"Press Is Press" - A Cry For Help

A few months ago, I went to a NY Jock Party, and saw Diesel Washington. He said that he had a bone to pick with me. He never told me what, and I know I never said anything offensive about him, so I brushed it off, and had my fun for the night. Then the day after Hustlaball, when I went to View Bar in NYC, where Diesel was one of the guest, I found out what his bone to pick with me was.

It seems that he was bothered by me using him as an example without informing him of it when I speak of the racism in the gay porn industry and how they act like the only image of a hot black male is big, dark-skinned, buffed, and quite often bald. I knew from the moment he spoke that there was nothing offensive about what I said. It's a reality, and if you benefit from it, just acknowledge that you benefit from it. If I said the he revels in it, then he might have had a right to be offended. Even while knowing I said nothing offensive, I still took time to listen. I have so much going on that it tooks days to process, then I realized I did nothing wrong.

With that in mind, I sent Diesel an email explaining all this, and how while he claims to be so much more than that image, it was not the focus of my posts, nor is it my job to promote that, just as I don't expect him to do it for me. That is, if such is the case, because the fact is he furthers that image of the "mandingo" as the only black male in every narrow-minded gay white American.

In response, I got this long-winded email from him claiming how my blogs make me sound "jaded and bitter". Why would I be jaded and bitter? I'm not the one who in a recent post was complaining about how he can't just unwind at a sex party - Diesel is. I'm not the one complaining about how he's "jaded about relationships", but Diesel is. Any mental health professional will confirm that such complaints from Diesel show that he is a prisoner of his own celebrity. It's the usual case of someone saying "you're this and you're that", when the finger really should be pointed in their mirror.

So whose "jaded and bitter"? Not me, especially since my retirement, I no longer have the complaints Diesel has. For since retiring, I've been dating more than I've dated during my entire time in the porn industry. Dating guys who know of my porn past, my non-apologetic attitude for that past, and the still sexually-free nature that allowed it, with the icing on the cake being the intellect and standards that I'm not afraid to show, because I won't lower myself to playing a fool's game. I'm just the one calling a spade a spade, and taking solace in that, and many people have been respecting me for it, with even more people respecting me now. And with a fan-base of actual thinkers, instead of a bunch of dim-witted White American creatures of habit, I have every reason to have the smile on my face that I now have. For the actual thinkers are the ones I want knowing my name.

Any loyal reader to this blog knows that the mood shifts constantly. Today a serious topic, a couple of days later - a sex tale, or one week -dealing with issues, the next week - sexual fantasies. I have always maintained a balance. So another one of Diesel's claims from his email about how I'm always attacking someone is nothing more than him buying into the image that sites like The Sword, Unzipped, and Fleshbot have painted of me as suffering from ABMS (Angry Black Man Syndrome), because I have often tipped these sites off to my blog posts of lighter fair, but they practically never mention them. And if they do, they try insulting me in the process, which lessens its sex appeal. Yet they mention such tales from white performers with just occasional insult. So if I attack these sites, I have every justifiable reason to do so. There is an obvious bias in their so-called reporting.

Also, in his email, while I insisted on keeping this matter between us private so that we wouldn't give the racist hypocrites in gay porn media ammo to say how blacks don't stick together. He kept baiting me at least 3 times to post it in a blog. Rather than play to his infantile cry for attention, I decided that if he mentions it at all, then I'll make out disagreement public here.

Like the saying goes of keeping your friends close, but keep your enemies closer, I kept occasionally checking his blog to make sure he was keeping quiet (hence how I got the previous links on his blog), as while I made it clear I didn't want to make this disagreement public and spreading over the blog-o-pshere (as I've grown secure enough to not need such attention), his baiting me showed that he wanted the attention, so he needed to be watched. And it came one day, when I saw on his blog that he mentioned names of who he had blog wars with, and I was one of the names he mentioned. I thought to myself, "No he did not include me in that". For (1) it wasn't a blog war, and (2) if it was asked to be kept private for the good reason I believe I gave, then a mature adult would have agreed and kept it as such, instead of trying to make it seem like this infantile battle with me over his stereotypical porn ego was some war wound to brag about.

Because of that mention of my name, in a post on MOC Blog about him, I wrote this comment:

After my recent email exchange with Diesel Washington (one that I tried to keep private while he's making public), I've come to realize that people don't assume he's an idiot because he does porn. It's because he sides with the very people who are part of the problem, and never challenges them to be part of the solution. People like Unzipped Magazine and The Sword.

He saw this, and this past Thursday, he wrote a post about me. One that because of all I have going on, I didn't discover until this week. In it, he called me a Contributing Editor of MOC Blog. I'm sure this was an attempt to make me look weak for puting my response to him in a comment, instead of an entire post. Well that can be easily explained. For (1) I make it my business to never take a title that is not mine, and Contributing Editor of MOC Blog is NOT my title, it is as a Contributing WRITER. Therefore, if I write anything, it has to get Victor Hoff's OK to get posted, and (2)I never suggested writing a post about Diesel, because I was not about to waste Victor's web space on Diesel Washington's cry for attention. Furthermore, the situation didn't warrant an entire blog post. The combination of events (like these), and my nipping them in the bud - maybe, but not that one instance. Once again, the pornstar ego's cry for attention. And with all of my recent creative endeavors, I posted in blog posts, tweets, and Facebook updates, I have no desire to waste my time and perfectionist nature on satisfying his ego.

So why am I writing this post, while it gives Diesel the attention he craves so much? Because (1)while Diesel is attemtping to make me look bad, he's making MOC Blog look bad as well by claiming I have a higher title than I actually have with MOC Blog. And to believe such a false claim of my position with MOC Blog can make readers lose respect just as I lost respect for Unzipped because of Zach Sire's racial insensitivity, and I lost respect for The Sword for promoting Paul Bookstaber with his unprofessional antics. And my feeling is that you can say what you want about me, but leave my friends out of it, and (2) most importantly, to show how unlike his attack on me, which is a bunch of conjured-up tales to big himself up, I am delivering the facts of what happened and what any mental health professional can confirm as the reason for his actions. So I'll give Diesel attention, but not positive attention. And if he's foolish enough to believe in that saying of "press is press", then that's his cry for help to deal with, not mine.

I was advised by a good friend to just let this go, because it's all about ego. Now I can assure you that my ego is not bruised. For once I left the porn industry, I decided to conduct my online presence in confrontations the same way I conduct them in the real world. That method being that when a verbal confrontation arises, I say what I have to say, turn my back, and walk away - because when I'm done speaking, that's the end of the conversation, and in my eyes, the end of you. And that is why Diesel's 2nd reply email was deleted UNREAD, as it was me closing the matter privately. And now, due to the aforementioned provocation of including someone else, no matter what he or any goonies says in return, I am publicly saying my piece on the matter, therefore this is the end of this matter.