Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Why I Won't Be A Gay Party Promoter

Gay nightlife is a big part of the gay experience. A part of the gay experience that after my various posts about what's wrong with gay nightlife, such as the massive degree of segregation, it has been suggested that I throw my name in the game as a promoter.
Over the years, I have repeatedly thought about it. And call me arrogant, but I know I have what it takes to make and sell a great party in gay nightlife. I love to see people loving good music and dancing. Also, since sex definitely sells in gay nightlife, if you add to that how many guys have ventured to (or avoided) certain sex parties because of this blog over the years, then I've definitely got that part covered. For the reputation of this blog shows that I can sell sex so good that a monk or nun forced to wear a metal chastity belt will chew it off if their master refuses to give them the key. Just so they can get a little taste of sex. ;-)

However, with all of that, me as a party promoter won't be happening any time soon as far as I can see. For I am realizing that I am overqualified.

The reason I'm overqualified is because I'm not flaky. Flaky, like I've repeatedly observed one or more of the links in the chain to make a gay nightlife party come to fruition. Be it the bar/club owner, party promoter, DJs, bartenders, or go-go boys. One or more of these parties have shown themselves to be so damn flaky that the idea of working in gay nightlife as a promoter gives me a headache before any meeting has even been set up.

I've bordered on experiencing enough headaches seeing a pulchritude of go-go boys flake out on their responsibilities. So if you try to tell me that I'm wrong, then you're only telling a lie to convince yourself. For there's too much proof of my viewpoint by what happens here at NYC gay parties alone. I present to you Exhibits:

A)How many times does a party that is doing some degree well, suddenly stop? Only to be replaced by either no party at all, or a party from a friend of the venue owner;
B)How many times are we promised certain names and faces of go-go boys, only for the roster to change at the last minute? Sometimes it's the promoter's fault. Sometimes it the go-go boy's.
C)How many times are we promised a certain number of go-go boys, only for the actual number to be less than promised? OR it's more than expected, but STILL so damn White that the claim all of these promoters make of their parties being "all-inclusive" is proven to be ONE BIG DAMN LIE!!! Therefore, too white to be representive of not just NYC, but America overall.
With scenarios such as these, it seems the most stable and reliable links in the chain of gay nightlife parties are the DJs, bartenders, and maybe the doorperson.

Now, let's say that all of these people were not flaky as I have seen thus far. My answer remains the same. For I have seen too many nightlife parties where the things that cause fault-lines in our community are practiced on a regular basis. The 3 "-isms" known as "racism", "ageism", and "sexism", and let us not forget prostitution.

Like I said before, selling sex is a big part of gay nightlife. However, selling it on an intellectual level is not entertained much, if at all. Instead, it is often in conjunction with porn-induced stigmas and stereotypes. Hence why porn actors are often used to lure people in. But because of what I know of the usual porn actor mindset from my time in the porn industry, I can't in good conscience subject a porn actor to that. For just because they'll easily agree to be demeaned in their desperation for validation, that doesn't mean I should take advantage of it. Especially, when porn producers, directors, and other party promoters have misled them so far from logic that they are blind to realizing any better. For instance, nowadays when I go to gay nightlife parties and there's a porn actor advertised as an attraction, the porn actor is either too often non-reactionary to being touched, feels so entitled that he doesn't really work, exemplifies every wrong move I addressed in "Go-Go Boy Etiquette...Lacking" (like racism and unjustified preferential treatment of patrons), or a combination of 1 or more of the aforementioned. With that being the case, do I really want to lend my name to this? For one, it would be hypocritical of everything I stand for in addressing sexuality.

For the slogan of this blog is "Still seeing beneath the surface of all we've been told about sex, life & love". And the "LeNair Xavier" brand is about more than just sex, life & love on the surface. It's also (maybe even more so) about sex, life & love below the surface. The mental & emotional motivations to do what we do, as well as the mental & emotional tolls those actions take in the long run. Which means for starters, eradicating stereotypes based on race/ethnicity. Something too many people in nightlife are aware of, but are too interested in the idea of racist White (and not multi-colored) money that they don't put in the effort to make that much needed change come about. Hence why some of my Facebook friends and Twitter followers who are in nightlife are a case of "keeping your friends close, but keep your enemies closer". Meanwhile, others have unfriended me because I spoke a truth about their pimping and/or prostituting ways that was too much truth for them to handle, so their cowardice in facing it made them do a cyber-run by unfriending me.

The problem is that most of gay nightlife is about sex and life on the surface. Without love never factoring in at all. Not even love for oneself, or thy fellow man. Lust definitely, but not love.
If love (especially for thy fellow man) factored in at all, then the blatant racism, and catering to the racist White/light aesthetic would not be the under-discussed plague that it is in the multi-colored, multi-ethnic mecca that is my hometown of New York City, or this country. And it is a waste of good energy to fight it by trying to create a party when it has been shown in this city (among others) that the maturity level of our community as a whole is not ready for the unity in color and ethnicities that I want to offer, or should exist.

It is for this reason, I have decided to instead let my aspirations for a better us make me focus my energy elsewhere. Using my talents to bring the issue to your attention, and let you do with the information what you will. Instead of allowing you to repeatedly miss the much needed message of unity, by serving you alcohol, which can blind you to the truth that you desperately need to see and hear.
So I'll try to get my bar/club night filled up when we as a whole do better.

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I HIGHLY respect those willing to stand behind their comments with a name. So if you use "Anonymous" on a viewpoint that challenges mine, IT WILL BE DELETED. For your cowardice to not show yourself makes your viewpoint and you irrelevant.

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