Model For Art and/or Blasphemy?

This past Sunday proved to be a very busy day for me as well. For starters, after I went to see my friends one-man show at BAAD. A few of us got on the 6 train, went to the East Village, and went to Nowhere. The rush of new happenings didn't even stop there, because as I was ordering a beer for my friend, the bartender told me that some guy paid for the beer. I've never had someone across from me in a bar pay for my drink before, so I had no idea of what the proper etiquette was in this situation. And neither did my friends. There was nothing really wrong with the guy from what I saw. It's just that Saturday gave me such a rush, and I felt Sunday was going to be the same way, so I not only wanted, but needed this to be my cool out period.

Smart move on my part, because Sunday was exactly as I expected.

I decided to go spend the afternoon at Daniel Nardicio's Sundays @ The Bijou again, and get in some model drawing there was a chance I may actually end up modeling. You see, on the Friday before, Daniel put out a bulletin asking if someone wanted to be a model for Sunday. I replied a little too late, because Daniel replied saying that he already told someone else "yes", but there's a chance he might back out, and if he does, he would let me know ASAP. So I went to the Bijou Sunday thinking that I was going to draw the model, but my 6th sense knew that I would be the model. As soon as I walked in the door, Daniel saw me telling me the guy never showed. So I got undressed and waited for someone to come by pick up a pad and pencil, and make magic on paper with me as their subject.

While waiting, I met Chaz and Lonni, better known as Whore's Mascara. They walked by with Daniel and saw me waiting on the bar. Lonni made me especially nervous because if it wasn't for being a little taller and heavier, he's almost a dead ringer for a Polish/Russian guy I tricked about 8 months after I discovered my sexuality 5 years ago. What makes it more intense is that guy was the 1st person that I declared as the best sex I ever had at that time. Now, considering how I've come to realize that just as most people who look alike tend to act alike, and the same seems to hold true for sexual performance, I had to put my mind on other things to avoid my dick from standing at attention.

Only 1 guy came by to draw me. He said he hadn't drawn in years. Well, from what you see here, drawing for him was like riding a bike - he didn't forget a thing.
With no other takers, I just hung out. Then Daniel asked me about appearing at his after-party for the Gay Erotic Expo. Due to what I wrote in my blog about the Bijou, and seeing the trailer for Dark Alley Media "PASSIO", he wasn't sure because of my religious convictions as to whether or not I'd be OK doing what he was about to ask. To promote "PASSIO", he asked if I minded being tied to the cross totally naked like Danny Fox was in the movie. Consciously, I have no idea why, but I responded with a bright and shiny, "Sure." He told me that people would be able to walk by and touch me and suck on my dick, which is pretty much how Danny Fox is done in the movie.

With my religious convictions, you would think I would have turned my nose up at this, but I think my subconsciousness played a big part in that. For (1) I tend to like the extremities of Daniel's parties, so this was a way to be a part of that; (2)I knew when the go-go boys brought me in to be tied to the cross that the sight of what may be perceived as a black Jesus was going to throw many for a loop, and I love shocking people; and lastly (3)it gave me an insight into bondage, and that's something I've never tried before.

I have to admit, I did get quite turned on while up there. I was there on display for the crowd. "I'm all yours, so touch me, rub me, suck me all you want, because I have no say in the matter" is basically what my body was saying while being tied to that cross. And being typical fashion of why I nicknamed myself "The L XTreme" in my non-porn life, it would take an extreme measure to make me try bondage. And the exploration of bondage is what I kept in my head after I agreed to this. My religious convictions did make me question it. But based on the story description, I tried to see it from the gay erotic artist perspective of what if there was some other way for Jesus than to go through such an ordeal. Which is actually a question every person told that Christian tale should have asked themselves at one point or another.

I was on that cross for about 30 - 45 minutes, then I went to enjoy the party. I did make out with one guy who felt me up while I was on the cross. He was so adorable, I had to grab on him what he grabbed on me. I guess that's the part of bondage that makes it hot. All the pent-up energy in your hands to repay your sex partner for all the pleasure he/she gave you, but being unable to reciprocate because you were tied up.

As you can see, I had quite the weekend. I think this weekend will be a more tame one. Believe me, after last week, I need another weekend with that many adrenaline rushes just yet.

Was There A Gay EROTIC Expo This Year?

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Getting Out The Kinks: Springing From Nature's Hose

This is the picture that started it all for me. It's a photo by Pierre et Gilles that I first saw in the book, "The Male Nude" by David Leddick some years before fully realizing my sexuality. Something in me saw this hot guy holding his dick while pissing, and wanted to hold it, and play with the piss as it sprouted from his beautiful cock. Maybe since I wasn't sexually active at the time, a part of me felt like that was disgusting. But I knew even then that I was that because that's what most people expect you to say in order to feel your sexual behavior is respectable. So that part of me was complying, which you should see by now is nothing like me. The other part of me therefore was the real "me". The part that thought to feel his dick wet from his piss was hot. Once I became sexually active, my thirst grew to find out if this was just a fantasy of how I would feel should such a chance ever present itself, or would it be a kink that I would fully embrace.

Once again - enter the Jersey Boys.

At one of our trysts, we were sitting around naked taking a break, and they asked me if I was into watersports. I told them I was curious about it, but never tried it. So I got my chance that day. We went in the bathroom and C pulled out his thick dick, and started pissing. I loved watching the piss stream from his cock, and when M went and tasted it, I decided to go even further with this sexual exploration and taste it myself. I will admit that tasting is the one part of watersports I don't do too often when I do it. But I will let a guy piss on my body, and maybe even in. Such as once when I was with the Jersey Boys, C was fucking me, and realized he needed to piss. Out of curiosity of the sensation, I told him to pull out, put some of the head of his dick back in, and go. I got so turned on by his warm piss running between my legs. And believe me, not only the fact that I was turned on surprised me, but the fact of how much I was turned on surprised me as well. That would explain by you see the link on my links page for the website "Fully Clothed Pissing". Or why I am so turned on by pics like these:

Now I'm don't only have a kink for watersports. I'm not only turned on by watching piss shoot out of a guy's cock. I also love watching a guy shoot a cum load. But what guy gay or straight doesn't? It symbolizes that whoever (be they a man or awoman) that guy was fucking has a damn good hole. And the theory is most likely, "the greater the load, the sweeter the hole."

That might expalin why you see in my video on my trailers page, I describe myself as a"cum connosieur" while I'm licking the head of Dillon's dick. It was probably me patting myself on the back after he fucked the living daylights out of me. And I have done that to other guys I've been with.

I guess it boils down to what I've believe I've stated before about myself. I love nature. So that plus my love of the beauty of a cock, can explain why I have such a fascination with the natural fluid that springs from them, because that's a cock's purpose - to be a natural spring. I know I probably take it a step further by adoring the sight of piss and cum oozing and/or shooting out of a guy's cock. But hey, I'm an extremist, and that's what we extremist do.

There's A Reason They Are Called "QUEENS"

If the tone at the end of my last post sounds like I’m insulting size queens, then I said it right. Besides materialistic shitheads, size queens are another problem within the gay male community. The reason there is no such thing as a size KING is because a king is meant to be a real man. And no real man is going to fault a guy for having a small penis. It is an act of nature beyond his control. Maybe, if the unattached guys stop following the porn-induced fallacy of how “bigger is better” they would have a hole that could find pleasure in a smaller cock like I have. The problem is that all those guys who followed that porn-induced fallacy now have assholes stretched out wide as the Grand Canyon, so all their bodies can accommodate is a big cock. Now, this is meant to sound insulting for those single guys who will play with only large cocks. If you are a guy in a long-term relationship and your boyfriend or life-partner just happens to have a big cock, that remark is not meant for you, because your body is then just forming the accommodate your significant other. BUT if part of the reason why you chose him is because of the reason like the shallow wide-holed single guys, then YES that insult goes for you, too.

Some quick advice:
If you don’t want that loose wide hole that makes it so easy for me to insult you, then try to stay tight by doing some kegels.

Kegels may very well be the reason why I have dated and tricked with men of various cocks sizes with practically all of them claiming how tight I am. I have been with guys probably about 5” long to guys about 11”. And some guys whose cocks are thin to guys thick like the Frenchman, which is the thickest cock I have ever been fucked by. I brought up the variety of sizes of men I’ve been with to show that I try my best to be someone who practices what they preach. My only requirement for the guy I lust to be fucked by is that he has a dick to fuck me with. Nothing more.

Earlier, I said that the idea of how “bigger is better” is a porn-induced fallacy. More gay porn than straight porn actually. And many of you may find it strange for this criticism to come from a Porn Actor who is a bottom on-camera. But you need to remember, since I've been writing this blog, I have taken risks by telling many truths that need to be told, and this is no different. Because it’s true, and I would so love to change that from being the case. I would like to for once be fucked on-camera by a guy(s) with average or what may be considered below average size cock(s), and be totally honest with my reaction. And I’m sure that my reaction will most likely show me loving every thrust made into my ass, because I seem to have a knack for picking guys who are good in bed. Of the guys I’ve had off-camera, (besides the drug-induced fuckers who couldn’t get it up or keep it up) I only had one guy who was just OK. Every other guy, be they a guy I was dating or a trick, knew how to lay that pipe (be it big or small) in my ass in a way that blew my mind.

I feel that porn studios who encourage that falsehood, are just as much of a danger to scarring men’s sexual self-image, as the fashion industry is a danger to women’s self-image by encouraging that being rail-thin is the way to go. Although the falsehood by the fashion industry actually leads to death, the fact that both hurt a person’s self-image makes their actions appalling. I am so sick and fucking tired of getting spam email trying to send me to a website to buy male enlargement pills or penis pumps, because it’s a sign. A sign that there are men whose sexual self-image have been bruised to the point that they are buying into this bullshit, and buying these products. Because if they weren’t buying into it, these spam emails would stop, being that these companies had to pack it in for lack of business.

I wonder how much better in bed are the guys who do buy these products. I doubt they’re much better. In fact, I bet they’re worst. Before buying that penis pump or taking that pill, they probably could lay a fuck on you that would make you orgasm from head to toe. That is if you’re man enough to not be a size queen. Now, if they seem better, it’s probably all in the person’s mind. I would most likely find them lousy because he’s not working with the beautiful rod God gave him, because what God gave him was custom made to fit him and his skills as a lover. And like I said before, I like nature, so any man-made adjustment, especially to the penis will lessen that for me.

Just to reassure some of you that there is nothing wrong with you, I myself have been told that my cock isn’t big enough to be a top by Tyson Cane. It was in a conversation where I wasn’t even asking about topping in one of his movies, but he presented that insult to me anyway being the no-tact low-class ass that I now admit he is. I’ll get more into the entire conversation in my next blog entry for my “Word of Advice” series. My point is that what he said to me could have seriously bruised my sexual ego, as someone saying it to some of you may have led you to buy some enlargement pills or invest in a penis pump. But I was secure enough with myself to not let his ignorance get to me. I was angered by his remark because of what it could have done to me if I was less secure with my sexual ego. That’s why size queens should not run porn studios.

This is what I told myself that day. Now you re-word that in whatever way you need to depending on your preferred sexual position, “I am a versatile bottom. I love to get fucked in the ass, and I sometimes like to fuck ass, and I have a willing and able dick to prove it when I choose to.”

Even some straight women know that bigger isn’t always better. I mean I have picked up quite a few Playgirl magazines over the years, and I jerked off to many a hot guy from their pages who is not so well-endowed. And as successful as Playgirl is, they must be on to something. So you’re going to let straight women show the world that our male sex appeal is not only, if at all in the size of our cocks? That’s why the size queens of the gay male community are just that - queens. They are unfit to be at the top like the KINGS, because their not smart enough. Kings are real men who don’t make penis size a requirement to display a man as a stud. A king’s only rule regarding a penis is that the man has one to display.

Don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy the sight of a big cock, and I revel in the challenge of taking on each long and/or thick one on any hot guy I see. The insults I have thrown out in this post are for those that make it a requirement for a sexual partner, which I do not. We as gays have enough judgments made against us by straight society, so to make judgments against one another on something as superficial as penis size is one of many ways gay men become their own worst enemy. In short, it’s time for us as a whole to get our shit together.

So what are you going to help us to be – a community of queens or KINGS?