Gay Pornstars,...Our Gay Super Heroes?

Every live appearance I made during my time as porn actor, "Tré Xavier", I never fully understood why patrons were treating me like I was some kind of superhero, or a god. Granted this was between 2005 and 2009, so I partly understood because being gay was still not as accepted in the mainstream as it is today. Therefore, gay porn was a gay male's only outlet. Making gay media hail any guy sexually expressing his homosexuality for all to see to be a "coming out' hero. Even though that was the case, I still always said to myself, "So what if I'm a sexually liberated individual? So what if I'm an exhibitionist? I'm not a god, so I shouldn't be treated as such."

If I said that to myself back then, you know that I'm definitely saying it now. For the porn scene has changed for the worst since 2005. In fact, it is that change that caused me to announce my retirement from the industry in 2009. But the change has gotten so bad now, that not only do I have no understanding at all of why pornstars are held up like heroes of sexual freedom in our community, but I am also straight up disgusted by it.

The reason being that when I was doing studio-based porn, there was a 50% chance that a porn actor was also an escort (or male prostitute). One reason that made me leave the industry was because I felt that percentage was rising. And I was right. It has now risen so much that you can find about 90% of porn actors with profiles on sites like Rentboy, RentMen, HourBoy, etc. or advertising their escorting services on websites for sex hook-ups. And contrary to what some may try to mislead you by telling you, as I recently said in this Facebook update, there is no sexual freedom in prostitution (or the sugar-coated word, escorting):

One reason I started doing porn was because at that time it was the only way a male questioning his orientation could see another male comfortable with his homosexuality. With that in mind, my plan was to be paired with guys showing real attractions, not fake ones. For hardcore porn isn't the fake sex in "Brokeback Mountain". Hardcore porn has the guys in front of that camera going all the way. Also, I wanted to use various forms of media to tell those questioning males, "If being gay is what you are, it's OK. You don't have to do porn to show it. But it's OK if being gay is the sexual part of you."

The problem was that the gay porn industry didn't care about sending such a message of depth, then or now. Hence the premise of using "gay-for-pay" porn actors that some porn studios are still throwing around as a marketing ploy. And I once pointed out how that denial of themselves has resulted in repeated cases of "gay-for-pay" porn actors being jailed for violent crimes. Meanwhile, questioning gay males continue to live double lives. Or worst, kill themselves because they fear living the lie, and/or leading that double life shown by "gay-for-pay" porn actors.

Add to that so many porn actors being escorts using the same empty-souled, dead-eyed sex in porn scenes as they do when turning a trick, my question is:

Why are we as a whole still making these guys into our gay superheroes?

The soulless sex porn actors have in front of those cameras is nothing to be admired. What they do today (more so than before) is teach our gay males to be empty to get by. Go to that dead place within like a molested child does to get through the abuse. For that is what a prostitute does everytime they turn a trick. With that being the case, are these porn actors of today what we should make our heroes? No, they are not. Yet gay media is quick to post stories praising them, and gay nightlife makes them a draw for their events. Well, the time of porn actors being the heroes of sexual freedom that we need has passed. And that is a reality an older viewer needs to face, and males in what I call "orientation limbo" need to note in order to avoid the confusion while they figure themselves out.

While my porn career consisting of 8 movies, 10 scenes, and 14 scene partners had me having some degree of attraction to most of my scene partners, they were a few where I had to fake my way through the scene. For the guy came off stoned, woman-hating, or a walking negative stereotype. So those few times taught me what a prostitute goes through with practically every trick they turn. Therefore, I'm well aware of how ugly those scenes of mine are.

With that being the case, I have now started taking the stand that I will not go to a bar/club event that promotes a porn actor as their guest or party host. The only time I might reconsider this position is for a charity event. Other than that, they are nothing I want to see. For knowing of their empty sex as escorts off-camera makes the fullness of their on-camera sex questionable. Thereby decimating the beauty of sex a voyeur should take in the sight of, and making them nothing I care to see live.

Since this avoidance to create genuine chemistry is what the gay porn industry has sadly become, I close by asking you again:

Why are gay porn actors STILL treated like our gay superheroes?

Bare & Read Our Bodies

Me reading my poem "Bare & Read Our Bodies" at the erotic open mic event, Titillating Tongues on June 21, 2013. It addresses how the abuse of communications technology is hindering the processes of courting, sustaining, and even closure for relationships, both romantic & platonic.

Gay Pride?!...CHALLENGER - 2 Years Later

Is the gay community still living in a way with ageism, racism, and sexism that makes me feel the need to post my poetry series "CHALLENGER" TWO YEARS LATER?!

Especially Faux Rainbow?

Unfortunately, the answer is YES.

At gay parties, from the bartenders, to the go-go boys, to the advertising, White or maybe light-complexion is the theory of what sells. Meanwhile promoters will claim to be all-inclusive. Really?! And while I can easily name names here, I don't want to diminish how this post can relate to where you live across the globe. So I'll let you fill in the blanks with the names of guilty parties since this blog is read all over the world. Plus, the guilty parties already know who they are where I live. And that guilt riding on them like Atlas holding 2 worlds on this shoulders instead of one is why those promoters that are my age have not aged as well as me, and those that are a good deal younger than me won't age as well. For God (or whatever your belief system calls a higher power) rids the physical and/or mental scars of guilt to those who have enough humanity to not cater to such mean-spirited & overcompensating ostracizing.

While my poem "Elders' Beauty ...From Elders' Strength" addresses the ageism where mainly gay media and advertisers undermine the contributions of our gay forefathers to where were are today, the ageism I'm taking note of now is that of ad campaigns, calendars, and posters, calling for 20-somethings, yet their main audience wherever they're selling to is age 30+. This does not inspire our older gay males to maintain themselves. Instead, it tells our older gay males who happen to be financially well off, "Don't worry about staying fit. For these young, dumb and full of cum teens and 20-somethings, your money and position for them to ride the coattails of will look fit for you." And those who are not financially well-off that their existence is hopeless. So with tactics like this, are we really supposed to be calling ourselves "proud"?!

Unfortunately, my respect for gay media is still for the most part in the toilet. For it's too White-dominated, and the only non-Whites that they allow in are the ones who make little to no noise about the racism present. And if they do ever address the issue, it's never said with enough passion to truly express people's annoyance with the situation. We instead have to settle. Well, I don't take well to having to settle. For my adulthood and intellect deserves the cold, hard truth. But gay media can't give the cold, hard truth, because the most popular gay "news" sites are all owned by the same avoiding, robotic people. So no new and individual ideas surface. Nor can most of these authors on these sites and blogs really be called "writers". For how many times have you gone to a website and all they did is take one story from one website, write a one or two paragraph intro, and post it on their site? All too often. And that author is not a writer. Hell, he/she is not even a blogger. For a blog is an online journal, and an online journal consists of individual ideas. So with this being the case, my respect for gay media will not happen until the media consolidation STOPS. Therefore letting issues like racism, ageism, and sexism be dealt with integrity. Instead of the kid gloves their lapdog so-called "writers" and "bloggers" are addressing it with.

Based on all I have said here, is there anything to have gay pride about? In myself, for the individual I have made myself into, a loud, echoing, glass-shattering HELL YESSSSSSS!!!! However, for our community as a whole, sadly (but honestly) I must say, an equally loud, echoing, glass-shattering NOOOOOO! For I am still witness to too much of the self-destructiveness, pretentiousness, overcompensating, and ostracizing that made made write CHALLENGER in the first place.

And if you are all honest with yourself, you will admit to it as well.

Pornstars Return, WTF For?!

Porn actors are an unstable bunch. It shows up in so many facets of their lives for all to see, and only the equally (or more so) unstable among their fans either refuse to acknowledge it, or acknowledge it, but still pledge loyalty to them. Including in how they announce retirement, leave, then come back soon after. Of course when they leave, few give specific reasons that shows they have little to no intention of coming back like I did. It's their way of trying to save face, and not be ridiculed like they should be if they decide to return. But why come back? Why come back to that desperation for validation when you are on the road to, or have actually have found peace outside of it?

This recent Facebook update of mine will begin my explanation why:

With that said, the "meaningless fame" I'm speaking of outside of porn is the fame some try to acquire as singers or actors. For the songs most of these guys sing are not to inspire needed change. They're usually just another dance beat to add to the many that make our ear drums beg you to stop the torture at bars/clubs. And the lack of intent to inspire needed change can also be said for the movie roles they take on. But even if needed change is their intent in the long run, there's a reason they bail on making it come to fruition, then come back to porn.

That reason being, like I said in my Facebook update, is they miss the fame. To be more exact, porn actors miss the instant fame that their porn careers gave them by just dropping trou, showing their dick (and/or ass), and busting a nut. Fame that's not acquired so easily by turning to music, acting, or even modeling. For you become another fish in a sea of many, and it requires a lot of patience and hard work to stand out.

Now, the following status update that I posted last Tuesday shows that I am always open for a return to porn myself. But there is a major condition, and reason for it:

This status update shows that I am by no means a "hypocrite". With that said, if I was to return, would I bring back the name "Tré Xavier"? Absolutely not. "Tré Xavier" was a persona I created with the intention of doing all in porn that I would never try to do in my personal life. A bit of a sexual crash-test dummy, if you will.

Such as my being a member of the leather community like I was for the movie, "B.L.A.K. (Bruthas Live And Kinky)". Or having sex with a homo-thug like I did in movies for Pitbull Productions.

Even if I do return to porn, my audience now knows me as LeNair Xavier. I am not catering to audience mental instability like Brent Corrigan is by being Brent Corrigan in porn, do indie films as Seal Paul Lockhart, then marketing himself again as Brent Corrigan. I am LeNair Xavier, proud of who I am now with that name. And if you're a fan worth your weight in gold, there's no need to put on a see-saw or revolving door of names. I can welcome you on any journey I take with that name.

No longer wanting to be that dummy because of servitude to the industry that comes with being a porn actor is why I won't be making a return to studio-based porn. You'll just have to keep enjoying the occasional video I post on XTube, Pornhub, and the like. For obviously, my aforementioned condition under which I would return is one that I seriously doubt any porn studio would take me up on. So should I return to studio-based porn, it would be totally unexpected,...mostly by me.