Monday, June 3, 2013

Forgetting 'Tré Xavier's' Birthday

There was a birthday on April 1st, and I completely forgot to acknowledge it. Two months late in fact. And the title of this post clearly indicates whose birthday that is....

...It's the birthday of "Tré Xavier", my old porn persona.

You see, on April 1, 2005, I reported to my 1st porn gig to do a solo show for the website, And it was the photo on the right, and the 2 below that got me the meeting to get on the website.

And the 2 nude pics above were taken with a cameraphone. Remember the purple tint and graininess the cameras on phones gave pictures back in 2005? Oh well, at least it didn't stop me from getting a meeting, then the gig.

Thus giving birth to the "Tré Xavier" persona. But not only was that my 1st porn gig.  It was also the day after I turned 34, and April Fool's Day. The latter of those should have been a sign that the porn industry was (and still is) a lost cause with all I was hoping it to be, or all I could help make it become.

Being "Tré Xavier" wasn't all bad. After all, being him gave me some of the stories that got me on the uphill road I'm on now. Which is one why I'm a lot happier. I don't forsee myself anytime soon becoming another porn statistic of drug/alcohol abuse, prostitution, and/or suicide. I've avoided falling prey to all of that. So why did I forget the birthday of that persona?

It's because "Tré Xavier" was initially a persona created to secretly walk side by side with me, LeNair, and vice versa. Almost like a superhero's secret identity, with sex being "Tré's"super power, and intellect and humanity being my super power. But somehow, after seeing how porn industry heads (like common street pimps) were only interested in filling their pockets off of the monetary praise for their hoes (a.k.a. porn actors) putting out, like most porn actors, as "Tré Xavier", I lowered my worth in order to stay in the game. Meanwhile, my blog posts from that time tackling industry issues make it clear that my intellect and humanity made me enough of a worthwhile existence to want out.

For why else would I challenge the system so repeatedly? You don't fight with that much venom so often with any entity that you love, unless you want to correct it. But as porn long ago showed itself to be, it's beyond correcting solely by me.

Be they producers, directors, porn actors, porn bloggers or porn viewers, whether these people in the industry want to admit it or not, I saw some progress was being made by the fuse I lit in addressing some issues like racism. But it did not last for the "I'm-A-Pimp-Wantin'-Money-From-My-Hoes" mentality of producers, directors, agents, etc. never gave it enough of a chance. So I've now moved on to where I care so little that I'm smiling as I know few porn actor names and the gay porn industry implodes upon itself despite the brave face it keeps putting on pretending it's thriving. It's the best revenge. Hence why the birthday of my "Tré Xavier" persona was so easily missed by me.

I once told a model manager that I was considering getting rid of the name "Tré Xavier" and using my legal 1st name as my public persona. His advice to me was that I had made a brand of "Tré Xavier", so "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". Taking that advice for a time delayed my using my legal 1st name for almost a year. That is until I realized the problem that like most (if not all) porn actors, "Tré Xavier" was broken. You see, when a performer of any kind chooses a stage name, they should choose it to stand for something. And it should have the same care in being chosen as one should choose a tattoo. For it's a mark you will always have and be known for.

If it's not clear yet as to why the name "Tré Xavier" had to go, since they say the body is a temple, think of it with this parable----

"Tré Xavier" was a shiny temple originally constructed to stand side-by-side with the shining treasure temple it was spawned from, LeNair. However, ageism, racism, false promises, fellow performers privately (but never publicly) praising "Tré" for his outspokenness, and not just from those his associates in the porn industry, but gay nightlife as well - all of this dirt piled on top of the temple of "Tré Xavier" blocked its shine. The dirt mounted so high that in a domino effect, "Tré Xavier's" already blocked shine blocked the shine from it's originator, LeNair. But eventually, all that dirt on top of "Tré Xavier" was too much for its foundation. So "Tré Xavier" crumbled. Falling straight down, leaving the sun to shine on LeNair once again, and with the remains of "Tré Xavier" finally free from the dirt, LeNair kept his remains by adding them to his luster. So he could shine brighter, and be stronger than before so such a fall won't happen again.

That is where I am now.

For I am now, LeNair Xavier - blogger, performer, writer, poet, model, and the list of what to add to this list  has yet to be determined.
For this to happen, for me to be alive for it to happen,... "Tré Xavier" had to die. And although he had to die, again I say, his contribution to me now and beyond will not be forgotten.

And I THANK YOU ALL who have supported me since then....and beyond.

1 comment:

I HIGHLY respect those willing to stand behind their comments with a name. So if you use "Anonymous" on a viewpoint that challenges mine, IT WILL BE DELETED. For your cowardice to not show yourself makes your viewpoint and you irrelevant.

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