Friday, September 3, 2021

If You Know Your Beauty So Much, Why Are Your Actions So Ugly?

Recently I was at the New York City gay bar, The Cock. As usual there, I took advantage of their allowance to strip down to my underwear. Immediately after stripping down to the top and bottom pictured, I went to the bar to order a drink.

While waiting, it was not even 20 minutes into being stripped down before I felt a smack across my butt. The only suspect was a black male with brown dreadlocks walking pass. Obviously, a socially inept creature thinking my being in my underwear made me a free-for-all. I didn't chase after him to call him on his ignorance. I figured if he was that stupid, he would do something else in due time. If not to me, then to someone else.

Anyway, after getting my drink, I went downstairs.

Not too long after, I came back upstairs to get away and continue my drink. I was leaning against the bar, and the black guy returned. This time, he came at me and immediately started touching me as he tried talking to me. I repeatedly kept moving his hand. He acted as if I was overreacting. As he proceeded trying to talk to me, he again began reaching to touch on me while he talked. I finally told him, "Talk with your mouth. Not with your hands."

Owning my body enough to say that pissed him off. So much so, he said the stupidest thing to me.
He said, "Look. I know my beauty---"

Once I heard those words, I immediately cut him off saying, "Excuse me! With your behavior right now, have no beauty!"

I then sashayed away to the restroom.

I cut him off so quickly because I knew exactly where his speech of him "knowing his beauty" was born from. It was born out of what he (like many Black males, including myself) have likely encountered from all too many racist white/light-skinned males.

White boys and assimilating light-skinned boys of color who treat black males like they're too ugly to be acknowledged in a cruising spot. By acts such as:
  • acting bothered by a medium to dark-complexioned Black male admiring their initial only skin-deep beauty;
  • trying to literally push those black males out of the way so they can get to another white/light-skinned guy they've targeted, and/or;
  • trying to steal away a white/light-skinned guy after he is already in the company of a black male.
So the problem is that as a Black man, a very aware Black man at that, I will always be the wrong audience for this guy's intended speech of him knowing his beauty.

He probably tried that speech on me because while those feelings were probably justifiably festering inside him, he was too much of a coward to say it to an actual white or light-skinned boy. Likely due to how in many such spaces, after doing some act of self-entitlement, white males will turn on their White Fragility "I'm afraid" cry to security at a venue. Fearing rightful retaliation from the Black male they slighted. Then unfairly, security will appease the white male's attitude of privilege by treating the Black person as the troublemaking party. Often without even hearing details of what led up to the conflict.

So in short, this black male's actions towards me were no better or different than any such white male. For in the end, he tried that speech on me because like those type of white/light guys, he saw me as less than. Namely, less of a threat if I get offended by his attack.

Well, this post is proof how I am actually more of a threat than those white males. For the reason such unwanted touch still goes on so frequently is because the same white/light guys this black male was afraid to ruffle the feathers of are the same ones who want to be identified as "strong adult males". Yet they sit in silence about unwanted touch. Even going as far as mocking me for talking publicly on social media about it.

Analyzing this guy's aggression in his approach to me sadly exposes why one seldom sees me play with a black male at racially diverse events.

It's because many (not all) of the black males I encounter at more racially diverse events assimilate what I call, "the gorilla nigger" aggression of the typical black porn actor in an interracial scene. They feel this is how to get the indoctrinated prize of a white/light guy as your sex partner. More specifically, as your white/light-skinned bottom. And this does work for some. However, it usually ends up that the black top is treated as a disposable entity. Very much like the black tops are treated in porn.

And speaking of porn, the ignorance in following that is because your typical gay porn actor is a prostitute. I know we are in this age of not shaming sex workers, but this aspect here deserves it. For that prostitution mindset allows these white/light-skinned porn actors to have sex with a black with money, and not genuine attraction as the sole motivation. This includes for their OnlyFans, JustForFans, 4MyFans, etc. accounts as well. For sometimes they hook-up with a black male simply as a means to dodge being accused of racism. Like the many scumbag white/light-skinned models who treat their 1st (or any)time of taking on a black cock to be deserving of a badge of honor.
This following of porn-endorsed archetypes is why many black males in multi-colored environments fail the black male community, but even more so, themselves. Such as the black male who stepped to me that night. With his biggest mistake being like most such black males...He never turned that porn-endorsed aggression off when approaching a Black male. He forgot how unnecessary (and for me, downright unappealing) that role is.

For that reason, he loss any chance he had with me. And he will continue to lose whenever he tries stepping to someone of any color self-aware and self-assured as I have now become.
Don't get me wrong. As a result of overcoming my years ago self-proclaimed racism towards other Black males because of trauma, I do find some Black males who are sexy as fuck just like every other color/ethnicity. However, I usually find them at all-Black events. The problem there is that in being a proud American, I am very loving of the melting pot that is America. Reveling in the great sexual beauty of all of those colors coming together. So any environment that is all black, all white, or any single color in between, I don't like being in for long. Add to that my being a proud and real New York City native, I am even more so appreciative, craving, and respecting of that melting pot and its sexual beauty.

Now, if I could find more Black men unlike that guy in those multi-colored environments, instances such as the one I told about here would happen a lot less. For within a week's time, this was not the only such incident with a black male in a racially diverse environment. In fact, it was the 2nd of 3 within a week.

So yes, sadly I must report that this is a real problem. One in which many black males in racially diverse spaces need to do better for me to address them as Black men. 

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the disclosures of so much that is personal... I would never have begun to understand much of what you refer to here without having been trusted to read it!