Like You - See All Gays As Sexual Equals

There have been enough instances in which my medium to dark-complexioned self will see a white or light-skinned guy check me out, look like they want to talk to me, or just fuck and be my top, but never make a move. However, they have no problem approaching a white or light-skinned guy to become their top, or approach a medium to dark-skinned guy to be his bottom.

Another instance I have seen often is a white or light-skinned guy who claims to be completely versatile or a versatile bottom, and while he might seem to be open to playing with guys of various colors/ethnicities, his urge to top never seems to surface with medium to dark-complexioned males. Instead, his urge to top only happens with white and light-skinned males.

These are definite displays within sexual racism.

Sexual racism is not just saying, "I'm not into <insert color/ethnicity here>". It is also limiting a person of a certain color/ethnicity to being only one specific sexual role. Such as the porn-induced idea that if a medium to dark-complexioned black male is to have sex with a white or light-complexioned person, that medium to dark-skinned guy can only be a top.

Also, the idea says that black males within that hue must be aggressive in their topping. Aggressive in a way that to the sane eye borders on sexual brutality and rape. A style that is a sexualization of white guilt demanding punishment. So if it's in porn today, then that means the porn producers and directors are problematic creatures in the mix. And the performers regardless of color are also problematic. Prove every bit as to why I think of most porn actors as a past poem states, "Fuckable Body,..Unlovable Soul".

I know some are quick to say that there are more blacks bottoming in porn now. Yes, there are, but not many. Nor do they have a variety of looks like their white counterparts. And before I continue, take note:

The few porn scenes that you see of blacks bottoming would have never come to be if I didn't speak up about it during my time doing studio-based porn under the name "Tré Xavier", as I pointed out in an article on my "Calling Out Ass Holes" Tumblr . In short, there would be no them if there was no me. 

So I started needed conversations then, and I am starting needed conversations now.

While I did write that article and see the slight changes, it hasn't changed the overwhelming racist sexual expectations of many white and light-skinned males enough. Like most forms of racism, it is so indoctrinated into all of our minds that most people of every color don't realize they're exemplifying it. That includes the black males playing the roles of the overly aggressive.

In most possible sexual encounters, I am still expected to be a top to a white/light person. Never mind the fact that my bubbly ass makes me much more desirable as a bottom than my proportionate dick does as a top.

Still, white/light-complexioned guys, (even when they are over 6 feet tall) come to my 5'6" 145 -160 lbs. frame having me being their top be their initial ass-umption. Meanwhile, a white/light-skinned male with the same height and weight and front and back endowments is either negotiated with about their position, or immediately assumed to be a bottom.

If you have problems with the white guy being assumed to be a bottom, then you are missing the point. For the point is at least there is multiple choice of how a white/light-skinned guy is approached. I, as a medium to dark-skinned Black man, don't get that same multiple choice. In any case, it's a clear sign that there is some racial profiling about medium to dark-skinned black males with their sexuality, and it needs to be addressed.

Of course that needed talk won't happen when the ignorance of many white/light-skinned guys is so obvious around us. It is shown in them doing studio-based porn. It is shown in the porn they do to show on Twitter, Chaturbate, OnlyFans, and the like. And it is shown by those not doing any kind of porn at all.

If you think I'm wrong, and are ready to give the prostituting stereotypical gay porn actor a pass by saying that he was paid to do that, then explain his OnlyFans, JustForFans, 4MyFans, etc.! If a white/light-skinned guy does studio-based porn as well as porn on those fansites, you practically never see him top a medium to dark-complexioned male on those fansites. What is so telling of how brainwashed and racist they actually are is the fact that the purpose of those sites for them is to do things without the puppet strings of a studio-based porn producer and director. Yet, there they are. Still under the puppet strings. Being another white/light whimpy, wincing bottom over the black dick that has sold out to yet another white person's desire to fetishize them.

With that said, just because you're a white guy doing 1 or 2 scenes for NoirMale, your run back to your all-white world still exposes you are a racist. OR because you have signed up to be the latest token black male topping white boys for CockyBoys, you're still a sellout and part of this problem. Neither scenario (or one like it) exonerates any guy of any color as to how much they are another lump of feces floating around in a septic tank. Thereby further exasperating this problematic imagery.

And yes, as much as the gay porn industry tries to deny accountability for how we gay males see each other sexually, I still beg to differ and cite porn as both a teacher and indicator. Based on the facts I am presenting here, disgustingly more so, teacher.  

This is why when we speak of "not being into" a person of a certain ethnicity or color, we must ask ourselves if our feeling that way is naturally us as an individual, or if something outside of our nature influenced that definition of beauty. White entitlement and the spoiled brat mindset it enables causes many white males to refuse to do that pause and look within. Hence why they are the quickest to call their racism "preference".

And colorism being a branch of racism that makes the gay community like Pre-Civil Rights Movement America entices many light-skinned people of color to play along for acceptance.

Now, black males are by no means exonerated from blame in this problem. After all, the black porn actors (past and present) in such interracial scenes, and the black gays who heed to the call of such white/light males to play what I call the "gorilla nigger" are willing participants. I am proud to say that I am not one of those black guys. I have probably lost most of the white/light guys I've dated because of it. If so, their loss will one day be a real man's gain.

Hence the need for this poem. We are about to head into the year 2021. So by now we should all be seen more as equals in all ways, and that includes sexually. Yet we are not, and that need to stop TODAY.

I'm HIV+: No Bravery Applause Required

I always knew the day of me going public with my HIV+ status would come. My original plan was to come forward with it within in the pages of my autobiography that I have long been working on. But at the rate I’m going, scientist might actually find a cure by then, which would make not much need for the revelation. 

The thought to come forward with this revelation came when I got an invitation for Vladimir Rios’ exhibit of “I Still Remember” to be held at his gallery La Via Galerie in Livingston, NJ on World AIDS Day, December 1, 2018. I was one of the models in the photo narrative. The invitation also offered some guests to speak. Upon reading this, a conversation with myself started. It said: 

“NOW!” 

“’Now’ what?” 

“Now is when you’re going to publicly reveal that you’re HIV+” 

The idea of going public with my HIV status is not a new one for me. It is actually been a thought of mine for a long time. What might have caused a postponement was a potential playmate being a know-it-all.

He was someone I met at a condom-only party. We made out, I went down on him, giving him a mind-blowing blowjob, then we cuddled and chatted in the afterglow. During that conversation, I mentioned my day job and my being a sex educator via my blogging, which piqued his interest even more. We exchanged numbers to hook up one-on-one, then one night, we chatted via text. He said that outside that condom-only sex party that he liked to play raw, so he wanted to know my HIV status. I told him the truths of how 1)the joy of playing raw was mutual, and; 2)that my being positive, but undetectable. After disclosing my HIV status, I confided in him that I often considered going public with my HIV status.

Well, I have always said that my brain works like a both a male and a female's. Confiding in him with my thinking about coming out publicly with my HIV status was my female thinking, as females just tend to vent, and not necessarily seeking a solution. The male thinking is what this guy did. He considered my venting as an ask of "What should I do?", when even if I was seeking advice, the right thing to do was to recluse himself from giving it because he was in no position to offer a suggestion.

For he was HIV-. Therefore, he has no first-person experience as to what I have to consider by publicly coming out as HIV+. The most he may have ever done is watch someone else’s life from the outside looking in. And coming out as HIV+ is very much like the coming out as gay, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, etc. An outsider can demand that you be honest with yourself, but they cannot by any means so much as suggest when you tell such a truth about yourself to the outside world. Especially, if you’re a public persona on even the smallest level. 

Well, for the record, that hook-up outside of that party never happened. It was not because of his suggesting that I come out publicly. Although, it should have been the 1st sign of his being a know-it-all who talks too much as all know-it-alls do. It was about something else completely in which he unjustifiably showed himself to be a know-it-all. Therefore, an annoyance in the long run.

So while that might have caused me to postpone my coming out publicly with my HIV status, part of what definitely kept me quiet is that so many people have come out as HIV+. To the point that as I said in my speech at “I Still Remember”, saying you’re HIV+ is for me now just stating a matter of one’s being. Then I realized that while that may be the case, that too few of those faces of healthy HIV+ males in the media are those of Black men. Of course, they exist, but the biggest names in gay media still being the racist behemoths that they are still paint white and light complexioned males as the heroes of our society. Meanwhile, I have either heard tales and/or been eyewitness to some of these white/light faces partaking of the very same unhealthy practices that I speak against. So where are the many healthy Black males to disprove the negative stigma of what HIV looks like? And do so without the hypocrisy that the racism of many gay media outlets allow white/light males?

Too few on both counts. 

And I believe that is what incited that conversation with myself to make World AIDS Day 2018 be the day I publicly admitted to being HIV+.

So now that I have put the truth out there, I know I have incited many questions. Many questions about some things I've said in the past about safe sex, barebacking, HIV, and STIs. Well, let me warn you... we are talking about ME here. So while you may think you can surmise an answer, you will likely find you need to talk to me a little more for the correct and honest answer.

For that reason, I am open to emails, interviews, discussions as a moderator, guest speaker, or participant to expand on this. Plus, I am realizing that this revelation is an opportunity to expand on my knowledge I can share as a sex educator.

So let the expansion begin....

Sexy Party Review - High + Tight: The 2nd Coming

Sex parties to celebrate Gay Pride! Not at all a new concept. And not at all an unwarranted one. After all, one of the aspects of Gay Pride to be free to have sex with whichever gender you want without persecution.

With that however, comes a responsibility to each other. Such as not behaving in a way to make your fellow man feel less than. Especially, over a natural occurrence such as skin color. Well, it seems like the most white and light Latinos at High + Tight: The 2nd Coming didn't get that memo.

At first, I thought it was just me. For everyone who is often approached and flirted with has an off night, and vice versa. But I felt an ugly energy in the air there. The ugly energy of sexual racism. An ugly energy I forgot about feeling at the last High + Tight party because it was such awhile back. So this night  caused a flashback.

However, since I didn't want to be right about my criticism, because that was then, and this is now, I used the one tactic that would prove me right, even though I wanted to be proven wrong... I looked at other Black males in the room to see how they were fairing.

I disappointingly discovered they were also being rejected. To be more exact, Blacks and Asians there were about 95% of the time either treated like they were invisible, or they were used as ego-boosting strokers and fluffers, then discarded. But seldom did anyone have sex with a Black guy there.

Such a case was this skinny white guy with glasses. I kept feeling myself being watched. I turned around to see a husky Black guy giving a blowjob to this skinny white guy. The feeling of being watched was because the white guy was looking at me while getting his blowjob. Besides my being bothered by how I was being gawked at while they're getting a blowjob from someone else, Something still felt off. So I went closer to him. Once I got closer. He tried acting like I wasn't there. So it was all a ploy. He had a Black guy on his dick, and another Black guy he felt he drew in. So he was using us 2 Black guys to stroke his ego. This was something I saw among the patrons at High + Tight: The 2nd Coming A LOT!

While it's an ugly ploy, it is an understandable one from these creatures. As I said in a recent comment to an article on NewNowNext, many gay white males are incredibly insecure. Not a surprise when you're put on a man-made pedestal, especially a racist one. You make every other color feel "less than" so they won't contend with you always being in fear of falling off that pedestal. However, the white guilt of life on that pedestal makes those controlling media make us Blacks into sexual superheroes. This doesn't excuse or lessen the ugliness of using someone solely to stroke their ego out of some racist jealousy. So let's leave Karma to deal with them on that.

This idea of using someone of a certain color, ethnicity, and/or body type only as a stroker or fluffer, but not as a sexual prospect is an ugly common practice among those endorsed as epitomes of beauty by gay media, porn, and nightlife. That means white, light-skinned Latinos, and gymrat blacks. With the commonality of which color does it most often being in that order. Seeing many white guys do this is over and over and over again at NY Jock Party/GBU events is why I stopped going there. So if High + Tight promoters that get their shit together, they will be the next party I suggest being on my Miss List.

In short, such behavior at High & Tight shows its name should be changed to "Racist & White". Therefore, instead of it having a "2nd coming", it should have stayed gone.


Well, I'm glad to say that the next night I went to CumUnion. And based on my experience there...

CumUnion picked up where High + Tight fucked up!!!

For early on, unlike at High & Tight, I saw guys of all sizes and colors getting action at CumUnion. Sure, there were some who were still assholes. In fact, I saw a few guys from that High + Tight party at this CumUnion party. But overall, this crowd showed itself to have someone for everyone. And in a city as diverse as New York City, such a crowd shows that a promoter is doing their job. They're not catering to their little clonish clique with a Pre-Civil Right Movement color approval rating as to what is sexy. An attitude that was all too evident at High + Tight. Hence why I wrote this Facebook post that Saturday:


With that said, the promoters of High + Tight have a lot of work to do. For starters, being open-minded enough to learn and know that in a mecca of diversity like NYC, and at a diversity-inviting space The Cock has grown into, one should create a  party that is all inclusive. Not limiting your crowd to being only the porn clones and colors you want to fuck. If you want that party, keep it in the close-mindedness of your home, or the lacking diversity of your hometown, but...

NOT IN A PARTY SPACE IN MY CITY!!! Thank you.

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#sexparties #nycgaynightlife #instagay #gaynightlife #gaysexparties #nycgay #gaybar #racisminthegaycommunity #sexualracism #racism #colorfetish

A post shared by LeNair Xavier (@lxtreme1971) on Oct 20, 2018 at 2:23pm PDT

Breeding Black Armor By White Insecurity

People are the products of their environment. These environments have often programmed their proclaimed standards long before you met them. If those standards contradict your own, those signs of that environment might fade a bit in your presence. Unfortunately, like a computer, they often reboot in that person when they leave your presence.

So since most media, events, and the most-respected people in gay society do not teach inclusiveness, we have moments where some (mainly blacks) get overwhelmed feeling like the outsider. Even if they normally forge head-first into the situation as a means to combat it, like myself.

Such a situation has people wearing an armor, even if the event has us totally naked. And with that, there comes a point when that armor must come off. You can and should take the armor off yourself. Otherwise, it will fall off unexpectedly. Resulting in awkward, and sometimes dangerous situations.

I usually take the armor off myself. By either the event ending in time, or me removing myself from the situation. Recently at a party however, I didn't do the latter, and the armor fell off. Thereby creating, not a dangerous situation, but definitely an awkward one.

The host had no idea as to what caused my usually cool, calm, and collected self to suddenly bolt out the door. I later explained giving a much more condensed version of what I'm saying here now.

Many black males experience this, but will seldom (if ever) reveal it out loud. Meanwhile, those whites and light people of color whose selfishness refuse to discuss racism since they so massively benefit from it need to learn empathy and compassion.

At the aforementioned party, I was fine a t first. However, the smaller the crowd got the more I felt the energy making me "the black man in the room". Many black male party-goers feel this. Either drinking themselves into stoopers, or making themselves the main drug connection for whites, and getting high with those whites to avoid feeling the reality of being "the black man in the room". That's why I'm more prone to address it. I'm always sober enough to see it, feel it, therefore remember every detail to acknowledge our community's moments of progress, but too often lack thereof.

Like I said, this is something I, and every other black male feels at just about any gay event in this country. And the only way to avoid it is to exile ourselves further by attending all-black parties like the one I mentioned in a Facebook post I wrote about a Latino I played with at a CumUnion party. And as a born and raised New Yorker, therefore a born and raised American, I should not have to exile myself like I'm in Pre-Civil Rights Movement America when the year is 2017. Especially when the heads of gay media, party promoters, and porn producers further inciting this racism are transplants to this multi-colored and multi-ethnic mecca that is my home.

Any black male you meet telling you they know not of what I speak is in denial. Either that, or they're telling you a bold-face lie to cover the guilt racially insensitive whites and bougie people of color try laying on us. Calling us blacks who speak honestly on this matter, "angry black men" if we dare to bring this matter up.

The question created by these situations are:
Why are blacks and other darker people of color still being made to feel inferior, when they are not by any means?

Well, the answer is the same as it has been throughout American history. It's what brought forth slavery. It's what brought forth segregation. It's what brought forth gender inequality along with too many other forms of inequality... WHITE MALE INSECURITY.

This insecurity is born out of how it is very likely encoded in our DNA that when we are put on any kind of pedestal, we fear the day (and way) we fall off of it. And it is inevitable that we will fall off of it. For every thing man produces has mortality.

So a white male's time on a pedestal appearing as the epitome of sex, beauty, and intellect; light-complexioned people of various ethnicities given those same props because the whites running media consider them as "passing"; all of the aforementioned seeing a person of a darker color or certain ethnicity, and initially liking what they see, but turn their eyes away just as quickly because the programming kicks in to think of those people as "ugly"; and for all of them, youth being their ticket to climbing that segregated ladder...

ALL OF IT WILL DIE AT SOME POINT. Ageism dismissing older gays will start it on its way. As for its final resting place, maybe not in my lifetime, or yours, but these ways of life will die. And no matter how much of a bravado is put on by those benefiting from that racism, every one of those people are dreading the day their time of being seen as a stud, a muse, or a genius dies.

Worst part of it is that for generations, these gay males still have never realized, therefore ignored teaching the next generation that the more they play into that racism, the more they act entitled to its perceived benefits, the more it's going to hurt when it's time to come down. It's probably because each generation had and has an arrogance saying things like, "I like what I like just because" or worst, "It will never happen to me."

Well, don't we already see the signs that beg to differ? For you can't miss seeing in the bars and clubs, the lonely old white and light-complexioned males buying lapdances and "alone time" with go-go boys. And long before that and very much on-going, how older guys are the main clients for escorts/prostitutes. So basically, those younger gays doing these gigs, are doing so for their lonely future selves.

How much worst does it have to get for us to realize that this RACISM (sexual and otherwise) NEEDS TO STOP???!!! All of this makes it clear how actions like this racism in the gay community creates a chain of livelihoods that shouldn't even be called "livelihoods". For they are making our community put on a happy face when in all actuality, we are imploding.

Therefore, all of the aforementioned acts create a path that benefits no one.

Introducing X-Rayed Sex

In case you don't know, a few months ago, I did an interview for the Glam Award-winning Tumblr blog, Thotyssey. Now, as the blog's author Jim Silvestri tries branching out with the blog, he's allowing for a sex column, and I have thrown my name in the hat to be the column's author. In using that column to be an extension to the mission towards sexuality with this blog, I have titled the column,

"X-Rayed Sex".

My first topic for the column examines why in interracial relationships with a black male is the black male so often the top. Is there a perception to blame? If so, who or what gets the blame? Why won't we question this matter? Where does this ordained role for gay black males leave black bottoms? And who (regardless of color/ethnicity) wins in the end?

All of these questions will be answered in that post. So please, check it out:

Many Black Tops... So Many Non-Black Bottoms

Night of 1,000 Cock Colors

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Fuckable Body... Unlovable Soul

Fuckable Body... Unlovable Soul from LeNair Xavier on Vimeo.

How can anyone respect, like, or even love a gay pornstar when 95+% are either racist, gay-for-pay, or lowering their worth by having sex with the aforementioned? That's why I have never respected the likes of Conner Habib, but the racism of gay media does. That's why me and Victor Hoff when he was doing Men of Color blog had a disagreement over Devon Hunter.

Victor Hoff once interviewed Devon Hunter. In that interview, they talked about racism in the gay porn industry, and what Devon was slated to do next. Well, not the exact words, but Devon Hunter's replies could justifiably been paraphrased as saying:

"Yes, there's racism in the gay porn industry... Well, let me go rest up, and abstain from cumming so I can be ready to shoot that scene for Falcon."

Yes, in that same interview, Devon Hunter spoke against racism, but also announced working for one of the most racist of gay porn studios. So excuse me. But I can't be of a sane mind telling myself to respect Devon Hunter and others like him when they claim to acknowledge the racism in the gay porn industry, then either pull out their hard-ons to stick it in the ass of a racist or gay-for-pay bitch in denial, or bend over to take in their dick... All in the same breath.

I've avoided this topic for so long because it meant calling out some people who I thought very well of at one time. The most recent known name is Chris Harder. So imagine my disappointment when he made his porn debut by signing an exclusive contract with Cocky Boys, says he's attracted to men of color in his debut video, YET to this day, Cocky Boys has no models darker that light caramel brown. Then after that contract, he has scenes with other racist studios, having sex with white boy after white boy.

And I'm sure some of you who are loyal fans are ready to chime in on how he's working with NextDoorEbony, so I shouldn't be complaining. Actually, me and any racially sensitive non-black still should complain. For NextDoorEbony is a branch of NextDoorStudios made up during the Recession so NextDoorStudios could stay afloat by doing "something new" (for them)---fetishizing black guys. And those black models are never seen in scenes for NextDoorBuddies or any other site from NextDoorStudios, like NextDoorStudio's white and light Latino models. So before coming to Chris Harder's defense on this, consider all of that.

Now, Chris Harder is not the 1st to disappoint me like this. He is one of a loooong list. It's just as always, it takes that "one too many" to make me address an issue in much greater detail.

So this poem is my self-realization of how the man I thought Chris Harder was, the good associates and friends I thought I had when I was in the industry,... they are all people who do not exist. I also might have to admit that the goodness was never there. Whatever the case, at least I'm acknowledging it.

Well, to prove the saying of how every dark cloud has a silver lining, the reaction from the audience was GREAT!!!!