cherish and the high percentage of times it needs to be held sacred. Even if they claim to find the person hot that they make a video with, how cherished and held sacred is that sex by all parties? Knowing that the main reason it was recorded was not to have a cherished memory of the encounter. Instead, it was recorded primarily for the purpose of making money. Even if a porn actor suppresses that acknowledgement, it is still there in your brain for you to feel less than because of it. Which leads to porn actors acting out. Most likely by doing more scenes, and taking more pics, then using the likes and purchases by subscribers and followers to distract them from dealing with the ugliness of it all.

So the real one who suffers in this obsession with seeking subscribers are those with the accounts. They are selling out their intimacy all for the sake of greater porn stardom. Being a fighter for exhibitionism and a healthy state of mind with it is why this troubles me. So for now, the best I can do is what I do when my compassion crosses paths with an addict... Distance myself from those who feel the need to go this route, but leave myself open to advise them if/when they alas realize, or even simply open up to suspecting that they have made a bad call.

It sadly needs to be this way because our society is already plagued with social ineptitude because of obsession with forms of social media. And the gay community as a whole is even more so socially inept by its unawareness and denial of how we define one another and gay sex by ways taught by porn. So such people need to be left alone until they realize the harm to others, and to themselves that they are contributing to.

The Expected Porn Return Fail, Courtesy of Treasure Island

Back in May, Treasure Island Media tweeted a request for models. I clicked on the link and applied. With all that I have said about the gay porn industry, I'm sure you're wondering why I would do such a thing. Did my desperation for validation return with such a vengeance that I chose to put myself through all that I've said bad about the gay porn industry all over again? Am I that pressed for cash? Or is it a combination of both?

The answer to all of those possibilities is actually a loud and echoing NOOOOOO!!!

I did it partly because due to my firsthand experience in the porn industry, I was feeling I wouldn't be able to further justify my annoyance without trying to get back in it again for a brief moment. Even though standing on the outside looking in as I have been since I announced my retirement in 2009, I see many signs to let me know I made the right decision. But still, I wanted some firsthand confirmation. So as long as I still have a good look, I thought why not go for it. Besides, after all that I have said about the industry and them, the worst they could do is say "No".

Well actually, I filled  out the application on a Friday afternoon (May 11th), and got an email the following Monday morning (May 14th) a little before 9:30 asking me to come in to make an audition video on May 25th. I responded that I was okay with this, and all I needed in response was an exact place and time. A number of days passed with no response. Then after asking again on May 22nd, I finally got a response saying:

Hey LeNair, 

First off let me apologize for the delay in getting back to you. I was out of the office for the better part of last week. 

I reviewed your application with Max Sohl. 

Based on your past interactions together, he has decided decline your application. 

I am sorry for any inconvenience and wish you the best of luck going forward.

With that response, instead of me asking you to read through an entire old blog post to let you know the exactness of that past interaction with Treasure Island Media director, Max Sohl, here are the 1st and 2nd paragraphs of the blog post "Seeking The Silver In The TIM Dim Cloud" that explains it exactly:

"At the end of February, I was attempting to make a brief return to porn. The studio was Treasure Island Media where in one email  to describe the shoot said they were "treating it like a paid audition" with a group of 5 or 6 guys who were all versatile and ready, willing and able to flip-fuck --- and it was a total bust. I can't speak for the others, but for me, I could not perform with someone's body odor reeking in the room. Especially when we were instructed to wear deodorant. As far as I knew, this was not supposed to be a bear shoot where stench is looked upon as a badge of honor. Yet instead of the director telling the person with the body odor to either 'hit the showers, or hit the road', we all had to try to endure that stench, which intensified as the heat in a hotel room rose because of NO AIR CONDITIONING.

This is why if I make an official return to porn, I'm sticking to my rule of knowing my scene partner beforehand, because I let that rule slide once since making it, and look what happens! Had I known this guy would be there I would have probably bailed on the idea of working with him, because I've worked with that guy before at a live appearance, and seen him at parties, and body odor was something I experienced EVERYTIME while being near him..."

So with this incident as my and Max Sohl's past interaction, what is the other reason as to why I took a chance and applied to Treasure Island Media?

It's because, first of all, time has passed. Me and Max Sohl both have had 8 1/4 years to look back on that incident, and ask ourselves if our position during that incident should have been different. Now, over my years of blogging, I have owned up to a good number of my missteps in judgement. However, for the reasons I stated in that old blog post, I had no reason to change. In fact, me changing from that position would be me lowering my standards, and going back to being the stereotypical prey of the sex industry. That prey being the disenfranchised, marginalized, broken, unloved, and self-loathing because of being the aforementioned. All of which are easily manipulated by all parts of the sex industry. From prostitution, to porn, and even sex retail. And me allowing that would be me undoing  all the maturing I have done to give me this much more sense.

This brings me to Max Sohl. He is entitled to not changing or growing. However, it shows an ongoing failure in his character. One that is too common among most porn directors and other heads in the sex industry overall. Making them the predators that they too often are. Thereby justifying the negative stigma about them.

I can't say verbatim, but I can come very close to verbatim as to how on the model application, as I said in the beginning of this post, I made it very clear that I said disparaging things about the porn industry and their company in the past. I also said to them that me accepting an offer from them would be a step in undoing some of the negatives that I have said about the industry and them, and I would be willing to publicly state that.

These statements were clear as day in the comment section of my model application. With that being the case,...

Why was I even offered an audition before my application reached the eyes of Max Sohl? It's because of a very common unorganized sequence I have found in the porn industry. So if I wanted that firsthand confirmation of the gay porn industry still being fucked up, I guess I got it proven with that move from them.

Perhaps Treasure Island Media had that much trust in this casting director, Kyle's judgement. Even so, if you read something from a model application where the applicant admits to saying bad things about the company, common sense should tell you to not give a "yay" or "nay" to the applicant about anything in the casting process until after you have spoken to a higher positioned person. Namely, the higher positioned person those disparaging statements are about. That common sense move was not done here. So my time and professionalism in getting the schedule right was wasted.

If so much as an audition video had happened, I know me returning in front of any studio's camera would raise some eyebrows to those who remember me as "Tre Xavier". It would have been a move that my fans and followers now, which may actually include anti-porn activists, would want to know why.

Even though it's rare, there are times in the porn industry that a big fallout between porn actor and porn company happen, and a reconciliation happens later on down the line. So why wasn't the situation between Treasure Island Media's Max Sohl and myself one of those cases?

Could it be because being that I wasn't what he sees as a "draw"?

After all, if you look at Treasure Island Media's record of black models, it's no different than most white-owned predominately white/light casting porn studios. Having more than 90% of the black males they use playing what I've long referred to as a "gorilla nigger" top to some white and light-complexioned person of color. Fetishizing low self-esteem having black males for a profit. And all that I have stated about the industry, my goal to be a versatile Black man still celebrating bottoming with any color, and my own sexual performance shows that even if I topped for any studio's camera, I would not play that gorilla nigger role. For such a role is a downgrade of me (and anyone who plays it) as a man, and makes one's presence a disrespect to sex overall. Lastly, even with their name in the title and photo on the DVD cover, bottoms in porn are treated as lesser beings primed for abuse. This is especially true of Treasure Island Media, which since this incident I realize is adding substance abuse to their list of abuses. So part of my applying was to give them a more respectable display of bottoms.

In addition to my not playing that negative racist role, the fact that I as an adult entertainer have enough self-esteem to lay down such laws for myself very likely also makes them (and most other porn companies) unwilling to deal with me. Especially when they are white and the knowledge and strength of that potential model is wrapped in medium to dark brown skin, like mine. For it shows that I'm not the sex industry's usual target when a predator is in charge. You see, while I may be part of a group that is disenfranchised and marginalized, I do not present myself as being hurt or broken by it. And that makes the stereotypical predatory head of a sex industry business very uneasy.

I had hoped to see that Max Sohl had grown up, and taken ownership of his fuck-ups in that old situation. As we can see, such is not the case. And it is most likely because porn actors low enough on self-esteem keep coming back. Enduring whatever unpleasant and unhealthy conditions he throws them in, instead of challenging him to do better by them.

Some of you are probably thinking that my calling out guys in the porn industry out like this is why less and less porn companies wanted to work with me, and would not consider taking me in today fi I tried harder for a return to the industry. Well years ago, Chris Steele of Jet Set Men tried saying the same thing to me about not working with me because of all I've said about Tyson Cane's antics on porn sets. And in response, I told Chris' dumb ass the same thing I'm telling yours...

What I've put folks on blast for in the porn industry are acts of ignorance. If you have enough faith in your character, then you know that you would never do the dumb shit I put someone on blast for. Therefore, you would have nothing to be worried about in working with me. So such a statement says more about your lack of integrity and faith in your own humanity than it does about my work ethic and sense of self-worth.

Proof of that statement being true is Ben Marksman, the director of one of my last movies "All Out Assault". After initially meeting at The Gay Erotic Expo of 2007, I gave him this blog's address citing certain posts to tell him what I had experienced in the industry by that point, and what those instances made me come to decide to work with and not work with. So he became fully aware of all I've said about the many directors by name while we were in talks about working together. And he still hired me. Why? Because he had enough faith in his own integrity and character to know that he would never do those things. And that humanity is why he is the only person I met while in the gay porn industry that I am still friends with today.

So you see, I am aware that there are some, but too few decent people in the porn industry.

In closing, if I seem angered by all of this, know that "anger" is not the right word. The correct word is disappointed. Disappointed in the fact that I was once again right about an ill within the adult entertainment industry. You see, as much as most people (including myself) normally want to be right, this is a situation that I would like to for once publicly admit to being wrong. But this outcome shows that day is not today.