My Sweet 16 at CumUnion

February 9, 2002.

That was the day I went out to Splash Bar (now gone) in NYC, walked through the door, and all my years of trying to figure out if I was straight, gay, or bi finally came to a close. A close that made me realize that I was bisexual, but a lot more gay than straight. A discovery that made me ready and willing to have sex with a male, which I did just a few hours later. And since those few hours later came to be after midnight, the date of me losing my virginity is February 10, 2002.

That makes it now 16 years to the day of me coming out to myself, and losing my virginity. My Sweet 16, if you will. And Sweet 16s always get a celebration. So how did I celebrate mine?

Everyone has their way to celebrate such moments. I chose to go to the sex party, CumUnion.

Quite fitting to those of you who know I lost my virginity during a 5-man orgy. And I found my 1st playmate for the night before I even entered the party. In fact, even before I paid my entry fee.

I walked down the stairs of Paddles where the party was held, and as soon as I got down the last flight of stairs, I saw an older guy with thinning blond hair on the line to get in with one person in front of him. The guy appeared to be around my age. He gave me a quick grin to acknowledge me. Then as he waited for the person in front of him to pay and go in, he took that waiting time to take a few more quick glances at me to check me out. I didn't let on that I saw this, but I did the same to him. As I noticed his good looks and took note of what I could gather of his build in his winter jacket, the louder my sexual precognitive voice screamed to me about us, "Y'all 2 are gonna fuck!"

After checking in my clothes, I saw that guy walking around for a good 15 minutes. He was still looking at me, so by this point I knew for sure his gazes at me earlier were not my imagination. Then I went on a trip to explore the backroom. It was pretty dark, which I hate. So I went to the part of the backroom where there was more light. That's where I found him again, and he found me.

As soon as he saw me, he took my cock and started stroking it. I grabbed his ass. It was nice and smooth. He then turned his back to me. Grabbing my dick for me to put it in. Earlier when my inner-voice told me that we'd fuck, it didn't make aware if I would be a top or bottom. As far as I'm concerned, it could have gone either way, but I was getting my answer at that point. Telling me that I'm going to be a top.

My cock went inside him, and his ass jiggled with each of my thrust. His ass felt great. We drew a small crowd from our moans and the slaps of my crotch against his booty. I didn't come, but he felt good enough to be a candidate to look for if I wanted to release my load.

I must admit the next guy I topped did get me a good bit closer. Maybe because I had some leftover climax-building tingle from the guy I topped before. If it wasn't for the voyeurs who were living vicariously through us to the point that they kept touching us in interfering places, I probably would have shot my load in his ass. One thing I was glad to see of myself was that this guy was also close to my age.

This back-to-back topping had me concerned that the usual would happen. That every white guy there was going to expect me to be a total top. Some black guys might be cool with this, but being that I was celebrating my coming out and losing my virginity, I also wanted to show off and celebrate my sexual growth. Primarily my becoming versatile. A great change from the total bottom I was 16 years ago. So this constant topping was getting me a little stressed. Then someone came along to pound out that stress.

This tall hottie with light brown hair, possibly red kept coming near me throughout the night. With his full lips and bubble butt, I immediately wanted him the top me the second I saw him. After seeing him fuck a couple of other guys, I thought he had no interest in me. So just as I was moving on, my peripheral vision saw him coming up behind me. I thought he was going to walk pass me. Instead, he stopped and stood behind me. He moved in closer to the point his dick grazed the crack of my bare ass, then his shaft got closer, and deeper in the crack. Growing larger with each motion forward. I reached back to touch his thigh, and in return, he put his arms around me and started kissing my neck. I allowed this for a quick bit, then turned around to face him, and squatted down to suck his dick.

His dick was semi-hard when I started sucking it. Then it grew in my mouth to become rock hard. With his moans of pleasure, I felt his cock throb in my mouth once. He picked me up and turned me back to having my back to him. He leaned me over the medical table in front of me. I quickly reached to my preparation pouch that was gartered on my left thigh to prepare my ass for his entry. I put spit lube on his cock, then he slid it into my ass. He started thrusting into me, and more and more he was hitting the spot. So much so that without even touching myself, my dick was getting hard and I could feel my pre-cum (or cum) edging closer and closer to the tip of my dick. Knowing at any moment, that edging jizz could soon become a drip with a long tail. And just before it got to that point, he came. I could feel every throb of his cock letting out that cum, and he didn't pull out of me until the very last throb and last drop were in me.

That tall hottie wasn't my only top for the night. So my celebrating gave me an equal number of bottoms and tops with a short, sexy Latino that arrived later in the night. He caught him eyeing me as soon as he walked in. Since you never know how those things will turn out, I didn't push to make anything happen. We wound up near each other by chance, and he came to me. We grazed each other, then immediately started making out. I led him over to the side in the back area and positioned myself on all fours. I lubed us both up and as soon as slid inside me slowly. But once inside, he pounded my ass cheeks so hard, it felt like I was being topped by someone twice his size.

At one point he asked, "Do you like that?"
I replied with an exasperated moan, "Fuck yeah!"

My dick was getting hard with each of his thrust. And once again, I felt his hungry cock milk my prostate. Making me pre-cum without touching myself. Or as with my previous top, possibly full-on cumming. Because at least for me, pre-cum just appears. There's no sensation telling me it's happening, unlike cum, which be its arrival to my cock, fast or slow, I feel it. Much like I did with both of these tops.

This makes me come to a realization about my sexual growth. About how as I get older, and more comfortable I am with my sexual body playing with others. I'm finding myself getting near cumming without touching myself. I take it to be that after all this time, the Sweet 16 of my coming out, my body is finally learning to let go when I bottom. What probably took it so long was the fact that my sole sexual interaction with my body up until the age of 30 was masturbation.

I'm sure this point of sexual growth could have happened sooner. I surmise that in addition to my anxiousness from my late coming out making it take this long, there's also how 3 years after my coming out, and losing some of the anxiousness, I unknowingly resurrected it by my getting into porn. So now, almost 8 1/2 years after retiring from the porn industry, my body is having the response to sex it should have naturally. For I never did, nor did I that night use drugs to ease myself to the pressures of being good at sex. Not even poppers.

So as with all of my sexual adventures, I have found the lesson I needed to learn. In this case, the epiphany about my own sexual development. So THANKS, CumUnion and Milk Chocolate NYC for a great celebration you had no idea you were giving me for my Sweet 16.

A Unicorn Horn Splits A Chocolate Peach

I recently bought a dildo made by a company called Split Peaches. The dildo was made to look like a unicorn's horn. The idea of it piqued my curiosity.

Learning it is made of silicone, therefore non-porous was one of my first considerations to buy it. So once I made my decision official, I had to decide which of the 3 sizes I wanted.

The small one was too small, and the largest one was too big. In regards to the large one, I only want to be open my hole to the width of the largest one when I'm being double penetrated by 2 hot guys. Not one big sex toy. So I chose the medium-sized one. Even though I was a bit hesitant because of the 2 1/4" diameter of the largest insertable part of the dildo. For I was wondering if I could get every last inch of that insertable length and width in.

Well this video is the result. And that thumbnail shows I got it in at least long enough for that still-frame.... But did I like it in? Check out the video to see that unicorn horn by Split Peaches split open the sweet chocolate peach that is my ass to find out.  

I Will NOT Be Mr. Mistress

One night I met this hot guy at The Cock. About my height (5'6"), and build, with brown hair. We fooled around. We parted ways at some point during that night. Time passed, and I recently ran into him again at a bar.

This time when I saw him, all was the same. I was still very much attracted to him, and he was still very much attracted to me. We started making out like we were meeting for the first time all over again. And it kind of was like that. Since we both forgot each other's names. So we had to re-introduce ourselves to each other.

His kiss. His intensity of that kiss and holding me. That nice ass I grabbed that made me want to lay on my back and be fucked missionary anywhere, even that concrete floor of the bar. None of it had changed. However, there was something this time around that made me feel I should leave him alone. I just didn't know what.

He did just as he did before. Make out with me, then vanish. Probably playing with whomever, then coming back to me. But even more so this time, whatever that something about me that made me different from other guys he made out with there, enough to come back, it seemed to grow that night. For this time, he said he wanted to fuck me.

Once I considered it, he asked where could we go. Because as it turned out, he didn't want to find a dark corner, or slip into a bathroom, lock the door, and fuck there. So the problem was that neither of us could go back to our homes. Even knowing this, he still wanted to keep making out with me. Using his eyes, lips, mouth, hands, and fingers to get as close as possible to an idea of what it would be like to be inside me, and thrust away at me. His taking breaks from kissing me to look me in the face. His hands pulling up my shirt to feel then kiss my torso and nipples, and sliding down my pants to feel and grope my ass.

As he felt my ass, his eagerness to get that idea of fucking my hole grew. So he feverishly undid my belt to make it easier to put his finger on my asshole. He pulled it out of my pants then I put it in my mouth to wet it. It was my way of letting him inside. I sucked on his finger, licking it like I wanted to do his dick. He then returned his now wet finger into my pants. With my lust and willingness for him to be inside me in any way possible making me relax my asshole, he slid his finger inside me. Moving slowly back and forth, then doing hard in and out thrusts into me. Using his finger to be where he was wishing his dick was instead.

During breaks within this heavy make-out session, we asked questions of each other. I asked him where he was from since I heard an accent. He said he was Irish, but was born in Queens. He asked the same of me, and I told him. I later asked where did he live now. He then answered, "In Queens...with my girlfriend."

I was not prepared for that answer. Nor was I prepared for how that simple question of mine would be the question leading to the answer as to why I was initially telling myself that night to reject his approaching me to fool around. But the only way to know for sure was to ask my next question.

So I asked him, "Does your girlfriend know about this side of you (being some degree gay), and being here?"

He answered, "No". Then made it more certain that I should have backed away when he approached me. For he then added, "You probably like that."

I responded, "Actually,...I don't. I could get off on seeing the 2 of you fuck. But I'm not really cool with her not knowing you like to play with guys."

And it's true. I could get off on watching him fuck his girlfriend. In fact, when he said the word "girlfriend", I was hoping when I asked if she knew about his gayness that he would say she did. That way, I would definitely have considered him a candidate for the bisexual 3-way that I recently mentioned as one for my To-Do list.

After this revelation however, the making out slowly died down. To the point that we had no choice but to part ways. Leaving us only to play with someone else to our liking. And hoping for better results.

What immediately came to my mind when he said that I probably liked him having a girlfriend not knowing about his gay sex was... What the fuck made him think I would want him even though he has an in-the-dark girlfriend?

It immediately came to me. The answer that keeps coming to me when I see one fucked up sexual perception after another within the gay male community... PORN.

Do you really think this young guy came up with the idea that I'd like being "the guy on the side" all on his own? No. He saw the tool we have all seen over time. Especially now since shit-show studios like IconMale and Men.com (just to name 2) make this idiocy a constant theme.
Repeatedly dodging their responsibility to the minds they are influencing by calling it "fantasy".

Also, mainstream gay magazines and websites greenlighting articles about how a gay can seduce a straight male don't help either. Even if at the end of the article, the editor gives it a negative criticism, such articles are often marketed by their titles baiting you into thinking such behavior is okay, when it's actually not. Far from it.

This is not to say that gay males are forbidden to fantasize about straight males. I would not have written my article for Kiiroo listing 5 porn actors who do straight porn that gays could like if that were the case. Nor would I have a subscription to LustCinema. But I am vehemently against presenting to impressionable gay minds the idea of playing with a guy on the down low. Hence my disgust with Lovari producing for The Original Latino Fan Club. And this guy seemed to be in his 20s, maybe early 30s with that bar's dim lighting. So this guy is the right age to get his information from watching gay porn that this was okay. Thinking that presenting himself as "straight" would make him more lusted after.

Yes, he would...by a self-loathing gay who is driven by the reality of "misery loves company". So in hating his gay life, what better way for such a gay person to feel accomplished than by "converting" a straight man to become gay, even for a night.

My time in the porn industry showed me that many older gays don't care about who gets misinformation, for they are looking for any display of sex to get them off, be it right or wrong. They give it a pass calling it a "fantasy". Never considering how some younger newly-out gay watched such porn. Thinking the scenario was plausible. So they tried taking up with a guy they were attracted to, but was on the down low. All to end up either physically harmed or dead by that guy on the down low. For after all, dead men tell no tales...and too often, neither do scarred ones.

With all this said, I have never denied how I am very sexual. However, I am even more so:

Self-respecting
I lived a life of denial before. It took me being 30 going on 31 before I came out to myself, and became sexual active. Doing so because I did not want to become like this guy. I no longer wanted to live a life of lying to myself about my orientation. For such a life is actually not a life. Hence why I spent so many years contemplating suicide. And I'll be damned if I'm going to tolerate, or enable such self-denial in someone else.

Intelligent
I learned from the hell I put myself through by trying to live as a totally straight male while I was and still am a predominately gay bisexual. So if I am as smart as I present myself to be, I will not enable anyone to live the same self-destructive lie I was trying to live.

Therefore, even more so;
Aware of Karma
So I am not going to fool around with you knowing that your girlfriend is (as far as you know) living in the dark about your degree of homosexuality. Homosexuality that is at such a fever pitch for you that you need to sneak to gay bars, some with a backroom, to get off on dick-to-male ass sexual interaction because your dick in her pussy is not enough. And she is unaware that her pussy is not enough for you.

OR is she aware? But is so desperate to not be alone (at least in word) that she turns a blind eye to all signs that he's betraying her trust. I said "in word" because his attempted betrayal with another person immediately made her spiritually alone.

Now, even if this guy said that his girlfriend knows about his cruising for males, and she's fine with it, it's highly unlikely that I would have left that bar to be alone with him. For if a guy tells you that he has a girlfriend, and that she's okay with him having sex with males, unless she's there to confirm that statement, that guy could too easily be lying to you. That's why that scenario is best left as a fantasy until you can get the female significant other's blessing.

All I will say in this guy's defense is this:
Many (especially in the gay community) having an issue with bisexuality is why there are guys like this one. For many, myself included have encountered that when you proclaim yourself to be bisexual, the stereotypical gay male with his ignorant hetero-phobia and Straights vs. Gays war going on in his head demands you to pick a side. So the guy might call themselves "straight" because heterosexuality might be the more dominant orientation in his bisexuality, just as I sometimes call myself "gay" because that's the more dominant orientation in my bisexuality. Or it might be that they just haven't thought of a term for their orientation as I have.

Even if they did take the time to come up with a logical term to define their sexual orientation, with so much adversity shown to bisexuals, not many take it upon themselves to do as I did. Letting their proclaiming themselves as bisexual say:

"Bi-phobic bitches can go fuck themselves with a spiked dildo! This is me! I'm a bisexual, and I like one gender more than the other. And I am self-aware enough to know which gender I want to have a relationship with, and which gender I just want to have sex void of romantic involvement with."

In any case, whether he defines as bisexual or straight, the fact remains that according to him, there is another woman involved. A woman who knows nothing about his gay sexcapades. And the way he was acting with me that night, he seemed like he might be trying to groom me to be his Mr. Mistress.

Well, for all the reasons stated before, that's not going to happen. So for a situation like this, the lyrics of Sir Ari Gold's song Mr. Mistress says everything I want to say to this guy, and guys like him...

Holding The Balls at Bingo-A-Gogo

It's been awhile, but this should be fun.

On January 10th, I'll be the guest caller at a special Men of Color Bingo-A-Gogo at The Cock.

When I said that it's been awhile, it because if you've followed me since my porn days, then you might recall me being a guest caller at Will Clark's Porno Bingo a good number of times. Before my porn career by winning his Porn Idol contest, as well as since my retirement from the industry. So the idea of me holding balls in my hand is nothing new.

And FYI, I'm talking about Bingo balls. Thinking otherwise just goes to show....

Well, bring your nasty mind where it will be greatly appreciated. Especially since you'll probably need the release after a hard day's work. So let some good drinks by your bartender Franco and $1 per Bingo card give you a chance to win prizes to enhance your sex life on that night, and a good number beyond.

I wondering, might you find this to be an even better pick-me up if perhaps I read some of my erotic poetry to get you in the mood. Or give some sexual advice that you'll soon want to find a lucky someone to take home from the party afterwards, Thiccc to try it on. Even more so hoping to put the "happy" in Happy Hour, I will be stripping down as this Happy Hour event progresses.

Keep in mind this will be happening on a Wednesday night...HUMP DAY! And you know I'm all about inspiring some healthy & hearty Hump Day humping.

So I hope to see you there. 😉

BINGO-A-GOGO

 January 10th @ The Cock

93 2nd Avenue

(bet. E. 5th & 6th Streets)

From 7 - 10 pm

$1 Bingo cards

Happy Hour 2-4-1 drinks

Followed by Thiccc at 11 pm

Then maybe you'll stick around for....

Our friends over at @gutsnyc put together a sweet flyer for when they invade the DJ booth for the Jan. 10th edition of #THICCC only at @thecock.nyc It's our monthly get down for guys of color and all the folks who love them. Come thru and hear some great music, drink stiff drinks, and come play with some hot men. My host John John and I will be around yo make sure you have a great time. We'll have some thiccc and sexy GOGO men from all backgrounds shaking asses and swinging dicks all. night long. Save the date Jan 10th at 11! No cover before 11PM/ $5 After Coat and clothes check available. 93 2nd Ave - 2nd Ave between 6th and 5th #verse #bottoms #tops #dirty #gaysex #latenight #poppers #gaymen #gayfollow #nycnightlife #gaycruising

A post shared by Francesco De Marco (@beefyqueer) on Jan 5, 2018 at 11:18am PST