Sexual Narrow Mind

Many things in the gay community dictate the perceptions and sexpectations we gay males have of one another. Based on everything  from our skin color, age, exhibitionism level, sexual orientation, etc.

The problem is... many of them lead to life as a lonely single gay male, using certain sexual exploits to overcompensate.

Unfortunately, the main influencers to this problem among us are once again, gay media, porn, and nightlife. For our straight parents can't tell us what it means to be a gay male. Add to that how many running outlets of those aforementioned gay sources tell you to do away with even the decent principles your straight parents taught you, you will then end up with gay males having ignorant and limiting outlooks.

Sadly, they will always be the main contributors to this problem until a complete overhaul is done. One that adds new blood to surge through the veins of these influential sources. New blood from those who are more self-assured, ethical, non-racist, therefore more representational of our country's rainbow of skin color. When that happens the relevance of poems like "Sexual Narrow Mind" will no longer be.


Sexual Narrow Mind from LeNair Xavier on Vimeo.

Naked Parties: Freedom & Openness Unveiled

I have either been to, or plan to attend a variety of naked parties. Some have been cocktail parties. Others were game nights. Some are naked drink-n-draws. And there are even some naked movie nights that I've been told about. 

Nudity is natural beauty of the human body. A natural beauty that can just be admired for ridding us of the pretentiousness clothes often bring to us. Or it can be a natural beauty that is considered sexy. Unfortunately, we Americans usually don't associate nudity with being calming or sexy. Instead, we are taught that with nudity... comes deplorable sex, and one cannot exist without the other. Hence why naked parties are seen as taboo here, while other parts of the globe are finding my need to write this post totally unnecessary. Well, let me tell you that is not at all the case.

A naked party might allow sex. However, that depends on the rules established by the host and/or the venue. And whatever their rules are, we must respect them. But sex does not have to be on the agenda when a naked party is being planned. The primary goal of a naked party is to give its guests a place to be free to show their true selves, because it's quite likely their time in clothes denies them of that so much.

Clothes are often a mask. An obstruction to seeing the natural beauty of the naked human form. I realize now why I have for a long time secretly hated the expression, "Clothes make the man". In fact, if you take a moment and think about it, most people who cherish that expression tend to be the most pretentious, shallow creatures you will ever know. For it speaks volumes of one's integrity when they feel of greater value by putting on the mask that is clothes, instead of being true to themselves and what their individual nature craves are. So speaking of cravings, let's explore what can happen when sex, or even simple courtship enters the mix at a naked party. 

Brace yourself! For in your being naked, you might find yourself attracted to someone you wouldn't normally be attracted to if you were clothed. Don't fear this. Instead, go with it. For the absence of clothes has left you to focus on the most important parts of a person. Parts you can't see with the naked eye, but instead feel with your heart, mind, and soul... Their intellect and personality. So nudity gives you more of the person's inner-being to focus on. A gift only the deepest of us will cherish, and the shallow will fear and dismiss. 

Now, of course we are talking mostly about parties where alcohol is in the mix. So depending on how you behave when alcohol hits your system, you will behave in 1 of 3 ways to an attraction. You'll either: 

• A) allow your inhibitions to lower. Let them undo what you've been taught by society and media in regards to what is the "right" color and/or body size to like. Let the new sensation of openness towards a different color or body size takeover. I can definitely attest to this. For I'm not normally attracted to husky guys. However, I have been to some naked parties, and not just made out with one or more husky guys, but had full-on sex with them. And wouldn't mind doing it again. All because of the focus on the inner-being that the nudity at that party made happen;  
• B) revert back to the rules you live by when you're clothed by interacting only with colors and body sizes deemed "socially acceptable" by your clothed clique. This is especially the case if people from that clothed clique are physically present, or too present in your mind. In which case comes the possibility of; 
• C) you'll have moments of see-sawing between (A) and (B).

One added plus that I have come to notice at naked parties is that there is less unwanted touching at a naked party than at a bar/club's underwear party. Unwanted touching has happened to me at a bar's underwear party whether I'm wearing close to nothing, and so is the person trying to molest me, or by some clothed asshole who takes the rapist mindset of saying "since you're damn near naked, you asked for it." Proving my aforementioned point of how too many Americans treat nudity as being forever co-joined to sex. At naked parties however, I have yet to have this problem. For the nudity brings an ease to everyone to not be on edge. We can lower our guards and be more ourselves than when we dress up in uniforms, suits, and costumes to go to work, or even a clothed friend/family gathering.

And I believe such a freedom is what we were put on this earth to experience. That's why I proudly confess that I have been writing this entire post NAKED WITH NO SHAME. And I hope it inspires you to go to a safe space, or create one where you can do the same.

Gift For Your Wishlist, Pornstar

If I seem angry over this, it's because like my annoyance with today's go-go boys, I see a massive degree of selfishness and laziness (among other displays of incompetence). When I think about how I obtained whatever I have, such actions confirm the stigma of how your typical male porn actor is far from a man. He is instead DISPOSABLE for being a LEECH.

All of my adult life, when I wanted something, I worked for it, saved for it, and once I got it, I could be proud of myself for the fact that I got it on my own. Not by me putting it on an Amazon.com wishlist and someone lonely old guy desperate for validation. In fact, I've had an Amazon.com account for years, and have never used the wishlist.

Case in point as to how much I've done on my own:

• Anytime during my porn career that I attended parties like The Black Party or HustlaBall, I didn't have a studio, or the agent pimping me out hook me up in exchange. NO. I paid for my ticket with my own hard-earned money.
• The cameras I bought to do many of the self-portraits I did to promote myself. Such as the one that I took the photos with that appear with my interview in the book "Ultimate Starz". Who bought that camera? ME.
• The PC I used to edit those and all photos, write my emails, promotions, apply to studios, etc. Who went to the computer store, bought the motherboard bundle, casing, memory, video cards, and CD/DVD drives to put that PC together? ME.
• And who put that PC together? ME!

So if I'm disgusted by seeing male porn actors not being self-sufficient, I have a right to be. It because they are living up to every negative stigma I have had to fight against then an dnow. So they cause us to fall back. Not move forward. This is why when these porn actors die, you see so much commentary on blogs showing how much no one really cares. For they lived lives that made themselves appear disposable.

And when you live a life of mooching and being a leech, why should we care?

From Daddy Issues To Cyber-Lynching

In various Facebook posts, I've talked about how some gay males daddy issues are manifested by sexualizing those daddy issues by persuing guys old enough to be their father. I have also said that I would be honest as to how I have my own daddy issues, male abandonment issues, namely. and that I would come forward and address those issues in greater detail. Telling how they came to manifest themselves in my own relationships.

Be it Danny, Toby, or most recently, Douglas Sanders, if it seemed that my talking about them bordered on obsession, there's a reason for it.

It's because unlike the other unnamed guys that I've been involved with, those aforementioned guys were failures because they did to me what my father did to my Mom.

They all laid the groundwork for something great to happen out of our time together, and when it became time to man-up, and up the ante on the directions our words, actions, and time spent together was heading, ...they bailed.

Danny laid the groundwork when he took my phone number at The (now thankfully closed) Roxy and called me a day or 2 later in the wee hours of the morning after he got off from work. Toby laid the groundwork when he propositioned me, didn't follow through, so he got rejected by me, but when given another chance, stepped his game up and didn't start following through by proving to be a self-destructive trouble-making drunk. And Douglas laid the groundwork when he invited me to attend his church, cooked for me the day before, let me spend the night in his bed that night and the night after going to his church, then after 4 months of wasting my time on my dime backpedaled because of his religious hypocrisy. Such actions should make it more understandable as to how I see my father's cowardice, therefore giving birth to the hatred I feel for these guys after giving so much of my emotional, mental, and creative self to them.

My cyber-lynching of these guys is how my daddy issues have manifested themselves. Now, these are not the only guys I've been involved with. I have blog posts and poems proving there are other guys. However, what made me part ways with those unnamed guys just warranted a poem or two (like "You Can Say Never"), or to be lumped into being the motivations for my vlog, "10 Reasons Why I Am Single".

I don't know how much (or if at all) Danny or Toby have improved from being the emotional cripples they were when I was involved with them. I do know that Douglas has not changed. And it should have made my latest tale of him disturbing to us all. For this crystal meth-smoking, popper-fried brained, sexually racist emotionally cripple coward of life is now allowed to officiate weddings and even worst...give people counseling???!!! All because the predominately black church in St, Andrews' Church's basement, Rivers NY is a fucked up enough dysfunction-enabling group to ordain him a minister, Like I said of them before, they're quick to take money, but if they were really on the up-and-up, Douglas would not have been ordained without getting extensive counseling himself to which my latest tale of him would not have been allowed. For that reason, it's a scary thought how many lives might be put in such self-loathing hands. And putting people on notice of that is what I am doing with those memory flashes of anger.

Now, some of the more stereotypical snarky gays reading this are probably saying, "That's why you can't keep no man. 'Cuz when things go wrong, you're go talk about 'em. So nobody wants to be bothered with you."

Well, what should I do? Stay quiet and enable their ignorance. When putting them on blast might be the wake-up call to make them straighten up and fly right. Plus, I've said it before, that if he is confident enough with the goodness of his heart, he will take that chance.

Now, while it's an odd time to revert back to my porn career, but a good example lies there...

I had a heated email exchange once with Chris Steele of Jet Set Men about his lack of Black male porn actors. Chris Steele, referring to my calling out Tyson Cane on his numerous displays of social ineptitude tried to say that I would have probably talked about him like I did Tyson Cane. And my response to him was that if Tyson Cane didn't disrespect me and my scene partners, there would be nothing bad to say. And I told Chris Steele that I would have nothing bad to say about him if he had done me right. Proof that I'm a man of my word on that is my continued friendship with Ben Marksman,...the director of my last porno, "All Out Assault" - who hired me even after reading numerous disparaging blog posts of mine about various porn actors and directors. If he wasn't confident in his own goodness, that hiring would not have happened, and that friendship would not be still continuing.

My point is that the same goes for any guy involving themselves with me. If he is truly confident and not misled of his worthwhile ethics by someone (like family, friends, job, or church group), then he will stand by all of his actions, instead of running from them. So even if things still go south, we can part ways with me respecting him, as I have actually had some amicable parting of the ways with some guys.

But how can I respectfully part ways with someone who relies on modern technology to drag out their cowardice by texting instead of accepting my invitation to actually talk the way Danny, Toby, and Douglas did? Or how can you respectfully part ways with someone whose cowardice (drawn out for any length of time) reminds me of that of my father?

The answer is you can't respectfully part ways with them. Especially, when their behavior mimics that of a bad parent. Thereby making it all too understandable why one like myself is pushed to such extreme to vent as I have been over these guys. For even if you move on, as I have,...you will never forget.

Lack of Sex Party Etiquette = Lonely Single

While I'm single, I have the many choices most guys do of how and where I can get sex if masturbation is not enough. I can make a booty call. I can go to a bar/club. I can go online. I can use a hook-up app. Or I can go to where this blog category is known for....a sex party.

I have made it no secret that I go to sex parties partly to have fun, and also to study sexual behavior. Hence why this section of this blog is so often read and respected. However, there are some guys who are so bad in their social skills that they have no other choice, but a sex party. Well, I had 2 instances in the course of 1 night that brought addressing this matter to this boiling point.

The party was at The Rainbow Playground, which is a party space in Queens that I actually like a lot, and feel many of the Manhattanites whose pretentiousness makes them want to keep their sex party play to a train ride distance within Manhattan only, would find to like the space as well. For it has in addition to an open area, it also has numerous little rooms to play in. Thereby eliminating the unwanted attention of socially inept, overly aggressive, desperate party-goers.

However, once you leave those private areas, you are exposed to the socially inept. Like those that inspired previous and future posts, and the 2 inspiring this post.

The first incident inspiring this post didn't happen during the following hot session, but after.

I hooked up with a hot, shorter Asian guy. It was in the open area, but so many patrons were paying attention to the playtime of 2 Whites guys that we had the space to ourselves for the most part. He topped me in missionary, I loved feeling his smooth skin get wetter and wetter from thrusting into me. After he came, he was attentive enough to ask me if I wanted to come. But I told him the truth, which is that when I bottom, I'm satisfied knowing that my ass satisfied my top. So afterwards, I went to do my usual post-playtime wash. And not in the bathroom. For another great part about the Rainbow Playground is that along with 2 bathrooms, it also has a wash area that actually has a sprinkling hose.

While I was washing off, this husky (maybe fat) tattooed possibly red-headed, lightly bearded White guy comes into the area. He then proceeds to take a piece of paper towel,and wipes himself off like I wasn't even there with the water running rinsing myself off. I calmed my nerves before speaking, because I didn't want to cause a scene I had every right to cause by cursing him out. So once I collected myself, I said, "Excuse me. But I would like to be alone."

Then he goes and stands near the curtain that's there for privacy...with half of his wide ass outside the curtain, and the other half still where I could see him watching me. Witnessing this I made my tone more stern and said, "I still didn't ask for an audience!"

So like a poorly trained, spoiled brat that's finally been put in his place, he reluctantly took himself just outside the curtain.

The 2nd incident was a very brief stint in one of the small rooms. Me and this short Latino walk in, and it turns out being pitch black. In such an instance, if there's no where else to go, I would have still kept my skills in pleasing my partner in check. Well, this little shithead calls himself putting lube on my ass, and instead of touching me to find my hole in that darkness, then apply it generously, ...he just slaps the lube on me. Leaving this feeling of a blob against my butt. He tried putting his cock in me after, and I just said, "NO!", pushed him aside, then proceeded to walk out to clean off the mess he haphazardly made on my body.

A friend of mine has said that the concept of "The Great Latin lover" is a myth. He has found them to be extremely self-serving and overcompensating with their machismo. More so than males of some other cultures. Now while I have had a high number of great sexual experiences with Latinos that you may have read about, I must admit that me having similar experiences like that of my friend is why there haven't been more. This little shithead's move is a prime example of that negative generalization coming to fruition and lowering the number. He was so busy trying to get lube to make an easy glide for his dick, he never took the care to apply the lube in a way to be comfortable for me. In short, another selfish fucktard.

In fact, both of the aforementioned instances were acts done out of selfishness. And such selfishness is a behavior that when it leads to a lonely single life, like these guys probably have, one can take solace in calling that lonely single life, "JUSTICE". What is more disgusting is how both of these guys were around my age (44), which means they probably have been doing selfish acts like these for God knows how long, and still haven't fuckin' learned!

Such senses of entitlement,  lack of manners, and poor skill is why such people are single, and NEED a sex party. For anyone tolerating these behaviors  are putting themselves in the position of having to pick up where these guys' (immediate and/or gay community) parents fucked up. And no one wants a life with that. Hence why if they are in a relationship, then it's an open one that is unhealthy. Unhealthy, because for such incompetence in their social skills, their "partner" likes the "relationship" open as a means to have the constant option of getting the fuck away from him!

However, if their partner is tolerating this behavior even to that capacity, then he's not too right in the head either. So him and his poorly socially-skilled partner might as well be monogamous. Because no one in their right mind should want either of them, even for a minute.

Whatever the case, my ongoing learning through sex parties shows me another reality of behavior that crossover into ones daily life. Behavior that needs correcting before it damns you to a life of justified loneliness.

Chemicals In Our Night

I Want My Vanilla To Fuck Your Chocolate, But...

I recently presented at the NYC erotica open mic event, Titillating Tongues, a poem entitled "Weapon Of Mass Seduction". It was about how some of the many compliments on my ass come not by words, but actions from some unlikely sources. Here is where you can find one previous story told on this blog based on each stanza:

3rd Guy Stanza:
There have been a number of sexscapades that had me initially thinking I would be a top, and even with my dick rock hard, I wound up being the bottom. But none were as popular as the encounter I talked about in "Prince Albert Goes Inside".

1st Guy Stanza:
When I first wrote "Weapon of Mass Seduction", I thought the only situation I was going to tell of where my ass enticed a guy enough to make them go against their own script where anal sex actually resulted was that from the 3rd verse. As it turns out, there was another. For I did get a guy claiming to be "straight" to fuck me for a bit. I told the story on this blog almost 5 years ago in "2 3-Ways, 1 Week, #1 - Straight's 1st Gay Poke".

2nd Guy Stanza:
Now, if you're wondering why I'm going so out of order in leading you to the stories that motivated each stanza of my poem, it's because there was no single story written beforehand about my ass being desired by a racist. I've only mentioned that such instances exists. Well, I'll tell of one exact such instance now.

One night I went to a bar's underwear party. I know the coat/clothes check guy, so I occasionally came by and chatted with him. While he was helping someone else, I stood back a few feet away. During that time, an initially cute White guy about my height (5'6") with brown hair and glasses walked in. Once my friend was able to help him, he started stripping into his underwear. It turns out he had a nice gym body. Now before, during, and after the time my friend was helping him, I was never looking right at him, but my peripheral vision caught this guy repeatedly looking over at me. And my peripheral vision caught him because I later realized that I was standing at a profile to his line of view. Unintentional as this standing position, it of course means that in his looks over, he saw my ass poking out. I didn't know him, so I took his glances to be those of interest.

With that in mind, shortly after, I did my usual investigating into the backroom area. Along with that was my usual rules for playing ----

 I'm here to observe sexual behavior, first. But if someone catches my eye, then I'll multi-task while playing.

And someone did catch my eye. A cute light-complexioned Latino who did not discriminate in what color of guy he played with, just as long as they were cute. He played with the White guy with glasses, as well as the Latino on one side of him, and another White guy on the other.The White guy with glasses had no problem sharing this Latino with the other light Latino and the other White guy. However, when that Latino decided he wanted me to be one of his playmates, the White guy with glasses had a fit. One like that of a pre-schooler.

He actually stormed off. Pushing people out of the way. I felt like calling Jo Frost from "Super Nanny" so she could "place him on the naughty step". The sight of it spoke tragic volumes about him, but his sense of White entitlement would never consciously see or admit it. Meanwhile, it was hysterical and ego-boosting for me. For here he is the age and race gay media & nightlife kisses the ass of and tell him that he's a sexual god. Yet, he runs like another little White faggy bitch when someone's attraction my 40-something milk chocolate skin & dark chocolate dick challenges how gay media and nightlife told him wrong. Even though his 1st look at me showed me that he already knew they were wrong.

So this Vanilla guy was interested in my chocolate for 3 possible reasons:
a) He was attracted to me, but denied himself to show it. For the racism he's been taught by either his inept racist parents, friends, media, nightlife, or some combination of the aforementioned that he is to only love and lust for white/light skin forbade him to show he had any sexual interest in me whatsoever;
b) My sex appeal threatened him. For even if he wasn't sexually attracted to me, the aforementioned racism told him that only white/light skin was beautiful. Therefore, he was beautiful. So while his natural knowledge of how all colors are beautiful is oppressed and suppressed, the mere sight of my sexy chocolate ass made that natural knowledge peek out. Making him realize that his white skin was not the only beautiful color in the bar. So as it does many White/light people, even though they will never say it out loud,...it scared the holy fuck out of him. Or;
c) A combination of a) and b).

Whatever the case may be, the fact is he, like too many other American males allowed racism to get in the way of his fun. And maybe, also like many other American males has allowed racism to dismiss a chance at love.

For there's a reason you see so many males sitting alone at these bars who seem ready to pounce on any good-looking guy of any color. Those are the ones who have learned. Meanwhile, there are still those American males so stuck on their sense of entitlement (in Whites) and hardships (in Blacks) that they keep their interest on the color accepted by the racist in their group. But even some of them have given me a hard gaze of interest when I'm go-go dancing at the bar. Regardless as to whether they have learned or not, their lusting for the young (or young-looking like myself) of any color has come too little, too late.

And that is what that White guy from that night, and the too many like him need to wake up and see. For that smooth youthful, white skin one favors, won't be forever. At some point, gay media, nightlife, and the community at large will discard you like the used and wrinkled paper bag that they'll say you look like. So you should check that racism now before Karma gives you that rightful bite in the ass.

Waiting On Karma & Father Time

The following poem was written speaking to the Whites who act entitled because gay media has foolishly endorsed them as the epitome of beauty for their white skin. Which in turn has lead to many having an attitude of them wanting to be only with Whites, or the light complexion members of other ethnicities. But for some, for the reason I'll explain in this poem this attitude changes. And the same holds true for Latinos, Asians, Middle Easterners, and Blacks of light complexion who have that same attitude because their light skin is giving them a very temporary pass. So they need to heed this message as well. For this attitude comes with a price. A price delivered by Karma and Father Time. Hence the title of this poem, "Waiting On Karma & Father Time".

Office Chain

My online chats and hook-ups, as well as adventures at sex parties and the backroom at the NYC bar, The Cock, have definitely given me a great deal of insight in people's psyche. And one sad fact I have repeatedly found was guys saying that they don't get out much because they're always working. This explains the sexual aggression I see that is based in desperation.

Well, people need to prioritize, and make a decision. Are you going to have a life worth living, opening yourselves up to finding someone truly worthy of saying you're committed to? OR are you going to let your job wear you down, and settle for someone who simply tolerate because they're either getting just as worn down, or mooching off of the finances from you being worn down?

Make a decision, because the clock is ticking, and so is your heart...But for how long?

Dear Condom Police & BBBH

As with all of my blog posts, these subjects are in my head all along, but it takes one incident too many to be the straw that broke the camels back. Therefore, making me need to speak out.

This past Monday at The Cock, 2 guys were in the back fucking. Some busy-body patron came over there as if he's never seen such a thing at The Cock (of all places) even though he's there just about every week to say loudly, "Are they fucking?!" Then he continues with, "Are they using a condom?!" So with this he tries to use the light of his cell phone to see if they were. He proudly told another patron that he was being the Condom Police, especially since World AIDS Day was just the day before. Which I say it doesn't matter if it was the day after news of the new super-strain of HIV was discovered, it's still none of this busy-body bitch's business.

To continue, after the couple was done, the busy-body went over to them, and asked them if they used a condom. They said that they didn't, and they were boyfriends. The busy-body turned to the patron he was commenting to before, repeating that he was being the Condom Police and added that since they were boyfriends it was ok. Which I had already figured they were because I actually saw them walk in together. However, this busy-body goes back to that patron again less than 2 minutes later whispering how he doesn't really think they're boyfriends. Well, if they weren't boyfriends and you were this couple, wouldn't you say whatever you felt it took to make this busy-body bitch go away and stop intruding upon your playtime with whomever? Many might. I however, would have told him straight up to go plug his mouth with a dick and mind his mother fuckin' business.

But here's some degree of hypocrisy for you...

Not too long after talking this crap about the couple, later on I find the busy-body making out with the couple. The very same couple that he claimed he thought lied about being a couple to shut him up. This doesn't speak well for his attempt as the Condom Police. Nor does it speak well for the couple's self-respect, individually or as a whole. For when the fucking was happening, I was standing in between this busy-body and the couple, but way closer to the busy-body. So if I heard the busy-body, so should they.

Now, don't think I saw all this because I was being a busy-body myself. No. I saw this because I always take note of everything going on around me. Even while having my own fun, which I did.

Some might forget my history on the matter of condom use, and try to call me a hypocrite. Well for them, here's a reality reminder check you need to cash fast....

I have never pledged allegiance to the Condom Police, or BBBH (BareBack BrotherHood). I have never shoved condom use down your throats. Nor have I with barebacking. I have always been about choice. It is the reason the photo to your right has it's message, as well as the blog post that introduced it. And my stand on condom use remains the middle ground I have proclaimed for quite awhile now. That position being:

Barebacking and condom use is a matter of choice. And while it is unnatural to have a barrier between you and your sex partner, with HIV, and all of the STDs and STIs out here, one should consider condom use.

This stance is much to the chagrin of some people. Such as the little troll who attended the last discussion I moderated about gay porn being the gay community's educator and indicator. Who because of his claim of being a counselor felt that gave him the right to talk over me (the moderator) after I (as moderator) gave him the floor with no interruption. All because he wanted me to play Condom Police, instead of the middle ground I just rehashed. Now, here's the possibility of hypocrisy from another member of the Condom Police...For I'm not 100% sure, but he looks very much like the same guy who played commentator in my "Sex Party Etiquette: Who Hired The Commentator?" when I was trying to have sex with what turned out being a popper-addicted Asian.

With all of the extremism from the Condom Police, as well as the BBBH in mind, I have this to say to both parties:

Fucking The Mirror

Gays and lesbians hooking up with and/or dating their look-alikes. A sad, but true occurrence in the LGBT community. You see, the natural order of things is that couples tend to look like each other over time. Because you've grown to become one. So it only makes sense that looking like each other from the start is too much you too soon.

By fawning over the former look-alike couple, The Jarics, Falcon Studios made asses of themselves. And since the follower of a fool is a bigger fool than the original, those of Falcon Studios' fanbase that found nothing wrong with this made bigger asses of themselves. I never saw a scene of theirs, and to this day have no interest because of them looking so much alike. For only someone sick finds beauty in someone fucking their mirror image. For there is a big difference between loving oneself, and overcompensating narcissism, which is what hooking up with one's look-alike is.

The idea of Bel Ami's Peters twins fucking each other was wrong in so many ways. 

Hence why once that video of them fucking each other surfaced, my lust for them was done. For horny and lustful as I may be, I live my life looking at the big picture. With that said, I know that their fucking each other is born out of the same issues that makes gays and lesbian look-alikes fuck each other.

So I realize there is a reason that some gays go for their mirror image. And it's not because of acceptance of themselves like some might make a feeble attempt to argue. It's actually ---- Well, I'll let this poem do the talking from here on out...

PROOF I Don't Owe You A Feel Or Fuck

To close out my weekend, I went to the ManMeat (formerly known as Milk Chocolate NYC) after-hours sex party. It seemed that the Black guys there were wondering why I wouldn't play with them. Well, I already had reasons that pushed me to write "Black Guys, I Don't Owe You A Feel OR A Fuck!". And unfortunately, there were other "fine" specimens who were stupid enough to find my lack of interest hard to believe by confirming what I wrote with actions that cemented my views.

1)When you check your clothes, check your fuckin' hat, too! So many Black guys follow this that they all look the same in that dim light. And you can easily tell that it's a "Black thing". For if you take all of these ethnicities there, and how many of them are wearing caps, the percentage of Black guys is the highest by a very large margin. This may be a personal peeve for me. For I'm a common sense person, and I know that small as a cap may be, it can limit how much you can do with a playmate without having to worry about it falling off, getting in the way. But why are they wearing it in the first place? Some do it just because. But with so many in one ethnic group doing it, you can't help to surmise that it's a cultural thing. My feeling is why wear a symbol of a culture that's going to get in the way of your fun. Like I said, I'm a common sense guy, so I know I'm Black, the place is dimly lit, I'm not the only Black guy in the room, and that a cap takes away from your individual body outline. Therefore, if I go walking around with my hat on as a Black culture symbol, and others do the same, I can't easily be told apart from anyone else. And I pride myself on my individuality.

2)One Black guy was wearing not one, but TWO pairs of underwear. Yes, you read correct. TWO PAIRS OF UNDERWEAR SIMULTANEOUSLY. One of them sagging. Are you fuckin' shitting me? Call me "cocky" all you want. But do you really think I'm going to give my body to some stupid ghetto trash nigger who even at a sex party can't give the ghetto trash nigger concept of "sagging" a break?! And he looks at me weird when I back away from him, or move his hand. This made me so close to screaming, "Mother fucka, you look like you just stepped out another cheap ass ethnic porn video! Which makes you ghetto trash, which makes me too good for you! Stop following that stupidity, then maybe your chocolate stick can meet and fill my chocolate hole. For your individuality brings you further up to my level. But right now, your heart, your mind, your soul, and your dick are all too small. Thank you!"

3)It's been awhile since I bottomed. So I was so glad to finally come across someone who wanted to top me, and lay some pipe in my ass. It just happened to be a fit White guy. Maybe it was my hunger for cock in my hole, but as far as I'm concerned, he gave me the fuck of my life. And he could have gave it to me for hours. And this was just a quick Round One.
After that Round One however, there was this one muscular Black guy with dreadlocks who is known for having a big dick who wanted a go after the White guy. I never even saw his dick. I only knew it was him by the reaction of other guys he topped prior, and his joyful "Yeah"'s for hurting a bottom upon entry. Not asking my permission. He just went gunning for me as if it's my job to stay with my back arched and comply. For that reason alone, he was a TOTAL TURN-OFF to me. And don't think your big dick intimidates me. The fact that I've been double-penetrated should be proof of how it doesn't. But his ego...DISGUSTS ME!
He epitomizes EVERYTHING I hate about the images of Black guys put out in gay porn. From his no-ass having gym-body to his overcompensating ego and sense of entitlement because of this big dick. So much so, that he had the fuck-faced audacity to act like I'm the one with an attitude problem when I moved away from him. Well, he needs to cash this reality check, and if you know him (or someone like him), pass these words on to him:

You having a big dick, doesn't mean that every one who bottoms is to be at your beck and call. For not every one is dumb enough to be a size queen. So in addition to having a big dick, thinking we should be at your beck and call makes you A big dick. Thank you!

After instances such as these, you can't possibly think that what I said in "Black Guys, I Don't Owe You A Feel, OR A Fuck!" was me exaggerating. Unless, you are low enough in self-esteem to comply to them, Black guy doing this behavior, or a nigger shit bitch non-Black who imitates it. So let me close with reminding those of my brothers who happen to be Black like me that we as a whole need to better present ourselves in the gay community, and society overall. And that includes at a sex party. Because this behavior is not cutting it.

Black Guys, I Don't Owe You A Feel, OR A Fuck!

Whether it is at a sex party or even the backroom area of the NYC gay bar, The Cock, I have had one too many instances where Blacks guys seem to not take "No" for an answer. Though also unjust and intolerable, I'm aware that old White guys not accepting a "No" is because they've dedicated so much of their lives to their career that they lost the looks they had when they looked like the pretentious Whites we see today, sacrificing any real sexual social life in the process. So they have now become desperate. But what is the excuse of these young Black guys who are initially good looking, but become ugly by acting this way?

Before I continue, I'm sure some of you are ready to blame me for experiencing this by you asking, "Why go in the bar backroom, or a sex party if I know this might happen?"

It's a simple answer. It's because studying someone in the midst of the primal urge of sex, you get to learn who these people really are. For sex is so primal, many forget their filter, and you learn what they are capable of doing and saying, as well as the fucked-up mindsets they are governed by. Proof of this being that many single guys I found who knowingly avoid backrooms or sex parties, or always stand on the outskirts of the action playing the Cackling Hen commentator are the ones who have either experienced all that I am reporting in this post thus far and beyond, so they are no longer interested. OR they are the ones hiding the most, possibly even more heinous extremes of these behaviors.

Now, it's easy to let guys' compliments to me have me say that the reason for this behavior is that I'm "so attractive" that it casts a spell of some kind on them that they can't help themselves. Well, that excuse 1)makes it my fault, so you're blaming the "victim"; 2)rids them of taking responsibility for their actions; and 3)does not allow me to be humble about my looks, as I want and should be. Because at some point, as time moves on, so will this youthful appearance. And I refuse to act as if I don't know that.

So the one reason that makes sense to explain this behavior is that these Black guys make niggers of themselves by following some cultural credo that says to act this way. That because I'm Black, I owe them a chance to cop a feel. Or I owe them a fuck. Making whether I say "No" or not become irrelevant. And before anyone goes there, I am more than aware that there are also Whites, Latinos, Asians, Middle Easterners, etc. gay and straight who make niggers of themselves for following these racial entitlements and "'No' means 'yes'" credos. But here, I am speaking of my experience as a Black man that you can probably relate to depending on your own ethnicity or color.

Another reason is one that many don't want to admit to. Porn. For no matter how much you want to deny it, porn is still a gay male's teacher in how we sexually interact. With that said, it becomes obvious that the likes of the token Blacks from the big name White studios and most Black performers you see in ethnic porn are teaching gay Black guys weak-minded enough to follow that the overcompensating aggressive top behavior is the way to go. Which leaves other Blacks, Whites, or whatever ethnicity of the perceived bottom to comply without a fight, and tolerate the overcompensating rough sex from this top. It is for this reason that as much interracial sex as I have, I am unable to relate and find beauty in seeing it in porn, even if I top. For I have no intentions of lowering myself to being another nigger gorilla like Bobby Blake, Diesel Washington, one of the sell-outs in Chi Chi LaRue's "Blackballed" series, a FlavaWorks video, etc.

I expect better of myself, and so should my sex partner. That is IF he was wise enough to choose me to be me, and not the Black things he sees in videos. The problem is too many are looking for the latter.

YES, there is an overload of racist Whites in this country, as well as racist non-Blacks whose culture from whatever country they (or their parents) are from taught them to "marry White, because Black is whack".
YES, there is an overload of these same guys who are racist because of the influence of the racist Whites running gay entertainment (porn, nightlife, and media), but don't even realize they're racist sacks of shit.
YES, wrong as it is, porn teaches non-Blacks to be punished for their guilt of past and present sins of Whites and gay entertainment by having a Black guy fuck you so hard that you damn near puke out your innards.
And therefore YES, all forms of gay entertainment tell this weak-minded racist majority that if you feel you must have sex with Blacks that they're good enough for just a fuck, but not good enough for love.

But NONE OF THIS justifies you thinking I don't have a right to turn you down just because I'm Black. Because first of all, when you exhibit this kind of behavior,...

I am not Black like you. For you have made yourself NOT my "brother" or "brutha".

I am a human being FIRST. Therefore right or wrong, I am entitled to my choices. And you don't dismiss my right to choose by putting your hands on me after I have politely moved it. Thereby making it the right choice to dismiss you, and even do you bodily harm for invading the personal space that is my body. Regardless of where we might be, even if that's at a sex party, or backroom.

My dismissing you will never be because I "hate being Black" as one guy tried to tell me once. Otherwise, in a recent tweet after a sex party when I said that I felt like I topped the gay U.N., one of those many colors of bottoms was Black. And he got my attention by not following a porn credo. First, by being a bottom, then by loving my passionate, but non-abusive sex. But despite me overcoming my past racism against other Black males, the more Black guys keep up that negative behavior, and the more (unlike the guy from the sex party) the number increases of them imitating these nigger gorillas in porn, the more you will push me back to that dark place of being racist against other Black males. For it makes me border on asking myself, why should I stay in the light when you won't behave in a manner that shows I was right to bring myself there?

I've come a long way from what I used to be with that racism. So it would be wise to not make me go back there. Because as with any relapse, the next go-around...is going to be worst.

Why Gay Males Have Anal Sex

The title might seem like it has a simple answer. However, this is me we are talking about here. So you know that I can see that there are a few more factors as to why gay men have anal sex beyond answering such a question with the obvious question....

What Other Hole Is There?

This is the perceived simple question-answering-a-question that I am speaking of. As gay males, besides the mouth, we have no other orifice for a male to put his dick. But there may be more to it than just that, which I'll explain later.

Sex As A Weapon

Let’s get this sad, but very real fact out of the way.

Since the dawn of mankind, anal sex has also been used as a weapon by heterosexual males to belittle, humiliate, shame, and avenge. Unfortunately, whether based on cultural or personal history, this practice of anal sex as a weapon has followed some gay males into their sex lives today.

We see it all too often in porn scenarios where Black tops have this aggression towards White bottoms that can easily be surmised as them using sex to avenge their enslaved forefathers, as seen in Chi Chi LaRue’s “Blackballed” series. Or websites like ThugHunter where in the 21^st century a White guy uses anal sex to humiliate Blacks like they did during slavery. Or sites like FraternityX, Men.com, HazeHim, ItsGonnaHurt (and the list goes on) where anal sex is used as a weapon against their partners or themselves.

What makes this so sad is that such scenarios are imitated by the many of us who initially used gay porn as their gay sex guide book. So it is not until they grow up into real men therefore have an individual mindset will these gay porn connoisseurs truly appreciate the beauty of anal sex.

Admiration & Rewards

If you’ve ever had or witnessed straight sex in real life or in a porn scene, then you know males will put their cock in any orifice on their sex partner that they have admiration for, and that their partner will allow. Hence why straight guys besides having vaginal, (and like us) oral and anal sex, some also titty fuck their women. So gay men having anal sex is more than about there being no other hole on a male. It’s also about admiration of the beauty of the male ass. Followed by rewarding the bottom for how good he feels inside, and the top rewarding himself for finding such a great feeling bottom.

So anal sex is just like anything else. When done for the right reasons, anal sex is a beautiful thing. To watch. To feel. To hear. And even to taste. So be of a safe and sound mind, and make your beautiful anal sex adventures.