Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Diesel-Powered Cowardice: Reading THE INDUSTRY, Part 2

During a recent Twitter exchange with Diesel Washington, I invited him to my poetry reading. He tweeted that he probably would come so he can "put me in my place".

In response to such arrogance, I tweeted back 2 words,---- "BRING IT!!!!"

That night, while I was reading, I saw someone walking hunched over down the stairs of the room looking like Quasimodo from "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". I was focused on my work at the moment, and even though I'm great at multi-tasking, I didn't focus on who exactly this person was. Then once done reading, I looked out at the crowd for the Q & A sessions I promised in between each poem. By that time, this person was facing forward, and I realized it was him...Diesel Washington.

He took so long to show up that I thought he wasn't going to. It turns out, my friends and some other guests informed me that he was there for quite awhile before coming in. He was pacing outside the hallway of the room, and peeking in occasionally. Like I said, I was focused on my presentation and my audience, so if you weren't in the room, you didn't exist for me. Although, since we are talking about Diesel Washington whose wannabe-larger-than-life attitude has made him the scourge of any worthwhile person's social circle, even when he was in the room, he didn't exist. And I think that he was well aware of me having that sentiment about him.

I did have a brief moment wondering if he was going to say anything. I was hoping to think that maybe, just maybe, his silence was because he was getting the point I was making with my poetry, that the issues that HE CREATED between me and him had nothing to do with this reading, and maybe he would have something good to add to what I said in my poetry. Especially in my piece about racism, "Sex In Rainbows".

However, since Diesel's reputation proceeds him, I knew to hope for the best, but expect the worst.

And I'm sad to report, that the worst is what he gave.

Time was running out, and that was when he decided to make his move. He went on this whole rambling about how I point fingers at porn actors talking about how he perpetuates the "Mandingo" image, and all he's trying to do is make a little change, and why do I feel the need to tear him down. And saying that he wanted to ask me this now that he has me there.

Diesel's 1st delusion of grandeur: Diesel didn't have me anywhere. This was MY event, that I invited him to, therefore could have easily had him removed from if I so chose to.

As I was responding to remind him that I have always placed the blame on studio-heads and head of gay media, he attempted to talk over me. At this point, I was getting pissed, because he was obviously trying to make my moment his.

So I stopped him by saying, "Excuse me! Are you going to be in love with the sound of your own voice, or are you going to let me answer your question?!"

At this point, the sound of someone in the audience saying, "Ooo!", made it obvious that a line was crossed by him trying to take over the speaker's time on the floor, and it wasn't being tolerated. This also was a moment of truth for Diesel.

Diesel's 2nd delusion of grandeur: My talking back to him made it clear to him that he was not dealing with one of those dimwitted White boys with their "White guilt" that are dumb and self-loathing enough to have sex with him on or off camera who prove this by playing into reverse slavery, and bowing to his every whim, most likely because they are intimidated by his size. The fact here is I am a Black man from Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, so none of those issues that hinders those dumb White boys hinders me from putting one in their place when one tries to disrespect me on my time in my domain of the moment. This leads to...

Diesel's 3rd delusion of grandeur: My talking back to him also made it clear to him (and the audience) that the mouth you get an impression of by reading my blog is THE REAL ME. It's not so forceful just because I'm sitting in the safe confines of typing on a keyboard out of sight from my enemies. That moment made it clear what I've always said,..."If I say it on my blog, I will say it to your face." Many bloggers who have a reputation of trying to call people out can't say the same.

My calling him out on his interrupting me angered him. And from that point on, I stopped being pissed about him attempting to make my moment his. Because then the sadistic son of a bitch who gets his jollies by pissing you off for disrespecting me, my friends, my guests and/or my space had now been forced to surface in me. Hence, why I had a smirk on my face during his rants. For as my friend, Rich noticed, I was ROYALLY HYPED, while everyone in the audience could see that Diesel Washington was now ROYALLY PISSED.

Another bone of contention between us that was addressed that night was Diesel trying to bait barebacking pornstar, Chase Coxxx into disclosing his HIV status to the public. He tried to play this infantile "Gotcha" game by letting me know that he saw my comment to my post for MOC Blog, "Solved Enigmas From The Stigmas", which included a link to Twitpic showing this screenshot of tweets from Diesel to Chase Coxxx (JuicyGigolo on Twitter).
I found this to be a new low, even for Diesel. Yet Diesel actually tried defending this behavior by claiming how Chase Coxxx "goes on Twitter promoting his bareback porn movies, talking about breeding White boys, and on World AIDS Day, making a YouTube video showing him getting an HIV test, but won't disclose his status."

I don't think I need to point out the oafish stupidity with Diesel's rant, but I'll make it clear anyway.

1)Chase Coxxx can promote his bareback movies on Twitter just the same as the White porn actors and studio-heads that Diesel kisses the ass of use Twitter to promote their movies;
2)Many people (be they a celebrity or not, or in porn or not) write tweets about their sexual exploits, be those exploits safe or not;
3)Chase Coxxx may do bareback porn, but his statement about HIV to the public is the same as mine...KNOW YOUR STATUS! I further reiterated the same point that I made in that comment to my MOC Blog post of how even a public sex figure is by no means obligated to disclose his status to the public, and adding, "That is between Chase and who he's fuckin', just like it's between me and who I'm fuckin', and just like it's between you and who you're fuckin'! It is NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS!"

So what makes Chase Coxxx such a target?
It's because Chase isn't one of those White guys that Diesel is kissing the ass of. Therefore, like I won't kiss Diesel's ass, Chase Coxxx is a scapegoat target for the aggression that Diesel won't direct at the same porn actors, studio-heads, and so-called journalists whose asses he repeatedly kisses.

Now, the fact that Diesel launched this rant against Chase Coxxx at all at my reading shows that he's so much thinking that it's all about him, that he never read my post on MOC Blog enough to understand that he's exhibiting the very same false sense of sexual superiority that made me kick myself in gear to make me write the post 2 months after getting the green-light from Victor Hoff.

Diesel's 4th delusion of grandeur: Diesel's low self-esteem has become notorious for overcompensating by acting as if he has "saved the day" of gay porn. A perfect example of this was how during his rant about Chase Coxxx, he tried to act as if he answered an audience member's question regarding HIV/STD testing, and I didn't. THE FACTS ---- I answered that audience member the moment the question was asked. Telling him that it varies. For some condom companies test and some don't, and some barebacking companies test, and some don't. And in the case where they don't, one takes the actor's word for it. So no matter what, the actor is still taking a risk.

Diesel's FINAL delusion of grandeur for the evening: When the moderator allowed ONE MORE comment, that was when Diesel went on his rant about Chase Coxxx. Diesel tried to run out of the room acting as if his comment was closing my event. Well, the night was not going to end and my guests were not going to leave until I said the last word. Why? Because this was MY event, therefore MY moderator doing his job properly was not going to let it be done any other way.

At first, in writing this post, I was going to refer to Diesel by his real first name because I thought there was nothing "diesel-powered" about Diesel Washington. But then I realized that contrary to Diesel's claims, since I have always placed blame on the heads of studios and gay media for shoving the "Mandingo" image down our throats that Diesel plays, that there is something diesel-powered about Diesel Washington after all...

...It's his cowardice, and ass-kissing power.

I say this because while I'm not painting myself to be some kind of savior, but if I have always been brave enough to blame the head of studios for putting out that "Mandingo" image as the only sexual beauty in Black males, and getting myself blacklisted in the process, then why can't Diesel? It's because he's too much of a coward to face being blacklisted like I have been by "mainstream" studios. AND unlike me, he's become so addicted to the porn-stardom that he refuses to consider going beyond porn with himself. So instead, he'd rather kiss the narrow-minded asses of White studio-heads, continue playing the "Mandingo" part, and point a finger at me, as if I'm powerful enough to ruin his porn image and career. If his porn image is ruined, it's because the studios have used him up, and the behavior like he exhibited at my poetry reading. So he needs to man-up and point the finger at them and himself. 

I must say that if by some chance, he's tired of playing that "big, Black brute", then Diesel needs to stop playing a man and actually be one, by saying, "NO!". And if they don't comply, then walk away. When I couldn't get hired because of the stupidity of White porn companies, after nearly lowering myself to going back to thug-porn, I decided that unless studios were willing to undo some of the things that inspired my writing "The Industry", then I was done with studio-based porn. Because I have so much more to offer as an entertainer, and I've branded my name enough that I can now segue into mainstream. It may be slow, but I can now get there. Diesel needs to do the same. For I'm living proof that, as much as you may like the attention, leaving porn is not the end of the world.

In closing, I have been informed that Diesel has wrote a blog post attempting to discredit me. I have also been informed that he was taking video at my poetry reading for this futile attack. All of that is irrelevant to me. For it is just a 6' 6" heap of shit writing shit. Especially when you consider what has resulted from that night for me was:
1) a high that felt like sex so great that I needed 2 days to basked in the after-glow before returning to my normal routine, but even then and now, a smile is still on my face, and;
2) an email the following morning complimenting me on how I presented myself, an invite to a book fair with the possibility of being published, and an invitation to model for some drawing classes----ALL IN THE SAME EMAIL.

So why doesn't Diesel put that energy into making himself a more worthwhile existence of a human being where good things can happen for him? Instead, he spends all that time trying to create things to discredit me out of envy of the fact that I have moved on, which thereby makes him help inspire a negative stanza in my poetry.

Something he should consider. But when you're as miserable as Diesel Washington, you're always looking for company. So while this "conflict" ends here for me, I'm sure it doesn't for him.


  1. Do you get the idea that Diesel is somehow threatened by Chase Coxx and his popularity? I do. It is reprehensible to threaten to expose someone's HIV status (assuming and therefore implying that his "target" is positive). It could potentially ruin a person's life, reputation, and quite frankly as you point out, is none of his business. It is a horrible person that would want to cause another that kind of damage (again assuming that his "target" is positive), and again as you point out, Chase was doing a PSA to get people to get tested either way. What the hell is Diesel's point to all this?

  2. Anonymous,

    I do get that Diesel is threatened by Chase's popularity. It's just like what I said in the last stanza of the final poem of the series, "The HIVE":

    Is it your envy of the fact
    Of how there's more money in bareback?

    Chase may not make more money than Diesel, but Chase's movies are more popular according to the sales and rental charts.

    So Diesel's point is just as I pointed out in the closing, the age-old expression - MISERY LOVES COMPANY.

  3. I understand the industy is pretentious and cut throat, but to out someones status? that is LOW.

    In my opinion, his antics are making it harder for guys of colour in the industry.

    Perhaps he should take a look at Race Cooper and go about his business with grace, dignity and respect

  4. John,

    I deleted your comment because it is not the place for what you have to say. I have already admitted that I make grammatical and spelling errors occasionally. Playing editor with my posts through the comment section, instead of taking in what I am say will continue to get you deleted. Next time, email me, and I will more consideration to how right you are.

  5. Actually, I do take in what you say in your posts. If I neglected to say so, this post was very interesting.

    BTW, it's good to see that you are now accepting anonymous comments. I find that comments can actually enhance the reading experience.


  6. John,

    No, you didn't say it before, so THANK YOU.

    Also, I have always accepted anonymous comments. It's those anonymous comments that CHALLENGE mine that I don't accept. Because not that I have to justify my reason to you, but if you're going to challenge my point of view, have the balls to stand by them and tell your name to make me remember you by. Even if that means risking being shown to be an idiot when I respond with a fact. If nothing else, I can at least respect your conviction.


I HIGHLY respect those willing to stand behind their comments with a name. So if you use "Anonymous" on a viewpoint that challenges mine, IT WILL BE DELETED. For your cowardice to not show yourself makes your viewpoint and you irrelevant.

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