3-31-41

This preface is based on a fear I always had before understanding or acknowledging my orientation as a predominately gay bisexual.

Until I came out to myself in 2002, my repression caused me to constantly contemplate suicide. So while aging is considered a BIG "no-no" in the gay community, I'm blessed to be alive and looking forward to how on March 31st, I will turn 41years old. So this poem “3-31-41” is to pay remembrance to the spirit of those we've lost to denial of themselves.

Best Sex Writing 2012

Last month I was reading the erotic anthology, "Irresistible", edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel., which I enjoyed a great deal. Now, I am enjoying "Best Sex Writing 2012", which is also edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Based on this trailer, I felt it would appeal to the voyeur in all of us. See for yourself as to why my interest was piqued. But I will say,  that from what I've read thus far,...so far, so good.

Don't just take my word for it. Get your copy of "Best Sex Writing 2012" at Amazon.com, and other booksellers.

Come See 'Bi-Butterfly'

For 2 years, maybe more, I have had the idea in my head to do a drawing that put bisexuality on display. It was to feature a bisexual man having butterfly wings with a woman on his right, and a man on his left. The intended title of this drawing was always to be "Bi-Butterfly".

Recently, I saw a posting from the Leslie/Lohman Museum of Gay and Lesbian Art asking for submissions. It partially reads: 

In response to the church’s recent call to censor the groundbreaking exhibition Hide/Seek: Difference and Desire in American Portraiture at the Brooklyn Museum, the Leslie-Lohman Museum of Gay and Lesbian Art is hosting Uncensored: Queer Art and the Church, a week-long exhibition to which anyone may submit artwork and all submitted artwork will be shown.

I took this as yet another chance to further show there is more to me than my old porn persona, "Tré Xavier". Yes, I've done the poetry readings, dance and karaoke videos, and even included drawings with my poetry video "Paying (Ends---My 'Friend')". But those drawings were born of a dark place I was put in by the subject of that poem. So while that guy's impudence resurrected my need and love of drawing, I decided to take this opportunity from Leslie/Lohman to make a drawing born of a much brighter place inside me.

Creating Bi-Butterfly

First thing to create were the butterfly wings. Initially, I was trying to draw them freehand, then I realized that I never studied butterfly wings enough to draw them off the top of my head. This meant that I needed a picture to guide me. So I googled "butterflies", then went to Images, and luckily, one of the 1st images to pop up was one of these 4 types of butterflies.

Next, I had to choose one. I quickly eliminated the bottom 2 types because their shapes were so simple. So this left me with the top 2. The straight sides of the Papilio machaon's top wings put it more in the same league as the bottom 2 butterflies, which left me with

Next order of business was to find people whose physiques would make good for the 2 males and 1 female in the drawing. My original choice for the bisexual male at the center of the drawing (the Bi-Butterfly) was Greg McKeon. But for the man at the center, I wanted someone taller. Someone you could see carrying both me and a beautiful woman as his bisexuality took flight, and I have come face to face with Greg McKeon, and he is actually close to my height.

So I then considered a known bisexual pornstar that I have a thing for, Denis Reed. I passed on him because he's too well known. And my post on him proves his notoriety by still remaining one of my most read posts. So being a champion for the underrated, I decided to choose a porn model that I've written about, but doesn't get enough praise for his sex appeal. For this reason, I chose Alexi.

None of the people were not going to be their natural color. However, I still wanted the models I used to be of various skin colors. So since I already had a White male with Alexi, I now wanted models of color for the gay man and the straight woman. With that in mind, since I would mind having this as a fantasy, I chose myself to be the gay man. And as my straight woman, I chose my current fantasy girl, the ever so beautiful and bootylicious, Sofia Vergara. And these were the pictures of each model I used as a guide to draw the physiques.

With all that said, how did the final creation turn out, you ask?

Well, you'll just have to come out 1 night during the run of the exhibit and find out for yourself. I'll be at the opening reception, so if you see me, say "Hello".

SINCE THIS TIME HAS PASSED, SEE THE FINISHED WORK

HERE.

Come See Me @ The Rainbow Book Fair

Gay media with its incessant fluff pieces that overrate the superficial and underrate the necessary insist on making gays "play the victim" by constantly reporting on suicides believed to be caused by bullying - which gives someone besides ourselves the power and responsibility of weathering through our personal storms.

Well, instead of following gay media's credo in giving someone else the power, I say let's EMPOWER OURSELVES, AND FIGHT OUR OWN DEMONS. I wouldn't be alive today, if I didn't practice what I am preaching. Hence why I wrote the poem "3-31-41" dedicated to those who are where I could have been had I not fought those demons, and been blessed to win against them.

So if you're in NYC this Saturday, with my being scheduled as the last reader in the 2 -3 PM slot of the Rainbow Book Fair's Poetry Salon, it would be nice to meet you, and have you see me as you hear this story told through poetry dedicated to those in our community that we are or have lost to denial-driven deaths. Be that denial-driven death be figuratively by their lifestyle choice of hiding, or literally by suicide.

My hope is that this poem helps those questioning themselves.

For gay media seems to have in a way forgotten them.

I hope to see you there.