Recently, I went to the NYC gay bar, The Cock. I met a guy there with whom I made out with inside the bar, and we liked each other so much that we considered upping the ante by taking it to where he was staying.
Before I continue, the following about myself will become necessary immediately after.
My brain is always multi-tasking. Even when I am with someone. To be more exact of how that works, my conscious mind is focused on my partner, while my subconscious is taking note of all of the things notable by the 5 senses unrelated to my partner. With that, my subconscious doesn't interrupt the conscious mind unless it has taking note that the initially thought to be unrelated to my time with my partner is evolving into a possible danger we need to avoid.
My subconscious working this way is actually how I get a lot of my knowledge of behavior in sexual spaces even while I am in the midst of having some sexy fun myself. Behaviors that are both directed at me, and at others. After my partner and I have parted ways, I recall and process all of the details of what happened around us. So with hindsight being 20/20, that is why recollection of those behaviors are so often seconded by one or more readers.
So what does that have to do with my make out session and the title?
During one of our instances of making out, I was grazing against the solid gate of the establishment next door to the bar as he kissed me. In the background, I heard a bunch of frat-boy loud-mouths approaching. I'm sure they were coming from the $1 pizza place one block south of The Cock. My playmate and I continued kissing.
Then all of the sudden, I heard this male chorus of voices yelling "Ill!!!" and "Ewwww!"
While my initial thought was to ignore them, just as a precaution, my subconscious mind put it to the forefront of my mind to only take note of their actions just in case I needed to defend myself and/or my playmate. As my playmate did turn around to look at them. I tried to bring his attention back to me. Urging him to follow my lead by telling him, "I only acknowledge relevant people. Not irrelevant people, like them."
After they kept on their way, he continued trying to convince me to come back to where he was staying. We already exchanged numbers. So doing it another time was definitely possible. However, he finally broke me, and I agreed to go with him.
Back to the crowd of hecklers. I immediately noticed that this horde of guys were mostly (if not all) white.
This triggered a floodgate of racist propaganda and double standards I have witnessed over the years. Such as how the racism of mainstream media, especially gay media has long put out this narrative about the existence of "black homophobia". A means to portray Blacks as unevolved when it comes to the acceptance of LGBTQ+ people. It is a narrative still being put forth today. And while there may be some truth to that, this instance solidifies how I have long known that such homophobia still exists among white/light-skinned males. However, it is not given the same degree of punishment by the masses.
What allows this fakery of presenting whites as being more evolved is a major negative of white culture - the monetizing of every thing possible. In this case, that is one's sexual orientation. For porn producers have long given whites and light people of color a means to turn a huge profit as they internalize their homophobia and/or use money as an excuse to display a side of their sexual selves they don't want to openly admit to. Hence the idea of "sexuality is fluid" instead of someone owning how their action show them to be some kind of bisexual.
Mainstream Hollywood is also guilty of making whites seem more evolved in this area by offering gay roles to way more straight white males than Black actors. So what makes "black homophobia" so much more prevalent is because in a racist and capitalism-driven nation like the United States, blacks are not given the same means to mask their homophobia. And if they are, it is nowhere near in the same economic range as white/light-skinned people.
This leads me to pause before someone tries to say that black males do gay-for-pay as well. To which I say that due to my disgusting recollection of doing a scene with such a black gay-for-pay porn actor, Double R, I am well aware of that being true. However, it is white males heading the porn companies and websites hiring these guys of all colors who falsely define as "straight". Giving them a playground for this dysfunction. A dysfunction that as I proved in an article from over a decade ago can have harmful consequences.
T prove my point of white males giving these self-destructive playgrounds, note this list of ethnic porn companies (past and present) that have hired gay-for-pay porn actors of color are:
Pitbull Productions (my scene with a scene partner who was gay-for-pay was with them)
Original Latino Fan Club
What do they all have in common?...THEY ARE ALL HEADED BY WHITE MALES. And paying the performers far less than the more white-starring porn companies.
The bottom line is that if one heckling for being true to myself can incite so many negative memories from within a community that I am supposed to be considered a part of, then it totally justifies feeling that the gay community is not a community. Such an ongoing history is why when LGBTQ+ Pride comes around, my celebrations are about pride in myself. Not us as a community. For as long as these racist propagandas and double standards continue, the idea of community is just that - an idea.
To be more exact, a façade.