Fuck Train Engine

In my blog article "Evolution of My Bottoming", I mentioned how the French guy I was with made me the front of a fuck train, while he was the center. And how he was such a skilled center in picking up the rhythm of the guy at the end (the caboose) that I could feel the fuck rhythm changed when that last guy entered. That made me also reminisce about a couple of 3somes I had with a hot couple in Harlem. And how I experienced the same shift of who was running the fuck rhythm because of them being that much of a sexually in-tuned couple.

With that said, as far as my sexual history goes, I have been the engine, the passenger car, and the caboose of a fuck train. However, my favorite part is being the front - the engine.

After a social media posting, I was reminded that there have been a number of misinterpretations of what a fuck train is. Mostly because guys hear a term, and don't properly investigate the exact details of its meaning..OR they make up a term just to so their male sexual ego can say they made something. This has led to many confusing a "fuck train" with the terminology of "running a train on" someone. I personally feel the term "running a train" is quite idiotic because it is already what is succinctly and more appropriately referred to as a "gangbang".

So I made this drawing to give a visual of what a fuck train is. As for the color of the bodies, it's my way of giving a big "FUCK YOU" to the narrow-minded perception bestowed on us by porn. For all of the fuck trains seen in porn make it seem that only white males are sexually adventurous enough to participate in a real fuck train.

Plus, a real pleasurable fuck train is only 3 bodies. Not 4 or more. These 2 pictures may look hot because of the vast number of men being sexually charged simultaneously counters so many forms of sexual represssion. However, in actuality, it's another stint of a porn director living vicariously through his performers. Telling them to do something that may look sexy optically, but is by no means pleasurable in real life. For the too many bodies make it is a ball of confusion.


Well, truth be told, my fuck train experiences have been pretty much the skin color scheme I drew. I was the front of the fuck train with the medium skin tone; the guy in me was lighter complexioned, and the guy who was the caboose has always been the darkest. This was never intentional. It just worked out that way. And I'm quite proud of it because the diverse skin tones show how being sexually adventurous is not a market cornered by one skin color.

With that said, I am well aware that I am not the greatest artist in the world. I've been drawing since I was in kindegarten, but fell off from improving my skill. However, I do maintain enough skill to make my drawings say what they need to say. And in this case, it is to say...

THIS IS A FUCK TRAIN.

Tease of a Forgetten Porn Scene's BTS

Every porn scene has a behind-the-scenes tale that often has some surprising facts in it. So this behind-the-scenes story is a tease from one of my least known porn movies, "All Out Assault". I'll give a more full story, with more shocking bits in my autobiography.

So let's start with how the pic to the right is not the DVD's cover. It almost was though. For the director posted pics of every sexual pairing from the movie in a cover pic for his followers to vote on. This pic of me and my scene partner Taino was in 1st place until the cover with Mario Ortiz and Mike Dreyden was posted. Analyzing how that came about might be something else to save for the autobiography. So moving on with today...

By the time the 2007 Gay Erotic Expo came around, I was on the verge of being done with the gay porn industry. I only went that year to give the industry one more chance to stop being the racist, bottom-demeaning, rape-inciting shit pit it was (and sadly still is) before pulling myself out of it.

I wrote a blog post expressing my disappointment of how little hope I left there with. For the only hope keeping me around longer was meeting a new porn company's director, and a stud working a booth at another new porn company.

The porn director of the 1st new company I saw, Knight Stick Films wound up being the first and only director to keep his promise of being in touch. Even Rafael Alencar didn't keep his promise, but the director of a lesser known company did. And not only that, but this director conducted his business in a way that I wanted - he wanted to put together guys with genuine attractions to each other. Not like most of studio-based porn today, which is nothing more than directors being pimps throwing together 2 or more prostitutes who are way more attracted to money than each other.

Luckily, Taino and myself did have an actual attraction. At first, when I saw Taino at a booth for the company Craig Sebastian, I thought he was doing what any porn actor working a booth did with patrons at the Gay Erotic Expo - being flirtatious to get customers. Just like I did my first time working the Gay Erotic Expo in 2005. But after my blog post about the 2007 expo, when I realized that Ben Marksman the director of "All Out Assault" paired me with Taino, and Taino's reaction to meeting me in person to sign the contracts, I realized that the attraction was mutual.

After signing the contracts to do "All Out Assault", me and Taino exchanged phone numbers so we could talk about each other's sexual likes and dislikes so our scene would flow more smoothly. He called me the next day while I was on my lunch break from working as a mail clerk at Kenyon & Kenyon. A lunch break during which I was shopping at the (no more) clothing store Daffy's. So yes, I was walking through Daffy's near the walls to avoid customers from hearing me talk about liking to suck dick, talk dirty, and be spanked (among other things) while fucking.

We also discussed Taino not liking to eat ass. I informed him that I overheard that in a conversation he had with the director the night we signed our contracts. So imagine my shock when Taino rimmed my ass like it was pair of chocolate smash-cakes for adults.


That's one behind the scenes tale for you. Here's another part that I've talked about before, but from here on out, I'll save the details for my autobiography --- The scene almost ended up having me as the top and Taino as the bottom. Enjoy.

NAKED & SEXY WILL Come in BLACK

I've been deliberating about this for awhile now, but I'm entering again.

Gay media has puked out foul messages about medium to dark men of color, and men 30+ for the longest. Saying we either never had naked sex appeal because of our color, or we lose our naked sex appeal because of our age. Well, someone needs to take a stand and flip the bird to that.

So for me, while winning would be nice, it's not about winning. It's about not sitting in the crowd. For I feel sitting in the crowd when your have the goods to take to the stage confirms those aforementioned foul messages. So I hope to see you there to cheer me on.

Introducing X-Rayed Sex

In case you don't know, a few months ago, I did an interview for the Glam Award-winning Tumblr blog, Thotyssey. Now, as the blog's author Jim Silvestri tries branching out with the blog, he's allowing for a sex column, and I have thrown my name in the hat to be the column's author. In using that column to be an extension to the mission towards sexuality with this blog, I have titled the column,

"X-Rayed Sex".

My first topic for the column examines why in interracial relationships with a black male is the black male so often the top. Is there a perception to blame? If so, who or what gets the blame? Why won't we question this matter? Where does this ordained role for gay black males leave black bottoms? And who (regardless of color/ethnicity) wins in the end?

All of these questions will be answered in that post. So please, check it out:

Many Black Tops... So Many Non-Black Bottoms

Open Letter To Chris Ryan on Racism

Chris Ryan is a NYC party promoter. He recently posted a question on Facebook regarding sexual racism, which resulted in too many reactions from some whites that were not unexpected, but are therefore saddening since they don't speak well of us as a community. And as a NYC party promoter, Chris may unknowingly on some level enable these reactions to live on. So after seeing this reaction too many times before on other party promoter's pages, I decided to possibly enlighten him as to why such reactions exist, and why they are wrong. And it's my seeing it many times before on promoter's pages that I'm posting it as an open letter...


Hello Chris,

I recently saw this Facebook post of yours:

I will give you an answer, as well as get to how I feel about your question later on in this message. But let me start by saying that it's sad to say that I was disgusted, but not at all surprised by some of the comments I saw in response to your question. For too many of your 1st white commenters were quick to either brush the question off with a "Here we go again?" or a quick non-explanatory "No".

Such comments are common for mainly a white person, but also a person of a light complexioned ethnicity coming from an upbringing (in their youth and/or time in the gay community), or a medium to dark complexioned person trying to avoid a charge of being perceived as "angry" by any of the aforementioned. For the best known gay media sources including The Advocate, Out, Instinct, Queerty, etc., as well as gay porn and gay nightlife furthers along the "mind"-set that in knowledge, beauty, and sex appeal "white, then light are the only rights". So we are all taught that if we fuck and love white/light, we should never question ourselves when we do so. Hence the sense of white entitlement displayed among your commenters who refuse to stop and question themselves. This furthers along the reality of the stigma of how gay males have arrested development issues.

We are so bombarded by these images of what is smart and sexy by a short spectrum of color, while the color spectrum of human skin is actually way more vast. So since we as humans are not immune to coercion. we must stop and ask ourselves if our attraction is ours naturally, or media-influenced. Again, the whites with a sense of White Entitlement and arrogance endorsed by white-dominated gay outlets will be quick in refusing to do that look within. For they are the ones benefiting from it, and too stingy to share such glory.

What is most troubling about this is how meanwhile, all of the aforementioned who refuse to ask themselves if their attraction to whites/light is natural or media-influenced are quick to make someone question themselves if that someone should want a lover of a medium to dark complexion. Case in point, there are many times when I've been out, and a white/light person has given me a look of interest, but won't do a thing or say a single word. However, later in the night, I'll see them give that same look to a white/light person, and spring into action without hesitation.

Now, I have made no secret of battling my own racism towards other black males. And I have also made it no secret how that racism was induced by the trauma of my growing up where I was surrounded by black males who fit every negative stereotype seen in media. After realizing that since I'm a decent black man, therefore there must be more, I'm still in the process of finding more and more other black males as sexually attractive. But the only reason that has occurred is because I practice what I am preaching. I stopped to take a look at myself to ask myself:
WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?
WHAT TAUGHT ME THIS?
And once I discovered what taught it to me, ask myself...
HOW DO I UNDO THE MISINFORMATION LIFE'S CIRCUMSTANCES HAS TAUGHT ME, and the MEDIA HAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?

Such a look within is the act of a man. An adult. The problem is those who write such comments as "Here we go again?" or a the non-explanatory "No" are not man enough to do that look within.

So with all of this, the answer to your question is YES, it is racist. For we all have a preference, but only the shallow among us are the ones who refuse to believe the truth of how both sex and love are spiritual connections. And if you have enough depth to let that spiritual connection take over, you can find yourself sexually and/or romantically attracted to someone who is not of your usual preference. For the very 1st time I ever had sex with a Black man was for my 1st porn movie. Before that movie, my preference for guys lighter than myself took precedence. But since that movie and my look within, I have had a few occasions of sex with Black men outside of porn and sex party environments, and briefly courted one as well. Why? Because I saw something in their spirit that drew me in, and I wanted that spiritual connection with them in sex and/or love for it. So the only thing to stop someone from putting themselves in a place/situation to possibly feel and act on feeling that connection is RACISM.

Note: The fact that I've dated/sexed more lighter complexioned people than blacks does not mean lighter people are better. Every color is equally fucked up. Hence why I'm single.

Now, let me close with what I promised from the beginning in telling you how I feel about your question....Since a social media site like Facebook is where many go to validate their viewpoint by gathering "Likes", I can't help but wonder if your question on Facebook was simply a way to feel validated by all those who gave you that non-explanatory "no", Add to you being a party promoter, therefore on some level enables the racist mindset, which might give financial (but not spiritual) success, I'm even more skeptical. But I hoping more so that this question was posted because it is a genuine concern of yours. If such is the case, then I commend you for asking the question. For it shows somewhere in you, you are aware that so much of what I've said here is TRUE. So you have compassion. Now, whether or not you let that realization and compassion come to the forefront of your heart and mind enough to take further action in any way within your reach, that is up to you.

I hope this message came through with respect and diplomacy. If I diverted from that at any point, based on all I've witnessed, I hope you understand my frustration. Thank you.


B.U.2B FREE,

When I Write A Sex Tale, I Want You....

When I write a sex tale, my intent with writing such detailed descriptions of the sex is (as I have said in promoting my posts) to make my audience horny. In addition to that, it is also a means to motivate readers to try the position that I play in the story when they thus far play the complete opposite in their own sex lives.

One reason many tops don't want to try bottoming is because the image porn and other writers have made it seem that bottoming to is a role that is so submissive and emasculating to a degrading level.  For as I have repeatedly said, porn is a gay male's first teacher of sexual interaction 90+% of the time. So I try to write bottoming as a role without porn's imposed limitation. TherI try to write bottoming the way I live it ----as an act that can be submissive, aggressive, equal amounts of both, or a little of one and a lot of the other. With the ability for a change-up even occurring during one sex session. And whatever the case, one's self-respect and manhood remain intact. Thereby letting a top reading it see the great variety of additional optional sensations he's denying himself by not bottoming.

When I tell of my sexual escapades as a top, I am once again trying to undo the damage taught by porn. I want to show that topping does not mean you degrade your bottom as we see on porn sites like Men.com and TitanMedia videos. Also, especially as a Black male, I'm even more conscious about making my writing undo the damage many Black gay male tops have taken from porn, which they don't seem to realize is the reason why they have a revolving door of White asses to top, but never really being taken serious as a human being deserving of monogamy or a primary love. Instead, they're seen only as being the hashtag #BBC (Big Black Cock) - stick for their hole. So I make sure to show in my writing the humanity that I show my bottoms. When you read my sex tales, I don't want you to see images in the vein of angry-sex-to-punish-whites-for-slavery as portrayed over the years by Diesel Washington and Bobby Blake, or the absolute soullessness of Supreme. And these porn actors might not like me talking about them, but the fact remains that they, like I, must own the bad representation of Black males that they played, and many Black males are following that bad example today. Especially in their interracial sexual encounters.

In short, in the 2 previous paragraphs, one goal with my writing is that I'm looking to motivate all gay males to be a community of flip-fuckers. For unless there's a pre-existing medical condition, we as males have the tools (dick & ass) to play both roles. So why not make use of them, and spend forever exploring the pleasure to be found from both. I believe it's another way for sex to never get old.

This is another reason why I give such detailed descriptions of the sex in my tales as a top. For from my experience, many total bottoms says they have tried to top, but it didn't feel good to them. When I hear that, I always wonder how many of those bottoms tried topping a bottom who using poppers, or a size-queen who never did kegels to maintain their tightness. If either or both is the case, then that bottom tried topping with someone with a loose hole that didn't match up to the sensation from the tight grip of their hand. If certain circumstances and mindsets are the case, it's no wonder it didn't feel good. Also, keep in mind that bottoms have no responsibility of having an erection unless they need to achieve a cumshot for a porn scene. Therefore, regardless of what they say, they are total bottoms taught by circumstance.

I know many writers will tell you to not seem judgmental of an act when writing. Well, I don't live by the rules of this age that says "Say nothing", because that rule is what has so many having lousy sex. And it's not going to begin to stop until someone tries to educated people that certain behaviors are wrong to yourself, and disrespectful to your partner. Now, I may be just a blogger (at the moment), but I feel if just one person is inspired by my honesty in a sex tales of how wrong some of these allotted behaviors are, then my writing is entertaining AND educating.

With that said, it's impossible for me to stay silent when something is being done wrong, especially when it comes to a subject I love ----SEX. For one overall goal with my writing is to inspire good mental and emotional health during sex. That has not thus far, nor will it ever be achieved by one or more parties taking a huff of poppers, snorting cocaine, being drunk, popping pills, etc. So you will not read of me inciting such acts. You will instead read of me condemning them. Hoping to inspire you to leave those things behind before, during, and after sex, so you can have the best sex possible.

Now, haters are going to hate. And I know I have a sex life that many envy. Truth be told, that's on them. In any case, I've made my writing motivations more obvious, maybe those whose quick-to-judge attitudes make them believe my tales are for me to brag and nothing more will be enlightened to how I actually use my gift of writing about my sexual prowess as a means to better sex lives.

Honored Invitation, ...Then THEY Killed The Honor

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

My Apologies For My Rare No-Show

I am writing this post to publicly apologize to Daniel Naridicio and anyone else who was ready to support me as a contestant in The 4th Annual My. Nude York Contest, all to later realize that I was not coming. My failure to show is so highly unlike me that I felt it warranted an explanation. But first let me explain why I threw my name in the hat in the first place.

My entering The Mr. Nude York Contest has always been more about making the fact known that there is beauty in Black males. A fact that is proven ignored by how we are repeatedly overlooked as signs of beauty in gay media. Hence the 2nd stanza of my recent poem, "Beauty To 44 & 5 Despites":

That is, despite how you treat me
Like since I turned 30, I've been dead
And since this beauty is in chocolate
Your insecurities and envy make you choose vanilla and caramel instead

Well, being the stubborn Aries that I am, I refuse to let that stop me. For I spent the first 30 years of my life allowing people's words and actions tell me that I wasn't good enough for one reason or another. So I've decided those days are over.

And some of you are thinking "It's just a contest, get over it!", but please read between the lines and realize the fact that it's a contest judged by a large audience. An audience of, let's be honest, mostly White males in the multi-colored mecca of NYC who too often say that what is "beautiful" is only someone who is or close to their own color. Therefore, a person of medium complexion and beyond doesn't fit being called "beautiful" in their eyes. And I'm sure many darker complexioned males in the audience feel the same, and feel they have the beauty to be a contender. But because they feel (as I do) that the majority of the room won't recognize it, they think to themselves, "Why bother?"

I don't know the list of contestants. Maybe this finally changed this year. But my feeling based on past contests is that if we stay in the audience as cheering patrons, but never take front and center as a contestant, no one will ever respect our beauty as an equally long & wide panel on the skin color rainbow.

So what happened to make me stray from my using my body for activism and broadening NYC gay males view of beauty?...

I went to a nude cocktail party earlier that night. My plan was to go to the cocktail party, stay for a couple of hours, then leave it at about 11 pm in time to be in the contest at midnight. As 11 pm came around, I was having so much fun, I had a decision to make. Do I:
a) stop the fun I'm having, so I can go on a mission that I've done 3 times prior to broaden people's mind, which in turn might undo the good mood I was in, or;
b) allow myself to keep calm, and continue reveling in the fun I was having.

So mature wisdom at 44 made me choose (b). Because in a way, this situation was like the old saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". And my fun at that cocktail party was not broken, so why fix my fun going somewhere else. Why go elsewhere when where I was at that moment was all peaches and cream....Lots of "peaches" (pun intended). ;-)

For we all know that held in the light at just the right angle, a peach looks like a fuzzy butt....Hence why we bite into that part first.

With that said, I hope you accept my apologies and understand my decision.

Skivvies & Naked from April - May

If you're in NYC, there are 2 chances for you to see me LIVE

in my skivvies, or TOTALLY NAKED

this week.

First, here I'll be one of the models. Bringing much needed color to the underwear modeling world. A world that I am still boycotting by going commando most days, as I suggested in a previous post.

Next, as I joked last year, I am the "Susan Lucci" of this contest. For I have entered every year, and never won. Even with that as the case, I am still going for the title of Mr. Nude York.

Just because it's a long shot for a room of mostly White boys to praise the equal beauty of darker skin doesn't mean we men of medium to darker complexion should stay in the crowd merely as patrons voting White. For it tells the racists of that crowd that their narrow-minded view of the color of male beauty is correct when it's not. It also tell them that you don't see yourself as beautiful, so why should they, which is sad. Especially when we're in the multi-colored mecca of New York City.

So I hope to see you out and about with your support. Thank you.

Don't Tell Me Not

Don’t tell me not to talk about sex

All of you fuck, and my talk is not so much to boast

Dirty as my talk might sometimes be

It’s meant for you to learn the most

As we live in this repressive society

Where “sex” is such a dirty word

That even couples need an arbitrator

So that their desire of one another is heard

I also talk about sex to undo the brainwashing

That we for centuries have been told

Sexual roles based on gender, orientation, and ethnicity

Can finally be broken from their poisonous mold

To see a woman’s vagina is a cherished passage for passion

 The sexuality spectrum has more colors than initially figured

And a Black male has the smarts to be a man

And not imitate porn playing “gorilla nigger”

So don’t tell me not to talk about racism

Showing yourself to be a racially insensitive bitch

For you wouldn’t want me to tell you to be quiet

If the power dynamic suddenly switched

Where my black skin made me perceived most beautiful

And intellectually treated to be the superior

Meanwhile, no matter how smart and beautiful you are in the eyes of God

I say you’re shit on the sole of my shoe, and inferior

You were hoping I was one of those Blacks

Weak enough for you to guilt into silence

Calling me “another angry Black man” to dismiss me

…But that only justifies my verbal violence

The only reason my violence is verbal and not physical

Besides you talking computer bold, instead of face to face

Is due to my faith in the God to whom I pray

So this is the point you should be on your knees

For it’s because of Him you see another day

So don’t tell me not to talk about God

Showing yourself to be insecure and unsafe

For if I’m not force-feeding you about religion

Only one thing makes you want to silence talk of my faith

You want to bathe in your arrogance

Believing all you do and have is all thanks to you

Like your every breath, every accomplishment, and wish come true

Well, if there’s a Judgment Day, you’ll be shown the truth

So don’t tell me not to talk about matters

That are staring us all in the face

For your insensitivity and lack of compassion

Is making your every breath a disgrace

So when God a.k.a. Karma beats you down

Taking away a loved life, material wealth, or physical prowess

Though none of that will be wished upon you

I will not shed a single tear

For I will become a link in the chain of insensitivity that you birthed

So it finally becomes clear

That if you do not stop trying to silence my truths

You will have plenty of comeuppance to fear

"Fuck, I'm Sexy": Blacks ARE Good Enough, Part 2

Gay nightlife promoter Daniel Nardicio recently posted this status update on Facebook:

I know that it was not what Daniel had in mind, but this status made me think about how saying to oneself "Fuck, I'm sexy" is something every non-White, especially those of medium to dark complexion must tell themselves everyday. And it's not out of stereotypical gay narcissism. Instead, it is because the racism plaguing our community and society will make those of us with medium and dark complexions feel worthless if I we allow the sexual racism that's fueled by gay media, porn, and nightlife to get to us.

I have been combating the racism in the gay community for quite awhile. But it has not only been by way of this blog like some would think. I have also combated this racism by entering bar contests, and applying for go-go dancing gigs at places that I knew wouldn't entertain the idea of a 5' 6" fit (not gymrat) Black male. Fully aware that in spite of my better skills as a dancer (to the White/light guy they hire being a citizen of Rhythm-less Nation) and my interaction with the crowd, that the sexual racism of the crowd and ignorant promoters catering to it that I had a snowball's chance in hell of winning the contest, or getting the go-go gig. And if I got the gig, my professionalism wouldn't be asked back as often as a White boy's unprofessional haughtiness and self-indulgence while he's still on the clock.

Combating this sexual racism is also why I applied to be a model for Next Door Magazine in 2011. Every time I saw this magazine prior, it was full of White guys with so few Black guys, you could count them on one hand, and still have fingers left over. So imagine my surprise when interest in me, after approaching them at The Rainbow Book Fair that year led  to an actual photoshoot. Also, how issues since my layout in the magazine, there have been other Black models. Even one making the cover. That says to me that the response to my layout was positive enough that (at least for awhile) it inspired them to rethink their color scheme of models, and bring in more variety. Therefore, my actions were not for naught.

The racism in the gay community tells Whites that they're sexy even if they're not competent at what the sexy job entails, or they're built like malnourished walking sticks. Meanwhile, the racism in the community too often refuses to tell non-Whites that at all. The only non-Whites the Whites running gay entertainment give a pass to is a light-complexioned Latino, and maybe an Asian here and there. But that's all a tactic to avoid being called out for the racists that they are.

This racism tells us that we have to actually work to be recognized for our sexual and intellectual prowess, which while unfair, does in the long run gives us a better work ethic. This racism also tells us that we're only worth being made a fetish of. Not to be respected and taken seriously as sexually desirable entities for our looks and intellect. In fact, I have been looking in a mirror telling myself that I'm sexy ever since I applied for go-go dancing gigs that I knew venues were going to make some excuse to turn me down. And thinking back on that, the 2 main venues I put in for are no more - them being The Roxy and Urge Lounge. So good fuckin' riddance!

I have also had to tell myself "I'm sexy" every time I sat in front of my computer to apply for a porn studio. Knowing full well that whitewashed porn companies like Falcon, Raging Stallion, Hot House, Titan Media, Corbin Fisher, Sean Cody, Lucas Entertainment, etc. were going to give some excuse to insult my higher intellect, or give no reply at all. Which leaves me with the only choices being modern-day slavery porn studios also owned by Whites like Big City Video, FlavorWorks, Pitbull Productions, Real Urban Men, or Black-owned Chocolate Cream (B.C.) Productions - all of whom show Black males to not be sexual men, but gorilla niggers instead. So you know I'm enjoying the karma of how fucktard-run studios like Falcon, Raging Stallion, and Hot House, once individual powerhouse gay porn companies, are now getting their comeuppance by having to band together to save face and stay afloat. And ALL of the aforementioned companies and others are allowing their stuff to be downloaded on sites like FilesMonster.

This is why Karma is a bitch that I love, love, love, LOVE.

There are 3 types of people reading this blog post:
1) Those who don't go out, don't read gay media, and don't watch porn heavily because they know the ugliness I'm speaking of here to be true;
2) Those who actually do partake of gay media, porn, and/or nightlife, but do it in silence; and
3) Those who run sites and/or events that fuel the racism I speak of. So they're reading this is to see just how much on to them I really am.

And with #3, while they try being discreet, you can always tell when my telling the ugly truth of their ugly behavior has hurt them. For that's when the free entry into events stop. As well as the free drink tickets. Along with rigged contests. You see, they don't think I see this. But the fact is that while I was born at night, for their plan to go undiscovered, they're wishing I was born last night.

The racism fueled by White-dominated gay media, porn, and nightlife has done a lot of damage to the sexual image of Black males especially. And in the process the (way too many) weak-minded among us Blacks won't speak or act publicly in a way to combat this. For those racist White-owned entertainment outlets have made the weak minded of us Blacks feel guilty of having "Angry Black Man Syndrome". Yet truth be told, we have every fuckin' right to be angry! For it's misrepresentation of us as a whole.

Hence the reason I need to say all this. For while presently, my looks, lifestyle, and relationship status allows me to take the stand by entering these contests to show the variety in Black males as a sexual and intellectual power in the gay community, I know at some point, that will no longer be the case. One or more of the aforementioned factors allowing me to participate will at some point change to stop me. And since I seem to find myself always the only Black body and voice, that means no Black male is on the verge of taking my place as that body & voice by doing the action of participating. Which means Black gay males fearing Whites laying on the guilt will silence Blacks again. Thereby making all the progress I have made in getting our variety recognized as a power in a short time be back to square one. Then who will we have to blame for the dismissal of the variety of Blacks having just as much prowess as that of Whites? OURSELVES.

The problem is that based on the present display by Blacks, if and when that backwards slide happens, Blacks will never admit to it. For that damage by Whites to our image won't be undone by the present buying of their racist magazines and porn videos. It won't be undone by giving another Facebook "like" to another White model from their White saturated website. It won't be undone going to their parties catering to racism in multi-ethnic areas to tip their White/light go-go boys, AND never calling the racism out. It won't be done sitting in the audience cheering for a contestant when all of the contestants are White/light. Nor will it be done by hosting a contest where all of the contestants are White/light. For if you look at the history of beauty contests, the reason that host was chosen was because he/she has qualities that the producer feels makes that Black person unfit to be considered a contestants.So in a gay bar contest, if that Black guy is of a body type like the White/light contestants allowed to enter, then it's safe to say that the disqualifying factor by that party promoter was color.

In short, the fact that we Blacks are just as sexually desirable (by looks or intelligence) as Whites is not going to be put in the heads of those duped by gay media unless we demand a shot at the spotlight of being seen and/or heard. That is what I do and have done with every contest I've entered, every stint as a go-go boy at a mostly White bar or party, every porn studio I applied for who has rejected me with a bullshit excuse, and every website and blog I've submitted posts to, then called out later for their racism...So more Blacks need to step it up as a way to say,...

"Regardless as to whether you choose me or not, my Black skin is here in your bar, on your stage, in your contest, sending you an email, filling out your application, etc. to let you know that I know that I am sexy, smart, and therefore good enough to be here."

Using Modus Vivendi To Say "Black IS Beautiful": Blacks ARE Good Enough, Part 1

As some of you may know that I once wrote a blog post about a sex party I attended entitled "My Sex Drive at Hard Drive". Since then, I have gotten weekly updates on the party, including the changing of the name to Handsome NYC.

A couple of weeks ago, the weekly email told of a fashion show for the underwear/swimwear company Modus Vivendi was to take place at the party. The email also included a call for models. Due to the lack of medium to darker complexioned Black male underwear models, I was sure most Black guys' faith would be shaken. Therefore, not submit their names out of fear of rejection in being chosen. So I decided to throw my name in the hat as a way to say those racists, and Blacks doubting their beauty:

Modeling in a fashion show at a sex party might seem like an extreme means to make such a statement, but as a single, exhibitionist gay Black man, I had to go where the opportunity to make this much-needed statement presented itself. 

And it's sad that I had to use an event intended for fun to make such a statement, but it's times like these that make me call for the removal of many present powers-that-be in gay media. For it is them who put the idea in many people's head that "Black is not beautiful". A falsehood I have for years been battling.

Now, I'm sure there are some racists who saw me in the fashion show, and/or photos who followed the "fashion" world's lead by feeling my Black skin in the mix ruined everything. Especially with me being the FIRST to walk out on the runway.
Well, if that's their problem, then they need to get out of the color-filled melting pot that is America. For based on the comments and likes group photos like the one above have received, my presence proved that Black skin in the midst of light ruins nothing. And if they refuse to see that, then whatever age they are, they can't say about their so-called beauty what I can honestly say about mine. Which is:
 
I am a 43 year-old Black male who is in better mental and physical shape than many of the 20 and 30-somethings who turned up their noses at my presence in the fashion show, the photos, and this video. So all I care about their gripe is the undeniable fact that it proves my inner and outer beauty outdoes theirs.


So with that said, to all you envying haters, have a nice so-called life.

And to my friends and followers, THANK YOU, for your continued support. :-)

Read Part 2, "Fuck, I'm Sexy!" HERE.