Gay media has long accused the religious right wing of ostracizing the gay community. Well, it's time that we look at the facts. Gay media is not one bit different. In fact, with that being the case, by throwing out such accusations about the religious right wing, gay media makes itself worse.
Gay media tries to imply that we should hate the religious right wing because when you don't agree with the religious right wing, they treat you as if your viewpoint is irrelevant, and eradicating you off the planet is an option. Doesn't gay media do the same thing? In 2014, gay media goes on witch-hunts like it's Salem, Massachusetts in 1692 looking for stories of gays oppressed. Yet do that same oppression within their own community, and to the straight community. Even when there is a bridge present. This is why this post is in the category of "Typical American Gay Male - His Own Worst Enemy". There are many examples I can use to make this point. So let me use these simple few.
For the longest time now, you have read of numerous blog posts of me promoting my appearances at the erotic open mic event' Titillating Tongues. And I have tried appealing to EVERY gay nightlife magazine I know of here in NYC (Next Magazine, Odyssey, and Get Out!) to try getting them to cover this event since it is pansexual, therefore gay-inclusive, therefore a bridge between communities of sexual orientation. For I find it ridiculous that I am often the sole gay voice in the room. But why have I yet to get a response, or even better, see such a story written as feature article? The most likely reason that I feel is safe to surmise is that it's not gay enough for them. For these magazines are littered with light faces doing nothing of depth. Either that, or making heroes out of heterosexual female music artists preying upon stereotypical gay desperation for validation. Yet when an artistic event that allows a bridge to form between the straight and gay communities is brought to their attention, they refuse to speak a word of it. It's like they live to wallow in the animosity, and refuse to show more depth to their prospective.
A perfect example of the bridge that can be created were the loud applause I got when I presented both "Blind Fuck Mind Fuck 5" at Titillating Tongues back in April, and most recently, "HIM" this past June. The audience, full of heterosexual artists and patrons gave a response that blew my mind. And it's not like I don't have proof. For the videos tell all. Those are not tracks of laughs, applause, and interjections edited in that you hear. They're 100% real. And the audience knew from my intro that I was telling a gay sexual fantasy. So why is this bridge not being taken advantage of? WHY?!
Did you know I have locked horns with Queerty so much over their shallow wannabe-journalists that they---have now blocked me from commenting. Sure, I can log in as a member. But they are so often on the negative stereotypical side that they've grown weary of me calling them out on it. So now, even on the rare occasion that I can agree with them, they have silenced me. Yet, when they allowed me to comment, Queerty allowed foul-mouthed and racially insensitive people to insult me with no punishment to those commenters. Does such a tactic sound EXACTLY like what the religious right wing would do? I believe so.
Queerty has recently went even further in their desperation to silence people who don't agree with their world. For in a recent article on their site, after 4 comments, they closed the comments. Comments were open on other posts, but not that one. What was so different about this post? 3 of the 4 comments in a nutshell bluntly said that Queerty was low on intellect. Nothing I haven't said a gazillion times before. So rather than single those individuals out by blocking them like they did me, they just closed the comments altogether. That only says to me that my individuality threatens them. So closing the comments was their Christian right wing-like attempt to make sure those other commenters don't become just as great a threat as me, or greater.
Well, after I called them out on this action by tagging them in a status update I wrote on Facebook, I checked back to see if the comments were still closed. They were not. I'm not necessarily saying it was because of me, but the timing is suspect.
What makes gay media and the religious right wing so similar is the fact that these are 2 sets of fools claiming to be different, but are actually 2 asswipes smudged from the same messy shithole. Yes, that's harsh, but I am justifiably frustrated and annoyed. The reason they think they're different is because they were done at different times. With the religious right wing forcing a need for gay media, but gay media failing the community it claims to stand for. Because both gay media and the religious right wing are worlds of complacency, segregation, and hypocrisy. Thriving on their followers to do what their rules say, and never show an ounce of humanity or individuality by asking questions. If you do ask questions, you will be deemed as "angry", a "bad seed", "someone who should be cast out", much like God cast out Satan from heaven. So both are wannabe-gods.
But the problem with this behavior is that not a single one of them, or us is God. So if someone is a member of that community, we have no right to thrown them out. Question their behavior if it's not for our betterment? Yes. But cast them out? No. Between gay media and the religious right wing, whoever comes to this realization first, that is when they will be different, and one will undoubtedly be better.
However, until that time comes around, they are both loud mouths. Using their noise to hide both their hypocrisy, misery from their complacency, and loneliness from their self-imposed segregation.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Saturday, June 28, 2014
HIM and the backstory
Ryan Driller William Corazon Richie Black Wolf Hudson
If you're gay and don't know those names, maybe these gay porn actor names will sound familiar:
Jeremy Bilding Kevin Crows Spencer Jones Wolf Hudson
The reason why you might not have known the first names I mentioned is because in that order, those are the names they now use in their "work" as straight porn actors. For the record, let it be known that I don't know which orientation all of these guys define themselves as. However, based on the videos and tweets I've come across, most (if not all) define as "straight". Not to mention (with the exception of Wolf Hudson) the seeming "need" to change their porn name as they go to straight porn. It sounds like Escapism 101 in an era where escapism is futile.
For while I no longer follow porn like I used to, I discovered Richie Black's gay porn past with Randy Blue merely by chance. But in regards to his orientation, the video proof is there to show that he is in some level of denial regardless of how 100% straight his recent porn and tweets portray him to be.
I have made no secret of my dislike of the "gay-for-pay" porn genre, and my lack of respect for the performers and producers that hire them like Michael Lucas, Chi Chi LaRue, Jake Cruise, Chris Steele of Jet Set Men, as well as Lovari and the producers of Latino Fan Club. To the point that I have locked horns via porn blogs and Twitter with some of the performers and producers from that list. However, that does not change the fact that being the lustful creature many of us are that we still fantasize about "what if". And if the opportunity to be with such a guy presented itself that we just might go through with it.
That's where the poem "HIM" that I recently debuted at Titillating Tongues comes in.
When something does not add up properly, I demand answers. So as a member of free society, a male having sex with a male yet calling himself 100% heterosexual is such a situation in which I will demand answers. And no matter how in lust I am, if his answers are not to my liking, then we will not proceed with our mutual lust turning into a tryst. For as long as you're lying to yourself, you will NEVER be man enough to have me give your dick and/or ass THE FUCK OF ITS LIFE in reality.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Pornstar's Cry
In my days of doing porn, I don't know was it that way for all gay porn performers at the time, or was it just me being the rare individual I was in the industry, but I've come to realize that for live appearances, I gave off the vibe that said, "This is my personal space, and that is yours." Much like females in the industry at in-person appearances.
This realization came to me because based on the undisciplined behavior of patrons, with today's gay porn actors/go-go boys I don't see that rule of personal space given by them in vibes or words at live events. Maybe it has always been that way, but because of my individuality that eventually made me leave the porn industry I was blind to how many gay porn actors and go-go boys just act aloof to being touched, groped, and even fingered. But try that with a porn actress at a straight porn event or a straight guy's strip club, and that male patron is out on his ass. What's even worse is how I've seen some party promoters incite this violating behavior from the patrons and tolerance from the porn actors/go-go boys. It's really sad to see that this is what we are doing to our own. Then we wonder why porn actors kill themselves swiftly or slowly by abuse of drugs and alcohol. It's partly because the people who should be looking out for their mental and physical well-being at these appearances are either refusing to do so, or are unaware of the psyche of a porn actor to do so.
Recently at a bar event where a gay pornstar was promoted as one of the go-go boys dancing, there came a point when the pornstar was just standing there for I guess a time-out. A crowd of guys started to form around him. These guys all then started rubbing and groping him. The desperation of these patrons was sickening to watch. A friend I was talking to who also saw this pointed out how aloof the pornstar seemed to be to these guys crowding around and groping him. We were at a distance at the time, so I went in closer to be sure if what I was seeing from a distance was actually what was truly happening. And sadly I must say, that's when I saw it. To him, it was like none of us were there. The even sadder part is...neither was he.
In seeing this, my fascination with the human psyche was compounded with concern. For I began to wonder what must be going on in this porn actor's mind to allow this to happen to him. And I thought about what sadness this must bring. Sadness that it's not "politically correct" for porn fans to concern themselves with. To think no one cares about how he feels. Simply because you're a "pornstar". Well with my porn past, I've been there to some extent. So then and now, I gave off the vibe and/or words to show ownership of my space. Namely, my body. To make sure that feeling had an end. So with that came the poem:
How
did I get here?
Was
it a desperation for validation?
Was
it my curiosity about being in a voyeur’s view?
Or
was it all of that plus a heartfelt mission
To
help the sexually ambivalent find their truth
Whatever
the case may be
I don’t like how I am now seen
I don’t like how I am now seen
But
even worse is who I actually am
And
that’s the most nightmarish dream
You
can dismiss other’s opinion of you
But
what if your soul’s mirror shows the same?
That is when it starts to hit you
That
this path you chose is no game
I was led here by porn producers and you viewers
I was led here by porn producers and you viewers
Giving
me numerous pats on the back
As
producers count their money, and you viewers beat your meat
I
sensed it, but ignored a real fact
You want a fuck for my body & name
You want a fuck for my body & name
Not
for my soul, heart, and damn sure not my brain!
Yet
if I was to off myself one lonely night
You’d
dare wonder how was I in such pain
Look
at what you deem as making me worth living
My
face?! My ass?! My dick?!
Nothing
in between like my heart, or at the very top like my brain
On
your part, that is sick!
I
got my name on a flyer
And
that takes me higher
But
once it’s showtime, reality sets in
I
get on the bar to go-go dance
And
everyone wants a chance
To
see if a romp with me, they’ll win
How
many grimy, sweaty hands
From
another desperate old man
Must
I feel has soiled my soul with his touch?
So
I take to your young handsome face
Who
vies for a place
And
while I play along, I don’t feel much
This
world has killed my love of sex
So
now every fuck is to regain the high
Adding
drugs and booze, but I still lose
For
all my soul can do is cry
I
may orgasm, and shoot a load across the room
But
I’ve been asked for so much
Joy
over the feeling is doomed
For
all my soul can do is cry
But
it’s not “correct” for you to care
Instead,
you let compassion hide
So
no one dares to ask of all people
A
pornstar,…what
…they feel inside
…they feel inside
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Popper-Free Anal Sex
This past Saturday, I took part in a workshop presented by the NY Academy of Sex Ed called the Sex Educator Skill Share. It was a workshop for sex educators to better their skills as educators, and it was limited to 10 people. A big part of the requirement being that each person gave a 10-minute presentation, with every other member critiquing your presentation afterwards.
As for my topic, the topic I chose was brought on by my 1-on-1 and sex party trysts where my supposed playmate caused me headaches. Not knowing some of those headaches could have become fatal since I took an enhancement pill, which I later learned is not to be combined with what made a necessity for my topic...poppers. Hence why my topic was:
This was the outline that I followed for my presentation:
I.
Intro
A. Warn audience of bluntness
B. Popper use –
perceived necessity for anal play 1. Introduced early after engaging in gay anal sex
a. Once was not in porn, now it is
2. Straight couples popper use likely started by gay suggestion
II. 2 Powers to influence popper use
A. Power of suggestion
1. Told it makes anal sex easier
2. Debunk it makes anal sex easier
a. It’s HUFFING
1. Question why tops and oral sex players use it
2. Risking damage because brain not properly receiving messages
3. ANY action with such a risk
of harm is WRONG
B. Power of mind
over matter 1. Tells of experiences proving poppers unnecessary
2. Tell components for popper-free anal sex
a. Lube
b. Desire
1. Is your anal sex pleasure or a chore
c. Deep breath
1. Point out how this was discovered
2. Suction makes it like a blow job pulling him in for penetrate you
III. Hope for strongly enforced laws, so more power of mind over matter must take effect
There were things that I forgot to put in the outline in some fashion, and due to nervousness forgot to address in my presentation. Once I realized that, it became apparent to me how I avoided the 1-minute warning finger being raised at me. Those things in the order as to where they should have been on the outline were:
Risking brain damage - this is the reason your body won't properly receive messages of both pleasure and pain. But it also can over time hinder your common sense and other degrees of intellect.
Anal sex is not for everyone - some people have preexisting conditions that prevent them from having anal sex. So taking poppers to cover the pain with a huffing high from poppers is self-destructive.Risking brain damage - this is the reason your body won't properly receive messages of both pleasure and pain. But it also can over time hinder your common sense and other degrees of intellect.
Do you really want to be gangbanged? - I've witnessed many bottoms gangbanged at sex parties, but seldom (if ever) are they doing it the way I plan to if I ever get the gangbang I desire ---- without poppers. So this is sex as a tool for escapism.
My hopes with this 10-minute presentation is to make it a 2-hour presentation. Possibly for a lecture or workshop in the future. The Pleasure Chest is one place that comes to mind. I would expand on all of the points told and forgotten in the 10-minute presentation, as well as give definitions that I left out due to (once again) the time constraint. Definitions for words like "huffing" - a word that hasn't been used much since maybe the 1990's, and has been covered up more and more by the glorification of popper use.
So where will this go from here....Only time will tell. But be advised that putting in a word to make it happen does help. Thank you.
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