Un Ballo In Maschera

This is where I'll be ringing in the new year. Why don't you join me?

And since this is my last blog entry for the year 2007, it is the prefect time that I tell you -

Once again, you all have helped to make this a great year for me. Your support through my accomplisments and disappointments show me how truly blessed I am. I hope you show up at this party so I can at the least give every one of you a kiss of thanks. And if you don't show, then whatever you do -

Have a SAFE, therefore FUN & HAPPY NEW YEAR

from beginning to end.

My Tyson Cane Finale - Part 2

If by any chance you can't read those words highlighted, they say"...I run a pilot program where models can learn behind-the-camera."

When I saw this my brain immediately flashed back to my telling him about telling my Mom I do porn, and how he didn't think it was a good idea unless I planned on taking it further by directing or owning my own company. And how when I confirmed that was something I was considering for my future, he said, "You 're not aggressive enough."

I immediately composed an email that I waited until the next day to send, because for touchy matters such as this, I look my emails over and over again to make sure I conveyed my message properly by not being too abrasive, and showing the right degree of diplomacy. The final draft that Tyson Cane received was as follows:

Tyson,

I received a copy of GAYVN in the mail recently, and I read in it a section about you. It stated you saying, ".....I run a pilot program where models can learn behind-the-camera".

Please try to recall this conversation that I recently brought up in my most recent blog:
One day on the set of “The Interview”, I had a conversation with Tyson Cane and vented to him that I was coming close to telling my Mom about my doing porn. ......
His advice was him asking me, why would I want to do that to her. Unless I was looking to get deeper involved in the industry, like as a director or having my own company, I shouldn’t tell her. Which I was considering at the time directing or starting my own company, and still do somewhat (based on some of your comments, I know some of you would like that if I did).

The part that is highlighted is where my question to you comes in. When I told you how directing or starting my own company was something I was considering, why was I not told of this program? Instead, you made the assumption of my character that I wasn't aggressive enough. Being that there are not many minorities in this industry, shouldn't you be encouraging a model's endeavors of progression, and not saying things that could possibly tear down their aspirations?

I am very disappointed at 1)your wrong assumption of me, and even more so 2)the fact that I learned of your program from a magazine, and not from you.

Within 5 minutes, Tyson called me about this email trying to justify his actions. He claimed it for people he feels he "can work with." I did 3 movies under his direction, I think I more than proved myself by my putting up with his flaming crap. He tried to use my not cumming during "The Interview", as how I wasn't someone he couldn't work with. And I was glad he brought that up, because at that moment I realized why I decided not to do a cumshot for him. It was because I had enough of him. He also tried saying that my anger at that moment was why I was difficult to work with, which was complete bullshit. Because I never, ever gave him backtalk of any kind from the day I met him until then. So since he was trying to play mind games on me, and with my brain being my most prized possession, I found myself being blessed that this was a phone confrontation instead of a face to face one. Because the darkest part of me would have most definitely surfaced, and from what I learned about his reputation, this is not the 1st time he has sparked such anger.

He took his last shot by saying that, "You know what? As a model, once I've used you, I have no need for you. I don't have to use you anymore."

I told him, "Fine, because I have been considering that for some time now."

And I really had been, because I felt my time in porn with him was going nowhere. My goal in porn is to appeal to many races and cultures by showing the beauty of sex between different races and cultures. If I limit myself to doing porn with an all minority cast, then that goal will never be met.

Hence why I chose to not become his exclusive.

To explain my upset over that article, I admit that when I come on a set, I'm very quiet. But just because I'm not constantly in someone's face asking, "what's this?" and "what's that?", doesn't mean I'm someone with no aspirations and drive. I am someone who learns by observing, and at his age, Tyson should recognize the fact that there are people out like that.

This brings me back to the word from Part 1, "sellout".

What about those people who do have dreams, but the reason they show no aggression in pursuing them is because they see no way to make those dreams a reality? I think that is a big problem amongst minorities. To big themselves up, racist White America paints this picture of Blacks and Latinos living in the ghetto because they are lazy races of people. Constantly giving other whites the opportunities to help them excel, that if given to a minority, that minority could do just as good or better.

By telling me I'm not aggressive and witholding that information about his pilot program, isn't that what Tyson Cane did to me? He had the perfect opportunity to show me a road to climb further up the ladder, but instead chose to say things that could make me refrain from trying to climb it at all.

Tyson's actions also shows his priorities. I can take criticism. Especially when you have knowledge of a possbile way to correct my supposed flaw. So when your priority is to criticize 1st, and share your knowledge with me 2nd - then I'm all ears. BUT when your priority is to ONLY criticize, whether you do it to me or someone else, then how much respect should I have for you as a colleague, but even more so, as a human being?

As this year comes to a close, I felt I needed to get this out to clean out my closet, and set it up for packing it with the beauty that comes with a new year. A new year that I am (as always) looking very forward to.

My Tyson Cane Finale

I know that in past blog entries, I have written of my bad experiences with Tyson Cane that I was trying to repress. Even though I have yet to hear any negative feedback, I'm sure some readers past and present probably think of me as a sellout. The people who would think that are those who feel that being that there are few "bruthas" in the porn industry, we all should stick together.

And I believe we should, when they are more than just "bruthas", but actually brothers.

Because a real brother who is a director wouldn't make condescending comments to his models. Should I keep forcing back my violent reaction to verbal abuse to the point that it makes me physically ill? All for the sake of that "being true to my blackness" bullshit.

So to all those submissive fools I ask, at what cost should I be true to the "bruthahood"?

Should I lie by way of omission to up-and-coming performers about how he did not exhibit proper behavior? Should I keep forcing back my violent reaction to verbal abuse to the point that it makes me physically ill? All for the sake of that "being true to my blackness" bullshit.

What about me being true to the brotherhood of humanity?


And with that in mind, I thought it best to clear the air once and for all, as to what actually was the last straw in my dealing with Tyson Cane.

Some of you may recall, back in January, I wrote a blog entry entitled, "Guess What? Mommie Knows", in which I wrote about telling my Mom about my doing porn. In it, I recalled how I confided in Tyson Cane about my considering telling my mother about my doing porn. That part of the entry was as follows:

One day on the set of “The Interview”, I had a conversation with Tyson Cane and vented to him that I was coming close to telling my Mom about my doing porn. I say “vented” because I knew all along that I was going to tell her no matter what his advice was.

His advice was him asking me, why would I want to do that to her. Unless I was looking to get deeper involved in the industry, like as a director or having my own company, I shouldn’t tell her. Which I was considering at the time...

Now, put that to the side for a moment.

Because what I didn't tell you in that entry was what Tyson said to me after I told him I was considering directing or owning my own studio at some point.

His words to me were, "Can I tell you something? You're not aggressive enough."

He suggested that I do something online. In other words, he wanted me to stick to a medium where I couldn't be perceived as any real threat to him. Which didn't surprise me, because based on the fact that if I did have my own studio or direct, I would have a variety of races and nationalities that my 1st release alone would probably surpass the sales and rentals of all of his DVDs combined.

A few months later, I received my first copy of GayVN Magazine, which was the January 2007 issue. In it there was this article that took up half of the page:



The part that is highlighted is highlighted for a reason. It is the reason that caused my Tyson Cane finale. And I will magnify it and explain why it lead to my finale in the conclusion of this entry tomorrow.

Until then.....

Santa's Compensation

This picture was taken at the Holiday Party at The Cock this past Wednesday.

And I may have been in the very, very rare form of being tipsy when this photo was taken. Let me explain.

When I sat on this hot Santa's lap, he asked me if I had been a good boy this year. Well just like when we were kids, even when we knew we were bad as all hell, I told his, "Yes".

Then he asked what did I want for Christmas, and this is where the alcohol probably kicked in, because I think I was a little free with my mouth the way I am with this blog.

I can't recall the exact words, but I believe it was along the lines of me saying, "A nice thick dick in my ass."

His response was, "Normally, that would make you a naughty boy, but since we are at The Cock, I think that's possible."

And he may have delivered early. Because I left The Cock with 2 hotties vacationing in New York from Belgium.

Before you ask, I did not get tag teamed. DAMNIT!!!!

I fooled around with one of them (a blond with a great ass) at The Cock, and I got a chance to see his cock (which was thick like I asked Santa for). And that made me wonder, are Belgian waffles made so thick to mimic the thickness of a Belgian man's cock. I haven't been around a lot of Belgian men, but for this to be my first time with one, one can't help but think that's a possibility. Later, on we gathered his friend (gorgeous and bald) who was also his ex, and I got invited back to their hotel room.

Before we even got in the cab, the blond told me that he was too tired to fuck, so I already knew any action that happened was going to be between me and his friend. And that is exactly what happened, because when we got in the hotel room, the blond took off his clothes, and laid down on the bed, while me and his friend started making out on the same bed. For a moment, I thought we were going to wind up fucking with his ex right there, but we didn't. We went in the bathroom, and continued our make out session there, and we didn't fuck at all. When it became obvious that we all were too tired to fuck, we retired to the bed.

While I was wondering whether or not the blond was aware of anything going on, I think I got my answer. Because when we got in the bed, I got in the middle, and the blond moved over and got in a spooning position behind me. So the 3 of us went to sleep spooning each other.

At least 2 of us got our rocks off the next morning. I set the alarm on my cell phone to wake me up because I did have to go to work, and when it went off, the one I made out with in the hotel room woke up with me. We started making out again. I straddled him and we started jerking off. At times jerking our own cocks, and other times each others'. He came first, and he did it silently. The only thing that gave me a clue was the look on his face, and his slight body jolts. I knew the only way to know for certain is to check my ass.

And low and behold, there was his jizz wetting my ass crack and even more so, my hole. And that made me get so excited that I started coming, and I blew my load all over his stomach.

He was nice enough to let me shower first, so I did. I got dressed, said "goodbye", and went off to work with a smile on my face.

So maybe Santa did grant my wish to some extent. It's just that he filled my upper hole twice to make up for not filling my lower one.

Now go out there and have a

SAFE & MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!