Friday, October 24, 2008

Single By The Curse Of Culture

When I tell people that I'm single, people often ask me, "You're so cute, why are you single?".

Well, to be honest what ever degree of cute I may be should not dictate as to whether I'm single or not. ANYONE being in a relationship should be dictated by finding someone who they feel is worthy of their heart, mind, body, and soul. And I have yet to find that special someone yet, and I'm not forcing it. So you may be asking with some many people out there, what could be stopping me from finding a special someone.

Simple answer.

What's stopping me from finding that special someone is the fact that no one so far is man enough to show some individuality by not being so loyal to the rules of some culture that they take on the negative traits from that culture as well.

This should not come as a surprise. I have often said that I don't like stereotypical people. And why would I when I myself am not a stereotypical Black man? After all for starters, I do talk proper English.

There are many rules within certain cultures that are positive, and some are negative. Whether that culture be based on ethnicity, regional origin, religion, sexuality, etc., we have to show the individuality it takes to separate the positive and the negatives of that culture. My single status is due to the fact, that while I try to live by that rule, few males do the same, thereby making themselves overgrown little boys unworthy of sharing in what my heart, mind, body, and soul have to offer. I am by no means claiming to be perfect, but I'm sure most of my flaws are based on my distinct personality traits, instead of cultural traits as practically all the guys from my past.

A perfect example of this can be shown by my revisiting a name you loyal readers haven't heard from me in awhile - Igor. While being originally from Russia claiming he was (as I am still) disappointed with American gay culture, he adopted so many of the negative stereotypical traits of American gay culture (such as the shallowness) that he not only made himself unfit to be my lover as I was originally hoping for with him, but he adopted those negatives to the extent that he made himself become deemed unfit by me to be even just a friend. You see, I could except flawed judgement to an extent, because while I said that I'm not perfect, I accept that in others as well, but some imperfections just go too far for my tolerance.

This may ruffle some feathers, but iof the many cultures I can use as example, I'll use the most common - Black and White. Black culture, which nowadays is more and more being dominated by hip-hop culture therefore has rules that are based too much on street-smarts for my taste. Because besides the improper English, it is also stereotyped with homophobia and disrespect towards women in general by constant use of the word, "bitch". While White culture is based too much on book-smarts for my taste. You have no idea how much I hate the stereotypical White terminology, "I'm educated", because most (if not all) of the people who I've known to make that claim have traded book-sense for common sense. Trust me on this, I see this everyday at the law firm I work at where me and my co-workers get asked the most simple-minded questions that just a little use of common sense would make no need to ask. And the reason why this happens is because neither one exhibiting stereotypical behavior decides to create a balance between street-smarts and book-smarts.

Now while these behaviors may be common to those stereotypical of their race, it is of course possible for people to adopt the rules of other ethnic or societal cultures, as I mentioned in Igor's case. BUT all too often, they adopt the bad more than the good of that culture. Hence the reason you have Whites who call themselves "wiggas"and are usually just as rude and obnoxious as the stereotypical Black, and Blacks who call themselves "educated", but just like their Whites cohorts, have traded book-sense for common sense.

As I often answer questions before you can put them in any comments you may have, I must assure you that as a Black man, my annoyance with Blacks claiming to be "educated" has nothing to do with me envying them because I have a high school education. After all, considering the constant display of common sense and looking below the surface of things that I have displayed on this blog since its beginning, I ask you, what reason would I have to envy them? NONE AT ALL, because I practice what I preach by trying to create a balance of both street-smarts and book-smarts that I feel has and still does give me survival skills in this world that make me practically invincible. To the extent that I will only be beaten by the hands of God.

So in regards to the Black and White friends that I have, they are my friends because they don't so follow the rules of their race's culture that they've (massively, if at all) adopted it negatives, nor have they erroneously so followed another race's culture that they have adopted that culture's negatives. They have learned the art of taking on the good and leaving behind the bad. The same as I try to do.

That is why with all of the variety of people I have come in contact with, I personally have taken note of both, the behavioral traits embedded in them because of a specific culture they allow themselves to be ruled by. Also, just in case I might not be around them for long, I listen to what they have to say are the traditions within the culture that they allow themselves to be ruled by. With that in mind, I have tried to live my life by adopting those behavioral traits that make me a productive individual, and discarding the ones that do not. If I could meet a single male who is individual enough, therefore adult enough, therefore man enough, therefore intellectual enough to do the same, then I might not have the single status that I have today.

Well according to the book, "
The Secret Language of Birthdays" people born on my day are very tenacious, so I am quite patient in waiting for what I want. And as an Aries, I am quite stubborn about not accepting anything less. So until that sweet day that I meet someone man enough to be his own man, therefore not so puppeteered by some culture rules that he lessens the worth of his existence, I will revel in my single life, basking in the fact that at least I'm living life by the standards not set by some culture, but set by the individual ME.

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