Friday, January 14, 2011

Tré's Swan Song: Reading THE INDUSTRY

Last Friday, I finally presented to the public my poetry series, "The Industry" at the LGBT Center. With some friends stopping by to show their support, meeting some online friends face-to-face for the first time, and considering the snowfall earlier in the day, I was pleased by the turnout. Especially since that night was (as said in the press release) the swan song of my "Tré Xavier" persona.

I was totally ready, willing, and able to bid the "Tré Xavier" persona "farewell". However, there were a few things I was not prepared for. Such as the fact that by exposing some of what's wrong in the porn industry, which could be considered a "fantasy machine", while I knew it would bring forth a lot of questions because of that, I didn't realize it would bring forth such in-depth discussions amongst the audience that we would go over the amount of time I had planned for the Q & A in between each poem. And that's not a bad thing. It showed me that even in poetry form, it is still my writing, and I pride myself on doing writing that inspires people to think, look beyond the surface, and don't accept so many things "just because". Hence the logo in the banner for this blog.

I also wasn't prepared for the fact that in order to properly answer the audience's questions that I would segue into other poems in the series before even reading them. This was a shock to me, because while the reason the character in most of the poems leave the porn industry for a reasons that I left, I had no intention of connecting their stories where if the characters were to meet, they could say to each other, "Yeah, it's kind of like when 'this thing' happened to me". So evidently, I subconsciously connected their stories.

One audience member emailed me to compliment me on the way I handled myself. Especially since he found some of the questions in his words, "unfair or even rude" for (also in his words) "a writer or poet never has to explain, justify, or rationalize their creative efforts".  And I must say that I agree for the most part with that as one of the comments from an audience member annoyed me IMMENSELY. And for that comment that I addressed politely at the reading, I will now address with some harsh truth that this blog is known for giving.

The comment from an audience member claimed that I was being too harsh on my "fellow actors" for doing scenes when they're not attracted to their scene partners. First of all, the same way I don't call a Black thug "my brother" just because he's Black, I don't call porn actors (be they gay, straight, bi, or gay-for-pay) who do it without being attracted to their scene partners, "fellow porn actors". Those are "whores" - escorts who lower themselves to being called "whores" by putting it on display. And I say this as someone admitting to my own whoring moments by appearing in "Love Of The Dick 4" and "The Booth". This audience member basically said that porn movies are to entertain and create a fantasy, and tried to compare someone having sex on camera with someone playing a psycho in a movie. What is "psycho" is comparing the two. And I can say this because I was also a mainstream actor before I got into porn. For with playing a psycho there are the actor's movements to simulate killing someone, and makeup and special effects artist to make it appear real. However while a porn movie is about creating a fantasy, you're dealing with such an intimate act of the human body, that it should be role-playing with people genuinely attracted to each other. Finding porn entertaining from watching people who aren't into each other makes one the very same inhumane voyeur that I speak of in my poem, "Exhibitionist vs. Whore". So while another audience member mentioned people losing the "spirituality in sex", it is that lost of spirituality in sex that made that audience member think I was being so harsh on whores. For my not losing that spirituality is why I can't fuck to the point of cumming someone that I'm not attracted to. I need that connection, and I have little to no trust in someone who can repeatedly have sex void of that connection. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. For it explains why escorts, especially those who are gay tops or straight males lead such lonely lives with their only friends being either other escorts, people who bought the illusion of friendship, and/or people saying behind their backs how sorry they feel for them leading that life.

Now, with that said, there were some questions that I felt deserved highlighting and/or further explanation.

One question asked that I wanted to highlight was asking if there was a union for porn actors. Some in the audience laughed, but I found it to be a good question. And to others who might be wondering, the answer is NO. I wanted to highlight this question to recall the reason why I stated at the reading as to while it is a good idea, with this mentality governing most porn actors these days, it will never happen. It's because the industry is presently polluted with escorts, instead of clean with exhibitionist. And yes, I said polluted. Escorts are pollutants of the porn industry not only because of the reasons I state in "Exhibitionist vs. Whore", but because escorts have an "every man for himself" mentality. This mentality not only makes the term "man" be used loosely, but it would also therefore cause a union for porn actors to fall part very easily if one was formed today.

Another question I wanted to highlight was the one that asked what the lure to the industry was if there's so much wrong with it like no union and lack of residuals. On that question, I could just answer for myself by saying that I thought the porn industry would widen my XTube audience, and help me show those who were in limbo about their orientation like I once was, someone who displayed his degree of being gay with no shame. As far as XTube goes, my audience has actually grown at a faster rate since my retirement from the industry than it did while in it. Others in the industry however are probably in the industry to seek validation, because they've failed at just about everything else. And since sex is an act that you have to be the one experiencing it in order to rightfully judge its quality, from a voyeur's point of view, it's easy to look good at it,...even when you're not.

One point that I didn't get into too much was about being "on the down low". Because as I was watching the time along with my moderator noticing that I wasn't done reading all of my poems yet, and it was nearing 9:30, so I just quickly said that "living on the d.l." was about everyone not knowing what you're doing. That is actually being "in the closet", which I have no problem with as long as you are not a gay-basher, or condemning homosexuality while in a position of power. I do however agree with my friend, Matt who made the comment about  how being "on the down low" is a cop-out. That is if you are living by the true definition of "living on the down low". For the true definition of "living on the d.l." is that your gay sexual encounters are also secret from your girlfriend, fiancée, or wife. And that is WRONG, AND NOT OPEN FOR DEBATE. Even though it did cause a heated moment between Matt and the other audience member who mentioned life "on the down low".

Another heated moment came about between Diesel Washington and myself as he tried to make my moment his. Actually, he was the one heated. I was the one hyped, and I took a sadistic pleasure from his getting heated. But I will get into those details in Part 2.

So in the meantime, here are the poems of "The Industry". I know the video is blurry and the sound quality isn't the best, but with my nerves about this being my first poetry reading, my usual technological know-how was blocked. I hope my video editing afterwards and most importantly, the poetry itself  - make you well-compensated for your time thus far.

A heartfelt THANKS to MACT/NY, the LGBT Center, and all of the audience members who came out to show an appreciation for what I have done, love to do, and plan on continuing to do.

Be sure to come back for Part 2. :-)

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