Post-Porn Poetry Salon, Then Getting Naked

I have said many things against the gay porn industry. And it's not out of jealousy of others who are or were more successful in it as some like Diesel Washington and Micah Brandt would like to insinuate. Because truth be told, part of my decision to retire is because I saw that the more successful one is in the porn industry, the more of a slave they become. Whether it be a slave to a porn company, being a kept male, or a slave to the sex industry overall. And since it is an industry that is only profitable for you when you are young and/or have the looks to get by, the fact is neither of those 2 last forever. Therefore, it is safe to say that I got out before my looks faded from the stress. I can't say before age caught up to me, because even though I have a stamina that either keeps up with or outlast many 20-somethings, Father Time is a power no human can run from.

With all that said, one would think that I regret my time in the porn industry when it is quite the contrary. The truth is all of my words against the porn industry is not out of regret. Instead, they are because the industry is NOT what it should be - a playground for exhibitionists as originally intended. However, if it wasn't for it becoming more and more the commercials for prostitutes that it has become, I wouldn't have had the stories like those told in my poetry series, "The Industry". For now, a domino effect has taken place that I must now proudly report.

As I said in a previous post, the morning after my reading of "The Industry" I got an email from an audience member inviting me to be part of various events. One of those events was the Poetry Salon at the Rainbow Book Fair that I recently announced and took part in this past Saturday at the LGBT Center. I was aware that each poet had a 5-minute window. What I wasn't aware of was how that 5-minute window could include more than 1 poem. So the 1 poem I read was a poem I wrote back in 2005 called "Decision Ride".

To tell you what a "Decision Ride" is, it is the name I gave to a tryst that someone who claims to be straight but is in some degree of "orientation limbo" uses to figure out if they are truly straight, gay, or some degree of bisexual. In the poem, I let it be known as to whether or not I'm willing to be a guy's decision ride and what factors must (or must not) be in play to influence my decision of YAY or NAY.

I was considering posting the poem here today with this post, but I decided against it. Because that would be me giving you the milk for free, when you should have bought the cow with the little donation of transit fare. After all, it was a free event.

My friend who got me into all of this introduced me to a few people, and my shy self actually got up the nerve to make some new contacts on my own with a couple of LGBT publishing companies and magazines at the Rainbow Book Fair. I did this by presenting my story of my late coming out, and my porn past that followed. I don't want to give away any names here as to who I spoke to, so I don't jinx my chances of something coming to fruition.

So it is safe to say that I had a very good day at The Rainbow Book Fair. It is a shame though that this is the only one in the country. At the Poetry Salon's After-Party at Elmo, I mentioned in a conversation with a woman from one of the lesbian publishing companies that maybe one of the companies there could start one in their area. I got the idea from the way the Gay Erotic Expo would always have one in California and a week or two later, one in New York.

And my post-porn journey doesn't stop there.

My friend also got me in contact with the head of the Leslie/Lohman Erotic Drawing Studio, and I will be modeling nude for one of their drawing classes within the next couple of weeks. The last time I did modeling like this was back in 2006 when I posed for the Erotic Art Fair, possibly in that very same room the Rainbow Book Fair was held. So while studio-based porn ignored the good my exhibitionist spirit can bring, it is still getting a chance to be on display. And as an artist myself, I'm glad to do it in this environment. One that I have an even more personal appreciation for.

So one night of me telling the mess the porn industry and the people in it are has led me to this road. Where it will lead, I don't know. But one thing is for sure, it is better than where staying in the gay porn industry was leading.

And for that reason, HATE ON, HATERS! HATE ON!

Because the gay porn industry served some purpose. Now, I'm moving on and I feel I'm going up in the process.

Write That Down #32

I was born and raised in the United States of America. And I have grown fully aware that this country has gotten to the prosperity that it has achieved because of the combined efforts of the many cultures and ethnicities that have called it "home" for generations after generations. While some cultures and ethnicities were brought here by force, I believe God allowed it to happen, so from that point of travesty, we can show our greatness by uniting, and treating one no better than the other.

Since this is the U.S.A., people being so close-minded that they can't find beauty in skin-colors other than their own says that there is a sickness in their mind. We see it in all forms of media and entertainment everyday, even in casting notices for plays where the situations are in no way ethnically-specific calling for a certain color in their casting. And in ethnically-diverse cities like New York, you see people on the street and with social networking site profiles that only have one color and/or shade. These people practicing modern-day segregation should be ashamed of themselves and their existence. For we have something to learn from each other, and these people are thumbing their noses at that opportunity.

For this reason, my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:


If you live in the USA, especially in a multi-ethnic area, and you're white with only white friends, black with only black friends, Asian with only Asian friends, Latin with only Latin friends, etc., since you hate befriending and admiring the beauty of variety that God created so much, then you need go back to your "motherland", and be a worthless existence THERE!


I'm just stating the obvious.

Reply To "White Cocks Only"

In my recent post, "Next To Me: About Black Gay Porn", I mentioned being interviewed for a piece in Next Magazine. Well, the article was recently featured in their Sex Issue. While I was happy with the parts of what I said that the author Dustin Fitzharris used in the piece, there were some things that I must address.

For starters, for me personally I HATE the fact that I was referred to as "...African-American..." I don't hold Dustin responsible for this, for I never made it clear to him. But my reason for my being against that term is because I am not. I don't give a rat's ass about using the term that is considered "politically correct". The fact is I am a Black man. The term "African-American" puts something on me that if I did not OK it, I do not accept it ---LIMITATIONS. And the reason I am not OK with it, therefore don't accept it is because I have a known ethnic background of African/Native American/Venezuelan heritage and God knows what else, and I LOATHE the term "African-American" because it erases the presence of that mix. Some traits of which are very obvious to those who are aware of differences in hair-grade, skin tone, and bone structure based on ethnicity. And if I went to Africa right now, they would not accept me as African because of those differences, and rightfully so.

Now, for the other things I must address, they come from the others who were interviewed. All of whom I GREATLY disagree with and am appalled by what they have said. Starting with the likes of mixed Randy Blue model, Micah Brandt and the website's talent coordinator, A. Bee.

Randy Blue may have 3 Blacks on contract, but that doesn't change the fact of how there is racism that both of these people deny. To give the reasoning that they gave for the shortage of Blacks in gay porn by both Micah Brandt and A. Bee shows them to be one of 3 things:

a)2 bonafide dumbasses,

b) 2 blind mice, or

c) 2 mice pretending to be blind to the writing on wall by kissing their boss' ass saying obvious untruths to keep them employed, which leads them back to being Choice (a). In short, SELL-OUTS.

As always, I will explain how this is so.

Micah Brandt said in the article, "Maybe they have to prove a little bit more than other people that they deserve to be where they are, but I feel the industry is pretty good about giving everyone their chance.”

Micah Brandt's stupidity is shown in this statement because the FACT is that if there was no racism, there would be no reason for Blacks to prove themselves anymore than Whites. The FACT that they must go that extra mile is THE PROOF of how there is racism. 

It's pathetic when someone, especially a person of color refuses to admit to the racism that is happening right before his/her very eyes. So that not only applies to Micah Brandt, it also applies to Randy Blue's talent coordinator, A. Bee, a Black lesbian who in the article says, “Most black guys will tend to go to black sites because that’s what they know”. 

Now referring to women in the manner I'm about to is something I normally deplore, but when the shoe fits, I will make you wear it. For that statement is the beginning to show how A. Bee's initials of "A.B." should stand for "Asswipe Bitch". Because that statement shows how she has buried her face so deep in Randy Blue's ass while kissing it that she has allowed the shit stuck on Randy Blue's ass to blind her to the truth. That truth being that so many Blacks apply to Black sites because what they truly know is that if they want to be in porn, that is the best chance they have. For I am a prime example of this. 

I NEVER wanted to work for a site like Pitbull Productions, or consider an alliance with sites like FlavaWorks and Chocolate Cream where most of their models foolishly associate maintaining their "blackness" with coming up with "thug names" instead of names that can be thought of as actually being real. But after countless tries to contact more "mainstream" companies and false promises made by some of them, sites like Pitbull and FlavaWorks is what I was exiled to having wanting me, and keeping a relationship with. And I'm sure that I am not the only Black gay porn performer with such a tale to tell. And so NO ONE can use it as an excuse, let me make it clear that this was BEFORE I started speaking out on the racism in the industry. In fact, that is what provoked my speaking out.

A. Bee also says in the article, “It also comes down to where you live and your upbringing. A lot of black people have strong family ties and feel like they could never do something like this.”

The idea of Blacks having stronger family ties, while an admirable trait, it is used as the common scapegoat excuse for porn companies reasons for not hiring Black models. Randy Blue and Michael Lucas are just 2 of many examples. But A. Bee is another figure at Randy Blue whose so-called point can be ripped apart. Because the fact is that if Blacks have such strong family ties, then why are there so many Blacks in the porn industry, even if they are (some exiled to partake) in ethnic porn?

Also, my family ties are quite strong and my family have long been aware of my being in porn. And I’m sure I am not the only one. Therefore, all of these porn companies need to stop using “Blacks’ strong family ties” as an excuse. So this post is my grenade of truth to stick in these liars’ asses so that they’re are ripped a new hole so that all the bullshit that they are talking falls out without blockage.

And stick one in Michael Lucas as well.

Michael Lucas is famous for putting a spin on things...when it serves him. So much so that the many weak-minded will believe that he makes a good argument. Such as his claims of how he knows for a fact that Blacks are more homophobic. He needs to make his viewpoints born from the narrow-mindedness of his kept lifestyle kept quiet.

Blacks are no more homophobic than any other ethnicity. The fact is that Blacks are more honest about their homophobia, than maybe Whites and Latinos. And the reason Blacks are more honest about their homophobia is because it is not as profitable for Blacks to hide their homophobia or internalize it the same way it is for Whites and Latinos to be dishonest about theirs. Case in point, you have White CEOs of companies who display homophobia, then change their rules over fear of losing the profit coming from the large amount of "gay dollars", that they are probably calling "faggot dollars" behind our backs. Also you have an overload of "gay-for-pay" themed websites featuring White and Latino males, which is obvious internalized homophobia. Need I bring to your attention names like Wolf Hudson, Kurt Wild and Jeremy Bilding. Wolf Hudson who claims to be straight started out with the blatino porn company, Big City Video, while Kurt Wild and Jeremy Bilding are Whites who both at one time or another for Michael Lucas. While Kurt Wild is now (thank goodness) retired, Jeremy Bilding uses the name "Ryan Driller" in his straight porn work. Whether it's Bilding or the video company that advised the name changing between gay and straight porn, it is still a White person's homophobia that won't allow him to use the same name for both orientations of porn.

A concern of mine with the article overall is that I don’t feel that not enough Black porn actors were interviewed. If so, some of the things I addressed in that piece and in this one would have very much more than likely be confirmed. Instead making a piece about the lack of Blacks in gay porn start and end with Michael Lucas makes Next Magazine look like they were bought off to give Michael Lucas a platform to act like the god who is working to save gay porn that the typical American gay male has made him out to be. And believing such misconceptions of him being so great is another way of how the typical American gay male is his own worst enemy.

To make clear my reason for suspecting Next Magazine of being bought off is because Michael Lucas has been allowed to write for Next Magazine before, meanwhile I have emailed Next Magazine MANY blog posts addressing social issues within the LGBT community, and I have been repeatedly overlooked, until now. Some may say that I should take what I could get. I’m sorry, but I can’t be silent without taking Next Magazine and others to task. Because the LGBT community is in crisis and  unable to progress due to the in-fighting over issues like racism, ageism, and even sexism kept silent by the gay media. And this one whisper, while highlighting good strong points that I made, still made me out to be a minority within a minority, which doesn’t do justice to the many Black members of the gay community. Therefore, it doesn’t do justice to ALL members of the gay community.

It is for these reasons that I left the gay porn industry. But to see my meaningful stands are pushed aside for Michael Lucas’ superficiality in not just Next Magazine, but other publications as well, it makes people question, “Why be gay?” Why be gay when your statement of depth gets swept under the rug to make room for someone who buys their way into voicing superficiality? Why be gay when such actions make Janet Boynes from “Our America with Lisa Ling: Pray the Gay Away?” look like she knows what she talking about by condemning being gay? Why be gay when my video addressed to Janet Boynes’ perceptions about gays goes unnoticed by all the gay media outlets that I tried contacting?

The fact that I fear asking myself such questions that I’m sure others are as well is why I have moved on the way I have. With such annoyances giving birth to my poetry series, “The Industry”, which led to my upcoming appearance at The Rainbow Book Fair this Saturday. So with the lemons I’ve been given, I am making some fuckin’ GREAT lemonade. But it doesn’t lessen my concern this article ignites as to who the heads of gay media give a platform to, …and why.

Next Magazine Article - White Cock Only

In a previous post, "Next To Me: About Black Gay Porn", I mentioned doing an interview for Next Magazine. Well, the article is now in their recent Sex Issue. Please go to the link below, as I am working on a post to further some of what I said in the interview and to address the comments made by others interviewed.

http://nextmagazine.com/feature-article/white-cock-only


UPDATE: See my reply "Reply To 'White Cocks Only'"