Sometimes, when we get together, I'm ready to place both of our smartphones so we can make a video from 2 angles instead of just 1. However, just as quick as it enters our minds, we let it leave. It's because our lust for each other takes precedence. Making the only buttons we want to push not be those on a camcorder, the camera app on our cell phones, or the webcam on our laptops. Instead, the only buttons we want to push are those in and on our bodies to trigger one another's erogenous zones.
If porn actors and others with accounts on fan paysites like OnlyFans, JustForFans, and 4MyFans had that same kind of depth towards each other, then such sites would not presently be all the rage. Nor would they be a new rabid sign of how we are failing each other. For while we already know that sex is a commodity to them, their account on such sites shows just how deeply troubling such an outlook on sex really is.
When I did studio-based gay porn, I cherished my sex away from the camera. I never even propositioned a playmate during that time about recording us. Hence why the videos of me with someone on my XTube account are all after my retirement from studio-based porn. It's because I wanted my sex partners to know that I wasn't "on" while I was with them. I also wanted them to know that the sex I was having with them was about me enjoying their company first and foremost. Enjoying and reveling in the pleasures born from the sights, sounds, taste, textures, and smells from the joy and intimacy of the sex. Unlike those on these fan paysites, my playmates weren't a means to build up my marketability, even as a sex educator. If they exemplified a point that I've often made, like my playmate in "Why It's WE Fuck", it was strictly by chance.
In that and all of my other videos with someone, we were so into each other that we never looked at the camera. Unlike many on those fan paysites. Many of them can't get enough of looking at the camera while fucking. Never realizing how that look in the camera exposes:
- their desperation for validation through porn
an indicator of how in their narcissism, they want to make money from memberships so bad that they refuse to enjoy their sex partner and communicating that to their sex partner by looking into their partner's eyes. And sometimes, if they do look in their eyes, it's not with their own eyes. They instead use the eye of a camera. Lessening their intimacy with that person. Signifying so much more social ineptitude;
a sexual display that is all a put-on. When these porn actors play to the camera in their videos, you are never allowed to play voyeur and see their true sexual self. So if you're dumb enough to pay for it, then you're paying for a fake display. And the more you pay for it, the more it reveals your lack of respect for the connection that should come with sex. Especially when it is to be viewed by others.
I'm sure many have one of these fan paysites to have sex where they can reclaim control over their sexual self and escape from the loud-mouth and scrutiny of a porn director living vicariously through them. Working in such conditions, I understand a porn actor's need to escape. However, they need to wise up... Because what good is their "escape" when during their sex away from a studio, they're still playing to the camera? Also, where is the reclaim of power over their sexual self? Because in the end...
You are still somebody's bitch. You are still owned.
You are still somebody's bitch. You are still owned.
The difference is that instead of being owned by a studio-based porn director, you've now become a owned by your subscribers. Going from clocking in and out to be one power's bitch, then clocking in to being an even greater power's bitch. And quite often, it's within the porn actor's own place of residence. So where is the "home", and where is the "sweet" in your "Home Sweet Home" now?
Sadly, you sold it. While selling away the joy of having a praiseworthy sex life. And the "praiseworthy" I'm speaking of is solely about the serenity and intimacy that a mentally and emotionally healthy sex life should have. Because call it a job or not, it's still sex. Therefore, even if it's just a tryst, it needs that spiritual connection to be mentally and emotionally healthy sex. And that does not happen in many of these fan paysite scenarios.
Some on sites like OnlyFans have the fuck-faced audacity to ask you for tips so you'll see the very content that you subscribed to them for in the first place, which is deplorable. Many porn actors try to say they don't deserve to be looked down upon, but when they pull stunts like this, they most definitely deserve it. Because a subscriber already paid to see you totally naked, and/or to see you fuck. So asking for anymore money is you being another greedy, lecherous stereotypical prick that the sex industry is known for. So you're keeping the negative stigma associated with the porn industry very much alive. Congratulations, asshole!
With such methods, the way many do their fan paysite accounts makes them always "on". So they in turn have no real sex life. And the more members of our community act like this is okay, the more we are contributing to the lack of intimacy in our community's relationships.
Speaking of intimacy in relationships, let's address those who are on these sites and claim to be in relationships. What does this say about their significant other?
Well for starters, their "significant other" can't really be that significant. To themselves or the porn actor they're involved with. For after all I have said here thus far, do you really think allowing an even longer chain to the porn industry than that of a common studio-based porn actor makes an emotionally and mentally healthy relationship? Or does it contribute more so to the growing social dysfunction in the gay community?... I say the latter.
Since this is so often for the sake of bigging up the amount of material to put on their fan paysite accounts, and making "commercials" for their porn careers, it causes and justifies the lack of respect many have for sexual performers today. The ripple effect of this ignorance is that it causes true exhibitionists like myself to be seen just as worthy of disdain and unworthy of respect. In spite of the fact that our respect for you as a voyeur is the reason why you are never charged so much as a penny.
I have never, even while I was doing studio-based porn, charged viewers for watching my tube site videos. I always kept links to my porn accounts near the top of this page because over the years, I love the way I have learned to masturbate. I love the sex that I have learned to have. And I love that you enjoy watching me learn both. You can't really put a price tag on that love, or those connections.
This is why I am so troubled by many with these fan paysites. It's because they don't know of that love. Even if they say they do, their actions of having such an account, performing the way they do, and charging you money for it speaks way louder than their words.
Porn actors need that away-from-the-camera sex more than anyone. But having one of these accounts blinds them to the how sex needs to is a nature-blessed joy to cherish and the high percentage of times it needs to be held sacred. Even if they claim to find the person hot that they make a video with, how cherished and held sacred is that sex by all parties? Knowing that the main reason it was recorded was not to have a cherished memory of the encounter. Instead, it was recorded primarily for the purpose of making money. Even if a porn actor suppresses that acknowledgement, it is still there in your brain for you to feel less than because of it. Which leads to porn actors acting out. Most likely by doing more scenes, and taking more pics, then using the likes and purchases by subscribers and followers to distract them from dealing with the ugliness of it all.
So the real one who suffers in this obsession with seeking subscribers are those with the accounts. They are selling out their intimacy all for the sake of greater porn stardom. Being a fighter for exhibitionism and a healthy state of mind with it is why this troubles me. So for now, the best I can do is what I do when my compassion crosses paths with an addict... Distance myself from those who feel the need to go this route, but leave myself open to advise them if/when they alas realize, or even simply open up to suspecting that they have made a bad call.
It sadly needs to be this way because our society is already plagued with social ineptitude because of obsession with forms of social media. And the gay community as a whole is even more so socially inept by its unawareness and denial of how we define one another and gay sex by ways taught by porn. So such people need to be left alone until they realize the harm to others, and to themselves that they are contributing to.