Tuesday, October 30, 2012

You Can Say Never

This past Labor Day, I reconnected with someone I had talked to online. This led to 3-weeks of dating that I am now quite annoyed to have invested my time in.

What was wrong? In short, he was 3 things in someone I'm against being with.
Pretentious. Hypocritical. Stereotypical of his race.

How so is explained after the poem, thereby explains some lines you might find troubling or not quite get.

He said that what I do reflects on him, which is true. So he has a problem with my studio-based porn past, and he disapproves of my using the notoriety from it to springboard to my future like I am. But if you can't support me embracing my past, and how it has enabled the road to my goals of addressing social woes, then you are not man enough to be with me. Mainly because you are not man enough to even be YOU.

For one's past can lead to the roads and standards that take us to our present. Therefore, we must not run from them, but instead embrace them, whether they are flawed judgments on our part or not.

He even had what some would call naivete, but because of this technological age, I say stupidity to suggest I try erasing my porn past. My own computer-illiterate mother knows that even if I wanted to, erasing my porn past is IMPOSSIBLE.

If it's one thing I loath to be in the presence of, it's hypocrisy. And the downward slope with this guy continued when one of our talks resulted in him saying to me, "I'm a good guy. I'm a wholesome guy."

With this I wanted to scream, "YOU FUCKIN' HYPOCRITE!!!"

For my tight-as-a drum memory immediately went to how during sex, his dirty talk consisting of asking me if I like taking his "big white dick", when for me, it's not about taking his "big white dick". Instead, for me, it's about simply taking "his dick", regardless of color or ethnic origin. I also recalled one conversation of him mentioning how he partied and wound up at the sex party space that I'm proud to have been banned from. People who are truly "wholesome" don't do such things.

Now, if you were wondering why I posted this Facebook status update on October 14th, now you know:

Normally, I wouldn't tell this much personal business of someone I'm dating. Even with all my talk about sex, intimate details of my relationship partner would not so easily be put on display for all to read. But as you can see for me thus far, and with the following point, lines were crossed. That's why he was someone I was dating - past tense. So now, my self-imposed confidentiality clause due to courtship (then relationship) is null and void.

Stereotypical of his race
Now, this point explains mainly the 2nd stanza, and if you're close-minded to what I have to say already, it will offend you. Anyway, depending upon your race and ethnic background, there is a way of thinking taught to us that gives way to stereotypes. Such as White American culture teaches to be more book-smart, while Black American culture teaches to be more street-smart, meanwhile Asian, Latino, and other cultures teach that in coming to America to be submissive to Whites, etc. I personally have no interest in anyone Black, White, Asian, Latino, Middle Eastern, etc. who lives a life governed heavily by these rules of their racial/ethnic cultures. There is a middle ground for all of these thought processes, and that is what I try my best to live by. And the fact that few others do is not only the reason why I'm single, but also why I have a small group of people I call "true friends".

Anyway, in regards to this guy, his thinking was too stereotypical of White culture. And while I was brought up with Black culture, my entire family for generations has been taught to find the middle ground. Hence why we all excel to the praise (and chagrin) of many with whatever we're meant to do. But he expected otherwise of me because of his Midwestern White American upbringing.

A stereotypical White American is intimidated by a Black person, or any person of color showing book-smart intelligence. It's the reason why Blacks who show any book-smart intellect are not placed front and center in the media (gay media more than mainstream media is notorious for this). So these kinds of Whites repeatedly try to one-up you since as a Black person, you're not sticking to "the program" of being all about your "street-smarts". You're a Black person that took the time to empower yourself more so by listening and reading as well. And while they say they applaud you, to the stereotypical White American, that wider spectrum of knowledge is scary. Hence this guy's lack of support for my blogging insinuating that my venting helps no one, as well as his constant need to unnecessarily edit my correct words. Even though he said that he has an "infatuation with guys from the other side of the tracks". His exact words, I am not even paraphrasing.

At first I paid that statement no mind. But now, looking back on his condescending behavior, I now take great offense to that. Because YES, I'm Black. YES, I'm from the ghetto. And YES, I'm come from stereotypical things. But look how I've made myself NOT be so obvious of that. But meanwhile, his pretentiousness, his hypocrisy, and his sexual shame is more than a tad indicative of the stereotype of where he comes from.

You all know me to be well-spoken. That's why some of you have been such loyal readers over my years of blogging. So if you haven't already, by now you understand my annoyance that led to the above poem and its title.

With all of this, in our parting phone conversation, 2 things I recalled saying to him:
1) that if he wants to continue his "infatuation with guys from the other side of the tracks", that he needs to not talk to them like they're stupid. And
2) A question that he should have asked himself before trying to pursue a relationship with me. That question being: What if I tried staying with him, became successful with what I'm trying to accomplish by being sexually open, how would he feel? And not just more successful by way of notoriety, because I already surpass him that way. But financially more successful as well.

His response was, "More power to ya."

From a male perspective, we know that's another crock of shit said like a politician to avoid the truth. Because any male knows that it's hard enough on the male ego to have a significant other surpassing you in their happiness in their job path. It's even worse when you add to that a better financial state. And worst of all is when you add to those 2 variables how it's by way of doing something you don't even support. This would breed the relationship-killing emotions of envy and resentment.

So with all that in mind, am I pissed? I think the poem more than shows ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY!

However, not just at him. But also at myself. For giving that much of my time, and even my body to someone like that. For someone like this needs to be left alone so that they finally get their wake-up call. Before someone comes along who doesn't use poetry as their release to stay sane as I do, and responds to his ways in a more violent fashion.

And with hopes of him getting that wake up call, I am sending this to him. Now, whether or not he reads it, and takes heed of it,...that's on him.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

F**king It Deep In Here

A few months ago, I made contact with a cute little Latino bottom online. We kept trying to get together to no avail. Then one night as I was going to attend a Hot Milk sex party, I hit him up to see if he was free, and if so, invited him to attend. He wasn't sure if he could make it. But as it turned out, he showed up at the party after all. We played there, but not without the often unwanted hands touching on both of us. Not good since it made me lose my hard-on, which of course is no good for a guy topping. Since then, we have tried to get together, but the scheduling conflicts arose again on both our parts. So when I recently got a text from him wanting to plan some fun on an afternoon that I just happened to be free, needless to say I wanted to get some 1-on-1 time before considering accommodating his insatiable booty, and maybe making it into a tag-team or gangbang scenario.

When he texted me, my initial thought was to suggest recording it. I even set up my webcam for it. But I never suggested any of that. I instead decided to just bask in the fun, and have it as a good memory. So imagine my delight when after about more than 30 minutes of various positions of me alone fucking his hot ass and him fucking only my dick, he suggested taking a picture of it.

Since I don't have that kind of equipment, I just turned on the webcam, decided to get a screencap later, and went back to fucking his ass and him fucking my dick. But at least there is no sexual denial, no sexual hypocrisy, no sexual shame, no sexual degradation of partners in this video. So it wasn't like the videos from Corbin Fisher, Sean Cody, Cocky Boys, Men.com, BigDaddy.com, etc. Videos that dumb-asses are paying money for just to hear time-wasting yapping and oral play that lead to 50% or less of the video showing assess and dicks getting fucked. This video gives you anal sex from the moment you press "PLAY":

To those that have an issue with this being a video of me having bareback sex, I'd advise you to check yourself.

Because in this video:
Am I being disrespectful to my bottom like in most studio-based porn today?
While I am being a top, am I being a top playing into the racial stereotypes of Black guys that in 2012 is still being reinforced by studio-based porn by being abusive, overly-aggressive, therefore over-compensating?
And lastly, have I ever denied having bareback sex, or spoke badly of it?

The answer to all 3 of those questions is a loud echoing NO!
A NO that screams louder than the hypocritical sacks of shit led by head hypocrite, Chi Chi LaRue in his "Shut Your Hole" video. In fact sadly, unlike those in studio-based porn, my behavior and the fact this video was made at all shows that my bottom has a voice. And I acknowledge it because he's a human being.

So with all that, I hope you enjoyed the video. And have your own fun void of sexual denial, degradation, hypocrisy, or shame. ;-)

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Write That Down #45

Last week, I posted that I was debuting a new poem at a Titillating Tongues open mic this coming Tuesday night. Unfortunately, that event has been cancelled, hence the removal of that blog post.

Through animated gifs, I gave a clue of what the topic of the poem was. If you haven't figured it out, the poem addresses the drug use in the gay community. I will debut the poem and also a song to accompany it to make it a complete story at some point. Maybe here, maybe at the rescheduled Titillating Tongues, or maybe at some other open mic night.

Anyway, anyone who knows me personally, or has read this blog for any length of time, knows of my experiences with drug abusers, alcoholics, my own experimentation, and how it all has now led me to keep such people at a distance. And if they are allowed in my circle on any intimate level, they are just a rare fuck-buddy at best.

Add to that how I'm still remembering the guy I was dating a few weeks ago whom another more explained backstory and poem you should be on the lookout for. Because he took issue with my being so open about sexuality.

All this combined made me come to realize why neither of these kinds of guys are man enough to be in my life for the long haul. With that said, it's been awhile, but my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:

For those who can't read it or enlarge it, it says:

Owning my sexuality and standards makes problems not for myself, but for others. For:

1) someone with shame over their sexual practices can't handle my openness about my sexual behavior. And;
2) someone who drinks heavily or uses drugs can't deal with me because I know they are a coward about some aspect(s) of their life. Otherwise, they wouldn't be doing the drugs and/or drinking so much in the first place.

Either way, neither are man enough to handle me. For being with me means they have no place to hide their shame and/or cowardice.

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