Backstory & What If: "Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor's Husband"

In case you didn't know or have forgotten, I occasionally write sex articles for the sex toy company Kiiroo. A few months ago however, they asked me for an erotic short story. The one I gave was actually a true story. Recently though, I pitched to them a story that was actual fiction.

The idea was born out of 2 facts I've confessed to when porn is part of my masturbation:

1) I watch more straight porn than gay porn, and;
2) While I'm totally versatile in action, in my fantasies however, I'm more of a bottom.

Keeping those 2 facts in mind, then you are right to conclude that the pleasure one assumes that male is giving that female's vagina is pleasure I'm imagining him giving to my ass.

My masturbation fantasy is usually nothing more than him still being an actor in straight porn. So he has sex will a lot of women, and while I'm the only guy he wants, he is not in a relationship with me. In fact, whether he even has an actual relationship is never part of the fantasy. So since he's having sex with me and those porn starlets, he was definitely bisexual. It's just a matter of what kind of bisexual was he. More gay than straight, more straight than gay, or right down the middle.

In any case, when I decided to build a story around that fantasy, I felt a deeper involvement between the two was more interesting. At first conscious thought, it seemed unbelievable. However, the more I thought about the idea, the more I realized how the fantasy of me, a predominately gay bisexual having sex with a male who does straight porn as expression within a relationship...

This could possibly be someone's reality.

Like I said, for this short story, I made the couple have an actual relationship. Then I upped the ante some more. For the initial story idea was to make my character and the pornstar (whose name is "Zen Massif") boyfriends that had been together for a few years. Then came the last minute idea to up the ante even more so by making us married. It was a means to indicate how while being an unwed couple for a few years shows that you have been through a lot of discovery with each other, getting to the point of marriage means the bond is even stronger. You need such a strong bond if you're going to be involved with someone who is not only in the sex industry as a porn actor, but with whom you have a non-monogamous relationship.

With that in mind, I'm sure many are wondering why would anyone even fantasize, much less actually be so deeply involved with a porn actor. It is because sex between 2 (or more) people truly attracted to each other is a beautiful sight. Especially when the motivation bringing the together are pure. Such as being void of racism, or sexualizing of daddy issues, or glamorizing incest. When absent of such motivations, sex alone or in an orgy has a beauty more than words can describe.  Even if you know one or more of those people are romantically involved with someone else. With that in mind, the thought of watching my significant other being sexual attracted to someone else, pleasuring them that once (twice or occasionally), but always coming home to/with me to pleasure me many times over is a massive turn-on. Also, having that outside person be the means by which you can see the beauty of your partner's sexual motions that you can't see when he is with you, or that you might miss if you have strategically placed mirrors to see yourselves.

Keeping all that in mind, I titled it "Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor's Husband".

I wrote this story to be more of a preface for more tales to follow. Tales that could easily be adapted to become a porn film. So what if this story was to be adapted to become an actual porn film? With my ownership and pride in this fantasy, the only way a porn adaption would get my blessing is if I played the storyteller. So yes, I would actually come out of my retirement from doing studio-based porn to play that role. And hence why before the story was published, I made my own banner. Even though I knew Kiiroo would make one up themselves.

Now, if I would be playing the storyteller, then who would play my porn stud husband, "Zen Massif"?

Whoever I would approve of, with the exception of being in love with me, the guy playing Zen Massif would have to be a great deal of a real-life version of him. Firstly, he would definitely have to be sexually attracted to me. Because I refuse to fake the chemistry. Also, the guy would have to have shown his bisexual pride by being an out and proud bisexual. He cannot treat his straight or gay side like each side is on a half of a flip-switch. With that side it flips on being triggered only by the weight of dollars placed on it. Instead both his straight and gay side are triggered by the weight of the his prospective sex partner's sexual spirit.

The only way the porn actor can mentally and sexually differ from Zen is how his bisexuality does not have to be predominately gay like Zen and myself. He could be a predominately straight bisexual. Having just enough gay and a lust for me to fuck my ass into oblivion for all the world to see---at least twice.

The "at least twice" is in reference to my doing the aforementioned continuation of the story. That continuation depends on either how well the story is received, or just for my own entertainment. In any case, each part would be a sexual escapade featuring Zen and/or my character either together, or with other people that would also be one scene in a porn flick. And at least 2 of those detailed stories would have Zen with his husband.

Whatever the case, it would not be the overkill of bodies in most bisexual porn movies, especially of today. For most bisexual porn movies today are MMF 3-way after MMF 3-way. You hardly ever see  nowadays how and if the guy behaves differently when he is alone with a male compared to when he is alone with a female. The last time I recall seeing a total 1-on-1 scene within a bisexual porn was in the movie "Semper Bi", and that movie was made over a decade ago. With that in mind, I must sadly surmise that all the MMF scenes in one movie is probably a tactic used to prevent you from seeing when the male porn performer has monetized his sexual orientation. An act that is a total contradiction to the character of Zen that anyone playing him should not do. 

So will those stories happen? Only time will tell. In any case, I do hope you read the erotic story, enjoy it, then let me know if you want some follow-up stories.

The DISrespect of "BBC" for OVAH! Mag

In case you didn't already know, in addition to this blog, I also guest blog for 3 others: Kiiroo, Thotyssey, and now, OVAH! Mag.

My recent submission to OVAH! Mag is the very important and quite under-discussed topic of a black male being referred to as "BBC". It is under-discussed for a malicious reason, and my article examines why among other negatives regard that terminology.

So please check it out:

https://ovahmag.com/2019/11/bbc/

Satisfied By SatisfyerMen... On OnlyFans???

Back in July 2018, I wrote the blog article "The Social Destruction of Fan Paysite Pornstars". I still very much stand behind my position in that article, in which I criticized studio-based pornstars for not allowing themselves the right amount of downtime a porn performer needs to have mentally and emotionally healthy sex.



As there are many with so little of a life that they like to start drama, I'm sure such a post has some ready to scream, "HYPOCRITE!"

Well, with my abhorrence for hypocrisy, I can assure you that there is none here in my having an OnlyFans page. Primarily, because of the issue I stated in the post. And since I am no longer doing studio-based porn, the idea of a OnlyFans, JustForFans, and the like is an option I'm free to explore without being a hypocrite.

A lesser way I avoid hypocrisy is because at this point, subscribing to my OnlyFans page is FREE. I feel why should I charge for it when I haven't done so for as long as I have had XTube, RedTube, and Pornhub accounts. Hence why you don't need an OnlyFans account to see the 1st video I've uploaded there. That same video in its 7 minutes and 20 seconds entirety is also on my XTube and RedTube accounts.

Because I like what I do. I like to erotically stimulate people. And although I'm nowhere near rich, knowing you like it at this juncture is all the payment I need.

The reason I made an OnlyFans page is because I thought at some point I would make a video, and post it on there to test myself. And testing myself is what I always do. In this case, testing to see if I was going to be a hypocrite or not. Do I really want to make you pay for porn that is a peek into my personal sex life? An act I have long spoken against.

For my desire to do porn in all of its various art forms has always been to incite a safe space for those questioning their orientation, feel comfortable in their desire to be exhibitionists, and embrace the body they are in, whatever size or color that body comes in, as long as it's healthy. So the porn I do is to flip the bird to the sizes, colors, and shades that the media overhype as sexy despite their healthiness.

With all that said, clicking on the pick below will take you to my 1st OnlyFans upload. Enjoy.

The Social Destruction of Fan Paysite Pornstars

I have a friend with benefits that I have fooled around with for a few years now. We have discussed numerous times about making a video because the sex between us ---- my dick inside his beautifully round ass----is SO FUCKIN' HOT.

Sometimes, when we get together, I'm ready to place both of our smartphones so we can make a video from 2 angles instead of just 1. However, just as quick as it enters our minds, we let it leave. It's because our lust for each other takes precedence. Making the only buttons we want to push not be those on a camcorder, the camera app on our cell phones, or the webcam on our laptops. Instead, the only buttons we want to push are those in and on our bodies to trigger one another's erogenous zones.

If porn actors and others with accounts on fan paysites like OnlyFans, JustForFans, and 4MyFans had that same kind of depth towards each other, then such sites would not presently be all the rage. Nor would they be a new rabid sign of how we are failing each other. For while we already know that sex is a commodity to them, their account on such sites shows just how deeply troubling such an outlook on sex really is.

When I did studio-based gay porn, I cherished my sex away from the camera. I never even propositioned a playmate during that time about recording us. Hence why the videos of me with someone on my XTube account are all after my retirement from studio-based porn. It's because I wanted my sex partners to know that I wasn't "on" while I was with them. I also wanted them to know that the sex I was having with them was about me enjoying their company first and foremost. Enjoying and reveling in the pleasures born from the sights, sounds, taste, textures, and smells from the joy and intimacy of the sex. Unlike those on these fan paysites, my playmates weren't a means to build up my marketability, even as a sex educator. If they exemplified a point that I've often made, like my playmate in "Why It's WE Fuck", it was strictly by chance.

In that and all of my other videos with someone, we were so into each other that we never looked at the camera. Unlike many on those fan paysites. Many of them can't get enough of looking at the camera while fucking. Never realizing how that look in the camera exposes:

• their desperation for validation through porn
• 
  
  
  an indicator of how in their narcissism, they want to make money from memberships so bad that they refuse to enjoy their sex partner and communicating that to their sex partner by looking into their partner's eyes. And sometimes, if they do look in their eyes, it's not with their own eyes. They instead use the eye of a camera. Lessening their intimacy with that person. Signifying so much more social ineptitude;
• 
  a sexual display that is all a put-on. When these porn actors play to the camera in their videos, you are never allowed to play voyeur and see their true sexual self. So if you're dumb enough to pay for it, then you're paying for a fake display. And the more you pay for it, the more it reveals your lack of respect for the connection that should come with sex. Especially when it is to be viewed by others.

I'm sure many have one of these fan paysites to have sex where they can reclaim control over their sexual self and escape from the loud-mouth and scrutiny of a porn director living vicariously through them. Working in such conditions, I understand a porn actor's need to escape. However, they need to wise up... Because what good is their "escape" when during their sex away from a studio, they're still playing to the camera? Also, where is the reclaim of power over their sexual self? Because in the end...

You are still somebody's bitch. You are still owned.

The difference is that instead of being owned by a studio-based porn director, you've now become a owned by your subscribers. Going from clocking in and out to be one power's bitch, then clocking in to being an even greater power's bitch. And quite often, it's within the porn actor's own place of residence. So where is the "home", and where is the "sweet" in your "Home Sweet Home" now?

Sadly, you sold it. While selling away the joy of having a praiseworthy sex life. And the "praiseworthy" I'm speaking of is solely about the serenity and intimacy that a mentally and emotionally healthy sex life should have. Because call it a job or not, it's still sex. Therefore, even if it's just a tryst, it needs that spiritual connection to be mentally and emotionally healthy sex. And that does not happen in many of these fan paysite scenarios.

Some on sites like OnlyFans have the fuck-faced audacity to ask you for tips so you'll see the very content that you subscribed to them for in the first place, which is deplorable. Many porn actors try to say they don't deserve to be looked down upon, but when they pull stunts like this, they most definitely deserve it. Because a subscriber already paid to see you totally naked, and/or to see you fuck. So asking for anymore money is you being another greedy, lecherous stereotypical prick that the sex industry is known for. So you're keeping the negative stigma associated with the porn industry very much alive. Congratulations, asshole!

With such methods, the way many do their fan paysite accounts makes them always "on". So they in turn have no real sex life. And the more members of our community act like this is okay, the more we are contributing to the lack of intimacy in our community's relationships.

Speaking of intimacy in relationships, let's address those who are on these sites and claim to be in relationships. What does this say about their significant other?

Well for starters, their "significant other" can't really be that significant. To themselves or the porn actor they're involved with. For after all I have said here thus far, do you really think allowing an even longer chain to the porn industry than that of a common studio-based porn actor makes an emotionally and mentally healthy relationship? Or does it contribute more so to the growing social dysfunction in the gay community?... I say the latter.

Since this is so often for the sake of bigging up the amount of material to put on their fan paysite accounts, and making "commercials" for their porn careers, it causes and justifies the lack of respect many have for sexual performers today. The ripple effect of this ignorance is that it causes true exhibitionists like myself to be seen just as worthy of disdain and unworthy of respect. In spite of the fact that our respect for you as a voyeur is the reason why you are never charged so much as a penny.

I have never, even while I was doing studio-based porn, charged viewers for watching my tube site videos. I always kept links to my porn accounts near the top of this page because over the years, I love the way I have learned to masturbate. I love the sex that I have learned to have. And I love that you enjoy watching me learn both. You can't really put a price tag on that love, or those connections.

This is why I am so troubled by many with these fan paysites. It's because they don't know of that love. Even if they say they do, their actions of having such an account, performing the way they do, and charging you money for it speaks way louder than their words.

Porn actors need that away-from-the-camera sex more than anyone. But having one of these accounts blinds them to the how sex needs to is a nature-blessed joy to cherish and the high percentage of times it needs to be held sacred. Even if they claim to find the person hot that they make a video with, how cherished and held sacred is that sex by all parties? Knowing that the main reason it was recorded was not to have a cherished memory of the encounter. Instead, it was recorded primarily for the purpose of making money. Even if a porn actor suppresses that acknowledgement, it is still there in your brain for you to feel less than because of it. Which leads to porn actors acting out. Most likely by doing more scenes, and taking more pics, then using the likes and purchases by subscribers and followers to distract them from dealing with the ugliness of it all.

So the real one who suffers in this obsession with seeking subscribers are those with the accounts. They are selling out their intimacy all for the sake of greater porn stardom. Being a fighter for exhibitionism and a healthy state of mind with it is why this troubles me. So for now, the best I can do is what I do when my compassion crosses paths with an addict... Distance myself from those who feel the need to go this route, but leave myself open to advise them if/when they alas realize, or even simply open up to suspecting that they have made a bad call.

It sadly needs to be this way because our society is already plagued with social ineptitude because of obsession with forms of social media. And the gay community as a whole is even more so socially inept by its unawareness and denial of how we define one another and gay sex by ways taught by porn. So such people need to be left alone until they realize the harm to others, and to themselves that they are contributing to.

The Expected Porn Return Fail, Courtesy of Treasure Island

Back in May, Treasure Island Media tweeted a request for models. I clicked on the link and applied. With all that I have said about the gay porn industry, I'm sure you're wondering why I would do such a thing. Did my desperation for validation return with such a vengeance that I chose to put myself through all that I've said bad about the gay porn industry all over again? Am I that pressed for cash? Or is it a combination of both?

The answer to all of those possibilities is actually a loud and echoing NOOOOOO!!!

I did it partly because due to my firsthand experience in the porn industry, I was feeling I wouldn't be able to further justify my annoyance without trying to get back in it again for a brief moment. Even though standing on the outside looking in as I have been since I announced my retirement in 2009, I see many signs to let me know I made the right decision. But still, I wanted some firsthand confirmation. So as long as I still have a good look, I thought why not go for it. Besides, after all that I have said about the industry and them, the worst they could do is say "No".

Well actually, I filled  out the application on a Friday afternoon (May 11th), and got an email the following Monday morning (May 14th) a little before 9:30 asking me to come in to make an audition video on May 25th. I responded that I was okay with this, and all I needed in response was an exact place and time. A number of days passed with no response. Then after asking again on May 22nd, I finally got a response saying:

Hey LeNair, 

First off let me apologize for the delay in getting back to you. I was out of the office for the better part of last week. 

I reviewed your application with Max Sohl. 

Based on your past interactions together, he has decided decline your application. 

I am sorry for any inconvenience and wish you the best of luck going forward.

With that response, instead of me asking you to read through an entire old blog post to let you know the exactness of that past interaction with Treasure Island Media director, Max Sohl, here are the 1st and 2nd paragraphs of the blog post "Seeking The Silver In The TIM Dim Cloud" that explains it exactly:

"At the end of February, I was attempting to make a brief return to porn. The studio was Treasure Island Media where in one email  to describe the shoot said they were "treating it like a paid audition" with a group of 5 or 6 guys who were all versatile and ready, willing and able to flip-fuck --- and it was a total bust. I can't speak for the others, but for me, I could not perform with someone's body odor reeking in the room. Especially when we were instructed to wear deodorant. As far as I knew, this was not supposed to be a bear shoot where stench is looked upon as a badge of honor. Yet instead of the director telling the person with the body odor to either 'hit the showers, or hit the road', we all had to try to endure that stench, which intensified as the heat in a hotel room rose because of NO AIR CONDITIONING.

This is why if I make an official return to porn, I'm sticking to my rule of knowing my scene partner beforehand, because I let that rule slide once since making it, and look what happens! Had I known this guy would be there I would have probably bailed on the idea of working with him, because I've worked with that guy before at a live appearance, and seen him at parties, and body odor was something I experienced EVERYTIME while being near him..."

So with this incident as my and Max Sohl's past interaction, what is the other reason as to why I took a chance and applied to Treasure Island Media?

It's because, first of all, time has passed. Me and Max Sohl both have had 8 1/4 years to look back on that incident, and ask ourselves if our position during that incident should have been different. Now, over my years of blogging, I have owned up to a good number of my missteps in judgement. However, for the reasons I stated in that old blog post, I had no reason to change. In fact, me changing from that position would be me lowering my standards, and going back to being the stereotypical prey of the sex industry. That prey being the disenfranchised, marginalized, broken, unloved, and self-loathing because of being the aforementioned. All of which are easily manipulated by all parts of the sex industry. From prostitution, to porn, and even sex retail. And me allowing that would be me undoing  all the maturing I have done to give me this much more sense.

This brings me to Max Sohl. He is entitled to not changing or growing. However, it shows an ongoing failure in his character. One that is too common among most porn directors and other heads in the sex industry overall. Making them the predators that they too often are. Thereby justifying the negative stigma about them.

I can't say verbatim, but I can come very close to verbatim as to how on the model application, as I said in the beginning of this post, I made it very clear that I said disparaging things about the porn industry and their company in the past. I also said to them that me accepting an offer from them would be a step in undoing some of the negatives that I have said about the industry and them, and I would be willing to publicly state that.

These statements were clear as day in the comment section of my model application. With that being the case,...

Why was I even offered an audition before my application reached the eyes of Max Sohl? It's because of a very common unorganized sequence I have found in the porn industry. So if I wanted that firsthand confirmation of the gay porn industry still being fucked up, I guess I got it proven with that move from them.

Perhaps Treasure Island Media had that much trust in this casting director, Kyle's judgement. Even so, if you read something from a model application where the applicant admits to saying bad things about the company, common sense should tell you to not give a "yay" or "nay" to the applicant about anything in the casting process until after you have spoken to a higher positioned person. Namely, the higher positioned person those disparaging statements are about. That common sense move was not done here. So my time and professionalism in getting the schedule right was wasted.

If so much as an audition video had happened, I know me returning in front of any studio's camera would raise some eyebrows to those who remember me as "Tre Xavier". It would have been a move that my fans and followers now, which may actually include anti-porn activists, would want to know why.

Even though it's rare, there are times in the porn industry that a big fallout between porn actor and porn company happen, and a reconciliation happens later on down the line. So why wasn't the situation between Treasure Island Media's Max Sohl and myself one of those cases?

Could it be because being that I wasn't what he sees as a "draw"?

After all, if you look at Treasure Island Media's record of black models, it's no different than most white-owned predominately white/light casting porn studios. Having more than 90% of the black males they use playing what I've long referred to as a "gorilla nigger" top to some white and light-complexioned person of color. Fetishizing low self-esteem having black males for a profit. And all that I have stated about the industry, my goal to be a versatile Black man still celebrating bottoming with any color, and my own sexual performance shows that even if I topped for any studio's camera, I would not play that gorilla nigger role. For such a role is a downgrade of me (and anyone who plays it) as a man, and makes one's presence a disrespect to sex overall. Lastly, even with their name in the title and photo on the DVD cover, bottoms in porn are treated as lesser beings primed for abuse. This is especially true of Treasure Island Media, which since this incident I realize is adding substance abuse to their list of abuses. So part of my applying was to give them a more respectable display of bottoms.

In addition to my not playing that negative racist role, the fact that I as an adult entertainer have enough self-esteem to lay down such laws for myself very likely also makes them (and most other porn companies) unwilling to deal with me. Especially when they are white and the knowledge and strength of that potential model is wrapped in medium to dark brown skin, like mine. For it shows that I'm not the sex industry's usual target when a predator is in charge. You see, while I may be part of a group that is disenfranchised and marginalized, I do not present myself as being hurt or broken by it. And that makes the stereotypical predatory head of a sex industry business very uneasy.

I had hoped to see that Max Sohl had grown up, and taken ownership of his fuck-ups in that old situation. As we can see, such is not the case. And it is most likely because porn actors low enough on self-esteem keep coming back. Enduring whatever unpleasant and unhealthy conditions he throws them in, instead of challenging him to do better by them.

Some of you are probably thinking that my calling out guys in the porn industry out like this is why less and less porn companies wanted to work with me, and would not consider taking me in today fi I tried harder for a return to the industry. Well years ago, Chris Steele of Jet Set Men tried saying the same thing to me about not working with me because of all I've said about Tyson Cane's antics on porn sets. And in response, I told Chris' dumb ass the same thing I'm telling yours...

What I've put folks on blast for in the porn industry are acts of ignorance. If you have enough faith in your character, then you know that you would never do the dumb shit I put someone on blast for. Therefore, you would have nothing to be worried about in working with me. So such a statement says more about your lack of integrity and faith in your own humanity than it does about my work ethic and sense of self-worth.

Proof of that statement being true is Ben Marksman, the director of one of my last movies "All Out Assault". After initially meeting at The Gay Erotic Expo of 2007, I gave him this blog's address citing certain posts to tell him what I had experienced in the industry by that point, and what those instances made me come to decide to work with and not work with. So he became fully aware of all I've said about the many directors by name while we were in talks about working together. And he still hired me. Why? Because he had enough faith in his own integrity and character to know that he would never do those things. And that humanity is why he is the only person I met while in the gay porn industry that I am still friends with today.

So you see, I am aware that there are some, but too few decent people in the porn industry.

In closing, if I seem angered by all of this, know that "anger" is not the right word. The correct word is disappointed. Disappointed in the fact that I was once again right about an ill within the adult entertainment industry. You see, as much as most people (including myself) normally want to be right, this is a situation that I would like to for once publicly admit to being wrong. But this outcome shows that day is not today.

Tease of a Forgetten Porn Scene's BTS

Every porn scene has a behind-the-scenes tale that often has some surprising facts in it. So this behind-the-scenes story is a tease from one of my least known porn movies, "All Out Assault". I'll give a more full story, with more shocking bits in my autobiography.

So let's start with how the pic to the right is not the DVD's cover. It almost was though. For the director posted pics of every sexual pairing from the movie in a cover pic for his followers to vote on. This pic of me and my scene partner Taino was in 1st place until the cover with Mario Ortiz and Mike Dreyden was posted. Analyzing how that came about might be something else to save for the autobiography. So moving on with today...

By the time the 2007 Gay Erotic Expo came around, I was on the verge of being done with the gay porn industry. I only went that year to give the industry one more chance to stop being the racist, bottom-demeaning, rape-inciting shit pit it was (and sadly still is) before pulling myself out of it.

I wrote a blog post expressing my disappointment of how little hope I left there with. For the only hope keeping me around longer was meeting a new porn company's director, and a stud working a booth at another new porn company.

The porn director of the 1st new company I saw, Knight Stick Films wound up being the first and only director to keep his promise of being in touch. Even Rafael Alencar didn't keep his promise, but the director of a lesser known company did. And not only that, but this director conducted his business in a way that I wanted - he wanted to put together guys with genuine attractions to each other. Not like most of studio-based porn today, which is nothing more than directors being pimps throwing together 2 or more prostitutes who are way more attracted to money than each other.

Luckily, Taino and myself did have an actual attraction. At first, when I saw Taino at a booth for the company Craig Sebastian, I thought he was doing what any porn actor working a booth did with patrons at the Gay Erotic Expo - being flirtatious to get customers. Just like I did my first time working the Gay Erotic Expo in 2005. But after my blog post about the 2007 expo, when I realized that Ben Marksman the director of "All Out Assault" paired me with Taino, and Taino's reaction to meeting me in person to sign the contracts, I realized that the attraction was mutual.

After signing the contracts to do "All Out Assault", me and Taino exchanged phone numbers so we could talk about each other's sexual likes and dislikes so our scene would flow more smoothly. He called me the next day while I was on my lunch break from working as a mail clerk at Kenyon & Kenyon. A lunch break during which I was shopping at the (no more) clothing store Daffy's. So yes, I was walking through Daffy's near the walls to avoid customers from hearing me talk about liking to suck dick, talk dirty, and be spanked (among other things) while fucking.

We also discussed Taino not liking to eat ass. I informed him that I overheard that in a conversation he had with the director the night we signed our contracts. So imagine my shock when Taino rimmed my ass like it was pair of chocolate smash-cakes for adults.


That's one behind the scenes tale for you. Here's another part that I've talked about before, but from here on out, I'll save the details for my autobiography --- The scene almost ended up having me as the top and Taino as the bottom. Enjoy.

When Pornstars & Their Lookalikes Fuck Alike

The night after Folsom Street East, I went to The Cock to unwind. I ran into a guy I met before. The last time we spoke however, a mutual acquaintance took up so much of his time that I told him, "Go fuck yourself!"

I thought that would make me memorable enough for him to never speak to me again. Well, for whatever reason, he still spoke to me. I figured saying the uniqueness of my name would definitely trigger the memory. Yet, it did not. Or did it? Considering that latter possibility is why I took his continuing the conversation without looking for an exit as him trying to have a do-over. An act I could easily admire since most gay males' narcissism won't even let them bother.

When I first met him, I thought he looked like some celebrity, but couldn't for the life of me figure out who. His look that night had changed since then, and at first, it still wasn't clear as to who he resembled. But once we started talking, then making out, it started going to the back of my mind. And the more he kissed me, the further back that thought got pushed.

We got back to his place, and soon started stripping. His tall, slim frame in black underwear with a gold waistband. And a full reveal of the moderate amount of hair on his chest and legs that I had been stroking while making out with him when he was in his tank top and shorts. Then soon after he bent over to pull down those undies to finally give me a view of the pièce de résistance - his cock.

I immediately dropped to my knees to give him a blowjob to reward him for revealing his cock. Not to toot my own horn, but he got hard pretty fast from my oral prowess. Hard and throbbing enough that we both knew that if I sucked him for much longer, he would have come before his dick got inside my ass. So he quickly picked me up off my knees and laid me on my back vertically on the bed. His tall, slim frame towering over me. We kissed passionately, then broke apart to look at each other. While staring into my eyes, he spit in his hand and tried shoving his spit-lubed cock inside me. Seeing this, I also used a spit lube on my hole.

Now, after all my talk about my tight hole needing lots of lube, using a spit-lube on my ass, and a guy getting inside might sound impossible. However, when I'm really into a guy, and the guy is not necessarily thick as a beer can, my hole will relax enough to let a guy in with only a spit-lube.

He started pounding my ass in missionary. Pounding harder and harder. I had no idea where to put my hands but I knew I desperately wanted them on him. As usual, I could care less about stroking my dick. He then moved further on the bed, repositioning himself horizontally. He told me to ride his cock, and I happily obliged.

While I rode his cock, he told me to do something I had never done before. He told me to choke him. So while I rode and grinded on his cock as it pleased my ass, I put my hands at the based on his neck and squeezed.

His request tp choke him made a face begin to form in my mind to answer my question of who he resembled. But it really came into full form, when we changed position again with him banging me from behind, and lightly pulling the sides of my mouth.

The face was that of straight male pornstar, Mark Ashley, who I have long been a fan of. Once I realized my playmate resembled him, I realized it was because Mark Ashely has passionately fucked his female scene partners doing very similar actions. So even though my playmate was a good deal slimmer and a tad more hairy, this guy's resemblance to Mark Ashley in his younger days just basically gives more life to my curiosity as to whether or not people who look alike fuck alike.

He kept pounding away until he came. I loved feeling his cock throb from shooting jizz inside me. As we laid there spooning in the afterglow, the last thing he said to me before we closed our eyes for the moment was, "Don't be surprised if you wake up with my dick in your ass."

I replied, "You won't get any argument out of me." Then we drifted off to sleep.

A couple of hours later, my 6th sense woke up because it felt someone's attention extremely focused on me. It, as it should have been, was my playmate, who I was still in a spooning position with. My 6th sense was alerting me to what was about to happen next, which was his hard cock rubbing against the crack of my ass because he was about to go in for Round 2. So had it not been for my 6th sense waking me up, my playmate would have been able to make good on his promise of having me wake up with his dick in my ass. So while it's nice to know my 6th sense is on point, this is an instance when I had wished it would taken a night off.

Most hookups that come from us leaving together and going to my place or his result in one fuck after we walk in the door, and another to please our morning wood. This time however, it resulted in 3 fucks. One when we walked in the door, another after we randomly woke up in the middle of the night, then the last about 2 hours after sunrise.

This third time, even with the sleeps in between, my body so was charged and sensitive from the 2 previous fucks that each of his thrusts into me was another stroke against my prostate that teased my cock to feel I was about to ejaculate. He thrusted inward, the cum felt on the way out. And when he thrusted outward, the jizz also fell back. That's what I felt the entire time he had me on my stomach. And it was in this position in which he came this go around. He moaned as his cock throbbed inside me to squeeze out another load of cum, while I already clasping his hands, pulled him even tighter around me. For while I didn't ejaculate, when he orgasmed physically, I orgasmed mentally. Once again from the pleasure of feeling what my body did to his body.

After fucking raw, I don't do the pushing out of cum like you see some do in porn videos. I stated before that my tight hole holds jizz a good long while. Case in point, I left my playmate's place around 9 a.m., but it wasn't until after noon that my ass felt a tingle to let go of the 3 loads of jizz he put inside me. I'm sure it more so depends on how far his cum shot inside me, but you must admit that if men had ovaries, his cum load would have been in me so long that I would outdo Octo-mom.

We basked in the afterglow of Round 3 for a few minutes before I decided to leave so I wouldn't overstay my welcome. Even though there was a part of me that felt he could have kept me in bed and fucked me a few times more. Well, as far as time was concerned, he had the day off, but I did have a closing shift that afternoon.

I don't know about you, but for me, my work day that day was not an easy one. For I hate going to work after having great sex because I want to bask in the afterglow, even if it's by myself. And that definitely was some great sex.

Return To Porn?...But My Butt Demands

On September 23, 2009, I officially announced my retirement from studio-based gay porn. Have I ever wanted to make a comeback? All of the time. I love being naked, and I love being an exhibitionist. So on initial thought, I'm quite often ready to throw my name back in the hat.

What stops me is my nature of always seeing the big picture. Whether the vision comes in a split second or over a few months, when I get an idea in my head, I always look to see the chains leading to, and more importantly, the chains resulting from my actions if I dare to proceed.

The reason I had issues with the gay porn industry before is because they refused to acknowledge their responsibility in influencing gay male sexual behavior. Well, I mean when it suits their pockets anyway. I've named names of some of the guilty parties enough times in the past, so I don't need to do it again.

Now, if I ever was to make a return, my butt would have certain demands. Why my butt? Well let that start off my list by saying, MY BUTT DEMANDS:

1) Staying a Bottom On Camera
The porn industry seemed to finally take my advice about using black bottom when the Recession hit. I'm sure it was because the Recession made porn studios get desperate to find something their so-called minds called "new" to show porn viewers. This change of more black males bottoming ran for a bit. However, once the economy got back on track, many studios went right back to the same old formula for interracial porn of uber-aggressive black gorilla nigger tops with a wincing, whiny white or light Latino bottom.

Now, while I do see an improvement, the damage from black porn actors and their low self-esteem still accepting parts in racist scenarios is still visible. Thw results can easily be seen at sex parties, bar backrooms, and on hook-up websites and apps. As racist whites and other non-blacks claiming to not be racist, YET they're on the hunt for #BBC (Big Black Cock).

I'm a more confident and skilled top now than I was back then, and could be one of the few black tops in porn showing some civility to non-blacks during sex. However, because I still see that lacking of black bottoms with non-blacks in porn and transferring into the real world, if I returned to porn, I would return as a bottom.

2) Genuine Attraction
I have never been an escort, but when I did gay porn, the ratio of those porn actors who escorted and those who didn't (like myself) was 50/50. Now, that ratio has grown to a much higher percentage of porn actors also escorting. And I didn't then, nor do I now want to have sex with prostitutes. I want the sex I have on camera to be with exhibitionists, like myself. I need to know that my scene partner is really into me. Him putting his beautiful cock in my ass, or him giving me his hole to fill to not be first and foremost about it being a job. I want us both to view the sex for that video in the same way I view a career - something you would do for free, with money as a fringe benefit.

Now, while a scene with an escort is not my 1st choice, I'm not totally ruling it out. For I could do a scene with a guy(s) who escorts. The catch is he would have to be someone I've at the least made out with before when I met him off the clock and/or unaware of his escorting. That way I can guarantee myself great sex that our audience wouldn't have to (even subconsciously) wonder about whether or not our chemistry is real.

3) Little to No Acting
Porn sex is real sex. It's not a simulated scene like Heath Ledger's supposed spit-lube fucking of Jake Gyllenhaal in "Brokeback Mountain". Gay porn is real dicks in real asses. And the only acting should be the dialogue to set up the fantasy. Everything from the come-hither eyes to the passion of the 1st kiss to the orgasms should be real.

With that said, I would personally like to cut the bullshit chatter, and get right to showing an audience the action. Much like Dark Alley Media and Treasure Island Media do their scenes. I have had my criticisms of them over time, but I will give credit where credit is due.

4) No pullouts
In my bottoming, I want no pull-outs when my top is cumming. For me to return, be it a condom or bareback scene, the camera-person better find some angle to get a shot of my top's taint and/or cock throbbing when he is cumming. Because I want the audience to see us pleasured how we would be if the cameras were not there. And when I bottom, my tops don't pullout. I get a mental orgasm from feeling his cock throbbing in my ass from his cumming.

The only way I get to see his jizz is by him jerking off.

Yes, I am well aware that this rule would deny viewers to see my sex partner's jizz. Well, as a friend of mine pointed out that the "necessity" for cumshots is because it's seen as proof that the sex happened. Well, as far as I'm concerned... you know the sex happened. You saw it when you watched my top passionately pound the fuck out of me. So there's your proof.

With that, me and my top can freely fuck without him worrying about pulling out when he gets real close to cumming. And if we go bareback, don't expect me to push out a single drop. The most you can hope for is the camera-person getting a shot of a string of cum attached to his dick and the cum he put inside me as he pulls out of my ass. For my tight hole closes up right away. It's loose enough to easily be re-entered by my playmate, but tight enough to hold in his jizz, which it will do without me focusing on it. Because when I let a guy go raw and cum in my ass, it means I'm really into him, and my body instinctively wants to hold any remnants of him that it can after he ejaculates.


Only if all of those demands are met would I return to porn. And I wouldn't do it if a studio only planned to follow these demands for me alone. No. I want these to be their ongoing staples in their productions. Making their porn worth spending money for. Because at the moment, if you tell me that you pirated a studio-based porn movie, you will get no look of disapproval from me. For so many studios doing the opposite of my demands have made their own product not worth the money.

However, I do pause about whether or not to put such an offer for a return out there. For looking at the aforementioned big picture of my life now, I see my life on an upswing since leaving porn. Proof being how the roads leading to a lot of the good going on in my life now started not only when I retired from gay porn, but when I started talking openly and honestly about my good and bad experiences in it. And that open and honest talk came from my poetry reading/Q & A when I read my poetry series, The Industry., which was the when I announced officially retiring calling myself by my porn name "Tré Xavier".

But it is often said to never say never. So if I'm to ever put myself in front of a porn studio's camera, what my butt demands is something that can be summed up in one word.

CHANGES!!!

And the changes my butt requires of the industry for me to come back has yet to happen. Everything from the racial make-up of the cast, to the mindset of today's porn actors, the porn industry has not learned from its past mistakes. It's still a hotbed for the selfish racists, the emotional cowards, the depressed, and the self-loathing, and the substance abusers trying to avoid dealing with how they are 1 or more of the aforementioned, with producers and directors being leeches ready to profit from those woes. So porn actors will keep dying by substance abuse and suicide. Therefore, that negative stigma about the industry won't go away anytime soon.

So until that happens, the gay porn industry can keep being the sinkhole to hell for Broken & Lost Boys. When they get above ground and out of hell, OR fool me enough to think they have by offering my above demands, THEN I'll make a return. And if they succeed at fooling me, I will do what I've always done when I get my wake-up call about a matter halting my growth.

I'll own my fuck-up, and put all involved (myself included) on blast for it.