Friday, December 30, 2011

Tasting HOT Milk Again

I may have been banned from the sex at 30 Lexington Avenue, but while I'm still single, that hasn't stopped me from attending a good sex party. Especially one that I approve of enough to give its own category to. So much has been going on when I attend a Milk Chocolate NYC party, that as soon as I'm about to write a blog post about it, I go to another party with that gives me more to write. So I thought that I would write this post giving you the highlights of each of the recent parties I attended.

First off, it's been awhile since I had been to a Milk Chocolate NYC party. Between my important blog posts, podcast creating, and severing my ties with Dimitri, the space owner/host of Friday night sex party, Inferno (formerly Olympus, then Testosterone, but always secretly Raw Pork), I pulled away from sex parties and began having more fun privately. You see, sex parties are NOT a must for me to get laid. They're just a live playground for my exhibitionist side.

Week 1: On the 1st trip returning to the Milk Chocolate NYC party, I was getting undressed slowly because I was chatting with the host and the attendants. As I was getting down to my underwear, another patron walked in. The guy looked at me, as if he was checking me out, but I wasn't sure if that was the case. During his time checking in, I realized that this new arrival also knew the host well enough to hold a conversation. And during that conversation, he still occasionally glance over at me, just as he did when he first walked in. I stayed in the check-in area long enough to see him get undressed, and saw that he had a great ass. Having no idea if he was a top, bottom, or versatile, I didn't care. But if he was into me as I had suspected, be it his lips, tongue, dick, and/or ass, I wanted whatever piece of him he was willing to offer.

As soon as I went to the play area, I was approached. I got felt up, and groped. As I was in the midst of this, the new arrival from the front area came back there. I didn't take long for him to be approached either. It quickly became a group thing with the guys on me fooling with the guys on him, then we began making out with each other. So it turns out my suspicion of him being into me was right. While one hand was rubbing the head of the guy sucking my dick, I used my free hand to reach for the new arrival's plump ass. Which was a tough choice to make, because I wanted to fondle his dick, too. But being human, I only have 2 hands, so I had to make do. Eventually, as in most cases such as this, the group broke up, and we went our separate ways.

Later on, me and the new arrival ran into each other again. He knew that I wanted him. He then asked me if I wanted to fuck him. I told him I did. So we went over to the bed, and he laid on his back. Since I immediately positioned myself over him, he thought I was going to fuck him bareback. What he didn't realize was that when I go to sex parties, I bring my own condoms and lube packets and stuff them in my socks. So when he got on his back, he was glad to see one hand reach in my sock for lube, and then reach in the other sock for a condom. I put the condom on and put my hard cock in his tight ass, and started fucking him. I thrusted into him, and it got so passionate that I got closer and closer to his face with each thrust, then kissed him, then buried my head at his side and kissing his neck. And once I got that close, he held me tightly to him. As good as his tight hole felt, this didn't last long.

It didn't last long because of the reason I hate fucking missionary at sex parties. Unknown hands that too often prove to be unwanted hands interrupted us. At their initial touch, I just kept fucking, but once I got a glimpse of who some of these guys were, my dick went limp. So we had to call it quits...for now

After a few playmates later, we ran into each other again. He asked me if I wanted to try again. No doubt in my mind that I did. We went to one of the other beds, and he positioned himself to be fucked doggy-style. I still had a bit of exhaustion from my vigorous fucks with others in between, but I knew I was had enough in me to fuck him some more. But this time to the point of cumming. Then as I tried to enter him, I remembered something I wanted to do so badly that my subconscience made it distract me from keeping my hard-on ---- I wanted to eat his ass. Soon as I started tonguing his hole, my dick got rock hard. So I got back up and started fucking him again. He wanted to jerk off and come, so he got up and went over to the wall, with me still inside him the entire time. I continued fucking his ass and he my dick. Since the space was too small, the guys there couldn't see much of how his ass bounced as I banged into it from behind. So their consolation prize was to get turned on by the slapping sounds of my groin and his bubbly ass constantly colliding. Then he started moaning louder and louder. He was cumming. When he came, his sphincter tightened around my dick, and brought me that much closer to cumming as I was drawing close. So I pulled out, threw the condom into a small wastebasket just to the left of us, jerked off using some of the cum from his freshly creaming dick while kissing him and squeezing his ass, and then I shot my load into the wastebasket. My hand wreaked of jizz afterwards. And I loved the fact that I couldn't tell whose jizz I was smelling.

Afterwards, I finally got to ask him a question I wanted to ask him from the moment I heard him speak. Because of his accent, I asked him where he was from. It turns out he's from Romania. Hmmm, European and seeming to have much less of an aversion to chocolate than American Whites. ...Why was I not surprised? But happier than a pig in slop at the end result.

Week 2: So much happened upon my 2nd trip back since my hiatus. First off, I brought along an FWB of mine. He told me in a chat that the next time I go to a sex party to let him know, because he might want to go. So after the sexy turn out that I saw at my initial return, I felt that he might like this group.

What I wasn't aware of was that my FWB was more of a voyeur at sex parties, which is cool. Not all of us can be show-offs like myself. Hence why, with the exception of my groping his ass while giving him a blowjob at one point, no one got a show of what we've been like together where he fucks my ass so that I need to do Kegels in the shower, in the bed (if I stay over), and on the train ride home. But as it turned out, he did have his own fun. So much so that I never saw him leave. Maybe I was too busy with one of my other moments.

This is not one of the most joyful moments, but it does deserve to be noted as a highlight from the lesson to be learned. At the 1st party of my return, this one, and the next, I was a top. If my FWB wanted to fuck, I would have went back to bottoming in a split second. There was a Black guy there who wanted to top me. He was good-looking, but there was a problem. As I've said before, as a top, I am passionate and aggressive, but my bottom never feels like I'm raping them, which is what I see too many Black guys do, especially when they get hold of a non-Black person. And this Black guy was one of those guys who I witnessed fucking like he was raping his bottom. Later, he asked if I would bottom and I told him most likely not tonight. So when he said if I change to let him know, rather than go into this whole speech about my disapproval of what I saw of him, I just smile and said, "OK".

What I didn't count on was someone from my past showing up who I wanted to bottom for. As soon as this reunion top started to fuck my ass, the Black guy wanted in. I saw the 2 of them talking, while I had an idea, I wasn't sure about what. And if it was what I thought, I wasn't going to be happy about that reunion. Once the reunion top was done, the Black guy was trying to rush into my hole. At no point while bottoming for the reunion top did I acknowledge him there, so this was not at all cool with me. Maybe before showing up at the party, he should have read my Sex Party Etiquette post about this very thing.

After the party, the Black guy was a bit annoyed by how he never got to top me, citing race as the reason. Because you see, the reunion top was White. Truth be told, race was not the reason. Because if he was a White guy fucking his bottoms like that, I still wouldn't have wanted him topping me. Maybe it's what I said in "The Dirty Word Report" about the history of slavery being sexualized, but my observations have seen that overly aggressive brand of fucking to come more so from Blacks.

Also, as it turned out, that discussion between the two of them was actually just what I thought. They were discussing taking turns on me. The problem with this? ...IT'S MY BODY, SO WHEN THE FUCK WAS I GOING TO BE LET IN ON THIS "DISCUSSION". For when I bottom, I'm not one of those self-loathing bottoms who assume the position for any dick to slide on it, so much so that even with a condom, you should fear that the latex of a condom is going to melt on your dick. Because heaven only knows what corrosive combo that nasty bottom has crawling up in him for letting any old dick in. So for treating me as such, the reunion top has very likely had his last reunion fuck with me.

Again, not the best part of the night, but it had to be told as a reminder.

Back to the good stuff. All of the attendants at the Milk Chocolate NYC parties tend to be HOT. And before this last incident transpired, I did get to have fun with one attendant. I was sitting in the lounging area of the party taking a break when this cute guy with red briefs walked in. I almost ignored him, then I realized that he was the new attendant that I was eyeing when I walked in. So when he made his way to the back, I waited a few seconds, then decided my break was over. I found him in the 1st play area after the lounge area just sitting there. In the dim lights, we looked at each other. Nervous of whether or not he was interested, I slowly moved closer. Once I was standing next to him, he started groping me, and I started massaging his muscular shoulders. The more he groped me, the harder I became. And rather than let my dick be confined, I pulled the front of my underwear down and set it free. With this, he started sucking me off. He was actually very good at giving a blowjob. So between that and my hands massaging his beautiful head and body, my dick couldn't help but stay hard. But while I was enjoying the blowjob I was getting, my mouth was salivating to take in his cock and return the favor. So I once he took a slight pause on my cock, I went down on him and engulf his dick. Rubbing every part of his body that my hands could reach, from his ass, to his chest, to his back, to his thighs, to his calves while sucking his dick made me not want to suck him until his sprung his hot man-milk in either my mouth or on my body. However, we stopped before any of that happened, but at least I got the chance to play with like I had hoped from the second I laid eyes on him.

This isn't the 1st time that I've played with attendants at the Milk Chocolate NYC parties. In fact, I've bottomed for a couple. My most loyal readers might in fact remember how this time last year, the attendant I was fucking like rabbits with was Ty from "Sweet Reunions Over Milk Chocolate, Part 2".

Week 3: A tall, fit, hot bubble-butt Latino walked into the farthest and largest play area. When he walked in, he stopped and looked around right by these 2 guys sitting down talking to each other. They saw him the same time I did, and the way they were looking I was sure they were going to make a move right away, but neither of them did. The Latino then left and went to another play area. I though one or both of those 2 guys sitting would try going after him. Still, I tried pacing myself in trying to pursue him. So I waited about 20 seconds, and with neither of the 2 guys trying to go after him, I went to look for him. Evidently, the Latino didn't see anything he liked in the adjacent play area, because he was coming out of it as I was coming out of the farthest play area to look for him. We exchanged glances and "hellos", immediately started feeling on each other. Of course my hands went immediately to his juicy ass. He asked me if I wanted to play, and I'm sure you know my answer. So we went back into the farthest play area. He got on all-fours on the bed in the middle of the room, and I started fucking him from behind.

As I was fucking him, I could feel the eyes of  those 2 guys still sitting on the side burning a hole in my head. The fact that they were both closer to the Latino's body size than I was, I don't know if their stares were out of admiration or envy that my little frame was allowed to bang this big juicy ass that was a nice cushion to my groin with my every thrust. During the time after, I actually wound up fucking one of the guys that was sitting on the side watching.

Later on, I saw the Latino getting fucked in the adjacent play area that he had left when I 1st met him. He was again getting fucked doggy-style, this time on the sofa in that room. Someone was sitting next him, but suddenly left. I took this as a chance to get off on watching him get fucked from another angle besides the one I could see while I fucked him, so I sat in that spot. As soon as the Latino looked over and saw me, he reached for me to suck my dick and kiss me while this other guy was fucking him. Once that guy was done, the Latino then got up, and dressed up my cock, straddled me, and started riding me. I was not expecting this, and it happened so fast. But I don't begrudge that quick ride on my dick for 1 second. For at that moment, I was feeling that soft ass squeeze against my hands and thighs, with his uncut dick flopping against my stomach with each of his bounces.

So what adventures can be experienced at the New Year's Eve party I plan on attending? Well, if you have a fit enough body, maybe you should just send you pics & stats, then come see and experience some sexy adventures for yourself.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

LeNair....Trying To Be On Reality TV?

Last year, I was sent a tweet by MTV asking me to apply for a "True Life" episode about sex addiction. Finding it unwarranted, I turned it down.

Recently however, to even my own surprise, I threw my name into the hat to be cast in a reality-tv show. I'm not a big fan of reality-tv. With that being the case, I'm sure you're wondering why would I throw my name in hat then? Well, it's because considering what the casting call asked for, I feel I have a lot to offer in giving the producers of gay media and the American gay community a couple of much-needed new perspectives.

I'm not going to say what exactly the casting call was for. However, if some of you applied for it as well, then you'll know when I give a description of what the casting call asked for.

The casting call asked for gay guys who were young, sexy, and fabulous. If you didn't attend the open-call, it had a website with a long questionnaire, and it required you to include a YouTube link to, or upload a 5 - 7 minute video telling what makes you sexy and fabulous.

I had already completed and thoroughly answered the online questionnaire, but it was almost 2 weeks before I finally got around to making the required video. My procrastinating was over a combination of nervousness over saying the right words and my dreading the tedious task of editing the video after I record it.

This is the finished product:

The "right words" that I was so nervous about were the ones needed to entice the casting directors and producers to present those new perspectives that I mentioned earlier. Those perspectives are regarding race and age.

With race, while gay porn presents Black gay males as overcompensating uber-masculine muscled-up gym-rats, on television, they are often presented as just the opposite - extremely effeminate and flamboyant. Case in point, Logo TV's Black cast members of "RuPaul's Drag Race" and most recently, Phillip on "The A-List: Dallas". I see myself as that overlooked middle-ground that we see of White males, but practically never of Blacks. Hence why I seldom (if ever) relate to the gay Black males you find on television.

In regards to age, the casting said "young", but from the way I seem to sometimes wear out 20-somethings on the dancefloor and in bed, since there was no exact age range specified, I decided to make the "young" in the casting notice mean "young at heart". Besides, while I'm 40 now, look-wise, I can easily blend in with a cast of 20-somethings. After all, that's how I got into porn with most of my scene partners being younger than me anyway. Some almost 15 years younger, but playing in a scene with me as if we were each other's contemporaries. In bringing this point home, I purposely waited until the end of the video the reveal my exact age.

Now, anyone who watches reality-shows knows that drama is a must. And while I'm not a drama queen, there are facets of my personality that can cause drama. Such as my honesty and people's inability to handle that honesty. Trust me, I've dealt with people's inability to handle the truth enough over my (coming up on) 6 years of blogging. So seeing me take people to task to their face would be a sight to see. Which is probably why when I told some friends that I applied to be on a reality-tv show, they were excited without even knowing the slightest bit of the show's premise.

Another drama hotspot could come from casting someone who is presently a gay porn actor and/or escort. With the feelings I've expressed about the present state of the sex industry in posts like "Missing Porn" and most recently, "Giving THANKS To Porn & YOU", that could be another drama powder keg ready to explode, which seems to spells "gold" for most reality-show producers.

When I sent the YouTube link of the casting video to Victor Hoff of MOC Blog, he asked me if I was at all concerned about being cast as the "token Black guy". Truth be told, my answer to that is, NO. Because I'll take being the "token Black guy" if I know that by being my true self, my presence there can open people's minds about being Black, over 30, intelligent, and extremely well-maintained in the gay community without a gym membership and/or spa treatments. Thereby undoing much of the damage done thus far by so much gay media in regards to ethnicity and age.

So please wish  me the best in being chosen so I can make that much needed mark. Thank you.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Bullying - The Next Cry Wolf


“Some people want to die so they can be free”

That’s a line from the bridge of the Prince song, “Controversy”. The sad fact is many of our young people are taking that line quite literally by killing themselves as a way to escape the bullying that they endure today. And I will address the severity of this later. But for now, what I must address is how some, especially some gay activists and their followers lacking a sense of self by jumping on a bandwagon are overusing the word “bullying”.

A couple of weeks ago, someone on Facebook asked this question:
What would you tell yourself to make your 2011 easier if you could go back in time a year ago?

When I read this question, since I like questions that make you think, I took a moment and took stock of the past 12 months of my life. 
 And between working on my poetry series, “The Industry”, presenting the series in January, reading my poetry at the Rainbow Book Fair, invites to model at the Leslie/Lohman Erotic Drawing Studioappearing in the September issue of Next Door Magazine, and my interview with Swerv Magazine, these past 12 months have almost nothing I want to go back in time to make easier.

However, I must say “almost” because I then realized that there was something that I would go back in time if I could to make 2011 easier. It would be to not give the guy from my poem “Paying (Ends---My ‘Friend’) the time of day. And if you’ve heard or read the poem and its accompanying post, you understand why I feel that way. Hence why my answer to that question on Facebook was as follows:

Stop opening myself up to emotional cripples like "said person". Save my kindness and 2nd chances for someone who UNMISTAKABLY deserves it.

When I said “said person” the fact is not only did I write this guy’s name, but I also tagged it. And when I said before how I wouldn’t give him “the time of day”, I mean that in the most literal sense of the phrase. For me and this guy met at as volunteers at a sex party. During the party, we never spoke to each other. At the end of the party however, after we all got dressed and were preparing to leave, he asked if anyone had the time. Always wearing my watch, I was the one who answered. He was standing across the room from me, and walked over to me while saying “Thank you”, and came over and kissed me. And not just a peck on the cheek or lips, but a full-blown kiss with tongue. And from that night on, we tried making plans to get together to hang out. With me, like with too many guys before, putting in the most effort.

The guy who wrote that Facebook question was not happy with my reply. He deleted it, and sent me and email chastising me for doing a public bashing of someone on his wall. A bad judgment on my part that I accept responsibility for. The problem is he took too far by calling it a form of bullying.

In reply I said:
You're right. It was a public bashing. You are correct in that regard. So my apologies.

However, a public bashing does not always have to be construed as bullying. Especially when in this case, it's AN ADULT being held accountable for what they've done. But that is as you said my personal issue with this person. But it is NOT bullying. 

The word "bullying" is becoming so overused, especially by gay activists lately that it soon will become like crying wolf - where no one will pay attention to the cry of it when it's truly needed.

The beginning of his reply reads:
LeNair, I'm not going to get into a semantics war with you. Bullying is the word that I said, and it's the word that I meant.

Now, I have reached a point in my maturity where once I make my correct response to a situation, if what you have to say doesn’t embrace that, you will find your long-windedness ignored. Hence why I never read beyond those 2 sentences of the long-winded yammering paragraph that those 2 sentences come from.  Because I already took responsibility for how I handled the situation wrong.  But I’ll be damned if I’m going to tolerate some weak-minded rider of the gay activist bandwagon bordering on burning another bridge by shaking his “Mommy” finger at me. Because I am not dumb enough to be his spouse, or unfortunate enough to be his child, so I am under no obligation to listen to his bullshit accusation of bullying like too many gay activists are now quick to do when you take the slightest verbal swipe at an adult.

For that is one of the ways that the word “bullying” is losing it validity to the point that is becoming the next cry “wolf”. Another way is because gay activists have now tried to shall we say “corner the market” on being bullied. Thereby being the stereotypical gay narcissist ignoring the larger world of misunderstood youth, be they nerds, acne-sufferers, straight, gay, bi, Black, White, Asian, Indian, rich, poor etc. who needs supports. You need to can your hissy fit when I hold an adult responsible for their misbehavior towards me. Because there is a very distinct difference.

Sadly, an accusation of bullying being on the edge of a gay person’s tongue has now become almost as common as the mouth’s natural production of saliva. The problem is that when it becomes that constant, the accusation can all too often be proven false. Such as in the case I’m talking about now where I can easily prove how I’m being chastised when there are others who really need it a hell of a lot more than me.

Now, this person said in his last response to me that he didn’t want to get into a semantics war with me. Well, my response to him is simple:

If you don’t want to get into a war over semantics, then I suggest you put a lid on your dramatics.

For there are people out there who really are being bullied. Many of them young and failed by parents who are so caught up in their careers that they’re not there for their children and/or school systems that have their hands tied in dealing with the situation. But both act like the most loving after a child has killed him/herself over the torment he/she has endured.

This person accusing me of bullying that guy, needs to learn some individuality, therefore stop jumping on the gay activists bandwagon, and get his facts straight on what bullying is. For I have an equation for him and everyone else in doubt of what defines as an act of bullying. The equation is as follows:

Overcompensating Coward + Victim = Bullying

I’ll say it again: Overcompensating Coward + Victim = Bullying

Now, anyone who knows me knows that equation doesn’t work for this, or any situation that I’m involved in. Because while that guy likes to play victim, hence one of the things that made us part ways, especially for some dimwit females’ sympathy, I however am by no means an overcompensating coward. For whatever I say on this blog, I have no problem re-iterating it to the face of the person I’m talking about should I have to. And furthermore, that guy from “Paying (Ends---My’Friend’)” knows that I have no problem saying to his face what I’ve said here, or in the post and poem.  For some of this has been said to him already. And what I didn’t get to say to him already didn’t get said to his face because I know his cowardice wouldn’t allow it to be said to his face by me. Instead, he would leave me to resort to his cowardice mode of communication, texting. OR it will just fester within me, so I wind up using any mode presented to me to vent my annoyance of his existence. Which is a natural reaction. The mistake I and others must not make is to vent that rightful annoyance in an improper place. But even if you vent it in the wrong space, it is not the unnatural action of bullying. It is instead just plain rudeness, and I have already owned up to that lapse in my judgment. In any case, as with any equation, if one part of the equation is non-existent, then it’s not the answer you’re looking for. Therefore, since I’m not an overcompensating coward, no bullying took place.

The existence of the guy I wrote the comment about made himself the dark disappointing, worthless cloud within those past 12 months of my life. Worthless to the point that if I could go back in time, and not give him the time of day, like I did the night we met, I seriously doubt it would trigger a butterfly effect. It’s sad and may seem cruel to say, but it is without a doubt TRUE.

But with the things that lead me to that sad true statement, my question to the person who accused me of bullying is this:

Were you the one being spoken to in a rude tone on the phone, because this guy was hanging out at a bar on the verge of getting wasted again?
Were you the one repeatedly getting apologized to and accepting that overload of apologies the day after this alcoholic’s tirade?
Were you the one who was asked to put the integrity of your blog on the line after this guy once again in a drunken state being the alcoholic that he was, got up in a bouncer’s face yelling “Ha” for defending a friend of his who may or may not have in the past done something out of line while in a drunken state just like this guy has done with me?

With the answers to ALL of these questions being “No”, the person who accused me of bullying is making himself into nothing more than a follower of the moronic gay activists overusing the word “bullying”. Thereby showing himself to be a bigger fool by joining those foolish activists in crying “wolf”. Because as I’ve said before, the follower of a fool is a bigger fool than the original.

While I won’t reveal who the person is that accused me of bullying, I will say that he is involved with the porn industry. And isn’t it funny how the last person to jump on that bandwagon of falsely accusing people me of bullying also deals heavily with people in the porn industry.

I’m well aware that most industries nowadays don’t make an effort to hold anyone accountable when something goes wrong, but the porn industry has made it their means of existence to not hold people accountable.

Case in point being the very recent story swirling around gay porn over gay-for-pay porn actor Spencer Fox dogging gays and the gay porn industry. Being the bitches in denial that gay-for-pay porn actors are, this is common behavior from them in some degree. But do you think the people like Chi Chi LaRue, Chris Steele of Jet Set Men, or Michael Lucas (just to name a few directors)  who hire gay-for-pay porn actors without batting an eye take responsibility for creating these obvious self-loathing monsters? OR do the gay porn bloggers who big up the gay-for-pay porn actors’ image by writing about them take responsibility for their part in this creation of a monster by way of a hideous soul?

The answer to both questions is a deafening and echoing “NO!”

Because that’s what people in many industries, especially the porn industry tend to do. It‘s the reason why so many have some degree of chemical dependency. For they’re trying to escape the guilt of the wrong they do, that no one is adult enough to hold them responsible for.

The reason I brought this up is because both of those industry people falsely accusing me of bullying did so because I was holding a person responsible for what they did. A public bashing is not always bullying. Especially in regards to the guy I wrote “Paying (Ends---My ‘Friend’)” about, based on all I went through with him, including what I haven’t told you, was a public bashing provoked and justified? ABSOLUTELY, especially from an artist’s perspective since venting through your art form is your therapy. But to do that therapy on the Facebook wall of a complete outsider to the situation, like the person who recently accused me of bullying? While this person’s question provoked the public bashing, being that he’s an outsider to the situation, it was not justified. But that still doesn’t make it bullying. Because remember my equation:

Overcompensating Coward + Victim = Bullying

But based on this accuser’s way of thinking, my calling him out for his false accusation is me bullying him. BULLSHIT!

Because  if I wanted to go that route, the bullying to report is from those 2 accusers as the overcompensating cowards. Because the reason they are pointing their fingers at me is because put in the same situation, they’re too cowardly to hold the person accountable. They’re going to do like most, and leave the obnoxious wrong-doer off without being called out on what they’ve done. After all, the accuser who provoked this post was one of the inspirations for my post from 3 ½ years ago, “Shhhh….It’s A Small Community” for he said that since the porn community is small, people don’t name names….What the FUCK does the size of a community have to do with whether or not someone deserves to be called out?! Not a damn thing. It’s mindsets like this that give just fuel to the negative stigma of how the porn community and its closest associates are dysfunctional.

Now if this guy I made a comment about was to off himself because of his guilt over how he was the ugly spot of my year, well that would be on him. And I really don’t give a damn. Because if you don’t want to feel guilt, then don’t do wrong. But my holding him accountable for being that ugly spot is not bullying.

However, there are people out there who really are being bullied. Have done nothing wrong to deserve it, but be themselves regardless of their orientation, color, economic background, religion, whatever. And they need to know that they’re loved.

As you can see, I am sympathetic to those affected by bullying. Because I was bullied myself as a child. Hence why I am able to come up with that equation for bullying. Because back then, those kids were overcompensating ghetto trash cowards, and I was their victim. But the time came when I had to grow up, and stop being a victim, and bring myself to being only a target. For I’ve had instances in my adult life where I could have played the victim to someone trying to bully me. Such as the conflict at my poetry reading back in January with Diesel Washington. I could have easily played the victim to his bully-like behavior. In fact, I dont’ even recall using the word “bullying” in telling of that incident. It’s because I didn’t play victim to his overcompensating cowardice that he’s used to from White boys who cowering down to him because of their White guilt, and being intimidated by his size. Instead, I fought back by talking back. And that’s what a lot of gays need to start doing now. STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM!!! So that this overuse of the word “bullying” comes to a much needed end.

Now contrary to what gay activists want to make you believe, bullying is NOT just a gay problem. Nor is it just a child’s problem. For some adults, bullies are bosses, with their subordinates as the victims in the equation. Such as one of the reasons I’m sure they were glad to get rid of me at the law firm I was working at was because I wouldn’t allow myself to be a victim, whether it was a co-worker, a partner in the firm, or someone in administration. And for others, bullies are stalkers. But in all these situations, one can either be just a target or a victim. And which one we become depends on (1)the REaction of the bully’s target AND (2)the powers that be doing their part to remedy the situation. To clarify, a bully’s target can stay being only a target by taking a stand on his/her own and/or reporting the bully to the proper authorities. However, the target becomes a victim by him/her and/or the proper authorities doing nothing.

The bottom line is the fact that bullying is a very real problem. It has been going on since the dawn of mankind. But as time and technology has changed, new methods have arose. And with those new methods, we must remember the basic principle of bullying that will stand until the end of time as to what should be defined as “bullying.” Don’t go pulling new principles out of your ass to define “bullying” for the sake of pandering to a cause.

While some who have been bullied take the weakness route and become bullies themselves, others who have been bullied like myself, use that adversity to make themselves stronger inside than we would have been had we not been bullied. So it’s another case of how every dark cloud has a silver lining.

So to all those struggling, may you find the light at the end of the tunnel. For you will, just as I have. All you have to do is follow my motto, ---- Keep Being U2B. FREE.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Color To Color, Learn From One Another

As said at the end of my post and podcast, "The Dirty Word Report", I attended MACT/NY's November 18th meeting discussing the topic, "What Have Our Relationships Taught Us About Racism". I got to the 2-hour discussion when it had about 1 1/4 hour left.

Once the chance arrived for me to jump in, I made a point that I have long noticed about interracial relationships. I said that the only way interracial relationships can work is if BOTH parties take note of what the other goes through. For while many think that the hardships one must understand are those of people of color, the fact is that even in this day and age, there are Whites and others of light-complexion who endure losing jobs, promotions, so-called friends, and being disowned by family all because of their interracial relationships. And not just in the gay community, but in the straight community as well. So while a person of color expects the White or light-complexion partner to understand their situation, the person of color must be compassionate as well, in regards to what his/her White or light-complexioned partner has sacrificed to be in said relationship.

I don't know anyone personally who has experienced this. However, once you take into account how much other behavior that should be considered pre-Civil Rights Movement displays of racism are taking place in 2011, it becomes not too far-fetched an idea that such a thing is practiced today.

At the meeting I moderated, "Saying The Dirty Word....LIVE!", I don't recall having any moments of feeling hot under the collar. However, at this meeting, I did have a couple of those heated moments where I had to fight myself in order to maintain my composure.

One of those instances was when a light-complexioned mixed attendee told the other Black attendee that what the Black attendee perceives as racism might be because of the vibe he gives off that makes people react in a way that can be perceived as racist. This might be true for this Black person, and some other people of color. However, I personally took issue with this statement.

For I myself have been told that it's the vibe I give off. The guy I smacked for calling me "ghetto nigger" in "Sex, Then Violence Resurrection" is the one who immediately came to mind. With that flashback, plus knowing how I have always lived my life, I became immediately irate. So I responded by telling him of my anti-social past, and being aware of the existence of racism, but never coming so face-to-face with racism until going out with a mutli-ethinic group of friends and seeing how quiet and void of hip-hop attire and attitude I was, yet finding myself treated dismissively and/or cautiously. Or how I would go into auditions for roles that were not race-specific, and the people in the room gave off an energy to me that let me know I wasn't getting the part. Not because I was bad, because I hadn't spoken a single line yet. But because I was Black. Or porn studios like Falcon and Raging Stallion telling me that they'll call me for a part when I'm a good fit, yet repeatedly see a White or light-complexioned Latino version of myself in their trailers. Hence why I am justified with no regrets over my comment that was printed in The Advocate to their article, "Porn Panic". So in all of these instances, the supposed chip on my shoulders comes as a retaliation to the chip on those people's shoulders about my color.

I know this attendee meant no harm by what he said. But the trigger for me was the fact that I know that White culture, mainly White American culture teaches a "Blame the victim" mentality when it comes to racism to absolve themselves of any guilt for their sins and/or those of their ancestors. And too many of light-complexion tend to follow because of the upper-hand their light-complexion gives them. Though I don't like to use the word "victim", because I'm surviving and growing stronger with every passing day, so I'm not a "victim". I just used the word "victim" to make my point here easier to understand. The true word I want to use is "target". So the phrase I'm looking for is "Blame the target".

The other thing that bothered me was when the other Black attendee said that there were 4 classes of Blacks - lower class, lower middle-class, upper-middle class, and the rich, (which some racist Blacks without knowing that person's story refer to as "bougie"). I immediately corrected this attendee on how those 4 classes exists for every ethnicity in this country. Such as for Whites, the poor among them are referred to as "white trash" or "trailer trash". I'm not sure what the names are for other ethnicities like Latinos, Asians, and Middle Easterners, but I'm sure you see my point as to how there is a name for them all. It's not just a Black thing.

What annoyed me was after making this correction, he said that he was talking about it from a Black perspective because that is what he knows. This put me on the edge of exploding. For did I not say that the first thing out of my mouth when I arrived to the meeting was in but so many words how you must see things from the other's perspective if unions between one another are to work?! You can't communicate talking from your ethnicity's prospective alone. You have to see all sides of the situation, and address all sides of the situation.

No matter what color, ethnicity, or how light or dark you are, in the end, besides being so far from a man that you cater to peer pressure of racist "friends", what is keeping us from the interracial relationships many of us want to have is the stereotypical gay male narcissism and laziness to think. Narcissism and laziness that makes one feel that dealing with someone of a different color or ethnicity, and addressing the racism they must endure is too much work for their world all about "Me! Me! Me!" So instead, they settle for someone who shares their color, ethnicity, but most of all ----their damaging silence on the matter.

It is for this reason that I am at times so cold to some of the older White and light-complexioned males who try hitting on me at a bar or club. It's because I feel this story of love lost by way of not giving an understanding ear may very well be their story. And now, after they've lost their youthful beauty, they proposition me as a way of singing their regret song of "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda".

But while my Christian upbringing makes me a forgiving person, my rejection of them is me singing my song of "Too Little, Too Late".

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