Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Write That Down #35

Whenever I meet someone new, at some point, the conversation gets to my blog, and how my blog started with me formerly being in gay porn. That last revelation understandably opens a floodgate of questions. I answer every question without hesitation. However, there comes a point where the guy will ask a question, and he apologizes for asking it, or for staying on the subject. Sometimes his apology comes after asking as little a number as 2 questions. I always tell him that there's no need for him to apologize and I understand his curiosity.

Lately, I've been wondering why is it that no matter how many (or few) questions a guy asks me about the porn industry does he always feel the need to apologize. And I recently came to the conclusion that it may very well be my own fault.

You see, my mother has always told me that I have very expressive eyes.
 She said that if I don't like someone, that no matter how much smiling I may do, all they have to do is look in my eyes, and they'll know how the truth is...I actually LOATHE them.

So being me, I further broke it down by saying to her, “So while my smile says a nice warm, ‘Hello’, my eyes go cold saying, ‘Your b*tch a** is lucky that we’re not standing on the edge of the cliff, because I would damn sure push your a** off, and watch your blood splatter as you hit the rocks below.”

My Mom replied, “That’s EXACTLY what you do.”

With that in mind, I now see that these guys are seeing that same duality between my smile and my eyes. My mouth says, “Ask away! I don’t mind.”

But simultaneously, my eyes are saying, “Can we change the fuckin’ subject, PLEASE!”

And come to think of it, why wouldn’t I? After all, trying to right so many wrongs in the gay porn industry didn’t make my time in it the happiest time of my life. And when you initially meet someone, you want them to see and hear of you at your happiest.

Speaking of happiness, that explains why I light up like a Christmas tree when I talk about sex and sexuality. Because as I've said numerous times before, I love nature.

And sex is definitely natural, while porn is not. It's not even the display of nature that it once was. Another case of how the love of money ruins great things.

 All this can be summarized by my latest "Write That Down" quote:

How do I know the connection between the porn industry and sexuality has been lost?
When I talk about the porn industry, my mood goes DARK.
But when I talk about sexuality....I start fuckin' BEAMING, get a second wind, and if you're HOT, I'm ready to give you a personal and thorough demonstration of some of the knowledge I've amassed.

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