Sunday, August 8, 2010

Wanna Watch Me Watch?....Go Ahead

Do you remember this scene from the movie "Trick"?

I'm sure practically everyone of us can relate to that scene.

You're out in public. Maybe on some form of public transportation, or in a public place like a park, or on the street. You see an attractive person, and you're checking them out from head to toe. You see that beautiful face, then work you way down to imagining the nice chest that might be hiding under that shirt. Next, you wish for a nice flat stomach, juicy underwear-filling ass, and a nice pair of thighs. Lastly, you're hoping that there's a nice pair of calves that you can fantasize about being used to either thrust into you deep and hard, or you admiring them as they lean on your shoulders, while you thrust into him. And during that entire trip of looking down that person's body, you are wishing that you had Superman's x-ray vision so you can see through that clothing, and find out if your imagination is on point.
Now, you are so aroused by the combination of the image in your head and the fantasy of the 2 of you together that you might feel as if you can orgasm without even touching yourself. 

There is a problem though. You can't get too comfortable, because a strange vibe interrupts you. A strange vibe coming from another direction. And when you look in that direction, you discover what it is...

...It's someone giving you that disapproving stare. That stare that says, "I know what you're thinking, and it's disgusting." When truth be told, you have nothing to feel disgusted about. They should feel disgusted with themselves for being such a busy-body with a lack of understanding about the nature of your orientation.

Once upon a time, I used to do like Christian Campbell's character in that clip, and immediately move my eyes elsewhere when I discover that some busy-body is watching me check a guy out. Sometimes the guy I was checking out was fully aware that I was checking him out, and he didn't seem to care, but because that busy-body's eyes looked at me with such disgust, I would turn away.

Nowadays however, I'm discovering that the older I get, the less give a flying fuck if they look. I think it is because I am becoming more and more comfortable in my predominately gay skin. Therefore, that busy-body with their disapproval can kiss my ass. My only concern now is the person that I'm checking out. I'm concerned if they're OK with me checking them out. Now, if I get a stare that shows discomfort, then I'll stop. I'll consider it their lost, for whatever reason they don't want my admiration, and move on without any drama starting from my end.

I know not every gay or bisexual person has grown to that place. It takes time. While it took me 8 years after realizing my orientation to get to this point, I know it has taken some less time, while others may need a little more, and others may need alot more. I'm just glad that after my over-a-decade long struggle with my sexuality, that I have now come to this point where my actions can say to these nosey judgmental assholes, "If you wanna watch me watch him, go ahead. Keep watching. And don't forget to give me your address so that if something transpires, I can send you the porno of us fucking each others brains out. Have a nice day." 

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