Nathaniel, R-U A Rapist?

For the first time in awhile, I went to the NYC gay bar, The Eagle for their Jockstrap Happy Hour. At this event, proceeds go to a charity by way of a $5 cover as most patrons strip down to usually a jockstrap or some other kind of underwear and enjoy cocktails, beers, conversation, and flirtation. Most guests from my experience partake of these things well and act respectfully towards one another's personal space. However, there is often someone with such a rabid level of social ineptitude that they can ruin it for someone.

Well, on this night, the name of the person with the rabid social ineptitude was Nathaniel.

I paid my cover and entered the bar. In less than a minute, this tall, slim black male came up to me introducing himself by saying "Hi, I'm Nathaniel". Even though I don't know my degree of celebrity, knowing that I have some at all still makes me wonder if such an abrupt introduction is either a social media follower or someone seeing me as an Average Joe.

He immediately offered to buy me a drink, and I refused. I shouldn't have to explain why I refused. However, since using one another is such a commonality in gay society endorsed by its media, nightlife, and porn, An explanation for my refusal is necessary before I continue.

When a guy offers to buy you a drink, he wants something. If you don't want conversation with him, don't accept the drink. If you don't want to kiss him, don't accept the drink. If you don't want to end up having sex with him,... DON'T ACCEPT THE FUCKING DRINK!!! So in practicing what I preach, I refused. Because your sex appeal in that person's eye (and/or their desperation) is what got you the offer. And I'm not going to let my sex appeal get me something from someone who I know wants something in return, but I have no intent of giving what they want to them. That's what justifies Karma's action when she takes your sex appeal away by way of your subconscious guilt making you age poorly.

Anyway, after my refusal, he persisted in trying to talk to me. I said I just got here, and I wanted to settle myself first. He seemed to get the hint. He told me to enjoy my evening, then walked away. As I was waiting, I was so in a rush to get in the bar that I forgot I needed to use the restroom. So I went. When I returned, I went to the opposite end of the bar. Once there, Nathaniel came back, and started talking to me again. And it wasn't like he was approaching me out of drunkenness that made him forget we met just a few minutes earlier. He was well aware that we spoke before because this time, he did not introduce himself.

In response to whatever he said, there were many things I said that made it clear that if I was to entertain his company at any point, that moment was not the time. Such as how a few times when he said that it seems like I had a wall up, one time I responded by saying, "I do. Because I don't know. It comes down the more I get to know you." In whatever various ways I said that, I told him the truth each time. Another time in his rambling I responded by telling him, "When I first walk into a space, I like to assess the room. Get a feel for it. And to focus and get an honest assessment, I like to do that alone. Hence why I often go places solo."

He still kept talking to me. In fact, he even furthered his closing into my personal space. For most of the time, he was leaning against the bar with his left hand. Leaning into me at a less than 45 degree angle, which was inciting my porn-induced PTSD to do something drastic.

With hindsight being 20/20, I think one of the things that saved him from a heinous reaction was the fact that my porn-induced PTSD is incited more by being actually touched, which even in his close proximity to my body, he never did.

As he kept getting such responses from me defending my justified personal space, he became unjustly defensive in both his verbal responses, and his body language. Such as how he went from the less than 45 degree lean to taking his other hand and putting it on the other side of me, closing me in.

The whole encounter had me so annoyed that I only remember bit and pieces of what he said. At that moment all I recall is that he was asking me how old I was. I told him that I would tell him if he would stop trying to corner me. Me having to negotiate for my personal space to avoid responding with a physically violent reaction made his existence more insignificant with every letter of every word he spoke and every millimeter of his movement. For he was trying to close me in to possess my time and space.

Now, as a Black man in the racist clusterfuck that is the American gay community, I am more than a little aware of how disregarded a black male can feel. Especially when we have been passed aside for white/light-complexioned guys by someone claiming to like, or even love us. In every scenario from a backroom tryst to a long-term relationship. However, the accumulation of such hits does not justify Nathaniel (or any other black male) imposing upon someone's personal space. Especially not in that fashion. And especially not the personal space of a stranger --- what I was to Nathaniel.

With all this said, I must publicly ask Nathaniel this...

Nathaniel, are you a rapist? Have you called yourself having a conversation with a person giving only a few inches, instead of at least a foot between that person and yourself? Have you gotten defensive when they ask you to back up? Even if they ask with the utmost politeness? Have you gotten defensive when their polite words show they would rather be left alone?

I must ask these questions because based on your behavior on the night of April 19, 2019, you have all the makings of a rapist. Repetitious in executing power moves upon the personal space of a person you have no claim to. So if you don't fix this behavior now, I expect to hear news of you being accused, arrested, indicted, tried, and convicted in due time.

I actually hope you have done no such extent of harm to someone. But if you have, I hope this article inspires them to come forward.

THIS Is MY Body - Lesson To Invaders

The title "This Is My Body" originally came to me as an erotic poem idea. But it was incited by seeing a former playmate of mine playing in a backroom with anyone who seemed willing to fuck and be fucked by him. More so the latter. Since my writings have long made it clear that value my body enough to need more than just my constant horniness to give my body to someone, I started working in my head a poem with the scenario of me presenting my body to my playmate or lover. Making it clear them that person that my presenting my body to those was not in the empty vein of that former playmate.

The first couple of lines came to me, but they started to turn. So the original sexy poem are going to be delayed for a bit. For the lyrics became ones telling someone to respect how because it is my body that I have the right to say "No! No, I do not want you".

This was because in that same night, a light-skinned Latino came up to me, and touched my chest. Initially, he was not bad-looking, but something in his energy made me uninterested. And it soon became evident as to what exactly was off-kilt in his energy.

For due to that bad vibe, I calmly moved his hand. Instead of him allowing the reality of how "No means no the 1st time", he touched me again. I felt my porn-induced PTSD being on the verge of a more violent reaction, so I started to walk away. As I was doing so, he added pinching my nipple to the unwanted touch.

We exchanged some words after. One of which led to me calling him a "socially retarded faggot". So evidently, I foresaw the potential for this behavior early on. So much so that it was in his aura. Hence how his initially being "not bad-looking" turned to being officially bad-looking.

I was already starting to work on the above video, but another incident happened just a few days later that made me need to put a rush on publicly releasing these emotions.

I was an at underwear party, and saw someone there who basically sexually assaulted me about 4 years ago. It is quite evident that his obsession with me and social ineptitude has not changed. I wrote a Facebook post the day after telling of one of the previous instances and the most recent. The most recent is what is told in the following excerpt:

This recent incident, I was being a voyeur to the action in the bathroom. I felt a body up against me. Then an unknown penis against my butt. I turned and saw it was him. When I moved to get away from him, he tried matching my position to block me from leaving. I was traumatized for a moment because it made me relive that last confrontation with him those years ago - ending with me throwing him against the wall.

If this is how this person behaves, I'm sure there are indicators of such social ineptitude from him in other spaces. For there is no doubt in my mind that THIS GUY IS A RAPIST.

What saved me was me being sober, and in a space where I was not alone. So I feel sorry for anyone who has been alone with that guy. But even more so, I must question the judgement of the person who brought him there.

This is a shame because such behavior is why people who would like to venture to these sex positive and sexually permissive spaces do not. And if such people do patronize the space, they cackle like hens hating on everyone who does partake of what the space/event offers. Even if those partaking are doing so showing respect for themselves, their partners, and their fellow patrons.

For all of this to stop, (as stated in a post on my Pied Piper of Sex page) we first must live our lives, especially our sex lives, denouncing the rules instilled in us based on body type, color, ethnicity, religion, and sexual orientation. But until we get on the same page with that and beyond, whenever someone approaches us with unwanted advances, we will always have the right to say, "NO. FOR THIS IS MY BODY!"

Sex Party Etiquette: YOUR Hard-Up Rhythm Is Not OUR Rhythm

Yes, the image above is of a male putting his hand on a female's neck. But it is to push her away from an intrusion that sex party patrons, regardless of their gender or orientation have had to contend with. To the point that some of you may have actually done it yourself, or at the very least, considered it.

For if you've ever been to a sex party or backroom, there is no doubt that you have witnessed (as the top or voyeur) someone putting their hand on the head of the person giving a blowjob. Or perhaps, you have been the person whose head gets shoved into the crotch of your playmate by this overzealous voyeur. A voyeur who needs to get a life, instead of living vicariously through you.

Why do I speak of such a person so harshly? For a number of reasons that I am extremely unapologetic for. And if you are the person who has done such touching on a blowjob bottom, then you need to take a seat and learn why what you are doing is so wrong.

First of all, you were most likely not invited to this grouping. It is over 95% likely to have originated as a coupling, not a 3-way. And even if it is 2 people on one cock, the cock being sucked is not yours. Therefore, unless it is your partner being sucked, you have no idea what cocksucking rhythm pleases him. So you are being disruptive to the cocksucker finding the right technique to please their playmate, and you're also disruptive to the person being sucked. Especially if a pleasing rhythm and technique have been found and executed before your interference.

Some move the head with the innocent intention of assisting the pair enjoying an oral sex session. However, as they say, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". With that said, regardless of your polite intentions, you are still violating their session and personal space. Also, you are wasting time by living vicariously through them. So you really need to keep your hands to yourself.

In my experience though, the way the person interfering pushes the head of the cocksucker is usually not in a way that shows that they on some level want to assist. The one interfering often pushes the head with the kind of force that comes from pent-up energy finally finding a release. The problem is that, as stated before, they were not invited. And they are so socially inept in approaching the situation that they become intrusive and overly aggressive with not just one, but 2 people's bodies.

I have experienced this enough that I was seething when I saw the scene in a PartyHardcore video that I made this GIF from:






If such aggressive pushing comes from the partner of either the blowjob giver or receiver, it is safe to suspect that there is some under-discussed jealousy issues between that couple claiming to be some degree of open. In such a case, be you the sucker or suckee, it is just best to remove yourself from the situation. A fight between the couple might happen whether you stay or go, but the jealousy issue causing that fight will not be your problem either way. It is theirs. Regarding a matter they should have addressed before putting themselves in that environment and situation. Therefore, you have no need to bear witness to it.

While I didn't mention it before, sometimes the pushing is done to the one receiving the blowjob. An intrusive voyeur will touch the lower back or ass of the guy getting a blowjob, and push him into the cocksucker. I suspect the one giving the blowjob is usually the initial target for intrusion because of the chauvinistic (therefore idiotic) mindset that makes sex all about serving the male penis. So being a cocksucker becomes looked upon as a role of lesser power. Well, I proudly proclaim that I feel no less empowered when I go down on a guy. In fact, I feel more empowered. For my mouth makes him satisfied, and the receiver's satisfaction makes me satisfied.

In any case, interruption of a pair's oral session makes a swift response to make the pushing of the cocksucker's head cease become a justified response. So don't be like that intrusive, pushy chick in the gif. For like her, you receiving such a response to intruding upon a couple (as that guy did her) will be one well deserved.

7 Rules of Sex Shop Etiquette

Going into a sex shop should always be an adventure. One that is made best by following certain rules of decorum. Here are 7 rules to make your shopping experience at a sex shop the most stress-free.

 1) Take your time 

Your venturing into a sex shop is you buying something for a most intimate possession, your body. So if you don't know exactly what you want, be it for you or someone else, take your time to figure out what works for the intended recipient. 

2) Speak to a Customer Assistant, not a Salesperson 

Many will think that these 2 job titles are one and the same when actually they are not. A Customer Assistant does just that – assist. You tell them what you're looking for, and they'll assist you in finding what works best for you. They are not governed by a big sale, even if it comes at the expense of what you really want. A Customer Assistant will tell you the safest materials, and let you do the rest for yourself. Because after all, it's like my personal motto says.... It's your body, your call. 

A salesperson on the other hand will talk, and talk, and talk. Leading you... ALL THE WAY. The problem is this might result in you buying something your body doesn't really want or need because you were not heard enough to be properly assisted.  

3) Do not open packaging 

There of course are times when a sex shop product calls out to you. It may be in packaging, but without a demo in sight. In that instance, ask a Customer Assistant to help you. For a sex shop is not a clothing store where you can easily go into some packaging, take it out so you can get a feel. Products in a sex shop are products that go to even more intimate parts of your body. So when you want to see a product there is no demo for, ask for assistance. Please don't take it upon yourself. 

If you think about opening the packaging yourself, think about this scenario: 

What if the store let every customer open up packaging? Imagine how many hands would be on that product before it finally got in yours. Would you still want it? Exactly, you would not. So please don't make the product undesirable for anyone else who might want it, even though you don't. 

4) Shhh! Not so loud 

The excitement of venturing into a sex shop is totally understandable. Especially with friends along for the ride. However, you are in a store. An adult store. So please keep your elation over the experience under control. This is a rule more so for the sake of the other customers. 

For while you can be vocal in your taking in the experience of a sex shop, and still be progressive in making a choice, others might need lower volumes around them. I'm not saying to be quiet like you're in a library, Just be mindful of where you are. 

Again, it's an adult store. Not an amusement park for children. Of course, have fun. But be responsible enough to acknowledge not everyone’s way of (or volume in) relieving their nervousness over exploring their sexuality is the same as yours. 

5) No T.M.I. sexual info or touch 

Maybe you find your customer assistant attractive. Maybe you just want the ego boost because you think you have a great sex life that no one knows about, and you want to tell somebody, anybody. Whatever the case, a sex shop is not the place for it. Not with a Customer Assistant, or a customer. 

That also means keep your touching under control. Sometimes customers touch me with a friendly tap on the shoulder. I'm usually alarmed by this. For touch can give one more insight to someone's kind of energy, and despite what the one touching thinks, their energy is not always good. Plus, we seem to live in an age where boundaries that should be known to us are often disregarded, therefore crossed. So I think it is best that customers refrain from touching Customer Assistants and customers altogether to avoid crossing that line. 

6) Only Sample Toys On Non-Intimate Areas 

Yes, you are in a sex shop. However, keep your sampling with demos in/on non-intimate above the waist areas. Because no customer wants to touch a demo that you put on your bare nipple, in/on your mouth, your butt, or your genitals even if it's outside your clothes. 

7) Don’t yuck anyone else’s yum 

We all have our individual desired positions, kinks, and fetishes. And we have every right to voice them.... in your private space. However, in a sex shop where all sexual tastes are permitted and respected, it’s rude to knowingly insult someone else's sexual taste with any overt body language. That is unless the action, kink, or fetish can easily be proven as being mentally and/or physically harmful to one's health, and/or based on color, ethnic, religious, or body shape bias. 

In short, when it's not dangerous, live by the old saying, "LIVE AND LET LIVE". 

With all of that said, there is a lot of fun to be had when you venture into a sex shop. But while sex is an act in which we are often encouraged to go at with some level of reckless abandon, doing so in sex shop takes away from that fun. So when you go into a sex shop, follow the above rules to keep it fun. Keep it cute. Keep it sexy.

Porn-Induced PTSD

The other day, I posted on Facebook about an incident that occurred the night before at The Cock's underwear party, Playpen, in which a guy from my past invaded my personal space. As I was writing about that incident, I realized that while being angry about someone invading your personal space is a natural and justified response, I saw myself get on the verge of violence. And it's not the 1st time that violent urge has occurred as an instantaneous response. Luckily for me, having outlets like my drawing and writing have been my therapy to hold the monster back.

This initial violent urge started after I retired from doing gay porn. Don't get me wrong. I have always been protective of my personal space, as everyone should be. However, my 1st response would be to instinctively yell at my violator. Much like a dog barks at a violator to warn them to not proceed with that violation, for an attack with violence will be the next action. The problem is after I retired from porn, I see now that my initial reaction to violations of my personal space has me having to force myself to do the instinctive yell. For my more instinctive initial reaction is to get violent to protect my personal space. Realizing that let me know something is wrong. So now I had to figure out what exactly is wrong.

What I have concluded is that it's some kind of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) brought on by my time in porn. And if you are a gay male, and this claim seems odd to you, then it's a hideous sign of how we as gay males are taught to have no boundaries for who we let touch our bodies, unless based on superficial credentials. Such as skin color and financial standing.

As gay males, we are led by many to allow any- and everybody to touch us. It started from the high number of gay youths who had to turn to prostitution after being thrown out of their homes by hypocritical Jesus freak parents/guardians. So it was a means of survival. For them. The problem now is that the chain of abuse has been put in play. For older gay males are prostitutes' primary clientele. So they teach the newly out gays that letting yourself be touched, no matter how disgusted you are by the person is how you survive. It's how you get ahead.

This is especially true in gay nightlife. Even more so if they're willing to tip. You are to let it be a stroke to your ego, because such appreciation for your beauty won't last forever. Well, I'm 45 and patrons still try stroking my ego - so so much for that theory.

Now, for those times that a patron is a cheap piece of shit who cops a feel without tipping, you're allowed your human nature to be annoyed by that patron feeling entitled to your body just because you're scantily clad. However, the desired reaction from you by most patrons, party promoters, and venue owners is to suck it up to avoid making a scene. And in the gay community, since the worlds of nightlife often lead to gay porn that set of rules follow. Rules that I myself allowed.

For when I was in porn, I would go out and be a lot more permissive of guys touching me, even if I didn't want them to. It was a means to sell a love for the porn persona.

Now, with me no longer needing to sell that image, my body is 100% MINE. I can be out and about in my undies or naked at an underwear or nude party, and feel no obligation to be touched if I don't want to. And my being in my underwear or naked entitles no one to put their hands on my body without an invitation from me via eye contact or verbal means.

I've long realized that the porn industry as a whole gives a false sense to performers that they own their own bodies. Unfortunately, the fact is it's the studio you're an exclusive for that owns your body. If you're not a studio exclusive, like I never was, then that ownership of your body is being passed along like a baton in a relay race. So regardless as to whether you are a studio exclusive or not, your body is never yours. And it will never be yours again until you leave the industry. This realization is what gave birth to my poem, "Boss of My Body".


This aftermath of being in porn further proves why I'm right to advise guys to not get in it. It's an ongoing process of no longer living that life. Maybe I would have less of these conflicts with guys invading my personal space if I wasn't an exhibitionist. However, that doesn't diminish the fact that I have a right to be an exhibitionist in an allowing space. It doesn't diminish the fact that "No" means NO the 1st time. Nor does it exonerate the guys who invade my personal space from deserving shame for their blatant social ineptitude that makes them disregard my saying "NO".

Violence as punishment is something I hope to continue to avoid. I have used various art forms as therapy to avoid it thus far, and I plan on continuing to do so.

With that said, I do feel for those past and present in the porn industry who are suffering from that stress, or will be in the future. For the lights of their porn-stardom will fade on them at some point. Either by their own choice, and/or by an undesired exile by the industry's ongoing desire to prey upon the desperation for validation and naivete in newer and younger models. Thereby, kicking out who they feel is old and overexposed.

So I wonder, will they mature as I have? Will they realize that there is a problem? If so, do they have the means to get those feelings out like I do? Or will it eat them up inside, and cause them to act out? Or will they do as most (if not all) present porn directors who used to be porn actors?...Start their own porn company with the same rules they were taught, thereby leading the chain of porn-induced PTSD to continue.

For some, these questions have already been answered. For others, all we can do is wait, and hope for the best. Unfortunately, as long as the industry continues to endorse prostitutes and gay-for-pay bitches in denial before exhibitionists, it's sad to say that we must expect the worst, while hoping for the best.

I ♥ Sex with Extremes

It's been quite awhile since I've told a tale about my sexcapades at a Daniel Nardicio party. So this is what happened to me recently at Daniel Nardicio's Horn of Plenty.

I knew before hand that I was going to strip down and walk around in either my underwear or totally naked. It was just a matter of when. It got delayed because a guy came up and started talking to me. He wasn't initially one of my preferred types, but I thought to give him a chance to work his way into being so. That didn't work out so well.

The conversation started out great. His flattery and all of that was working. That is until we're weren't talking for 10 minutes yet, and already he reached down my jeans to feel my ass. In a place like The Cock, that's good timing. Plus, he did ask for consent. Then what's the problem?...He asked while he his hand was already down my jeans, and not before. But for some reason, unlike with past intruders upon my personal space, I was polite. I didn't use my words of truth about his lacking social skills as a means to drill through his skin, flesh, then bone, then turn his heart into string by ripping it out through the hole. Although his actions gave me every right to do so. For this reason, when he decided to go get a drink, while I could have done like most guys, and used him for a free drink to pay for his bad manners, I instead went elsewhere.

And that's when the fun of my night began.

First, I got undressed. Because at a Daniel Nardicio party, I tend to feel way overdressed in any degree of shirt and pants. Even if it was summer time, wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts would be too much for me. So I stripped down to my jockstrap.

I ran into a guy I fooled around with before at the ManMeat NYC parties. At that party, he topped me. And we knew we still wanted each other. So we slipped into a dark corner, and made out. Then he started positioning himself. I saw that ass that I was groping when he was fucking me missionary at that sex party. This time however, he was offering it for me to enter. So I took the obligation and topped him. I would have shot my load if it wasn't for the big White guy who kept touching me even though I was politely moving his hand off of me.

After that playmate left, I met another guy. He was a White guy over 6 feet tall. We kept giving each other quick glances and smiles. After awhile, I realized that he was like me ----shy. So I upped the ante on our conversation. I wasn't sure if it was just conversation, or conversation leading to some kind of sexual play. It became clear once he decided to tell me that he was a bottom. I figured that he might have told me that because with our height difference, a guy my height of 5'6" courting him might most likely want him to be their top. Well, truth be told, I was game for that if he was.

We went to the bathroom together only to find a bunch of other guys there. He obviously didn't care as he immediately squatted down, pulled my dick out of my jockstrap, and sucked away. And he was actually very good. Good enough that I wish there was enough room to bend him over, and fuck his ass. While a blowjob to me whether I'm the giver or receiver is an invitation to fuck, in this case, it would have also been my way to say "Thank you, Baby. You earned my dick in you."

While I was getting sucked, someone was touching me. I looked up to see who was touching me, and it was this good-looking short Latino I noticed earlier. But once I started raising my head, he immediately stopped. And I never had a chance to give him a bad look. And I wouldn't anyway. Because once I saw it was him, I was all for it. So after he stopped, I reached out for him. Once he came over to me, he got behind me, and grinded against my ass while the other guy continued sucking my dick. I reached behind me to feel the Latino's ass. It was nice, juicy, and so smooth. I never said it, but it made me want his dick. Then he pulled back for a moment. I heard the rip of a packet I figured was a condom, then after a pause, he started feeling for my asshole. Once he found it, he put on a spit lube. So it was like he read my mind.

I wasn't sure if getting fucked in the ass would kill my hard-on from the guy sucking me. For in the past, I would lose a hard-on once my ass got penetrated. The only way my dick stayed hard was by taking a male enhancement pill. But even then, there was no way I was going to orgasm.

However, since my job gave me those Aneros prostate massagers for my birthday, even though I've masturbated with each of them at least 1 time apiece, just like the brain that governs it, my body is a quick learner. For it seems that my orgasms while playing with my 5 Aneros toys has taught my body to do something that I couldn't even promise porn producers like Michael Lucas ----I can now orgasm while being penetrated. However, this was the first time I would probably find out if I could shoot a load while being fucked by an actual person.

Well, with each thrust from the Latino, I felt myself getting closer and closer to shooting my cum load in the White guy's mouth. And just as I was nearing the point of no return...another interruption. This time, it was a tall Asian that I've seen there before being his usually socially awkward self.

The surface thinking part of me feels sorry for guys like the Asian and the big White guy I mentioned earlier. Meanwhile, the deep-thinker looks at the big picture and gets pissed off to near violence. For I realize that just how I made the choice to be sexually repressed because of my strict Christian upbringing, they made the choice to live a life where they either don't get out much, live a life contrary to their sexual nature, are out of shape so few people want them, follow the rules of some sexual repressive cultures, or what have you. So whatever the case may be, with them being adults, satisfying them for their self-induced shortcomings is not my fuckin' problem!

Even though those interruptions made me have to go home and beat off before going to sleep, my night put a smile on my face. For I had a tall guy on his knees to suck my cock, and a guy shorter than me fucking my ass. 2 things that many initially assume should happen the other way around. I like using my exhibitionism to make people think outside of what they were taught to be "the norm". So the fact this sex education moment was happening for everyone in that bathroom to see....made it more of a turn on. ;-)