PROOF I Don't Owe You A Feel Or Fuck

To close out my weekend, I went to the ManMeat (formerly known as Milk Chocolate NYC) after-hours sex party. It seemed that the Black guys there were wondering why I wouldn't play with them. Well, I already had reasons that pushed me to write "Black Guys, I Don't Owe You A Feel OR A Fuck!". And unfortunately, there were other "fine" specimens who were stupid enough to find my lack of interest hard to believe by confirming what I wrote with actions that cemented my views.

1)When you check your clothes, check your fuckin' hat, too! So many Black guys follow this that they all look the same in that dim light. And you can easily tell that it's a "Black thing". For if you take all of these ethnicities there, and how many of them are wearing caps, the percentage of Black guys is the highest by a very large margin. This may be a personal peeve for me. For I'm a common sense person, and I know that small as a cap may be, it can limit how much you can do with a playmate without having to worry about it falling off, getting in the way. But why are they wearing it in the first place? Some do it just because. But with so many in one ethnic group doing it, you can't help to surmise that it's a cultural thing. My feeling is why wear a symbol of a culture that's going to get in the way of your fun. Like I said, I'm a common sense guy, so I know I'm Black, the place is dimly lit, I'm not the only Black guy in the room, and that a cap takes away from your individual body outline. Therefore, if I go walking around with my hat on as a Black culture symbol, and others do the same, I can't easily be told apart from anyone else. And I pride myself on my individuality.

2)One Black guy was wearing not one, but TWO pairs of underwear. Yes, you read correct. TWO PAIRS OF UNDERWEAR SIMULTANEOUSLY. One of them sagging. Are you fuckin' shitting me? Call me "cocky" all you want. But do you really think I'm going to give my body to some stupid ghetto trash nigger who even at a sex party can't give the ghetto trash nigger concept of "sagging" a break?! And he looks at me weird when I back away from him, or move his hand. This made me so close to screaming, "Mother fucka, you look like you just stepped out another cheap ass ethnic porn video! Which makes you ghetto trash, which makes me too good for you! Stop following that stupidity, then maybe your chocolate stick can meet and fill my chocolate hole. For your individuality brings you further up to my level. But right now, your heart, your mind, your soul, and your dick are all too small. Thank you!"

3)It's been awhile since I bottomed. So I was so glad to finally come across someone who wanted to top me, and lay some pipe in my ass. It just happened to be a fit White guy. Maybe it was my hunger for cock in my hole, but as far as I'm concerned, he gave me the fuck of my life. And he could have gave it to me for hours. And this was just a quick Round One.
After that Round One however, there was this one muscular Black guy with dreadlocks who is known for having a big dick who wanted a go after the White guy. I never even saw his dick. I only knew it was him by the reaction of other guys he topped prior, and his joyful "Yeah"'s for hurting a bottom upon entry. Not asking my permission. He just went gunning for me as if it's my job to stay with my back arched and comply. For that reason alone, he was a TOTAL TURN-OFF to me. And don't think your big dick intimidates me. The fact that I've been double-penetrated should be proof of how it doesn't. But his ego...DISGUSTS ME!
He epitomizes EVERYTHING I hate about the images of Black guys put out in gay porn. From his no-ass having gym-body to his overcompensating ego and sense of entitlement because of this big dick. So much so, that he had the fuck-faced audacity to act like I'm the one with an attitude problem when I moved away from him. Well, he needs to cash this reality check, and if you know him (or someone like him), pass these words on to him:

You having a big dick, doesn't mean that every one who bottoms is to be at your beck and call. For not every one is dumb enough to be a size queen. So in addition to having a big dick, thinking we should be at your beck and call makes you A big dick. Thank you!

After instances such as these, you can't possibly think that what I said in "Black Guys, I Don't Owe You A Feel, OR A Fuck!" was me exaggerating. Unless, you are low enough in self-esteem to comply to them, Black guy doing this behavior, or a nigger shit bitch non-Black who imitates it. So let me close with reminding those of my brothers who happen to be Black like me that we as a whole need to better present ourselves in the gay community, and society overall. And that includes at a sex party. Because this behavior is not cutting it.

Hustlaball For Hustla's Fall

I will admit that there was a time I had enough issues with Hustlaball because of its racist performance roster that I had my own personal boycott of the event. Now while that racism is somewhat fading, some will try to say that I'm never satisfied. For I still have an issue with hearing that event's name. In fact, I think I always have. I just repressed my loathing.

You see, while I was in the porn industry, I tried to not be judgemental of escorts. Even though I was fully aware in my mind that their existence in the industry was lessening the beauty of the sex we see in porn movies. Once I decided to say the truth not only in my head, but also aloud, that's when I decided to leave the porn industry, and become publicly vocal about the ugliness of prostitution, or its sugar-coated word, "escorting".

This of course has led the naive that still surround themselves with these people to feel that I have (as someone once said to me) "been on a high horse" since my leaving the industry. Well, if I'm on a high horse for deciding to not surround myself with a bunch of people who are doomed for dead-end lives by dedicating themselves to having dead-eyed sex,...then I will make sure that since you're so low down that my high horse dumps its shit on you. As my way of saying goodbye before I ride off to a destiny worthy of my intellect.

So this post is calling out myself. Not for hypocrisy. But on my long-overdue maturity. How my eyes have been opened as to how Hustlaball still should be boycotted. If not for racism, as I'm sure it still perpetuates the "Black guys as overly aggressive tops" belief, then simply for its praise of prostitution. For it still teaches our young gay males that drugs, alcohol, and prostitution are the way to acceptance by your fellow gay male. Leaving out the truth of how many old guys are not trapped in that world, which I'm sure very well contributed to the drug addictions, depression, then suicides that have killed some porn actors in the past, present, and future.

Anyone in the business that tries to tell you my claim is false is doing what many in that world do ---live in denial. For while I was in the industry, I've seen many performers do drugs before and/or after a show. Plus, the event is called "Hustlaball" for a reason. It's a gathering of hustlers a.k.a. prostitutes a.k.a. hookers a.k.a. whores. Which is why my most loyal readers may recall how I once got propositioned at Hustlaball by a patron,...while I was a patron myself.

Now, if you want to go to this event, that's on you. This post is just letting you know the self-destructive escapist world you are contributing your money to. If you can live with that, have at it.

LeNair Xavier - Pleasure Chest....Salesperson?

I've mentioned a few times on Facebook and Twitter that I recently became a part-time Shipping/Receiving Clerk at the new Upper East Side location for The Pleasure Chest. 

Part of why I opted to be in Shipping/Receiving is because those of you who have met me in person might have realized, I'm actually quite shy. With my shyness not seeming to fade until my Aries passion for something gets fired up. Of course it's quite obvious though that I do have a passion for sex, and making sure everyone is truly happy and sane on their sexual journey. For I feel a great many woes across the globe could be eradicated if that sexual stress wasn't so prevalent in our lives. Thinking this is what partly inspired my poem, "Sex In Unison".

Anyway, last Saturday, this passion got put to the test. Because for a moment, I became a salesperson.

A guy walked into to the store, and it was all female salespeople staffing the floor. Due to his interest, the customer told the salesperson who initially approached him that he felt more comfortable talking to a male. And since I just happened to be on the floor at the time, the saleperson asked me to assist the customer.

Not a spoiler to the end of the story, but the end result was that I didn't make a sale. At least not that day. For he did say he would be back. Because with the variety of things I showed him for what he wanted, including much cheaper (but also satisfying) alternatives, what he decided on cost more than he was willing to spend that day. So it turns out that just as I can do via this blog, I did point him in the direction of what he wanted.

Even without making a sale however, I actually enjoyed talking to this gentleman. Asking him his desired goal, giving him options, and giving my viewpoint when asked - the key point in the work of a salesperson. With all that considered, should I consider offering myself to also do sales? For I like the labor of Shipping/Receiving, but I did like the interacting from sales. Hmmmm.

Black Guys, I Don't Owe You A Feel, OR A Fuck!

Whether it is at a sex party or even the backroom area of the NYC gay bar, The Cock, I have had one too many instances where Blacks guys seem to not take "No" for an answer. Though also unjust and intolerable, I'm aware that old White guys not accepting a "No" is because they've dedicated so much of their lives to their career that they lost the looks they had when they looked like the pretentious Whites we see today, sacrificing any real sexual social life in the process. So they have now become desperate. But what is the excuse of these young Black guys who are initially good looking, but become ugly by acting this way?

Before I continue, I'm sure some of you are ready to blame me for experiencing this by you asking, "Why go in the bar backroom, or a sex party if I know this might happen?"

It's a simple answer. It's because studying someone in the midst of the primal urge of sex, you get to learn who these people really are. For sex is so primal, many forget their filter, and you learn what they are capable of doing and saying, as well as the fucked-up mindsets they are governed by. Proof of this being that many single guys I found who knowingly avoid backrooms or sex parties, or always stand on the outskirts of the action playing the Cackling Hen commentator are the ones who have either experienced all that I am reporting in this post thus far and beyond, so they are no longer interested. OR they are the ones hiding the most, possibly even more heinous extremes of these behaviors.

Now, it's easy to let guys' compliments to me have me say that the reason for this behavior is that I'm "so attractive" that it casts a spell of some kind on them that they can't help themselves. Well, that excuse 1)makes it my fault, so you're blaming the "victim"; 2)rids them of taking responsibility for their actions; and 3)does not allow me to be humble about my looks, as I want and should be. Because at some point, as time moves on, so will this youthful appearance. And I refuse to act as if I don't know that.

So the one reason that makes sense to explain this behavior is that these Black guys make niggers of themselves by following some cultural credo that says to act this way. That because I'm Black, I owe them a chance to cop a feel. Or I owe them a fuck. Making whether I say "No" or not become irrelevant. And before anyone goes there, I am more than aware that there are also Whites, Latinos, Asians, Middle Easterners, etc. gay and straight who make niggers of themselves for following these racial entitlements and "'No' means 'yes'" credos. But here, I am speaking of my experience as a Black man that you can probably relate to depending on your own ethnicity or color.

Another reason is one that many don't want to admit to. Porn. For no matter how much you want to deny it, porn is still a gay male's teacher in how we sexually interact. With that said, it becomes obvious that the likes of the token Blacks from the big name White studios and most Black performers you see in ethnic porn are teaching gay Black guys weak-minded enough to follow that the overcompensating aggressive top behavior is the way to go. Which leaves other Blacks, Whites, or whatever ethnicity of the perceived bottom to comply without a fight, and tolerate the overcompensating rough sex from this top. It is for this reason that as much interracial sex as I have, I am unable to relate and find beauty in seeing it in porn, even if I top. For I have no intentions of lowering myself to being another nigger gorilla like Bobby Blake, Diesel Washington, one of the sell-outs in Chi Chi LaRue's "Blackballed" series, a FlavaWorks video, etc.

I expect better of myself, and so should my sex partner. That is IF he was wise enough to choose me to be me, and not the Black things he sees in videos. The problem is too many are looking for the latter.

YES, there is an overload of racist Whites in this country, as well as racist non-Blacks whose culture from whatever country they (or their parents) are from taught them to "marry White, because Black is whack".
YES, there is an overload of these same guys who are racist because of the influence of the racist Whites running gay entertainment (porn, nightlife, and media), but don't even realize they're racist sacks of shit.
YES, wrong as it is, porn teaches non-Blacks to be punished for their guilt of past and present sins of Whites and gay entertainment by having a Black guy fuck you so hard that you damn near puke out your innards.
And therefore YES, all forms of gay entertainment tell this weak-minded racist majority that if you feel you must have sex with Blacks that they're good enough for just a fuck, but not good enough for love.

But NONE OF THIS justifies you thinking I don't have a right to turn you down just because I'm Black. Because first of all, when you exhibit this kind of behavior,...

I am not Black like you. For you have made yourself NOT my "brother" or "brutha".

I am a human being FIRST. Therefore right or wrong, I am entitled to my choices. And you don't dismiss my right to choose by putting your hands on me after I have politely moved it. Thereby making it the right choice to dismiss you, and even do you bodily harm for invading the personal space that is my body. Regardless of where we might be, even if that's at a sex party, or backroom.

My dismissing you will never be because I "hate being Black" as one guy tried to tell me once. Otherwise, in a recent tweet after a sex party when I said that I felt like I topped the gay U.N., one of those many colors of bottoms was Black. And he got my attention by not following a porn credo. First, by being a bottom, then by loving my passionate, but non-abusive sex. But despite me overcoming my past racism against other Black males, the more Black guys keep up that negative behavior, and the more (unlike the guy from the sex party) the number increases of them imitating these nigger gorillas in porn, the more you will push me back to that dark place of being racist against other Black males. For it makes me border on asking myself, why should I stay in the light when you won't behave in a manner that shows I was right to bring myself there?

I've come a long way from what I used to be with that racism. So it would be wise to not make me go back there. Because as with any relapse, the next go-around...is going to be worst.