Backstory & What If: "Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor's Husband"

In case you didn't know or have forgotten, I occasionally write sex articles for the sex toy company Kiiroo. A few months ago however, they asked me for an erotic short story. The one I gave was actually a true story. Recently though, I pitched to them a story that was actual fiction.

The idea was born out of 2 facts I've confessed to when porn is part of my masturbation:

1) I watch more straight porn than gay porn, and;
2) While I'm totally versatile in action, in my fantasies however, I'm more of a bottom.

Keeping those 2 facts in mind, then you are right to conclude that the pleasure one assumes that male is giving that female's vagina is pleasure I'm imagining him giving to my ass.

My masturbation fantasy is usually nothing more than him still being an actor in straight porn. So he has sex will a lot of women, and while I'm the only guy he wants, he is not in a relationship with me. In fact, whether he even has an actual relationship is never part of the fantasy. So since he's having sex with me and those porn starlets, he was definitely bisexual. It's just a matter of what kind of bisexual was he. More gay than straight, more straight than gay, or right down the middle.

In any case, when I decided to build a story around that fantasy, I felt a deeper involvement between the two was more interesting. At first conscious thought, it seemed unbelievable. However, the more I thought about the idea, the more I realized how the fantasy of me, a predominately gay bisexual having sex with a male who does straight porn as expression within a relationship...

This could possibly be someone's reality.

Like I said, for this short story, I made the couple have an actual relationship. Then I upped the ante some more. For the initial story idea was to make my character and the pornstar (whose name is "Zen Massif") boyfriends that had been together for a few years. Then came the last minute idea to up the ante even more so by making us married. It was a means to indicate how while being an unwed couple for a few years shows that you have been through a lot of discovery with each other, getting to the point of marriage means the bond is even stronger. You need such a strong bond if you're going to be involved with someone who is not only in the sex industry as a porn actor, but with whom you have a non-monogamous relationship.

With that in mind, I'm sure many are wondering why would anyone even fantasize, much less actually be so deeply involved with a porn actor. It is because sex between 2 (or more) people truly attracted to each other is a beautiful sight. Especially when the motivation bringing the together are pure. Such as being void of racism, or sexualizing of daddy issues, or glamorizing incest. When absent of such motivations, sex alone or in an orgy has a beauty more than words can describe.  Even if you know one or more of those people are romantically involved with someone else. With that in mind, the thought of watching my significant other being sexual attracted to someone else, pleasuring them that once (twice or occasionally), but always coming home to/with me to pleasure me many times over is a massive turn-on. Also, having that outside person be the means by which you can see the beauty of your partner's sexual motions that you can't see when he is with you, or that you might miss if you have strategically placed mirrors to see yourselves.

Keeping all that in mind, I titled it "Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor's Husband".

I wrote this story to be more of a preface for more tales to follow. Tales that could easily be adapted to become a porn film. So what if this story was to be adapted to become an actual porn film? With my ownership and pride in this fantasy, the only way a porn adaption would get my blessing is if I played the storyteller. So yes, I would actually come out of my retirement from doing studio-based porn to play that role. And hence why before the story was published, I made my own banner. Even though I knew Kiiroo would make one up themselves.

Now, if I would be playing the storyteller, then who would play my porn stud husband, "Zen Massif"?

Whoever I would approve of, with the exception of being in love with me, the guy playing Zen Massif would have to be a great deal of a real-life version of him. Firstly, he would definitely have to be sexually attracted to me. Because I refuse to fake the chemistry. Also, the guy would have to have shown his bisexual pride by being an out and proud bisexual. He cannot treat his straight or gay side like each side is on a half of a flip-switch. With that side it flips on being triggered only by the weight of dollars placed on it. Instead both his straight and gay side are triggered by the weight of the his prospective sex partner's sexual spirit.

The only way the porn actor can mentally and sexually differ from Zen is how his bisexuality does not have to be predominately gay like Zen and myself. He could be a predominately straight bisexual. Having just enough gay and a lust for me to fuck my ass into oblivion for all the world to see---at least twice.

The "at least twice" is in reference to my doing the aforementioned continuation of the story. That continuation depends on either how well the story is received, or just for my own entertainment. In any case, each part would be a sexual escapade featuring Zen and/or my character either together, or with other people that would also be one scene in a porn flick. And at least 2 of those detailed stories would have Zen with his husband.

Whatever the case, it would not be the overkill of bodies in most bisexual porn movies, especially of today. For most bisexual porn movies today are MMF 3-way after MMF 3-way. You hardly ever see  nowadays how and if the guy behaves differently when he is alone with a male compared to when he is alone with a female. The last time I recall seeing a total 1-on-1 scene within a bisexual porn was in the movie "Semper Bi", and that movie was made over a decade ago. With that in mind, I must sadly surmise that all the MMF scenes in one movie is probably a tactic used to prevent you from seeing when the male porn performer has monetized his sexual orientation. An act that is a total contradiction to the character of Zen that anyone playing him should not do. 

So will those stories happen? Only time will tell. In any case, I do hope you read the erotic story, enjoy it, then let me know if you want some follow-up stories.

Imagining I'm Riding Thunder's Wood

This is the tweet from Thunder Woods that started it all:

Thunder Woods and I have been following each other on Twitter for a good while now. The cum pig that I am  has been enjoying all of the jerk & cumshot videos he's been posting with many of his tweets, including the aforementioned tweet. In fact, the way that tweet started it all is because from that angle, I realized how much his cock was shaped like the Neo Elite from Blush Novelties that I own. Here this tweet I posted in response and his response that followed:

So I decided that since I don't like to disappoint Twitter followers that I'd love to have a good fuck with, I decided to make a video of me using the Neo Elite. I was a bit busy at the time, so it took awhile for me to make good on that desire for myself. However, during that putting it off, I began to come up with other ideas to make imagining Thunder Woods' cock throbbing and shooting a load in my ass even more fun.

Such as using my using my double-sided suction cup from NY Toy Collective to attached the Neo Elite dildo to a We-Vibe Wish. A trick that can be done with just about any dildo with a base to turn a non-vibrating dildo into a vibrating one. The difficult part became trying to stuff the Wish into my Liberator Bon Bon. But I got it in, then I got that dildo in me.... While watching one of Thunder Wood's cumshot videos.

So that's enough backstory. Sit back and enjoy the ride of watching me ride. 😉

Getting Out The Kinks: Pants-LESS Is More

I wrote about this kink before some years ago when I was blogging for the gay porn company, Pitbull Productions. But since that blog is now gone, I thought it best to revisit it since I've matured in my writing skills and knowledge to explain what is my personal draw to this kink.

Like anybody else, I'm an admirer of a handsome face. So of course my sexual fantasies are sparked by the thought of looking in that face during sex. And while I am versatile in real life, my fantasies usually have me assume the role of bottom. So it doesn't hurt to have a gorgeous face to imagine looking at while having a bottoming fantasy.

I have also made it no secret that I'm a total ass-man.

In fact, I will fantasize about bottoming for a guy based on seeing only his ass. Never really caring if I ever see his dick.

Now, just because I'm a total ass-man, that doesn't mean that I will turn down the chance to see a beautiful dick. And since I'm not by any means a size-queen, I don't care about his cock size.

I'm a happy camper as long as there is a cock to fantasize about letting in my ass. Be it just inside the hole, deep enough to massage my prostate, or so deep that the more he thrusts in my ass, the more latex or pre-cum I can taste.

My next favorite body part to base my sexual fantasies on are his legs.

I love a nice strong pair of legs, especially his calves. It helps me to imagine him having the muscles to push hard and deep into my ass.

Seeing a man's chest and arms are not big concerns of the sex in my fantasies, or real life. I am however concerned about his stomach. I don't care if it's his abs are washboard. However, if his wearing only a shirt makes him look like he's wearing the old maternity tops women used to wear, then I'm turned off. And that is not a statement of fat-shaming. I'm just stating I'm not normally into larger guys. But I have had a couple of husky guys in my day.

With all that said, it should be clear to see that the titillating sight of a guy wearing only a top and no pants allows me to focus on the bareness of the body parts that incite my lust the most.

Well, if you like the photos in this post, then you'll be glad to learn that I have over 300 more photos in my public One Drive folder labeled "No Pants". So enjoy.

In Lust With....Bel Gris

It's been quite a long while since I posted anything for this category of my blog. And based on you object of my lust, you can see why.

Bel Gris is a Spanish straight porn actor. For those of you thinking I'm a hypocrite because of how I feel about the porn industry after my time in it, I've always said that my feelings about the industry makes me picky about the porn I watch. I must see a genuine attraction between the performers. I must feel that they're exhibitionists, and not prostitutes in front of the camera.

With that being said, as a man who loves watching sex be the adults straight, gay, or bi, I definitely feel I'm getting what I want watching Bel Gris in action.

Watching his rhythmic thrusts makes me wish those woman's pussies were my tight asshole being filled with his big, thick, uncut dick.

An uncut dick which inspired a recently post on one of my Tumblr blogs.

And I love watching his long dark hair flow because of either his hard plowing, or a woman eagerly riding his dick. It reminds me of the El Salvadorian I got it on with in my homemade video, "Why It's WE Fucked". Me riding his cock, and his pounding my ass made his hair flow the same way.

Lastly, who can resist how Bel always shoots a massive cumload. Definitely not a cum-pig like myself.

I'm always having fantasies where we live in a STI-free world so he can without care either feed his cumload in my mouth, and I would most definitely swallow. Or my tight hole would milk his big cock, and that cumload would shoot so far up my ass that it would take days to come down.

So on that note, I'll leave you to your "seducing straight guy" fantasy. Because writing this blog post has put me in the mood for another about Bel Gris. ;-)

Blind Fuck Mind Fuck 5

As I said in my last post, I entered Daniel Nardicio's Mr. Nude York contest for the 3rd time. And to no surprise at all, I didn't win. Of course, anyone with sense knows that the contest overall is not to be taken seriously. The troubling part of it is that the crowd's response shows the shameful degree of sexual racism many LGBT migrates brought with them as baggage to my multi-ethnic mecca hometown of NYC. But truth be told, I don't need a title. For at least I live the title of Mr. Nude York with no shame everyday.

And that is how I won big the following night.

For as also stated in my previous blog post, I did go as planned to participate in the erotic open mic event, Titillating Tongues to debut my poem "Blind Fuck Mind Fuck 5". Watch and listen to the video to get not only the backstory of how this poem all came about, and its lyric. But also find out how it was received....by a predominately straight audience.

Hungry For My 2nd D.P.

For years now, I have been making pleas to be double-penetrated. Well, last year around this time, it finally happened. I never wrote a blog post giving details. I instead told those details at a storytelling event in Brooklyn called Spill! True Stories of Queer Sex, Desire, and Romance. So if you're a New Yorker, and missed me telling it, then that's your lost.

Anyway, while it was a good experience, I'm writing this because I want it again. I've noticed that the last couple of times I've written about wanting to be double-penetrated, based on how and who it finally happened with, I got offers that never came to fruition. All I will say about the actual occurrence is that I was not mentally prepared for it. The 2 guys were not 2 guys I wanted together. Also, it did not play out where at least one of the guys was someone I had been topped by in the past, as I said I wanted in Eureka!....Discovering My D.P. Formula.

So basically, I want a do-over. A double penetration where my preferences are not undermined by one's lust-induced selfishness. Such as how, I'm not a size queen, and since this is a double penetration, I DO NOT need a monster cock! Especially, if one guy is as thick as 2 average size guys. So if you come to me with the words, "He's got a big dick" as a selling point in your pitch, both you and him will lose your shot. For I'm about character strength, not dick length. If this seems like me being a bit bossy, I have a right to be. After all, this is my body, so it's my call. Furthermore, whter by knowing me personally and my blog posts about this wish, guys who should have known better about me did the "he's got a big dick" pitch to me. So thinking back on that has me a bit annoyed and frustrated of how too often when a male is horny, his lust makes him selfish to the point that he only half-listens, if at all.

Anyway, what I still also want is the initial one-on-one starting with the guy I've never been with before, then followed by one guy I've been topped by before. And if I've been topped by both guys before, then maybe then we can do something else I've never done before -----get fucked blindfolded.

Over the next couple of months, we have 4 holidays coming up. One is an actual holiday, while the other 3 are essential only to me. They are:

February 9th - The day I came out to myself. Going into the morning of;
February 10th - The day I lost my virginity (in a 5-man orgy)
February 14th - Valentine's Day
March 31st - My birthday. This year I turn 43.

So any of my past playmates reading this wanting to be one of my 2 tops should keep those dates in mind. OR if both of my tops are to be new playmates, then we should have a 1-on-1 before or on one of those dates, then the double penetration on one of the those dates.

So who's man enough? For if I'm man enough to want to take on 2 dick with my tight hole, someone should be man enough to comply, and on my terms.

Cold Outside, Warm In You

 

I debuted this poem at Titillating Tongues on December 20, 2013 to a small crowd on a night nowhere near as cold as the cold weather that's been hitting some parts of the U.S. lately. So with presenting it here, I hope you have someone to cuddle with, and/or....

feel the warmth inside of.

Poem's lyrics can be found by clicking on the poem title in the Soundcloud widget.

J Train Lust

While the backstory was told in this video, it was originally told in my blog post, "Hearing Lust Can Warm You Up".

Hearing Lust Can Warm You Up

If you live in NYC, or any city across the globe with a public train system where crowded trains are a constant, then the inspiration behind my erotic poem, "J Train Lust" is not foreign to you.

On my way to work 2 Fridays ago, a handsome guy got on the train. To avoid him reading my eyes and seeing how handsome I found him to be, I looked straight down at my own feet. But along with my feet, my peripheral vision caught sight of something else.....This guy's crotch. A slight bulge in the crotch to be more precise. This sent my sexual fantasies into overdrive, and once I transferred to the F train at the Essex Street stop, I pulled out the journal I use to jot ideas down, and started writing. And the result became the poem:

I've also been having some winter sexual fantasies. Like many Blacks, I'm not a big fan of the cold. However, I would endure fucking in the cold (clothed or naked) if the right playmate came along. So considering the body's temperature is 98.6 degrees, that makes sense for my other erotic poem I'm definitely presenting will be entitled:

So if you're in NYC this Friday, come out to Titillating Tongues to hear these stories told.

I normally go for sexually ambiguous with my erotic poetry. But this month, the poems I'm presenting are DEFINITELY GAY.

However, I'm often the only gay male representation of presenters. So gay guys should come out to show we gay males have some solidarity in not only parties promising scantily-clad staff, but in the arts with clothed participants as well. Plus what you hear here comes early enough to be a prelude to the nudity you lust for later. 

Sex In Unison

Bi-Butterfly - The Poem

As said in a post from last year, I submitted a drawing to the open submissions for Leslie-Lohman Museum of Gay & Lesbian Art's exhibit, "Uncensored: Queer Art and The Church". I knew that my drawing would be a rarity by dealing with bisexuality, since biphobia is quite rampant in not just the gay community, but for American attitudes towards sexuality in general. Which is quite ironic and hypocritical since the purpose of the exhibit was to "flip the bird" to attitudes towards sexuality by the church.

What I didn't know was how rampant it was until I recently presented this poem inspired by the drawing at Titillating Tongues. It created the most lukewarm applause I had ever received. The only time I received a less enthused applause was when I was the first to take to the stage, which is understandable. But that was not the case here. I was somewhere between being the 5th or 8th presenter.

So with such an experience, why insist on presenting this poem here. Because this poem tells:
1) my bisexual fantasy; as well as 2) my bisexual truth; and 3) the truth of other bisexuals as well. Even those who have yet to come out because they don't want to deal with prejudice in some other form, like I faced that night through applause.

Bi-Butterfly

The hot pink of a woman’s vagina

Shows the color of flesh covered by her skin

It’s the blood rushing throughout her body

From a heat starting from within

Her clit, her nips, and all of her lips

Swell as they crave my touch and entry

Admiration of this sexual beauty

Is how the human race has thrived for centuries

Tonight as I take flight

I’ll hold her close with only my right hand

Since she is not my only pleasure passenger

I hope she understands

Sexy royal blue man held by my left hand

He is the other passenger on this ride

You would think he’s being a gentleman

Saying, “Ladies first” of who gets me inside 

But it’s his plan to have my cock drenched by her pussy juice

Which he wants when I dip in him next

His main goal is to be the cause of my cum explosion

And feel the throbs that concludes the sex

I don’t begrudge his plan

If I wanted to play “catcher”, I would do the same

But tonight I am determined to pitch

And the beauty of his ass is to blame

It’s time to dispel some theories

About my bisexual ways

This craving is not a common conflict

That haunts me all of my days

One gender is my forever love & sex

The other is just a quick sex fix

But I’m sure all of this judgment and hate

Are those wishing they were a love or trick 

You are flying with a Bi-Butterfly

And I want you both tonight

Shielded by my wings of gold and silver

From the world’s scrutiny of our flight

The light of the sun, moon, and stars

Glowing around and through my wings

Making us free to play day or night

And any time in between

There is no confusion, no lies

This openness is what makes a Bi-Butterfly fly

Go-Go Safe Zone

Many of us, even straight women, go to gay bars/clubs, and have sexual fantasies about the go-go boys. However, for one reason or another most don't deserve to be dancing on the bar, the box, or stage, much less lusted after. Whether it's because they (a)simply can't dance, so you can tell their light skin color got them the gig, or (b)they have a blatant attitude with which they give preferential treatment to certain patrons based on skin color, ethnicity, age, and/or gender, which if they were really competent, they wouldn't show that at all. These go-go boys' prejudice is so out of control they completely turn a blind eye to how respectful that patron may be. I've discussed this before in an old blog post entitled "Go-Go Boy - Etiquette Lacking".

So this poem that got its debut at July's Titillating Tongues tells the story of meeting a (sad to say) modern-day rarity ---- a go-go boy who because he does his job right, is actually worth trying to hook-up with.

We feast our eyes on go-go boys

More eye candy in the gay scene

But lust overrides managerial etiquette

Based on all I have seen

Rhythm-less Nation twinks & muscles

Being light or White got them on the bar

But all having hearts of dark

Then you arrive, the one shining star

With no racist, ageist, or sexist standards

You treat each respectful patron the same

That makes you more desirable

Enough to tip, then try for your name

Asking your name is pretty common

Asking your phone number, I may go too far

For you’re not chained by job or choice

It’s just my wish you also feel the spark

I dared to ask for your number

I first figured you fake saying, “On my break”

But come your break, you sought me out

Saying, “I keep the promises I make”

Back dancing, your body really swayed to the beat

Making a sexy movie play in my head

Of how skilled you must be

If we had each other on a bed

Whether it’s you riding the pony

Or me riding hard on yours

Our uncontainable pleasure moans

Will be going through the walls and doors

Then you interrupted the movie in my mind

With music hotter than the dj’s jams

You said, “Why put off for another night

When I’m free tonight to be in your hands?”

Baby, whether it’s your place or mine

Let’s vow to keep on the lights

For you have been working

In the dark all night

Plus oooo, your body sweat

The light lets me see

The fun is lessened by the dark

Where I’ll only feel it on me

All the terms while you’re on the job

With me, let them leave your mind

For you are not on the clock

This is your private sexy time

So don’t do a striptease

Just undress

No giving lap dances

Just give sex

And the music blasting our ear drums

Are the bed squeaks and moans to the rhythm of our fun

Should you share a bed with me

Consider it a go-go safe zone

Where the pressures of your job

Are meant to become unknown

The only dance to please me

Is the one you do in and on me

Missionary, cowboy, doggy, and spoon

Cumming,

Then cuddling,

Then sleeping ‘til noon

Watch You Sexual

At my last appearance at Titillating Tongues, there was some extra time. So all performers got a chance to go up again. With that being the case, I decided to present a poem that shares the title of this blog post.

Should anyone find this post's title familiar, then it's because you won the gift bag I put together for my first appearance as a pornstar guest on Will Clark's Bad Boys On The Hudson Sea Tea back in 2006. As part of my gift bag, since none of the 4 movies I appeared in by that time had come out yet, I gave away some DVDs from my personal porn collection. I made a box, and on the side of the box, I put a picture of myself with this poem, "Watch You Sexual".

In the video's intro, you hear me mention that this poem was inspired by watching guys in straight and gay porn. That's not 100% true. For it was also inspired by the thought of seeing any gorgeous man in a sexual encounter. So that could also include playing voyeur to a handsome stranger I catch in the act, a hot guy at a sex party, even my own lover playing with someone else together. And in all of the aforementioned instances, it doesn't matter if they're playmate is 1 male, 1 female, or 1 of each. For as I've said numerous times before, not just because of my bisexuality, but I find all sex beautiful.

If this poem seems hypocritical considering all of my recent talk of how open relationships seems like a bad idea to me, keep in mind 2 things:
1)I wrote this poem back in 2005, the year I got into porn. And awhile before writing it, I started fooling around with a couple from Jersey City at least once a month. So part of the poem was written by me trying to see things from their perspective, as well as my own. And;
2) even though I admit to think a bit differently of such relationships now, there is still a crazy part of me that likes the idea of seeing my lover pleasure someone else, but emotionally bound to me. So this can only be a poem I could recite to him. However, considering the guilt I would feel having sex with someone else, this is not a poem he can recite back to me, unless I revert back to my old viewpoint on such relationships.

So if this is how you feel, by all means,

ENJOY!!!!

Erotic Poetry Video - Be My Pillow

I am an ass-man.

To the point that I'll dismiss a guy for having no ass long before dismissing him for having a small dick. So imagine my surprise when after a Twitter exchange with a follower with an amazing ass (outside and in), that I realized I had never used my skills at erotic poetry to pay ode to this body part. A body part that can draw me to a guy quicker than a moth to a flame.

If you are a friend of mine and/or like this blog on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter, then you have often read comments from me about a hot guy's ass saying how I wish they could make a pillow out of their ass. So it was easy to entitle this poem,

Be My Pillow.

Erotic Poem - Be My Pillow brought to you by PornHub

It's true. With all the money wasted on stupid, major delusion-inducing, phony-feeling "real-feel" sex toys and novelties on the market, it's funny that we have yet to see such an erotic novelty on the market. Now, watch someone steal this idea of mine and make millions that should be mine. 

Seeing Me Before I - the backstory

Jim Koury, The editor of the magazine Diversity Rules recently approached me about featuring a poem of mine. Diversity Rules didn't really include poetry, but Jim said that he's been admiring my poetry lately, and that he wanted to try something new with the magazine, along with it recently going back into print edition. So I'm honored to be considered part of this change.

Now, as for the backstory of the poem of mine they featured....

Some time around 1995, a few years before 9/11, also a few years before me coming to terms with my sexual orientation, I used to work at The New York Mercantile Exchange, which at the time was located in 4 World Trade Center. In order to get on the trading floor, you had to have an ID tag, and there was a security guard always stationed at the entry to make sure you had one. 

The security guards changed over time, but one will always stay in my mind. He wasn't that tall, had buzz-cut blond hair, and beautiful light eyes. When I would go on and off the trading floor, he would always say little things to me. Even though the things he said seemed innocent enough, since I didn't see him do it much to others, I began to get the vibe that he was flirting with me. 

The most defining moment to raise my antennas was on what was called "Dress Down Friday" where we were allowed to wear jeans and t-shirts, instead of the usual button-down shirt and slacks. At the time, I was a fan of the pop/rock band, INXS, so I had one of their t-shirts on. As I was walking back onto the trading floor, this security guard whispered the group's name as I walked by. Even though I was socially inept, I was sexually aware enough to know that group's name, INXS, said in a whisper to anyone is a sign that you're being courted. And even more of a sign was when I looked back after passing by him, he was looking back at me ----with a grin. 

Every time I looked into those light eyes of his, I was hoping some situation would come about to make it be that me and him would end up alone. And in that moment alone, he would try to make a move on me, and confirm not just my suspicions of his flirtations, but also that about my degree of being gay because deep inside I knew I wouldn't fight it. I have had instances of passing him in the hallways or running into him in the bathroom, but there was always at least one other guy there, and that at least one guy was always uber-straight. So there goes the bathroom fantasy becoming reality of us playing a game of "You Show Me Yours, And I'll Show You Mine", and/or us slipping into a stall and me positioning myself to be fucked like a savage. And yes, even back then I always knew that if I was to be gay that I would eventually be versatile as I am now, but I also always knew that come my 1st time, I would be a bottom.   

Between my being in denial of my orientation and my being socially inept, I wasn't sure if my suspicions of him being flirtatious were correct. So I asked of all people, my Mom. Whether you are one of my most loyal readers or new, learning that my mother is quite religious might surprise you as to why I would go to her to confirm or refute my suspicions. It's because since puberty, she has always made me aware of the fact that I had a look that many gay or bi-curious men willing to experiment would be drawn to. So knowing I'd get such honesty, and me having almost no friends, my Mom was about the only person I felt I could tell my suspicions to. And as it turned out, I'm sure much to her chagrin, she confirmed my suspicions. 

You know how they say "you never forget your first". Well, he wasn't the first guy to do such flirting, nor was he was the 1st that I wanted intensely in return. But he was the 1st to have eyes that I felt saw right through me. 

I was often scared to look into his light eyes because they were like glass. When the truth is, if anything or anyone was made of glass here, it was me. With his light eyes actually being mirrors for me to see my being a 5'6" tower of glass making a feeble attempt to hide the gay man inside. Because also as they say, "it takes one to know one". So if he was gay, there was no hiding of myself from him.

So this poem comes from me saying my "shoulda, coulda, woulda's" as I remember him . Him, who back in 1995 saw me before I finally saw and began loving myself on February 9, 2002 - the night I came out to myself going into February 10, 2002 - the night I lost my virginity.

Normally, this is the point where I post the poem. My most loyal readers know that is what I did the last time I posted this story. But since I believe so much in this magazine's mission, I took the poem out as a way to urge you readers (old and new) to get the whole magazine.

So I hope you will get the digital version, or help bring print magazines back by getting your copy HERE.
Thank you.

3 Flows of Man-Milk River/Neapolitan

This past Friday, as I said I would, I went to the erotica open mic event, "Titillating Tongues" and debuted 2 new poems entitled, "3 Flows of Man-Milk River" and "Neapolitan".

Especially with "3 Flows of Man-Milk River", I didn't have my intros too well-planned out, hence the stammering. My goal that night first and foremost was getting the poetry and sentiments behind them out. More so with "Neapolitan" whose importance of combating sexual racism was told in the backstory I posted a month ago.

In regards to the video's somewhat poor quality, I recorded it with my last cell phone. But again, the importance was the messages of eroticism and romanticism. So please enjoy.

Prince Albert Goes Inside

The Prince Albert.

The name given to the piercing some guys get in the head of their dick. I've sucked on a couple of guys with them, so that curiosity is satisfied. What one sexual curiosity about the Prince Albert I've had that has not been fulfilled is...

...What does it feel like to bottom for a guy with one?

I've been curious about this for the longest. Ever since I sucked on my 1st cock with a Prince Albert. After all, I'm one of those guys who if I suck your dick, you can take it as an invitation to fuck my ass.

This guy and I have been talking about hooking up for awhile now. Recently, we finally made it come to fruition. But I needed some time after the hook-up to figure out how to explain my experience with this guy's Prince Albert. Because there were some unexpected occurrences during the course of our playtime.

As soon as I walked in the door, we started making out. It didn't take long before we were naked. After my poem "The Hair Down There", all of the hair on from his chest to his treasure trail was a welcome sight. However, an unexpected sight was seeing that treasure trail lead to a pierced cock. Part of the surprise was not only because his cock was pierced, but because he never showed his cock in his online pics. With that being the case, you have guessed correct to believe this hook-up was originally intended to have me as a top. This led to the other unexpected occurrences.

Our emails and text messages to each other made it clear that he was lusting for my dick, and I was lusting for his hole. So the next surprise was him moving behind me, and grinding against my ass. I have no problem with a bottom admiring my ass. It's just that I personally never do it unless I have plans to fuck his hole. We then laid down on the bed, still making out, my dick was getting hard believing it would soon be engulfed in the warmth of his hole. He laid me on my back, and started sucking me off. Now this is what I believe a bottom does to prepare his top. And he was that great rarity - he knew how to suck cock, and suck it well. Well enough that my dick immediately got rock hard. But then I felt the oddity return.

He started fingering around my asshole, then he put my legs up in the air, and started eating my hole. I gave myself the excuse that he was one of those bottoms that liked to eat his top's ass. Well, he liked to eat ass, but for a reason. He wanted it wet. He reached over and put some lube on his cock, then ate my ass some more. When he came up again, he got more lube. However, this time ----he put the lube on my ass. This was the next unexpected occurrence. He dick was now stiff as a board, and he put it against my tight hole. His cock was so hard that it went it easily into my well-lubed ass. The difference of him having a Prince Albert was that 2 rounded edges slipped into my hole and then rubbed against the walls of my ass tunnel - The 1st from the Prince Albert, then the 2nd from his cock. And FYI - both were thick.

I like pleasant surprises during sex. Hence why I douched before coming to his place, even though I was expecting to top. I thought what if we have so much fun, he decides to invite someone else to the mix after we're done, and that someone wanted to top us both. Instead, there was no other person. It was just the 2 of us, and I somehow became the bottom. And it wasn't because my dick wasn't hard. Quite the opposite. It was just something about my ass made him want in. This wasn't the first time such a thing has happened, and I'm sure it won't be the last. I believe that since I'm not an overcompensating macho top or a "don't-touch-my-cock" bottom, I give off the vibe of my sexual open-mindedness to change up the schedule, and it makes some guys feel comfortable changing up the plans should the mood strike.

Well, I don't regret changing up the plans one bit. For as with most guys who are either total bottoms or versatile bottoms, our acting on the combined knowledge of what works because we've both been in the other's position made the sex AMAZING. His Prince Albert might have contributed to his loud orgasm. One that was so loud that had the wall behind his bed been adjacent to a room with anyone in it, we would have without a doubt had an auditory audience. And who knows, maybe his volume of his moans traveled so that we did regardless. Also, even with the air-conditioner on, he was drenched as if he was a rain cloud that just did a downpour on me. And my kink for wet bodies is part of the reason why while we were both exhausted, I can't speak for him, but with my exhaustion, I could have easily went for another round...or two.

So after much wondering, I have finally experienced bottoming for a guy with a Prince Albert. Was it any different than a guy without one? I honestly don't think so. I believe it did more for him than it did for me. Because it has long been said and proven that the brain is the most sensitive sex organ. It's why the weak-minded are so easily taught attraction. But with my strong mind, the intensity I experienced was more about my intense attraction to him, not his pierced cock that we're told gives us more sensation to the person being thrusted into. So I believe no matter how many times we fuck, Prince Albert or not, as long as that attraction to him is there,....I'm going to like that dick.

Happy B'day, LeNair!.... 10 Y.O. Feeling Alive & Sex

Quite contrary to the title, my birthday is actually March 31st.

However, what many of you don't know is that on February 9, 2002 marks the day I walked into Splash Bar, and came out to myself as a predominately gay bisexual. Then just a few hours later, since it was after midnight, February 10th became the day I lost my virginity... in that fateful 5-man orgy that became one of the reasons I gave myself the nickname, The L XTreme.

Therefore, with this year being 2012, that makes it a decade, 10 years of me being out.

Unlike most gays, I don't count being "out" to be about everybody else knowing. For me, it is about me knowing, and me at long last being at peace with it. No one should feel the need to wear their orientation on their sleeve yammering about it in places where it's not a need-to-discuss topic.

There are times that I'm a tad bothered to have come out as late as I did. And there are others when I couldn't be more happy about my late blooming, which is actually the majority of the time. For one being older, I came into the gay community with a better sense of self. One that will very likely stay with me and grow better and stronger into my old age. I won't be like a lot of the gay community who come out in their teens and early 20's who claim to have a sense of individuality but in all actuality DON'T.

Case in point, my late coming out makes it easier for me to know that when I say I like a certain type of music or particular singer, it is because I SAID SO. I'm not doing like a lot of gays making an icon out of artists (ex: Madonna, Beyonce, Cher, Lady Gaga, etc) because it is the "gay status quo" or "gay rite of passage". For treating these women like their gods don't make us males a damn bit better of a gay man.

And I say this as a big Janet Jackson fan, but as much as I love Janet, I'm not making a deity out of her. For she's not paying my rent or a single one of my bills.

This may very well explain to some degree why in my 10 years out, all of my attempts at relationships thus far have not worked. Because most of the guys were emotional cripples void of that sense of self because they live their lives following if not the gay status quo, they followed another moronic status quo of some kind. And because of that missing sense of self, they made themselves disposable to me. Call me "cold" for seeing it that way, but I'm not the one crying over a broken heart when all signs said, "Tell the sorry bitch, 'GET THE FUCK OUT!'".

So the "10 Y.O." in the title is for me feeling 10 years old in regards to my feeling alive and with that, experiencing my ever growing knowledge about sex, life, and love. And the feeling alive part of it is what is most important to me. That's why I'm hoping to be a part of the Rainbow Book Fair's Poetry Salon again this year, so I can unveil a poem that I wrote dedicated to the gays young and old who never got to make it to the point where I am. That point of being at peace with whatever degree of homosexuality they knew was in them.

The title of the poem is "3-31-41".

For this year, I will turn 41.

Now, if I decide to celebrate my coming out and losing my virginity, how should I celebrate? Maybe have my own 5-man orgy, but this time show my sexuality has gone full circle by making sure I'm the total top this time, and not a total bottom like I did when I lost my virginity. Saving my orgy for being totally versatile for when I celebrate 20 years out and proud. Hmmmm. It's a thought. But seriously....

....Maybe I could just celebrate by being in my apartment, alone or with friends. Or hanging out in the city, alone or with friends. Either way, I can't help but be happy no matter what. For after all those years of struggling with my orientation and contemplating suicide, I might not be here at all to be happy.

Happy that I'm alive. For life is good. And keeps getting better with time.

Thank you, God. :-)