Thursday, September 15, 2022

"You Like That Ni**er D*ck?"...Yes, He Said THAT!

Recently, I went to the bathroom in a gay bar. There were 2 guys in there having sex. In spite of this, I proceeded to take my piss at a urinal. As that's somewhat of  commonality in this space.

The bottom was a Latino, whom I knew. The top was light-skinned, but being a lousy judge of ethnicity, I could not be sure what his ethnicity was. 

My peripheral vision saw a black male suddenly come into the bathroom. He was not my favorite person since I already saw him do something outside the bathroom that I hate. He imposed himself upon the action of others. So fitting the stereotype, he aggressively started topping the Latin bottom. With aggression that made him look like practically every black gay porn actor whose majority of their scenes are them topping white/light-skinned boys (not men). And it was negative aggression. Because after all, this was not his fuck. Like I said, he imposed himself into the mix. So there was no sex positivity to be seen in that fuck once he got in it. Nor was there any to be heard.

For not too long into topping the Latino, the black guy said, "Yeah! You like that nigger dick?"

I don't know what the Latin bottom said. Because I was too disgusted by the black guy's words. For that word coming out of his mouth in reference to himself, plus witnessing him impose himself into other's fun made him a trifling creature that lessened his worth.

As I have said in past blog articles, I don't play voyeurs to sex sessions in such places. For while many sex sessions in such spaces are based on sexual racism and colorism, I refuse to look because I've done enough vicarious living before my coming out. Displays of both made that black guy such a disappointment that it made it real easy for me to walk away and not look.

When I told others of what I had witnessed, all of whom were either white or light-complexioned, they thought that I should just dismiss it. Because as one of them put it, "Seeing himself in a way to use that word is not a 'you' problem. That's a 'him' problem."

True and wise as that statement may be, I replied, but couldn't put it into the best words as I can after processing it. So I will now.

Dr. Phil McGraw has told a number of his guests over the years, "You teach people how to treat you".

Well, what many overlook is that when you're a minority in a space, the way you allow people to treat you (which is how they're taught to treat you) is also how you're teaching them to treat others in your minority group.

This is why I take such a strong stand against unwanted touch with my exhibitionism. Enough to pitch it to Damon L. Jacobs to be interviewed on the matter. Because if I allow myself to be touched without verbal and/or physical reprimand to someone I clearly said "NO!" to, then I am also teaching those aggressors to treat every other exhibitionists with the same disrespect. 

So in this instance, this black male in a space full of mostly white and light-skinned males who are more than likely heavily influenced by the racist rules of porn, to anyone who overheard him use that N-word to describe himself, he just further cemented their negative view of Black males as being "less than". Only worthy of being fetishized, then disposed of. Why? Because according to his behavior with that word, he does not even have pride in himself. So why should anyone else?! Thereby making it be that another black male, maybe even myself was going to have to pick up where he fucked up by demanding better treatment for those of us who truly know the beauty of our Black selves.

With that said, the more multiple brands of a minority you are, and the more self-aware you are, the more sensitive you will be to that responsibility to teach people how to treat you. And being a Black out predominately gay bisexual who is also an unapologetic American exhibitionist, I am of many minorities that make me sensitive to that responsibility.

What you say in the privacy of your own private spaces is one thing. However, when you are in a public space, a public sexual space, that is a different story. And race play is one of those things. 

In such sexual spaces, one should stick to vanilla dirty talk. The problem is gay males are getting more overly self-entitled. Thinking they should not have to censor themselves. Refusing to acknowledge how they are not in their private space, but a public one. As their private space would be where such language should be allowed without outside judgement.

Now, I will tell you that I am all about letting go during sex. However, I do make mental notes of what I cannot do with someone because I am in a certain space. For in a public space, the lack of consent to certain language and actions can cause justified problems from both your playmate(s) and onlookers. 

That is why this instance rubs me the wrong way.

For that N-word is highly offensive to me, as it is to many others. Regardless of how it is used. Now, if this guy wants to do such race play, then he should do so in private. NOT in a bar bathroom or backroom that is not overall sponsoring that kind of play.

Maybe even an hour or more after hearing that guy's social ineptitude make him say that word, I was just standing around. The black guy walked pass me and grabbed my arm as if out of flirtation. I was so beyond repulsed. Seconds after he kept walking I could still feel his touch. I tried to tune it out and proceed with minding my own business to not react by wiping the essence of him off of me. But I couldn't help but eventually feverishly rub my arm. Because his touch made me feel like maggots were crawling and squirming on me. Maggots that were multiplying by the millisecond. So rubbing my arm became inevitable to try and get the ugliness of his self-loathing soul off of my skin.

In any case, I'm telling this because it needs to be said. People need to be mindful of where they are, and how they define themselves in public may not only be harmfully misrepresentational of themselves. But also their entire community.

Tuesday, September 6, 2022

My Poppers Experiment...A Turnaround?

Imagine coming into work one day and finding a bottle of poppers in your locker.  Some reading this are thinking, "Whoo hoo!"

Now, imagine being me. Someone who everyone in your workplace knows is very much against poppers. So if you were me, you would be pretty pissed, wouldn't you?

Well, that was me the day I came to work and found a bottle of Super Rush sitting in my locker at the sex shop I work at. I didn't throw a fit. I felt I would get a logical explanation soon enough, and I did. A co-worker later told me that a vendor sent some samples or different brands and that was the one he put in my locker. The co-worker even offered to take it off my hands if I wanted them to. I decided to keep it simply for photographic purposes if/when I write another article against poppers. Instead, as a couple of days went by, another idea of what to do with that bottle of poppers came to mind.

With hindsight being 20/20, while the knowledge of poppers being a harmful chemical still prevail as a huge deterrent from me partaking of them, I have come to realize that part of my disdain is also how poppers were introduced to me. They were shoved in my face during a tryst by a top unwilling to take his time with my hole that is tight as one's hole should be.

I'm sure that was the case for most who bottom. A lazy, self-serving, sexually uneducated top shoved poppers in their face to shut them up of the bottom's justified complaint of pain from rushed anal entry. Hence my disappointment with bottoms who use poppers for sex. For after that top usurped that bottom's body, the bottom never stopped to realize how poppers were imposed upon them. Therefore, further use is them refusing to let that realization inspire them to undo their dependency on poppers.

I italicized dependency for a reason. For what else would you call it when a bottom misplaces their poppers at a sex party or backroom, and they scramble like a crazy person looking for them. Almost in the same way a heroin addict psychotically scrambles for their misplaced drugs. Almost every gay male reading this has seen it. Maybe even during a tryst in their own home. It is not a sexy sight at all. I have become less invested in many playmates that used poppers because of such actions.


In my experimentation with various substances like cocaine, ecstasy, crystal meth, and even marijuana (when it was illegal here in New York), my goal has always been to find an answer to...WHAT'S THE DRAW? Then if I find that answer, my next question becomes: WHAT'S THE PAYOFF?

Especially, the long-term payoff.

With all of those previous experiments, I definitely found the draw. It is the long-term payoff that has led me to not partake of those substances on a more regular basis. For most of the substances I mentioned lead to a limp dick and/or your sex partner(s) not being the primary and/or sole source of your excitement, pleasure, and orgasm. So what did my experiment with poppers prove?

The exact same result.

For I will admit that with my experiment with poppers, I definitely got a chance to experience the draw through masturbation sessions. The high did feel great. My heart racing did scare me for a bit, but not panicking and taking deep breaths helped that to subside. I did still enjoy the high. That I will not deny.

So trust me, being able to have this experience did let me get a chance to learn the draw to poppers on my own time, and on my own turf. Without the coercion of a stereotypical, selfish, no-brained, no patience-having douche of a top.

With the exception of one time, I conducted these experiments with poppers alone. That only experiment while with a playmate was not with the bottle given to me. I was topping in a bar backroom and a voyeur I became friendly with earlier offered me theirs. Considering I was doing these experiments with poppers at home, I accepted. And it immediately bothered me emotionally.

Because compared to the pleasure I felt using the poppers in solo play, the use while with a playmate made me take time away from my playmate. That made me feel like a lousy lover. So obtaining a high from poppers took away from the pleasure I should have felt with my sex partner. It also put me on the verge of lessening my ability to accurately grade my sex partner's performance. So I never experimented using poppers while having any kind of intercourse again.

So after this experiment, has my position on poppers changed? Somewhat. Because now, I more so support the use of poppers for solo use. Meanwhile, with intercourse, I still stand behind my sentiment that your sex partner(s) should be your primary and/or sole high. And in regards to anal sex, when you bottom, your top is supposed to display patience and knowledge of your body and human anatomy in general to make himself your substance-free anal motivator & anal relaxer.

Plus, the repeated pauses to take a huff of poppers interrupts the flow and rhythm of sex. Thereby leaving participants unfulfilled. Often without them even knowing it. So this point is not just for those who use poppers during gay sex. It is for those who use them during any orientation of intercourse. And let us also keep in mind that anal sex is not for everyone.

I would like to say that the new information I found through experimentation and an article from made me do a complete turnaround on the issue of poppers. However, such is not the case.

It is because people have repeatedly shown themselves to be followers of using things that can serve a good purpose, but someone comes up with a counterproductive purpose, then people join the bandwagon and make that the main use instead. Poppers are one of those things. So while there are sometimes health benefits with using poppers, you can't trust the sight of poppers when you know an overwhelming majority are using them simply to get high because they have allowed intercourse alone to not enough of a high for them.

With all that said, am I as against poppers as much as I was before? No. I might even partake of them myself in the same frequency I partake of marijuana, which is not much at all. However, I will still keep the previous articles I've written about poppers up because I would prefer to inspire people to not use them. For we are headed towards a society dependent on foreign substances, instead of the natural ones between the bodies in order to get through a sexual encounter. And that needs to stop.