Saturday, February 13, 2010

Sex Party Etiquette: No Lying Hosts, No Bigoted Patrons

As I said yesterday in "Write That Down #12", I am considering starting my own sex party. As my most loyal readers know, I have went to quite a few. So it stands to reason that I have been able to take note of what works, and what doesn't in keeping regulars and making new people come in and want to become regulars as well.

I feel some new blood is needed desperately in the sex party scene here in New York, because if you live here or have visited here, you must admit to the fact that the sex party scene here in NYC SUCKS! And not in a good way. I must also add that while many people would be quick to blame the party host, it is in some cases the party-goers who are at fault.

One thing I have seen that causes me to consider becoming a new needed presence on the sex party scene here are hosts being so money hungry that they claim many hot in-shape guys will be in attendance, when there are a lot of guys in attendance, BUT ----only a handful are in-shape. And even that handful leave almost as quickly as they show up, because they see the false advertising as well. Sure the action starts early at parties run this way. But who is the action started by? ---- Out-of-shape trolls, so of course sex is going to happen early because trolls will take almost anyone there who is willing to give it up. Also, based on the advertisement they should not have been invited to that kind of party in the 1st place. Instead, they should have looked for a party with a more open-door policy.

Now this may seem cruel, especially if you are one of those out-of-shape people, but the fact is, if you didn't take care of your body, why should I or any of the fit patrons want to see you fuck, OR want to fuck you ourselves? It makes me feel the need to ask the same question a friend told me someone imagined asking some of these out-of-shape people at a sex party. That question being, "WOULD YOU FUCK YOU?!"

I wonder when will these hosts realize that it is a bad idea to promise in-shape men, yet letting there be a combo of out-of-shape guys and hot guys with the out-of-shape guys outnumbering the hot guys by a great percentage. Don't they know that this may start off making a good deal of money, but will eventually result in a quick nose dive in numbers of attendees due to their false advertising thanks to word-of-mouth?

I mentioned earlier how the out-of-shape guys get the action started almost as soon as they walk into the play area. My screening process would make sure that the hot guys I invite would do the same, and not treat my sex party like it's a lounge party. This is a matter I've addressed in a past blog entry. This is another flaw that stems from party-goers here where they stand around being so full of themselves that they wait for the other guy to make the 1st move, even when it comes to eye contact. That winds up making the action take forever and a day to get started. I want guests who won't sit around, and chat about the things you should have come to the party to get away from giving a thought to. Nor or they to point and giggle like little school girls when others are man enough to suck and fuck like they are supposed to at a sex party, just as I've seen many a stereotypical fag do at sex parties catering to the "hot and in-shape". If I make a party, I plan to cater to hot and in-shape guys, too, but I'll be screening to lock my party door to chatterbox Chelsea queens.

Another flaw is the same one I mentioned in "Write That Down #12", and is also a flaw of the party-goer persnality (or lack thereof). I've seen the practice of people sticking to "their own" so much that not only did it inspire yesterday's post, but it inspired me to send an email to a party host as to why I wouldn't help him promote his party as I had originally said I would. For this reason, I think party-host should do better screening of who they put on their guestlist, where if a potential party-goer dares to say that a person of a certain ethnicity is excluded from playing with him, then that potential part-goer should be banned from attending. For I feel segregated behavior should be a private party where no money changes hands, making that the punishment for practicing segregation in the 21st century.

Now, I  know that creating a party that press such rules upon my guests and myself as host could make for a small turn-out. At least I would have the satisfaction of knowing that I created an atmosphere that was more free of racism than any other in this city than I've ever experienced thus far, and more full of the hot guys ready-for-action that I would promise. Because for me, it is quality over quantity.

However, quantity would have some say as to whether or not my ideas would work out for a short or long term basis. With that in mind, some may ask, what happens if my idea doesn't work out? My answer is simple. Like my life in porn, it's just a sex party, so if the people don't take the great quality ideas I have to offer ----then just like the slumming they are doing now with the bigoted and lying actors, producers, and directors in gay porn, they can continue that slumming with bigoted patrons and lying hosts that they are presently dealing with for sex parties. In short, I will move on to invest my time in something worthy of my insightful attention.

Have hearing the lack of ideas like mine being implemented the reason why those of you who would like to attend a sex party don't even bother? If I start a party with those ideas in mind, would that make you more ways than one?

Let me know what you think. And if I don't do it, maybe someone else will read this, and at long last bring these great ideas to fruition for your pleasure.


  1. Yes, putting that type of party together would take alot of work and challenging. This post contradicts itself though man. You are complaining about fit guys having preference for there own race saying they shouldn't yet you are showing preference for fit guys only excluding the trolls. If a person is going to show preference for size aren't they naturally going to show preference for other things. We have sex with people we feel comfortable with and who are similar to us. I just don't know if that will change, not until everyone is brown.

  2. Ricky,

    This post DOES NOT contradict itself. You are making the BIG mistake of clumping all preference together.

    For one, your comment makes it appear that unfit people have no preference, which since they are human, they do.
    Second, ostracizing someone over race is wrong because our skin color and ethnicity is something that is beyond our control. However, whether or not you are in-shape IS within your control. Therefore, I have every right to consider one's lack of self-discipline shown by their out-of-shape body unattractive.

  3. P.S. Ricky,

    I must add that your saying we have sex with people we feel comfortable with and are similar to us is playing into the stereotypical narcissism gay men are known for. I, for one, while I do have sex with people I feel comfortable with, my comfort is NOT based on race, and totally on size. I'm not husky, but I have had sex with in-shape husky men in my time. And the reason I had sex with them is because they were similar to me ---- in their mindset. Your comment shows that your defintion of "similar" is speaking in the vein of outer similarities, and while I'm talking about inner similarities.

  4. Tre

    I read your post with great interest. I rarely agree with your sentiments but appreciate your desire to make your experiences known. Would you mind sharing with your readers your education?


  5. Steve Zemlin,

    My education is LIFE. I have talked of my textbook educational background in the past, and I am not going to repeat it here for it has no bearing on the validity of my points ON THIS TOPIC. My education through life experiences however do.

    If you are going to comment, the rule for my blog is STICK TO THE TOPIC. All other questions can be sent to me by email.

    Now, while I appreciate your readership, I must say that if you disagree with most of what I say, then you must be a glutton for punishment.
    I am an insightful individual who leads a life where I am quite at peace with myself, because of that insightfulness. I'm not saying you should agree with all of those insights, but if you disagree with MOST of them, I must ask you - Do you claim to be at peace with your life? And if you do make that claim, IS IT REAL?
    I doubt you can honestly answer "yes", because if you could, you wouldn't keep coming back to read more points that you claim to disagree with.

  6. Hey Tre

    I regret that you took my statement about "disagreeing" with you as some type of challenge. I believe that I can disagree with some of your views and still be a fan of your blog. Further, I don't quite understand why disagreeing with some of what you say on your blog makes me a "glutton for punishment?" Personally, I strive to keep an open mind, be objective and to question some of my beliefs through the expressions of others. That's one of the ways that I learn and grow.

    And, yes, I consider myself to be at great peace. Yet, I maintain that peace is a process -- at least for me. I have life struggles just like everyone else but, but I have a good life. I'm thankful to have a rewarding job, I'm healthy, I'm in a fairly new relationship, I have a small circle of very good friends and I have a great family. Could things be better for me? Yes, but I'm feeling good.


  7. Steve,

    I'm VERY picky about the words I use, and I look VERY carefully when they come from others. In your original comment, you did not say that you disagree with some of my sentiments - that would not make you a glutton for punishment. The word you used was most, and that is why I called you a glutton for punishment.

    For I also believe that hearing some viewpoints differing from my own on certain matters is how I learn and grow, (for me) if the disagreement becomes constant, me and that person must part ways, be it in the real world or cyberspace. Such is the reason I don't read Perez Hilton - the fact that he outs gays makes him a worthless existence. Such is the reason I have decided not to read Michael Lucas' blog, for I've discovered him to be a double-talker. What I learn from the likes of those two is to not be like them, because no matter how much money they amass, their souls are not worth a damn because of the standard they have that make them behave that way to others. And I don't have to put myself through the constant aggravation of reading their blogs after learning that fact in order to learn and grow from it.

    So I said this to re-iterate my previous point. If it really is that you disagree with MOST of my sentiments, instead of some, then you must be looking to adopt the insights that I am giving in some kind of way. And I'm not patting myself on the back here (then again, maybe my Aries arrogance is subconsciously), I'm just stating my observation of what your behavior can easily imply. Thank you.

  8. Tre

    I hope this is not a game of "tit for tat." Some/most are degrees, not absolutes. Maybe I should have cosen a better term? Sometimes, often, occasionally, from time to time...

    Is it not good enough that I read your blog and find it intetesting? Do you believe that a reader that chooses to make a comment or ask a simple question has an agenda?

    I can't say that I'm looking to adopt some of your insights nor do I believe anything I have said gives you insight to my behavior. Your blog just happens to be one of a few that I follow and find interesting.

  9. Steven,

    This is not "tit for tat". Yopu came to my blog and made a comment, and I am responding accordingly. And there is a difference between the words "some" and "most".

    I am quite flattered that you find my blog interesting. And I believe that part of the reason you find it interesting is because I go over every entry making sure that I put the correct emphasis on the right words so that there is no misunderstanding of my point of view. In fact, most misunderstandings stem from a point that I already made, but a reader overlooked.

    To answer your question, I have had many comments here where people asking a question or making a comment have an agenda. And most of those comment and questions come from people going off topic. Therefore, because you went so far off the topic, you set off a red flag for me.

    And lastly, I do believe that everything you and I say, wherever we say it gives people some insight on our behavior. Hence the reason WE ALL must watch what we say and how we say it, so that we can get the kind of response we are looking for.


I HIGHLY respect those willing to stand behind their comments with a name. So if you use "Anonymous" on a viewpoint that challenges mine, IT WILL BE DELETED. For your cowardice to not show yourself makes your viewpoint and you irrelevant.

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