Duality Battle - Tré vs. L

Recently, I have been finding myself in an inner-battle with my duality. Not the battle between good and evil as shown in my pictures from "Good Tré, Evil Tré". Instead, I am in an inner-battle with myself to either maintain being known as "Tré Xavier", OR choosing to start using my legal first name, which I will refer to throughout this post by its first initial, "L".

Truth be told, I've been wanting to use my legal first name ever since I got into porn. You see, I knew before getting into porn that I personally would never have any shame about being a part of it, nor was I going to cater to others' pretentious attitudes towards it. Plus, had I kept my legal first name, I would not be having this inner-conflict that I am having now.

I'm sure many of you are wondering what brought about this inner-conflict. Well, what has happened is that alot of things have come to light about myself and the gay porn industry after I did "R.I.P. Tré Xavier - Porn Actor: 1 Year Later". One of those being that I seem to have become tired of leading a life of duality. You see, "Tré Xavier" was born for porn. It was a persona meant to be all about my sexual side, and willing to go to the extremes of sex via experimentation since I was doing it in the "safe" confines of a porn set. A perfect example of this was my agreeing to be a part of the cast in my last porn movie, "B.L.A.K: Bruthas Live And Kinky",

where I took the part because I was curious about the leather scene, and after doing that movie, I saw the extremities of domination and submission involved, and how it is not pleasurable for me at all. The confusion started however when my 1st blog, "Tré Xavier's Blog" came just a few months after I got into the porn industry, because it actually took you beyond the over-sexed mindset of "Tré Xavier", by showing you the intellect and social concerns of the real me, "L". And I am continuing that with this blog here.

Since that time, it has been like I've had 2 personalities. Whether I sit my keyboard to start typing, or write thoughts on a pad, if it's for a sexual blog post, then it's "Tré Xavier" doing the writing, but when it's a social matter to address, it's "L" doing the writing. Once I decided to retire from porn, it was as if the 2 personalities became integrated, where a spell of "Tré Xavier" is there. But I'm not feeling any of those scenarios to be the case anymore.

Now, since making "R.I.P. Tré Xavier - Porn Actor: 1 Year Later", I have found myself with a growing hunger for people to know me as "L", and not as "Tré". So I'm feeling now that "Tré Xavier" may exist for fans, but....he no longer exist FOR ME. And that actually was my original plan when I decided to do porn. However, once I was deciding to retire, for some reason I began to re-think that idea. And my re-thought idea became confirmed by someone pointing out that I've made a brand out of the "Tré Xavier" name. But I don't think I'm that well-known, so the question I must now ask myself is:

While I may have made the name "Tré Xavier" a brand, is it at a point of notoriety where a slight name-change would hurt the product, and what I now have to add in offering it?

I ask this because I feel in some way that the "Tré Xavier" persona has gotten out of control. Practically all people in the gay porn industry, nightlife, and most of the sex partners that you have and have not read about know me as "Tré Xavier", with some of those people becoming good friends.  Some may have (or still do) read my blog, or are often spoken to, therefore know the intelligence and concerns of "L", but because they don't know me by name as "L", I'm beginning to feel that they don't really know me as much as I would like them to. For the only ones who know me as "L" are the guys that I've dated, and friends I had before porn.

I asked my Mom about this, and she made a very good point. She reminded me of how before he became known by his present pseudonym, "P. Diddy", that he was previously known as "Puff Daddy". And during the time of both names, he has been waaaaay more well-known than me, and it's done nothing to hurt his notoriety. So it gives me something to think about.

I know that after all of this that you are wondering what "L" stands for. To be honest, it's not your usual "L" name (unique like the man it was bestowed upon, THANKS MOM), and it has sometimes been right in front of your face, even when you have met me in person. So unless you figure it out based on those clues, I will reveal what "L" stands for once I've come to a decision (maybe with your help) as to which name I will use as my 1st name....

....The name you have come to know me by so far, OR will you have to begin to know me by my legal 1st name as I move forward to explore the great things I feel the future holds for me?

as a black male, what do you think are the best bars to gogo in nyc?

Sadly, there aren't any I can recommend. Most bars seem to have a "light-complexion" only rule when it comes to go-go dancers. And with that rule, they allow a variety of body types (from twinks to muscular).
But as a Black male however, there is a serious problem in regards to racist imaging. For as a Black male, it seems you must be a muscle-bound gym-rat oaf, sometimes on the verge of looking like steroids are your meals instead of food, in order to be considered as a go-go dancer. That's part of the reason why I'm trying out at The Cock on Saturday. Because they practically NEVER have Black dancers there. So I'm urging people to come out and show their support so I can break this too-long-existing mold.

My blog may make me seem like an open book....but maybe I'm not, so ask away ;-)

Gotta Go-Go Try

I guess you can take the exhibitionist out of the porn industry, but you can't take the exhibitionist out of the man.

Because this Saturday, I have made plans to try out at The Cock. Why, you might ask?

Well, it's actually the same thing that had me trying to get into Lucas Entertainment when I got into the porn industry. When I see no one else try, I give it whirl. Because besides my love of dancing and being sexual for people's viewing pleasure, I want to represent. Represent a Black presence that isn't seen enough in NYC's gay nightlife - a FIT Black man as a go-go boy, instead of a muscled-up gymrat who can hardly move because of all that muscle they put on just to fit that overplayed image. I want to show that simply fit on a Black man is SEXY AS ALL HELL.

So come make me get wet for you

@The Cock

29 2nd Ave. NYC

(between E 1st & 2nd Streets)

See you Saturday!

A Tweet to Logo TV

Yesterday, after much annoyance with their programming, I took the advice of someone on Facebook that I got into a debate with who was blind to the lack of diversity on the gay TV channel, Logo. And it is not surprising this person would be blind to the lack of diversity because he was a person of light-complexion, which is exactly what way too many gay media outlets (from porn to television) portray as the only beauty within the LGBT community. And every one else is made either uber-masculine or uber-feminine, no in-between about it.

So this is the tweet that I sent to Logo using TwitLonger:

@LogoTV,

You could get ratings by featuring a variety of ethnicities AND skin tones. Your heads of programming are too ignorant and racist to believe that variety will sell. The problem that comes from you trying now is that:

1)it won't happen UNLESS you try; and

2)you've stuck to your formula of "light is right" for so long that people of color will NOW be slow to watch. And your racist head(s) of programming will use that being "slow to watch" as an excuse to not show diversity in ethnicities AND skin tones. 

Now, I am fully aware that you have had shows featuring men of color, but each one of them have never been allowed much longevity. So in the end, it becomes like I've said before in my blog REPEATEDLY...the typical American gay male is his own worst enemy.

I have made numerous comments on your website, and via Twitter about my disapproval of your programming and its lack of diversity. And it seems that unless it is someone kissing your behind on something of no importance (like your recent mention of Jared Leto), you feel no need to reply.

If you want equality, I suggest that you start in your own backyard. That way right-wingers won't be so justified in looking down on us. Because your programming (especially the negative stereotypes of shallow re-enforced by the clowns of "The A-List: New York") makes you part of the problem, and in no way the solution we need. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Tré Xavier of http://TresX-RayVision.com

Did I say what needed to be said? If you believe so, tell them that you agree by either sending them tweets on Twitter (@LogoTV), go to their Facebook page, or go to their website to express your  shared annoyance. And feel free to let them know that I sent you.