Sex Party Etiquette: Don't Rape Your Fellow Guests!

For some time, I had been volunteering at the sex party mentioned as Olympus, but now known as Edge. It had been quite awhile since I had any fun there because of a certain staffer was getting a bit militant trying to tell me how to do my simple job when the fact is that I was there doing it before he showed up. Between that and seeing how he behaved with other volunteers and guests, it got to the point one night that I contemplated never returning.

With Edge being actually a combination of parties (therefore more variety), I decided to give it another try. That staffer must have gotten a talking to of some kind, because I haven't had or seen any of his annoying ways since. So I was finally starting to come and have fun again.

One night there recently, I had more fun than I've had there in a long, long, long, long time. I was loving the variety of guys that I fooled around with. One was a guy that I later discovered was Brazilian. I was watching him for quite awhile fuck a few guys, and he was a pleasure to watch.

At one point, I saw him standing on the side, and we made eye contact. I walked over to him, and like many before him, my ass became his most desired part of me to grab. After making out for a bit, I made my way from kissing his chest, his stomach, tonguing his belly button, then down to suck his cock. The way his shaft muscles were contracting, I thought a couple of times that he was going to come in my mouth. So to avoid that, I got back on my feet and made out with him some more. I turned around to let his cock rub against my ass. Then eventually I took us over to the bed so we could fuck.

He put on a condom while I put on lube. He let out this loud pleasure moan as soon as he got inside me. That made a crowd form before he even started thrusting. He fucked me missionary, then doggy-style. While I was getting fucked doggy-style, I saw another bottom line up next to me. So now, there were 2 couples fucking side by side. The Brazilian stopped and pulled out. I thought that he was taking a break. Then my 6th sense felt a presence behind me. I figured it was the Brazilian coming back for more, but then my 6th sense picked up a strange vibe along with that presence. That strange vibe was then followed by the feeling of a thicker cock trying to enter my ass. I know I have a resilient hole that closes up so soon after pulling out that it makes a guy feel like he's been fucking Wolverine of the X-Men, but my 6th sense knew something was off.

My 6th sense knew that this was not the Brazilian.

I turn around a bit to discover that it was a muscular Black guy who had tried getting at me earlier in the night, but I wasn't interested.

My lack of interest I'm sure was born from a couple of things:
(1) As I've said here often, that image of dark-skinned muscular Black males with savage-like sexual aggression is an image shoved down our throats so much, that in my need for individuality, I've become indifferent to it. I'm not saying that it's impossible for such a Black male to have me. I've written of occurrences where it has. However, if I get the vibe that you're playing a role that's expected of you because of you having that physique, THEN I'm turned off. Which leads to;
(2) my remembering how this guy approached me earlier in the night. I saw him, but the vibe I got from him made me have no interest. And he proved me right by doing like the desperado trolls at a sex party who repeatedly touch on you after you've either politely move their hand or straight up said "No, thank you", but then escalates to you having to move away whenever they come by.

I didn't want him before, so he was hoping to take advantage of the fact that he sees me as a bottom with my back to him.

I am well-aware that at some sex parties, there are bottoms who stay on all-fours for almost the entire duration of the party offering themselves to be poked by whomever. But not every bottom is that low in their self-esteem. However, there are some tops who take the idea of a bottom being in what some may call a "submissive" position too far. For being a bottom does not mean that one's ass must submit to every hard dick wanting a hole to poke. For a bottom is still a human being. Therefore, that human being has THE RIGHT OF CHOICE.

The problem is hoping that a bottom would deny himself that right after a previous dismissal of your advances, even at a sex party, has you bordering on being a rapist.

So how did I respond to this situation? I looked back and saw that Black guy, got up, and stood against the wall. The Brazilian realized that I got up, and stopped fucking the other guy, and came over to me. He apologized, we kissed, made up, and I gave him another condom, and went back to us fucking.

Now, I don't fault the Brazilian totally, because he didn't know of my past run-ins with that Black guy that night. Although, I do feel that if you are going to do a switch, some sign should be realized beforehand of all tops involved being hungry for all bottoms involved, AS WELL AS all bottoms involved being hungry for all tops involved. I've taken those precautions in a switch where I was the top. And I don't think I'm understanding because I've spent so much time as a bottom. I think I'm understanding of the need to take that measure because even in my most sexually aggressive of moments, I still maintain the humanity it takes to look out for my bottom.

If you don't, you would have a situation where one or more parties are NOT happy as they should be at a sex party. A situation that's opposite the "changing of the guards" that took place in the 5-man orgy scene I did in "69 Fuck Street":

If you've seen this movie in its entirety, then you know that I got fucked by my 2nd top in this scene, Jake Corwin in the 1st scene of the movie, and was quite pleased with him then. Therefore, it's more than safe to assume that him having another go at me was no problem.

Keep that in mind the next time you are at a sex party or orgy and consider doing a switch.

Party Sex In Rainbows

When I uploaded the picture on your right to Twitpic, the caption I made for it said:

Maybe not this position, but a lot of my sex starts like this....light-complexioned hands on my ass. ;-)


Well last weekend at the Milk Chocolate NYC party, this was one night where a variety of colored hands were on my ass starting off the sex. I've written about some trysts there before, but this one being on the heels of my poetry reading, reminded me of one particular poem from that poetry reading. So much so that this was a story I had to tell.

Once there, I went to the upstairs party area. I saw this tall, slim, and young White guy bent over getting fucked by more built White guy of average height. I didn't know who I wanted to be more, the top or the bottom. The top didn't seem interested in me. He wasn't rude by doing something like throwing my hand off the very second I touch him like the most racist in faggotry do. Instead, he just didn't react, so I took the hint. The tall and slim bottom however, reached for my now hard cock, and after the other White guy fucked him, he went down on me. And he was good. In fact, I seem to have found a good number of guys who can give good head lately.

It turns out he was there with an older guy. The older guy knew I wanted to fuck his young friend, and he let me. I suited up, and pounded his ass. The more I felt his smooth soft cheeks, and looked down to see them bounce from my thrusts, the more I couldn't decide if I should fuck him to the point of cumming, regardless of the fact that I hadn't been at the party for even 30 minutes yet. I did know that if I did shoot a load this fuck-a-round, that my stamina was good enough to easily go for Round 2 as a bottom, or a top. But while I decided not to fuck to the point of shooting a load, the sight and feel of that beautiful ass and his moans did make me fuck him harder before calling it quits on him.

While I was fucking the young White guy, a dark-skinned Black guy about my height and build who was getting sucked off reached over and started rubbing on my chest. In that dim light, he obviously had a vibe that made an impression on me. Because after fucking the White guy, I washed myself off a bit. I then went back into the room, and the Black guy was standing against the wall while a group of guys were gathered on and around the bed. I saw the Black guy, considered him, but in my being draw to group sex, I went over to the bed instead. But even then, the Black guy was on my mind the entire time.

I saw the group around the bed, and for once found myself not wanting to be in the midst of the sexual clutter. So I went back to the Black guy, but by this time a White guy was fooling around with him. So I leaned up against the wall and watch. Obviously the Black guy still wanted me, because he brought me into the mix to where he was now sandwich between me and the White guy, with the White guy against the wall, and him facing me. While the White guys was touching us both and I was enjoying it, this time, again for once, I was getting the feeling that 3 hot guys together (even though into each other) was a crowd. I guess the White guy felt the same, because he slipped out from against the wall, and left us to ourselves. And I think we must have both wanted that, because that's when we really went at each other.

What was odd about this intense attraction for me was that fact that he was dark-skinned. It's not that I don't find dark-skinned guys attractive. But as I've said before, my artistic eye is drawn to the color contrast, so I usually go for guys lighter than myself. But I have repeatedly said that I would never rule out the possibility of being with a guy my complexion or darker. Well, this night put me to a test that I never saw coming.

He rubbed my chest, and I rubbed his. I worked my way down to his ass, and OH MY GOD!!!! It was so nice and juicy. Then he started to feel my ass in return. Usually in a make-out session, my ass gets grabbed first. So he turned the tables, and I was loving it. His dick was rock-hard, and I kept making out with him. But in all honesty, I wanted to fuck. My making out was really 2 things: (1)getting up the nerve to say that I wanted to fuck NOW, and (2)buying time to decide that once given the green-light, which position do I offer to be for him first, top or bottom.

I took a risk, and offered to be his bottom. This is a risk, because usually after being a bottom with a versatile guy who wants a flip-fuck, my knack for picking good tops makes me get fucked so good and hard that I'm in no mood (or sometimes no condition) to top afterwards. So for me to bottom then top, like I did in my video "Tre Xavier with Lucky Irish" is a rarity.

He asked if I had a condom, and I reached into my sock and got one, as well as my Wet lube - all of which I brought from home, because I don't care much for the Lifestyle lube that they have there. I lubed up his cock a bit bare, then again with the condom on. Then I put lube on my ass and prepare my mind for his nice-sized cock. I laid on my back to be fucked missionary so I could grab that ass while getting fucked. Because of my tight hole, it took him awhile to get in because he wasn't 100% hard. Once in, for whatever reason, he couldn't stay hard. I thought maybe being in missionary wasn't working for him, so I opted for doggy-style. He got hard, but still couldn't stay hard. But I still wanted in that ass, so I prepped my cock the same way I prepped his.

My dick was like a heat-seeking missile that night. Because like the White guy, he also had a nice tight hole that was followed by a tunnel warm to my cock. Between that warmth and the sight of his 2 dark chocolate-covered pear-shaped ass cheeks surrounding my dick, I couldn't help but bang the fuck out of him. This was another sweet hole that I had to pace myself with or else I was going to bust a but soon after entry. So I did him the same way I did the tall, slim White guy earlier - gave him some even harder bangs, then called it quits. He apologized for his hard-to-maintain hard-on, and I told him it wasn't a problem. Because there have been days when it has happened to me as well.

Next was a Latino, who was also close to my size and build. We first came in contact while I was making out with someone else who I can't recall because all we did was make out. When me and my make-out partner parted ways, I returned the favor from the Latino and started to suck on him. My mouth was quite shocked to have to open up so wide for this thick dick on this simply toned  and shorter frame. After showing how good my hole above the waist can be to his dick, he decided he wanted his cock to now fill my hole below my waist. So from my sock, another condom and more lube gone, he dressed up his dick, and let me have it. Missionary, doggy-style, and on my stomach - not once, but twice. Even as a versatile guy, who when I bottom is a self-proclaimed power-bottom, I have no idea how I took those 2 passionate poundings from him. And was considering taking more pounding from his big-cocked Latino friend.

Things with his friend didn't work out. After I wash off a bit, I came back to find another guy was sucking him off. He made eye contact with me to show that his plan was to fuck me after. However, after the guy stopped sucking on him, he went to the restroom. While he was in the restroom, after thinking he would be a no-show, a fuck-buddy that I had invited to the party finally showed up. My fuck-buddy started sucking me off. Then the other Latino came back and wound up occupied elsewhere. My fuck-buddy was making me hornier by the second. Especially after seeing an Asian guy come up behind him, and start fucking him while he was sucking me off. So after that, I wanted my turn at his hole.

My fuck-buddy is about a year older than me, and has an amazing body, which includes a hot dancer's butt. I fucked him doggy-style while he sucked off another guy on the bed. Neither of us came. The party was winding down, so we decided to leave. Once outside, my fuck-buddy invited me over to his place, and I accepted.

We got back to his place, and had some glasses of white wine, talked for a bit. Then he put on some music, and did what we always do - fucked like rabbits. This time, he was the top. He fucked me so good, then when he was about to come, I tightened my sphincter around his dick to squeeze out every last bit of his jizz.

The next morning, as with most guys I've slept with (be they a trick or a guy I'm dating), I was the first to wake up. Once he made a turn and saw me awake, he started playing with my cock. He made me get rock-hard, then straddled me as I laid on my back, and put my cock in his ass. We took turns between me thrusting hard into his hole, and him riding my cock. He was jerking off the entire time, and when he shot his load, he leaned back to let it shoot on his stomach. Afterwards, he got up to clean off, but not before I took some of his cum to use it as lube to jerk off.

While feeling his hot body, it didn't take long for me to shoot. And I shot my load all the way up to my chest. It had to be the tension I had built up from me having a night of living the dream sex I talk about in my poem "Sex In Rainbows". Because I walked into the sex party and right away I dipped my chocolate into the vanilla of a White guy, then went to the sweetest dark chocolate brown in a Black guy, then went to a boost from tasting the mocha brown coffee of a Latino. So this was a night where I lived the motto of a Skittles commercial and "tasted the rainbow". Although this rainbow was more like one you would find at Starbucks, it still had some sweet flavors that we all should not deny ourselves of feasting on.

Maybe then we'll be deserving of the equality so many of us keep demanding. For then, we'll be practicing what we preach.

@PINK 2.0 - The Silence That Spoke Volumes

Last Tuesday, I attended PINK 2.0 LGBT Media and Marketing - Past, Present & Future at the LGBT Center in NYC. Considering how I've mention the lack of diversity in LGBT media in past blog posts, I felt this event was the perfect opportunity for me to try and get some answers.

I came to find out that this discussion was being held in Room 310. That made for a table-turning moment, because on this night I was walking into the room as an audience member. However, just 11 days prior, ---- I was walking into Room 310 as the speaker on the stage, for that's the same room I did my poetry reading of "The Industry".

I knew my question, but I wasn't sure of how to word it. I finally figured out how on the subway train ride over. And even by the time the train got to my stop, I still wasn't finished writing it down. Therefore, it wasn't truly memorized. Once inside, I finished writing my question down. When the discussion became open for questions, I didn't want to be reading from a paper. But something told me that once I opened my mouth, the words would just flow. It turns out that I was right.


My question was:
With the demand for equality from the straight mainstream being infused into the many forms of LGBT media and marketing, do you find it to be false advertising considering how LGBT media and marketing doesn't practice equality itself by portraying beauty and intellect to come from only Whites and light-complexions within the community?

Since the question made a lightbulb go off for the moderator, NBC New York's weekend meteorologist, Raphael Miranda, I'm sure it went off for others in the room as well. And it is probably going off for some of you as you read this blog post. So considering the way-too-long neglected dissension within the LGBT community, I'm glad to have brought forth a long overdue question.

Now, as far as who answered it, There were FIVE (5) panelists.


The panelists were:

DAVID BLOCH - Focus Features, SVP Marketing
MICHELLE KRISTEL - Executive Director of In The Life Media, Producer of "In The Life"

AMY LESSER - Editor of Go Magazine: The Premiere Lesbian Magazine
QUINCY MORRIS - Creator of the new web series, "In Between Men"
JOSH ROSENZWEIG - Here Media, SVP Integrated Marketing

I must say that I was quite disappointed to see that of those 5 panelists...ONLY 1 answered.

That one was Quincy Morris, creator and executive producer of "In Between Men".

This did not sit well with me, and I will get back to explain why in a moment. But first, I will give you the short version of Qunicy's answer.

Quincy said that since the lead character was based on himself  that he was originally looking to cast a Black male as the lead character of "In Between Men". (Had I known about this role, I might have auditioned) Anyway, he either wasn't able to find many Black males who were comfortable with playing the intimacy involved for the role and/or those auditioned were missing something needed for the role. However, the actor who was reading with those who auditioned, Nick Matthews, did have what the role required. So it was a Catch 22 - casting someone totally based on race, even when the part is not necessarily race specific, OR cast someone who brings what is needed to the role. And understandably so, Quincy chose the latter.

Quincy and myself talked for a bit after the discussion, and while I thanked him for being the only one who answered my question, he in return commended me on asking a good question. During our conversation, we realized that we shared a lot of the same annoyances with portrayals of men of color (or lack thereof) in gay media.

This conversation led to me taking Quincy up on his invitation to go to the website, and email him there if I saw fit. Once there, I did send in a couple of follow-up questions. Which were:
How well-received has "In Between Men" been thus far? And if it has been well-received, do you think it would still be as well-received if your original stated intent to cast a Black male as your lead would have come to fruition?

Quincy replied back. It reads:
Hi LeNair!

It was a pleasure mtg you at the panel discussion this past week. Thanks for making it out.  I would love to answer a couple questions for you.  I am cc'ing my publicist in this email just so he is aware I am answering questions for a public media platform since this will be on your blog. No worries, it just so he is aware.

In Between Men (IBM) has been received extremely well. I initially just wanted to diversify the landscape by offering a true representation of many gay men that be found very easily in the media.  The show has resonated with many men who feel the same way I do.  People are grateful and excited that this show has reached consciousness, gay and straight alike.  The show is being watched in over 100 countries around the world, and I get emails on a daily basis from places like Iran, Serbia, Africa, and obviously the US thanking us for the show and how excited they are about it and how much they love it.  The audience continues to grow.

I am completely confident that the show would have been successful with a black male lead.  One of the things that people love about the show and what makes it different than any other show with a gay theme, is that it is so accessible and relatable.  I can only imagine that greater diversity would only allow it to be even more accessible and relatable. And ultimately the stories being told are ones that we all can relate to as gay men.  They are stories that in one way shape or form represent things that affect all of us and that the daily life these men live are not exclusive to African American men alone. I live by the philosophy that we have way more in common than differences in this world, no matter what our background.

Like Quincy, I do believe that we have more in common than we do have differences. It is the reason that during my time in studio-based porn that I've always challenged companies and websites to stop acting as if scenarios were race-specific. And with that, I also believe that Quincy is right about people accepting it regardless of the ethnicity of the lead character. I hope we are not wrong on either belief. However, if we are wrong on the latter, then that means that the American LGBT community has more growing up to do than any of us imagined.

This leads to my getting back to why Quincy being the only one to answer my question did not sit well with me.


It is because the panel was comprised of people from different forms of LGBT media and marketing. David Bloch works in film, Michelle Kristel works in public television and online media, Amy Lesser works in print, and Josh Rosenzweig works in cable television. Therefore, ALL OF THEM should have had something to add. Part of me feels that it was my mistake as an interviewer when I ended my question by saying how either one OR all of them could answer. Because it in some way gave them that chance to duck the question. However, anyone who was in attendance can tell you how they were quick to show off their egos over expertise in their individual mediums on other questions. So the fact that they were so quick to display the "Oh, it's a race question - let the Black guy handle it" mentality by allowing Quincy Morris to be the only one to respond to my question tells all of us about how many members of that panel live with an unevolved naiveté.

Well, they need to be informed of reality. For the reality is that...


....Segregation and racism are not "minority" issues. They are HUMAN issues.

If you ever wonder why there is such separatism within the LGBT community, and why the refusal to take part in gay rights functions is so prevalent amongst gays who are Black, Latino, Middle Eastern and Asians ----the answers lied in the silence of the other panelists. For that silence spoke volumes as to how we do not feel represented because WE ARE NOT REPRESENTED.

And if we are represented, it is marginally so.

Proof of this is just as simple as a stroll out into the hallway of the LGBT Center, and picking up most of the magazines out there, or going to a newsstand and picking up a gay news magazine. Or by turning on your television and watching the gay cable channel, Logo. Or going to a gay news website. Or seeing which gay films get most often described as "beautiful" and/or "smart". Each of these forms of gay media and marketing display the LGBT community as a community living in a mindset prior the Civil Rights Movement thinking that beauty and intellect come primarily from Whites and people of light-complexions.

Well, if that was really the case, then I wouldn't be able to be so eloquent in either case of asking my questions at PINK 2.0, or making this overall observation in this report. Now would I?

I have repeatedly said on this and other blogs, if we are to make demands from our oppressors, then we must be better than our oppressors.

Many minorities have all too often seen a White or light-complexioned gay activist or performer praised for something said to a media outlet or post on their blog, when the person of a darker complexion already addressed the same subject matter AND made those media outlets aware of it anywhere from a few months to more than a year prior to them praising that person who is White or light-complexioned. With behavior like that, how is LGBT media showing itself to be better than the oppressors in mainstream media? IT IS NOT.

At the close of the discussion, a hostess advised us to show our support for LGBT media by donating to, buying, and not bootlegging LGBT media. Really?! Why should I donate to television stations that televise shows like "In The Life"? Why should I not bootleg a movie by Focus Features or something on Here! network? Why should a lesbian not photocopy a friend's copy of GO Magazine? Why should I not when I feel that because of their color and/or ethnic background, some forms of LGBT media are giving my fellow members of the LGBT community such limited representation, if any at all?

I hope those panelists, and other members of LGBT media and entertainment get wind of this report, and give some real heavy thought of how they handle their affairs. And really consider what it means for the voice of the LGBT community if some substantial changes aren't made SOON...

...VERY SOON.

for those who been in love how do you know when it hits you? i just want to see how many answers are the same and how many are different

I don't think I've ever been in love. But the closest that I feel that I came to it was with a guy I've mentioned in my blog named Danny.

I can however tell you why I felt that I was in love with him. It was because for me being so highly sexual, for the first time, I felt that no one else would do for me. The sound of his voice on the phone, to the rare occurrence of seeing him in person. And we never had sex. So that's something to think about.

And not to be the bearer of bad news, but it were those rare occurrence of seeing him in person due to a lack of effort on his part that made me realize that I wasn't in love after all, nor should I should be. Because it was obvious that he was not in love with me.

My blog may make me seem like an open book....but maybe I'm not, so ask away ;-)