Sunday, April 22, 2012

Profane Names Break Good Chains

I recently had a falling out with a photographer that I was planning to have a shoot with this past Thursday night. The falling out was over ---a text message. And it has already been written how I'm not a fan of text messaging in my romantic relationship. So you know I'm am not happy if it interferes with my platonic and business relationships.

This photographer, whether it's an IM on Facebook or a text message on my cell phone, always hits me up with a message saying, "Hey".
Then I end up having to reply, "What's is it?"
Then he replies, "What's up?"

Are you seeing how this gets fuckin' annoying real fast?! Especially when he texts you first? Hence why I reply, "You texted me, so what is it?"

You know when a method someone has of doing things that you find a bit annoying in your mind, but once you say it out loud to someone, the reality becomes clear that annoyance needs to be stopped by being addressed? Well, that's what happened with this photographer's game of "Text Tag". I was over at Mom's house, chatting with her before Sunday dinner, and when he texted me a message of "Hey", I voiced my annoyance of this routine to my Mom.

Now people need to stop being selfish and look at the big picture of situations. In this case, maybe I can't afford a wasted text message because:
1) not everyone's cell phone plan has unlimited text messaging;
2) my phone battery could be dying with no way to recharge it; or
3) maybe I'm in the middle of something and I don't have the time to do a back and forth of text messaging.

And #3 has happened on many occasions with him doing this. I would be in the middle of working. And the game of "Text Tag" begins. Then I try going back to whatever work I'm doing, but I can't fully concentrate because I got this immature on the other end wanting to play "Text Tag", and because of whatever business we're in the midst of discussing, I'm subconsciously anticipating his response.

This past Tuesday, I was walking through the street after running errands when I got his message saying "Hey" as I was about to head into the train station to finally go home. So instead of replying with the usually "What", I finally decided to address my annoyance with his routine by texting to him these exact words:
Whatever you have to say, say it in your first message. You're wasting my text messages. Thanks.

If I'm correct, that's not being harsh. Well, the message I got from him in return was:
I was going to ask you about thursday night but IF you are going to be a dick forget it

I replied:
I'm not being a dick. You are. Not to mention extremely immature and unprofessional.

And that is the exact spelling and grammar of the text messages. As you can see, I try to have perfect spelling and grammar even in the 160 characters of a standard text message.

Now, was I wrong? Was he not being immature to throw such a fit over my kindly advising him to not waste a text message? And besides him touching himself during my photoshoots with other models, was he again showing unprofessional behavior by his method of getting my attention to discuss business via a text message, and call me a profanity when politely corrected on it?

And that is what pissed me off most about his message was that one word --- "dick".

While I love having my own dick, playing with dick, sucking on dick, and being fucked in my ass with dick, this guy was supposed to be a friend of mine. And I don't care how angry you get with me, or I get with you, unless we want whatever kind of relationship we have to come to a definite end, ...neither one of us are to call the other a profanity (like "dick") EVER!!!

So did it hurt me? No. It ENRAGED ME.

I long ago came to the point where I allowed no human to hurt me. A human can anger me, disappoint me, or anger me because of disappointing me. But only God has the power to hurt me. Because when someone hurts you, that person has been given the power to break your spirit. And even though he was a friend, he did not break my spirit. He just disappointed me, and that brought forth the rage.

A rage that made me in no hurry of smoothing things over. Instead, I immediately texted the other model I had planned to do the shoot with and cancelled. The other model initially wanted to know if I was just rescheduling or totally cancelling the shoot. I told him I was cancelling the shoot. If it was to be rescheduled, then it would be with another photographer. The photographer sent me 2 more text messages that based on the 1st few words I saw of them, the other model got in touch with him, and told him what I said. I never read the entire messages, but I felt one of us had to be the adult. So I replied:
Someone must be the adult here, and I'm letting it be me by not entertaining your tantrums.

The reason I'm telling this story is because we seem to live in a time when people don't know the boundaries of what not to say to a person you consider a friend, lover, or family member, etc. The idea of respecting that person's place in your life is gone. It's very sad. And it's not the 1st time I've seen such behavior. I've seen exes who are supposed to be friends call each other "asshole", which tells me this is how they argued when they were a couple. And if such is the case, then these people really shouldn't be around each other on any level at all.

Such was the case with me and Danny, who my most loyal readers may recall. When we first started speaking in 2003, during our phone conversations, I would stutter out of having so much I wanted to say to him, and having no idea if I would have the time to get it all out. For our constant problem was his dedication to getting to know me was nowhere near as great as mine was to getting to know him. Well, we once had an argument over this. During that argument, he called me a "stuttering asshole". I replied by not only giving the aforementioned reasoning for my stuttering. I also returned fire by calling him an "anorexic bitch" because of his (not slim, but) skinny build at the time. But I wanted to forge a relationship with this guy. I was enamored with every physical aspect I saw of him. So I would have no reason to go to that low with such an insult, unless I was provoked by his disrespect to me.

After we had calmed down, and started talking again, I made it very clear to him that the only reason he was still alive was 2 reasons: 1) he was on the phone when he said it, and 2) at the time, he lived all the way in Middletown, NY.

Trust me, with the way my temper was back then, if he had called me a "stuttering asshole" to my face and/or lived in the 5 borough of NYC then, I would have took a bus, train, or cab, and I don't care if he's 6' 3" and I'm 5' 6", the polite way of saying it is... that it would have been the 2003 version of David and Goliath with me as "David" doing way more damage than a rock between the eyes like the Bible's David.

In my repeat attempts with trying a relationship with Danny, I've always been aware that each attempt lasted less time than the last. But this incident with the photographer has made me realize that part of what made each attempt last for a shorter amount of time may have been because of that one phrase --- "stuttering asshole". Because of all the arguments me and Danny had during our attempts at a relationship, 9 years later, THAT is the profane name directed at me that I remember most. THAT is the profanity that may very well be why after years of not talking, we are at least Facebook friends now...but even though he lives a lot closer in Manhattan as opposed to Middletown, we're not much else to each other. I think I have subconsciously kept him at bay for saying that to me. Because even though I've forgiven him, I obviously have by no means forgotten. And I believe that profanity of "stuttering asshole" directed at me, someone he claimed to care for, chipped away at whatever bond was between us to a point...possibly beyond repair.

And that is what calling a friend, lover, or family member a profanity during a disagreement does to the relationship. It chips away at the bond. Disagreements happen. It's part of human nature. But there is a way to have a disagreement, and still show respect for someone you care for in some capacity. But calling that important person in your life a profanity is a blatant sign of DISrespect that will in time make your friendships, romances, and family ties come undone. To the point that if you don't find the root of what made you fathom being that disrespectful, and correct yourself on it, you are in for a lonely future.


  1. My personal favourite is when someone texts me with "hi"... I respond with "hi yourself"... then -----------silence-----------
    Am *I* supposed to pick up the conversation ball and run with it?? I think not

  2. LOL jk sup, hey hi, how's it goin ; all those r the most annoying, even more so when when tell them what u r doing and ask them what they doing n u get the one word..."chillen" OMFGIH.

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